Archive of Our Own

Sehun leaned back in his seat, hoping he looked half as cool as he thought he did.

The tiny cafe buzzed with people coming and going as the quiet murmuring made a fitting accompaniment to the lo-fi music drifting from the small speakers.

It was his fifth time here, at this specific cafe, this week.

His roommate, Jongin, had already called him obsessed.

He wasn’t obsessed per se, rather the environment in the cafe and the plethora of non-coffee drinks worked well for him.

The really cute barista also helped too.

With an air of nonchalance, Sehun craned his neck and looked over at the counter. Junmyeon, said cute barista, was working hard scrubbing a few sticky blenders before the next wave of customers came in.

Contrary to the cafe’s cozy interior, the exterior wasn’t all that eye-catching. Sehun supposed that anyone who ended up inside the first time, had stumbled upon it.

By accident.

Now, he couldn’t get enough of how rosy and shiny Junmyeon’s cheeks got whenever someone ordered the house special. A strawberry latte with rabbit drawn in the foam.

He’d even ordered one his third time coming, just to have the smile directed at him once. Sehun had also suffered the dire consequences of spending upwards of an hour in the bathroom later that day because of the caffeine.

Now, Sehun scrolled down his Instagram feed, double tapping whatever looked worth liking.

There were pictures of Chanyeol and Jongin piled on top of Kyungsoo on a beach, a video of Minseok celebrating his ph.D with his boyfriends—yes, boyfriend(s)—Baekhyun and Jongdae, plus some posts from the few celebrities Sehun actually cared about.

When the gentle aroma of coffee beans and nutmeg wafted past him, Sehun looked up and locked eyes with Junmyeon.

Time seemed to stop at that moment and however cool Sehun was trying to appear, went out the window. He couldn’t see his own face, but he could feel how stiff it got.

“You’ve been coming here for a few weeks right?” Junmyeon’s soft voice broke Sehun from his trance and he gave a silent nod.

He probably looked dumb.

“Well it’s nice to see a new regular. The next time you come is it okay if I make your usual? Chai latte, right?” Sehun gave another nod, but this time his dry lips finally separated and he added a raspy, “sure.”

Another smile was thrown his way and Junmyeon made his way around the cafe, moving from table to table as he cleaned and carried away trash.

Before he started to look like a creep, Sehun drained the rest of his drink and got up, walking his tray over to the other worker, Taeyong.

“Have a good day, Sehun!” Junmyeon called behind him as he walked out. Sehun couldn’t muster up the courage to turn around and return the sentiment, so he just gave a stiff head tilt and raised his hand.

Hopefully, Junmyeon got that it was well intentioned.

Sehun sipped his lukewarm latte and watched as Junmyeon handed a handsome—Chinese?—guy a cup of coffee and a bag of something from the display case.

The smile he wore was bigger and wider than Sehun had ever seen and it sent his mind spiraling with questions.

Was he a friend?

A classmate?

Maybe even a former co-worker?

Before he could come up with more possibilities, Junmyeon glanced around the mostly empty cafe before he leaned over the counter and grabbed the man’s jacket. When he was close enough, Junmyeon pressed their lips together with a grin.

Oh.

A boyfriend.

It took the metaphorical wind from his sails and he spilled some of his tea onto the table.

Even as his heart sunk, the fluttering in his chest didn’t go away.

“Going to Rabbit Garden again? Don’t you ever get sick of that place?” Jongin whined, tugging at the edge of Sehun’s jacket.

Sehun leveled him with a stare that would’ve made anyone else’s balls retreat back into their body, but Jongin seemed unphased.

“Point taken.” Jongin’s response was grumbled and with a resigned sigh, he followed behind Sehun to Rabbit Garden’s side entrance.

When they stepped inside, Junmyeon greeted them as usual and he immediately went to make Sehun’s order. As he reached for the milk from the mini fridge underneath the counter, he paused a second because it was then that he noticed Jongin’s presence. With a soft hum, he pulled out another cup and sat it next to Sehun’s.

“Your friend looks like he could use something to warm him up,” Junmyeon chimed as he pushed the cups toward where Sehun was waiting.

Sehun’s eyes widened because he’d already given the money to Taeyong and he started to reach in his pocket for more. Junmyeon made a tsking sound and shook his head, “this one is on the house.”

Jongin’s eyes widened and he whipped his head in Sehun’s direction, staring as if silently asking if Junmyeon was serious.

Sehun motioned for him to take the cup and Jongin thanked Junmyeon with a shallow bow and a quiet “thanks.”

With his drink cradled in his hands, Jongin rushed over to the spot Sehun had decided was his favorite.

Tucked away in the corner, it was the perfect place to not only watch as new people wandered in and ordered, but also to see Junmyeon.

“Is he seriously always that nice? Is that why you keep coming back even though you said he has a boyfriend?” Jongin might as well have screamed, because his idea of a whisper was more of a glorified stage whisper.

Taeyong, if he was even there, probably heard him from the breakroom.

Sehun glared in response, then shrugged because, yes, it was why he kept coming back. Not that he would admit that out loud.

“You said you wanted to go somewhere quiet, so can you like, I don’t know, be quiet?” Sehun added. There was a lot more snark than he intended but Jongin could handle it. After being roommates with him for over three years and being his best friend for even longer, he’d grown thicker skin to combat Sehun’s fireless insults.

Jongin rolled his eyes and took out his laptop from his tote bag, sliding it next to the porcelain rabbit mug, “I bet you’re glad you were too chicken shit to ask him out earlier. That would’ve been embarrassing if he’d rejected you outright.”

He didn’t dignify Jongin’s words with a reaction or response because Jongin was right. He was glad.

Glad that he didn’t make a fool of himself and make it so he could never come back to Rabbit Garden again.

As things were, he was perfectly fine with talking to Junmyeon about stupid shit like the weather, how busy the cafe was or something just as mundane. He was happy that Junmyeon gave him the time of day at all.

While Jongin typed away at his keyboard, Sehun got lost in an article about a sea slug that resembled a rabbit on his phone. When Junmyeon approached the table quietly and Sehun looked up and saw the man, he nearly jumped out of his seat.

Junmyeon looked just as surprised and he let out a nervous laugh, “sorry about that. I’ve been told I have a habit of sneaking up on people. Anyway, let me know if you like your drinks. I tried something new today and I wanted to know if you could taste the difference.”

The whole time Junmyeon spoke, Sehun stared at his soft, pink lips.

The sheer amount of times he’d imagined himself kissing those same lips was easily beginning to fall into the thousands. The fact that Junmyeon wasn’t single had done very little to taper his imagination.

“I’m sure it’ll taste great. Thank you for the drink, uh,” Jongin, like the actual good friend he was, leaned forward, pretending to read Junmyeon’s name tag, “Junmyeon.”

Sehun immediately took a sip of drink and noted that there was a distinct floral taste that accompanied the slight spice of the chai.

“Rose?” Sehun mumbled, looking up at Junmyeon in curiosity.

The barista rubbed at the back of his neck and nodded, “just wanted to switch things up. With Spring coming soon, I thought people might like flower infused drinks.” Sehun nudged at Jongin and the other took a sip of his own drink.

Sehun had come to be familiar with when Jongin was playing up something or being completely authentic, so when the other closed his eyes and made a soft sound like a moan, he knew Jongin was being completely honest.

“What even is this? It’s delicious.” Junmyeon’s cheeks flushed with pink and he launched into a quick explanation of the fact that it was honey lavender hot chocolate. When he finished, he twisted the edge of his apron in his hands, obviously flustered by Jongin’s praise.

“I’m glad you both liked it so much. I’ll make sure to tell Taeyong the flavors are strong contenders for the Spring menu.” After that, Junmyeon thanked them again and he returned behind the counter.

Springtime came quicker than Sehun had anticipated and with it came a strange twinge in his chest.

It started in the middle of the night and Sehun sat up, clutching his chest in pain. He tried to take a sip of water, hoping it would ease the pressure, but it only sent him into a violent coughing fit.

The scratching of his throat and heaving of his chest hurt so much, it made colors burst beneath his eyelids.

Somehow, in his fit, he rushed to the bathroom because he felt the need to throw up and bent over the toilet.

Whatever came up from his stomach ripped and tore at his throat so roughly, he dropped to his knees and cradled the toilet bowl.

What had he eaten to make him sick like this?

When he stopped heaving and found the strength to stand up, he reached for the lights and flicked them on.

In the toilet bowl in front of him wasn’t what he expected at all.

Instead of regurgitated rice, kimchi and bean sprout soup, there were bloody white rose petals scattered in the bowl.

Sehun thought he might be seeing things incorrectly or that he was still dreaming, but when he stood in front of the mirror and splashed water on his face, the flower petals were still there.

It took a few moments for it to register that he was indeed awake and that he’d definitely thrown up flower petals.

He didn’t recall eating a bouquet of flowers recently, so the petals didn’t make sense until he sat down on his bed with his teeth freshly brushed.

His eyes wandered to the manga Jongin had given him to read a few weeks ago and only recently had he actually gotten around to reading it.

“There’s no fucking way that’s real.” Sehun groaned, his voice coming out no more than a croak.

Jongin, who’d probably heard him vomiting, stumbled into the hallway with heavy footsteps and wrenched the door open. Standing at the threshold in his favorite teddy bear pajamas, Jongin was holding a glass of water and what looked like a hangover vitamin drink.

“Didn’t know you drank last night, but holy shit, that was loud. Did you try to outdrink Minseok hyung again?” Sehun shook his head, his eyes falling back on the manga.

“I threw up flower petals.” The automatic lights in the hallway dimmed and Sehun looked up in time to see his eyes widen.

“That’s not real. You’re fucking with me,” Jongin chuckled, crossing his arms in front his chest after he handed off the water.

“It’s as real as d--” in the midst of Sehun’s sentence, he let out a body-heaving hiccup and with it came several red-tinged flower petals. Instead of saying anything further, Sehun just held out the petals for Jongin to see and the other man rubbed at his head, the smile from a few moments ago gone.

Jongin and Sehun stayed up for the rest of the night and early morning, researching and trying to find out as much as they could.

They also kept a trash can near Sehun just in case he felt the need to spew more flowers, because Sehun was already sick of cleaning up soggy petals.

Article after article mentioned how the disease could be deadly if left alone, but Sehun swallowed it--and a few bits of roses--down and refused Jongin’s request to go to the hospital.

His fear of needles far outweighed his fear of death, so several days passed like that: Jongin begging Sehun to go to the hospital and Sehun declining and changing the topic in favor of other things.

Sehun caved in eventually because a week after things started, Jongin stormed into his room, drunk, in tears and demanding he get up and go to the hospital.

Once he was there, fear aside, Sehun realized that there wasn’t much they could do to help him. It was all the doctors had told him in so many words and the few prescriptions they gave him, would only make him comfortable.

There was syrup to soothe his throat and the coughing, pills to help him sleep and general pain medicine. When the pharmacist pushed the white bag of medicine at him, she gave him a pitiful look and Sehun immediately looked away.

He was full up on pity and didn’t need anymore.

Three weeks passed and despite the efforts of his medicine, he became accustomed to his scratchy throat and the ever-present tossing of his stomach.

His already scarce diet dwindled to soup and nearly-scalding tea, because they were the only things that helped with his throat and settled his stomach.

Sehun also developed the habit of avoiding Rabbit Garden whenever Jongin or any of their other friends brought it up.

“I, uh, went there a few days ago and the barista asked about you,” Chanyeol stammered, unsure if he should continue. Sehun gave him a blank look and Jongin nodded, so he continued to talk, “he said he remembered us coming together and wondered if you were sick. When I told him you were, he looked really upset and it seemed like he wanted to ask more but didn’t want to cross any lines.”

Sehun’s stupid heart skipped a few beats in his chest, but his facial expression remained blank as he stared at the notes in front of him.

The less he thought about Junmyeon, the less flower petals he threw up. When finals came and his mind was preoccupied with things other than his pathetic love life, he didn’t throw up or hiccup once. He was even able to enjoy something other than soup for a while.

It was a sort of relief, not that it lasted because Sehun was never so fortunate.

As he walked home from his first exam, staring down at his phone and replying back to Jongin and Chanyeol’s messages about going day-drinking, he slammed into someone.

While he merely teetered on his feet, the other person hit the ground with a thud and Sehun shoved his phone in his pocket and opened his mouth, ready to fire off a million apologies and offer his hand to help them up.

Of course, when he looked down, it was no one other than Junmyeon, dressed in a black hoodie with red eyes, looking like he hadn’t slept in a week.

When a flash of recognition lit up Junmyeon’s eyes, he tried--and failed--to scramble to his feet and Sehun did end up reaching to help him up.

The warmth of his smaller hand made Sehun feel things he’d successfully been ignoring and he could feel the familiar ache return to his chest.

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Junmyeon stammered, now standing on his feet and looking embarrassed. He offered Sehun this sad smile that made his heart hurt for another reason and despite everything screaming for Sehun to just offer his own apology and move on, something made him stand there and wait.

For what, he wasn’t sure, but he did wait.

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon answered his question with a flat laugh.

“Not really, honestly. It’s hard to be okay when your boyfriend of four years breaks up with you over text. If you’re asking about the fall, trust me when I say I barely felt it.” In what had to be an interesting feat, Junmyeon managed to sound both apathetic and teeming with barely concealed anger.

It broke Sehun’s heart.

“I know we aren’t really close, but do you want to talk about it?” The throbbing in Sehun’s chest got worse and taking shallow breaths began to hurt. He wanted to reach in his backpack and take a pain pill, but the thankful expression that crossed Junmyeon’s face made him pause.

“You’re not...uhm, busy?” Sehun shook his head and offered Junmyeon a gentle smile.

“Not really. Just finished my last exam of the semester, so I’m as free as I’ll ever be.” Relief washed over Junmyeon’s face and he nodded.

“There’s a Coffee Bean right off campus, is that okay? I usually don’t like going to other cafes, but I’ve been banned from working until I get myself together…” With a nod, Junmyeon’s smile grew and he led the way.

At first, they walked in silence and Sehun found himself struggling to find something to talk about.

This was the first time he had the opportunity to speak to Junmyeon alone and he was coming up blank, so he stayed silent.

When they reached the coffee shop, Junmyeon--against Sehun’s protests--paid for both their drinks and found a seat upstairs in a secluded corner.

“I’ll admit, it feels like I’m bribing you with hot tea,” Junmyeon started, taking a sip of his cafe latte.

The relaxation that crossed Junmyeon’s face as he tasted his coffee was something Sehun couldn’t take his eyes off of and his stomach lurched. The hot lemon tea only did so much to calm it and he shifted in his seat.

His throat got progressively scratchy as he watched Junmyeon and after a few moments, Sehun reached for a few napkins and turned his head, coughing into it.

As usual, a few bloody white petals were wetly clumped together. With a massive clear of his throat, Sehun shoved the napkins into his bag and looked up at Junmyeon.

The other man was watching him carefully with a concerned frown, “your friend said you’d been sick. I had hoped you’d be better, but it seems to be hanging on?”

There was no way Sehun could explain his condition to the cause of the said illness, so he gave a nod of acknowledgement and took another sip from his tea. Even though it felt like he was swallowing mini razor blades, his heart pounded with every worried glance from Junmyeon.

“I hope you feel better some time soon. Nothing’s worse than when you don’t feel well.”

Despite originally going to the cafe to talk about Junmyeon’s breakup, they ended up talking about everything but that.

Before either of them realized it, they’d been sitting and talking for almost three hours. Sehun only realized what time it was when his stomach growled and his phone flashed with messages from the group chat asking his whereabouts for dinner.

“Ah, I didn’t realize it was as late as it was. You probably want to grab something to eat right? I don’t want to keep you any longer,” Junmyeon mentioned, scratching the back of his neck with a sheepish expression.

Sehun shook his head and stretched in his chair. There was nothing more he wanted to do than sit and talk with Junmyeon.

“It’s really fine. I don’t mind. Are you hungry too? My friends are probably ordering from our favorite Thai place and there’ll be extra.”

The way Junmyeon’s eyes lit up at the invitation made Sehun’s heart skip a beat and now he was actively trying to ignore that his stomach was going through a heavy duty rinse cycle.

“I would like that actually. I’m getting tired of eating alone, thank you for the offer.” With that, Sehun smiled so hard, his cheeks hurt and he hurriedly told Jongin and the others to go ahead with the order.

“We should get going if we want to make it back in time for the food. I think you’ll really like the tom yum goong, it’s my favorite.” Junmyeon nodded and assured Sehun that he would enjoy whatever they had for him.

Nothing could’ve prepared Sehun for the expressions on friends’ faces when they caught sight of Junmyeon trailing in behind him.

Jongin actually dropped his wooden chopsticks on the floor and his mouth hung slack, not even bothering to hide his shock.

“Isn’t that coffee-shop guy?” Kyungsoo whispered, not all that quietly. Chanyeol nodded quickly, then stood on his feet, handing plates to both men.

“Ah, is it too strange to see me outside of the cafe?” Sehun wanted to crawl under a rock, mortified at everyone’s reactions, but Junmyeon seemed to take it in stride and handled things with ease.

Before long, the discomfort that permeated the room dissipated. At least mostly, because Jongin kept shooting worried glances between Sehun and Junmyeon.

“So, do you actually own the cafe or do you just work there? I’ve always wondered but I never got the chance to ask,” Chanyeol asked as a bean sprout hung from the corner of his mouth. It only took a second for Kyungsoo to reach over, endearingly brushing it off with a fond smile on his face.

Usually Jongin and Sehun both protested at such a display of affection, but this time, Jongin’s gaze was locked on Sehun and Sehun’s gaze was on Junmyeon as he watched a pained expression flicker across the man’s face before it was replaced with impassiveness.

“I own it. It’s been in my family for a few years and after I finished my undergrad and master’s, I decided to take it over full time.” Chanyeol hummed in acknowledgement and shot a sugary grin at Kyungsoo before he started rambling about other things.

Jongin chimed in every few moments, but he kept looking at Junmyeon with an expression Sehun couldn’t read, but he wasn’t in the mood to confront him. Instead, he focused his energy on making Junmyeon smile whenever he could.

Sometime around eleven, Junmyeon stood up from his seat and mentioned that he should get going.

“It was nice having dinner with you guys. I really, uh, needed this, ha.” The last bit was said in a flat tone that made Sehun’s throat feel like there was something crawling up it, but he nodded and kept smiling. Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongin said their goodbyes, then Sehun walked Junmyeon downstairs and watched as the man ordered a taxi.

“I really meant it. It was nice getting out of my head. If even only for a few hours. Thank you for taking some pity on me.” There was that flat, depreciative tone again.

It made pain blossom in Sehun’s chest and he cringed when Junmyeon peered down the street, searching for the license plate that matched the number on his screen.

“It wasn’t pity,” Sehun spoke after taking a few deep breaths, trying so hard to hold back on his coughing. At that point, his throat was burning and he knew if he coughed, white petals streaked in blood would come from his mouth and his entire chest would rack with pain.

And Junmyeon would know.

Or it would worry him again.

Sehun wanted to avoid either of those, so he kept clearing his throat until he was sure he’d suppressed his incoming coughing fit.

“It was nice to get to know you better,” Sehun finished off, setting his eyes on Junmyeon who seemed determined to not meet his gaze.

Junmyeon answered with a nod and stared at his feet, only looking up when he heard a car approach. The numbers must’ve matched, because Junmyeon flagged down the taxi and opened the door.

“Text me when you get home.” Junmyeon froze for a moment before he nodded and shot Sehun another sad smile. Then he was off, the taxi pulling out of the parking lot of Sehun’s apartment with a final wave from Junmyeon.

As soon as it was out of sight, Sehun coughed once then dry heaved. The force of it made his eyes water and he stumbled to a patch of grass before he threw up his dinner, along with several flower petals. He wasn’t sure what was blood or soup, but he didn’t feel like lingering to stare at it, simply stumbling back to his apartment.

When the door opened and Jongin caught sight of his watering eyes, hunched posture and the glazed expression he usually got when he threw up, he was on his feet and moving to support some of his weight.

“Did you throw up again?” His throat burned like hell, so Sehun just nodded and allowed Jongin--and apparently Chanyeol--to help him to his bedroom.

“Again?” Chanyeol asked, his face immediately scrunching up in worry. “Is he sick or something?”

They got him to his bed and he took several deep breaths, staring up at the ceiling as they whisper-shouted in the threshold of his room. It went on for a few moments before Sehun shut his eyes tight and swallowed, sitting up.

“You can tell him, Jongin.” His voice was raspy and barely understandable, but Jongin had gotten good at deciphering his garbled squacks over the past few months.

Jongin gave him a concerned look so heavy, he had to lie back down. Even as he did that, he could feel Chanyeol’s eyes on him.

Then, he heard footsteps and Kyungsoo’s voice joined the conversation.

“He has it, doesn’t he? That disease?” If Sehun hadn’t been feeling like he’d just been run over by a truck, he would’ve sat up and stared at Kyungsoo like he imagined Jongin and Chanyeol were.

“The Hanahaki disease, right? I read about it in a magazine, but I didn’t think it was real. I went outside and saw where he threw up. There were flower petals there…”

“Yeah,” Jongin sighed. HIs shoulders were probably hunched and there was a tired and sad look etched into his face.

“Did he go to the hospital?” It was quiet, so Sehun assumed Jongin nodded. “Then, does he have any medicine?”

Several pairs of footsteps left his room and eventually Jongin came back with a bottle of pills from Sehun’s backpack that had been in the living room. Chanyeol returned a few seconds later as well, with a glass of water.

Kyungsoo took both things from the men, then sat on the side of Sehun’s bed, holding out the pills and glass to Sehun.

He took them quickly and settled back down into his pillows.

“Did you go see a specialist? There’s one at the Yonsei Severance Hospital. The article I read was written by her.” Sehun shook his head.

Talking was too much right.

“Then, I’ll call around and see if I can get you an appointment. You should go see what we can do about it, because it doesn’t look like cafe boy is anywhere near ready to start dating again.” Another wave of pain rolled through his body and Sehun sat up, coughing into his hand.

Bloody white petals coated his palm.

“I’m calling tomorrow. Get some rest. Chanyeol, after we help Jongin with the dishes, let’s head home.” A gruff hum came from near the doorway of Sehun’s room and Kyungsoo stood up, patting Sehun on the head softly.

“Depending on how early I can get an appointment, I’ll drive you there. Just take your medicine tonight.” Sehun knew better than to argue with Kyungsoo, so he nodded again and Kyungsoo shooed Chanyeol and Jongin out of the room before he shut the door behind him.

Immediately, Sehun’s room was plunged into darkness and Kyungsoo must’ve made sure Chanyeol and Jongin actually whispered, because he didn’t hear much else after that.

By mid-afternoon the following day, Sehun found himself in the passenger seat of Kyungsoo’s Kia Sorento, gliding through the light traffic of the city with a soft mo-town playlist playing.

“How’s your throat feeling?” Shame burned through Sehun’s body because when Kyungsoo took care of him like this, it made him feel like a child.

But judging from Kyungsoo’s reaction after finding out, it seemed the situation was quite dire, not that Kyungsoo would tell him that directly.

He just simply pieced things together with context clues.

Dread trickled down his spine and spread through his body like red watercolor on a canvas the moment he stepped foot into the hospital. His first instinct was to run, but before he could, Kyungsoo’s strong grip landed on his bicep.

One stern look from the shorter man made him force himself to keep walking forward until they reached the right area of the hospital.

“Mr. Oh?” A nurse asked as soon as they walked into the waiting room. Sehun stared at Kyungsoo with wide eyes and Kyungsoo nodded, letting go of his arm so he could follow the woman.

Sehun slowly walked behind her, feeling somewhat out of place as he left Kyungsoo behind in the waiting room.

“You have two options, Mr. Oh. If being with whoever you hold feelings for is impossible, you need to either have the infection removed or learn to live with the pain. As of right now, the latter option is ill-advised. Most patients die when the flowers within their bodies reach full maturity.”

Dr. Kwon’s words echoed in his mind as he sat, tightlipped, once again in Kyungsoo’s passenger seat.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, but please know that I, as well as Jongin and Chanyeol, care about you and want you to feel better. Everything is your choice, whether it comes to treatment or telling Junmyeon, but we care about you and your health foremost, as your friends.” The sincerity of Kyungsoo’s words sunk like a rock into the pit of Sehun’s stomach and all he could do was nod in acknowledgement before he set his gaze on the rapidly moving street out the window.

He was thankful that he didn’t have class that day, because after Kyungsoo dropped him off, he shut himself up in his room, staring at the car the doctor had given him.

“Please keep in mind that time is of the essence with this kind of disease. When you make a decision, don’t hesitate to call me.”

Sehun tossed the card onto his nightstand and sprawled out his bed, once again staring up at his ceiling.

Jongin came home almost an hour later and Sehun heard, more than saw, him open the front door, drop his backpack in the living room and walk straight to Sehun’s room.

“How’d the doctor’s appointment go?”

Really, it wasn’t Jongin’s fault because he was just concerned, but regardless, Sehun was annoyed and he sat up, frustration pulling at every feature on his face.

“She told me to get a surgery to remove the flowers and forget him completely, find a way to date Junmyeon or die. Simple enough right?” He couldn’t stop the sarcasm from trickling into his tone, making his words sharp and curt.

Jongin’s brows furrowed and instead of going away, like Sehun thought he would, he came in and sat on the edge of Sehun’s bed.

“What are you going to do Hun? Will you tell Junmyeon?” Anger bubbled up in Sehun’s chest and he felt his stomach turn before the heat rose up his neck and colored his face.

“I don’t fucking know, Jongin. How would you feel if someone confessed to you, saying that their feelings for you were literally killing them? That they would die or completely lose interest in you if they get ‘cured?’” Jongin blinked a few times and sighed.

“I don’t know Hun. It really is a shitty situation. Whatever you choose, I’ll be on your side. I hope you know that,” with that Jongin stood up, finally figuring out Sehun wanted to be alone, “by the way, if you’re hungry, I bought seolleongtang for dinner.” After he finished talking, Jongin left Sehun’s room and once again, Sehun was left to his thoughts.

For almost a month, Sehun succeeded in not seeing or thinking—too much—about Junmyeon and went about his life.

He managed to get a job at an office close to his apartment and spent most of his time running behind his boss, fetching Minseok’s laundry, coffee and lunch.

In all of that time, Sehun hadn’t coughed up a single petal and foolishly, he thought he was getting better, even though Dr. Kwon’s words still sat in the back of his mind.

Until it was forced front and center, in the presence of his boss.

The day started off with the fact that Minseok’s favorite coffee shop wasn’t busy when Sehun stopped by to pick up his order. Then through the course of the morning, there weren’t too many taxing phone calls, nor any troublesome meetings to keep a track off.

It all went to shit when lunchtime came.

As usual, he went to pick up Minseok’s favorite from a nearby Chinese restaurant and absentmindedly, he’d noted that the bag was heavier than usual, but he hadn’t thought much about it. When he got back to the office and went to sit the food on the desk, he was met with the odd sight of Minseok laughing with the last person Sehun expected.

Kim Junmyeon.

Immediately, his stomach turned and when those gentle, soft eyes landed on him, he felt a tickle in his throat.

“Ah, your new secretary is Sehun? What a small world. It’s been a while.” Sehun hated himself for the fact that his heart skipped a beat and the smile that threatened to pull at his lips. Hated the fact that he was happy to see Junmyeon not looking as pale and dejected like the last time they’d met.

Sehun barely had time to sit down Minseok’s food before the turning in his stomach turned to active churning and his mouth flooded with moisture. A moment later, he raised his hand to his mouth and digested chai mixed with bloody white rose petals flooded from his mouth, rushing out either side of his hand and onto the floor, right in front of Minseok’s desk.

The first wave was bad, but the coughing attack that came after it was even worse and Sehun tried to stumble in the direction of the bathroom to save any shred of dignity he still had left.

Luck wasn’t on his side, though, and he ended up just weakly leaning on the doorsill of Minseok’s office, while both Minseok and Junmyeon rushed to help him.

They got him settled onto the couch in the corner of the office, before Minseok contacted housekeeping and rushed to put tissues over the pile of vomit.

His head and vision both swam and Sehun wanted nothing more than to pass out, but his pride wouldn’t let him. He stayed upright and dabbed at his mouth with napkins Junmyeon worriedly hovered near his face.

There was no doubt in his mind that both Minseok and Junmyeon caught glimpses of the bloody flower petals. They would either think he had a hobby of consuming white roses for meals or figure out the disease that continued to fester inside of him, going mostly unchecked.

A small, cold, clammy hand encased either side of his face and he forced himself to breathe through his nose, focusing his eyes on Junmyeon in front of him.

“Are you sick, Sehun?” The kind eyes that Sehun loved so much were brimming with tears and even with his muddled thoughts, he knew the question was rhetorical.

The phrase, ‘the heart wants what it wants,’ briefly crossed Sehun’s mind and he just nodded, hating himself even more when he leaned into the cool hands, enjoying the contact.

When he dared to make eye contact with Junmyeon again, the man was crying, stroking his cheek gently. Sehun’s heart soared even though he felt like he’d been run over by a big rig.

The moment ended when Minseok strode into the room, already on the phone with what sounded like Jongin. Considering that Sehun had listed him as an emergency contact, it made sense, but it didn’t make things any less embarrassing.

“Your friend is coming to pick you up now, so just wait for a bit. Don’t worry about the rest of the day. Or week actually. Take the rest of it off, paid of course, and if you feel better, you can come in on Monday.”

The thought of being at home, doing nothing for almost a full week, would’ve been a dream otherwise, but at the moment, it made Sehun’s entire body burn with anger.

He couldn’t tell off Minseok, nor did the man deserve that. He also couldn’t bring himself to yell at Junmyeon either because he didn’t deserve it either. That meant that he just let it boil within him and forcibly kept his lips pressed together.

Sehun couldn’t even speak if he wanted to anyway. His throat felt like it was coated in a layer of broken glass and dust.

Jongin showed up a little while later, hurrying Sehun into Kyungsoo’s car. When he caught sight of Junmyeon in the office, sitting next to Sehun, he must’ve immediately understood what happened and moved even faster to get Sehun out of the room.

There was a sick part of him that wanted to tell Junmyeon of his sickness himself, just absolutely emotionally dump all his luggage on him. Make him feel even a fraction of the pain Sehun felt whenever he so much as thought about Junmyeon.

But he hadn’t even gotten the chance. Instead he’d thrown up like a child after a rollercoaster and then been escorted out the room by his roommate. He hadn’t felt more juvenile than he had at that exact moment, sitting in the back seat of the car, refusing to look at Chanyeol who kept attempting to make small talk.

When they got back to the apartment, Jongin and Chanyeol tried to help him, but Sehun shook them off and slowly walked up the flight of stairs, keying in the passcode of the door before going into his room and crawling into his bed.

When he was cocooned in the plush blankets and mounds of pillows, he finally let it hit him.

Junmyeon probably knew about him and his feelings. Even the most out-of-touch people knew about his disease, what caused it and how it played out. If he was instantly vomiting at the sight of Junmyeon, he knew things were getting worse.

A few tears pricked in the corner of his eyes and once they started, the floodgates opened and heartbroken sobs spilled from his mouth. His entire body shook with the force of his emotions and he knew they could hear him, but he hoped they would leave him alone.

He cried about being so sick. He cried about Junmyeon being so heartbroken. He cried about the fact that he’d thrown up in front of his boss. And he cried about the look of pitiful sadness that graced Junmyeon’s face when he realized what was wrong with Sehun.

At some point, he finally cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, there was a knock on his door and it stirred him from his dreamless sleep.

Initially, he thought it was Jongin, Chanyeol or Kyungsoo and was preparing to tell them to go away, but something about the knock said otherwise.

In his scratchiest voice, he croaked from his blanket cocoon for the person to come in and the door opened to reveal Junmyeon.

This time there was no immediate vomit because Sehun hadn’t eaten in almost a full day, so his stomach just tossed, angrily.

“Good morning, Sehun. How are you feeling?”

Sehun felt insane that he was embarrassed of both his voice and appearance, so he reached for his marker and dry erase board next to his bed.

Okay

“Ah, is it hard to speak?” Sehun nodded and immediately Junmyeon looked regretful.

For a few moments, they just stared at each other, then Junmyeon cleared his throat.

“In that case, do you mind if I just talk then. I’ll try not to ask so many questions.” Sehun, against his best interests, nodded and patted the edge of his bed.

Junmyeon looked genuinely surprised that Sehun was being so welcoming, but he took the seat anyway, crossing his hands in his lap. He kept his eyes trained on Sehun’s bichon carpet and began to speak.

“I want to start by saying, I appreciate you coming to the cafe and I really do miss your presence. You’re one of the best taste testers I’ve ever had,” again, Sehun’s heart skipped in his chest, “I also want to say thank you for inviting me to hang out with you and your friends that night...it was really rough. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t listened to me vent for hours, then invited me to dinner. I really appreciate it.”

There was another pause and when Sehun looked at Junmyeon’s face, he could see the man contemplating his words.

“Your feelings for me. I don’t know how far they run and some other time, when you’re ready, I would love for you to tell me. However, I do care for you. I know, from some research, that that’s not enough, but I don’t know when I’ll be ready to love someone else again,” the last few words came out bitter, “I don’t want you to be in pain because of me. I also can tell you don’t want me to love you out of pity. I don’t think it’d help with everything anyway.”

Hearing that Junmyeon had some type of feelings for him made his throat scratchy and burn, but it also made his heart continue to race.

“I read about the treatment of things and I just want you to do what’s best for you. It’s your choice, but if you’re waiting for me, big emphasis on the ‘if,’ then please don’t wait. I’m hardly worth it.” That made Sehun angry and he hurriedly scribbled on his board and held it up in front of Junmyeon, who’d been mid-sentence.

You are.

An array of emotions passed on Junmyeon’s face and he opened and closed his mouth several times before he settled on a small, tight smile.

“The fact that you think so highly of me really is flattering. But I mean it. I’m broken and you deserve more than that.” Sehun uncapped his marker to write something, but realized as he pressed the marker onto the board, that he didn’t know what he wanted to say.

The man he loved didn’t see himself worth loving. What could he say?

Silence hung between them for several long moments until Junmyeon gave Sehun an unreadable yet painfully kind look, then stood to his feet.

“You have a nice rest of your day and please think about what I said,” Junmyeon spoke softly, walking out the room and closing the door behind him. Sehun watched him go, still with the pen pressed into the board, unable to write anything down.

He sat like that for almost an hour before he finally capped the marker and tossed the board to the foot of the bed, curling back into his ball of blankets.

Junmyeon invaded his dreams until they became nightmares, then dreams again. With his curtains drawn so tightly, Sehun wasn’t sure when it was day or night, only aware of the time when Jongin or Chanyeol or Kyungsoo would let themselves into his room and coax him into eating food, mostly soup and drinking small gulps of water.

When he woke up in yet another cold sweat (night?), against everything in his heart screaming no, he decided to just go through with it.

He couldn’t spend however long he had left, coughing up bloody flower petals and wasting away in his room.

He knew he deserved more than that.

All it took was a text to Jongin and within a few hours, Sehun was hauled out his bed, pushed into the bathroom to sit on the toilet, bathed, dried and dressed like a child, then guided into the front seat of Kyungsoo’s car.

The entire time, he didn’t say a word.

Despite the encouragement from his friends and hopefully conversations talking about how he would feel better after the operation, he tuned it all out.

His eyes stayed focused on the buildings, cars and trees they passed and when they finally got to the hospital, someone met them at the front door and helped Sehun into a wheelchair before carting him away deep into the hospital.

The one time he dared to turn and look behind him, he saw Kyungsoo wrapping a comforting arm around Jongin’s waist, while he held onto one of Chanyeol’s hands.

Bright fluorescent lights stung Sehun’s eyes when he opened them and he groaned, leaning up in his—no, not his—bed.

He blinked a few times and took in his surroundings, noting the quiet hum of people talking outside, a machine beeping and Jongin softly tapping at his phone screen on a nearby couch.

“Why the fuck am I so thirsty?” Sehun croaked out, startling Jongin and making him drop his phone onto the floor. Jongin hurriedly picked it up and tossed it onto the couch, before dashing across the room to stand beside the bed.

“Ah, you’re finally awake. How do you feel?” Sehun shrugged and took in his friend’s tired appearance.

“Just thirsty. How long have I been out anyway?” Jongin reached for a remote that hooked onto Sehun’s bed and pressed the nurse button, then he sat it down near Sehun’s hand.

“About three days. The doctors say you were exhausted. You can’t overwork yourself like that again, dude.” There was a touch of something to Jongin’s tone, but Sehun couldn’t put his finger on it.

When he tried to recollect his memories, his head throbbed and he immediately hissed, shutting his eyes for a few seconds.

“Good to see you’re awake, Sehun. What can I do for you,” a heavy-set dark skinned woman asked, brushing past Jongin to check on the beeping machines beside Sehun’s bed.

“Can I have some water? It feels like I ate sand,” Sehun muttered, staring at the laminated hospital bracelet around his wrist and the IV in his arm.

The nurse nodded and wrote some things on a whiteboard in his room before she slipped out of the room, then came back with a cup of ice and a small plastic pitcher of water.

Both Jongin and the nurse watched in silence as Sehun filled the cup with water, drank all the water in one sip, then poured another, repeating the process until all the water was gone.

“You really were thirsty,” Jongin sighed, letting out a huff of wheezy laughter. The nurse also chuckled and she took the pitcher, promising to bring more.

After Sehun drank another full pitcher of water, the nurse offered to call Nutrition to bring him some food and Sehun excitedly agreed.

Why was he so excited at the prospect of eating a sandwich?

He chalked it up to being out cold for three days and leaned back in his bed. Jongin had gone back to the sofa and was on the phone, telling Chanyeol and Kyungsoo that he’d woken up.

“Everyone doesn’t need to come see me, Jongin. I just passed out right? No big deal,” Sehun joked, waving his non-IV hand.

The blank look Jongin gave him for a few seconds made his smile falter, but in an instant, Jongin was quietly laughing along.

“I feel like I took the nicest nap in my life. I wish I could get this kind of sleep all the time,” Sehun commented, deciding to move past how weird Jongin was being.

Before his sandwich, a doctor, apparently the one who’d been assigned to him, showed up and introduced herself.

“Hi Sehun, I’m Dr. Kwon, your doctor. Everything is looking good, so you can probably go home later today. Do you have any questions for me?” Sehun tilted his head and thought about it.

Once again, when he tried to recall anything that’d happened in the prior week, his head began to ache.

“Uh, how long are these weird mini-headaches going to last?” Dr. Kwon looked down at her clipboard and checked something before she sighed.

“Well anywhere from a few days to maybe a week. Hopefully you’ll be back to your daily routine within two or three days.” Sehun nodded and started to turn to Jongin, to ask about the days at work he’d missed, but the sound of footsteps made him turn toward the door.

He expected to see Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, but instead, he was met with the sight of a stranger, looking nervously into his room. Both Dr. Kwon and Jongin turned to look at the stranger as well and the man bowed his head shallowly, apologizing and mentioning something about being in the wrong room before disappearing.

Sehun wouldn’t have thought anything about it until he felt a weird, odd feeling falling over the room. Like the stranger wasn’t a stranger at all, even between his doctor and his friend. But the prospect of that didn’t make any sense.

He tried to think about it more, but then Chanyeol and Kyungsoo did show up and Dr. Kwon took her leave. Shortly after that, his sandwich accompanied by a cup of grapes, bag of chips and small carton of apple juice arrived.

After he’d greeted his friends, Sehun inhaled the sandwich, fruit and apple juice in a few bites.

“It feels like the first meal I’ve eaten in a long time.” Jongin nodded at Sehun’s comment and asked if he wanted more food. “Nah, I’m good for right now. Just kind of want to go home.”

When the discharge paperwork finally went through and Sehun’s nurse had come to remove his IV and catheter, Sehun found himself walking out the hospital with his friends on either of his sides.

He climbed in the backseat of Kyungsoo’s car, despite the protests of both Jongin and Chanyeol for him to sit in the front seat.

“That’s Chanyeol’s usual seat. Don’t treat me like I’m sick. I’m good now.” The statement came out more annoyed than Sehun intended and everyone in the car got quiet.

“Sorry, you’re right. We were just worried about you…” Kyungsoo spoke first, surprising the hell out of Sehun because Kyungsoo was rarely ever the first to apologize.

Chanyeol and Jongin’s apologies followed quickly after that and then Kyungsoo asked Sehun if he wanted to put on some music.

He turned down the offer and suggested that Kyungsoo turn on his infamous driving playlist, which he did.

The soft tones of some neo-soul artist soon filled the car and Jongin told Sehun how he’d been given time off from work and that he could come back on Monday.

With most of his questions answered, Sehun leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes.

Dr. Kwon’s promise of getting back to his daily routine proved to be true and by Wednesday of the following week, he felt like everything was back to normal.

Sehun also stopped getting headaches whenever he thought too much about the past, much to his relief. He even was able to shelve the rest of the pain pills that’d been prescribed to him.

A few weeks later, Sehun was on his way home from work when he came across a cafe.

The outside wasn’t much to look at, but when he let himself inside, the interior was cozy and inviting.

Originally, he’d planned to take a drink to go, but after stepping inside, he decided to sit and enjoy the ambience of the quaint little shop.

Several other students typed away at their computers, while some couples enjoyed the more secluded tables off to the back. There were even a few mothers with their kids, just sitting and enjoying a nice chat.

Sehun stared at the menu for a while, trying to figure out what he wanted because there were so many non-coffee options.

Near the bottom of the menu was a handwritten sign, advertising the cafe’s seasonal drinks. One of the drinks, an iced chai latte with housemade coconut syrup, caught his eye, so Sehun decided on that one.

The barista that took his order stared at him with wide eyes and Sehun suddenly felt shy, wondering if the younger man was checking him out.

It was only when he handed the man his card, that he realized the barista was not checking him out, but instead as if he knew him.

Maybe they’d shared a class during the Spring semester and he hadn’t noticed him?

Sehun glanced at the man’s name tag and made note of the hastily scribbled name, Taeyong.

While it didn’t ring any bells, he still committed it to memory and smiled as he grabbed his receipt and card from the man. His order number was printed on his receipt and Sehun decided to stand at the other end of the counter to wait for his drink.

It only took a few moments before his number was called and he reached for the coffee, accidentally brushing hands with who expected to be Taeyong.

Instead, he came face to face with the man from the hospital. The one who’d accidentally come into his room.

“Ah, sorry,” the man muttered, avoiding eye contact as stepped back further behind the counter. The soft apology made Sehun’s chest hurt and he couldn’t figure out why.

Now that Sehun wasn’t waking up from a three day nap, he actually took in the soft, handsome features of the man, then glanced at his name tag.

Junmyeon

Something compelled Sehun to keep speaking to the man.

“You say sorry every time we meet,” the man, Junmyeon, froze and he finally met Sehun’s eyes with his own, nervous ones.

“I-I-” Junmyeon stuttered, his hands shaking as he tucked them into his apron.

Completely uncharacteristic of Sehun, he reached in his pocket and pulled out his business card, handing it to the scared looking barista. The whole while, his heart was beating fast in his chest and he cleared his throat.

“Please don’t apologize anymore, just um—please call me. If you want.” The last few words came out of Sehun’s mouth quickly and he grabbed his tray, turning to walk to his seat.

When he risked a glance back, Junmyeon was still standing at the counter, the white card held in his small hands.

Sehun watched as the barista blinked slowly, took a few breaths, then tucked the card into his apron pocket while Taeyong stared at him.

He couldn’t wait to go home and tell Jongin he’d had the balls to give someone attractive his number and didn’t stumble over his words.

Too badly.