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Sakusa Kiyoomi is, arguably, the hardest person to read on the team.
He never sticks around after practice, often shooting off to his own, clean apartment. Although he usually speaks his mind if he has an issue, he regularly holds his praise, and if you asked Atsumu what he was thinking at any given moment, the setter likely would not be able to come up with an answer. Sakusa hides behind a plain black mask at any opportunity, and he never goes out with the team. Sakusa is efficient - in, practice, out. Repeat. Sakusa is usually closed off, almost entirely expressionless, if he is ever happy, Miya Atsumu would not be able to tell. But that’s just the way Sakusa is.
Sakusa Kiyoomi is, in Atsumu’s opinion, the best looking player on the team.
He probably just reminds Atsumu of Kita-san, with his quiet responsibility - although he isn’t nearly as kind, and Astumu isn’t in love with Sakusa. He just finds the man attractive - a perfectly normal behaviour. Sakusa is a conventionally attractive person, there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s tall, he has dark hair, he has two little beauty marks that some people could argue as hot. There’s not much to it. Atsumu just thinks, from far away, he understands the appeal.
What he doesn't understand, however, is why so many people try to flirt with him.
The public knows Sakusa’s personality. They understand that he’s quiet, unbothered, and that man has absolutely zero game from all the promotional youtube videos and ads they do during off season. And yet, multiple times, Atsumu has caught someone trying to chat him up as he leaves the gym. Sakusa has even complained to the team how much people bother him when he goes out.
It’s not as if Miya is jealous. It just gets on his nerves how perfectly good and attractive people will go for Sakusa and not him.
‘You're just mad everybody stopped likin’ ya after you left highschool’
That’s what Osamu had said. It was partially true.
The whole truth was Atsumu was just very, very lonely. But it would take a while to convince the setter that loneliness was the real problem, according to him, it was Sakusa who was the sole cause of his glum feelings.
And the same Sakusa is standing in profile, with the sun brushing his outline - making him glow. The same Sakusa is standing outside the gym, staring at the damp pavement - fresh from a rain shower. The same Sakusa is not moving, and starting to weird Atsumu out.
“Hey Omi.” He says, approaching cautiously. The bush behind Sakusa twinkles as he walks, the little drops of rain left on the leaves catch his eye. Atsumu always liked going outside just after it rained, he felt as if the earth had just had a shower and was refreshed and ready to be practised on. Osamu thought he was an idiot.
“Ya only like it because there's rainbows and you’re gay”
“‘Samu, you’re gay too”
“Not as revoltin’ as you though”
“Yer pretty revoltin’ with Sunarin-”
“SHUT UP-”
Atsumu smiled slightly and took a deep breath in, appreciating the smell of fresh rain. He stopped beside Sakusa, who hadn’t responded to his original call, and looked at where the pavement had managed to capture his dark eyes.
“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Atsumu said, and Sakusa only grunted.
There, on the ground, was an ugly little pink worm. It was moving slowly, and in a pretty high-traffic area, so there was a good chance it would get killed by an unsuspecting university student or run over by a delivery driver.
Atsumu turned around, nonchalantly saying “‘s probably gonna die.”. Sakusa remained there, though, still looking at the ugly little thing. This captured Atsumu’s attention, and he turned back to Sakusa.
“Ya know, I don’t get why you’re starin’ at somethin’ so ugly, doesn’t it gross you out?” Atsumu took a few paces behind Sakusa, folding his arms like he was impatient. Like he wanted to walk with Sakusa. But that’s normal.
“I manage to look at you every practice.” Sakusa replied, Atsumu let out a squawk of outrage, while Sakusa sighed at the stupid little worm again.
After a pause, Sakusa spoke. “Do you think he’s going to die?” Sakusa said softly, turning towards Atsumu with puppy eyes that some people could get lost in for hours.
“I just said it probably would-” Atsumu cut himself off, looking into Sakusa’s disappointed eyes.
Why does this guy care so much?
Atsumu sighed, and Sakusa looked back down at the worm, which was wriggling back and forth quite stupidly, making a lot of effort and not going anywhere. It was kind of gross, it had a sheen that was probably some kind of bug slime that Atsumu didn’t know anything about. With one last sigh, Atsumu bent down and picked up the worm, placing it in his palm delicately and transferring it underneath the bush nearby. Standing back up, he turned to face Sakusa with feigned impatience, before wiping his hands on his trousers and starting to walk back to his flat.
He heard footsteps behind him, and soon, out the corner of his eye, he saw a hand holding an open bottle of hand sanitizer.
Omi fell into step beside him, and thrust the hand sanitizer towards Atsumu, who was slightly, only a very teensy bit completely bewildered. I mean, this is Sakusa Kiyoomi we’re talking about. He never hangs around after practice, or walks with anyone - especially Atsumu. And here he was just offering his sacred hand sanitizer to him? What, had he gone mad? Why was Sakusa sharing with Atsumu, of all people?
Atsumu chuckled nervously, “Are ya sure you’re feelin’ ok, Omi?”
“Just take the sanitizer, Miya.” Sakusa replied, thrusting the bottle at him again. Atsumu gulped, and stuck out his hand, to which Sakusa applied a generous blob of sanitizer to. Atsumu rubbed his hands together, trying to get his head around what the hell just happened, and why Sakusa cared so much about that damn worm.
~~~
Sometimes, Atsumu felt a little bit like that worm.
Of course Atsumu isn’t as ugly as that worm, but sometimes he felt as if he was making so much effort, and getting nowhere.
Like he’s lost, in a cold, hard, unfamiliar place with way too many lights on him. Like he’s setting and setting but nothing feels right and the ball goes too high or falls too short, but there's nothing he can do about it because he's helpless and tiny and waiting for a big, safe hand to take him away from it all.
Like he’s wiggling and wriggling, but he’s lost sight of home - too far from Hyogo to go back - too far from his brother who’s pursuing his own dream and his old teammates in god knows where doing god knows what. Too far from comfort.
Like he’s exhausted himself from trying to do something about it, like he’s slowing down to just waiting for an unrealistic miracle to scoop him up and take him away. Like he’s too useless to solve his own problems and will die alone and ugly because it was his stupid fault that he thought he could brave the concrete in hopes to find an even greener bush. Like he was too ungrateful and that’s why he’s here now, in this state, after practice - practising and practising after hours, ignoring his sore hands and aching feet - setting and setting until it feels right.
But it never feels right. It feels cold and sore and unfamiliar - as if the ball is a stranger he’s just met and the court is a new park that he discovered a little while away from his neighbourhood.
It’s so faint, it’s new but not exciting because it’s almost close to home - and the stranger is someone he’s seen from a distance working a till at a coffee shop but he’s still never met them. It’s new but it’s boring. Unfamiliar but not so much as so he could get a thrill out of taking the risk. It’s bland. It’s dull. It’s repetitive.
But it’s volleyball, and it’s his everything.
Atsumu ends up practising himself sore and going home around three and a half hours after practice initially ended.
And on the way out, Atsumu is not thinking about the stupid worm. He’s not thinking about the smell of fresh rain and the sight of Sakusa staring at the ground.
Atsumu doesn't want to know why Omi-kun seemed to care so much about that helpless ugly little worm. Not even a little bit.
Atsumu doesn’t worry about what Sakusa will think when he goes into practice the next day and he’s still aching from the day before.
He doesn’t wonder if someone would offer to help him stretch and touch him on his back, arms and legs.
He doesn’t wonder if that hand sanitiser meant anything.
~~~
“‘Samu ‘Samu!” Atsumu huffed, throwing open the doors to Onigiri Miya. Atsumu’s hair was wild and wind-swept from the run over - his nose pink from the cold.
“Atsumu what the hell? You’re lettin’ all the cold air in.” Atsumu’s brother spoke from behind the counter, wearing a green apron and refilling a tray of sauces.
“I gotta tell ya somethin’ ‘Samu.” Atsumu heaved, walking all the way into the shop and taking a seat at the counter, directly in front of Osamu.
“Yer lucky it’s the winter, if it were busy I woulda kicked you out as soon as ya barged through the damn door.” Osamu chided, moving around the counter as he was putting odd things back in their places. Atsumu rolled his eyes.
“Don’t be prickly, ‘Samu.” Atsumu took a breath, “I really gotta tell you somethin’ though”
“I don’t see how this could have any importance to me, ‘Tsumu.” Osamu stated, wiping a glass down.
“It’s about Omi-kun.” Atsumu replied, smiling.
“Oh?” Replied Osamu, putting the glass down and leaning on the counter.
“He didn’t shout at me at all in practice today.” Atsumu said, raising his eyebrows for effect.
“Sakusa was nice to you? That’s somethin’ I never thought would happen.” His brother asked.
“Well- no- not really. He just didn’t really talk to me, yanno?”
“What the hell ‘Tsumu? Ya barged in here jus’ to tell me Sakusa didn’t talk to you today?” Osamu turned away from the counter, and started to sort the clean cutlery into the draws on the opposite wall.
“Well, it’s a start you know? And yesterday he shared his hand sanitiser with me!” Atsumu sighed. “You can’t tell me he’s not changin’ his mind about me.”
“Ya wanna know what I think, ‘Tsumu?” Osamu said. “ I think that yer overthinkin’ nothin’ ‘cause you have some kinda weird obsession with the dude.”
Atsumu squawked, leaning forward. “I do not have a crush on Omi-kun!”
Osamu shrugged, closing the drawer with his hip. “Didn’t say ya did.” He stated, throwing a rag over his shoulder. “I was like that with Suna too, before we got together. I couldn’t stop overthinkin’ an’ shit an’ it got in the way of school because I’d be so distracted all the time-”
“‘Samu stop I don't wanna hear about-”
“‘Cause I’d keep thinkin’ about how cool and hot he was-”
Atsumu covered his ears “Stop it, ‘Samu!”
“But my grades were slippin’ so I decided to jus’ suck it up and tell him-”
Atsumu stood up and walked to the door, still covering his ears. “I can’t hear ya talkin’ about yer revoltin’, happy, gay relationship~” Atsumu sang as he slipped out the door.
“Atsumu!” His brother yelled after him.
Atsumu popped his head back through the door.
“Don’t let it distract ya from volleyball, I know how much that means to you.” Osamu nodded sincerely.
Atsumu threw his hands in the air “I don’t have a crush on Omi-kun!”
~~~
Atsumu, of course, had only gone and developed a crush on Sakusa.
It should be a good thing, because Atsumu loves love. Especially gay love.
But what Atsumu doesn’t love is Sakusa. He doesn’t. The only thing he felt towards the spiker was childish infatuation. Because Sakusa made him feel like he was still in school, with no experience, falling hard and fast because he didn’t know any better.
But Atsumu did know better, he’s had a boyfriend - three (not including a one week summer fling). Atsumu knows how to flirt, how to ask someone out without the nervousness he felt when he liked Kita.
And yeah, that was probably it, he probably only felt like this because Sakusa reminds him of Kita-san. He’s thought about it before - they’re both quiet, and responsible, and attractive-
But Kita is kinder to him, to everyone. Kita is softer, more tolerable. Kita is like the sun compared to Atsumu. Sakusa is like the moon.
Which, logically, would make Atsumu the sun, which Atsumu did not want to think about because that is marriage level sappiness.
And Atsumu is not in love with Sakusa.
It seems as if the more he tells himself he’s not in love, the harder it is to believe. So, instead, Atsumu decides to not even think about him at all.
Which only lasts around an hour and thirty-nine minutes, because Sakusa decided to torment Atsumu and post a very attractive picture on instagram.
It’s a mirror selfie, and Sakusa has ‘just got back from a run’ according to the short caption underneath. Sakusa has his head lowered, partially blocked by the phone and his curly fringe. His shirt is sticking to his toned body - Atsumu is an athlete too but hell. A part of his shirt had ridden up and exposed a sliver of skin, and all of a sudden Atsumu could relate to the 1.3k thirsty comments under the post.
“This isn’t fair!” Atsumu exclaimed, locking his phone and angrily putting it down on the bar surface. Hinata put his hand on Atsumu’s shoulder and patted it sympathetically while Bokuto was smiling down at his phone on the set next to him.
“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Hinata said, swaying on his feet from tipsiness, “But I think you should tell them you like them.”
Atsumu leant forward, stretching his torso across the bar and letting his hands droop down the other side. “I can’t.” He said, before burying his face in between his biceps.
“Sure you can.” Bokuto said, finally peeling himself away from his phone. “I was mopey like this too before I told Keiji how I felt. Now look at me! I’m happily ignoring you guys and texting him as we speak!”
“Yeah,” Hinata agreed, “Being friends with Tobio was great and all, but I’m so glad I told him how I feel because now I get to date him!”
“I thought Kageyama confessed.” Bokuto said, looking up from his phone for the second time of the night.
“Well, he tried to kiss me first, but he missed and kind of punched me in the face with his mouth- so I just told him. So, technically, I confessed first.” Hinata countered, answer rehearsed as he had an ongoing debate with his boyfriend about who confessed first; so far Hinata was winning.
“So, he made the first move?” Bokuto asked, before diverting his attention back to his phone.
“No! Well- ugh, back to the point, Atsumu should totally confess because dating is awesome!” Hinata steered, and Atsumu rested his chin on his arm.
“I don’t wanna date him.” He said quietly.
“What? Why?” Hinata said, shocked.
“I just wanna kiss ‘im. I don’t actually like him in that way, I just-” Atsumu sighed. “-he’s just really attractive.”
Hinata looked at him with an over-exaggerated sigh. “Stage one: Daniel.”
“It’s ‘denial’, Hinata.” A low voice spoke from behind them, and Barnes took a seat on the other side of Hinata.
Hinata threw his arms in the air and swayed again. “I knew that! It’s a joke! I’m joking!” He sighed, “I’m gonna grab another drink.”
And with that, Hinata was off.
“I may have overheard that.” Barnes said with a swig of his drink. “And I think you should invite the guy out.”
Atsumu almost rolled his eyes so hard he would’ve fallen off his barstool. “I am not dating him.” He said.
Barnes sighed. “That’s not what I meant,” He took another sip, “I think you should hang out with him more to see if you like him or not.”
“I do like him.” Atsumu said, which was probably the first time he’s said it without hesitation. “I jus’ don’t wanna date him. Plus, if I asked him out he’d say no anyway.”
“Why don’t you want to date him?” Barnes asked.
“Because he’s mean!” Atsumu exclaimed, putting his forehead on the cold, varnished wood of the bar. “He insults me all the time an’ won’t even go near me.”
“Is this Sakusa?” Barnes asked.
“Not so loud!” Atsumu hushed. “But yes, and I don’t stand a chance, I know.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” Barnes said, causing Atsumu to look up. “I think you need to sort yourself out before you go for it though.”
“What do I need to sort out?” Atsumu asked.
“Whether you actually like him or not, dumbass.” Barnes replied.
“I do, I just-” Atsumu sighed. “How do I know ?”
“Ah ah ah, that’s for you to figure out, Atsumu.” Barnes cut off.
“But-” Atsumu tried.
“Nope.” Barnes stood up with finality. “I’m heading out, you probably should too.”
Atsumu watched as he walked away, before swinging back around and putting his head in his arms again.
“You should picture him with someone else, and see how you feel about it. That’s how I found out - though I didn’t really have to picture.” Bokuto said, toned down from his normal bubbly self.
“You’re still here?!”
~~~
Atsumu was terrified.
Not because his life was in immediate danger, or because he was about to play in the most important volleyball game in his life.
No, it was much worse than that.
Atsumu liked Sakusa.
Atsumu likes Sakusa.
Atsumu likes Sakusa and Sakusa has been acting weird all practice and Sakusa has just agreed to go on a team outing with them.
Sakusa had never agreed to go on a team outing with them. They only invite him out of politeness each time - they know Sakusa always says no.
So, what changed?
Has Sakusa finally gone mad? Has Sakusa let down his walls and is softening up to the team? Was he bribed? Was this a clone of Sakusa and the real Sakusa was locked in a basement somehow? Could Sakusa… want to spend time with the team?
With Atsumu?
It didn’t seem likely- none of the options did. Apart from the clone theory.
Atsumu suddenly realised he was gaping, and he quickly puts on a teasing smile.
“Are you sure yer feelin’ ok, Omi?” Atsumu raised the back of his hand to hover over Sakusa’s forehead, as if he was checking for a temperature. He was careful to not touch Sakusa’s skin. He knows how much Sakusa hates touching.
Sakusa leans forward.
Only enough for his forehead to lightly brush Atsumu’s knuckles- but it was there .
It was so faint - so quick. A small shift that anyone could count as an accident, but this was Sakusa - Sakusa does not touch by accident.
Atsumu almost flinches and returns his hand back to his side, wiping his clamminess on his shirt. That just happened, be cool.
“Very funny, Miya.” Sakusa said, brown eyes trained calmly on Atsumu. His mouth was hidden behind his mask, and Atsumu wished he could take it off and kiss the fucker on the lips. That was something to save for a more private environment. “I didn’t realise it was a crime to join my teammates for drinks.”
“We do want you there, Omi-kun!” Hinata said despite his shock.
“Yeah, what Hinata said, we were just- well, you usually say no.” Adriah said from behind Hinata.
Sakusa turns to make his way out of the door. “Get used to it.” He said before exiting.
Atsumu gaped after him, while Hinata patted his shoulder in an effort of - comfort? Reassurance?
Either way, Atsumu couldn’t really feel it over the oncoming wave of thoughts crashing through his head.
The thoughts were still a relentless storm as Atsumu walked back to the team’s apartment complex - still raging as he got ready and still thundering as he walked into the club.
They managed to get even louder as Atsumu spotted Sakusa, perched high on a bar stool, clearly uncomfortable. Atsumu hoped he wasn’t tagging along just for him, that Sakusa had a part of him that wanted to go, otherwise he’d feel incredibly guilty.
Well, Atsumu didn’t think Sakusa had come out with them to be with him specifically, because that would be absolutely crazy. Atsumu hopes that Sakusa isn’t just doing it for the team to like him more because, well, if he could convince Atsumu to have a crush on him, anyone could find it in them to like him. Much to Atsumu’s dismay.
But Sakusa doesn’t care enough about Atsumu to do that. No matter how much Atsumu wishes he did.
“Hey Omi, didn’t think you’d actually come.” Atsumu said with an awkward breath of laughter as he took a seat on one side of Sakusa. Hinata and Bokuto were already on the dance floor, Adriah was ill and Barnes was probably outside having a cigarette somewhere. Inunaki was sitting at a table in the corner, chatting up some tall blonde guy. Atsumu laughed a little, before ordering his usual beer from the bartender.
“I said I would, didn’t I?” Sakusa grumbled, fiddling with his glass of whiskey.
“Well, I’m glad ya came.” Atsumu smiled widely at Sakusa and promptly thought: oh shit, that smile was too big, he’s gonna think yer super weird and who smiles that wide about someone showing up to a random club-
Atsumu gulped, and glanced at Sakusa again, who was staring at his drink with a… blush? That’s sweet , Atsumu thought, that he’s embarrassed about a friend showing gratitude for his presence.
“It seems as lively as you said it would be.” Sakusa chided, still looking at his glass.
“Hah, well, it is only eight on a Tuesday.” Atsumu said. They were lucky it was off season, and they were actually allowed to consume a small amount of alcohol. Practice also wasn’t going to be on the next day, so the group made the most of the free evening they had.
Sakusa sighed and looked at the wall on the other side of the bar, still refusing to look at Atsumu.
“Are ya sure you’re having fun, Omi?” Atsumu asked with concern, leaning his cheek in his palm.
“Yes.” Sakusa snapped. “I said I would come, I came. I said I would drink, I’m drinking.” Sakusa glanced at Atsumu. “Stop doing all-” He gestured to Atsumu’s face, “this”.
“What? I’m just a bit concerned, if ya don’t have fun you’re not gonna wanna go out with m- us- again.” Atsumu said, gazing at Sakusa’s profile.
Sakusa raised an eyebrow. “I just don’t want to be treated like a child. I can handle myself.”
“I know, you jus’ looked really uncomfortable when I walked in so I thought-”
“That’s dangerous.” Sakusa quipped.
“Hey.” Atsumu said, pouting.
“Sorry.” Sakusa looked away from Atsumu again. “I guess I am a bit uptight.”
“I can show you how to have fun if you want.” Atsumu offered, a smirk growing on his face.
“What are you scheming, Miya?” Sakusa leant towards Atsumu a little, taking a sip of his whiskey.
“What? Me? Scheme? Never.” Atsumu said, clutching his heart.
Sakusa raised a brow. His brown eyes peered through the curtain of his curls, and his eyelashes fluttered as he blinked. This was going to be a long night.
“Dance with me, Omi.” Atsumu said quietly, suddenly feeling breathless at the eye contact.
“No.” Sakusa said, looking away again.
“Oh come on.” Atsumu jumped off his stool and downed the rest of his beer. “It’ll be fun, I promise. And we can leave whenever you like, just five minutes.”
Sakusa contemplated it, turned it over in his head, and cautiously nodded. Atsumu smiled. “Only if we do a shot first.” He said, a smile barely on his lips. It was gorgeous.
“Okay, I like the way you think, Omi.” I also like a lot more about you.
“Also, we’re going to my place after, I don’t trust your apartment.” Sakusa said.
“You’re so mean, Omi!”
After drinking some shots, Atsumu led him to the dance floor, where Bokuto and Hinata were still having a rather energetic dance competition.
Atsumu stopped in an area without many people - the edge - and started moving his hips to the rhythm of the music. It was some old, trashy 2000s pop song, exactly the kind Atsumu liked.
Sakusa turned rigid and just watched Atsumu like an awkward teenager, laughter bubbled up in Atsumu’s throat.
“Omi, yer supposed to move to the music, ya know.” Atsumu said, spinning slowly in a circle.
“Uh, how?” Sakusa asked, ripping his eyes up Atsumu’s body, causing him to shiver slightly.
“Want me to show ya?” Sakusa nodded. “Is this ok?” Atsumu asked, placing his hand on Sakusa’s waist. Sakusa nodded again.
Atsumu carefully used his hands to guide Sakusa’s hips to a gentle swaying movement. Atsumu’s eyes stayed glued to his hands on Sakusa’s hips, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the man he’d been crushing on for weeks - not in this proximity.
Atsumu, in this moment, in the worst moment of all - thinks of that worm again.
He realises that, no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never get to be with Sakusa.
He feels like he’s useless again, wiggling under Sakusa’s gaze, but Sakusa will never bend down and touch him, because he’s repulsive.
And then Atsumu watches as Sakusa hesitantly lifts his own arms and wraps them around Atsumu’s shoulders. Atsumu’s heart is going a mile a minute, and he screws his eyes shut for a second. How did this happen? Why was Sakusa letting him so close? Why did Sakusa agree to go out with the team?
Atsumu looks up by mistake.
A wonderful sight beholds him, as his eyes are greeted by Sakusa’s. He peers in deep - he can’t help it, they’re so warm and comforting and safe. Sakusa’s breath fans over his face. Sakusa’s lips are right there, red and slightly parted. It looks like he’s panting, Atsumu drags his eyes back up to meet Sakusa’s and he can't look away this time - he sees Sakusa’s blush from the corner of his eye and he realises he’s staring and not saying anything.
“Yer a natural, Omi.” He says pathetically, quietly, as his attention focuses on the feeling of Sakusa’s curls brushing his forehead. Sakusa’s gaze flicks down to Atsumu’s mouth, and back to his eyes just as quickly, as if he didn’t want to.
“Atsumu…” He said, looking at Atsumu’s mouth again.
Atsumu just can't take it anymore. He feels dirty, as if he’s taken advantage when he hasn’t done anything. He feels as if he’s picked Sakusa up and placed him into an unfamiliar, unsafe bush with no warning.
He breaks away, removes his hands from Sakusa’s waist and puts a pace in between them. Sakusa almost looks disappointed, so Atsumu speaks up, loud and awkward.
“Uh, let's get you home, shall we?” Atsumu glances at the door, then back at Sakusa.
“I can take care of myself, Miya.” Back to Miya, that’s totally not heartbreaking at all.
“I know, Omi.” Atsumu says quietly. “I jus’ wanna keep ya company, ‘s that ok?”
Sakusa sighed, looking at the gap that Atsumu made between them as if he were staring at the edge of a cliff. That is what love feels like - falling off the edge of a cliff.
What does Atsumu know about love, anyway?
His first love was Kita-san, but Atsumu can barely even argue that that was true love because Kita didn’t even like him back.
Atsumu hadn’t been in love since then, and Omi…
Atsumu didn’t know what Sakusa was to him anymore. He just knew he had to get his spiker home.
So that’s how Atsumu found himself in Sakusa’s place, staring at the white walls of his apartment. It was just as Atsumu expected: tidy, clean, organised.
A pair of slippers are shoved in his face. Atsumu takes them and puts them on, before following Sakusa into the kitchen.
“I’m not drunk, you know.” Sakusa says, leaning on the immaculate black countertops.
“Right, and I’m not in yer apartment right now.” Atsumu says, raising his eyebrows. Sakusa adopts a strange look on his face.
“What’s that look for?” Atsumu asks nervously, shuffling awkwardly in the kitchen doorway.
“Your accent is more prominent now that you’ve had alcohol.” Sakusa says, giving Atsumu the second grin of the night.
Atsumu gulped. “So?”
“I like it.” Sakusa admitted and right, there's no way Omi-kun is sober right now.
“Ya do?” Atsumu smiled. “If ya get ready fer bed, I’ll tell ya a story in my accent.”
“I’m not a-”
“Child? Not sayin’ ya are, let’s jus’ get ready fer bed, yeah? It’s-” Atsumu looked at his phone. “Jesus, it’s half ten, time flies when yer havin’ fun I guess.” Atumu promptly shooed Sakusa out of the kitchen and took a seat on the sofa while he waited for Sakusa to get out of the shower.
Atsumu unlocks his phone, and scrolls through instagram absentmindedly. Ten minutes into his wait, he gets a text from Osamu, and the two message for a while.
Atsumu checks the time again, and listens for the shower- it’s off, and it’s been half an hour since Atsumu originally told Sakusa to go to bed.
A horrendously odd sight is waiting for Atsumu in the kitchen. Sakusa is drinking wine straight from the bottle, hair still wet, shirt off. Atumu runs a hand down his face.
“You found me.” Sakusa says, disappointed. What the hell is going on with this man?
“How much have ya been drinkin’, Omi?” He asks, exasperated.
“Well,” Sakusa takes a breath, “A can of cider here, a can of cider on the way to the bar, uhh-”
Sakusa pauses, and Atsumu thinks it’s the first time he’s seen Sakusa hesitate.
“One- no, two whiskeys at the bar. A nice man got me one of them but I remember- being sad it wasn’t you because…” Sakusa pauses again. “I was waiting for you and then you showed up half way through my second one.”
Atsumu remembers how much he’s had from there. Two shots and what looks like half a bottle of rosé. If Sakusa couldn’t handle his alcohol, it was no wonder why he agreed to dance with Atsumu. This discovery only makes Atsumu feel worse.
“Why did ya feel the need to drink more right now?” Atsumu asks softly, careful not to seem angry.
“Well, you’re in my house and…” Yet another pause, “And I can have fun too.”
“Is that why ya agreed to come with us to the club?” Atsumu didn’t need Sakusa’s answer to know the truth. He was an idiot for hoping Sakusa wanted to spend time with him.
He was an idiot for thinking Sakusa would agree to touch him sober.
He was an idiot for thinking a bottle of hand sanitiser meant anything.
Atsumu felt a stinging sickness travel up his throat, and swallowed hard. He can cry about this later, no matter how much it hurts, he has to get Sakusa to bed.
“Jus’, jus’ promise me you’ll go to bed now, you’ll do that for me, wont ya?” Atsumu avoided making eye contact with Sakusa, afraid that if he did, he’d break down crying right there and then.
Atsumu had always taken pride in his strength, but something about Sakusa made him feel weak, fragile.
And the worst part was the fact that Atsumu found a thrill in it.
“Where are you going?” Sakusa asked, putting the wine bottle down.
“I’m goin’ to my bed, Sakusa.” Atsumu said coldly, he can't deal with this right now.
“Oh.” Sakusa replied, nodding. “Of course.” Atsumu took it as his cue to get the hell out of there. He walked over to the door, still furiously avoiding Saksusa’s eye contact as he changed his shoes.
“Why Sakusa?” Said the man behind him. Atsumu sighed.
“What d’ya mean?” Atsumu put his hand on the doorknob.
“Why not Omi? Are you upset?” Sakusa said, moving to the doorway as Atsumu stepped outside.
“Ya hate it when I call ya Omi, remember?” Atsumu snapped.
“That’s never stopped you.” Sakusa said, leaning his head on the doorway.
“Oh, yeah? Well maybe I should stop.” Atsumu angrily looked into Sakusa’s eyes. “ This should stop.” Atsumu waves his hands in between the two. He can feel his eyes gathering water.
“What’s ‘ this ’?” Sakusa said calmly, mimicking his gesture. Atsumu was jealous at how unemotional he sounded.
“Forget it, Sakusa. There’s no point.” Voice quivering, Atsumu started walking to his own apartment. It was dangerous to spend another minute in Sakusa’s presence.
“You wouldn’t say yes, anyway.” He says under his breath when he’s too far down the corridor. It’s a useless, feeble jab that Sakusa doesn’t even hear. What’s the point?
Atsumu slams the door of his own apartment, puts his head in his hands and sobs.
He cries and cries and cries, until he has to crouch down because Sakusa makes him too weak to even stand. He cries and cries and cries until he realises that no one has made him cry this much since Kita-san rejected him. He cries until his tears dry and Atsumu has none left.
And then, Atsumu just sits. He sits on his bed and stares at the opposite wall. This time, he lets the wave of thoughts submerge him, instead of trying to fight to stay above the surface.
It's the first time in a few years he just allows himself to think.
He realises he doesn’t know anything about Sakusa, truly. He realises that he’s been crying over a man who hasn’t once shown any signs that he wants Atsumu. He hasn’t shown any vulnerability to him.
And, it doesn’t matter, because Atsumu is sure he still likes Omi, but he realises that he needs to give Sakusa a chance, instead of smothering him and expecting something in return. Atsumu realises he needs to let go a bit, to wait for Sakusa to come to him - if he wants to.
To think, all this time he’s been thinking about Sakusa, he never thought about how Sakusa would want to be treated.
In the unlikely event that Sakusa likes Atsumu back, Atsumu would wait for Sakusa to come to him.
~~~
Atsumu doesn’t have to wait long before Sakusa starts acting weird again. It’s three days after their fight, and Atsumu hadn’t let it get in the way of practice.
He’d promised Osamu, after all, that he wouldn’t. So he still smiles at Sakusa, still bickers with him, still gets mad when the spiker wouldn’t hit his set the way he wanted. Nobody notices anything’s wrong, and Sakusa even sighed with relief when Atsumu didn’t act differently the first day. They’d been working well together again, until Sakusa showed up to one practice acting quite nervous.
He had been more tame, biting back his insults and speaking more of his praise recently. He had been avoiding eye contact, but touching more in the form of high-fives. Atsumu wasn’t sure what happened, but he was glad that Omi had finally succumbed to the infectious cheerinous of Hinata Shouyou and his high-fives.
After practice, Sakusa waited for Atsumu to come out of the changing rooms, and they silently walked back to the team’s apartment complex together. The season was changing to winter, and Atsumu spent the walk appreciating the thin white frost beginning to form on the ground and the fluffy white cloud puffing every time he breathed. Atsumu liked the summer, but the winter had its own unique charm to it.
When Atsumu broke off to go to his own apartment, Sakusa asked “Where are you going?”
“Uh, home, Omi-kun.” Atsumu said with a chuckle.
“Oh.” Sakusa said, unlocking his apartment door. Sakusa didn’t go in.
“Hey, Omi,” Atsumu started, and Sakusa looked at him, “Is it alright if I come over for a bit?”
Sakusa nodded and entered his apartment. Atsumu grinned.
“What are you smiling at?” Sakusa said after they had both changed their shoes.
“Nothin’! Just laughin’ at the fact that you couldn’t bring yourself to invite me over.” Atsumu walked into the living room and perched himself on the edge of the sofa, in the same spot he had waited for Sakusa to come out of the shower four nights ago.
“Ugh, I’m already regretting it.” Sakusa said, taking a seat at the opposite end of the sofa. Sakusa looked at Atsumu, as if he was expecting something. Oh no you don’t, if you want something, you’re gonna have to get it yourself.
“Hey, Omi?” Atsumu said. “Remember a couple weeks ago, when I saw ya outside the gym lookin’ at that worm?”
“Yes?” Sakusa said, leaning his head on his palm and putting one leg up on the sofa.
“Why did ya care so much about whether it was gonna die?” Atsumu glanced at Sakusa, who sighed.
“When I was younger, around eight years old or so, I had an incredible fascination with the insect world.”
“What? You? But bugs are so gross and small and stuff.”
“Well, yes but I always liked the way they could form whole colonies and civilisations underground, and how such small beings were able to find such power together. I loved learning how to identify them, and I would spend all my time in the local museum looking at the beetle and ant displays, though I never wanted to touch them. My parents thought I was so strange, having an obsessive fascination over something I refused to touch. Then I got diagnosed with OCD, and I guess it makes sense.”
“You have OCD?” Atsumu asked, leaning back a little on the sofa.
“Yes, it’s why I refuse to touch a lot of things, it saves me washing my hands over and over for twenty minutes, which is what I used to do when I came home from school. I learnt to deal with it a bit better though, now I’m more comfortable with touching, although I’d still rather not do it.”
“Yeah, I get it, I think I noticed.” Atsumu says, making eye contact with Sakusa.
“You noticed? What do you mean by that?” Sakusa asks, clinging onto the eye contact as if it were his life support.
“I mean, yeah. You never touch me- or anyone- in practice. The only time we touched was when you were drunk so it doesn’t even count.” Atsumu chuckled. Sakusa looked annoyed.
“I wasn’t drunk Miya, you were the one acting as if I couldn’t walk by myself.” Sakusa quipps.
“You invited me to yer apartment-” Atsumu tries to argue.
“You’re in here right now, do you think I was drinking from a bottle of vodka during practice?” Sakusa says.
“I caught ya in the kitchen with half a bottle of wine-”
“I only drank around a glass’s worth, the rest was already gone.”
“Fine then. Ya let me touch ya when we danced.” Atsumu finishes, breaking the heavy eye contact.
“I wanted you to.” Sakusa says.
Atsumu does a double take. “Ya, wha?” He says eloquently.
Sakusa chuckles. “Your accent comes out when you’re worked up, too. And yes, I wanted to dance.”
Atsumu stares at Sakusa for a long while, until Sakusa leans forward and flicks him in the forehead.
“Stop staring, idiot.” Sakusa says as he gets up and walks to the kitchen, leaving Atsumu blushing on the sofa.
Atsumu scrambles to follow him.
“Yer tellin’ me you wanted me to- you wanted to dance with me to a trashy 2000s pop song, completely sober?” Atsumu asks from the doorway while Sakusa fills a kettle full of water.
“Well, I guess I had a bit of a buzz, but I don’t regret anything.” Atsumu gapes as Sakusa switches the kettle on.
Sakusa looks at Atsumu and chuckles, “Your face is looking stupid again.”
Atsumu squawks, “My face is not stupid! And how do ya expect me to react, huh?”
Sakusa chuckles as he leans on the counter again. “Would you like some tea?” He asks.
“Nah, thanks.” Atsumu replies. “D’ya have ice cream, though?”
For the next couple of hours, Atsumu and Sakusa chat while they consume their respective treats. At one point, they both move to the living room and watch a game of volleyball together, each adding their own commentary (Sakusa’s was mainly ‘shut up, Atsumu’).
It was fun, and Atsumu ended up going home with a smile. When he called his brother that night, he was called a ‘sap’ and a ‘lover boy’ by Osamu and Suna - and he couldn’t even find the hatred in him to argue.
They decide to make it a routine - Atsumu and Sakusa. After practice they either hang out at Sakusa’s or Atsumu’s, although most of the time it was Sakusa’s. Sometimes they’d end up cooking dinner together, and other times they ended up splitting apart early because they couldn’t stop bickering with each other. But, no matter what argument they’d have, they’d always continue to practise and hang out with each other without fail.
Atsumu felt his heart warm whenever Sakusa said his name jokingly, and had to fight the urge to just straight up ask him to use Atsumu. There were multiple opportunities Atsumu could’ve taken to lean in for a kiss, but he remembered to keep the promise he’d made a couple of weeks ago: go at Sakusa’s pace.
So, here he was, at Sakusa’s apartment once again, in his kitchen once again, watching him cook once again.
“How long does the recipe say it should simmer for?” Sakusa asks, placing the lid on the pan he was just stirring.
“Let’s see,” Atsumu says, picking up Sakusa’s phone. “Ah, twenty minutes to half an hour.”
“Ok.” Sakusa says, setting a timer and turning on the bluetooth speaker in the kitchen. Trashy 2000s pop blasts through the speakers. Atsumu laughs.
Then he looks at Sakusa, who was staring intently at him. Atsumu swallows.
“Atsumu,” Sakusa says, “dance with me?”
Atsumu smiles, “Ok.”
This time, it’s Sakusa who steps closer. This time, it’s Sakusa who puts his hands on Atsumu’s hips. This time, it’s Sakusa who makes the rhythm.
Atsumu keenly follows, placing his hands around Sakusa’s shoulders. “Is this okay?” He asks.
Sakusa nods, and this time it’s him who’s too shy to look at the other’s face.
Atsumu smiles, and allows himself to just look at Sakusa’s face as they sway gently. Sakusa is in brighter, but gentler lighting this time. A soft glow of the natural light from the window kisses his face, and Atsumu wishes he was, too.
There was a faint sound of rain coming from outside, dripping on the window.
Atsumu smiles, he loves the rain, and maybe he loves Sakusa too.
Sakusa looks up finally, and meets Atsumu’s eyes. Atsumu smiles again, and leans in to rest their foreheads together.
They stay like that for a while, Atsumu closes his eyes, takes in the feeling, wishes it could last forever.
“Atsumu…” Sakusa says, just like before.
“Yes?” Atsumu asks, opening his eyes to stare at Sakusa’s lips, red and smooth and tempting. Sakusa’s tongue swipes along them quickly, making Atsumu swallow in giddy excitement.
The timer goes off.
“What the fuck?!” Atsumu yells, breaking apart from Sakusa so he could turn the damn thing off. Sakusa tends to the curry they were making, adding in final garnishes and tasting the broth.
“It’s ready.” He says, grabbing a couple of plates from the cupboard above him.
“Great. I’m fuckin’ starvin’ now.” Atsumu grumbles, causing Sakusa to give him a small smile. This guy.
Atsumu sits down and eats his curry quickly, burning his mouth multiple times in the process. It has the audacity to be delicious.
Once they were done with the meal, they loaded the dishwasher and migrated to the couch to watch the olympic figure skating together.
“Atsumu,” Sakusa finally says, “why haven't you kissed me yet?”
Atsumu chokes. “Wha? I mean I- Uh- do, did ya want to?”
Sakusa chuckles. “There's been several oppertunities you've missed, why?"
“Well, I - I was waiting for you ta do it, Omi.” Atsumu says shyly, looking at the ground.
“I’ve been flirting with you for a good month now, I was hoping you'd pull your own weight and do something about it.” Sakusa looks across the sofa, expectantly.
“I- hold on, a month?!” Atsumu squawks.
“Yes, one month.” Sakusa’s eye contact never waivers. “Do you not want to kiss me?” He says, rather pathetically.
Atsumu runs a hand down his face, this fucking guy.
“I- I do.” Atsumu sighs. “But I want to know how you’ve been flirtin' with me for a whole month!”
“I gave you a bottle of hand sanitiser, stopped insulting you during practice-”
“Hah, barely.” Atsumu interrupted. Sakusa glared at him.
“I invited you over, I went out with the team and I let you touch me.”
Atsumu simply stared at the man who was cross the sofa from him. If he had any braincells left, they were probably dying of embarrassment, and - hope?
“That’s what Komori told me to do, did it not work?” Sakusa asked innocently. This fucking guy.
“Oh, it worked.” Atsmu said, moving towards Sakusa’s end of the sofa. “Although, I can’t believe you like me enough to tell yer cousin about it.” Flirt mode engaged.
“Watch it.” Sakusa said, gazing up at Atsumu as he grew closer. “Or that ‘like’ will become past tense, Miya.”
“Oh, back to Miya now?” Atsumu said, taking a seat next to Sakusa. “Hmm, maybe I won't kiss you.” He said, looking away.
Sakusa caught his cheek, and forced his head back around to face him. Atsumu's eyes drifted down to his lips again, and then back up, a dare.
“Atsumu.” Sakusa said before diving in and pressing his lips against Atsumu’s. Atsumu immediately relaxed in his grip, tilting his head and moving his own hands to fit around Sakusa’s shoulders.
Sakusa gripped onto him like a lifeline, clutching his shirt and trying to pull Atsumu ever towards him. Atsumu tilted his head to the side, allowing the kiss to become less painful and more...
More like they were meant to fit together, as cringy as that sounds.
And then Sakusa let out a small sound - like a whimper, and god, Atsumu didn't care anymore. All he could care about was the fact that he was kissing Sakusa, someone who he thought would rather die then let Atsumu's mouth anywhere near him, and Atsumu was eagerly kissing back. Sakusa's tongue swiped across his bottom lip, impatiently asking for permission, to which Atsumu let out a small squeak.
Of course, Atsumu didn't deny him, because who could ever deny the Greek god of a man who was beneath Atsumu anything. But as soon as Sakusa's tongue entered his mouth it became too much, too quickly, and Atsumu began to feel incredibly hot. Atsumu made an attempt to slow down the kiss a little. Sakusa made a little whine at the development, which was completely not fair at all because how can one man be so incredibly cute?
As soon as the kiss slowed to a steady, rhythmic pattern, the tension in Sakusa's body eased. The curly haired boy brought his palm up to cup Atsumu's face gently - the gesture so full of love and softness and that ooey-gooey goodness that Atsumu thought he never cared about - but now that he has it...
Atsumu smiled, ruining the perfect form of their lips for a moment. Sakusa broke it apart and looked at him angrily.
“What?” Atsumu asked, still smiling.
“What are you smiling at?” Sakusa pouted, gaze flicking to Atsumu’s lips again.
“Am I not allowed to be happy, now?” Atsumu asked, tilting his head a little.
Sakusa grabbed his collar and pulled Atsumu in again, diving in for another passionate kiss. Atsumu couldn’t help but smile again.
“Stop it.” Sakusa said against his lips. Atsumu laughed. Sakusa broke away again, resuming his rediculous pout.
“Aw, I’m sorry, Omi.” Atsumu said, stroking his spiker’s hair. Sakusa looked up at him, not bothering to hide the utter adoration in his eyes. It was all for Atsumu.
Atsumu pressed their foreheads together and closed his eyes, feeling a blush racing up his neck. He sighed "I can't look at ya when yer bein' this damn cute, Omi."
Sakusa blushed, bringing his lips closer to brush over Atsumu's cheek. "Don't you dare call me cute, Atsumu."
Atsumu opened his eyes, grabbing Sakusa's face in both his hands. "I can't, Omi, I like ya too much."
Sakusa's eyebrows knitted back together, mumbling something under his breath as he looked away from Atsumu.
"What was that, Omi-kun?" Atsumu grinned smugly.
"Not saying." Sakusa pouted. Atsumu wanted to kiss it off him.
So he pecked his spiker's forehead. Then both his cheeks. Then his temples. Then his cute little nose. Then the two corners of his mouth, to which Sakusa kept trying to center his lips and Atsumu's lips together, eager for a proper kiss. Then Atsumu attacked his chin, and the bridge of his nose.
"Tell me." Atsumu demanded. Sakusa shook his head.
Atsumu attacked again, only this time more roughly and irregularly, causing both of them to tip over on their sides, lying in a tangle on the sofa. "Tell me." Kiss. "Tell me." Kiss. "Tell me." Kiss. "Tell me." Kiss. "Tell me." Kiss.
Sakusa giggled - giggled, at Atsumu's antics, and when Atsumu started squeezing his cheeks together and kissing the rediculous fish-mouth Sakusa had, he shoved a hand over Atsumu's mouth.
"Jesus, calm down." Sakusa grumbled with his cheeks still pressed together. He moved his hand to Atsumu's hair, allowing Atsumu's laughter to ring out across his apartment.
"Ya look so funny all angry like that." Atsumu released his grip on Sakusa's cheeks, staring into the other's eyes with a smile on his face.
"I like you too, Atsumu." Sakusa said, breathlessly. Atsumu stroked his thumbs over Sakusa's cheeks as his smiled widened. Curse the stupid butterflies in his stomach.
“Omi-Omi,” Atsumu said, closing his eyes, “can I stay over?”
“Only if I get to kiss you again.” Sakusa said, and Atsumu smiled.
“Of course.” Atsumu agreed, pecking Sakusa on the lips again.
That night, Atsumu thinks:
I do love you, Kiyoomi.