Chapter Text
Deterministic Chaos
It’s not as if Viktor had ever meant to hide his classification, it's just that… Well, it was so hard to get anything done with all the pity surrounding him already and he’s not sure if he could manage if he was coddled not only because of his pallor but his class as well. It wasn’t that he had meant to suppress his little tendencies either, he just didn’t want to feel so useless everytime he started tearing up at the slightest inconvenience or when something inside of him would prevent him from uttering a single intelligible word and instead forcing him to resort to humming and babbles; so he simply did all in his power to avoid falling into that headspace, and he had felt so awful already, it’s not as if the side effects of suppressing his class would bother him (and if he woke up to wet sheets more often than dry ones, well that was no one’s business but his own).
So, it wasn’t that Viktor had wanted nobody to know of his classification, it was just that– well, Viktor didn’t want anyone to know of his classification.
Luckily, it wasn’t particularly difficult for him to hide it from others, by the time that he had corrolled his headspace to the point that he could simply pretend it didn’t exist (at least he could pretend around others, when he was alone it was completely different story) he had (unofficially) joined the ranks of Piltover academy. Perhaps when Heimerdinger had found out that he wasn’t technically a student at the academy, he should have came clean of all his secrets, but… he was so relieved that he wouldn’t be kicked back to Zaun that he didn’t want to ruin it by telling the man just how high-maintenance he was; So, he chose to maintain the secret. it wasn’t really lying, he would tell himself, it was just omitting certain unnecessary truths.
Maybe, just maybe , Viktor should have told Jayce at some point before they became partners. There simply wasn’t a proper time for it, it wasn’t like he would go broadcasting his classification to any and every academy delinquent that he was forced to inspect, and by the time that it would be appropriate to tell the man he had just won his academic respect and Viktor didn’t want to ruin that (He very directly ignored how the man was a caregiver, and how he would soon learn– absolutely obsessed with the idea of having a little).
He wasn’t sure exactly if it was his declining health, or if his headspace was simply trying to make Viktor drop due to the stress of discovering how to harness the hex crystals, but for two weeks straight Viktor had woken up with tears in his eyes and wet sheets, all whilst tilting dangerously near his headspace. He knew that if he did choose to let his headspace overtake him, it would be a struggle to get out of, and he didn’t have that kind of time to waste. So, as any rational individual would have done, Viktor avoided any and all forms of sleep.
Avoiding sleep, it seemed, wasn’t all that difficult when there was so much to be done. If he didn’t have blueprints to draw up, then he had equations to write down or prototypes to trial. He glared at Jayce whenever the larger man had questioned Viktor when the last time the man had taken a sleep longer than fifteen minutes (“closing your eyes when you sneeze doesn’t count, Viktor!”) and if he had noticed the slight tremor his arms had picked up he’d blame it on the intense amount of caffeine he had consumed.
He had it perfectly under control , thank you very much. In fact, Viktor thought that he was doing a pretty fantastic job of controlling his headspace considering that even Jayce, the person he worked with and was closest to, didn’t even suspect a thing– if the way he divulged the fact that he had never met a ‘real live little’ before; Viktor was unfortunately unsuccessful in stifling the snort that had came out of him in response.
So Viktor couldn’t stop the pride that flooded his chest when he realised that anyone who had looked at him would be fooled into believing he was a neutral, or well, he thought so until he had met one Mel Medarda.
Mel, or rather Councillor Medarda as he had taken to calling her in hopes of putting some metaphorical distance between the two, was a caregiver just like Jayce, unlike Jayce however, Mel was incredibly observant, and had the tendency to look at Viktor as if she had figured out all of his secrets before she had figured out his name. Perhaps he was simply being paranoid, but for a man with so many secrets her demeanour was worrying.
Viktor had almost managed to convince himself that the very notion of Mel figuring out his class was absurd, almost that is. He just couldn’t ignore the softened tone that she used with him, a direct contrast to the commanding presence that she inflicted upon everyone else. Every time that she would ask him of his health or sleeping and eating habits Viktor felt a cold pang of fear shoot through him as his mind frantically yelled “she knows! she knows!”, instead of falling prey to the fear that flooded him though, Viktor would simply bristle and answer with as few words as possible without seeming impolite. In some ways, Viktor had felt bad, it wasn’t as if Mel had really done anything to deserve his distaste, but he’d then remind himself of all that was at stake if his secret had got out, a possible friendship with the councillor wasn’t worth all that he had worked towards.
So Viktor would continue as he was, content with the forced disdain he projected towards Mel, content with keeping Jayce at an arm's length to avoid melting into headspace whenever the larger man would so much smile at him, content with staying up for days at end in the lab before inevitably passing out in an inconvenient position before waking up and scrambling to rid himself of his wet clothes before anyone could see.
Viktor was content; he should have known that it wouldn’t last.