Chapter Text
#general-1
November 15, 2028
7:12 AM
laura petrie: quit your job
Rob Petrie (Polly): Why
laura petrie: join my emo band
abakadaba: :O
abakadaba: ill quit job join your emo band
Rob Petrie (Polly): You can’t quit you have to stay and help me
abakadaba: boooooo
laura petrie: oh no a scary ghost :O
abakadaba: our first song title
Mom Friend (Mia): Don’t quit your job just to join Klavier’s band.
laura petrie: everyone is so mean to me :(
abakadaba: consider this: band
Mom Friend (Mia): Consider this: it’s a band started by a high school sophomore (automatically bad).
Rob Petrie (Polly): ^^
laura petrie: killing you
Mom Friend (Mia): Killing you back
abakadaba: making funeral preparations
Rob Petrie (Polly): cashing in on your life insurance
#actual-show-stuff
2:14 PM
boyfriend material: whens the next show im already bored
monch :))): auditions are nov 31 but also its literally been. 1 day since strike calm down
monch :)): i have. homework :(
boyfriend material: laughing at you. homework doer
Dick Van: laughing at you!!! homework non-doer
boyfriend material: imagine doing your homework
Rob Petrie (Polly): It’s only tuesday how are you already not doing your homework?
boyfriend material: huh??? what???? were way into the school year???
Rob Petrie (Polly): But it was just the weekend
boyfriend material: you dont understand i dont do my homework EVER
Rob Petrie (Polly): I can’t believe I got stuck with all of you
Dick Van: Dont lie youre also a major loser
boyfriend material: and i am a major cruiser (cruising through high school)
Dick Van: I am a major bruiser (good at beating people up)
monch :))): i am a major mooser (friend to all moose)
abakadaba: i am a major trucer (trucy)
Rob Petrie (Polly): I want to be a criminal justice major for my prelaw does that count
abakadaba: weve already youre a major loser pay attention
6:35 PM
Mom Friend (Mia): @ Rob Petrie (Polly) I am staring at you intently. Prelaw.
Rob Petrie (Polly): Please all I want in life is to be an attorney
Mom Friend (Mia): Join. Debate club. I am begging and pleading. Nobody in debate club likes me begging and pleading.
Killos: What are you talking about? I like you just fine.
Mom Friend (Mia): Not in debate club!
Killos: Just because we got into a screaming match one time does not mean that I don’t like you! You just had bad points.
Mom Friend (Mia): M.
Mom Friend (Mia): MY POINTS?????
Mom Friend (Mia): MY POINTS WERE BAD????
Mom Friend (Mia): EXCUSE ME????
Mom Friend (Mia): EXCUSE ME MR ONE TERRIBLE STATISTIC????
Mom Friend (Mia): MY POINTS???
Mom Friend (Mia): ?????????????
Mom Friend (Mia): EXCUSE ME?????
Killos: I’m leaving now. Apollo, I do think you would enjoy debate club.
Mom Friend (Mia): YOURE A FUCKING COWARD
Mom Friend (Mia): KILLING YOU KILLING YOU KILLING YOU
Mom Friend (Mia): MY POINTS
Mom Friend (Mia): WERE ORGANIZED
Mom Friend (Mia): AND WELL CONSTRUCTED
Mom Friend (Mia): THE ONLY REASON I DIDNT WIN IS BECAUSE
Mom Friend (Mia): YOU RAN OUT THE TIME
Mom Friend (Mia): “PANACHE” “CHARM”
Mom Friend (Mia): THATS ALL YOU HAD
Mom Friend (Mia): GRRRRR GROWL BITE BITE BITE
Mom Friend (Mia): I HATE YOU SO MUCH
Mom Friend (Mia): IM SO MAD
Mom Friend (Mia): IM GOING TO BED
9:41 PM
nick: jeezy
monch :))): shhhh shes in bed
#general-1
November 16, 2028
8:32 AM
Dick Van: Killing and biting its only thursday
SCIENCE!: truea nd real
laura petrie: wow three whole words and only one mistake good job ema
SCIENCE!!: hopin he have lunch regther next swmester sothati can jill u evry day
Dick Van: Ema respectfully. do you just type without looking at the screen
SCIENCE!!: ..,.,/..
SCIENCE!!: o expllded my phonee
SCIENCE!!: ut i out it back toggggether so its fi e
laura petrie: ema voice. steals potassium and puts it in my phone. puts water in my phone. when my phone breaks (because of course it does) puts it back together.
laura petrie: ema voice. why doesnt my phone work
SCIENCE!!: klavuer voice. mein gggott thus schoolinhouswn isnt full of ein su basses lije me
laura petrie: making fun of me isnt even working because nobody can understand you >:)
monch :))): hi this is ema
monch :))): klavier voice. mein gott this schoolenhousen isnt full of ein dumbasses like me
Dick Van: Wait Ema do you have a class with Maya
monch :))): advantages of skipping straight to ap bio
monch :))): anyway klavier is a loser. my final message
laura petrie: everyone is so mean to me
laura petrie: im going to cry :(
laura petrie: im going to cry in the middle of english :((((
laura petrie: im going to cry in the middle of english 10 are you happy now EMA :(((((((((((
SCIENCE!!: yrs
#general-1
November 17, 2028
2:59 PM
nick: wait what's the next show
Mom Friend (Mia): It’s going to be Jane Eyre!
Mom Friend (Mia): But if anyone asks, you didn’t hear that from me.
nick: well
nick: hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Killos: A classic!
boyfriend material: ^^ how to tell your man is a loser
nick: dont say that about him >:(
monch :))): ^^ how to tell your man is a loser
nick: miles
nick: miles
nick: MILES
Killos: Yes?
nick: arent you going to defend my honor
Killos: No. I’m afraid that in this matter our young friend is correct.
nick: divorce
Mom Friend (Mia): Hey, Nick, you need someone to represent you in divorce court. I can offer my services for a reasonable fee.
monch :))): take everything nick
nick: i want the house
nick: i want the cars
nick: i want the. uh. dog
monch :))): woah now thats just cruel
Killos: Pess is MINE.
Mom Friend (Mia): Not for long, loser!
Killos: Franziska just came in my room and asked why I’m laughing so hard. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.
nick: tell her that its because your boyfriend is so funny
Mom Friend (Mia): Tell her that it’s because I’M so funny.
monch :))): just tell her youre watching steel samurai lmao
Killos: I told her I was talking with you, Phoenix, and she scoffed.
nick: does she not think im that funny
nick: thats crazy im so funny
monch :))): you should tell her that shes the coolest person alive
Killos: That would be a lie.
monch :))): SAYING THAT ABOUT YOUR OWN SISTER???? YOUR OWN SISTER
nick: miles really going wild with just being. mean today
nick: earlier at lumch he told me my hair was “crunchy”
monch :))): lumch
Mom Friend (Mia): lumch
Killos: It’s true!
monch :))): you didnt say lumch. you have to say lumch. killing you
Killos: I’ve survived one attempted murder already. I think I’ll be fine.
Mom Friend (Mia): Just say lumch. It’s not hard. You just have to go “lumch haha” and then the target will be off of your back.
Killos: No, that’s dumb.
monch :))): mia i have a idea
monch :))): im dming you look
#lumch-confinement
3:41 PM
Mom Friend (Mia): And it is here that you shall stay until you laugh at Nick for saying lumch.
Killos: I guess I’m in here forever, then.
nick: no just laugh
Killos: You could let me out?
nick: but its in the server rules you have to laugh
Killos: No it isn’t.
Mom Friend (Mia): We have so many extra rules we should probably make a separate channel for fake rules.
nick: theyre not fake theyre just also not serious
#server-rules-the-second
3:49 PM
Mom Friend (Mia): The rules in the rules channel are important and we’ve gone over the consequences for rule-breaking in that channel. These ones are less important. The consequences vary depending on the rule and the day. most of the time its nothing
nick: 1. ALWAYS BULLY. if there is an opportunity for bullying and it would be funny do it. this applies to everyone except for trucy (@/abakadaba). bully larry even if theres not a good opportunity
Mom Friend (Mia): Wait, are we just doing the reverse of the actual rules channel?
nick: no
nick: 2. when there is a typo, REPEAT THE TYPO IN THE CHAT. you can never repeat a typo too many times. ema (@/SCIENCE!!) is excluded from this because have you seen her phone screen
Mom Friend (Mia): 3. If there is a roleplay going on, do not interrupt it. You may notice such sentences as “killing you” “wishing death upon your household” and “giving you a little kiss”. Separate actions are separated by periods. Remember that the first rule of improv is Yes, And. If you’ve been killed in the roleplay, you’re dead. You can come back to life at the end of the scene.
nick: 4. if its the end of a friday and there isn’t a dick van dyke weekly fact out yet, remind athena by yelling loudly at her. for example @Dick Van WHERE IS IT ITS FRIDAY TODAY
Mom Friend (Mia): If you’ve been put in jail, don’t try and get out through nefarious means. You must serve your sentence. Current rules state that sentences are AT LEAST two hours unless the person who gave the sentence decides otherwise.
nick: 6. sometimes larry (@/boyfriend material) comes in and just entirely wrecks the server by accident. this is okay, because we love larry
boyfriend material: 7. peace and love baby
nick: peace and love baby
Mom Friend (Mia): Peace and love, baby.
#dick-van-dyke
5:02 PM
Dick Van: Dick Van Dyke Show Weekly Fact #26: Six episodes from season 2 are in the public domain.
Dick Van: Thank u for reminding me mr wright……….
nick: :)
laura petrie: dick van dyke more like dick van domain
Rob Petrie (Polly): Domain van Dyke
yatagarasu: oh to be a little loser pirating the dick van dyke show only to find out that six episodes are already public domain
yatagarasu: thats the life
Rob Petrie (Polly): Does anyone want to watch with me? I will stream the episodes
Dick Van: Please please please all i want in life is dick van dyke show
#general-1
November 20, 2028
3:21 AM
laura petrie: idk i just cant stop thinking about it
SCIENCE!!: WROMGG PNE
laura petrie: f
7:03 AM
Mom Friend (Mia): @laura petrie @SCIENCE!!
Mom Friend (Mia): Looking at you disapprovingly.
Mom Friend (Mia): What were you doing up at 3:00 this morning?
laura petrie: uh uh uh talking lmao :)
SCIENCE!!: yalki gg
Mom Friend (Mia): When you should have been SLEEPING.
monch :))): YOU are going to go off about not sleeping last night. YOU
Mom Friend (Mia): You can’t do this to me I’m an adult.
laura petrie: what were u doing last night MIA
Mom Friend (Mia): Having your boyfriend over isn’t a CRIME.
monch :))): well why dont we ask aunt morgan avout that huh
Mom Friend (Mia): AVOUT MAYA SAID AVOUT
Mom Friennd (Mia): @ everyone AVOUT
laura petrie: avout
SCIENCE!!: avoyt
nick: avout
boyfriend material: avout
yatagarasu: avout
Rob Petrie (Polly): Avout
boyfriend material: what WERE you doing huh mia
Mom Friend (Mia): STOP
Mom Friend (Mia): @ coffee boy i love you HELP
coffee boy i love you: Now,
yatagarasu: hi diego
coffee boy i love you: The personal affairs of a beautiful woman are no one’s business but her own.
coffee boy i love you: Good morning, Ms Faraday.
Mom Friend (Mia): Alright and that’s the end of that! Begging and pleading everyone shut up now.
boyfriend material: fineeeeeeeeeeeee
2:31 PM
abakadaba: in week we will be auditioning
Rob Petrie (Polly): One week from right now….
abakadaba: apollo justice SHUT UP CHALLENGE
Rob Petrie (Polly): What?
abakadaba: you are home rn and u wouldnt drive ME
abakadaba: your very sister
abakadaba: stuck the bus!!!!
Rob Petrie (Polly): Because my car was acting weird this morning! You know that if we got in a a crash I would blame myself forever
Rob Petrie (Polly): Im not even actually at home! Im at the shop waiting for the guys to figure out whats wrong with my car
abakadaba: consider this: i do not want be stuck on the bus
Rob Petrie (Polly): Consider this: I do not want you to die
abakadaba: pollyyyyyy im literally crying rn why are u doing this to me
Rob Petrie (Polly): No you aren’t
abakadaba: how do u know
Rob Petrie (Polly): I have informants on the bus
Rob Petrie (Polly): Busformants, one might call them
abakadaba: youre SPYING ON ME?????????
abakadaba: like a little SPY?????
Rob Petrie (Polly): I’m actually a 5’5’’ spy, thank you very much
nick: hang on now
nick: i was content to just watch this go down but there’s no way that youre 5’5’’ apollo
Dick Van: ^^^
Dick Van: I’m 5’5’’ and you’re shorter than me
Rob Petrie (Polly): Believe it or not, I am 5’5’’
abakadaba: were the same height apollo is five foot NOTHING
Rob Petrie (Polly): SHUT UP
abakadaba: the only reason he thinks hes taller is because he spikes his hair up on purpose
Dick Van: APOLLO
Rob Petrie (Polly): Im never talking to any of you ever again
nick: why do you do that…your hair must be CRUSTY
Rob Petrie (Polly): AND YOURS ISNT?????
nick: my point still stands, but i concede
Rob Petrie (Polly): I SEE YOU TYPING ATHENA YOU SIDE PONYTAIL ASSHOLE
Dick Van: Uhhhh um uh
Dick Van: haha shot
Dick Van: SHOT
Dick Van: SHORT
Dick Van: every day i struggle and suffer
abakadaba: u deserve this making me drive the bus
Rob Petrie (Polly): DRIVE THE BUS???
abakadaba: RIDE
abakadaba: RIDE THE BUS
Rob Petrie (Polly): Trucy stop that you’re not old enough to drive
abakadaba: NOOOO
Rob Petrie (Polly): You haven’t even done drivers training
abakadaba: im literally crying rn
abakadaba: and u wont know if im telling the truth because were the last stop so im the only person still here
Rob Petrie (Polly): Obviously youre the last stop youre the bus driver
abakadaba: killing you killing you killing you killing you
November 21, 2028
9:21 AM
boyfriend material: ah a sibling fight
boyfriend material: reminds me of the good old days
Mom Friend (Mia): Let’s leave Lanagate in the past where it belongs.
SCIENCE!!: hste hste hate lanagate
monch :))): no i think we should bring back lanagate i think it would be funny
Mom Friend (Mia): It was two years ago. Lanagate is dead.
monch :))): shes still technically in the discord
monch :))): @Skyesthelimit
SCIENCE!!: STOP
boyfriend material: @Skyesthelimit
Mom Friend (Mia): My entire existence is just a long sting of pain and suffering, huh?
laura petrie: lanagate? was?
monch :))): please please please @Skyesthelimit
boyfriend material: @Skyesthelimit hey come make fun of mia with us it will be funny
Mom Friend (Mia): @nick Please kick Lana from the server. She doesn’t even do theatre anymore.
nick: my loyalty to you vs my loyalty to maya vs my loyalty to ema vs it WOULD be funny
laura petrie: what is lanagate?
boyfriend material: @Skyesthelimit
monch :))): @Skyesthelimit
nick: she isn’t even responding you’ll be fine
4:16 PM
Skyesthelimit: I forgot I was in here!
SCIENCE!!: LEA E
laura petrie: hallo hallo who are you :)
Skyesthelimit: I’m Lana! I quit THS theare after sophmore year, but I used to be on lights. Who are YOU?
boyfriend material: ah lanagate
boyfriend material: good times
monch :))): lanagate my beloved
laura petrie: im klavier :) i was costumes crew chief last show
laura petrie: youre emas sister?
SCIENCE!!: its k vier
Skyesthelimit: Oh Klavier!
Skyesthelimit: I’ve heard of you!
laura petrie: from ema??? O.O
boyfriend material: lmao
monch :))): new gate just dropped. klaviergate
Skyesthelimit: Yeah!
laura petrie: oh no
Skyesthelimit: I wouldn’t worry too much about what Ema says. She, too, is a pathetic little bisexual.
boyfriend material: LMAO
SCIENCE!!: NO ODY SAY ANUTHINF E ER AGAIN
laura petrie: ………………………………..
laura petrie: thank u ms skye (the better one) :))
monch :))): its okay ema thats like. half the server
monch :))): distinct air of superiority. not me though
boyfriend material: women amirite
SCIENCE!!: hwllworld i lea ing
monch :))): women………….. going insane
Skyesthelimit: I’m thinking about her (women).
monch :))): you know who else is a pathetic bi?????
monch :))): @Mom Friend (Mia)
monch :))): miaaaaa
boyfriend material: @Mom Friend (Mia) lana in the server what will you do
laura petrie: you guys are really ganging up on ms fey today hm
monch :))): deserved
boyfriend material: major deserved movement
monch :))): movement
laura petrie: movement
Skyesthelimit: movement
laura petrie: come on ema get in on this
monch :))): HANG ON
boyfriend material: shes gone
laura petrie: she died :(
monch :))): no more ema :(((((
Skyesthelimit: She’s watching a video about how bones break down, so you’re never getting her back.
laura petrie: if there is no ema who is there to make fun of me :(
monch :))): the rest of us????
laura petrie: ok but ema came after ME specifically
boyfriend material: we can pick up the slack for her its ok
laura petrie: who will throw snackoos at me when they pass me in the hallway every morning between first and second hour
laura petrie: crying rn :’(
boyfriend material: we should have a funeral
monch :))): do you think grossburg would let us have a funeral for ema in the auditorium
monch :))): lana what do you think
boyfriend material: shes offline now rip
monch :))): no more lanagate :(
boyfriend material: no more larrygate either i have exam studying to do and i actually cant fail trig
monch :))): CRINGE
#general-1
November 23, 2028
6:15 AM
Mom Friend (Mia): Banging on pots and pans. Okay everyone up we have the first half of exams today.
boyfriend material: hell
boyfriend material: im going back to bed i can fail trig
Mom Friend (Mia): No. Consider this: graduation.
boyfriend material: uhgghgghhghghghgghghghghghg
nick: oh no he died
Dick Van: He melted into the floor… happens to the best of us
#actual-show-stuff
12:20 PM
laura petrie: are we. are we getting sides this show
Mom Friend (Mia): No :)
laura petrie: cold read…. :(
nick: cold read :/
nick: mia. chief. mia.
Mom Friend (Mia): Yeah?
nick: you have. script access right
Mom Friend (Mia): Don’t even think about it, slick.
Mom Friend (Mia): Plus, exams at the end of the week. Nobody wants all of you memorizing your sides instead of the quadratic formula and then failing your classes.
laura petrie: maybe i WANT to fail my classes did you think about that
Mom Friend (Mia): Don’t!
laura petrie: :(((
#lumch-confinement
12:31 PM
nick: when will my husband come back from the war….
Killos: Ah. A visitor in my lonesome cell.
nick: just make fun of me then you can be free
Killos: Hm. No.
nick: why are you like this
nick: you have made fun of me publicly TODAY
Killos: It isn’t about you or your pride. It’s because this is the hill I will die on.
nick: why is this the hill you are dying on
Killos: Because I said it was going to be. Next question.
nick: thats the stupidest reason ive ever heard in my life
Killos: We sit with Larry at lunch. There’s no possibility in one thousand years that that’s true.
monch :))): italics????? in the discord????? stop it. major cringe moments
monch :))): get with the program bestie. when you want to put emphasis on something you split the sentence and put periods around it
monch :))): so it would be. we sit with. larry. at lunch.
Killos: I am not doing tha tunder any any circumstances.
monch :))): tha tunder
nick: tha tunder
Killos: This is harassment.
monch :))): if you dont like it you can leave it says to always bully in the rules
Killos: It says not to be a bully in the rules.
monch :))): in the REAL rules sure but in the second rules? the better rules? thats right baby….theres a new law in town
monch :))): not that youll ever see the new rules channel because youre keeping yourself stuck here in idiot baby jail
nick: i’m changing the channel name to that
nick: and it will REMAIN that way until you get out of it
Killos: You can’t keep me locked in the shame box forever. I know you don’t have the heart.
nick: thats what you think!
monch :))): so just so were clear.
monch :))): this is essentially a stubbornness competition now
nick: yeah
Killos: Yes, that’s exactly what it is.
monch :))): between. the two stubbornest people i know (other than myself)
nick: yeah
Killos: You’ve hit the nail on the head.
monch :))): oh boysie
#general-1
10:21 PM
yatagarasu: why dont we have nighttime conversations in here it is easy to see that most of us are still up and online
Mom Friend (Mia): Encouraging unhealthy sleeping habits. Banned.
Mom Friend (Mia): We literally have the rest of exams tomorrow. Go to sleep.
Mom Friend (Mia): If you’re awake and seeing this. Go to sleep. Bedtime
#general-1
November 24, 2028
6:15 AM
Mom Friend (Mia): Bang bang bang.
Skyesthelimit: You really keep everyone organized here! How very admirable of you.
Mom Friend (Mia): Oh no I can’t talk I have to study for the rest of exams….
monch :))): i can hear you watching Pride and Prejudice with pearl in the kitchen
Mom Friend (Mia): Shut up, or I’ll tell Pearl how you capitalized Pride and Prejudice but don’t have enough respect for our little cousin to capitalize her name.
monch :))): grrr gr gr foaming at the mouth
12:20 PM
abakadaba: ITS OVER
laura petrie: the end of an era :)
nick: only one semester left before I am out of here
boyfriend material: the long semester…
boyfriend material: why does themis do it like this….
nick: listen though we leave early so its fine
boyfriend material: oh yeah its fine
laura petrie: before you leave us alone to SUFFER
abakadaba: abandoned….betrayed
laura petrie: the end of the first semester and the beginning of :) theatre comp season :)
abakadaba: LETS GO
laura petrie: JANE ERYE :)))
abakadaba: chanting!!! theatre comp theatre comp