Work Text:
They call him eccentric. It works to keep the rumors more or less under the control of the PR department, despite the fact that Tony is a lot more than just an eccentric billionaire. He doesn't really have a name for it until he stumbles across an article while searching for something entirely different, but sometimes he just gets so distracted and - Oh. Right.
The current hyper-fixation of the moment is safe, cost efficient hot plates geared toward dormitories and low income housing. It's going well, considering. His search started as a way to research what people in these situations needed and descended into articles and videos of people talking about adult ADHD, and Tony finds himself seated in front of his computer at half past three in the morning crying his eyes out because oh my god he's not alone in this and he's not fucked up– he's just undiagnosed.
He's shivering.
He's hungry.
It's cold and he hasn't slept in over 36 hours because he can't stop and he's forgotten to eat and every time he thinks I should get a sweatshirt something dings and he gets distracted again and-
Pressing the heel of his hand into his eye, Tony tries to fight his tears. The workshop is a mess around him, tools and blueprints and forgotten cups of coffee scattered around like his thoughts are scattered throughout his brain. He has four angry voicemails from friends he was supposed to call but forgot to. They think he's irresponsible. He's not. But unless they're right there in front of him, he can't seem to remember them. Out of sight, out of mind.
It's not that he doesn't love them because fuck he really does. When they do get together, it's like they've never been apart. At least that's what it's like for him. He supposes they might think differently.
He needs a shower. Water . Food that's green and comes from the earth and not some prepackaged processed bullshit that does nothing more than keep his belly quiet.
He needs to be a better person.
Adult ADHD has other ideas, and Tony knows he should get formally diagnosed and maybe go on medicine, but what if it changes him and he can't work and he can't create and he's not a genius anymore and he's not useful. Then no one will want him and he'll really be alone and he'll have no one to grow old with and-
Steve!
He forgot to call Steve and he was supposed to meet him for dinner, but Tony got distracted and fixated and what day is it?!
They call it object permanence. It's a common symptom of ADHD. So is sensory overload, which explains why he hates buzzing sounds and needs his music to drown out all outside stimuli and speaking of stimuli they say that adults with ADHD use stimming as a form of comfort and for fucks sake he needs to stop tapping the arc reactor but he can't and what was that about listening to the same music and watching the same shows over and over because no, he most certainly did not start How I Met Your Mother all over again last night and-
STEVE!
How does this keep happening? And how did it go from 3AM to almost 9AM without him knowing it?!
Pushing the pens and spare parts from a Wal-Mart camper stove he's studying out of the way, Tony grabs his phone and scrolls to Steve's number.
He's one of the missed calls, and Tony's heart drops. This is it. If he calls, Steve is going to break up with him because he's an awful boyfriend who can't seem to get his shit together.
Steve is so organized and precise and type A and he has a schedule that he actually keeps to and his room is so neat and he's so good at time management and being punctual and he hasn't seen Tony's closet yet because Tony keeps shoving things in there to hide the fact that he can't throw anything away and please don't find out that I'm not normal because then you won't like me and-
Taking a deep breath, Tony let's one of his metaphorical masks fall into place and hits Steve's number. He's got this. He can pretend that he's just been busy and he'll make it up to Steve and not that he's a huge fucking mess.
"Don't bother."
Snapping around so fast that he almost falls off his stool, Tony's eyes widen at seeing Steve leaning against the door frame. He hits the end button on his phone, ashamed.
"Fuck."
"JARVIS told me you were pretty deep," Steve says and nods his head to Tony's monitor, indicating the open article on Adult ADHD. "Finally figured it out, did you?"
"What?" Tony is taken aback for a breath before he springs into action, clicking off the screen and standing so he's ready to… To do something. He doesn't know what but Steve can't know he can't, he can't, if he finds out that Tony is flawed like this, that he's-
Wait.
"What do you mean- finally figured it out?" He heavily drops back to the stool.
"Clint is actually the one who suggested it, but it was Bruce who did the research and confirmed it. We were just waiting for you to have that ‘lightbulb’ moment." Pausing, Steve walks in and up to Tony, who's still seated. He slides his arms around Tony and pulls him close, kissing the top of his head. "We knew if we said anything, you wouldn't believe us. You had to figure it out for yourself, Dorothy."
"Dorothy?"
Chuckling, Steve pulls Tony off the stool so he's standing, "There's nothing wrong with you, but Bruce thinks medication could help. He's looked into a few and thinks he knows the best one. You'll have to get formally diagnosed, but he can converse with your doctor and recommend his findings."
It's a bit too much to take in, and Tony's crying again and what the actual fuck? But he's relieved. He's...He doesn't really know but it's like the weight of all his tendencies and eccentricities is lifted off of him just enough that it doesn't feel so heavy.
"I don't mean to forget," he mumbles, changing the subject like only he can. "I love you, and I love spending time with you, but then I start working, and it's like that's my only focus. I'm sorry. And why the fuck am I crying?"
"I know, Tony. And we're all willing to let you get away with things we wouldn't with other people, you know that, right? Because other people don't have what you have, and they're also just… Not you." Steve's fingers glide under Tony's chin, forcing him to look up at Steve.
"You have a huge heart and a brilliant mind, and we love you for that. Your ticks are what make you different. None of us, least of all me, want them to go away completely because they are what make you so wholly unique. But we can see how distressing some of them are for you. That's why we're suggesting medication. But if you don't want to, no one will force you and no one is going to abandon you. We all know what we signed up for when we decided to love Tony Stark."
"But what if I can't work? What if I'm no longer smart or-"
This time, Steve kisses Tony's lips. Soft enough to convey his love but firm enough to shut down this particular brand of thought. "Clint figured it out because he's got it also. He says the meds actually help him hone in on what he's doing and make him better at it. I suspect it'll be the same for you."
"I feel like I'm crazy."
Smiling, Steve puts his arm around Tony's waist, tugging him forward so they're walking to the door. "You are. So are all of us. I believe it was the Mad Hatter that said the best people are."
"You go from The Wizard of Oz to Alice in Wonderland. I love that."
"I know." They've made it through the door and Tony blinks, completely unsure of how Steve managed that when Tony himself hadn't been able to. "So, why don't we go down the rabbit hole and see how this plays out? Take a shower, eat some food, and then Bruce has an assessment he'd like to give you that you can take to your doctor."
"How did you know?" Tony asks as Steve leads him up the stairs, "That I had figured it out?"
"I asked JARVIS to keep an eye on you."
"Oh. And you're really okay with this? Because in my closet, I mean there's more than skeletons in there."
Steve laughs but it's not in a mocking way. It's fond and sweet and knowing. "People call them doom bags and I'll help you go through them if you want."
"Really?"
"Promise." Stopping as they reach the landing, Steve pulls Tony close, tilts his head up, and kisses him deeply. "I love you. Every part of you, even the parts you don't think are perfect. Because I do think they are. They're you. They're Tony. And he's a pretty great guy."
"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." -Dr. Seuss