Chapter Text
Scott drummed his fingers on the desk, hearing Tessa’s sigh beside him. Patrice watched them both, inwardly rolling his eyes.
“You’re supposed to participate in the drills we do, in interacting with the other skaters,” he said pointedly. Tessa and Scott had once again staunchly refused to change partners in the skating drills that morning and he’d pulled them into his office.
“We are participating. We just don’t think we need to change partners for it. I’m supposed to be in unison with Scott. Only with Scott,” said Tessa.
“Sure, but it offers a different dynamic when you skate with another partner for the exercises,” said Patrice.
“Patrice, we love training here and participating, but I just don’t see why I need to adjust to anyone but Tessa,” said Scott.
“Fine. Stay in your bubble. But if the other skaters give you a wide berth, you’ll know it’s because you aren’t letting them in,” said Patrice.
Tessa shrugged. “We don’t mind. We’re focused on the Olympics and our own preparation and training.”
She and Scott looked at each other when Patrice dismissed them with a sigh, trying not to laugh.
“Are we really already getting into trouble?” he asked, smirking.
“I feel like we just came back from the principal’s office,” said Tessa.
“Have you ever been in the principal’s office, T?” teased Scott.
She thought back. “No.”
“Thought so,” said Scott with a chuckle. “You always followed the rules.”
“We better get back on the ice before we get into more trouble,” said Tessa.
He nodded, reaching out to push a lock of hair that had come out of her bun behind her ear. “Let’s go.”
She felt the heat in her cheeks, trying to keep her head down so that he didn’t realize that his touch did things to her that she didn’t think were normal for best friends. It had been that way for a while now. She didn’t think he could feel the same. She kept quiet about it. It was a struggle sometimes but she’d been managing. The close proximity with him training every day helped. If she couldn’t see him she thought it would be so much worse.
They had a mental prep session with JF that afternoon, both taking copious notes and discussing the upcoming Olympics and their mental preparation in detail. JF had a word with them both separately at the end and Tessa avoided Scott's eyes a little as she came out of her session, finding him waiting outside.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “Your turn.” She nodded towards the room she’d just come out of.
“Yeah, see you later,” said Scott, squeezing her hand as he went inside.
The door closed behind him and she sat down for a moment. Would JF ask Scott the same thing now? Ugh. She wasn’t as slick as she thought if their mental prep coach had asked her whether she was coping okay dealing with her feelings for Scott. She’d told him she was fine, bristling at the implication. He’d apologized, telling her that he needed to be on top of anything that could harm their journey to the Olympics. She’d nodded, hoping that part was over now. It was, he didn’t take it further today. He told her they could talk more about it in her next solo session.
Scott sat down, taking a swig of his water. He sputtered when their mental prep coach asked him how he was coping with his feelings for Tessa, as if it was a normal everyday question. There was no discomfort asking him something so personal, it was as if they were discussing the weather. He tried not to show how rattled he was.
“What?” he asked, his eyebrows rising to their highest extent.
“I’m sorry, but I need to keep on top of everything that could impede your mental preparation for the games,” said JF.
“And asking if I’m in love with Tessa is part of that?” asked Scott.
“I didn’t say you were in love. I asked about your feelings,” said JF, trying not to smirk.
“Fuck,” said Scott, annoyed. “Tell me you didn’t ask Tessa this too.”
“Client confidentiality,” said JF, spreading his palms. He had to admit he was enjoying this a little too much.
“Why do you ask?” said Scott, throwing the question back.
“Because it’s starting to affect you. I’ve seen the way you look at her. I’ve seen that sometimes your head isn’t fully focused on the prize. It’s focused on Tessa. Am I wrong?” asked JF.
Scott sighed. “It’s all confidential, right?” he asked after a lengthy pause.
“Yes, of course,” said JF.
“I am in love with Tessa,” admitted Scott. “But it’s stupid and she doesn’t feel the same. Can we stop talking about this now?”
“It’s not that simple,” said JF. “How do you know she doesn’t feel the same? Have you asked her?”
“Hell no!” Scott stared at him. “I’m not ruining this partnership by asking her that and having her run for the hills.”
JF scribbled in his notebook. “You need to consider how it will continue to affect you all the way up to the Olympics. Maybe even beyond. You need to keep in mind that as long as it’s there, as long as it’s taking up space in your head, you won’t be as focused as you should be.”
“What do you suggest? Just not loving her anymore? It’s not that simple either,” said Scott, rolling his eyes.
“I’m not suggesting that. I meant that you have to tell her. Get it out in the open, see where you both stand and move on fully focused on the gold medal you both have a very high chance of getting,” said JF.
Scott shook his head. “Can I go now?”
“Sure, we’ll talk more in your next private session,” said JF.
Scott left quickly and JF chuckled to himself. Patrice and Marie-France had come to him with concerns about their star students. They weren’t participating in Gadbois activities, or they were, but they were only doing them together and refusing to do anything that involved switching partners. Plus they kept to themselves and weren’t really gelling with the other skaters. Scott was the person they could count on to always immerse himself and be an integral part of keeping the atmosphere fun. He was outgoing and popular. But even he had been keeping to himself, always with Tessa and not a part of the group. JF had told them his theory and Patch and Marie had practically laughed. Of course they were in love. But neither of them had done anything about it. They needed to though. It needed to be tackled now before it became a larger issue.
Tessa sat there numbly, ditching any pretence of taking notes, her pen dropping out of her hand. “Are you serious?”
Scott was pretending he wasn’t listening, his ears red and looking extremely uncomfortable. He was an open book and it showed.
“I’m sorry but we have to tackle this before it becomes a problem,” said JF.
“You’re making a problem out of nothing,” said Scott quietly.
“I don’t think that I am,” said JF, not at all offended that his clients were far from impressed with him. “When your coaches have noticed there is an issue and they come to me with it, then we have to deal with it. That’s what I’m here for.”
“Okay, fine, what do you want us to do?” asked Tessa briskly, masking her discomfort.
Leaving the office, Scott still determinedly not looking at her, she had to say something, anything to break this tension between them.
“Did you expect that?” asked Tessa, pretending she was completely at ease. “They’ve been reading too many online comments about us.”
“Right,” said Scott, his heart sinking. He didn’t know how this whole subject being brought up by their mental prep coach (and obviously from Marie and Patch) had made him think that maybe it wasn’t just him. That they’d seen something from Tessa too. He hadn’t seen it, but maybe they had. Now he just felt stupid to have gotten his hopes up.
When they arrived at their apartment building, Tessa asked him to come in for a few minutes. He did, standing around awkwardly. She sat down on the couch and he copied her, sitting too, still avoiding her gaze.
“So our homework,” said Tessa, glancing down at the notes she’d made. “Talk about our feelings.”
Scott said nothing. Could they just go back to before when he wasn’t being asked uncomfortable questions? He really wanted to go back in time and just enjoy spending time with her again. A time that wasn’t awkward and wasn’t taken up with questions like this.
“We could skip homework and just watch a movie,” he mumbled.
“We could,” said Tessa, watching his face.
It was one thing for her to brush it off and pretend she wasn’t affected but Scott had been quiet since they’d left JF’s office. Was he that disgusted by the implication that they should talk about whether they liked each other? Was the idea of dating her so repulsive to him?
“So, I get that I’m just like a little sister to you or whatever, so maybe we can just say that,” she said, not looking directly at him.
He cringed. “You’re nothing like a sister to me.”
“Oh,” she said.
“Why? How do you see me? Am I like your brother?” Scott felt disgusted with the thought alone. It felt wrong to ever think about Tessa in such a way. He’d grown up with her, sure. But she meant so much to him. He was in love with her.
Tessa made a face. “No. Definitely not. We are definitely not like that kind of family.”
“But we’re family?” he said, feeling even worse.
“You’re my family here in Montreal,” mused Tessa. “You’re my best friend.”
“It’s the same for me,” he said with a nod.
She pursed her lips, thinking back to JF’s instructions about what they were supposed to talk about. “So, uh, JF said I have to tell you what I would think if you were dating someone,” she said.
He sighed. “Well, I’m not.”
“But if you were, I guess my thoughts would be ...” Tessa sighed, pausing to get her thoughts in order. This was hard. It was hard to pretend she wouldn’t be heartbroken if Scott was dating someone. “That I hope she deserves you. Because you’re really special.” She felt like crying. This was a terrible activity but she’d do this homework. She was too hard of a worker not to. Even if it hurt her.
“Thanks,” he said dully. “So since you’re insisting we do this homework. I don’t know, are you dating someone?”
“No, I’m not,” she said immediately.
“So if you were, I guess other than being worried and wanting to make sure you’re happy, that I’d hope for that too. That he deserves someone special like you,” said Scott.
She nodded. “Thanks.”
“Okay, have we finished this stupid thing now?” he asked.
Tessa was taken aback for a moment. “Gosh, Scott, you say really sweet things and then you say that and I wonder why it bothers you so much. They just asked us to be on the same page, you don’t have to date me,” she said, hurt.
He laughed dryly. “On the same page? We’re not.”
“What do you mean, we’re not?” she said.
“Just that the page I’m on and the page you’re on are completely different,” said Scott, shrugging.
She looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I could say a lot but I don’t think you want to hear it,” he said.
She tried to read his face. He was unreadable at the moment. He was always so open and right now he looked nervous, uncomfortable even. But she couldn’t read his thoughts. “Tell me, please.”
“Well, let’s just say I like you too much, more than I’m supposed to as your friend,” he mumbled.
She stared at him. “You like me?”
He frowned. Saying it like that and hiding the extent of it from her sounded wrong somehow. It was just so inadequate to describe his feelings.
He took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you and I’m sorry because I guess for you that’s…” He struggled to find the right word. “Inconvenient. I guess it would be inconvenient for you. And I’m sorry.”
He kept talking, nerves making him say it all a little fast but he needed to keep speaking or he’d lose his nerve. “You don’t need to feel bad. I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you. I wasn’t supposed to make things weird. I hope it’s not weird. I’ll always be here as your friend and your partner, no matter what.”
He looked at Tessa, waiting for her to say something. To do something. Even if it was to slap him and ask what was wrong with him. But she didn’t. He didn’t detect reproach but he also didn’t detect enthusiasm or happiness. She seemed frozen.
When she still didn’t speak, he sighed. “I’d die if you weren’t in my life. I’d die inside, I wouldn’t be the same man. I don’t want you to feel weird around me. I just want to see you happy. That’s not with me and that’s fine. Okay, I should stop talking before you end up hating me.”
He fidgeted in his seat, looking down at his lap rather than up at her. He’d managed to look her in the eyes the whole time he spoke, but now that connection was too raw. He had to look away.
Tessa stared at him. There were so many things going through her mind. This whole exercise to talk about their feelings had somehow led to this. A confession of love. Her mind threw one question after another at her. Was he just her friend? No. She had been nursing feelings for him too. Feelings she had thought were only hers to bear. But he was here offering her more. Did she want it? Yes. Was she terrified? Yes. What was so scary? It was just Scott. Scott was there for her. Scott supported her and loved her. Scott made her laugh every day. He seemed to get a thrill from making her laugh. And she always did. Even at the same jokes they’d been telling each other for 20 years.
She did love him. But there was just one complication. The looming Olympics. Obviously it was already affecting them if Marie and Patch had gone to JF and asked him to tackle this issue with them. But this moment, right now, sitting on her couch, was just between her and Scott. Her lips tingled. She wanted to feel his kiss. To know how it felt … beyond the chaste kisses on the ice. She wanted to feel, to really feel. But she was getting ahead of herself.
He was looking down, avoiding her gaze now after baring his heart to her. She needed to bare hers too. To let him know that she felt it too. All of it. Just like he did.