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couldn't take the love i had, so weak and burning low.
but it grew into a weapon only hurting me, this i know
Kody realizes his friendship with her is long gone.
After the countless days of bullying, the realization finally settles in. He realizes that his best friend Calla won't come to him anymore, showing him the new tricks she can do with magic and her carefree smile. Instead of a smile now, a look of pure hatred is sent his way everyday instead.
He didn't see this coming, couldn't have seen this coming. She said she'd still be friends with him even though he couldn't use magic and he believed her. He believed her and look where it got him.
But maybe it's his fault. His fault for yelling at her when she was trying to help. He saw the hurt flash across her eyes, and instead of speaking up he ran away like a coward. He ran away and he cried like cowards do.
Now his best friend Calla is gone. She's gone and he doesn't know if it'll ever be the same between them.
so good with numbers, science, math i like,
but i'm terrible at english, so i despise.
It’s a few days after everyone knows he can’t use magic properly when the bullying starts. It’s not much at first, just simple glares or pitied looks from people he thought were friends. But then the day comes when it’s a shout of insults, calling him useless or something worse.
He really used to look forward to going to school. He was interested in the subjects, he wanted to be smart and impress his father and he was happy to see his friends everyday. Now he just goes to get the day over with, but not without feeling like every single person in the room is judging him every second of class.
Eventually, it becomes everyday, reused insults whenever he’s in the halls or just whenever he’s in school in general.
Walking out of class? You’re worthless.
Going to lunch? I feel bad for his dad. It must be embarrassing to have a kid who can’t use magic.
He thought that would be the one that hurt most until he heard it. The one thing he’s been avoiding thinking about, the one thing he really didn’t want to be true.
He’s never gonna be a real witch. How disappointing.
And he recognizes that voice, the one who said it. It’s said in boredom, maybe an afterthought. Then the topic is changed and they're talking about something else.
That was the first day he didn’t come out of his room for dinner.
can you even read his mind? see that kid's lost fantasy?
He doesn’t know why he keeps trying to use magic. There's no point, no point in believing that he’ll actually be of use one day. Everyone's telling him to give up being a witch anyway, in school that’s all he hears.
Kody doesn’t believe his father when he reassures him that it’s okay. That he’s still his son and that he still loves him. He does not and will not believe it because he knows it’s not true.
He makes sure his father isn’t home when he tries to use his magic. He thinks he's got the hold of it until he's dropping to the floor, trembling as he cradles his left hand. It’s horribly painful but maybe that’s how it's supposed to be. He has to get used to it, has to become stronger so that maybe one day someone would be proud of him.
So that one day he could maybe be proud of himself.
did we really choose it right saying we're okay this way?
hey, just tell me how, it's not like i care now.
She’s changed for the worse, that’s for sure. She’s not Calla.
Calla wouldn’t treat him like this, Kody knows she wouldn't.
Atleast, he thought he did.
He thought maybe, the slightest chance that she would come back to him, be friends again like they were kids.. It never happened. After two months which turned to three, three that turned to six and then six that eventually turned into a year. A year that turned into two, then three. Three years and she never once came back, never once looked his way again. She grew meaner, colder, more agitated everyday and not even only towards him but towards everyone .
Is it bad of him to be the slightest bit happy that he’s not the only one? He doesn’t know, and he realizes after three years he still cares. He doesn't want to care, doesn't want to miss someone who couldn't care less. But he finds himself doing so late at night when it's just him and his thoughts.
Wondering where it all went wrong, if he could have done something differently maybe they would still be friends. Maybe she would be next to him fast asleep, sleeping over for the night like they were kids. Maybe the small bruises on his arms wouldn't exist, the small eyebags that formed due to his lack of sleep. Maybe he wouldn be worrying about his father who just wants to help him.
It’s too late now.