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“What are you thinking about, stupid cat?”
They were in the office alone this time, looking over the August case. Yanagi and Mineo were out doing their own things and Shiraishi was back at the police station thanks to still being on the clock. She wasn’t sure where Okazaki was but knowing him he was probably milling about still, listening in. Maybe that would bother Ichika more if she thought there was anything she could do about it. In the end, it didn’t truly matter. She’d lost her right to privacy the second Adonis had put the damn collar on her.
The only thing that seemed to be working in her favor lately was her budding relationship with Sasazuka. At first, the hacker had seemingly despised her. Deeming her an idiotic and unremarkable pawn that he’d use when necessary but had little to offer. Between donuts and passing his tests though, Ichika had managed to claw her way up to what she liked to think was at least a tentative friendship with the man. He was certainly prickly and a pompous ass still but… well, she found his presence comforting despite that.
At the moment, Sasazuka was biting into another donut as he typed something into his computer. He’d offered Ichika her own ‘treat’ as well but… well, she just didn’t seem to have an appetite today. It was hard to think about eating when her stomach was churning so much. Part of her wanted to just sleep the feeling off but… well, not only would Sasazuka not let her sleep while they were on the job but Ichika knew she wouldn’t be able to. She hadn’t been able to sleep well since she got the collar and ever since X-Day had been announced it’d been a rare luxury.
Right, Sasazuka asked a question. She’d better answer before he gets pissed off about being ignored.
“I’m… Adonis’ experiment, right?”
Sasazuka blinks, fingers hesitating on the keyboard for a second before continuing their typing. “That’s what they said.”
“So…” Ichika gnaws on her lip, fighting off the frustrated tears trying to build in her eyes. She knows there isn’t any point in crying (it won’t change anything) and yet… “So they monitor everything I do, right? There are limitations on what I can say or do, they’re listening in on my every move, they know everyone I interact with and it’s probably safe to assume they’re watching me somehow even if the collar doesn’t have a camera. Plus… I mean they can literally kill me at any time.”
Sasazuka frowns, “we know all this, dumb dog. What about it?”
“So my life isn’t even my own anymore!” Ichika says, cursing herself inwardly as her voice cracks. She tilts her face down, both hiding from Sasazuka’s judgment and trying to hide the tears she can’t quite fight anymore. “I’m- I’m just some stupid lab rat! I know that this is- that it will help our research into Adonis and- and that getting emotional over it helps no one but-”
“You’re such a dumbass,” Sasazuka grumbles under his breath, though there isn’t any true malice in his tone. “Look at me.”
Ichika almost doesn’t at first, embarrassed and ashamed about her state. Sasazuka will only grow irritated if she doesn’t listen though so she forces herself to glance up, surprised to find serious red eyes looking right at her. As good as their relationship has gotten, it's still rare for Sasazuka to look directly at her. Not only that but despite the serious look on his face she can tell he isn’t angry (she’s seen him angry, it’s fucking terrifying) instead he almost looks… concerned, maybe? It’s hard to tell but that’s the impression she’s getting.
Instead of saying something like Ichika expects, Sasazuka instead reaches up to her scarf and unwraps it, revealing the hard collar beneath. A cold metallic reminder of her situation that she can never escape no matter how hard she tries. Here is where his anger emerges, a red-hot glare at the thing that holds her whole life in the balance. Then he’s looking at her again and that gaze is softening all over again.
Sasazuka is far more expressive than she’d first realized.
“Even cats get upset sometimes,” he grumbles, reaching his hands up to cup her cheeks and flick her tears away with his thumbs. He pulls away quickly but the touch alone leaves her head reeling. “I doubt it will make you feel any better but quarantined like we are, we're all Adonis’ lab rats. They could kill any of us at any point if they truly wanted to, we’re made aware of that every countdown. They’ve just decided to… prolong their experiment on you, for some reason.”
Ichika laughs weakly, the sound wet in her ears. “That… kind of makes me feel worse. You're really bad at this.”
Scoffing, Sasazuka’s cheeks redden as he glances off to the side for a moment. Hesitating, he grabs the donut he’d given her earlier and held it up, just as he had earlier. It feels different this time though… more caring then before. Ichika knew he liked sweets so maybe that's what made him feel better and he was trying it with her? It’s not particularly helpful but the effort makes her feel warm. “Shut up! My point was that you aren’t alone. Dogs are social creatures, aren’t they? Even dumb ones like you need some company.”
Taking the donut, Ichika takes a bite and contemplates his words. In general it’s true that her situation is fairly hopeless and that no matter what happens it’s likely to end in her death. Still, the idea that she isn’t alone does make her feel a little better. Ichika doesn’t know what she’d do if the guys hadn’t found her. “Thank you, Sasazuka.”
Turning back to his computer he grumbles something about her being an idiot and they leave it at that.