Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She wasn’t perfect.

But no one needed to know that, she was good at keeping the act up. But when she was alone, Isabella would just cry, tears messing with her makeup as blue and green flowers sprouted at her feet. Only one person knew about her facade, her cousin Dolores.

Isabela and Dolores were around the same age and had been close as kids. Dolores had watched as Isabella became the perfect Madrigal.

Now every step was practiced, every breath, every blossom. There wasn’t room for messing up. Yet Dolores could hear in the middle of the night Isabella’s sobs and her pleads just to be normal.

Many times Dolores would comfort her, even sitting next to her as Isabella fell asleep whimpering in her arms. This was a common occurrence, but Dolores tried to ignore the nagging feeling of worry for her prima.

But then she heard Abuela one night.

Abuela was talking to Julieta and Augustine about a man that Dolores had been trying to muster up the courage to talk to, Mariano Guzmán.

Abuela was talking about how Isabela was a perfect match for Mariano, and how their magical blessings would continue through them. Dolores could only listen as tears streamed down her face.

Of course, he’d be marrying Isabella. Of course, the man she was in love with was going to be married to her cousin! Dolores knew this would happen thanks to her Tio Bruno, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less. Why did Isabela need to be the one who stripped Mariano away from her?

After hearing that conversation Dolores unconsciously started to avoid Isabela, she didn’t want her prima to hurt more than she already did. She kept quiet as Abuela continued to make arrangements with the Guzmáns.

When the time came for Abuela to tell Isabela about the engagement plans, Dolores could only watch as Isabela forced back tears and nodded at Abuela, talking about how perfect it was.

Dolores could only grow more concerned as Isabela forced her voice to stay steady and dashed away from the dinner table as soon as she got the chance.

Dolores’s eyes trailed Isabela’s graceful form as she walked away and into her room. Dolores listened in, hearing the sounds of screaming and smashing.

Dolores knew her prima wasn’t going to be able to listen to her in this state, it was best to just leave her be for now. Even their lengthy talk sections couldn’t fix the messes that they found themselves in.

So, as the Madrigal family settled for the night, Dolores couldn’t help but sigh deeply as she lay in her bed, the noises of the outside muffled due to her room’s magic.

Casita played soft music in the background to help Dolores sleep, but she just couldn’t. So Dolores laid awake, thinking about her troubled cousin. It may have been another hour before Dolores heard a strange sound, it was very quiet, so she couldn’t figure out what the noise was.

She slowly got up from her bed, her ears pricked to hear the sound better, yet she still couldn’t figure out what it was or where it was coming from. She walked to her door, opening it a crack.

It took her a moment to get used to all the noises again, her mama’s light snoring, the leaves in the breeze, Bruno muttering to himself in the walls, it all flooded back to her. Dolores focused on the sound she heard earlier, finally figuring out what the sound was.

Someone was gasping for air, it sounded like a panic attack.

A moment later she realized it was Isabela, quickly Dolores put on her slippers and walked out of her room, hearing something that made her stop in her tracks.

Flesh tearing.

Immediately Dolores scrambled towards her cousin’s door, heaving as she heard sobs a moment later. Dolores’s ears roared as she arrived at the flowery door. A moment later Dolores could hear the sound of liquid dripping down Isabela’s legs.

Sangre.

Catita’s tiles clinked in concern as Dolores rushed into Isabela’s room frantically. The inside of her prima’s room was covered in a variety of roses and other flowers, a few of them were faintly glowing, giving a slight amount of light to the otherwise dark room.

Dolores rushed towards the sound of Isabela’s now clear weeping. A moment later she saw her cousin, on the floor and looking like a crumbled blossom. Isabela was safe thankfully, but why was she bleeding?

Then she saw it.

Blood trickled down her cousin’s leg, a tangle of rose thorns firmly implanted into Isabella’s skin.
Dolores could only gasp in horror as she saw blood trickling down her cousin’s leg.

Isabella, finally noticing her presence, whipped her head towards her. Her face was intense and cold, her eyes puffy from crying and mascara falling down her face.

It looked as though all the light from her eyes vanished.

“Oh…. Isa….” Dolores murmured before rushing up to her cousin and hugging her tightly. Isabella didn’t say anything, whimpered into her shoulder. Dolores rubbed the back of her cousin’s head, trying not to cry at what Isabella had just done to herself.

“Isa, please take those vines out of your leg.” She whispered, her voice trembling. Isabella only nodded, the thorns detaching from her leg and disappearing into the ground. Blood was now leaking from the wound much more, large red trails painting Isabela’s leg.

“Come on…. Let’s get you some Arepa’s….” Dolores murmured, helping her cousin up from her crumpled state. But to her surprise, Isabella shook her head.

“No, Dolores, you need to understand. This is how I defy my family, if I make my body imperfect, I’ll know that the perfect person that everyone thinks exists isn’t real! I’ll be able to smile because I’ll be the one who knows who I truly am, I’ll be FREE Dolores!” Isabella declared, grabbing onto Dolores’s arms tightly.

Dolores squeaked, holding back tears at her cousin’s words. Dolores could see the hope in Isabela’s eyes, she really believed that. How could she believe hurting her body will make anything any better? She didn’t know.

Dolores just stared at her cousin’s pleading stare to stay silent, to not tell the family and let her be happy, even for a moment. Dolores simply sighed and nodded, hugging her cousin again.

“Just….. Please tell someone eventually, they could help you. Maybe Abuela won’t put so much pressure on you afterwards.” Dolores murmured to her Prima.

“I need to clean this up….. Thanks for checking on me.” Isabella muttered, breaking the hug turning to a tangle of vines passing her bandages.

Dolores nodded, realizing it was her time to leave. She squeezed her eyes shut and walked out of her cousin’s room. She silently shut the door behind her, squeezing her eyes shut and walking back to her room.

Dolores walked back to her bed, looking up at the large ceiling and hugging her pillow to her chest lightly. She couldn’t do anything, Abuela probably would just keep a stricter eye on Isabela instead of helping her.

Maybe Tia Julieta and Tio Augustine would be able to do something, but not much. Abuela was in charge.

She was helpless.

So, she wept silently, she didn’t know anyone could cry so much as she did that night. She eventually fell asleep from exhaustion.

She woke up to her Mama kissing her forehead, telling her that breakfast would be ready soon. Dolores got ready for the day, forgetting momentarily what happened last night.

Then she saw Isabella again, as usual, she walked gracefully, a trail of petals behind her, every step practiced and perfect. It took Dolores every ounce of her power not to just scream right then and there.

The morning progressed, the family having their usual breakfast, Isabela was still plastering a fake smile as Abulea mentioned the engagement once again. Dolores could only watch as after breakfast Isabela got up from her seat to go into town, and accidentally crashed into Mirabel.

Dolores squeaked as she heard bandages rubbing against soft fabric.

Chapter Text

Mirabel loved her Familia, since she was little she’d show that love through warm hugs, words of adornment, and gifts. Whether those gifts were flowers she’d picked while out on her morning stroll or a dress she’d worked on for weeks.

She loved loving her Familia, but over time she came to realize something odd.

When it came to love, she was rarely on the receiving end.

Sure, Antonio would run up and give her big hugs whenever he so pleased, or her Mama would give her kisses and tight hugs, but otherwise, the rest of the Madrigal family barely even acknowledged her existence.

Luisa might pat her head every once in a while before she went out, or her Papa would ask how she was doing, inviting her to go chop wood with him. But it always felt rushed, like she was just something to be checked off a list.

Like, “Oh, I haven’t talked to Mirabel recently, I’ll go say hi on my way into town!”

And not to mention that the majority of her family didn’t even acknowledge she was there! Her Abuela would forget her all the time during meals, allowing everyone to eat without even alerting her that they were at the table in the first place!

Isabella was like Abuela, except that she made it very clear that Mirabel was ruining…. Her vibe? She didn’t know, but whenever they were close to each other Isabella would start shrieking about something.

With everyone else, it was like she got in the way, even when she was doing something as simple as bringing them lunch. One time she thought she should surprise her Tia by bringing her some of Mama’s cooking, but as soon as her Tia saw her she started shooing her away before she even had the chance to give her the arepas.

So, as she grew older, she worked harder to get her Familia’s affection, she’d make breakfast, fix their clothes, and make sure she gave them the best presents for their cumpleaños.

But, if anything, she seemed to be getting less of their attention, what was she doing something wrong? Her family still loved her, right?

Right?

She always tried to shake those thoughts out of her head, because it was ridiculous! Of course, her family still loved her, they were La Familia Madrigal! They were the perfect family, the happiest family, the most useful family!

And she was part of that family.

So, she believed that she was loved and that maybe she wasn’t recognizing the signs, that had to be it. That was the only explanation, Abuela maybe just wasn’t as good at showing it as other people, and the rest of her Familia showed it, but she just couldn’t recognize it.

But even with that in mind, why did she feel so alone?

So unloved?

So worthless.

She was just being stupid, that was it, that had to be it.

These thoughts would come up though, more often than she’d like, such as now. 

She was eating dinner with her family, and everyone was chatting and conversing with everyone else, smiles on their faces as they talked about the activities they did that day.

And Mirabel listened because no one had asked her what she’d done today.

Luisa had helped build a bridge that day, Isabella had helped with a wedding in the village, Tia Pepa had gone and had a date with Tio Felix, Camilo had entertained the children for most of the day, and so on….

“Mirabel!”

Mirabel jerked, excited for a moment before realizing that Abuela was speaking to her, with a sour expression on her face.

“Yes, Abuela?” She asked, giving her signature smile as everyone turned to look in her direction. Mirabel felt a sudden urge to hide from her Abuela’s gaze, she was rarely addressed at the dinner table, and when she was, it usually wasn’t a good thing.

“You’re slouching.” Her Abuela spoke in a curt tone. She immediately stood up straight as she took a bite out of her Empanada, unfortunately even the delicious taste of her Mama’s cooking couldn’t soothe her nerves.

“Mirabel, you’re behaviour lately has been unacceptable, I’ve heard that you’ve been disrupting everyone’s work. I’ve told you to let everyone else handle the village.” Abula said, her tone now having a hint of ferocity.

“Yes Abuela, lo Siento.” Mirabel murmured, dipping her head down, she’d learned from last time not to argue with her Abuela when she was like this, even when she was just trying to help. 

The rest of the meal continued after that, everyone conversing with each other, except for her. She made sure to keep her back straight and not look her Abuela in the eyes, and she made sure not to make a mess while she ate.

She noticed her Mama was looking at her, with her usual saddened eyes, she knew that after dinner her Mama would come up to her and say, “Oh Mirabel, Abuela is just giving you tough love, she loves you very much and wants you to live your best life.” Then her Mama would kiss her head and then retreat to the kitchen with her Papa, and she’d be left alone,

Again.

Moments later, everyone was clearing up the table, smiles on their faces. Camilo was stuffing the last of the food into his face, and Isabella and Dolores were conversing with each other, smiling.

When was the last time she’d smiled with her Familia? She didn’t remember.

Mirabel walked towards her room, wanting to enjoy the familiar warmth of her room, she was almost done making a skirt for herself, and she wanted to finish it before she went to bed.

Unfortunately, before she could make it upstairs, Abuela walked up to her, a stern look on her face, the same as it had been during dinner. There was silence for a long moment as the other members of the household went to their respective rooms before her Abuela spoke.

“Mirabel, we need to talk.” Her Abuela stated, her voice was cold, there was no warmth that she’d use while talking to Isabella, or a smile when she looked at her children, all that was left for her was a look that reminded Mirabel of disdain.

“Mirabel, you’ve been disrupting our Familia for the past few weeks, stepping on Isabella’s flowers, disrupting Pepa when she’s watering crops, distracting Luisa when she’s carrying buildings, the list goes on Mirabel!” Abuela said, her voice starting to become exasperated the more she went on.

“I-i’m sorry Abuela, I don’t mean to I swear, I just want to he-” She was abruptly cut off by her Abuela scoffing at her.

“Again with this? I told you, let everyone else handle the jobs around the town, the best thing you can do is stay out of the way, where you can’t bother anyone!” Her Abuela said, her voice starting to become higher, and angrier.

Mirabel felt tears prick her eyes, her Abuela couldn’t mean that, right? She was just angry, she wasn’t thinking clearly, she didn’t mean it, she didn’t mean it, she didn’t me-

“So for the last time, stay in Casita during the daytime! No one wants your help, the villagers don’t want your help, and neither does the family, you’re trouble enough trying to help everyone here!” Abuela shouted, her body language becoming more threatening as she walked closer to her.

Mirabel’s lip trembled, and tears started to freely flow down her freckled cheeks. Her Abuela hadn’t ever been this harsh with her before, sure there were a few times that came close, but nothing something like this.

Maybe Abuela was just having a bad day? It couldn’t be her fault, her Abuela seriously couldn’t mean that.

“A-Abuela, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you angry, but-” She got cut off again by a loud slap.

Mirabel fell to the floor, her glasses clinking onto the floor as they fell off her face. Her breath shuddered as she put her hand to her cheek, she immediately felt the hot sting of where her Abuela had hit her. 

“DON’T YOU DARE MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!” She roared, her hand ready to strike again at a moment's notice.

Mirabel knew better than to stay, she twisted her body and ran up the stairs as quickly as she could, tears blurring her vision.

She could hear Abuela continuing to yell at her as she ran towards her room, but none of it registered as she opened her door, opening it then locked it behind her. 

 Moments later she was on the floor, sobbing into her dress.

Believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time Abuela had hit her, but that was normal, Abuela hit Camilo when he stole food, and she hit Mirabel on what she assumed to be her Abuela’s ‘bad days' when she wasn’t thinking clearly and got angry with Mirabel because she messed up once or twice.

It was normal, so why did this time feel different? 

Because she doesn’t love you.

Because no one really loves you.

Mirabel shook her head, no, that wasn’t true, those were just her thoughts. She couldn’t let them get into her head, she was Mirabel Madrigal!

Are you really a Madrigal if no one treats you like one? Come on, none of the family actually cares about you, much less love you, so why try?

No, stop! That wasn’t true, her Familia loved her, and she loved them! They just had trouble showing it, her Abuela was giving her tough love, that’s all!

You know that’s not true, Abuela has never hit someone as she hits you, your family tries to avoid you, and so does the village.

You don’t even have any friends, no one actually likes you.

Mirabel groaned, standing up as she tried to shove her thoughts out of her head, but they just kept swarming, the more they spoke, the more she wanted to believe them. Her family never spoke to her unless needed, she disappointed her Abuela by existing, Isabella didn’t even hide her disdain.

The voices were right.

She was the family mess up.

She was Mirabel Madrigal, the one without a gift, the one who Abuela lashes out at, the one the village sees as a bad omen, the one who shouldn’t exist.

Mirabel sat on her bed, her thoughts flooding her brain. She looked at the ground, her head was starting to hurt. Her stomach churned as years of what she thought was ‘tough love’ went through her head.

No one loves you, no one wants you, and everyone hates you. Why do you still try when you’re clearly not worth it to anyone?

They are right to hate you, they see through your lies, they see how pathetic you really are. Just stop trying, it’s not like anyone would notice, in fact, everyone will probably be relieved that Mirabel the nuisance is gone!

Mirabel stood up from her bed, walked to her desk and looked at her family portrait that had fallen a few days ago, its glass was shattered and needed to be replaced.

Just like her.

Without thinking much of it, she grabbed a shard of glass from the broken photo. She took her dress off, and sat once again, looking at the shard of glass.

A thought came to her.

Cut yourself.

Mirabel felt the temptation rise as she looked at the shard longer.

It looked back at her for a long moment before she finally made her decision. Her hand glided down to where her skirt once was, over her bare legs. Mirabel was gone, now she was just a girl, urging to see blood spill.

She gave in.

The skin was tough to break, but eventually, Mirabel found the right angle as she dug the glass shard into her leg, wincing at the agonizingly wondrous sting it gave her. Her voices told her to do more as she watched blood start to slowly drip down her leg. 

So she did more.

You’ll never be a true Madrigal!

A cut.

You’re just lying to yourself, no one actually loves you!

Another cut.

YOU’RE USELESS!

And another.

A sob racked Mirabel’s throat as her arms went through the motion of slicing, again and again, she needed to be in more pain, she needed to see more blood, and she needed to forget everyone, even if just for a moment.

Mirabel cut for what felt like hours, when she stopped, blood seeped down her leg, starting to slowly pool onto the floor. Mirabel touched the red substance, giving it a closer inspection, she expected it to be thicker, but it seemed to be closer to water than she had imagined.

Some deep, unsettling part of her liked it.

Mirabel looked down at the shard of glass in her hand, now covered in her own blood, slightly smeared onto the clear substance.

 It was beautiful.

Mirabel took a deep breath, she needed to clean this up, Antonio would freak out if he saw this in the morning. She went to stand up, but a searing pain racked her body, she forced herself to keep her mouth shut as her legs trembled in pain.

She grit her teeth and took a step forward, her feet slightly sticky as she walked towards her table and went through the drawers until she found what she was looking for.

A cloth.

She grabbed it, walking back towards her bed before she stumbled, falling to the ground, giving a small yelp. Tears stung her eyes as she stood again, walking to her bed and sitting down, grabbing her cup of water from her nightstand and dipping the cloth in the glass.

Slowly she rubbed the cloth on her wounds, wincing as she grazed the cloth over her wounds, she looked down to see the severity, wincing at the sight. Many of the wounds were multiple skin layers deep, overlapping with one another.

It’s what you wanted.

Mirabel continued to clean the wounds, having to apply force on many of them before they stopped bleeding. Unfortunately, many of them were severe enough that they should have been bandaged, although that wouldn’t be an issue when she ate her Mama’s cooking tomorrow.

So she cleaned the floor, and placed the glass shard in the drawer of her nightstand, deciding that this wouldn’t be the last time she used it. This made her feel slightly better, momentarily forgetting everything and doing some….. Self-care.

When she tried to sleep, the fabric against her raw skin made her whimper and wince. After hours of tossing and turning, she finally found a position that hurt the least, and slowly but surely, she fell asleep.

Her dreams weren’t pleasant that night.