Chapter Text
[8:02 AM]
→ bellamy.blake has added octavia.blake, j.murphy, raven.reyes, clarke.griffin, lexa.woods, lincoln.forrest, monty.green, jasper.jordan, echo.frost, roan.winters, emori.sand, and luna.rivers to GROUP THERAPY.
→ bellamy.blake has changed their nickname to bell
bell: hello gang. i have made the executive decision in all of our lives that we need to discuss our ongoing problems
j.murphy: my ongoing problem is you
j.murphy: you literally will not leave me alone
j.murphy: you are a contineous issue
raven.reyes: *continuous you fucking dumbass
→ j.murphy has changed raven.reyes's nickname to shut the fuck up bitch
shut the fuck up bitch: .
→ shut the fuck up bitch has changed their nickname to designing a mechanism to kick murphy's scrawny fucking ass
→ designing a mechanism to kick murphy's scrawny fucking ass has changed j.murphy's nickname to DIE.
→ DIE has changed designing a mechanism to kick murphy's scrawny fucking ass's nickname to BITCH.
→ bell has changed BITCH.'s nickname to raven
→ bell has changed DIE.'s nickname to murphy
bell: PLEASE
clarke.griffin: did you rly think this one through
clarke.griffin: oh wait i don't even need you to respond to know that you didn't
clarke.griffin: stop typing bellamy
clarke.griffin: thank you
→ clarke.griffin has changed their nickname to clarke
clarke: i would like to be informed abt our Ongoing Issues
murphy: my ongoing issue is raven
raven: don't even fucking start with me murphy i'll come over there and kick your ass
murphy: ok
raven: omw.
→ lexa.woods has changed their nickname to lexa
lexa: i am also intrigued about our ongoing issues, excluding raven and murphy trying to kill each other
clarke: that's less of an issue and more of a habit
clarke: familiar
clarke: homely <3
lexa: maybe the issue is that you associate home with your friends dying
clarke: no i associate home with raven beating the shit out of murphy
clarke: there's a difference babe
lexa: yeah the difference is how angry raven is
clarke: exactly <3
→ emori.sands has changed their nickname to emori
emori: hi
emori: i'd like to add onto this riveting conversation by pointing out the fact that it is, in fact, eight in the morning
emori: as an add-on to my previous point - what the FUCK, bellamy
bell: i didn't expect any of you to be awake
bell: i thought this was the safest time to do it
clarke: i have All morning classes & you KNOW this
bell: yes but i thought you would be on my side :(
clarke: you might be my best friend but that does not mean i agree with anything that ever comes out of your mouth
lexa: i don't have morning classes, but clarke is evil and refuses to leave the apartment without waking me up
lexa: she doesn't even say goodbye half of the time. she just likes to wake me up
clarke: if i'm miserable than everyone else around me also has to be miserable
emori: before, it hadn't been very apparent to me that you and john were siblings
emori: it has suddenly become incredibly clear
clarke: it's fine he's adopted
→ octavia.blake has changed their nickname to o
o: hey bell what the fuck is wrong with you
bell: oh and so now my own sister is yelling at me okay i see how it is
bell: one of the ongoing issues is that you are all Very mean to me All The Time
clarke: it's deserved
murphy: so true
clarke: don't talk to me
murphy: fuck you
o: "and now my own sister is yelling at me" yeah because it's EIGHT IN THE FUCKING MORNING. YOU KNOW I KEEP MY NOTIFS ON AFTER ECHO GOT STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AND WAS TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM FIGHTING THE PEOPLE IN THE TOWN SHE BROKE DOWN IN
o: i am NOT dealing with bailing ANY of you out of prison
o: because ONE, i literally am in mass amounts of crippling student debt
o: and TWO, i hate you all
raven: wtf i thought we had something. ig not.
o: no not you baby i'd do anything for you ily
raven: omg......
o: *passionately makes out with you*
raven: *passionately makes out back*
emori: unsure how i feel about raven being so bold about cheating on me
raven: it's OCTAVIA, emori. what am i supposed to do? not make out with her? smfh
raven: it's okay, you're my #1 side hoe <3
emori: i am bursting with excitement
→ echo.frost has changed their nickname to echo
echo: i want out
bell: i also want out now that i realize the monster i've created
echo: lol L
clarke: i'm honestly surprised that jasper hasn't shown up yet. his sleep schedule is so fucked that it's kind of sad
lexa: true
clarke: maybe he's finally succumb to his exhaustion
raven: i'm betting five dollars rn that he passed out on the ground
murphy: also betting 5 that he didn't even make it home
murphy: bet he crawled down into a gutter pennywise style for warmth
emori: betting ten that he passed out in his last lecture of the day and no one had the heart to move him
clarke: i'll bet twenty that he's dead
bell: okay great optimism clarke
clarke: thanks it's my best trait
echo: @clarke - can you keep me updated on what happens in sociology
clarke: are you sick?
echo: no
echo: i just don't want to go
clarke: same me too
clarke: but yeah sure
clarke: not for free though i'm not monty
clarke: i want free coffee
echo: i suppose i can do that for you
→ monty.green has changed their nickname to monty
monty: jasper is not dead
clarke: damn
clarke: not damn that he's not dead
clarke: damn to the fact that i lost the bet
emori: i definitely can see the sibling resemblance showing through more and more
monty: it was worse when they were younger, unfortunately
monty: he's actually sleeping on the floor right now, @raven was right
monty: you were also very close to getting it right, emori. he was two seconds away from passing out in his last lecture, but he stopped texting me about how badly he wanted to kill his professor, so i periodically sent him "we need to talk." texts to keep him awake
emori: you are so unbelievably cruel wtf
monty: i do what i must
murphy: ok mr "make algae not war"
monty: that was in middle school before i met the majority of you
raven: i miss the days back when i didn't know murphy
murphy: i miss the days when you weren't born
bell: you were also not born
murphy: even better
clarke: so true
murphy: shut the fuck up
murphy: wish we could go one day before my birthday so you ALSO wouldn't have been born
clarke: so true
murphy: smfh
lexa: i can't believe i never made the connection that your birthdays are right after each other
lexa: i think i've always just been too focused on getting gifts to do any other sort of cognitive functioning
murphy: LMFAO to be fair you're very good at gift giving
murphy: i still have that bonaai plant
clarke: bonaai
raven: bonaai
bell: bonaai
o: bonaai
jasper.jordan: bonaai
monty: so you WERE pretending to be asleep when i went to wake you up. i cannot believe i left the apartment to buy you a donut when you could have been doing it instead
jasper.jordan: youre a beautiful soul monty
monty: no, i'm an angry soul with a ticking time bomb glued to my back
jasper.jordan: so beautiful
monty: smfh. what flavour do you want
jasper.jordan: you
monty: okay, now you aren't getting one
jasper.jordan: NO WAIT PLEASE I DIDN'T MEAN IT
jasper.jordan: i did but
jasper.jordan: you know the long ones with the white filling inside
murphy: cum
jasper.jordan: almost but not quite
jasper.jordan: i want like twenty of those
monty: you're only getting one
jasper.jordan: :(
monty: ineffective.
jasper.jordan: man.
→ jasper.jordan has changed their nickname to jasper
jasper: why are we using our real names thats so boring and unoriginal
jasper: can we spice it up a bit
murphy: i tried but bellamy didn't let me
raven: ^
bell: your nicknames were just "die" and "bitch"
murphy: they're still nicknames are they fucking not
raven: bellamy is illiterate
murphy: yeah idk how he thought it'd be a good idea to major in english when he can't spell
raven: illiterate does not mean being unable to spell. that's you. that's dyslexia
murphy: amounts to the same thing
raven: no it fucking doesn't
murphy: smfh whatever
jasper: ANYWAYS. spicing up the gc
→ jasper has changed monty's nickname to make algae not war </3
make algae not war </3: i hate this
→ make algae not war </3 has changed their nickname to make algae not war
make algae not war: better
jasper: "i hate this"
jasper: (removes the best part of it)
make algae not war: you're going to be so lucky if i even come back home
jasper: NOOOOOOO
o: monty
make algae not war: octavia
o: how much would i have to pay you to drive across town to bring me and lincoln donuts
make algae not war: octavia please
o: hypothetically
make algae not war: it's so obviously not hypothetical
o: it might be
make algae not war: it isn't
→ raven has changed murphy's nickname to cockroach
cockroach: wow raven you're so clever
raven: thank you, i know i am
→ cockroach has changed raven's nickname to #1 on the fbi's watchlist
#1 on the fbi's watchlist: i'm on everyone's list thank you very much
#1 on the fbi's watchlist: everyone's list of who they want to kiss
cockroach: that's such a lie
o: idk seems pretty based in fact to me
emori: true
cockroach: smfh
→ #1 on the fbi's watchlist has changed their nickname to REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: this one is going to stick. i can feel it in my bones. in my soul. in my mind. in my heart.
cockroach: what heart
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: says YOU. literally says YOU. of all people. you have zero room to speak shut the FUCK up
cockroach: idk if you make me more homicidal or suicidal
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: good.
→ clarke has changed lexa's nickname to candle kinker
candle kinker: so what we AREN'T doing today is this
clarke: i'm so right babe
candle kinker: no you are not
candle kinker: i can't believe you actively torment me for zero reason ):
clarke: don't look at me like that
clarke: do it the other way around like a normal person
candle kinker: .
candle kinker: :(
clarke: there you go <3
cockroach: yeah and everyone is out here going "ohhh murphy why are you so mean" and "ohhhh murphy get therapy" and "ohhh murphy you can't hit that kid" and "ohhhh murphy stop being a dick" but we completely decide to ignore clarke
clarke: i have pretty privilege and you don't
cockroach: uh no i ABSOLUTELY have pretty privilege go to HELL and STAY THERE FOREVER
clarke: no <3
→ lincoln.forrest has changed their nickname to *punches global warming in the face*
*punches global warming in the face*: good morning everyone! :) i'm so excited to go to sociology today and NOT kill our professor! i am SO happy to be going to a university where i want the majority of my professors to take a very nice and very long nap underground! :D i cannot WAIT for today!
o: maybe we do need group therapy actually
bell: as if i didn't have to pick you up from a waiting cell for kicking pike in the balls
o: i'd do it again
o: i'd kick him in the balls with a shotgun
o: a loaded one
o: and instead of kicking i'd be pulling the trigger
o: repeatedly. over and over again.
bell: .
bell: i really don't know who you learnt this from
o: i'm naturally violent
cockroach: more like naturally clinically insane
o: it's one of my strong points
→ candle kinker has changed their nickname to candles ♡
clarke: really not helping the candle kinkage
candles ♡: PLEASE
→clarke has changed candles ♡'s nickname to candles beloved
candles beloved: this one can stay
clarke: smfh yeah pick the boring name
candles beloved: i'm picking the TRUE name
candles beloved: you didn't even give me a choice
candles beloved: it was this or CANDLE KINKER
clarke: js
candles beloved: sigh
*punches global warming in the face*: i'm trying so hard to be positive today, HOWEVER, the knowledge that i will have to deal with charles pike for an hour is making me genuinely furious
*punches global warming in the face*: i would consider myself to be a very level-headed and understanding person
*punches global warming in the face*: however, when i think about pike, i get very close to violence
o: i'd consider myself a relatively violent person
o: and when i think abt pike i get real close to terrorism
bell: octavia please i can't bail you out
o: i won't get caught
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: literally so true i'll blow up the university for you queen
emori: i wish hbb wasn't so early in the morning
jasper: hbb?
emori: human behavioural biology
emori: you're literally in my class
emori: we sit next to each other
jasper: im not mentally checked in until abt 1pm
make algae not war: can confirm
jasper: ly2
make algae not war: you don't get an ily back after you made me go to the gas station alone
jasper: :(
make algae not war: still ineffective
[11:38 AM]
[GROUP THERAPY.]
roan.winters: dear lord
roan.winters: i'd leave, but i know that i'll just be dragged back into hell
emori: you can try and claw your way out, but you'll always just end up back here
roan.winters: i am unfortunately aware
roan.winters: idek how it came to this point
emori: clarke
roan.winters: true
roan.winters: wish i had climbed into someone else's window
emori: wish i had gotten stranded at the same time with ANYONE else other than john
roan.winters: the only thing i think i can do at this point is to change my name, flee the continent, and also die
emori: death isn't even an escape
roan.winters: shhhh
roan.winters: let me dream
→ roan.winters has changed their nickname to ice time babey
ice time babey: laying face down in the snow to escape my problems
emori: same, i'm two seconds away from throwing myself in front of a bus
ice time babey: that is not the same as laying face down in the snow
emori: close enough
echo: @clarke - how was sociology?
*punches global warming in the face*: clarke is busy assaulting murphy atm
*punches global warming in the face*: and it was the most boring thing in the entire world. pike refused to shut the hell up
echo: it was a lecture that he was teaching
*punches global warming in the face*: unimportant
*punches global warming in the face*: she took notes for you though so i wouldn't worry too much
echo: excellent
echo: thanks
emori: jasper didn't even show up for hbb today
emori: i think he passed out again
make algae not war: he did
make algae not war: came back with his stupid cum donut and he was dead asleep
emori: cum donut
emori: cumnut
make algae not war: sick of living
[2:28 PM]
[GROUP THERAPY.]
bell: does anyone want to go to the city of light with me?
echo: i'm already there
bell: you work there
echo: i'm still already there
bell: .
bell: fair enough
cockroach: yeah but i have a lecture in abt an hour
bell: it shouldn't take us an hour to get coffee
echo: it might
bell: please
echo: :)
bell: :(
cockroach: smfh
cockroach: @emori come with us since you've never been there before
cockroach: it's the worst small business in the entire world and not just because echo and roan are employed there
jasper: i am als o coming
make algae not war: oh, so you have the energy to get coffee but not to go to class?
jasper: this is different my beloved
jasper: coffee is essential
jasper: human behavioural biology is not
emori: i'll come, sure
emori: and hbb was fun today, we got to talk about murder
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: oh?
emori: yeah LMAO, we talked about hormones more in depth, stuff like that
clarke: my university hours are over for today do we really have to talk about it here too
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: let my girlfriend talk abt her class bitch
clarke: </3
cockroach: are we going rn?
bell: yees
cockroach: got it i'll steal a car
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: i can hit you with mine
emori: you don't have a car
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: sinclair
emori: AGAIN?
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: YEAHHHH THAT MAN LETS ME DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT BABEY!!!! PERKS OF BEING THE SMARTEST FUCKING PERSON ON THE PLANET
emori: SO TRUE
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: anyways if any of you need a ride i can pick you up idm
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: however we will NOT be damaging sinclair's car because i idolize that man and i don't want him to hate me
emori: no one could hate you
cockroach: .
emori: one person could hate you
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: murphy doesn't count as a person
cockroach: WOWWWWW
cockroach: way to show your real feelings abt gay people
REESE'S PUFFS REESE'S PUFFS: i literally AM a gay person
emori: we should head to the city of light soon, because i just saw lincoln come out of his last lecture, and he looks miserable
emori: sociology drained him but criminal justice broke him
ice time babey: i've never been happier to have rescheduled when i was in crimjus. worst fucking class of my life
emori: i've been interested in it, but seeing how lincoln looks like he wants to die every single time he comes out of it, i'm not fully sure i want to do it anymore
ice time babey: Don't.
bell: it wasn't that bad
ice time babey: shut the fuck up bellamy
bell: sigh
bell: you know what IS worse? religious studies
bell: i have never regretted taking classes more in my life
bell: FUCK history of the old testament. FUCK history of the new testament. GOD.
cockroach: LMAO L
cockroach: imagine being a history major
bell: i thought it would be a good idea but it wasn't
bell: :(
cockroach: i feel zero sympathy for you
bell: :(²
cockroach: what the fuck