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For several weeks now, Qui-Gon had been temple-bound with his newest padawan. Obi-Wan was serving his probation under the Council’s instruction, and Qui-Gon was here to guide him throughout it. Melida/Daan had divided them, and yet it seemed to Qui-Gon that both he and his padawan had grown stronger from it. Xanatos’ death had helped with this too; Qui-Gon mourned him, but he was finally able to let go of Xanatos’ hold on him, and be a better master to Obi-Wan as a result.
As time went on, Qui-Gon soon discovered how much he enjoyed the routine they had slowly begun to establish while at the temple. Being without a padawan and withdrawn from friends for so long had led to quite a lonely life before. That was changing now, as he once again found himself falling into the role of a master. Obi-Wan had always seemed to look up to him with a clear sense of earnest devotion, but this had only amplified since his return from Melida/Daan.
There were smaller, subtle signs and behaviors that stemmed from Obi-Wan’s time on Melida/Daan: A face that was too gaunt for a thirteen year old, from the stress of warfare and the many days with so little food. The way that his eyes flickered about the crowded dining hall every time that he entered, as though unconsciously expecting an ambush. The way that his fingers twitched as he trailed behind Qui-Gon in the temple halls, as though he ached to grab hold of Qui-Gon, in fear of being left alone. There was also, of course, the occasional cruel nightmare that disrupted both their sleep cycles.
Although it was difficult not to notice these newly developed behaviors, Qui-Gon thought it best to leave Melida/Daan behind them and focus on the here and now: Obi-Wan was back at the temple. He was eating regular meals again, safe from any sort of warfare, and had the opportunity and ability to be a Jedi once again. Together, Master and Padawan were slowly rebuilding their bond, making it stronger and more permanent now that Qui-Gon had put Xanatos behind him. That was why Qui-Gon was determined not to bring up Melida/Daan if he could help it, in fear of making it worse.
There was also some inner guilt, he eventually realized to himself, the more that he came to truly know his padawan. Qui-Gon’s own attachment to Tahl had resulted in Obi-Wan’s temporary abandonment. After much meditation and guidance from Yoda, Tahl, and several others, he understood how rash his choice had been.
His decision in leaving Melida/Daan behind them seemed to be working, however; Obi-Wan was flourishing in his newfound dedication to being a Jedi. He was excelling in his training, both in the classroom and with a lightsaber. He threw himself into the Jedi path with a strong sense of purpose. It made Qui-Gon quite proud to be his master, even if the guilt of leaving Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan still lay distantly in the back of his mind.
All of this led to the present moment, as Qui-Gon finished setting out a modest spread of various fruits, bread, and nuts. Obi-Wan would be back any minute now, and they would share the light noon fare in their quarters. It was a rather easy day for him; the padawan only had two classes. Afterwards, their afternoon was left open. Qui-Gon hadn’t made any immediate plans for additional lessons, nor had he reserved a space in the training rooms. This all stemmed toward the conversation that Qui-Gon expected to have with his padawan today.
Late last night he had received a message from Master Fawli, who taught the Health and Serenity course to all junior padawans. Today, the class would be learning about the reproductive system, and masters were encouraged to follow up with their learners to ensure that there was no confusion regarding the rather serious topic.
Qui-Gon had already been through this ordeal with his two previous padawans. Feemor had taken the conversation in a bit of an awkward stride, while Xanatos had laughed all the way through it, making rather crude jokes that probably would have gotten him reprimanded, had Qui-Gon not been so soft and doting at the time.
Obi-Wan, however, was quite a different character compared to both Feemon and Xanatos.
The more Qui-Gon was beginning to know him, the younger he seemed, even by the standards of most thirteen year olds. Despite having more field experience than most other padawans his age, Obi-Wan often came across as endearingly innocent, and perhaps even a bit naive when it came to reproduction and sexual behavior. While Feemor and Xanatos had both already known a decent amount about the subject before even learning about it in class, Qui-Gon doubted his newest padawan knew very much. He expected lots of confusion, questions, and perhaps embarrassment.
Having such a conversation was critical though. Young as Obi-Wan was now, in a few years’ time he would grow quickly, in both body and spirit. He would have to overcome the mental and physical changes that all young human males went through, with the additional struggles of following the code.
Padawans were forbidden to engage in sexual activity with another person. Knights and Masters were technically allowed, as the code did not forbid it, but most Jedi practiced abstinence willingly. Intimate physical relations always had the risk of developing into attachment. This was something that masters were expected to lecture their padawans on as well.
Having such a conversation with Obi-Wan was very important. As his master, Qui-Gon would be Obi-Wan’s most prominent support system throughout his training to become a Jedi. That meant Obi-Wan needed to trust him, and feel comfortable asking any sort of question, even ones regarding sex.
There was little time to reflect more upon this, however, as the door chimed. Obi-Wan entered their little kitchen a few moments later.
“Padawan,” Qui-Gon greeted his young learner, feeling his mood lift at the mere sight of him. Having a padawan again truly was a blessing, now that he had willingly embraced it as the Force had desired.
“Master,” Obi-Wan offered a half-hearted smile in return. Qui-Gon immediately knew that something was wrong; it was rare that one of Obi-Wan’s smiles offered not even a trace of his prominent dimples.
This only solidified Qui-Gon’s prediction regarding Obi-Wan’s Health and Serenity class. It was rather endearing in all honesty, though Qui-Gon did his best to hide this opinion; he didn’t want to embarrass Obi-Wan. Force, he had forgotten how sensitive young ones were about these sorts of topics.
“Come,” he said, gesturing to the table laden with food. “Let’s take the mid-day meal together, and you can tell me about your morning. Would you like some tea?”
“Yes, please. Thank you Master.”
Obi-Wan took his seat at the table, though he didn’t touch any of the food yet. This wasn’t unusual behavior; Obi-Wan always waited until Qui-Gon was seated until he began eating, out of respect. Still, he usually made conversation rather than sit in such a subdued manner and let Qui-Gon do all of the talking.
“You are quiet today,” Qui-Gon pointed out. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m alright, Master. But we began the reproductive unit of my Health and Serenity course today,” Obi-Wan said, now looking anywhere except for into his master’s eyes.
“Ah,” Qui-Gon fought back a smile; it was just as he had expected. “That’s right. All padawans learn the science behind reproductivity around the age or equivalency of thirteen. I assume you have further questions for me?”
“Yes, Master, I do.”
Obi-Wan didn’t elaborate further, so Qui-Gon took his time in preparing one of his favorite brews. His padawan still looked troubled as he munched on one of the fruit slices.
“Alright,” said Qui-Gon once the tea had been prepared and served, folding his hands together and shielding his mirth. “Let’s discuss your class. Tell me what you learned today.”
“We learned the process of procreation among humans and several other species,” Obi-Wan answered, fidgeting with a loose string on his sleeve. “And it left me feeling...very disturbed.”
“It is understandably a sensitive subject,” Qui-Gon said, smiling. “Especially at your age.”
Obi-Wan didn’t return the smile, but he didn’t seem embarrassed either. There was a small crease between his eyebrows, and he looked more anxious than anything else.
“Master, I don’t think the class is being taught about the subject correctly.”
Qui-Gon leaned back in his seat. “What do you mean, Padawan?”
“I mean about the physical aspects,” said Obi-Wan. “About two or more beings having intercourse in order to conceive. It’s- people don’t use it for just procreation, Master!”
“That’s right,” Qui-Gon agreed, rather startled at Obi-Wan’s increasingly distressed behavior. “Two individuals might imitate procreation for the sole purpose of pleasure.”
“Yes, Master Fawli mentioned that,” Obi-Wan said. “But he made it sound like- like it didn’t cause suffering. He said that partners often couple for a mutual feeling of pleasure, but that’s- well, he’s wrong. Very wrong.”
“Wrong?” Qui-Gon was caught off guard. He set his teacup down and looked intently at his young learner. “Why might you think so, Obi-Wan? And what do you mean by suffering?”
“Well, from my understanding, one being seeks out pleasure at another’s expense. One receives pleasure, and the other receives pain and humiliation, which then leads to suffering-”
“What?” Qui-Gon cut him off abruptly, baffled. “Obi-Wan, where did you hear that?”
Obi-Wan looked down, swallowing. “I’ve seen it before, Master. More than once. And I know that it causes suffering. The act of procreation does not feel pleasurable to both participants! And most people don’t call it procreation; they call it kriffing .”
It was not often that Qui-Gon was driven speechless, but that was exactly where he found himself: completely frozen as his previous feeling of amusement immediately faded. Instead, the master felt a growing sense of horror as he comprehended exactly what Obi-Wan was saying. It sounded like his padawan was talking about a very devastating, serious crime; One that padawans often did not learn about until they were several years older than thirteen.
“Seen it,” he repeated quietly. “Seen it where , Obi-Wan?”
Qui-Gon could only think of one place where Obi-Wan might have witnessed such an act without his knowing, but he still hoped to stars’ that he was wrong.
“On Melida/Daan,” Obi-Wan confessed, his voice trembling. “Some of the soldiers- the Elders, not the children- well, they liked to hurt people. A-And often they sought out their so-called ‘pleasure’ in the very way that we learned about in class today. But it caused suffering, it- they hurt them! I’m sorry, Master, I’m just very confused, and I feel a little frightened, after learning in class that it’s so common for people to-”
“Obi-Wan...” Qui-Gon felt very sick. For all that he was a Jedi Master, he was still finding it very difficult to control his emotions at the present moment.
Ever since Obi-Wan had returned, Qui-Gon had tried very hard to avoid thinking about what Obi-Wan had endured on Melida/Daan. But now, the more he thought about it, Qui-Gon realized that he hardly knew anything about Obi-Wan’s time on the war-torn planet, aside from the beginning and the end. War brought out the very worst in people; This Qui-Gon knew from experience, and yet still he had chosen to leave Obi-Wan there so abruptly. Now he felt very close to sickly, imagining his young apprentice all alone, surrounded only by children, and witnessing the many horrors of war, both up front and behind the scenes.
Most padawans did engage in field missions regularly until they were around fifteen standard. That was often the time when masters would have a talk with them, about the darker aspects of being a Jedi. Leaving the temple and taking on the role of a Jedi had its wondrous moments, but also its grievous ones. Sexual assault was among the hardest ones to learn, but it was often unavoidable.
Qui-Gon was arguably one of the most field-active Jedi that there was, even while having such a new, young student. They had been thrown together so quickly, going from Bandomeer, to Phindar, Gala, and then Melida/Daan in a very short course of time. Qui-Gon hadn’t had time to get to know his padawan, or prepare him for what he might encounter outside of the temple.
He should have made the time, regardless.
Qui-Gon’s stomach continued to churn. But this was not the time to grieve for his past mistakes. Instead, he needed to be a proper master. Perhaps the most positive factor of this probation period was that Qui-Gon was learning to no longer be the half-hearted, reluctant master that he had been initially to Obi-Wan.
This was a moment for soothing. For teaching.
“Padawan, come here.”
As soon as Obi-Wan reached him, Qui-Gon pulled the distraught child into his arms. It was instinctual, even though the move caught them both off-guard. He was quiet for a moment as he tried to calm both of them down. This was a very difficult task, though. What Obi-Wan had witnessed...he was only thirteen. Seeing such an act was beyond horrific even to those well into adulthood.
“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered against his student’s temple. “Obi-Wan, that’s- what you saw on Melida/Daan is something entirely different from what you were taught in class today. That was a crime, Padawan. A most severe one. And you should never have had to witness it, especially by yourself, without someone to- to explain. What you saw on Melida/Daan was completely immoral. It is a serious crime on all Republic planets, and even most independent sectors.”
“Oh,” Obi-Wan whispered, wiping at his teary eyes. Although he still seemed quite distressed, it appeared that the physical comfort was helping, as well as his master’s frantic explanation.
Qui-Gon hesitated, tracing a thumb over his padawan’s tear-stained cheek. “Unfortunately, it is something you might witness again. The galaxy is a beautiful, wondrous place, but it also has its dangers. As Jedi, we come to know many different people and places. Some are pleasant, but others not so much.”
“Yes, Master. I have only been to a handful of planets, and already I have met some very unpleasant people. But,” Obi-Wan decided, “I’ve encountered far more good people than bad. Si Treemba, Guerra, Nield, C-Cerasi...”
And there it was again. That optimistic, bright bit of light that Obi-Wan seemed to always carry with him, even when plagued by darkness.
“We help when and where we can,” Qui-Gon said, and was quiet for a moment. “I am truly sorry, Padawan. When I left Melida/Daan, the consequences did not fully occur to me. I am beginning to fully understand them now.”
They were both quiet for a while.
“The first time I saw it, Neild and I were scouting from a rooftop,” Obi-Wan then said, his voice low. “Nield shot at the Elder to make him stop. He didn’t manage to kill him, but- Master, at the time, I wished that the Elder had died for what he did.”
They were on the floor now, all thoughts of food and tea completely gone. Qui-Gon had maneuvered the padawan so that he was sitting mostly in his lap. It might have been a rather undignified position for a teenager to be caught in, but Obi-Wan hardly seemed to mind. On the contrary, he seemed to physically ache for any sort of comfort that he could get, and Qui-Gon was more than happy to provide some. What else could he do, after all? Therefore, he took the time in holding Obi-Wan close and running a hand through his tufts of ginger hair while the padawan described to him what he had seen.
Throughout it all, Qui-Gon was remarkably calm on the outside, despite feeling very cold and mournful in reality. It wasn’t often that he was plagued by a true feeling of regret, but the more that he learned about what Obi-Wan had gone through on Melida/Daan, the more he ached to change the past.
And then, an awful thought suddenly plagued Qui-Gon’s mind, and he barely resisted a shudder.
“Obi-Wan?” He murmured gently; cautiously. “I need to ask you something very important. You must be completely honest with me.”
He waited until the soft, gray-blue eyes met his own before continuing.
“On Melida/Daan, you didn’t...nobody tried to hurt you, to bring you that same type of pain-?”
“No,” Obi-Wan said quickly, wiping his eyes. “No, Master. The Elders didn’t usually go after children, but I protected the Young as best as I could, just in case. The tunnels kept us safe, too. Nield said- he said there was a chance it could happen if we slept on ground level.”
“Good. I hope you know that your body belongs to you alone,” Qui-Gon said, forcing himself to sound firm in order to get the message though. “Don’t ever allow someone to touch you if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if it is a friend, or an ally.”
This, too, was something masters must teach their padawans. Young Jedi were vulnerable when it came to sex. There might be people out there who would attempt to take advantage of this. The thought of Obi-Wan being coerced and forced against his will was too unbearable to imagine.
Obi-Wan merely curled up closer to him. “Yes, Master.”
Qui-Gon felt himself grieve for the loss of Obi-Wan’s innocence. It was something that happened to every individual eventually, but usually not so early, or without the guidance of a master.
Still, he retained his strength and focused on the teaching aspect.
“Most people outside of the temple don’t use the word ‘procreation.’ They call it ‘having sex’ or ‘making love.’ Or, as you stated, ‘kriffing .’ It normally happens between two people who are very close to one another; People who are married, or in a romantic relationship. This is what Master Fawli was teaching you in class today. The subject of sexual assault is usually not discussed until later, when a padawan is around fifteen or sixteen. It is understandably a very sensitive topic, but one that all Jedi must eventually become aware of. I only wish that you had not become aware of it so early in your life.”
“I wish that too, Master.”
Qui-Gon held him tighter before drawing back so that he could look Obi-Wan in the eyes once again.
“I am going to withdraw you from Master Fawli’s course,” he decided rather abruptly. “You will take the rest of your Health and Serenity class in private. I also think it’s best that you speak to a mind healer about this. I would like to go with you, if you permit it.”
This seemed to be the best path. Obi-Wan needed strong, yet gentle one-on-one guidance as he learned more about growth and development. Additionally, Qui-Gon needed to address the other new behaviors Obi-Wan had developed. Seeking professional help should have occurred straight after Melida/Daan and Telos regardless, yet it was once again something that Qui-Gon had neglected.
Qui-Gon had failed his student tremendously; not just for abandoning Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan, but also for underestimating the amount of trauma Obi-Wan had endured throughout his experience. He needed to reverse this damage as best as he could, for Obi-Wan’s sake as well as his own.
“If that is what you would like, Master, then I will.”
“It is,” Qui-Gon said, reaching out to twirl Obi-Wan’s small learner’s braid around his finger. He tried to picture what it would look like in five or so years, longer and beaded with a plethora of colors.
“Master?”
He looked down silently at his padawan.
“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said to him. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
“No, Padawan.” Qui-Gon said firmly. “You did not upset me at all. I am merely upset with myself. I grieve for what you endured. I- I should not have dismissed your experiences on Melida/Daan so abruptly. It was my mistake, and I wish to rectify it.”
Obi-Wan swallowed. “Could we be finished talking about this? Just for now?”
Qui-Gon took a deep breath, centering himself. “Of course. You need to eat something. I’m afraid the tea has gone cold, too.”
“I can make more, Master.”
“You let me worry about that,” Qui-Gon said, resting a hand on Obi-Wan’s cheek before letting him up. As he stood, his back cracked, making him wince. Still, the chance to comfort his apprentice was worth any sort of strain.
They still had a long way to go. Still, this probation was probably the best thing that could have happened to them. It gave them time to simply stop. If they had immediately continued fieldwork, it was doubtful Qui-Gon would have had the chance to bond with Obi-Wan like this. Obi-Wan would have to deal with the trauma alone, as he already had been for so long.
That would change, though.
Qui-Gon would make sure of it, for both their sakes.