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*His actual name is Shuji Tsushima but he changed his name to Dazai Osamu after he joined the mafia

*He originally is an orphan from russia

*He met Fyodor in russia because they were both criminals (you know stealing stuff, maybe 1 or 2 murders etc.)

*They actually got along pretty well

*He got adopted at the age of 10

*His adoptiv parents were japanese so he had to leave russia so that he could go to japan with them

*They were involved in some port mafia buissnes and were killed

*The previous boss took care of him after that (let me tell ya he aint a good parent)

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*Chuuya has a cult

*Dazai thought it was funny to let Chuuya have a cult since he's a god

*Dazai just knocked on the doors of port mafia members and forced them to join the cult

*The cult has their own bible, meeting place, offerings and they are currently working on making a small church

*Chuuya actually doesnt know about this

*He just randomly has gifts lying by his front door(given to him by the cult)

*Most of the gifts are really exspensiv wine and hats

*He honestly doesnt care who gave him the presents

*The cult is about to make a literally religion

*Chuuya being the god of said religion

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*Elise didnt really like Dazai when he first joined the mafia

*She started liking him after they pulled a prank on Mori together

*Elise: i hate to say it but you're the only one left to ask so-
Dazai: YES! Obviously i will pull a prank on Mori!!!
Elise with literall stars in her eyes: lets goooo!!!!

*After that they both kind of formed a sibling realationship

*Elise would not go outside unless Dazai was with her

*They both really like to prank others, draw, sweets and annoy Mori

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*Since Dazai is always with them(because of Elise) he formed a good bond with him

*He often tries to get rid of the trauma that the previous boss left

*He's kinda like a father figure

*But he isn't really good at it becaue taking care of teenagers is hard

*And doing it as a single dad is even worse

*He buys Dazai anything that he wants

*So Dazai became kinda spoiled

*But Mori made sure not to do the same mistake as he did with Elise and spoil him too much

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*Dazai wanted to annoy Mori so he asked Fyodor as a joke if he wanted to marry him

*Fyodor said yes cause annoying Mori is fun

*They had an actual legal wedding

*Even got the rings and everything

*They did it in a park and everybody who wanted was invited

*Ranpo was actually there cause of the sweets and since he was in the park and thought why not

*They made a selfie and send it to Mori after the wedding

*He was FURIOUS

*He destroyed his phone and gave Dazai house arrest for months

*Now everytime Kunikida confronts him about flirting with women he just gets his ring out and complains about it while Ranpo confirms that, yes, he is in fact married

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Spoiler for anyone that doesnt know of the manga!

*Dazai has the book

*He was to one to write in it and create Sigma

*He knew that Sigma will be usefull when he has to break out of prison (tbh he knows so much to the extent that i think he's god)

*Since he already knew Fyodor and his routine since he stayed with him for 2 years before joining the ada (another hc of mine that i'll maybe post about) he knew how to get Sigma to Fyodor and have him not be killed off

*Dazai knew the creator of the book to atleast some extend and was tasked to take care of it

*He left the train ticked for Sigma as a distraction so he could escape the scene before Sigma noticed him

*Nobody other than Dazai knows that he was the one that wrote in it and is in possesion of it

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*Dazai decided to go to russia to escape the port mafia

*Decides to just fuck it and calls Fyodor

*Fyodor honestly didn't have anything better to do so he decided he would help Dazai

*Dazai then lived in Fyodors home for 2 years before thinking that he's now save from the pm

*They even recruited Nicolai together while Dazai was there

*Dazai thinks those were the 2 most calm years of his life and he relishes in the happy memories he made in russia

*Nobody knew that this happened other than Dazai, Fyodor and Nicolai

*They were very suprised to meet on opposing sides a couple years later

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spoilers if ya havent read the manga & watched s4

*Dazai & Fyodor could have gotten out of prison sooner if they wanted

*They just needed a break

*Dazai isn't rly sad that Chuyaa's a vampire now

*He thinks it's entertaining

*At least 10 guards quit their job bc Fyodor & Dazai are just that annoying

*Fyodor was legit just baffled that Dazai outsmarted him

*Also very impressed

*Dazai kinda wished that he was the one drowning but his ego was too big for that to happen

*Both of them just kinda forgot Chuyaa cause they be to ✨shoketh✨ that Dazais plan worked

*Dazai did indeed not expect his plan to work

*It's cool tho they don't care who dies

*They actually expected it lol

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*Fyodor will just randomly go into Dazais apartment

*or the agency

*or literally any place Dazai regularily visits

*he will NOT use the door

*yes the window will do an even better job

*afterall it's definitely more dramatic

*most of the time he honestly just needs Dazai to open a jar or something

*cause yk amenia's a bitch and sometimes you just have those days

*he somehow never gets caught

*even Dazai doesn't know how he does that

*it's one of the seven wonders of the world or sum'

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*Dazai will often ask Chuuya to give him a ride to literally anywhere

*Chuuya really doesn't want Dazai anywhere near his motorcycle

*he still drives Dazai

*Dazai also stays at Chuuyas place 5 out of 7 days

*he can't cook

*Chuuya can tho

*He basically lives there

*and Chuuya is so done with him

*but still tolerates him

*sometimes

*and only because he loves him

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*Verlaine was honestly scared of Dazai at first

*he warmed up tho

*Chuuya probably mentioned Dazai's ability in passing once

*like "Oh yeah and his annoying ability is called no longer human and blah blah blah"

*Verlaine just went "HOLD UP! 😶"

*Bro was flabbergasted

*legit thought he and Chuuya were the only non-humans

*for the sake of the non-existent plot he completely forgot Adam

*Chuuya def mentioned this conversation to Dazai

*next time Dazai just went to Verlaine and called him Nii-san cause he's a little shit

*Verlaine either burst out in tears or his overprotective brother mode activated

*Dazai was like 'wtf' but just accepted his faith

*cause Verlaine is a bigger piece of shit than Dazai

*now they just have calm conversations about being non-human

*Dazai has unofficially been adopted by Verlaine as little brother numbero 2

*Chuuya is not happy being the middle child

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*random ass girl just goes to the agency crying

*everybody's just like "You good?"

*girl prob said something like "The demon prodigy is threatening me"

*shows them a letter signed by the Demon Prodigy

*Dazai's like 'Oh hell naw, nobody making fun of me today'

*bro was pissed

* how DARE somebody make others think that he would stoop as low as threatening someone

*The agency still decided to take the case

*purely for the reason to 'fuck' with the pm

*Dazai just randomly left halfway through the mission

*went straight to Chuuya

*literally decided to reunite Soukoku simply cause he's petty like that

*Chuuya was all for it

*I mean, when do you get the opportunity to utterly mess (traumatize) with people?

*Dazai legit dug out his old outfit that he hadn't worn in like 4 years

*even asked Mori for a new coat just for this

*Mori was extremely delighted

*where do you think Dazai got his urges to mess with people from

*so with the agency, they literally just discovered the obviously fake Demon prodigy

*were so ready to arrest him

*and them BOOM!

*real demon prodigy and his partner legit just came out of the shadows

*like there was a portal or sum

*probs looked like they were merged with the shadows

*everybody else was just like 'wtf Dazai what are you doing with Chuuya and why do you look like that'

*Dazai just ignores them fr fr

*just starts glaring at the fake

*fake def pissed his pants

*then Dazai says something like

*"And why would a low-life like you decide to mock me"

*The agency faces literally just completely drain of colour

*Dazai is actually laughing inside

*and then yada yada yada

*fake is dead

*Dazai is happy

*and Chuuya and Mori are glad that they contributed to this

*the agency is just shook 'cause

*what do you mean the laziest member is actually feared throughout all of the underground???

*Dazai still laughs about this to this day

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*Dazai had connections to the pm before Mori

*there is just no way that anyone in the pm would allow him as a witness if it were otherwise

*when Mori said he was announced boss the others were just

*"How about no?"

*Dazai is the official pm boss

*Mori is simply a poster boy

*Dazai def runs the pm in the background

*he has plans for everything

*schedules for like the next 10 years

*he is officially just in retirement

*made Mori sign a contract when he left

*if he ever comes back he will instantly be boss again

*no questions asked

*he has full control

*but Mori is kinda useless

*definitely has missed at least two of the things on the schedule

*Dazai found out

*was honestly just really disappointed

*avid believer of the trigram system

*just barges into pm headquarters and went to 'Moris' office

*berated him for 5 hours straight

*Mori was hiding behind the desk and crying

*Elise was laughing

*Mori had not fucked up since

*Koyou keeps wondering why things are suddenly running so smoothly

*Chuuya def knows and smirks every time he sees Mori

*Dazai decided to just send Mori weekly info on the stock market and such

*Dazai is now just a hallucination hovering over Mori's shoulder every time he does paperwork

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*Chuuya was successfully merged with Arabahaki

*but like batshit crazy 'cause no control over his powers

*what do you do when you have a child with no control?

*obviously you get a child who DOES have control

*which child has that

*probably Dazai

*Dazai got kidnapped

*and just shoved in a room with Chuuya's tank

*he was like

*so is this like my job now?

*honestly just accepted fate at that point

*found it comforting to be needed by someone

*sometimes they would let Chuuya out

*he would just keep holding hands with Dazai

*they formed a very special bond because of this

*but yk Dazai is a little shit so he probs annoyed the scientist to no end

*on the day that Chuuya got freed he was like not at the lab

*lets be for real, it was a doctor's appointment

*came back to see lab just

*gone

*no longer exists

*wasn't sad 'cause I'm convinced that skk has telepathic abilities

*goes to Surubachi city at 15

*gets kicked into a wall

*about to go off on stranger

*sees the 'stranger' and his first reaction was legit

*"*long sigh of suffering* yo chibiko!"

*he gets punched in the face

*skk still sometimes just mention that they are lab experiments

*everybody else is just baffled

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*Dazai speaks Russian

*because of Fyodor (his husband)

*sometimes he gets calls from Fyodor and they will just converse in Russian

*Kunikida is always very confused

*when he asks Dazai he never gets a clear response

*Ranpo is silently laughing

*Dazai decided to just switch to speaking Japanese one day while talking to Fyodor

* 'insert conversations you would have with your husband'

*it has now become a bet on if you can guess which 'women' Dazai is married to

*Dazai has begun to purposefully make them think of anybody but Fyodor

*he enjoys the chaos

*Ranpo is smirking like the gremlin he is and Fukuzawa doesn't know if he should tell them the truth or continue to watch their misery

*he chose to watch

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*Dazai is smart

*and not oblivious

*unless it's with Chuuya

*'cause how can someone just be that expressive???

*and Chuuya just has total abandonment issues and doesn't know how some of the most common things

*like bread... (see what I did there)

*one day he just stumbles upon a wedding magazine

*he's just like "wtf is a wedding?"

*searches it up

*15 year old Chuuya now believes that marriage is the perfect solution to not get abandoned

*threatens a few officials and now he has wedding papers

*goes to Dazai and puts the papers on his desk

*Dazai was busy playing his video game so he just signed whatever Chuuya wanted him to

*Chuuya goes and threatens a few other government officials

*now the law states "It's illegal to be gay and marry/marry underage unless you're Chuuya Nakahara and Osamu Dazai Nakahara"

*Chuuya even went and bought rings

*gave one to Dazai

*who still has no clue what's happening but accepts anyways

*Dazai did not in fact know he was married until he needed his official papers for the agency and saw his martial status was married to a certain ginger

*bro was flabbergasted and confused

*but just accepted it

*now he leeches off of Chuuya with his 'husband' privileges

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*Mini Dazai tried to commit suicide

*got out alive but injured his eye

*his parents got him to a doctor

*doctor said the eye can't be saved

*Dazai now owns a glass eye

*which was the reason behind his bandages in the port mafia

*he didn't want people to know he has a glass eye

*the only ones that know are Mori

*supportive dad™

*and Chuuya

*talking while almost blackout drunk isn't a good idea buddy™

*when Dazai joined the agency he didn't tell them

*he ✨forgot✨

*one day he just takes out his eye 'cause he needs to clean it

*Atsushi almost faints

*Kunikida did faint

*Yosano is flabbergasted 'cause she didn't know about this

*and Ranpo is counting his bills because he made a bet with Dazai

*he won

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It had been a bad day in the ADA, only a few hours ago they completed a hard mission involving a powerful ability user misusing his ability to kidnap people.
They have now resigned themselves to the stacks of paperwork lying in the small office, or at least most of them resigned to their paperwork, Ranpo was not even bothering with the stacks in front of him, rather enjoying the snacks given to him by Atsushi, others like Dazai were lazing on the couch and Yosano was off in her small infirmary.

It was all in all a normal day. The sun starting to set and illuminating the office in a warm light.

That is until there was a frantic knocking on the office door, Junichiro, who was closest to the door opened it and was now staring at a young woman in the face, she seemed scared, if not outright terrified, tear streaks were seen on her face and her brown bob cut looked like she just out of bed; her breathing was heavy and her eyes looked all over the place.
After catching her breath she said in a broken voice.

"h-help, the Demon Prodigy, h-he is after me!"

That single sentence bathed the whole office in silence, even Kunikida, who had been calm all throughout her appearance dropped his pen on his work, blue ink splattered over the paper.
Atsushi, the only one who did not seem petrified at the monicker, looked confused and in a voice that felt way too loud in the silent office voiced his confusion.

"Demon Prodigy? Am I missing something? Who is that?"

That seemed to pull at least some out of their shocked state.

Kunikida adjusted the glasses sitting on his nose and flipped open a page in his notebook before looking back at Atsushi and answering the young adult's question,
"The Demon Prodigy was a rumored executive in the Port Mafia, who was told to have clawed from the deepest pits of hell itself, and the only reason he is only rumored to exist is that nobody that ever saw him came back alive to tell the story, although he was nothing to worry about since he seemingly disappeared four years ago", he muttered the last part of the sentence, sounding unsure.

At that the white-haired boy's head snapped back to the young woman at the door. The situation loomed over the agency, a heavy weight on their shoulder as Junichiro dared to ask for more information from the woman.

She told them more of her predicament, how she was a member of a wealthy family that used to have contacts within the Port Mafia, how she had woken up today and seen a fancy letter in her mailbox, stamped shut with red wax; she had thought nothing of it until she opened it and read it's contents, the Demon Prodigy had sent a threat to her home, apparently one of her contacts messed up and now she had to pay for it, be it with money or blood.
In a panic, she had sought out the famed Armed Detective Agency.

Now the members tried to calm her even if their hands were shaking and their blood ran cold. A short while later the agency chose to accept the case, knowing that they won't let the Port Mafia get away with this.

During all of this, there was one member silently watching from his place on the couch, his gaze was cold and seemed like it could look through your soul, the atmosphere around him felt darker than the midnight sky, drenched in bloodlust, and yet, he was seemingly invisible to his coworkers.

This member was furious, which was rare because he tolerated many things, like his dog's constant yapping and his 'bosses' never-ending demands, but, here he drew the line, the reputation he so carefully crafted over multiple years, the hard work he put into making his mask and making sure not to leave loose mouths behind; all destroyed in a single day, with a simple letter.

His eyes red, like all the blood he spilled, moved from the scene before him, looking at the phone he had taken out, only a single message illuminated the screen.

Osamu: How would you like to reenact the golden era

He did not wait for a reply, pocketing his phone again and smoothing his features as he stalked forward to the small group, acting like he was always standing there, putting on a reassuring smile and listening in on the conversation, putting some input where it was needed into the plan that has been created in the last few minutes.

After a while the others made their way out of the office, Kunikida looked back at Dazai who was furiously typing on his phone screen, it seemed like a heated conversation, deciding that he should get going he told Dazai with a loud "You stupid waste of nice bandages, get off the phone we need to get going!!!" Dazai, who didn't even seem surprised, simply groaned and turned off his screen before following Kunikida.

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On the way to the location mentioned in the letter the members of the agency were too engrossed in their discussion of the enemy that they did not notice the tall, brown-haired member of theirs slip away into an alley halfway through the long walk, moving through the alleyways with a speed and familiarity that would make his coworkers uneasy, weaseling around obstacles like a cat, elegant and efficient. Soon after came the back view of the most impressive buildings in Yokohama, the sunlight bathing them in a red hue.

He didn't even hesitate before going in through a hidden back door, speed-walking to a staircase around the corner, deeming the elevator too slow, he made his way to the top of the staircase in record time and hurried down the long hallway on the top floor, once reaching the end he pushed open the doors with as much strength as he could muster, making sure to make a dramatic entrance, the guards stationed at the sides of the big mahogany doors didn't even flinch.
Used to the behaviour of their most prominent member.

He stomped his way to the middle of the room, putting his hands on the table that resided there, the figure opposed to him looked up, seemingly unbothered by the sudden disturbance.

"Dazai-kun, a pleasure for you to show up" the figure said, resting their chin on their folded hands. Dazai simply scoffed and rolled his eyes "Don't act like you didn't read my message, I know you did Mori-san" he said, sitting on the table like a small child while the figure, now identified as Mori, smiled fondly and took a medium-sized box from his desk drawer shortly before the big doors were thrown open once again.

This time by a shorter mafia member with blazing red hair.

"Could you not have informed me to be here sooner mackerel, I want to be here when you open that box and get emotional like the bitch you are", the black-clad mafioso said in a mocking tone, "as if" Dazai answered to it before doing what was expected of him and opening the box that looked as old as an ancient relic.

Inside laid a black coat, the edges slightly worn from the repetitive wear, and when unfolded it looked just like when he last saw it, and despite what he said to Chuuya he was tearing up slightly.
After years of separation, it felt like a child got to hold their favorite stuffed toy again.

Both mafiosos smiled slightly at the ex-member with a pleasing glint in their eyes, happy to know that even if he was no longer part of the organization he could never part from the Mafia.

Several moments later they created their own plan, not wasting time as they had to be at the destination before the ADA made it, only a few minutes later and they had a full plan, the only thing left was the execution it.

Chuuya and Dazai made their way to the ground floor after, seeing a sleek black car pull up in front of the building, the front window was rolled down so they could see Hirotsu's exhausted expression staring at them before gesturing to the back of the car.
Not having to be told twice both partners hopped into the back seats before the car started up.
A small detour later, they had to get Dazai's old outfit from Chuuyas apartment where they had been stored for the past four years, and they were on their way.

Even after them wasting some time they still pulled up in front of the old, decaying warehouse that was the apparent meeting spot. Soukoku went in so that Hirotsu could park the car further away so as to not raise suspicion.

They only had to wait a few minutes, hidden in the dark shadows of the warehouse, before they could hear the agency arrive, even before the apparent 'Demon Prodigy' had made it.

Listening closely they could make out the slightly angered voice of Kunikida, complaining about Dazai ditching again. At that Chuuya gave him an unimpressed look that, even though it's dark, Dazai could feel.

Not even a second after that little fiasco they heard footsteps coming from the direction of the back door, it seemed like the fake Demon Prodigy was not as acquainted with staying silent as Dazai was, said man's expression darkened this just kept getting worse for him.
He could feel himself drill a hole into the back of the fake's head with his look as the stranger passed their hiding spot. Quite gasps were heard and somebody sniffled, the brown-haired woman Dazai deduced, as they silently watched the theatrics that this random person was pulling.

Deeming that enough time passed Dazai pulled out a pistol from inside his coat, shooting at the back of the person's head, only missing by a few millimeters.
Not moving out of the shadows he said in a voice so cold that it froze everyone's movement,

"That was a warning, do not try me again. I am not fond of people trying to mimic me"

The fake's body shook with terror as he slowly turned just to watch like everybody else, as Dazai and Chuuya, the real Demon Prodigy and his monsterous partner, stepped out of the shadows.
Dazai's eyes shone red like rubies under the moonlight that had crept its way over the horizon.

The one that tried to copy him was now in tears with shaking knees, begging to be spared to which Dazai answered with a cold

"This time I will allow it."

Watching as the other one scrambled to their feet and tried running to the exit before a bullet fizzed out of Dazai's pistol and landed in the other man's head.
The body dropped to the ground, creating its own puddle of red to rest in as Dazai put the pistol back into its place.
Dazai leveled the corpse with a look of distaste.

"I never said how I would spare"

His tone dripped with mockery like the fresh blood dripping from his victim's head.
The silence that surrounded them was heavy the agency did not know what to say as they watched someone who they thought could do no wrong, kill like it was second nature, like he was born to do so. Born in the dark, living in the dark, and thriving in the dark; they were petrified.

Not long after Ranpo's voice rang through the silence, complaining how it seemed unfair that Dazai's little stage-play of law-abiding citizen was destroyed just like that.

The others slowly came out of their shocked state, not voicing complaints, scared that the cracks in their voice would alert Dazai of their feelings in this situation, yet they did not know that their silence spoke volumes.
Kunikida, who had trusted Dazai the most, felt betrayed maybe even bewildered, for he realized that if Dazai could fool them now, he could fool them again.

The agency has not felt the same ever again and somewhere in a dark corner of the city, hidden in an alleyway is a bar dimly lit with yellow lighting, playing a calming tune for its visitors, there sit three men, one as familiar with this place as with the back of his hand as he showed the other two, a man in a hat with eyes that hide a storm and a man with hair as black as charcoal and a scarf as red as blood, the footage he made today the one he only ever made for memorial purpose.

And as they sat there the man bound with bandages thought that, yes, today has been a good day.

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*Dazai & Chuuya aren't orphans (this is canon)

*big shocker ik

*but everybody else is

*Ranpo. Dead parents

*Atsushi. Dead parents

*the Akutagawas. Dead parents

*and so on

*Soukoku finds this hilarious

*like wdym the most parentless acting people actually have parents???

*they make fun of the others

*because they can

*everybody is suffering and Soukoku is rocking to the song 'orphan tears'

*it's a good song

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*Mori forced Dazai to get braces

*Dazai probs fell on his face and got crocked teeth from it

*he absolutely refused to get them

*Mori was fr playing with death himself while trying to get Dazai to a dentist

*or whoever does braces, idk

*in the end Dazai was not fast enough to run

*he got clear bands

*he wanted colorful ones but also did not want anybody to notice the braces

*Chuuya noticed instantly like 0.1 seconds after Dazai returned

*still makes fun of him to this day

*Dazai def had a lisp because of the braces

*he hated it

*tried to get rid of them a few times

*absolutely failed

*luckily got them removed 2 to 3 years later

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*Dazai has very pretty nails

*they are on the longer side

*if he's anxious he bites on his lip and not his nails

*he does not take care of them tho

*like filing them or some'

*Chuuya does that

*like they have dinner together sometimes (I might elaborate on this in the future)

*and Chuuya's a fast eater so he gets done first (again, I may elaborate later)

*but Dazai is really slow at eating so Chuuya gets bored

*spots Dazais nails and a light bulb goes on in his head

*finds a random nail file

*and just takes Dazais hand

*Dazai on the couch and Chuuya on the ground in front of the couch

*Dazai was confused af the first time but just let it be

*now Chuuya takes care of Dazais nails

*he even bought some oils that are good for the nails and cuticles after the first few times

*Dazai now always has immaculate nails

*never dirty and always a nice length 

*everybody is jealous and Chuuya is proud of his work

*Dazai still refuses nail polish though

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*Chuuya sometimes makes Dazai a bento box

*but only if he 

*A. has leftover food

*B. gets tired of Dazai stealing his food

*or C. notices that Dazai hasn't eaten in a while and that it's starting to affect his performance on missions

*Mori 100% approves of this habit

*very proud of Chuuya

*Dazai also likes the bentos

*'cause Chuuya always stuffs some crab in there

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*Dazai knows how to play the e-guitar

*Mori bought him one and he has been determined to annoy everyone with it ever since

*though he could do the same to Chuuya

*well bitch thought wrong

*Chuuya adored it

*bro has never been more fascinated by something before

*Chuuya also apparently knows how to sing

*let's be honest, he has a majestic but cool voice

*he rolls his r's and I love it

*anyways

*totally forced Dazai to play for him while he sings

*Dazai thought that since it would still annoy everybody it would be cool

*they probs did a mini concert of like Custer by Slipknot

*Mori has never regretted buying Dazai that guitar more than that day

*Kouyou is officially out for Mori's head

*Team Soukoku: 1 

*Team rest of the PM: 0

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*Mori does not know how to raise a child properly

*bro basically grew up in the war so it's understandable

*it makes him kinda ptotective

*he always looks after his younger executives

*cough Chuuya & Dazai cough

*cough mainly Dazai cough

*but alas Dazai gets in more trouble than anybody else

*the amount of time this man has been kidnapped is probably a world record

*Mori is freaking out every time Dazai doesn't tell him that everything is fine within 48 hours

*but the silent freaking out

*like 'threatening every gang in Japan's underworld by telling them he's about to bomb them if they don't tell him what he wants' freaking out

*when he finds out who kidnapped Dazai this week

*only Dazai because Chuuya gets caught about as often as one would expect a god to get caught

*aka never

*back to Mori

*when he finds out who it was, he is on that bitch

*they can run but Mori can run faster

*he's a doctor so he's either wildly unhealthy or actually takes his own advice

*bro ain't slowing down for anyone

*let my man keep his hypothetical sons save

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*Dazai did ballet at some point in his life

*was probs just dancing to music like one does and figured out that ballet was kinda cool

*he never went to an actual course but did buy point shoes

*if you have all that mafia money you might as well spend it

*why are point shoes so expensive???

*he did not wear a tutu

*so sad

*legit nobody knows about this past time of his

*he will just put on some headphones and listen to music then dance around his apartment like a fucking god

*bro is flexible as hell so he's a real good dancer

*never actually uses his talent for anything

*he's just having fun

*that's all that really mattered

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*Chuuya didn't even notice that Dazai left at first

*def knew that it was Dazai who blew up his car but just thought that Dazai was being an ass again

*only found out when he had to do a mission alone and then complained to others about it just to get told that Dazai left

*his reaction was legit just "Well that was unexpected"

*didn't really care

*was slightly annoyed that he had to do the missions alone now but whatever

*knew he was probs gonna see Dazai again 'cause he's a "clingy" bastard

*wasn't worried either and there were no hard feelings that weren't there before

*just shrugged it off and went on with his week

*he did celebrate though

*my man did not lie to Dazai when they went and rescued Q

*a celebration to the fact that he no longer had to make an extra bento box

*yay!

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*you would think that after Dazai left the cult would disband?

*well you thought wrong!

*after building an entire worshiping ground you can't just abandon it like that!!

*it would be scandalous

*and who said Dazai wasn't coming to their weekly meetings

*he's the cult president after all

*the cult isn't even being forced to be there anymore

*most people at this point just got their asses saved by Chuuya often enough to realize that if God doesn't love them at least Chuuya will

*Chuuya can definitely hear if not at least feel the prayers given to him on a weekly basis

*he always wonders why he feels extra weird on a full moon

*it's probably the blood rituals

*not that he knows that they exist

*he is still getting his gifts *cough* offerings *cough*

*Kouyou is concerned

*and Chuuya is satisfied with the new Petrus on his doorstep

*lastly, Dazai has 100% ditched an ADA meeting to discuss Chuuya's newest offering in the self-built church of the cult

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*When Dazai was with Fyodor he was forced to go to church with him

*He was just like 'guess this is my life now'

*He kinda adapted to it

*He reads the bible out of boredom

*treats it like a long fanfiction

*He will just randomly start praying every time he gets annoyed by people

*he prays for their downfall

*he still often goes to an orthodox church in Yokohama to help with charity events

*He carries the bible with him if he gets bored of his suicide book

*Fyodor is proud to have converted a sinner

*Kunikida honestly didn't think Dazai was religious

*till he started praying once

*now Kunikida is just confused

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*Mori has great music taste

*he always listened to chill music in his clinic

*Dazai liked the music

*asked Mori about it

*Mori was very willing to give Dazai access to his Spotify account

*They bond over Music

*Listen to pop a lot

*And classical when they have to get work done

*Even after he left the mafia Dazai still leeches off of Mori for Spotify

*they keep sending each other messages through Spotify playlists

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*Chuuya doesn't talk much

*he likes his silence

*he just hums sometimes but not that much talking

*even when other people talk to him

*he just likes listening, not speaking

*he only ever really talks with Dazai if he gets pissed off and starts complaining

*He communicates mostly with body language

*half the pm thinks he's mute

*in reality he just doesn't care enough to speak

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*Dazai is rich

*like rich rich

*but he doesn't really use that money and it's just rotting away in some mafia bank account

*so why not use that money to pay off the tab at Uzumaki Cafe?

*because there is no tab!

**shooking silence from everyone*

*The cafe gets attacked a lot because the Ada is housed above them

*all that property damage is expensive

*and Dazai pays for it

*yk be a good man and all that spiel

*It has become a running gig for the cafe employees to ask Dazai if he is gonna pay off his tab

*even if he has already repaid them at least tenfold

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I generally think that misleading info about characters is already shitty but this is just a whole 'nother level, the whole fandom believes these false translations and weird representations of bones studio, this isn't just some fan spreading false info, this is a whole community doing it without knowing what they're doing. Mori was always an interesting character and by mischaracterizing him and his actions we also mischaracterize a lot of other characters' personalities and reasonings (Dazai mostly)

I honestly just thought that this information is something to be spread especially since it has an actual negative impact on the outside world where people give intense hate to those who enjoy Mori as a character which is absolutely unjustifiable.

Copy of the comment that made me realize that all we think of Mori isn't completely correct:
The 'Mori is a p€do' is a result of a huge mistranslation from Japanese, a misunderstanding of Japanese culture and traditions (lolicon and so on isn't representative of p€dophilia but an appreciative culture towards young woman, idk much about it tho), and the anime making the Mori dressing Elise scene creepy (manga has different positions and expressions, Elise didn't want to wear ANY clothes so Mori was trying to not make her run naked around the HQ)

The 'wife' thing is supposed to be platonic. Elise is the image of Mori's guilt about his actions towards Yosano and Dazai, since the ability doesn't actually represent his type and is the image of him and his mind. Which is why in Beast, Elise is an adult, cuz Mori works around children so he doesn't need Elise to lower his guilt. Also, Elise being an ability is supposed to be top-secret, so in a way, it works to cover that up. In the manga, they have a father-daughter relationship

The comment about Yosano was meant to be appreciative as in 'I admire her strong will and courage, despite being so young' as one would, again not a creep thing

Please read the manga and don't fall to mistranslations, stupid headcanons (Dazai SA THEORY), and anime (produced by Bones, who as always fucks up everything)

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*Dazai likes cars

*a lot

*He used to go to illegal street races funded by the pm

*(he still goes there)

*everybody there knows him

*but he doesn't race himself

*passenger princess™

*he always got the newest car models

*or the most vintage ones

*from Mori of course

*as gifts

*for birthdays, Chrismas, you name it

*after he left the mafia he started pleading with Chuuya to buy him new cars

*Chuuya does

*spoiling Dazai is an inbuilt system at this point

*Dazai happily goes to car dealers every weekend

*and mechanics

*he likes his cars to be beige

*or mat black

*He's such a car snob

*Number 1 car professional

*Kunikida drives a 2008 Jeep Wrangler

*(Fun fact: Jeep is the most disliked car brand in japan with the 2008 wrangler model supposedly being one of the worst)

*(gotta love google)

*Dazai almost fainted when he saw it

*felt embarrassed for Kunikida

*the agency couldn't believe that he was such a car fan

*until he pulled up with a 1970's Lamborghini Miura

*Chuuya was the driver

*the agency doesn't know that obviously

*their jaws were still on the floor seeing the beige car

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*Albatross and Dazai only talked a few times

*Dazai totally just followed Chuuya around like a lost puppy

*they were extremely uninterested in each other at first

*until Albatross mentioned that he owned a motorcycle

*Dazai was in love

*platonically

*Chuuya doesn't really care about vehicles

*Albatross does

*talked about motorcycles and cars for the next 5 hours

*Chuuya created a monster

*and he knows it

*bff's forever

*Dazai was also sad af when Albatross died

*he went ':('

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*Dazai has scars under the bandages

*That's like borderline canon already

*nothing special

*but!

*he didn't like the look of the scars

*once he was old enough,

*most likely started toward the end of dark era and continued during his 2 years undercover,

*he got them covered with tattoos

*cool designs like Japanese mythical creatures

*or sentimental stuff like a slug in a hat

*he realized that being covered in tattoos was maybe not the best way to show up at a very legal detective agency

*so back to bandages it is

*The PM members who were close to him are confused af

*why was he wearing bandages again???

*^their thoughts

*he doesn't wear bandages outside of the agency

*unless he's too lazy to remove them

*like 25% of his body is just tattoos

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*Dazai likes parties

*unless it's with strangers

*he got into it because of Chuuya

*ma boy probs just dragged Dazai to a party held by Albatross when they were 16

*been going ever since

*the gang has been meeting every Friday at the same club without fail for years

*the gang being Dazai, Chuuya, Gin, and probs like 1 or 2 people that Dazai met during his time undercover

*Sometimes Verlaine and the DOA trio would join in

*Fyodor would only go if Dazai forced him

*Nikolai is open to anything and Sigma literally owns the club

*the flags also used to come but well...

*at least Adam joins in if he happens to be visiting Japan to see Chuuya!

*Dazai will 100% not be wearing his bandages

*fake (or real) piercings on the other hand...

*let's just say Dazai likes cool accessories

*definitely wearing t-shirts from rock bands

*and also definitely getting absolutely wasted every single time

*he's either a sad drunk or an energetic drunk

*like 'sitting on Chuuyas lap cause he can' energetic drunk

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I hate posting announcements and shit but! I published the first chapter, a whole 1k words, of the multi-chapter fanfiction that I started writing, it's pure fluff, soukoku, and high school AU so I think you guys will enjoy it and that's why I made this announcement.

The title is 'The summer that we first met'
so I hope that you guys could at least check it out

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*Dazai was shoketh when he found out that Fyodor was basically immortal

*cause what do you mean his husband might be thousands of years old?

*that was not part of the plan

*since he's yk the honorary member of the DOA

*flashback to the two years he spent with them

*he was also not expecting to become a dad at twenty two

*Aya now has two dads

*Fyodor just showed up with Aya skeptically trailing behind him

*saw Dazai and her jaw dropped

*relationship reveal! :D

*Now there's just a vampire apocalypse and world destruction while Fyodor, Aya, and Dazai chill in Fyodor's mansion in Russia

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*Dazai never tells anyone about his birthday

*he himself forgets half the time tbh

*but Mori always remembers, as well as Chuuya and Fyodor!

*Dazai just picked his birthday at random

*literally doesn't know when he was born

*he forgor

*sometimes has to ask Chuuya how old he is

*Mori buys him a black coat every single year

*(there are always sweets, money or other little presents hidden in the pockets)

*Chuuya buys him some good quality whiskey

*Dazai's an alcoholic he just doesn't admit it

*Fyodor has been sending Dazai custom made chess pieces

*(like the expensive and elegant kind)

*the first year he got the chess board, the second year he got a single bishop, and so on

*it's always a fun surprise for what chess piece he's gonna get next

*the agency only found out about Dazai's birthday recently

*he didn't tell him they just found out by accident

*they threw him a little surprise birthday party

*he already knew about the surprise

*appreciated it anyway even if he isn't such a fan of social gatherings

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*Mori totally put Dazai on his family registry without telling him

*also 100% left Dazai's bio parents in the dark about this

*randomly cackles every time he remembers this

*he enjoys the confusion and suffering of other people 😁

*Dazai did wonder why Mori was the one paying for his crimes when he was a kid even tho that usually falls on the parents of the child

*dude just shrugged it off and continued with life

*but Mori definitely still gushes about his 'son' behind Dazai's back

*my bro loves kids (in the non-pedo way)

*finds them absolutely fucking adorable

*would still not have a bio kid for the sole reason that toddlers are a nightmare

*he was a doctor

*he had at least one nightmare toddler experience already

*decided a second experience was not worth it

*Dazai is his son and everyone but Dazai knows about it

*if Dazai found out he would act disgusted but would actually find it really heartwarming

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Lilly0708 you now get special mentions rights 'cause you keep commenting on almost everything and it makes my day, fucking love you, you little rat /p

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The snow fell in Moscow and people walked in the streets, unaware of the demon, like little worms unaware of the birds above. The demon wandered amongst them, hiding in their shadows and feasting on their obliviousness. A lost soul soon joined the demon, following his every step to the t as if they were two marionettes strung by the same puppeteer. Both walked amongst the humans for a while, crossing from the rich parts of the town to the poor, from hiding between people to hiding in alleys. Soon the demon stopped, the jingle of silver keys rang through the empty streets followed by the creak of an old door. People looked upon them from their frost-bitten windows, intrigued by the presence of the black soul but the two did not pay the watchers any mind for the bone-chilling warmth of the apartment enveloped them in a hug, enticing them, leading them. The door shut before either of them realized. The lost soul did not want to linger, it was a wanderer after all, but it had no choice with the almost completely empty three rooms the apartment housed and before long the demon spoke with its empty voice.

"Dazai.", it was not a question and neither was it a demand, no, it was an observation.

"Fedya.", the soul answered in kind but its voice was soft, it felt, the vulnerability an ugly truth and the demon knew so as it stared into the endless darkness that are the soul's eyes, it agreed reluctantly.

"Osamu.", the demon corrected its observation and the lost soul's eyes let through a somber look.

And as the snow fell outside the white window and the broken heater worked overtime to make sure they did not freeze to death, the two humans sat on the old sofa, hot tea in their hands, catching up on the years of separation.

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"Fedya?", came the questioning voice of Dazai, and with his tone, a soft smile formed on the demon's lips, one that made Dazai think of angels, something so blindingly pure created by a creature so vile, Never has he mourned being a non-believer more than now because, he thinks at least, had he believed in God then the one standing before him was worthy of his worship.

"Osamu?"

He was pulled from his thoughts in such an unnerving way that the delusion shattered and before him stood the demon Fyodor once again, his gaze washed over him like a cold shower of winter rain and his voice rang like an empty melody as Dazai stood from the yellowed sofa, making his way to the front door without a need for words, grabbing his blackened coat on the way before stepping out into the snow-covered streets with Fyodor not far behind.

It's been a year but even then he couldn't adjust to the eerie white, it had not been how people said it would be, it was not magical, the dark streets were always empty as if the only ones walking it were ghosts, the sky always gray and with the flickering streetlights and looming cement blocks that the people here dared to call homes of all things it certainly gave him a feeling that only a mother could love. His hands were cold even in the pockets of his coat and the crunching of snow a grating sound in his ear, mother Russia was an unforgiving country just like Fyodor was an unforgiving human, they looked beautiful from the outside but to live with them it took another kind of crazy.

The winding roads soon led to an abrupt stop and the static in Dazai's ears disappeared as his companion's voice rang amongst the snowflakes, surrounded by the cold like this the voice seemed warm, almost welcoming, and Dazai succumbed to its binds as Fyodor stepped in front, taking over. They were here, wherever here even was since all the buildings looked the same, to recruit someone new into Fyodor's little group. Dazai knew that helping someone who would clearly one day be his enemy is a foolish idea, something that goes so heavily against what Oda told him but he cared little, he was not yet part of the agency and if that allowed him to rest in the black bath he made for himself then he would continue to enjoy every second of the familiar liquid around him for as long as he was able to before being thrown into the desert. A heavy knock broke the momentary silence and out popped a head from the doorway, one just as white as its surroundings, from his hair to his clothes and his skin, he was the embodiment of snow even if his personality seemed to contradict that, at least from the little Dazai already saw of it, it certainly seemed the polar opposite of Fyodor's charm. Nikolai, that's what Dazai thought his name was, seemed to have a personality as bright as a day in the south although with an extra mix of "Alice in Wonderland" crazy, it seemed.

Little conversation was held and the white-haired man seemed to agree fast before blabbering on about killing Fyodor or what not, it strung a cord in Dazai, one he did not know he possessed, a feeling of envy, of anger, it seemed almost disconnected but he knew it was there, the strive to see Fyodor live to his very end till the day Dazai himself passed. He could not imagine a world where such an interesting human ceased to exist but he knew it had to happen, even then he would love to be the one to bestow Fyodor his ending, rip him open and stain the snow he so loved red. Of course only if he was allowed to close his own eyes for the last time shortly after, if only God could be that kind.

The walk back to their abode seemed so much longer, the frost biting harder at his face to the point he thinks he might just start to look blue. The snow melted on his boots and wet his socks as it crawled its way into Dazai's warm blood and poisoned him from the inside but he did not dare show weakness, not in front of Fyodor. The previously only minute-long walk stretched into what seemed like hours as another snowstorm befell the town of Moscow and tracking through it was especially hard, Dazai no longer knew where they were going, only following Fyodor like a lost pup following its leader and he was right to do so as they arrived back..home?, he guessed, it was after all his place of residence, Dazai ignored the little nagging voice in the back of his head that told him his previous house before Fyodor was never called a home.

He sat back onto the sofa, no longer in his outside wear but instead in pajama shorts and a shirt he stole from Fyodor since his own were in the wash, he looked bored as he scrolled through the different TV channels they had on the box TV they stole from an old garage sell, if he had been only a little bit more engrossed in the mind-numbing stuff on the TV then maybe he would have flinched as Fyodor lowered his own duvet upon Dazai's freezing body and handed him a cup of steaming herbal tea, it was such an affectionate gesture it had melted Dazai's heart. Being covered in Fodor's duvet, sipping a tea he brewed, it seemed so domestic, even more so as Fyodor slipped under the cover beside Dazai with his own cup, his face blank and no words to be spoken.

Soon weeks turned to months, filled with ghosting touches, soft and bruising kisses, the development of an emotion previously foreign and fleeting promises, a special bond formed between the two now lovers, a promise to end each other's life once one of them reached their goal, a peaceful ending to the charade they both played to the outside world. But in their four walls they could cuddle up beside the fireplace and drink their teas while sweet nothings of murder slipped from their lips. It was a calm existence, one Dazai knew to cherish and to love, abiding by Fyodor's wills like a worshipper abiding their God's, the Russian lifestyle no longer foreign to him but instead the embrace of a gentle mother. He knew the day would come when he would yearn to recreate these times. Still, he knows God will always have a plan like he did now as he stood by Fyodor's doorway with a suitcase in hand and a promise filled with vigor to see him again, Nikolai's enthusiastic smile seemed just a little less bright today. Fyodor himself was surrounded by a feeling of longing even if Dazai was barely outside the door. A phone of a more expensive brand was handed to him from the man he loved and he knew that if he looked there would only be a single number saved on there, a reminder that they wouldn't be apart for long as they shared their last kiss. A warming hug from Nikolai later and Dazai left the apartment on the poorer side of Moscow for the last time, ready to face the, by now, blinding sun of Japan once again after his two-year absence. 

He boarded his plane and the last message that illuminated his new phone's screen before he turned it off was from a yet unnamed number, reading:

I'll see you soon, любимый

Chapter Text

*Fyodor totally gifted Dazai a country once

*Dazai was probs still in the pm and was just like:

*"I need a lot of political power to do this one very specific, one-time-only, move that will help the port mafia by a whole 10%"

*and Fyodor, being the fucking menace to society that he is, was like:

*"amazing plan, have this country*

*because yes

*(Fyodor gifting his lover a country is canon btw)

*now Dazai just has a random country

*(it's probably Russia, only because Fyodor 100% owned Russia before giving it to Dazai)

*as if running the port mafia wasn't enough

*my dude just decided to let the country run wild (insert image of a country with human legs)

*obviously still owns it but isn't willing to rule it

*it's now his vacation home; he gets all flights to and from there for free

*would also totally use the country in any future ada plans for the sole reason of fucking with his coworkers

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*Dazai is weirdly fascinated by the moon

*he has no clue why

*he will just sit on a random ass roof and stare at it

*for hours

*Mori used to be really concerned about it

*has decided that it is none of his business and just gave Dazai a blanket to carry around

*Kunikida finds it really annoying

*Dazai WILL stop in the middle of a mission if it's night just to stare

*he mostly does it to annoy Kunikida tho

*he used to buy anything moon-themed like it was a religion