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Adrien jolted up in his bed, panting heavily. He fisted his blanket, blinking rapidly to make sense of his environment. Darkness surrounded him, but he could see the lights from outside seeping in through the cracks in his curtains. He received some semblance of a regular breathing pattern, his hand extending behind him to blindly search on his bedside table for his phone. He hadn’t had the chance to pull his glasses on, which made searching through his contacts a lot harder once he’d grabbed hold of the phone, but finally, he found Nino’s name and pressed the call button. He rocked back and forth as he waited for him to pick up, trying to soothe his rapid heart rate.
Instead of hearing Nino’s tired, gravelly voice, he heard a soft, feminine yawn and a small, “Adrien?”
Adrien held the phone away from his face, trying to make out the letters since it was easier for him to see from farther away. Shit, he hadn’t clicked Nino’s name, he’d clicked…
“Marinette,” he replied breathlessly. “Shoot, were you asleep?”
“Luckily for you, I was awake finishing an assignment. Why are you awake?”
“I… I had an issue, and my glasses weren’t on, so I called the wrong person. I’m sorry for wasting your time—”
She cut him off before he could continue to apologize. “What’s your issue?”
Adrien gulped, his hands drumming nervously against his knee. She was the last person he wanted to tell about his issues. Not because he didn’t trust her—he’d sacrificed his life on several occasions in faith that she’d always bring him back—and not because he thought she couldn’t help him—she was most often his backbone, the driving force that helped him move onward. He didn’t want to tell her because he was embarrassed.
Defeating Hawk Moth was supposed to be a breath of fresh air, not something that sent him in a downward mental spiral that made him anxious twenty-four/seven. He hadn’t expected that he wouldn’t be able to sleep nearly every night.
Then again, Hawk Moth wasn’t supposed to be his father.
He knew that Marinette was now living the life she’d always wanted: going to ESMOD, learning from some of the best fashion designers in history, not having to worry about Akuma attacks disrupting anything… He didn’t want to tell her he was hurting because he didn’t want to ruin the perfect life she was diligently creating for herself. His feelings for her may be unrequited, but he loved her too much to ruin something she rightfully deserved by dumping all of his baggage onto her.
“Couldn’t sleep,” he simply answered.
“Aw, man, I hate it when that happens,” Marinette replied, and Adrien heard rustling come from her end of the line.
He nodded, then realized that she couldn’t see his gesture. “Yeah, for sure.”
“Yeah, it probably sucks more for you than it does for me.” She giggled quietly. “You literally go to bed at ten-thirty every night.”
Adrien laughed. “Okay, I can stay up later if I want to!”
“Can you, though?” Marinette teased, and Adrien could practically envision her prideful smirk. “Remember Nino’s New Year’s party and how you promised yourself that you’d stay up until midnight, only to crash on the couch at 11:52?”
Adrien scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Okay, I partially think that was because I was drunk.”
“Adrien, you hadn’t touched a single alcoholic drink that night. You were literally sipping on Capri Suns the entire night.”
“At least I have good taste in beverages.”
She giggled, a melodic sound that instantly calmed Adrien’s panicked nerves, shaking away all the apprehension and disorientation he’d woken up with. “Yeah, right. You know, I’m surprised you’re awake right now, to be honest.”
Adrien’s smile dropped slightly, and he decided against telling her that he couldn’t go back to sleep because he was too afraid to have nightmares again. They were tarnishing, utterly mortifying, and they were always about the same thing. He would always be dressed in his Chat Noir suit, on his knees with Ladybug mere inches away from him, her back to him. He’d crawl over to her, carefully shaking her shoulder in an attempt to get her to move. But she wouldn’t budge, her eyes closed and the large gash in her stomach oozing out a pool of blood that she was laying on.
Sometimes, he’d wake up before he could see her, and others he’d be sitting there in his dream, holding her lifeless body and sobbing. When he woke up, he occasionally had to resist the urge to call her, to hear her voice, just so he could make sure she was still alive and breathing. No matter how many times he saw the dream, he would wake up just as shaken as the night before. It was like an endless loop that kept repeating in his head, and he desperately wanted to escape it.
“You know what I do when I can’t sleep?” Marinette prompted, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Adrien let out a breath, shaking his head to stay focused. “What do you do?”
“Well, I do have a few tactics. When I was little and couldn’t sleep, Maman would take me to the kitchen and she’d boil me a glass of milk. I’d drink the whole glass and eat a couple chocolate-chip cookies. I don’t why that always seemed to work, but it did. I slept like a baby those nights.”
Adrien’s heart warmed as he envisioned Marinette’s words. That sounded sweet; he missed having moments like that with his mother. “What are the other methods?”
“Well,” she paused for a moment, “I also like thinking about good memories. You know, like funny moments with Alya and Nino, going on rooftop races after patrols with you?”
Adrien’s heart did a happy little backflip in his chest, and he grinned dopily. He was relieved that they weren’t doing a video chat because it would’ve been even more embarrassing for Marinette to see the lovestruck effect she had on him. It brought joy to him knowing that he had given her happy memories as well, and those helped create a positive mindset in her mind that let her fall asleep with a smile on her face.
God , he loved her too much.
“That’s sweet,” he said.
“You’re sweet,” she countered, and Adrien felt his cheeks heat up steadily until they were practically burning. “You know, I do have one more tactic, and I think this one might help you the most.”
“Fire away.”
“I have these playlists full of calming music that I listen to before bed, and sometimes I fall asleep with them on. They’re really good at helping me relax and unwind. Want me to send you one of them?”
Adrien grinned. “Sure, why not? We’ll see if it actually works.”
“If it does, let me know when you get bored of this one. I have, like, so many more.”
Only one thought repeated in Adrien’s mind. She’s so amazing.
And after Adrien was actually able to end his easy conversation with Marinette, he put in his Airpods, put the music on a sleep timer, and pressed play, letting the calming music fill his ears as he drifted off into a peaceful, uninterrupted sleep.
He had a smile on his face as he dozed off, and he only had good dreams, those of all the times he’d shared with his lady.
Ever since then, Marinette had been sending him a new playlist every few days, attaching a little note at the end like, ‘Sleep Well <3’ or ‘Sweet dreams, Kitty’. They were standard messages, exchanged between essentially anyone and everyone, but the fact that Marinette was telling him these things was enough to make happy little butterflies fly around in his stomach.
They were having constant conversation, sometimes late at night and long enough for them to still be awake at three in the morning. At first, Adrien had found himself embarrassed for misclicking and calling Marinette by accident, yet now, he was so thankful for the opportunity it had brought him. They’d started spending more time together and were getting to know each other better. He didn’t think he’d ever been this close with Marinette in the past.
However, he still hadn’t told her why he couldn’t sleep that night. His mind was becoming a war zone, a constant debate about whether or not she should know. On one hand, his nightmares were becoming less and less frequent, but on the other, she deserved to know the truth.
Maybe he’d actually work up the courage to tell her, one day, and when he did, he’d tell her everything. About his nightmares, about his feelings for her, about his fears for the future and of himself. She had always been accepting of him in the past, and nothing convinced him that she would act any differently now; if he did decide to tell her, he was certain that she wouldn’t outcast or hate him for it.
Yet, for some reason, he still found himself unable to formulate the confession whenever he tried, his fears holding him back like a ball and chain. Why? She was there for him through thick and thin, in sunshine and in rain, during Akuma fights or while they were trying to pass final exams. So much of his life in the last few years had revolved around her. Him loving Ladybug. Getting over Ladybug, only to fall in love with Marinette. Using her as his support system, his comfort, and making sure she knew that she could do the same with him. In theory, he should’ve had absolutely no problem telling her about his messed-up head and even worse mental health.
The routine was always the same. When he decided he was done with his coursework for the night, he would change into a pair of loose sweats and an old t-shirt, and snuggle into bed, eagerly awaiting Marinette’s timely ‘good night’ call.
He hugged tightly to a Chewbacca plushie he’d received from Marinette just a week prior. She had given it to him the day after she found out he was a big Star Wars fan, claiming that it would help him sleep better because, in her words, “hugging stuffed animals was the number one ticket to dream town”. Adrien cherished it with all his heart and soul because, yes, it was adorable, and because the girl he loved more than anything in the world had spent her hard-earned cash on him.
In all seriousness, it had helped him. He found it comforting to hug it and pretend it was Marinette hugging him and calming him down, telling him it would be alright. Weird analogy, but it worked nonetheless.
As if on cue, his phone rang, showing a sweet photo of Marinette on the screen. A giddy grin on his face, he gingerly picked his phone up and swiped left, answering the call. He held the phone in front of his face, watching as she appeared on the other side of the screen. He shifted to prop his head up on one elbow, running a hand through his hair to make it neater and adjusting his glasses so they were straight.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” she said, smiling at him. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, some strands left down and framing her face, though he couldn’t tell if that detail was intentional or not. Whatever the case, she looked absolutely beautiful. “What are you up to?”
“Memorizing the French Constitution,” Adrien said. “Apparently, part of the job description of being a lawyer is having the bulk of it committed to memory. Well, at least the amendments.”
“You’re doing great, Chaton,” Marinette reassured him, and when Adrien furrowed his eyebrows, she added, “Really, you are. I hope you know how proud I am of you.”
“I’m proud of you too,” he responded, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“I’m also proud,” she continued, “because you did say that you’ve been able to fall asleep now.”
“I did.” Adrien grinned. “Only because of you. Those playlists really are magical, just like you said.”
“Adrien Agreste, when have you ever known me to lie?”
Adrien’s lips curled into a smirk. He thought of a multitude of snarky retorts that he could use against her. Finally choosing one that he thought would impact the most, he opened his mouth, only to have Marinette waving her arms frantically.
“You know what? Don’t answer that!”
“But what if I want to?”
Her eyes narrowed, a sinister smile playing at her lips. “I will leave his call and stop supplying you with my magical playlists. You know, I might even take away that Chewbacca plushie of yours.”
Adrien pulled the plush to himself, clutching it tighter, even though he knew Marinette was no where near him and had remotely no methods of taking it back. “You wouldn't dare.”
“Oh, but I would.”
“You monster!”
“Let the night of video games and excessive snacking begin!” Marinette proclaimed when she skipped into his apartment, holding a bag of chips in one hand and a two-liter bottle of coke in the other.
Adrien laughed at her enthusiasm, finding it the most adorable thing in the world. Yet, the second she sat on his couch, that enthusiasm morphed into a competitive fire burning in his eyes, that made him mildly afraid but still so awed.
“Are you ready to have your butt kicked?” She asked when he sat beside her.
Adrien shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I’ve gotten better, you know.”
They’d played, and even Marinette had to admit that he was getting better and putting up more of a fight. Yet, his fight was never enough to beat her. They’d played nearly fourteen games before Adrien got his first win, and when he did, he shot his hands up, yelling, “Hah! In your face!”
In response, he expected to get a snarky comment or sarcastic retort of some sort but instead, he got…snoring?
He looked down, finding his lady asleep, her head against his arm. He smiled softly, his heart melting at the serene look on her face. How had he not noticed that she was asleep earlier? Maybe he’d been too into the game to notice, but that explained why he’d won. An awake Marinette would’ve never given him that pleasure.
He gathered her in his arms, knowing better than to let her sleep on the couch and undoubtedly have a crick in her back the next morning. He took her to his bed and tucked her in. Adrien laid by her side, watching her sleep for a moment before finally giving in to the urge to move her bangs aside and press a soft kiss to her forehead.
“Sweet dreams,” he whispered, knowing full well she couldn’t hear him.
After shutting off the television and cleaning up a bit, Adrien slipped into the opposite side of the bed, maintaining his distance so that she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable when she woke up.
He closed his eyes, holding tightly onto his stuffed animal, hoping that he’d be granted proper sleep for the night.
He wasn’t.
Nearly an hour later, Adrien was tossing and turning in bed, seeing that same vision that always seemed to haunt him no matter how much time passed. He jolted up, his chest heaving and tears springing from his eyes.
It was a familiar story, one he knew much too well. His mind flooded with nervous thoughts, his heart rate increasing exponentially. His hands reached up and tightly gripped at his hair. He began rocking back and forth, his knees brought to his chest, mumbling the same words over and over again.
“Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go…”
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered that she was okay, that she’d just been playing video games with him a few hours prior and making him lose terribly. Yet, despite knowing that, whenever he woke up after a nightmare, all rational thoughts seemed to fly out the window. His mind was disoriented, and the rest of his body was going at a frenzy, moving at its own accord.
“Adrien?”
Adrien looked back, feeling a tidal wave of relief crash over him at the sight of her. She was there, sitting beside him, and she was okay. Tired and groggy, but okay.
That was all that mattered; that was all he needed.
He crashed into her, pulling her into a tight hug and burying his face in the crook of her shoulder, her tears staining the collar of her shirt.
“What happened?” She asked gently, comfortingly running her hand through his hair to calm him down.
“Nightmare,” he mumbled between sobs, his mental strength too weak to lie to her. He’d been trying so hard to not let her know that this happened to him, but now that she’d woken up to him crying, there was no point in hiding it any longer.
“Oh, dear,” she whispered. “Has this happened before?”
He nodded, continuing to cry, his chest heaving with uneven breaths.
“Adrien…” Her ministrations paused for a moment. “Is this why you couldn’t sleep?”
“Shit,” he mumbled, moving away. “I didn’t want you to find out.”
“You should’ve said something.” Her eyebrows furrowed, and she pulled him close again, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. “Oh my god, Chaton; you should’ve said something.”
She sounded more scared than she did mad, and something about that comforted Adrien. She wasn’t mad at him for holding out at her; no, she was only frightened for his well-being. Marinette was so kind and considerate in that way.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I was scared,” he confessed. “I was scared of what you'd think of me. We were supposed to be happy after Hawk Moth was defeated, but I wasn’t happy, and I—” he hiccuped on a sob, “—I didn’t feel at peace with…anything.”
Marinette opened her mouth to speak but shut it again, nonverbally telling him that he could finish explaining.
“And…I’m a mess. I know I am. And the night I called you… Yes, I did have a nightmare that night. I hadn’t meant to call you, though. But your name was right next to Nino’s, and I didn’t have my glasses on, so I couldn’t see, and yeah; I called you instead. But, Marinette, I loved talking to you, and I loved falling asleep listening to those playlists. I thought… I thought I didn't even have to tell you because the nightmares weren’t happening as much.”
He took another breath, wiping away some of the tears with the back of his hand. It felt therapeutic to let all of it out, even if he didn’t know what the outcome would be. “Marinette, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to lose that time we spent together. Yes, it was stupid, but I just wanted an excuse to hear your voice because—you have the other boy, I know—but my feelings for you haven’t ever changed. They’ve never changed.”
Her mouth was agape, but she still didn’t speak.
“Yeah, you probably don’t like me back, but I just… I’m sorry. I had to get it all out.”
She hugged him even tighter, almost knocking the air out of him. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, Chaton.”
What she’d really meant to say is that she loved him too.
Adrien was simply studying in a café a few days after he’d told Marinette, and he hadn’t heard much from her. She still sent him playlists whenever she made new ones and texted him every morning to see if he slept well.
He didn’t know what else to say, so he always said yes.
It scared him, frankly. What did she think of him now? Was she mad that he held the truth out from her?
The bell rang, alerting the whole store that someone had walked in. Adrien looked up without any reason, his eyes trailing on the person who walked in.
Marinette.
He kept his gaze strictly on her as she ordered her coffee and waited five minutes before she got it. She was about to walk out, but she caught his eye as well and began walking toward him, a smile on her face. “Hey,” she said, pointing to the other seat at his table. “Is that taken?”
He shook his head, keeping his eyes on his laptop so he wouldn’t have to look at her.
“You okay? I haven’t heard much from you since…”
“Yeah.”
She sucked in a breath, and Adrien winced at the awkward tension plaguing the air around them. They’d spent so much time together, but they’d never been this awkward. At least, not as far as he could remember. The soft jazz and the chatter around them set the backdrop to their discomfort.
“I'm proud of you,” she said, breaking the silence. “You know, for everything.”
Adrien looked back up at her, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Like, not many people could go through what you did and be as cheerful as you are. You’re strong, Adrien, but you also need to know that you have people there for you to lean on. I wish you would’ve told me about this sooner, but… I am glad you trusted me enough to tell me, in the end. Thanks for that.”
“You know I trust you more than anything. I didn’t tell you, well, because…”
“You don’t have to explain yourself; I get it.” She flashed him a smile that told him she meant what she said, without any sarcastic or annoyed undertones. She looked down, her eyes glancing at her phone. “Yeah, if I don’t leave now, I’m going to be late to my design lecture, but, you know,” Marinette leaned closer, whispering, “there is one more playlist that I thought you should listen to. I don’t know if it’s necessarily calming, but it could bring you some closure.”
Adrien snorted. “How would a playlist bring my closure?”
“Music has the power to touch the hearts and minds of many, Chaton; I don’t think you should underestimate its power.” Marinette looked down, pulling her phone out of her purse with one hand and tossing her braid over her shoulder with the other. “Just… Will you listen to it?”
“You’re asking me to, so of course, Bug. What’s so special about this one, though? I’m sure it can’t be that different from all your others. You’ve sent me, like, twenty, at this point.”
Marinette tapped on her phone screen a few times. Shifting off the seat she was sitting at, she began to readjust the strap on her purse and collected all her belongings. “I believe you’d find out once you go through the songs and listen to them. It’s…hard to explain, but easy to understand. Listen to it whenever you want, I don’t care when, but I just want to know when you’re done?”
“Yeah, but you still didn’t answer my—”
“You’ll find out,” she answered simply. “I’ll be at my apartment if you’ll need me.” She leaned down, pressing a parting kiss to his cheek before departing from the café. Through the window, he saw her pause a moment, pressing a button on her phone before switching it back off and putting it in her purse.
As if on cue, Adrien’s phone vibrated in his jacket pocket, and he pulled it out to see a message with a link to the newest Spotify playlist. Normally all the others had a name conditioned to fit the nighttime theme, such as ‘Starry Nights’ or ‘Dreamland’. He’d seen twenty different variations of the same theme, but he’d never seen something like this.
Thirty songs, two hours long, and titled ‘For Adrien <3’.
Curious, he pulled out his Airpods from his messenger bag, drumming his fingers against the tabletop as he made sure they were connected to his phone. Then, he sucked in a breath, his finger, for some reason, shaking as he hit play.
The first song played, a song with sweet lyrics and even sweeter music. Adrien instantly felt calmer, not knowing why on Earth he was feeling so nervous. Maybe it was Marinette’s unusual demeanor or maybe it was the semblance of mystery that surrounded her quick disappearance, but that worry Adrien felt dissipated. He returned back to his work.
However, as he continued to go through the playlist, one song passing after the one before it concluded, he found himself dwelling more on the music than on his work. He set down his pen and shut his laptop, pulling out his phone and scrolling through all the songs in the playlist.
Contrary to his prior belief, this playlist wasn’t like any of the ones before. Normally, Marinette created them based on the genre of music or the tone of the song, but this was a giant potluck of music that had absolutely nothing in common…except for the fact that all the songs had to do with one thing specifically.
Love.
Adrien went back to his texts with Marinette, trying to find some clues or virtually anything that would help him figure out exactly what she was implying because she was right, this playlist would bring him all the closure; all the closure he could ever need and more.
Luckily for him, there was another message underneath the link to the playlist, one he hadn’t read yet. He read it eagerly, trying to find the words in between the lines and figure out exactly what was going on.
[Mari <3] I hope this helped you make sense of at least some of the uncertainties in your life. When you figure out what the playlist means, come find me.
You mean everything to me, Adrien, and I hope you don’t ever forget that.
Heart beating rapidly in his chest, he stuffed his laptop and his book back into his bag, making sure he had all his belongings before leaving in haste.
It had been his mistake to make use of the warm weather and walk to the café because now he was practically running down the sidewalks, pushing past people in order to get to Marinette’s apartment as fast as possible. Luckily, his years of running across rooftops had prepared him for this moment and built his stamina, so the one-kilometer run to her place hadn’t been too much of a hassle.
His heart hammered so fast that Adrien wondered if he was going to have a heart attack or pass out. He hoped he hadn’t misread the message she was trying to convey. He could be wrong, and he could possibly look like a fool in front of Marinette when she told him that he was wrong, and that apprehension only seemed to grow when thoughts like those popped into his head. The blood coursing through his veins was filled with a concoction of adrenaline and nervous energy, a deadly combination that Adrien never knew how to manage despite dealing with it more times than he could count.
Finally, he made it to her third-floor apartment, his face flushed and beads of sweat formulating on his forehead. Messily, Adrien reached up, wiping his face with his arm to rid it of the sweat. Knocking on the door with one hand, he ran his other hand through his hair, trying to pull himself together before Marinette would open the door and see him in such a disheveled state.
He steadied his breathing, rocking back and forth as he shifted his weight between the balls of his feet and his heels, his hand nervously fidgeting with the strap of his bag.
He waited less than a minute before Marinette opened the door, a nervous smile on her face. “Hi.”
“What did it mean?” Adrien asked, not bothering with small talk. He was ninety-five percent sure about what the answer was, but there was still that little, nagging voice in his head that was telling him that he was wrong, and that scared him. He would rather hear it from Marinette than make a fool out of himself by telling her the wrong assumption.
“Wasn’t able to figure out what it was?”
“I did… I just…” He sighed. He knew better than to hide the truth from her; the last time she’d found out one of his secrets, she’d handled it better than he expected and let him know that he wasn’t crazy for feeling that way. There was no point in hiding things from her, not when he knew that she’d find out eventually. “I want to hear you say it.”
“Well,” Marinette leaned closer. “I want to hear what you think it is.”
“Do you…” Adrien looked down, a hand coming up to rub the nape of his neck. “Do you like me?”
Marinette shook her head, and Adrien could’ve sworn his heart broke a little bit. He should’ve known not to get his hopes up because there was no way someone as special as Marinette would ever have a place in her heart for him.
“I’d say a little more than just ‘like’,” she mumbled shyly.
Adrien’s head shot up, his eyes wide. “What?”
“I have for a really long time, Adrien, both as yourself and as Chat Noir. And that night you had that nightmare, and you told me everything… I couldn’t help but wonder why you thought no one loved you. I wanted to stop you from thinking that way and putting yourself down like that. And yeah, it’s cheesy, but I was like, ‘hey, Adrien likes grand gestures, so I might make him a playlist that tells him exactly what my feelings for him are and give it to him with no context and hope he figures out how I feel, so he can finally realize that someone is out there that will always, always support him’.” She looked him straight in the eye. “I will always, always support you. No matter what.”
Adrien was in awe. Her words lingered in his head, making his heart full to the brim with love for her. “Why didn’t you say anything before?”
“Adrien,” she giggled, “you might’ve not told me about your nightmares, but I knew you were affected by your father’s unmasking. You had a lot on your plate, and I didn’t want to be bothersome.”
“You could never be bothersome.” He boldly reached out and grabbed both of her hands. “Thank you for picking up my call that night, and thank you for sticking by my side. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell you how much any of this meant to me.”
“I know you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat.”
Adrien grinned. She invited him inside, and they talked a little more, getting their feelings in order. It was funny to him, frankly. How they’d gotten closer, and even confessed their love to each other, all because of playlists. Science proved that music was a powerful thing, but he never expected this to happen because of it.
And when Marinette finally kissed him, he couldn’t be more thankful he called the wrong person.