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As usual, Shane was last off the ice. He had missed an empty net goal in the last game, and as much as his teammates and coaches and Ilya and the rational part of his own brain told him that no player could sink every shot, the obsessive part of his brain told him that he should put in some dedicated practice time. After the others headed to the showers, he slammed pucks from all angles, systematically moving further and further away from the net, until he felt calm. Today, he had done everything he could to prepare for the next opportunity.
He expected the locker room to be empty, but Hayden was sitting, fully dressed, in his stall.
“Why are you still here?” Shane asked.
“I need a ride home,” Hayden said. “My car—”
Shane was already shaking his head as he turned away and started stripping off. “Call an Uber. I’m heading to Ottawa.”
“Please. You have time. The Centaurs are playing; he’ll be busy until after.” Shane darted a look around the room to make sure they were alone. He knew Hayden wouldn’t have said anything unless it was safe, but he couldn’t help checking. “Come on, you can play with the girls and Jackie will make lunch for us.” Shane opened his mouth to speak but Hayden kept talking. “She’ll make something you can eat! She knows.”
Shane sighed. “Fine.”
“Great!” Hayden smiled. “Now hurry up.”
Shane picked up his phone, but after jabbing at the screen a couple of times, he tossed it back in his bag and went to shower.
--
The moment that Hayden and Shane entered the house, Ruby and Jade pounced. They each grabbed one of Shane’s hands and dragged him off.
“No hugs for Daddy?” Hayden complained.
“Nope!” said Ruby.
“Uncle Shane is going to play the tomato game with us,” said Jade.
“The what?” Shane protested.
Twenty minutes later, he was lying on the floor of the study, trying to protect his dwindling stock of tomatoes from attack by garden pests deployed by his opponents. The twins frequently changed the rules so that they could use their advantageous cards repeatedly. Of course, it was fine. He didn’t have to beat two six year olds at a silly game he had never played before. The point was to spend time together. He just didn’t want to lose too badly. Absorbed in reviewing his cards, he was startled by the girls’ sudden shrieking.
“Uncle Ilya! Uncle Ilya!” They leaped up.
“Moya zaychiki!”
Shane rolled over to see his boyfriend looming over him, holding Jade, who had apparently jumped into his arms. From Shane's position on the floor, Ilya looked taller and even more godlike than usual. Ilya was like one of those optical illusions that could flash back and forth between a duck and an old woman, or whatever. He was so familiar, his was the face Shane knew better than any other, he was Shane’s other half. But sometimes Shane’s brain could forget all that history and he would just see a strikingly handsome man who still sent a jolt of wanting through him. Wanting his body but also just to be around him. Ilya looked exciting, always. For a moment Shane felt only a burst of joy to see him unexpectedly.
“Ilya! What are you doing here?!”
Even as he spoke, his rational brain kicked in. Ilya was here for a reason. Shane was here for a reason. He looked behind Ilya to see Hayden in the doorway.
“Sorry, man,” said Hayden. “Or, you’re welcome, maybe? Come on, girls. Shane and Ilya need to talk.”
“Talk about what?” Shane demanded as Hayden ushered the twins out and closed the door. “What’s wrong? Why are you here? You have a game tonight!”
“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Ilya extended a hand, assisting Shane up from the floor and using the momentum to tug him over to the couch. He pulled Shane down onto his lap. He held Shane’s face in his hands and looked him in the eyes. Shane started to calm down, a little bit. “Everyone is okay, sweetheart.”
“Everyone? But—”
“There are pictures,” Ilya said.
“Pictures!” Shane repeated automatically.
“Pictures of us.”
“Of us?! Doing what?” His mind was racing again. What could there be pictures of? They had always been so careful in public.
“I will show you. Is nothing, really, but people are talking, calling, going wild. I came here for this.” Ilya pulled out his phone.
“Wait, my phone!” Shane said. “It wouldn’t unlock! Did you do something to it? I must have a million messages. But no, how could you?”
“I told Hayden your password,” Ilya admitted. “Told him to change it to SEXYILYA. All one word.”
Despite all the stress, Shane couldn’t help laughing. “You did not!”
“I did, but he didn’t do it.” Ilya scowled. “He says your new password is MTL3CUPS. Whatever that is supposed to mean.”
Together, they reviewed the photographs on Ilya’s phone. They had been strolling in the park. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe they were walking closer together than two buddies would? The pictures had been taken in sequence. Their hands brushed and Ilya’s hand grasped Shane’s for a few frames before letting go. They weren’t holding hands. But they weren’t not holding hands, either.
“You… squeezed my hand? That’s all?”
Shane couldn’t believe it. Years of secrecy and planning and sneaking around and close calls, and everything was in danger of being exposed due to a tiny, fleeting gesture that he didn’t even remember.
“Yes, whole world is going crazy. Photographers are in front of your house, my house.”
Shane looked troubled and Ilya did not like to see that look.
“I will tell them I just did it for a joke. Not serious. It didn’t mean anything. They will accept that.”
“Will they?” Shane scrunched up his face in doubt. “It did mean something, though. I think… Ilya, I know you don’t want to lie and deny our relationship, and you’re offering to do that for me, and I don’t even know what to say.”
“Anything, Shane. You know that.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, Ilya stroking Shane’s hair.
“Do you want to talk with someone?” Ilya asked. “Your parents? Farah? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, Hayden?”
Again Shane laughed, despite himself. “I don’t want to talk to anyone else. Just you.”
They continued to sit quietly until Ilya couldn’t take it anymore. “What are you thinking? Tell me.”
“I think,” Shane started slowly. “We tried to keep it under wraps. We tried to make it so nobody would notice anything.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m not upset with you.”
“Really?”
“What you did was so small. It’s not like you kissed me on Parliament Hill or national television. It wasn’t anything, really.”
“But people think it’s something.”
“Yes, that’s what I was starting to say. We were careful not to show that we’re together. It wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t really a lie. It was just... being private. Flying under the radar. But now that people are looking, they’re going to see. I don’t think they are going to stop. Now that they are asking questions, we would have to deny it. And we can’t do that. I don’t want to, and it would be terrible, because eventually they will find out and then it will look like we were ashamed.”
“We… tell them?” Ilya said hesitantly.
Shane nodded. “Like we talked about with Farah. We’ll each meet with management and our teams and then put out a statement that we’re dating, and we won’t answer any media questions.”
Shane was being so brave. Maybe he was in shock. Ilya held him closer and kissed him.
“Shane,” he said.
“Yes?”
“You are very calm?”
“I am.” Shane shrugged. “I thought I’d be, I don’t know. Frantic? Terrified? This is what I was trying to avoid. But it happened. It’s like….” His voice trailed off.
“Like what?”
“You’re going to make fun of me, but it’s like we were up one goal with three minutes left. We were ahead, we had the upper hand. And then the other team tied it up. That’s not what we wanted, but it happens. So it’s a different scenario now. Not as good for us, but we can’t go back. We can’t undo it. We just have to keep playing. And we haven’t lost yet. We’re going to win in the end.”
“We already won," said Ilya, running his hand through Shane’s hair. He was practically glowing with happiness. "But, Shane."
“Yes?” Shane replied with a little less patience than the first time.
“I love you, but do you ever stop thinking about hockey?”
“I knew you were going to make fun of me. But yes, I do stop. Sometimes.” Shane smirked.
“Challenge accepted,” Ilya murmured, and he used his grip on Shane’s head to tilt it just right and take his mouth. Not that this was going to go anywhere. They were in Hayden’s study and the door wasn’t even locked. But he held Shane and kissed him and tried to sink into just feeling and touching and being close. It seemed to be working. Shane shifted to straddle him and press against him.
A knock on the door broke the mood.
“Are you two decent?” Hayden asked from the other side.
Shane and Ilya responded at the same time.
“No!”
“Yes.” Shane smacked Ilya lightly on the chest as he slid off his lap. “It’s fine, Hayd, you can come in.”
“Go away!”
Hayden opened the door and leaned in. “We’re done with lunch. Your food is on the table. You should eat, because Ilya needs to head back.”
Having delivered his message, Hayden paused to look at them both, his gaze landing on Shane.
“Shane? Are you okay? You look….” Hayden frowned.
“I look what?”
“I don’t know. Better than I expected after all the shit going down online.”
“I am okay,” Shane said. He was smiling. He probably looked a little unhinged. He felt a heady mixture of relief, love, giddiness, and gratitude for having such good friends and support around him. He grabbed Ilya’s hand and squeezed it tightly, glancing at his boyfriend and then back at Hayden. “Everything is so good.”