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Chapter Text

|| THUNDERCLAN ||

LEADER: Firestar - ginger tom; green eyes

DEPUTY: Brambleclaw - dark brown tabby tom; amber eyes

HEALER: Leafpool - light brown tabby molly with a white chest and paws; amber eyes

WARRIORS:

Brightheart - white molly with ginger patches; one amber eye

Ashfur - flecked gray tom; blue eyes

Squirrelflight - dark ginger molly; green eyes

APPRENTICES:

Hollypaw - smokey dark gray molly with green eyes; Leafpool's apprentice

Lionpaw - golden brown tabby tom with amber eyes; Ashfur's apprentice

Jaypaw - gray-brown tabby tom with blue eyes; Brightheart's apprentice

ELDERS:

Longtail - pale gray tabby tom with darker stripes; green eyes

|| SHADOWCLAN ||

LEADER: Blackstar - large white tom with black paws and extra toes; amber eyes

DEPUTY: Russetfur - reddish-brown molly; green eyes

HEALER: Littlecloud - small brown tabby tom with white paws; blue eyes

WARRIORS:

Oakfur - small brown tom; green eyes

Rowanclaw - ginger tom; green eyes

Smokefoot - black tom; amber eyes

Toadfoot - dark brown tom; green eyes

Applefur - dappled brown molly; green eyes

Crowfrost - black and white tuxedo tom; blue eyes

Kinkfur - brown tortie-tabby cat; yellow eyes

Ratscar - brown tom; amber eyes

Snaketail - dark brown tom with a tabby-striped tail; amber eyes

Whitewater - thick-furred white molly; blue eyes

Ivytail - dark tortoiseshell and white molly; blue eyes

APPRENTICES:

Owlpaw - light brown tabby tom with yellow eyes; Smokefoot's apprentice

Olivepaw - dark tortoiseshell molly with green eyes; Crowfrost's apprentice

Shrewpaw - gray cat with black paws and blue eyes; Ratscar's apprentice

Scorchpaw - dark gray tom with torn ears and amber eyes; Snaketail's apprentice

Redpaw - reddish-brown tortoiseshell molly with amber eyes; Whitewater's apprentice

QUEENS & KITTENS:

Snowbird - white molly with green eyes; pregnant

Tawnypelt - tortoiseshell molly with green eyes; mother of Talonkit, Dawnkit, and Flamekit

 Talonkit - dark brown tabby tom-kit

 Dawnkit - pale ginger she-kit

 Flamekit - ginger tom-kit

ELDERS:

Tallpoppy - light brown tabby molly with long legs; green eyes

Cedarheart - dark gray tom with a white patch on his chest; green eyes

|| STARCLAN ||

Yellowfang - dark gray molly with protruding upper canine teeth; yellow eyes

|| NOTES ||

Tigerkit has been renamed to Talonkit, after Rowanclaw's apprentice that was slain by Jacques and Susan.

Kinkfur is nonbinary (fae/faer), and Shrewpaw is agender (they/them). Jaypaw is a bisexual trans tom (he/him). There are a lot of LGBTQ cats in this story (i'm a nonbinary lesbian lmao) but their identities will come up later. Those three are just the ones that I figured I'd explain ahead of time.

In canon, Snowbird is pregnant with Scorchfur's kits, but he's still an apprentice at the time. To fix this in my story, she got pregnant with a rogue's kits and won't name the father if asked, mostly because they broke up after he found out she was expecting. Later, after Scorchpaw becomes Scorchfur, he and Snowbird become mates, with him adopting her previous kittens as his own.

The phrase "medicine cat" has been replaced with "healer".

I had to piece together the ShadowClan allegiances so that there were more than six cats in the clan, lmao. I tried to make it as accurate to canon as possible, but if anything seems off just ignore it.

Chapter Text

The shadows are as cool as water tonight, drenching Jaypaw's coat in darkness. He's more careful than usual as he picks his way through the ferns; he's never been out of camp alone before, and certainly not after sunset, but tonight is different. Tonight will change everything.

He draws upon his knowledge of his surroundings as he goes. His mentor, Brightheart, took him on three rounds of the territory, letting him go over each path so he could commit it to memory. It was exhausting, but it's probably his favorite part of the training that she gave him.

Jaypaw feels a pang of guilt as he thinks about how she might feel tomorrow morning once the clan realizes he's gone. He knows he was her first apprentice, and he wants to make her proud, but ThunderClan just isn't the place he can do that.

Longtail is the only blind warrior in ThunderClan's recent history, and he retired after he lost his sight. While he seems happy enough, Jaypaw can't picture a life in the elders' den for himself, and he definitely doesn't want to train as a healer, no matter how hard Leafpool keeps pushing him. He's been dreaming of being a warrior since he was a kitten, and he isn't going to give up on that dream so easily. Even if it means making hard choices.

He knows he's nearing the border when he picks up the scent of pine. Jaypaw keeps his whiskers flared out, using them as a guide as he carefully makes his way over to the scent markers. On his side of the line is ThunderClan territory, a swath of oak and birch and alder trees laid out over the faint rise of the hills surrounding the lake. The scent of ferns and leaf litter fills his nose, clinging to his pelt.

On the other side of the line is ShadowClan territory. Brightheart described it to him as a shadowed forest, thick with pine trees but with far less undergrowth than ThunderClan. Instead, dead pine needles litter the ground, dotted with short grasses and the occasional bramble patch, but not much else. Apparently a combination of little sunlight and the layer of needles on the forest floor provides little chance for ferns to grow.

The urge to cross the border tugs at him, but Jaypaw ignores it, settling beneath an elderberry bush a few pawsteps away.

Yellowfang had told him to wait here for a patrol to pass rather than attempt to find the camp himself, as the clan would see that as an intrusion. They patrol at night, she'd said, voice little more than a rasp in his ear. She'd visited him in his sleep exactly once, direct with her advice. Once you hear them approach, reveal yourself. Don't start any trouble.

So he waits.

Jaypaw's not used to being awake so late, so he keeps himself busy by grooming his pelt; it probably won't hurt to be looking his best when the patrol passes by. He's so wrapped up in cleaning a tough bit of fur on his hind leg that he almost misses the faint sound of pawsteps in the night air.

Ears angling towards the sound, he listens. There's three of them, two larger cats and one smaller. Scenting the air confirms his hunch, and he's in luck: one of the warriors on patrol tonight is his aunt.

That does surprise him slightly, seeing as Blackstar announced the birth of Tawnypelt's litter at the last gathering, but ThunderClan queens get restless, too. Perhaps she needed to stretch her legs and left her kits under the care of her mate. Whatever the case, Jaypaw's glad she's here, because she's his kin, and he's going to need all the help he can get.

Emerging from beneath the bush, Jaypaw lifts his head and approaches the border, getting close but not crossing over. The sound of the patrol changes immediately, going from a casual strolling to a sharp turn, deliberate. They've picked up his scent.

"Who goes there?" calls Tawnypelt.

"Jaypaw of ThunderClan," he calls back.

A heartbeat passes, and then the patrol emerges from the grass before him. He can hear their breaths, smell their scents grow stronger, bristling with hostility. Tawnypelt is the only member of the patrol he recognizes.

"You should be in your nest," comes a low hiss, "not poking your nose too close to the border in the middle of the night." 

Jaypaw tries to keep the bite out of his tone. "If ThunderClan was going to send someone to spy on you, they probably wouldn't pick a blind apprentice."

The cat from before grumbles under his breath, but doesn't argue with him. "Then why are you here? Are you lost?"

Swallowing, lifting his head, Jaypaw says, "I want to join ShadowClan."

He's met with silence. He can sense the patrol's confusion, mingled with doubt. "How do we know this isn't some sort of trick?" the tom counters.

"You don't." Jaypaw shrugs his shoulders a little. "But I'm alone, and my clan doesn't know I'm here. If you don't believe me, take me to Blackstar. They'll probably come looking for me in the morning."

Another pause; perhaps the two warriors are exchanging glances. The apprentice that's with them keeps their focus on Jaypaw, gaze so sharp that he can practically feel it piercing his pelt. They clearly don't trust him, but they don't attack, waiting instead for their mentor's orders.

"Let's take him to Blackstar," Tawnypelt finally says. "Let him decide what to do with him." Jaypaw lets out a breath he hadn't known he was holding, and his heart rises. They're giving him a chance!

"And what if he does turn out to be a spy?" the tom argues.

"What is there for him to learn, Ratscar? Where the camp is? It's too well-defended for ThunderClan to make an ambush." Tawnypelt's tail flicks over Jaypaw's ear, inviting him to cross the border at last. "Besides, the clans are at peace with one another."

"For now," Ratscar mutters, but he doesn't attack as Jaypaw carefully steps over the scent line. It's such a small act, and he has a long way to go, yet his heart is racing with excitement. He can practically hear Yellowfang grumbling in his ear. Alright, you've passed the first test. Don't screw this up.

Chapter Text

Getting from ThunderClan camp to the border, alone, in the middle of the night? Not exactly easy. Wandering through completely unfamiliar territory with three ShadowClan warriors is even harder.

Jaypaw stretches his whiskers as far as he can, though he's fortunate that there aren't as many obstacles here as there are in ThunderClan. Most of the plants that brush against his pelt are just short grass, leaving his fur dewy but unharmed. He moves quicker here than he did alone, wanting to keep up and prove that he's capable of managing himself. This has the unpleasant result of him stepping on a few prickly pine needles and nearly tripping over a pinecone, but thankfully nobody says anything about it.

Tawnypelt takes the lead, with Ratscar and the apprentice flanking him. Something like excitement flickers beneath his pelt, and he knows it's silly, but he feels different. These cats aren't trying to guide him; they're making sure he doesn't run off or start trouble. They're taking him seriously as an intruder, not as some poor lost apprentice.

A sudden chill ghosts over Jaypaw's ear, nearly making him stop in his tracks. It's like one of the ShadowClan cats leaned into whisper something to him, but never spoke. He's sure they're still a fair pawstep away from him, though, and even if they weren't their breath should be warm.

It's me, dumbass. Yellowfang's voice is quiet, nearly inaudible, but Jaypaw can still hear it. You've made it this far, but the next test is going to be harder. You'll have to be brave, but don't get cocky. Don't patronize Blackstar. Be honest about what you're here for and what you're sacrificing for this.

Jaypaw flicks one ear so she knows he's heard him, but otherwise doesn't react. The last thing he needs is for the ShadowClan cats to think he's talking to thin air.

He knows they've arrived at ShadowClan camp when he picks up multiple voices up ahead. The patrol files into a line, Tawnypelt in front, with Ratscar behind her and the apprentice bringing up the rear behind Jaypaw.

"It's a bramble tunnel," the apprentice says suddenly, startling Jaypaw. It's the first time she's spoken all night. "You'll want to duck."

He probably would have felt it with his whiskers before it was too late, but it would have been embarrassing if he hadn't. "Thanks," he mutters before crouching, creeping through the tunnel behind Ratscar.

Bramble leaves lightly brush the tops of his ears for just a moment, and then he can sense only air above him, so he stands up again. The ground underpaw is damp but soft, coated lightly with moss and pine needles. He can hear the undergrowth of the camp rustling around him, presumably full of cats; they must make their dens there.

A tension slowly begins to build in the clearing, and much of the soft chattering and rustling around him goes silent. Cats emerge from their dens to watch as Ratscar nudges Jaypaw forward. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, making his pelt prickle. Where's Blackstar? Surely someone has gone to fetch him.

A quiet sound makes his ears sharpen, like claws on tree bark, and that's when Jaypaw realizes his mistake: Blackstar is already here. There's a rustling noise, and then he hears paws thud firmly on the earth. If he had to guess, he'd say the clan leader was sitting on a low-hanging pine branch, letting everyone gather before he confronts him.

"It would seem that ShadowClan has a guest tonight," the tom says. His tone is deep, and Jaypaw has heard enough stories about Blackstar to know he's one of the largest cats in all four clans. It's hard not to be intimidated by him. "Ratscar, tell me what we have here."

The warrior's voice comes from a few paces away. "We found him on the border, Blackstar."

"Did he trespass?"

"No." Ratscar pauses, then adds, "He says he wants to join ShadowClan."

The clan murmurs around them. Some cats sound curious, others hostile, but they all go silent when Blackstar whisks his tail over the ground and calls for silence.

Jaypaw has to force his fur to lie flat as he waits. Blackstar looms over him, testing, but he doesn't flinch. The tom sniffs Jaypaw's forehead briefly, then moves back again. Jaypaw lets out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. His heart is racing like a rabbit.

"You're one of Firestar's grandchildren," Blackstar says. Jaypaw doesn't know if that's good or bad, but it's better than being called the blind one. "What's your name?"

He hopes Yellowfang is watching over him now. Keeping his head bowed, he answers. "Jaypaw, sir."

Blackstar begins to walk around him in a wide circle; Jaypaw can hear his massive pawsteps, and he lowers his head a little further, feeling less like an intruder and more like a mouse. "Tell me," Blackstar says, tone neutral. "What would bring a cat of your birthright to join ShadowClan?"

This is it!  Yellowfang hisses in his ear. Jaypaw takes a breath.

"I seek to train as a warrior apprentice, but my clan won't give me a real chance. They have no blind warriors in recent history."

Soft murmurs echo throughout the camp, though thank StarClan, none of them ring with pity. "And why ShadowClan?" Blackstar prompts. "WindClan or RiverClan could train you."

"They could," Jaypaw says. "But they aren't like ShadowClan. Your cats can hunt and fight in total darkness." He doesn't bother to explain why that would be a useful skill for him.

Blackstar says nothing, and his mood is impossible to read, but Jaypaw can hear the crowd talking again. He lifts his head and speaks loud enough for everyone to hear. "I want to be a warrior, and if ShadowClan can offer me that opportunity, I'll take it."

"Who's to say he won't just use us for training?" someone calls.

"That's a fair point." Blackstar stops his pacing. "If we trained you to be a warrior, would you leave the moment you had learned all you could? Would you go back to ThunderClan and teach them what we taught you?" The tom practically spits out the last few words.

Be honest, Yellowfang whispers.

Jaypaw waits a heartbeat before answering Blackstar. "I'm not a traitor, sir. I was born in ThunderClan, but my loyalty lies where I choose it."

"And if you're not telling the truth?"

"The only way to find out," he challenges, "is to train me, and see what happens."

He's right, and they all know it. Blackstar lashes his tail, the edge narrowly missing Jaypaw's head as he turned. "Russetfur and Littlecloud, come to my den and we'll discuss this in private. You," he adds, directed at Jaypaw, "stay here. Ratscar, keep an eye on him."

"Gladly." Ratscar huffs, plops down next to Jaypaw, and that's that. There's the sound of brambles rustling, and Blackstar is gone.

The crowd stirs, rippling like the shore of the lake. Jaypaw only just twitches his ears to follow the sound, not wanting to seem too interested, but it's enough for him to detect what's going on around him. There's a cluster of older warriors a fox-length away, probably senior members of the clan. Someone disappears into the undergrowth, and the air fills with the squeaks of kittens. 

Not far off is the fragrant scent of herbs and sleep, probably Littlecloud's den. They won't try to make him a healer too, will they? Stars, he did not go through all of this just to meet the same problems. He wishes Littlecloud had an apprentice already so they worry wouldn't gnaw at him so.

"Sit still," growls Ratscar, and Jaypaw realizes he's been nervously kneading at the ground with his paws. He stops.

Fortunately, Blackstar emerges from his den shortly after, two other cats close behind him; presumably, his deputy and healer. Blackstar stops in front of Jaypaw, dismissing Ratscar, who steps back without a word.

"Before I announce our decision," Blackstar says, "anyone who wishes to support or oppose Jaypaw's presence here is invited to say so."

Silence.

"I think we should give him a chance," a familiar voice calls, emerging into the clearing. The sound of kittens mewling grows louder as Tawnypelt steps forward, but she keeps going. "If he joins ShadowClan, he'll have to leave his kin behind. That's not a decision someone makes lightly."

"What if he turns on us?" someone hisses.

"What if he doesn't?" Tawnypelt retorts.

"If we turned down every cat that was born outside of the clan, we'd have no one." Jaypaw doesn't know that voice, but he thinks it belongs to a molly. "I know this isn't a matter of sight. It's about birthright."

"Enough," Blackstar says, and everyone goes quiet. "A decision has been made. Jaypaw, consider yourself fortunate. You will be allowed to stay in ShadowClan and train as a warrior." A few cats call out protest, and Blackstar hisses for silence. "However! You will be confined to camp for three moonrises, so we can be sure that this isn't some sort of trick. You will have an escort for that entire time, and once you are apprenticed--if you are apprenticed, you will follow your mentor's word as if it were the warrior code. If your actions hint at betrayal, you will be exiled."

"What's he going to do for those three moonrises?" the molly from before calls.

"He will tend to the elders and queens," Blackstar answers. "He will listen to their tales of our history, learn what makes ShadowClan stand out among the other clans. If those three moonrises pass without incident, he will take an oath of loyalty and be made an apprentice." The leader rounds on Jaypaw, voice stern. "Understood?"

Jaypaw's so relieved that he bows his head immediately. His whiskers quiver with excitement, with hope, feeling as though every hair on his pelt is on end.

You've done it, Yellowfang tells him, something almost like warmth in her voice. For now, anyway. Well done.

And Jaypaw says, "Understood, sir."

Chapter Text

Ratscar's apprentice--Jaypaw still hasn't caught her name--is chosen by Blackstar to be Jaypaw's shadow for today. After Ratscar gives his approval, the meeting adjourns, and the apprentice wastes no time, resting her tail on his shoulder and leading him away from the crowd.

She stops at the edge of the clearing and prods at something with one paw. Jaypaw gives it an experimental sniff; it's a pile of dried grass. "Here, Olivepaw gathered these earlier. It'll make good nest material for the elders."

"You don't use moss to line your nests?" he asks, surprised.

The apprentice snorts. "No. That doesn't sound very comfortable." She prods the grass again and Jaypaw relents, bending down and gathering up as much of it as he can, pressing it beneath his chin the way Brightheart taught him. Cleaning out nests, at least, is something he knows how to do.

He follows his guide into a stale-smelling den that can only belong to the elders. It's hidden away in a tightly-woven bramble thicket, but the bedding beneath his paws is soft, with no thorns. There's two cats in there already; one seems to have just settled down, while the other is resting nearby.

"Starting out with us, hm?" The former, a molly, rumbles a surprisingly friendly purr. "Fine with me. Could use some fresh grass, myself."

"I can handle that," Jaypaw says, moving into the molly's nest as she steps aside. Letting go of the bundle of bedding, he rearranges it by touch, spreading the grass out and shoring up the thinner bits of the nest. He's never been so...not annoyed by taking care of the elders before.

Perhaps that's because these aren't the elders he knows. Mousefur and Longtail are back in ThunderClan camp, probably asleep. It's still dark out, but Jaypaw is already getting the feeling that that's just how things are done in ShadowClan.

After he's pushed the stale bedding aside, the molly settles right in, shuffling in the fresh stuff. "Oh, that's nice. Thank you, dear." She leans forward, nose brushing Jaypaw's forehead as she gives him a curious sniff. "Jaypaw, was it?"

Her breath isn't so great, but he only wrinkles his nose, staying put until she moves away again. "Yes, ma'am."

"No need for formalities," she says as he gathers up the stale bedding. "You can call me Tallpoppy."

"Tallpoppy, then." He lifts his head, sniffing the air; the apprentice he came with is already finishing up on the other elder's nest. He doesn't even know her name yet. Stars, I hardly know anyone's names yet.

While he's been to one gathering before, he only really knows the names of ShadowClan's highest ranked membeers: Blackstar, Russetfur, and Littlecloud. His father, Brambleclaw, introduced him to Tawnypelt, and Tawnypelt's mate Rowanclaw, but then Lionpaw dragged him off to meet some WindClan apprentices, and that was about it.

Tawnypelt, at least, seems to be nice; she stood up for him during the meeting, after all. He doesn't know if Rowanclaw was there, and all he remembers of him from the gathering is that he was quiet and a bit stern. Jaypaw's unsure if the tom would be glad to have a former ThunderClan apprentice join ShadowClan, but then again, Tawnypelt was born there, too.

He wonders if she misses it. He wonders if he's going to miss it, after the novelty has worn off.

Someone nudges his shoulder, startling him from his thoughts. It's the apprentice. "Come on, I'll show you where we dump the old bedding."

He gathers up as much of the stale grass as he can, then follows along behind her. The camp seems to have quieted down, and the kits are no longer causing a ruckus in the nursery. There are a few cats gathered in one area, around what Jaypaw guesses is probably the fresh-kill pile.

"My name's Shrewpaw," the apprentice says, voice muffled by the bedding in her mouth. "They/them, if you please."

Sheepishly, Jaypaw realizes he probably should have asked sooner. "I'm Jaypaw. He/him."

Shrewpaw shows him to the edge of the dirtplace, just outside of camp, and they discard the bedding there before going back to fetch more. "Ratscar's your mentor, isn't he?" Jaypaw asks.

"Yeah. He's pretty cool." Shrewpaw's tone turns curious. "Who was your mentor? In ThunderClan, I mean."

Guilt paws at him. "Brightheart."

"I wonder who'll be your mentor now."

I'm wondering that, too.

Together, the two apprentices work to clean out the elder's den. As Shrewpaw tells it, there's two elders in the clan right now: Tallpoppy and Cedarheart. Tallpoppy is the oldest, while Cedarheart is actually Rowanclaw's brother from an older litter.

"Cedarheart can get a bit grumpy sometimes because of his arthritis," Shrewpaw says, "but he's usually okay. If he's complaining more than usual, you can tell Littlecloud and he'll come make sure he's not in any pain."

Seeing as Shrewpaw is excused from patrols to keep an eye on Jaypaw, they suggest building him a nest in the apprentices' den, and he agrees. There's enough grass there for him, along with some dry leaf litter that makes him think of his bedding in ThunderClan.

There's several other cat scents here, albeit staler ones. Shrewpaw directs him towards an area that's unclaimed, and they watch as he shuffles the bedding around to his taste.

"How many apprentices are in the clan?" Jaypaw asks. There's definitely more than just him and Shrewpaw, but he'll have to learn all their names eventually if he's going to be training wih them.

In three moonrises, if he's lucky, they'll be his clanmates. He hopes none of them are as stuck-up as Berrypaw.

"There's five of us, not counting you. My nest is over here," they add, pawing at the bedding so Jaypaw knows where it is, though he supposes that if he poked around he could figure it out by scent. "Scorchpaw's is here, he's my brother. Olivepaw's is next to mine. Owlpaw is in the corner; he used to be over there, but he said there was a draft and he's got short fur."

Jaypaw stands in his new nest, sniffing about before noticing a long, pointy stem poking at his flank. He tries to pick it out, but it's tangled in something next to him; after a heartbeat he realizes it's another nest. "What about this one?"

"That's Redpaw's." Shrewpaw's voice is slightly muffled; Jaypaw thinks they might be grooming themselves. "Try not to mess it up too much, she's pretty snarky."

Great. All the room in this den and I picked here. Jaypaw pulls the stem free, kicks it out of the general sleeping area, and sits down. "Where is everyone?"

"Training, probably. Or on patrol."

Jaypaw hesitates before speaking about them. "Would you tell me about them?"

"Yeah." Shrewpaw pauses. "Look, I'll admit I was suspicious of you at first, but you don't seem so bad. If you're gonna be a ShadowClan cat, you're gonna have to learn stuff, and there's no better way than by asking."

Embarrassment ripples Jaypaw's fur, but all he says is, "Thanks."

Chapter Text

Shrewpaw goes back to grooming themselves, talking as they go, and Jaypaw settles in to listen. The other apprentice doesn't exactly ramble, but they do mention a few extra bits of information about the others that lets Jaypaw learn a little about their personalities.

Scorchpaw is, as Shrewpaw mentioned, their brother, and the two of them are the oldest apprentices in ShadowClan. Scorchpaw can be a little sullen at times, but after he warms up to someone he shows his softer side. Shrewpaw suspects he's got feelings for someone in the clan, but doesn't know who, and Scorchpaw won't say. Snaketail's his mentor, and they get along reasonably well.

Olivepaw comes next. She's probably the friendliest of the bunch, though she's also the most competitive and likes to turn anything into a contest. She doesn't back down from a challenge, even if that challenge involves climbing the Broken Pine backwards with her eyes closed, which Shrewpaw is happy to tell Jaypaw all about. Apparently Crowfrost was furious when he found out, but it earned her some pretty tough cred among the apprentices at the last gathering.

Olivepaw has a brother, Owlpaw, but he's so unlike his sister that Shrewpaw jokes that he's half cat and half squirrel. They're shy, cautious, and think carefully before making a decision, unlike Olivepaw. He's good with the elders, and he helps out Littlecloud whenever the healer needs an assistant. Littlecloud even offered to mentor him, but Owlpaw's curiosity for herbs pretty much stops at that--curiosity. Smokefoot is their mentor, and he says it's fine for Owlpaw to help out in the healer's den sometimes as long as they show up for training on time.

Secretly, this last bit of information is a relief to Jaypaw. The last thing he wants is to be forced into the path of a healer, a path he knows he doesn't want. Leafpool tried to persuade him quite often while he was in ThunderClan, and very few of his clanmates tried to intervene.

His littermates were some of those few. The concept of him being a healer had been tossed around for as long as he could remember, before he was even old enough to voice his opinion about it. When they were kits, Jaypaw's brother insisted they could practice battle moves together, and when the time came for them to be apprenticed, his sister asked to be Leafpool's apprentice, surprising most of their clanmates.

Jaypaw knows Hollypaw doubts herself as a healer's apprentice, and she's always wondered if it's truly the path for her, but she always stuck with her choice. Up until recently, she never breathed a word about changing her mind.

"I want to train as a warrior," Hollypaw admitted. They were fetching fresh bedding for the elders, in one of the rare excursions Jaypaw had outside of camp without his mentor by his side. Hollypaw usually trained with Leafpool during the day, but Brightheart was on a border patrol and poor, blind Jaypaw couldn't go out in the forest by himself, could he?

He felt his heart sink as Hollypaw spoke, but he shoved it aside. "Does Leafpool know?"

"No, just you." His sister scratched up some fresh moss. "I wanted to tell you first because... well, she doesn't really want me as her apprentice. She wants it to be you."

He couldn't help twisting his ears backwards, sinking his claws into the pile of moss he had scraped up. "I know."

It would have fit so nicely if this was what he wanted. Hollypaw would become a warrior apprentice, and Leafpool would want someone else to fill in her pawsteps. In the eyes of the clan, Jaypaw was the obvious choice. Firestar would gather up Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw and tell them that this was what he was meant for, and of course they would agree with him, no matter what Jaypaw might want. Blind cats in ThunderClan belonged in one of two groups: the elders, or the healers.

He hadn't realized his fur was bristling until Hollypaw tentatively rested her tail on his shoulder. Guilt was washing off of her pelt in waves. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he said, forcing himself to calm down. He wanted Hollypaw to follow the path she felt was best for her, just as he knew she wanted that for him. But abdicating her position meant there would be no reason for him to remain a warrior apprentice, at least in the eyes of the clan. Not if he could be useful somewhere else.

"I'll delay it for as long as I can," Hollypaw added; quiet, offering. "Until the next half-moon meeting."

"You don't have to."

"I know." She touched her nose to his ear, then stepped away to scratch up some more moss. She was a good sister.

She still is, because they're still kin, even if Jaypaw is in ShadowClan now. Loss suddenly pierces him like a claw; he had to leave Hollypaw and Lionpaw behind in ThunderClan, and nothing from this point on would ever be the same between them. Stars, he hadn't even told them he was going to join ShadowClan. As difficult as a choice as it had been, he knew they might have stopped him, intentionally or otherwise. 

He didn't know how to explain how much he needs this, not then, and not now. Tonight, Lionpaw was asleep in the apprentices' den in ThunderClan camp; tonight, Hollypaw was traveling with Leafpool for her last half-moon meeting at the moonpool; and tonight, Jaypaw slipped away into the shadows beyond what he knew. He didn't look back.

Chapter Text

"What's she doing here?"

An apprentice's voice drags Jaypaw from his thoughts, back to the nest he's made for himself. A new cat has entered the den, one whose scent he's able to match to the nest nearest his own. It's Redpaw.

He hears Shrewpaw pause their washing, but before they can say anything, Jaypaw growls in Redpaw's direction. "He has ears, thank you very much."

Redpaw snorts, stepping past him to plop down in her nest. He doesn't miss the way she pointedly turns her back to him.

"I thought you were at the meeting," Shrewpaw says.

"I was. I just don't get why he has to sleep in here," Redpaw argues. "He's not an apprentice."

"Yet," Jaypaw snaps.

"He will be in a couple days. Besides, it's nice to have someone new to talk to." Shrewpaw yawns, apparently unbothered by Redpaw's attitude, though Jaypaw supposes that could be because it's not directed at them. "Where would you have him sleep? The queens' den?"

"No," Redpaw grumbles under her breath. Then, louder, "If he even looked at the nursery, Rowanclaw would tear his whiskers off."

"I'm not a kit," Jaypaw says, trying to keep his voice level. She's definitely more of an ass than Berrypaw, but at least she's not acting like she's StarClan's gift to the lake. "I've been an apprentice for a moon."

"You two must be the same age, then," Shrewpaw points out. Redpaw hisses but doesn't say anything else, pinning her tail down with her paws to give it a quick wash.

"Who's the same age as Redpaw?" another voice meows, and Jaypaw takes a heartbeat to flatten his fur as two more cats push their way into the den. Owlpaw and Olivepaw, if he had to guess.

"Jaypaw is. Did you two miss the meeting?"

"I was on patrol with Smokefoot," says a tom, voice soft. Owlpaw. "But Ratscar told us when we got back."

"Scorchpaw and I were training. I gave his nose a good scratching, by the way," adds another voice, clearly pleased with herself. Jaypaw doesn't flinch as the molly flicks her tail over his ear. "Hi, Jaypaw! I'm Olivepaw. This is my brother, Owlpaw."

Something like curiosity tugs at him. "Do ShadowClan cats really train with their claws unsheathed?" he asks.

Olivepaw lets out a mrrow of amusement, turning away and settling into her nest near Shrewpaw. "No, it was just an accident. Is that what they tell you in ThunderClan?"

"The elders do," Jaypaw mumbles.

"All elders love stories," Owlpaw says from his corner of the den. "But they're just stories, I think. ThunderClan cats don't change the color of their fur to blend in with the ferns, do they?"

He snorts. "No."

"And WindClan cats can't float like fog, and RiverClan cats don't teach their kits to swim before they open their eyes," Owlpaw says matter-of-factly. A brief pause, then, "At least, I hope they don't."

Jaypaw can smell Scorchpaw before he hears him; a waft of herbs reaches his nose, so much like Leafpool's den that it nearly startles him. It's different, though, overlaid with pine and damp earth.

"They wouldn't have any warriors if they did," Scorchpaw says as he passes by. "Hello, Jaypaw."

Word must spread quickly here. In that sense, it's not so different from ThunderClan. "Hello. Nice scratch."

"Thank you." Scorchpaw shuffles as he settles into his own nest. "I was hoping my first scar would be something cooler, though."

"It wasn't even that deep," Olivepaw protests. In a sincere tone, she adds, "Sorry, Scorch. Does it still hurt?"

"Nah, Littlecloud barely put anything on it." The tom scratches behind his ear with one hind paw. "He says it'll probably fade, anyway."

As the apprentices begins to settle down around him, Jaypaw realizes that they're preparing to go to sleep. He'd almost thought they'd just come in to say hello or to tidy up their nests, but he can hear them shuffling in the grass, sharing tongues and chatting quietly about their training, almost like they've forgotten he's here. It's a familiar scene, and privately, Jaypaw lets it comfort him as he gets comfortable.

Something soft brushes his nose when he shifts one way, and he sneezes. Redpaw lets out a startled hiss. "Get your nose away from my tail!"

"Get your tail away from my nose," Jaypaw retorts, but he rolls over, anyway. 

"Better be careful, Jaypaw," Olivepaw teases. "There's only room for one insufferable apprentice in this clan, and Redpaw claimed that stake long before you did."

"Can't you all be quiet for five minutes?" Redpaw grumbles, voice muffled; Jaypaw guesses she's covered her face with her tail. "I've been training all night, and I'm exhausted."

Jaypaw twitches his whiskers. "Isn't it almost dawn?" he asks, directed towards Shrewpaw.

"Pretty much. We sleep during the day, though, in case no one told you." They yawn, then rest their head on their paws. "You'll get used to it."

He is awfully tired from his trek through the forest, so he doesn't really have any complaints tonight. As the others quiet down, he rests his chin on the edge of his nest, listening to the sounds of crickets chirping outside the camp, of birds beginning to properly stir and sing in the trees. If not for the wind whistling through the pines, it's almost like home.

No, like ThunderClan. Jaypaw can't picture this place as his home yet, but ThunderClan belongs to his past now, and he belongs here. Feeling hopeful for the future, for whatever the next few moonrises might bring, he shuts his eyes and slips into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

A paw prods Jaypaw's side, and he squeezes his eyes shut tightly in response. Exhaustion clutches at him like claws, and he distantly hopes that Berrypaw had just kicked him by accident. He isn't ready for another day of staying in camp while his denmates learn battle moves and compete for the biggest catch.

The paw prods him again, though. "Come on, Jaypaw, get up."

That isn't Berrypaw's voice. As Jaypaw lifts his head, blinking blearily, he remembers: he's in ShadowClan now, in the apprentices' den, which means this cat is one of his new denmates. Excitement makes the remainder of his sleepiness wane, and he yawns before arching his back in a stretch. "Alright, alright. What are we doing first?"

"Nothing," Scorchpaw tells him. "It's noon, and most of the clan is still asleep."

Jaypaw twitches his whiskers in annoyance. "Why did you wake me, then?"

"Your clan came for you."

Ears sharpening, he's able to pick out a few voices in the clearing outside. It takes him a heartbeat to recognize one as Blackstar, but he knows the other voice immediately, the way he knows his own four paws and the whiskers on his face.

Scorchpaw doesn't stop Jaypaw as he pushes his way out of the apprentices' den, scrambling into the clearing. The familiar scent of ThunderClan washes over him, making his chest ache as he hurries forward.

"I don't care if ShadowClan is sleeping the day away!" Squirrelflight growls. Ferocity and fear are washing off of her pelt in equal measure, while Blackstar seems to be unfazed in front of her. "I will see my son! We tracked Jaypaw over the border, and we're not going home without-" she breaks off, meowing in surprise. "Jaypaw!"

He barely has a chance to brace himself before Squirrelflight tackles him, covering his head with licks. He flattens his ears, embarrassed by her overprotective nature, but he doesn't try to push her away. Secretly, he even relishes the familiar comfort of her scent, her warm fur reminding him of his kithood in the nursery. "Hi, mom."

"Where in Thunder's name have you been?" she asks, scarcely pausing her grooming to speak.

"Here."

"That's what Blackstar said." Another voice, Brambleclaw's, fills Jaypaw's ears. His father doesn't tackle him like Squirrelflight did, but he bunts his head against Jaypaw's, and his relief is evident in his tone. "But we weren't sure."

"ShadowClan does not kidnap apprentices," rumbles the deep voice of Blackstar. "He came of his own will."

Squirrelflight stops grooming his ears, but wraps her fluffy tail around him. "Jay, what's he talking about?"

He swallows, knowing that the way he phrases his next words will change his relationship with his parents permanently. "I left ThunderClan. I'm a ShadowClan cat now."

A mixture of emotions seem to seep from Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw like sap: confusion, grief, anger. Jaypaw speaks up again before they can get in any arguments. "I can't be a warrior in ThunderClan. Not becuase I'm incapable, but because nobody will give me a chance. ShadowClan has agreed to train me."

"Just for a while?" Squirrelflight says, hope in her tone.

Ears flat, he shakes his head. "No. I'm going to stay."

His parents are both silent for a long moment. Jaypaw tries to come up with another way to make this easier for them, to help them understand, but he comes up empty-pawed. Squirrelflight speaks, much quieter than usual. "Firestar gave you a chance, though. Brightheart is a plenty capable warrior."

"I'm not saying she isn't. The problem doesn't lie with her." Jaypaw takes a breath. "The problem lies with the way the clan views me. I'm blind, not helpless. I know I can learn to hunt and fight, but they don't believe me. Hollypaw is going to train as a warrior, and Leafpool will beg Firestar to make me her apprentice. That's not the path I want."

Surprise ripples over Squirrelflight's pelt. "How did you know that? The clan didn't even know until this morning."

"She told me."

"No one would make you a healer if you didn't want to be," Brambleclaw tells him. Jaypaw wants to explain the way Leafpool keeps trying to coax him away from a warrior's path, how Brightheart is almost afraid to teach him to fight, but there's no way he can put it into words. Not in a way his father will understand, at least.

"I could talk to Firestar," Squirrelflight says, almost pleading. "I could train you alongside Brightheart. Then the clan will have to understand."

Jaypaw shakes his head. "I don't want to spend my life trying to prove myself that way."

"I know." Her voice cracks. "I know. I don't want you to do that, either. I just don't want to lose you."

Heart aching, he bunts his head against her flank. "You won't lose me. We'll see each other at gatherings."

"But it won't be the same. What about your brother and sister?"

"They know I want to be a warrior more than anything." He swallows, hoping his next words are true. "They'll understand."

Squirrelflight rests her chin on his head for a heartbeat, and Jaypaw lets himself be held by his mother. "I love you," she says, after a moment. "And if this is what you want, I'll let you go."

He takes a deep breath. "It's what I want."

"Alright." She steps away from him, sorrow clinging to her pelt like cobwebs. "You're going to be a brilliant warrior, Jay. I'll always be your mother, no matter what borders might separate us."

"And I'll always be your son," he answers. This seems to bring a little comfort to Squirrelflight, whose gaze bores into his pelt for a moment longer before she steps away, slipping out of ShadowClan camp without another word.

"Just as I'll always be your father," Brambleclaw promises. He's been so quiet, Jaypaw nearly forgot he was there. He bunts his head against his shoulder, almost like an apology.

"ShadowClan might be a good place for you, but you can always come home if you change your mind, no questions asked." Brambleclaw rasps his tongue over Jaypaw's head. "I'm very proud of you."

"Dad," Jaypaw says, struggling to keep his voice steady.

Brambleclaw flicks his tail, acknowledging, but he continues. "Train hard, and if anyone tries to push you around, push back. ShadowClan is tough, but you can be tougher. You're very brave to be making a choice like this, and I'll always support you."

"Thank you." Jaypaw takes a slow breath, then lets it go. Something like relief comes after it. "Thank you."

His father touches his nose to his head, stepping away towards the bramble tunnel. By now, a few cats have emerged from their dens to see what all the fuss is about, including Tawnypelt. She's left her kits in the nursery, presumably with Rowanclaw, and she straightens when Brambleclaw speaks to her before he leaves.

"Look after him," Brambleclaw says to her. It's less of a question and more of an answer.

"As if he were my own son," Tawnypelt promises. Jaypaw stands, heart aching, but unwavering as his father, and his final tie to ThunderClan, disappears into the forest.

Chapter Text

Blackstar sends him back to the apprentices' den, grumbling something about it being 'too early to be accused of kidnapping'. He doesn't seem angry at Jaypaw, though, which he decides to take as a good sign.

When he wakes the second time, a while later, Scorchpaw is once more the one who disturbs him. "C'mon, Jaypaw, it's already moonrise. We've got things to do, y'know."

He sits up, feeling more well-rested than he had the last time he woke. He feels... better, too, in his heart. His family knows where he is, and that he's safe. They were sad, yes, but they allowed him to go. They aren't going to drag him back to ThunderClan, and he'll never have to train as a healer.

A thrill races beneath his pelt, something he only ever felt while roaming the forest with Brightheart: freedom. Scorchpaw waits by the entrance to the apprentices' den as he shakes out his fur. "We?"

"I'm your escort for today," Scorchpaw says, uttering the word like it tastes weird in his mouth. "I'd rather be out battle training, but Snaketail says it's good experience."

Jaypaw snorts, somewhat amused. He's getting the feeling that Scorchpaw is what Hollypaw might refer to as 'brutally honest'. "I'd rather be out battle training, too."

"You will be soon, as long as everything goes smoothly." Scorchpaw leads the way out of the den, Jaypaw following along behind him.

The air feels cool and clean on his pelt, even as the camp is bustling with activity. He can smell Tallpoppy and Cedarheart sharing tongues outside of their den, while the deep voice of Russetfur organizes patrols somewhere nearby. From the nursery he can hear the quiet but shrill squeaks of kittens, and smell the warm scent of milk.

Jaypaw nearly bumps into Scorchpaw, distracted by the cats around him. The older tom has paused next to what can only be the fresh-kill pile; there's multiple scents coming off of it, some familiar and some less so, but it makes his mouth water.

"We've got to feed the queens," Scorchpaw explains. His voice becomes muffled as he goes on; Jaypaw guesses he's picked up a piece of prey. "Tawnypelt and Snowbird."

Jaypaw gives the pile a careful sniff before snagging a squirrel from the edge and following Scorchpaw towards the nursery. As they grow closer, he begins to feel apprehensive for reasons he doesn't understand, making the fur along his spine prickle. He shouldn't be nervous to see Tawnypelt; she's been nice enough to him since he's came here.

"Delivery!" Scorchpaw calls into the nursery. A chirp comes from inside, inviting him in, and he slips in without another word. Still hesitant, Jaypaw follows.

Despite the cool night air outside, the den is surprisingly warm, and quite comfortable. He can smell Tawnypelt in one corner of the den, her kits at her belly, while the molly he presumes is Snowbird is dozing nearby. He hears her stretch as he and Scorchpaw approach with their breakfast.

"Is that for me?" Tawnypelt asks. Scorchpaw has stepped over towards Snowbird with his prey, so Jaypaw nods and drops the squirrel at her paws. "Thank you, Jaypaw. Would you like to meet the kittens?"

He pauses. "I guess."

"If you're worried about Rowanclaw, don't be. Russetfur put him on patrol." Tawnypelt twitches her tail, amused. "He's just overprotective because this is our first litter."

He doesn't bother trying to deny that her mate is a little scary. Rowanclaw is a lot bigger and stronger than Jaypaw, and he probably wouldn't be happy about a stranger getting so close to his kits. "But you're not?"

"I was more worried that I would do something wrong, honestly. They're almost a week old now, though, and they're doing well." She touches his shoulder with her tail. "Littlecloud said I should trust my instincts and stop worrying."

"Remind me to do that when my litter arrives," Snowbird teases from the other side of the nursery.

Tawnypelt just laughs and guides Jaypaw to the kits, letting him sniff each one. They're small, mostly asleep, and he takes care not to brush his whiskers against them too much, lest he disturb them. There's three of them, and their eyes and ears are still closed.

"The larger tom is Talonkit, and the smaller one is Flamekit," Tawnypelt tells him. "The molly is Dawnkit."

"Strong names," he comments.

"That's just how we do things in ShadowClan," Scorchpaw says, nearly making Jaypaw jump. "Intimidation is half the battle."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

"Think of it this way. Which cat sounds tougher, Crowfrost or Cloudtail?"

Jaypaw lifts his chin. "You haven't seen Cloudtail first thing in the morning," he says, earning a snort of amusement from Scorchpaw.

"In battle, though, you're probably not gonna know the cat you're fighting. You might recognize their scent, and you'll probably have heard their name at a gathering once or twice, but that's the only impression you've got."

Jaypaw shakes his head, but he kind of understands what Scorchpaw is getting at. "I suppose Jaypaw isn't the toughest name, is it?"

"It's alright." Scorchpaw shrugs, bidding the queens goodbye with a flick of his tail before leaving the den. Doing the same, Jaypaw follows. "I'm sure Blackstar will give you something fierce if you become a warrior."

Silently, Jaypaw wonders what that name might be, and if he can ever live up to it.

Chapter Text

Someone has already brought the elders fresh-kill, as evidenced by the squirrel Jaypaw can smell, but Scorchpaw leads him inside, anyway. Tallpoppy is the first to greet them, lifting her head from her meal. "Good evening, you two. Olivepaw beat you to it, I'm afraid, though that's a fine frog you've got," she adds, directed towards Scorchpaw.

After feeding the queens, they'd gone back to the fresh-kill pile, each grabbing a piece of prey. While Jaypaw knows he'll probably get used to it eventually, he isn't sure he can stomach a frog yet; they're slimy, and they smell like slugs. Not very appetizing. At least ShadowClan warriors catch forest prey, too.

"We're actually here for a few stories, if Cedarheart is feeling up to it." Scorchpaw drops his frog and settles down to eat. Jaypaw, holding a mouse in his jaws, is unsure where to sit until a tom's voice rises from the den.

"Ah, Jaypaw! Forgive me for not greeting you yesterday." The bedding shuffles as someone pawed at it, encouraging, and Jaypaw sits as directed. "My joints were acting up again, but they're much better now."

"You're Cedarheart, then," Jaypaw guesses.

"He's the best storyteller in the clan," Tallpoppy chimes in. "Got quite a way with words."

"I don't know about that, but I do enjoy it. It's the best part of being retired." Cedarheart is purring, a deep rumbling that reminds Jaypaw of Longtail back in ThunderClan's camp. "What kind of stories are you here for?"

"Blackstar said something about ShadowClan's history." Jaypaw bends his head to take a bite of his mouse.

"Fair enough. Seems as though I should start from the beginning, eh?"

"I've heard the story of how the clans were formed," Jaypaw tells him, and it's true. Every clan cat has heard it, from the time they're kits until they have kits of their own: after a brutal battle, Thunderstar, Shadowstar, Windstar, and Riverstar had formed the clans that had taken their namesakes. The story has probably been told more times than there are stars in the sky.

"From a ThunderClan perspective," Cedarheart points out. "I think you'll find Shadowstar's real story to be a bit different, but first, I'll ask you not to repeat her true name among the other clans. I don't know how these things are in ThunderClan, but here, we value her name and don't speak it among outsiders."

Did this mean the elders no longer consider Jaypaw an outsider? His ears prick. "I won't tell anyone."

"Good." Cedarheart's purring resumes, and he takes a bite of his squirrel and chews before speaking again. "The other clans know her as Shadowstar, and indeed, that was her name at the time of her death, but when the clans were little more than strays, we called her Tall Shadow."

Tall Shadow. So ShadowClan has always had a thing for dramatic names.

"Leadership among the cats back then changed paws often, but Tall Shadow rose to the challenge several times." Cedarheart flicks his tail. "I suppose ThunderClan tells stories of her belligerence?"

"They said she was sly as a fox, and just as quick to bite."

"The first is true. The second, not so." Cedarheart huffs. "She knew there was more than one way to fight, and more than one way to win. Those ways don't always involve teeth and claws."

Jaypaw's whiskers twitch. "Then how?"

"Tall Shadow taught that we do not need to shed blood to prove ourselves. Let the other clans bicker among themselves, start their skirmishes. When they push at our borders--and they always do--we push back harder. We let our strength speak for itself."

"Intimidation," Jaypaw guesses, remembering what Scorchpaw was talking about earlier.

"Exactly." Cedarheart hums. "We name our warriors after the darkest nights and the swiftest creatures of the forest. We stalk the shadows where no other clans dare to tread, and we know we are enough. But when we do unsheathe our claws, we fight for the good and the glory, and no cat could deny it."

Cedarheart definitely has a way with words, like Tallpoppy said. It's been a while since Jaypaw found himself so interested in an elders' tale that he forgot his fresh-kill, but his mouse is sitting at his paws, only half eaten. A little embarrassed, he takes a bite.

Even after his food is eventually gone, Jaypaw keeps his ears sharp. Cedarheart goes on and on, regaling him with stories of ShadowClan's past. He talks about the early days, when Tall Shadow started the practice of having deputies succeed their leaders. He talks about the death of the ancient cats' leader, Shaded Moss, and how Tall Shadow stepped forward in the aftermath of his passing, when her companions most needed her. He talks about how she learned to move through the marsh as quiet as a mouse, how her stark black coat blended so perfectly with the darkness that only the glint of her green eyes could betray her position.

Brambleclaw once told him that there was a lesson that could be learned from every story. Jaypaw wasn't so sure that was true then, and he isn't sure of it now. But he sits, quiet, and he listens.

Chapter Text

Much of his three moonrises in ShadowClan pass with stories, either from Cedarheart or Tallpoppy, though on his occasional visits to the nursery, Tawnypelt usually has one for him, too. They have a lot of tales that Jaypaw has never heard before, and even the ones he does know, the ones he learned in ThunderClan, are different coming from a ShadowClan cat. It's a different perspective, one he hadn't considered before.

After Scorchpaw, he's shadowed by Olivepaw, and then Owlpaw. Mercifully, he doesn't get paired up with Redpaw; he's not sure he'd be able to refrain from bickering with her, and he needs to stay in the clan's good graces. She's ShadowClan-born, so the clan would probably take her side whether she started it or not.

Curious and eager as he is, he stays in camp for those three moonrises. In addition to learning about ShadowClan's past, he learns about their present. He tries to memorize everyone's names, pairing them with their scents so he can work out who's who without having to ask. He memorizes where each den is by his pawsteps, following the faintly worn tracks and the scents left by the other cats.

ShadowClan culture is different, though he supposes he should have known not every clan would do things the way ThunderClan does. In addition to sleeping during the day instead of at night, their hunting patrols split up after they head out, each cat hunting separately but close enough to the others to call out for help if they need it. They hold their ceremonies at moonhigh, when StarClan's light is brightest. They weave fresh pine needles into their dens, sharp side out, to disguise their scent and to discourage wannabe invaders.

Jaypaw learns about the individual members of the clan, too, mostly through observation, but also from the other apprentices. Blackstar, it seems, sits on the high-branch quite often, keeping watch over the camp from a high vantage point. Toadfoot and Applefur are brother and sister, and the children of Tallpoppy; they visit her often in the elder's den. Snowbird says she'll raise her kits alone, and refuses to name their sire, but Shrewpaw tells Jaypaw privately that it was a rogue who broke things off with her after he found out she was pregnant. Ratscar is Snowbird's brother, and he fiercely defends her if anyone tries to push her too hard about her former mate.

It's in this way, through apprentice gossip, that he finds out something notable that would have taken him longer to find out himself. It's nearly dawn on his third moonrise in ShadowClan, and all the apprentices are in their den, chatting as they get comfortable and prepare to sleep.

"Tomorrow's the big day, Jaypaw!" Olivepaw chirps.

As if I could forget! Jaypaw just nods swiftly. He's so excited and nervous, he doesn't know how he'll ever be able to sleep.

"Who do you think your mentor will be?" she presses.

He flicks the tip of his tail. "I don't know. You know everyone better than I do."

"Maybe Oakfur," Shrewpaw muses aloud. "He's pretty cool, for a senior warrior. I know Kinkfur wants an apprentice, but fae haven't had one before, and I think Blackstar would probably want someone with more experience. I bet Tawnypelt would offer, but she's busy with her kittens. Kin don't usually train kin, anyway."

"What about Whitewater?" Olivepaw suggests.

Jaypaw's head feels like it's crowded as he tries to attach information to the names he's hearing. He knows Oakfur is the oldest warrior in the clan, though he still has a few good seasons left in him before he retires. He's been polite to Jaypaw on the rare chance they've spoken. Kinkfur, on the other hand, is a bit suspicious of Jaypaw, if faer chilly tone of voice when he's around means anything. Privately, he wouldn't mind it if Tawnypelt mentored him, but like Shrewpaw said, she's in the nursery. Her kittens are too young for her to leave them all day.

The last name stumps him; the only thing he knows about Whitewater is that she spoke up, once, in his favor for joining ShadowClan. That, and she's a younger warrior. "What happened to 'someone with more experience?'"

"She is young," Shrewpaw admits, "but she's experienced in different ways. She was born blind in one eye."

An odd mix of surprise and annoyance mix within Jaypaw. The concept of him needing a mentor that's similarly disabled to him is something that was definitely prevalent in ThunderClan, and he'd hoped ShadowClan would be different. On the other paw, Whitewater was born blind. She might know certain skills and tricks that a cat born with perfect vision wouldn't know.

Brightheart tried her best, and Jaypaw knows that. She was patient with him when he struggled, and she vouched for him when Mousefur questioned why he was still training as a warrior. He still feels guilty, knowing that he was her first apprentice, and that Firestar may not give her another. But maybe he can make her proud here.

"I thought all ShadowClan cats could hunt and fight in the dark," Jaypaw challenges.

"We can." Shrewpaw shrugs. "She's just really good at it."

"She already has an apprentice, in case you lot have forgotten," hisses a voice. Redpaw, who's usually quiet as she gets ready for sleep, has spoken up. Whitewater must be her mentor.

"That's true. It'd be a bit silly for Blackstar to reassign you." Shrewpaw pauses, then says, "We'll just have to wait until tomorrow."

Chapter Text

Sleep comes for Jaypaw eventually, though it takes longer than usual. It's not been easy for him to adjust to waking up at moonrise, but he's tired by the time the moon sets, so getting to sleep isn't something he's been having trouble with before tonight.

He can't help it. Tomorrow, he becomes a ShadowClan apprentice. Or, at least, he hopes so. He doesn't think he's done anything to make Blackstar change his mind, but he's hard to read. 

Jaypaw lays awake for some time; trying to guess who his mentor will be, what his training will be like, and when the more standoffish cats in the clan will accept him as a clanmate. When he does manage to fall asleep, it feels as though he's barely shut his eyes when someone is calling his name from the corner of the den.

Jaypaw, a voice hisses.

Groggily, he lifts his head. His denmates are still snoring around him. At first, he think his closest neighbor has woken him. "Redpaw?"

Cold air suddenly brushes against his ear, making his fur stand on end. The voice is deep, rumbly, and closer to him than it was a moment ago. Try again.

Ears sharpening, Jaypaw sits up, whiskers flared out. He can't see her--he never has--but he knows her raspy voice, and the scent of oak and pine that drifts into his nose. "Yellowfang."

Better. The chilly patch of air moves, circling him. So. Tomorrow's the big night.

"I know." Jaypaw shakes out his fur. "I shouldn't be talking to you right now, you know that? If the others wake up, they'll think I'm crazy."

They're asleep, dumbass. Yellowfang snorts. You're asleep, too. This is just a dream.

He doesn't know if that's true or not, but decides not to debate it. "What do you want?"

Is that how you talk to your warrior ancestors? she grumbles, but continues. You aren't a ShadowClan cat yet, you know.

He lifts his chin. "I will be tomorrow."

But there's a long way to go before you become a warrior. If you do. You'll need to fit as seamlessly as you can with your new clanmates if you want them to accept you as one of them.

"I'm making friends," he argues, even if he's not fully sure of that yet.

That's a start.

"What else do I need to know? Do you have something to tell me?" Jaypaw pauses. "Do you know who my mentor will be?"

Yellowfang ignores the first two questions, settling instead on the third. I don't know, but I have my guess.

He leans forward, curiosity tugging at his whiskers. "Who?"

You sound like Owlpaw.

"Very funny."

I'm not here to debate mentors with you.  Yellowfang shakes out her coat; he can hear the ruffle of fur, feel little bits of cold land on his pelt like tiny stars. I'm here to tell you that I won't be around to guide you so much anymore. I've helped you become an apprentice, but I'm not going to walk you through your training like a kit.

Jaypaw bristles. "I can handle it."

I know. That's why I'm stepping back.

Something is still nagging at him, a stray thought nibbling at his mind like a flea on an elder's pelt. "Why help me in the first place? If I had stayed, I'd have become a healer. Leafpool still needs an apprentice."

I'd rather not visit that part of my past, Yellowfang says, quiet, almost like she's talking to herself. But I think it will explain more than I could.

Jaypaw opens his mouth to ask what she means, but before he can, his head spins. Nausea washes over him in waves, and he shuts his eyes tightly as he crouches in his nest. One scenario after another flashes in his mind; a much younger Yellowfang arguing with a molly, then a tomcat. Yellowfang doubled over in what must be pain, though there is no obvious source. Yellowfang, giving birth alone in the forest. Yellowfang, giving up her mate, and her only surviving child. Yellowfang, giving up everything she ever wanted.

Sagewhisker saw something in me, I suppose. Yellowfang's tone is almost bitter, but Jaypaw concentrates on it as the visions fade and his nausea begins to clear. I was already a warrior, and I didn't want to give that up. StarClan had other ideas.

"They made you," Jaypaw says, realizing.

They made me. I trained two apprentices in my lifetime, one in ShadowClan and one in ThunderClan, she rasps. Runningnose was interested in herbs from the time he was a kitten, and I had no qualms about teaching him. But Cinderpelt...

"The healer who died saving Sorreltail and her kittens," Jaypaw says, because he knows her name. Cinderpaw was named after her, after all. "Leafpool's mentor."

She became my apprentice after her accident. I didn't pressure her, but she felt as though it was her only option, other than early retirement. She didn't get to be a warrior, either. One of my greatest regrets is that I didn't push Bluestar harder to let her go back to her training.

A chill sweeps over Jaypaw, as though Yellowfang is looming over him, though her voice is more protective than ominous or threatening. You will have your chance to be a warrior. Train hard, prove your loyalty, and don't let anyone give you shit. As quickly as it has risen up, the cold begins to fade. We may speak again, but for now, your dreams will be yours alone.

So that was it. StarClan hadn't sent Yellowfang to talk to him in his sleep, urging him to take control of his fate no matter the cost. Yellowfang had come of her own accord, because no one had helped her when she'd been through the same thing. She and Cinderpelt had both been unwilling healers, barred from their hopes for their futures, but maybe Jaypaw can change that. Maybe he can be the one to end the cycle.

He tries to ask her to stay, to thank her, but Yellowfang's fluffy tail brushes his nose. You can thank me when you've earned your warrior name. Get some sleep, Jaypaw.

Just like that, the chill of the stars fades completely, and despite his best efforts, Jaypaw finds himself slipping back into slumber.

Chapter Text

The apprentices' den is empty when he wakes for good. With a little thrill, Jaypaw realizes he doesn't have to have an escort anymore. Today, he's on his own; or, at least, he is until his ceremony. Then his mentor will be watching him.

His ceremony. It won't be until moon-high, but the thought sends another burst of energy through his body.

The camp is busy as usual. Shrewpaw and Scorchpaw are by the fresh-kill pile, bickering lightly over who caught the biggest squirrel, while Cedarheart deliberates. Based on scent, Blackstar is perched on the high-branch, and Littlecloud is just outside his den, talking with Snowbird.

"You're finally up."

Jaypaw nearly jumps; he hadn't noticed that Tawnypelt was there. He passes his startling off as a stretch, arching his back. "Did I sleep late?"

"Only a little." Tawnypelt purrs. "You're adjusting well, though. I'm sure you'll be up at sunset in no time."

"Thanks." Jaypaw twitches his whiskers as a patrol passes by on their way out of camp. He's kind of hungry, but he knows elders and queens have to be fed before apprentices. "Have you eaten anything yet today?"

"Rowanclaw's getting something for me now. Snowbird and the elders have eaten, so if you'd like, we can share."

He hesitates, but before he can answer, a deep voice grumbles something within his earshot. "Is he bothering you?" It's Rowanclaw, voice muffled by the fresh-kill in his jaws.

"No, we're just chatting." When Rowanclaw snorts, Tawnypelt whisks her tail over the ground. "Really, love. Thank you. We were going to share, actually."

"I can get my own," Jaypaw offers, forcing his fur to lay flat. He may not be able to see Rowanclaw, but he's quite intimidating.

"There's plenty for both of us. Rowan's just being a pain in the tail."

The tom growls under his breath. He crouches by his mate's side as she takes a bite of the thrush he's brought, resting his head on her shoulder. He seems comfortable enough, but Jaypaw can practically feel his eyes on him, as if he's going to suddenly grow ten times his size and attack the camp.

He trusts Tawnypelt, though; or at least he wants to, so he crouches down as well, taking a bite of the thrush at Tawnypelt's encouragement. He's gotten used to the scent of lizards and frogs that clings to everything in the fresh-kill pile, but he hasn't worked up to eating one just yet. 

After the thrush is gone, Jaypaw sits up and begins to groom himself in preparation for his ceremony. He may not be able to see his own reflection, but he doesn't want his pelt to be ruffled or dirty when Blackstar calls him up from the crowd.

Though he's somewhat distracted by a piece of grit that's gotten stuck in one of his front paws, he still notices a warm breath on his pelt, sniffing. It's Tawnypelt. "Here," she says, and she licks at a patch of fur behind his ear that he can't reach on his own.

It's a familial act, one that Squirrelflight might have taken before his apprentice ceremony in ThunderClan, but this isn't ThunderClan, and Tawnypelt is not his mother. Jaypaw's body stiffens, but he doesn't protest, and after a heartbeat he even relaxes as she grooms him. If he ignores the fact that he's in ShadowClan camp, and that this is his aunt rather than his mother, it's almost like nothing's changed at all.

Almost.

Moon-high takes forever to arrive. He's expecting it, waiting impatiently, but Blackstar's voice still startles him as it rings through camp.

"Let all cats brave enough to stalk the shadows gather beneath the low-branch for a clan meeting!"

This is it. This is the moment Jaypaw has waited for since he came here, since he was given a chance to become an apprentice of ShadowClan. He can hear cats approach from all corners of the camp, assembling in a circle beneath the low-branch where Blackstar perches. Heart pounding, Jaypaw gets to his feet.

"Come on, then," comes Rowanclaw's voice, and he nudges Jaypaw towards the clearing. In ThunderClan, it's usually the parents of kits who present them to the leader to be apprenticed, but Jaypaw's parents aren't here. He's a little surprised that Rowanclaw is the one doing it, but it's a safe bet that Tawnypelt encouraged him to. She has to stay near her kits, and Rowanclaw is his uncle, so he's close enough to a father for the ceremony, at least.

Following close behind, Jaypaw just manages to keep his fur flat, despite the looks he knows are being tossed his way from the cats around him. He can smell Cedarheart and Tallpoppy sitting outside the elder's den, watching him, while Tawnypelt crouches just outside the nursery. Shrewpaw, Scorchpaw, Owlpaw, Olivepaw, and Redpaw are nearby; Jaypaw can sense the curiosity and excitement seeping off of them.

"Clanmates," calls Blackstar's voice. "Tonight, ThunderClan's loss is ShadowClan's gain. This young cat has cared for our queens and elders, heard their tales, and proven his desire to join our ranks."

"Blackstar." At Jaypaw's side, Rowanclaw dips his head. "I present to you Jaypaw, son of Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. He is not of ShadowClan descent, but he has kin here, and he has requested an apprenticeship."

"Do you find him ready to begin his training?"

"I do."

"Very well." As Rowanclaw steps away, Blackstar moves, leaping down from the low-branch to face Jaypaw. Unlike their first encounter, Jaypaw doesn't feel quite so intimidated. Indeed, he's excited to be named an apprentice, and he's in awe of the presence of the famed ShadowClan leader. He can't sense Yellowfang, but he hopes she's watching. "Jaypaw, you have expressed your wish to join us. I ask you now to pledge your loyalty to ShadowClan, to the well-being of our clanmates, and to the good and glory of the stars. Do you make that promise?"

Whiskers trembling, Jaypaw says, "I do."

"The cats of ShadowClan, living and dead, have heard you." Blackstar lifts his head, as though calling to the warrior ancestors dotting the sky above them. "You are welcomed as a warrior apprentice. You will obey your mentor's word as if it were the warrior code, and if you prove yourself worthy and willing, you will be made a warrior in your turn."

It seems that the whole camp is holding its breath, each cat waiting to hear the leader's next words. Blackstar scarcely pauses before turning his head, beckoning forth a warrior from the crowd. "Russetfur. You have been a loyal deputy for many seasons, and I trust that you will instill that same loyalty into your new apprentice."

Jaypaw's heart races as the large molly approaches him, and they touch noses briefly. None of the apprentices had even mentioned Russetfur when they were guessing about his mentor, so he hadn't put much thought into it. He knows very little about her, only that she's a fierce warrior, having survived through Brokenstar's and Tigerstar's leaderships in the old forest.

In ThunderClan, becoming the deputy's apprentice is considered a great honor. He isn't sure if the same goes for ShadowClan, but all he can think about is how eager he is to start his training, and how proud his parents might be when they hear the news.

His name does not ring true among the stars, howled to the sky like wolves. Instead, the cats of ShadowClan murmur his name, whispering like a cool breeze drifting across the lake, passing between the pines and drifting up to the moon. Jaypaw, Jaypaw, Jaypaw.

Chapter Text

Not everyone in the clan can or will commend him personally. Tawnypelt does, though, with Rowanclaw by her side, and Cedarheart and Tallpoppy join soon after. The apprentices congratulate him, too, welcoming him with friendly tails on his shoulders, noses touched to his ear. Even Redpaw mutters a greeting; Jaypaw's not sure, but he thinks she's relieved that Blackstar won't be reassigning her mentor to him.

He's hardly finished accepting the congratulations from his denmates when a gruff voice calls to him from the camp entrance. "Jaypaw!" It's his mentor. His mentor! He hurries over as Russetfur continues. "We'll be scouting the territory for now. There's a lot of ground to cover, and we don't have all night."

She's not wrong. ShadowClan territory feels vast, an endless swath of pine and cool shadows. It feels strange to be out in the forest at night, but he's not scared. Okay, maybe a little skittish, but not scared. ShadowClan warriors aren't afraid of the dark, so he won't be, either.

Russetfur takes him to some major landmarks first, so if he gets lost, he'll be able to figure out where he is. There's the Broken Pine, which he remembers Shrewpaw telling him about. Apparently it's the oldest tree in ShadowClan territory, and it gave out after a heavy rainstorm. The roots are still firmly stuck in the ground, but the trunk is snapped partway up, causing the ancient pine to lean heavily on its nearest neighbor. Russetfur warns him not to climb it, as it's possible that it could collapse under enough weight.

She warns him about the twoleg nests, too, as they give them a wide berth. A pair of viscious kittypets live there, and while they don't cause much trouble these days, they've severely wounded and even killed cats his size for no reason at all. Talonpaw, Rowanclaw's former apprentice, was apparently slain in this way. Unnerved, Jaypaw is glad when they leave the area.

There's a mushroom circle deep in the heart of ShadowClan territory where the spirits of long-dead warriors are said to appear on moonless nights. There's a decaying tree swathed in lichen and cobwebs and yes, moss, which the apprentices use to carry water for the elders, queens, and sick cats. There's Littlecloud's herb patch, safely hidden from rabbits by a circle of tightly-woven brambles. There's a marsh where the mud can pull a cat under, and a tree where new warriors sharpen their claws, and a grassy hollow where apprentices learn to fight. It's a lot to take in.

At some point, they take a break near the lakeshore. Jaypaw can feel the breeze coming off the water, carrying the distant scent of gorse from the other side. He's grateful for the rest; ShadowClan territory is unfamiliar to him, and he's trying to memorize every scrap of it. He's also not quite adjusted to the night lifestyle yet, though he's more tired physically than anything else.

"Jaypaw."

He flicks his ears in Russetfur's direction. She's standing a few pawsteps away, waiting for him. He finishes his drink by the lake and turns to meet her, but she's already stepping carefully down the bank. ShadowClan's shore is rockier than ThunderClan's, making it more difficult to get down to the water. Some of the stones look comfortable enough to lay on, though, and Jaypaw wonders if the elders ever come here to relax.

"I'm going to be honest with you, because I'm not the type to tiptoe around things," Russetfur says. Her voice is as steady as the trees behind them. It feels like the first time she's actually spoken to him, even though it isn't.

He can't see, but he can feel her stare boring right into him. It's not harsh so much as serious, and he lifts his chin despite the prickling of his pelt. 

"You will have to train harder than the other apprentices," she says. "And likely for longer, though I don't know how much. There may be some things you won't be able to do in the way your clanmates do them."

Her tone is blunt and honest, and Jaypaw knows she's right. He bristles anyway. "I can still be a warrior."

"No," Russetfur says. "You will be. I've trained other apprentices in my lifetime, and they all became warriors. I'm growing older, and I don't plan to retire anytime soon, but you may be my last pupil. I have no intention to allow you to fail."

Jaypaw's fur flattens again, but he faces her full-on, determined to show he's taking this seriously. "I'm not quitting. Not now, not ever."

"Good." Russetfur flicks one ear, satisfied, and bends to drink from the lake. Jaypaw waits as she does, keeping his ears and whiskers alert for predators. When Russetfur stands again, she turns, leading the way back up the slope, and, though the rocks are unfamiliar beneath his paws, he keeps pace with her.

"I've never trained a blind apprentice before," she admits suddenly, "nor a ThunderClan one. And you've never been taught by a ShadowClan cat, nor a cat with fair vision. Am I correct?"

He nods his head. There's a certain openness between them again, like she's confiding in him. He's hardly interacted with her before this night, only having heard tales of her ferocity and strength, but maybe there's another side to her that he doesn't quite know yet. A less intimidating one.

"Well." Russetfur shakes out her coat and takes the last step into the trees, beckoning Jaypaw to follow. "This should be interesting, then."

Chapter Text

They don't return to camp until Russetfur announces that sky has begun to lighten, and that she needs to choose cats for tomorrow evening's dusk patrol. Jaypaw waits for her to lead the way, but... she doesn't. He twitches his whiskers, eager to get back and maybe have something to eat before he goes to sleep. It's been a long day; or, well, night.

"Your first test," Russetfur says, and Jaypaw can feel the air brush his fur as she whisks her tail; it must be quite fluffy. "We're on the farthest edge ShadowClan territory now. Let's find out if you can locate camp from here."

Jaypaw straightens, lifting his head to scent the air, but all he can smell is the border, beyond which lays land belonging to no cat. At least Russetfur has given him a hint: camp won't be anywhere close by. He'll need to head further in.

Whiskers flared out, Jaypaw cautiously takes a few steps, somewhat relieved when he hears Russetfur following. He was starting to worry that she planned to leave him by himself, and while he knows he can handle himself, he doesn't much like the idea of being alone in unfamiliar territory.

He keeps his senses alert as he leads the way, seeking out a landmark or trail that will take him to camp. It's tougher than he anticipated; everything just smells like ShadowClan, like pine needles and damp earth and the dew gathering on the grass. Jaypaw knows he'll wander into the lake if he keeps walking in the same direction, so he turns slightly, veering what he hopes is deeper into the forest.

"Do you do this with all your apprentices?" he says, partially to make sure Russetfur is still there.

"Have since ShadowClan's infancy." His mentor's tone is neutral, to Jaypaw's left. He keeps going as she talks. "Most of us have decent night vision, but we all learn to navigate our territory with our eyes shut. It enhances the other senses, reinforces the bond between cat and forest, and teaches patience to unruly apprentices."

He's well aware that he might fit into that last category, but anyway, he says, "I've been here for three days. I haven't even had time to be unruly yet."

"Oh, I know." Russetfur lets out a rattling sound that might be a purr, might be a growl. Jaypaw isn't sure which. "Consider it a preventative measure."

He lashes his tail once and says nothing more, instead concentrating on the task ahead. He's relieved that he's managed not to walk into a bramble thicket or trip over a pinecone, but he knows he'll need to find camp soon. No matter how hard he strains his ears, though, all he can hear is the crickets singing to one another in the undergrowth. All he can taste is the damp air, and all he can smell is the decaying scent of mushrooms.

Mushrooms! Jaypaw's fur prickles, and he follows the scent until it reaches its peak, and the soft edge of the fungus brushes his nose. Faintly, he can scent the stale smell of himself and Russetfur; they were here before. This must be the mushroom circle. That means they're closer to the center of ShadowClan territory.

The land is always changing. Bits of grass rustle in the breeze, dew gathers on their blades, pine needles fall and decompose. Still, Jaypaw recognizes the ground beneath his paws. "This way," he decides, turning away from the mushrooms and nearly bumping into Russetfur as he passes. The molly grunts, but doesn't argue, keeping pace with him.

Jaypaw knows he's succeeded when he picks up strong cat scent, stronger than before: it's the path that leads into camp. His paws slip into the almost imperceptible rut, walking more confidently as he hears the indistinct chattering of his clanmates ahead. Home, if he can call it that yet, is here.

He lifts his tail once he's passed through the tunnel, pleased as he waits for Russetfur's instruction. His mentor grunts again. "Not bad. We'll be exploring ShadowClan territory for the next few nights, so keep what you've learned tonight in mind."

That's about what he expected. Jaypaw nods, ears pricking.

"I expect you'll be groomed and awake at dusk tomorrow. You're dismissed for the evening," Russetfur tells him. "See that the elders and queens have been fed, and then you may eat."

He can practically hear Squirrelflight telling him to mind his manners, much as he'd like to tell Russetfur he well knows to make sure the more vulnerable members of the clan have eaten. The thought of his mother sends a pang through him, but he speaks the way she taught him. "Yes, Russetfur."

The deputy leaves without another word, and Jaypaw is left to his own devices for perhaps the first time since his arrival.

It doesn't last long. "Jaypaw!" Someone barrels into him, and Jaypaw has to sink his claws into the loamy soil to avoid being knocked over.

"Watch where you're going, Olivepaw," he growls.

"Oh, that was far from accidental." That's Owlpaw, who approaches far more politely. "She well knows what she's doing."

"I thought he might like a friendly greeting," Olivepaw protests, but she gives Jaypaw his space, turning to bat at her brother. He shakes out his fur as she continues. "I can't imagine training with Russetfur has him feeling all warm and fuzzy inside."

"Training isn't supposed to be warm and fuzzy," Jaypaw says dryly.

"You know what I mean." Olivepaw doesn't seem at all fazed. "You wanna eat with me and Owlpaw? We just got back from hunting. I caught the biggest vole on the fresh-kill pile!"

Jaypaw hesitates. Privately, he finds Olivepaw to be too silly and carefree, while Owlpaw is too shy and reserved. They're his denmates, though, aren't they? He'd eat with Poppypaw and Cinderpaw back home, and even shared a mouse with Berrypaw once. Besides, he can imagine Yellowfang urging him on. He'll need allies in ShadowClan, at the very least. Friends would be better, but allies is a start.

"The queens and elders have eaten," Owlpaw says, barely audible. "If you were worried about that."

Giving his chest fur a few self-conscious licks, Jaypaw shrugs. "I guess we can share. But I'm not eating any frogs."

Chapter Text

Jaypaw wakes to the sound of someone leaving the apprentices' den. If he were still in ThunderClan, perhaps, he'd be annoyed at having been disturbed. Now, though, he's too excited about his training to go back to sleep. Instead, he sits up and gives himself a quick wash.

Based on their scents, everyone's still in their nests except for Shrewpaw, whom Jaypaw assumes was the cat who left earlier. Since the others are still asleep, it's a safe bet that it's not dusk yet, but Jaypaw doesn't know exactly how far off it may be.

ShadowClan camp feels different as he exits the apprentices' den--softer, lighter--and he knows the sun must not have set yet. A faint breeze stirs his fur, and the air doesn't feel quite so chilly as it does at night. He's starting to get used to the lower temperature, as well as falling asleep as the sun rises, but Jaypaw's subconscious is still a little off when it comes to waking up at the right time.

Most everyone else is still curled up in their nests. The camp is largely still and quiet, though Jaypaw knows Shrewpaw must be around somewhere. Only a heartbeat later, he picks up the sound of voices coming from across the camp, where the entrance to Littlecloud's den resides.

Jaypaw never liked being near Leafpool's den in ThunderClan. She was nice to him, but overbearing, and overprotective. She tried too much too hard to interest him in her herb stores, which never drew him in the way she seemed to hope they would. He wanted to be a warrior, and Jaypaw knew his aunt loved him, but she didn't understand that.

Littlecloud's den is different from Leafpool's, though. The entrance is a  dark, narrow tunnel in the brambles, leading down a slight slope. Jaypaw stands just outside, ears pricking to try and pick up the voices he's hearing. Is someone hurt or sick?

He can't tell, but he still wants to affirm his place in the clan, so he steps into the tunnel and down the slope. It's what any responsible apprentice would do, right? He still has no interest in becoming a medic, but if Littlecloud needs someone to fetch water or some cobwebs for a patient, Jaypaw knows he can do that. Besides, there's no harm in getting on the good side of a prominent member of the clan.

At the bottom of the slope is a small clearing, surrounded by several nests that Jaypaw assumes is for Littlecloud's patients. Towards the back of the den, he can hear Littlecloud talking, and Shrewpaw's scent is there, too.

"-And you've had no issues?" Littlecloud is saying. Jaypaw can hear the quiet rustle of leaves, perhaps herbs, being pushed to one side.

"Nope," answers Shrewpaw.

"Good, just making sure. Come right to me if anything feels off." More leaves rustling. "I'll have to fetch more later. My stores will be running low soon."

"Thanks, Littlecloud." Jaypaw hears Shrewpaw get to their paws, shake out their fur, and turn to face him. "Oh, hey Jaypaw."

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop," he mutters, which is mostly true.

"It's fine. I didn't wake you up earlier, did I?"

"Kind of. But it's almost dusk anyway, right?"

"It is indeed." That's Littlecloud. He has a strangely high voice, light and friendly. "Good evening, Jaypaw. What can I do for you?"

Jaypaw scuffs his paws in the dirt. "I heard voices and I thought someone might be hurt."

"He was just giving me some garlic." Shrewpaw yawns. "Not a big fan of the taste, honestly."

"At least you don't have to take it every day," Littlecloud hums. "Though if you ever change your mind, we can discuss that."

Jaypaw twitched his whiskers, mildly curious. He knew garlic was an herb, but he wasn't quite sure what it was used for. It seemed impolite to ask about whatever Shrewpaw's ailment was, but he couldn't help it. "What's it for?"

"I was born a molly," Shrewpaw tells him. "The garlic helps. Littlecloud understands it better than I do, though."

The medic was still humming under his breath; Jaypaw could hear him sorting some herbs towards the back of the den. "If you're born a molly, your body makes you look, smell, and sound like one on its own; the same goes for toms. If you're not a molly on the inside, though, there are herbs that can alter your scent and appearance to fit better."

"Oh." Jaypaw blinked. He remembered, distantly, a memory of Leafpool giving Spiderleg herbs for an ailment Jaypaw didn't ask about. She'd probably tried to explain it to him, but he hadn't been listening, and had run off to play with his brother and sister instead. After he'd told his clanmates he was a tomcat, Hollykit had had asked him if he was going to start treatment someday. He hadn't known the specifics of said treatment yet, but, not wanting to sound ignorant, had said he would think about it once he became an apprentice.

Now that he thought about it, there were multiple cats in ThunderClan that seemed to visit Leafpool daily, not just Spiderleg. Cloudtail, Brackenfur, Hazelpaw, and Mousefur all came to mind. All of them were different than what they had been born as; frankly, Jaypaw felt a little stupid for not having figured it out earlier.

"What herbs do you give for toms who were born mollies?" Jaypaw asks, flicking one ear.

"It depends on if the cat in question wants to present tom-like traits or not." Littlecloud finally finishes sorting his herbs and directs his attention towards Jaypaw. "Why do you ask?"

Something prickles beneath his pelt. He knows he has some molly-like traits, and while they don't make his life unbearable... he would like to appear more like a tom, to better match how he feels. Still, undergoing treatment seems like something he should think about before he makes any decisions.

So all he says is, "Just wondering."