Archive of Our Own

The first moment I met you, you looked so shy, so tiny, so reserved.

But nonetheless, I could sense a hidden side of you, still unknown to me.

And I was right.

It was weird at first, you always seemed serious and annoyed, something that intimated me, but at the same time, I found it quite funny. 

You were very intriguing though, as someone coming from Japan, we rarely saw things like that at college. 

Although all the possibilities pointed out to a failure, I continued to introduce myself to you, as well as trying to connect with you as much as I could back then. 

Things go slowly, very slowly, but I can say now, it was completely worth it, you were worth it, Asahi. 

You finally opened to me, a little bit, but it was a huge step for you, and for me, too. 

You told me the basic things, how you were from Osaka, Why did you moved to Korea, how Korean was still difficult for you, how much you liked your new home, how you liked music, art, as well as your dream of becoming an photographer. 

Things that you thought no one would care or really find it interesting, but, you were very surprised when I found it the most entertaining and amazing thing in the world. 

I remember clearly, how I praised your likings, as well as the little drawings in your notebook, how my first impression of you was positive, good, something you really didn't saw coming. 

And you smiled. 

The first time in a month of knowing each other, you smiled. 

Such a pretty, pretty smile, Sahi. 

It's funny, when I saw that smile, I jumped triumphantly inside, like I just found the most hidden treasure in a desert island. 

Everyone could say it was ridiculous, it's just a smile, nothing much, something that happens everyday, like breathing. 

But the fact that I made you happy, that's what I celebrated so much.

Time passed, still slowly, but we began getting closer, and closer, it was obvious, we had that spark and connection that's rarely seen when two people met each other for the first time. 

But we were unique, we were special, Asahi. 

Things were going pretty well, too much, I know I'm a social butterfly, too affective with everyone, but everything with you was so... Different, so distant from all the things I have experienced in life at that moment. 

Also, around the first year, I remember you saying that I was the first and only person that got so close to. 

I felt joy, because i felt the exact same, you were the only one who I got so close to, and even if it was in such a short amount of time, it was like a met a long time friend at the moment. 

We started to do everything together, we were inseparable, every activity, every moment, every time, all the things we did it together. 

Also, remember when we started going together to college? When we used to stop at that ice cream shop to order our favorite flavor? Oh, such simple, but special moments. 

The first year I had with you was exceptional. 

I soon invited you to meet my parents, as they were very excited to see the guy I always talked about all the time. 

Call me crazy, but they were right, there wasn't a time when I didn't stop talking about you, from how you were personally, to our little silly adventures we did together, our nights were I teached you Korean, the times were you described me how Osaka was, times where you show me your talent at photography, your drawings and lyrics, our little hangouts at the park while eating ice cream, showing you around the city, small things, but they were such precious moments. 

It was around the second year, remember when we hang out at the art museum, as soon as you spot me, you started to smile shyly. 

You asked me what I was holding, and I happily give it to you, a little gift, a stuffed puppy. 

You were surprised, your cheeks got reddish, and you were mumbling, saying 'Thank you' and 'You didn't have to' all the time. 

It was like you didn't expect a gift from me at all. 

If only you knew, that was the first step for me, an enormous step.

Dramatic, I know, but you know how I am, clingy, extra, very loving, and to think that was the start of me, falling tremendously in love with you. 

I'm not sure when it happen, I guess your charmings and details about you made me feel like crazy in just a year and a few months. 

Everything about you, Asahi, literally everything about made me fall. 

So perfect, so wonderful. 

And before I could realize, I lost, I was a fallen victim in the game of love. 

Months passed, I always tried to give you little hints of how I just fell for you, small gifts, more hangouts, being even more clingy, and, of course, you didn't catch them. 

I was frustrated, but now I find it cute, I knew you never had some kind of relationship before, and your reactions to each of the hints were so cute, now, I even appreciate the frustration I felt during those times. 

At the end of the second year, I did it. 

It's funny, I say it like it's a big success, but for me, in that moment, it was. 

We were stargazing in my apartment's balcony, we were so immersed that I thought, 'Yeah, this is it, this is the moment.' 

I was terrified, sure, but I wanted to feel hopeful too. 

You would laugh now, but imagine the weeks I spend thinking how to declare myself to you, thinking about plans and what was the perfect moment worth to remember, it needed to be worth enough for you. 

I remember that night, I gave you a few carnations, all of them were from different colors, red, yellow, white, some of them were even burgundy. 

You loved them, the moment you saw them, I swear I saw the same stars that were in the sky, in your eyes. 

You were glowing that night, really. 

And I felt hope, hope that I wasn't going to lose this battle. 

I gained courage, and I just told you, everything I wanted to say, from the bottom of my heart. 

I ended, and you went silent. 

That's when nervousness run across my body, your expression was unreadable, you were just staring at me, without saying a word. 

For a moment, I thought I ruined it all. 

Yeah, I hurriedly tried to fix the entire mess, while my voice was shaking, i remember that even some tears were escaping from my eyes. 

And when you realized, your hands cupped my face. 

"Jaehyuk-ah, hey, no... P-please don't cry... I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was going to react negatively, I'm not, don't worry."

You said that, and believe me, the way you caressed my cheeks, your thumbs massaging in circle patterns, was a stress reliever, the one I didn't knew I needed. 

But my nerves weren't important at all, but the fact that you accepted me.

You were so nervous and insecure too, thinking that you were dumb for not knowing how to react, saying that you didn't know if you were going to be a decent partner, you were also shaking, I could feel the panic in your voice, trying to express yourself, without turning the situation into a disaster. 

But oh, if only we knew that was the start of something so, so beautiful, our own story, passing the line of friendship, to the line of relationship. 

That was the best night, no, our best night, one of our best, because I'm sure we had a lot of wonderful nights, and we didn't even realize it. 

At the end of that day, we say goodbye to each other, holding our hands tightly. 

And having our first kiss. 

Ah, that kiss, you would probably laugh at me, but I'm not even joking when I say this, that kiss, the way our lips touched, the way they moved, literally throw me to the sky, on top of the clouds, such a perfect feeling. 

Gosh, that was too cheesy, you would say. 

It's cute, we started our third year as boyfriends, and things were kinda messy, like you always said, you weren't used to having a boyfriend, heck, you even said you didn't have many friends to interact with in all of your life, so imagine, how enormous it was this whole thing for you. 

I still remember all the moments when I gave you kisses all over your face, in public, or private, you didn't miss the chance to get flustered all the time. 

Oh! Also remember our trip to Busan? 

Our first vacations together! That was a huge milestone for us, it's like two kids in an amusement park. 

When we visited that music festival? I stole a lot of photographs of you when you were distracted looking around (also when you got grumpy because of that, ah, too cute.)

Or when we walk at the beach at night, holding each other so tight because of the cold weather, our hands interlocked under our pockets trying to keep us warm. 

Or when we visited that viewpoint on top of the hill? You were so tired of walking that you almost slept on my shoulder, I remember I was holding my laugh and desire to peck your cheeks. 

Our third year, also a wonderful one, filled with beautiful moments. 

Even though our relationship was going so perfect, you were so shy all the time too, like, you literally asked for everything to me, if you could hold my hand, if you weren't too clingy, if you weren't too annoying, if you could kiss me, if i could hug you, all the things, you were so scared to do. 

God, Asahi, we were boyfriends, of course you could do anything you wanted, because I loved every single part of it, and it breaks my heart to think that maybe, you wanted to do a lot more, I never knew, maybe your mind tricked you into thinking that I was going to hate it at some point. 

And like that, I do remember how I didn't know a lot of things about you, despite our relationship, despite how close we were to each other, I always felt like you hid a lot of things, God knows why you didn't tell me back then, I would never understand that. 

Sahi, I was there for you, all the time, no matter what. 

Even for those times, when it seemed like life was knocking you down. 

Around the fourth year, something changed. 

Your mood, enthusiasm, cheerfulness, motivation, basically all of you started to turn down. 

You didn't smiled like you used to. 

Why? 

Everything was going so perfect. 

It happen In just months, our time passed from having hangouts and nights sleeping each other all the time, to just chats, calls and video calls the majority of the time. 

I was scared, I didn't know what to do, we were so good, and in such a short amount of time, everything shifted too fast. 

"No, Jae Jae, it's not you, it's just... Some personal problems." 

Ah, yes, I remember that call, that desperate call I did, thinking I did something wrong, something that maybe annoyed you, I don't know, I thought I was the one to blame. 

But when you told me that, that's when I started suspecting that the world you had behind you wasn't too wonderful, apparently. 

That wasn't new, i know you were pretty reserved, but I didn't thought you would hide such big things, like I said, I didn't know lots of things about you, the story of you that was hidden from me, I didn't even thought it was that bad. 

Oh, you are such an idiot, Jaehyuk. 

As time passed, things seemed to calm down a bit, we still could hang out, but barely, and you always seemed so tired, so anxious everytime we go outside together. 

And each time I asked you what was wrong, you always said the same. 

"Nothing, Hyuk, just some problems with my family, nothing more." 

I was so intrigued, I wanted to know more, I wanted to help you, Sahi, why didn't you say the true that time? 

You thought I enjoyed all the time I saw you like this? For God's sake, Asahi, if you were hurting, then I was suffering the double. 

For almost a year, I felt useless. 

I hated seeing you trying your best, to be happy, to be optimistic, to make things easier in order to not make me feel worried, ah, you were so selfless, love. 

Ah, but that breaking point, that time we hang out in my site, our first night together after months, after a lot of pleadings from my part, you just... Broke down. 

"I can't, I can't anymore, Jaehyuk-ah, all the time, it's so difficult." your sobs got louder, you were trembling, while I was trying to clean the tears from your face, concerned. "She's always criticizing me, always pushing me down, always saying bad things, always questioning my choices, always with that... Shitty personality she has, I'm done, I can't, I can't."

She? 

That night, that terrible night, you finally revealed some things. 

That part of your life that was locked to everyone, I was the first one, the first one you allowed to enter. 

All those bad moments, all the pain, were caused by your family. 

Ah, yes, your family. 

It's curious, I'm realizing now how I did not know nothing from your family, everyone always asked you simple questions, and you just didn't respond, or said the very basic. 

Your parents were separated, something that caused you much pain when you were little, having to tolerate their discussions, in moments when you wanted everything to be Ok, they were ruining all, that's what you said, your mother unfortunately stayed in Japan, while your father was being a pain in the ass, trying to reach you out, but you just didn't wanted to do nothing with him. 

But was that really all of it? 

I also realized how we stopped spending time At your home, and like always, you never explained why. 

And I tried so hard, so hard, to eliminate the sadness and tiredness from your face, from your eyes. 

I wanted to be your anchor. 

And so, I came up with the most sudden and craziest idea I had in my life. 

Remember when i invited you to go on a trip to Japan in half of the fifth year? 

Yes, you didn't believed it, you called me crazy, you said it was going to be impossible. 

That She was going to make a scandal out of it, being merciless over you. 

There wasn't no way, you swore. 

But did I care? 

Did we care at the end? 

I offered myself to Convince or at least help in whoever was making a fuss over a trip. 

You said that you could handle it, that it wasn't a new thing, and that you had already dealt with this situation before. 

After a tortuous month, we finally had an answer. 

"Let's go, Jaehyuk-ah, I finally could calm the things down." 

And nothing more, you said nothing more, but I couldn't care less that time, I was tremendously happy that I could finally make you happy. 

And so we did it, we did what you thought it was impossible. 

For 3 months, we were fully enjoying. 

Those 3 months which I appreciate so much, because it was the first time in a year where I could see your soul having joy, no worries, just happiness, laugh and love. 

All the pain you had inside, just disappeared. 

I remember clearly, that sunset at Osaka, watching the sea, you were sighing and giggling all the time, that was the peak of the beautiful moments we had. 

"Thank you, Jae Jae, thank for everything." 

Then our gazes met, adoration was painted in your eyes, and I felt so, so loved, I feel like with only that, we spoke all the things we wanted to say, but didn't, at the end, we kissed, yeah, definitely, words weren't needed, because with those two actions, I felt all the love from you, as well as all the love I had for you. 

God knows how much time we spend like that, I swear I could do that for hours, days, months, ages, or even forever. 

"Thank you, for saving me from hell." 

What an odd phrase, really, but I could feel the sincere gratitude from that, and believe me, I thought I was going to cry like a baby that moment. 

No, Sahi, you didn't have to say thank you. 

With just your mere presence, love and attention, I was totally payed for it. 

It was worth it. 

"You know what? Maybe we should get married, just saying, I want to spend like this, with you, for the rest of my life." 

I almost choked when you said that, I know you were teasing, but I could sense the desire of it, plastered in your face. 

Yes, Asahi, holy shit, of course, yes, I want that, too. 

At first we awkwardly laughed about it, but I think we both knew, at the bottom, we really meant it. 

I told you that I was going to wait for the day to come, the moment I could called you my husband, the moment we could be together for the rest of our lives, it sounded so wonderful. 

And we promised, yes, we were going to get married in the future. 

"And let's stay together and love each other, forever." 

That was our new year dream, we close that with a kiss, while watching the fireworks shining above us. 

I wished we could pause time, and stayed like that. 

When we returned, your happiness calmed down, a sorrowful smile decorated your face when we arrived at my apartment, I knew our perfect moments ended, mostly because I knew, you had to face the hard reality we escaped from. 

It didn't passed much time until I saw the remains of anxiety and sadness coming all together again. 

I was pissed, for God's sake, whoever put you like that was a miserable person, to the point that it bring you to pain as soon as you arrived to Korea. 

A month just passed, and you already told me you had troubles at home. 

Again, our hangouts were very brief and uncommon, you sometimes called me at very late in the night, just because you wanted to let off steam. 

I wanted to turn back the time. 

To just be the two of us, to the moment we met, to the moment I confessed, to the moment we go to Busan, or, to the moment we were at Japan. 

I was praying at this point, despite our escapes from reality, it seemed useless, as your life was already tough, you couldn't be truly happy while dealing to whoever restrained you from feeling joy. 

It hurts me, so much, we also started having discussions because I wanted to intervene, I wanted to help, and you rejected everything, saying that it would only cause more damage than a solution. 

I didn't wanted to things turn worse, you didn't deserve it, Sahi. 

But, oh.

Now, I really hate fate. 

Months passed, that's when you started to tell me how you were feeling bad lately, generally bad, you started to lose appetite and weight, how your mood was even more gloomy than before, you were more tired than usual, and how it cost a lot to just, get up and do things. 

At first, you didn't worry too much, also trying to calm me down, but as your state got worsen and worsen, i couldn't let go the concern, and pressure you into go to the doctor, I remember I even accompany you that day, since I insisted so much. 

And then. 

It happened. 

After some days, the exams showed something I wish you never had to dealt with. 

It turned out to be an advanced Lymphoma. 

God, I never hated a word so, so much. 

The moment we knew, you seemed strangely calm, calmer than I thought, your blank expression that day, you just didn't know what to say, or do, it's like it wasn't surprising at all, you accepted everything with resignation. 

While me? It felt like I just got stroke by a truck at maximum speed. 

That's when I cursed at fate, once again. 

3 months, 3 fucking months, that's what doctors said, you only had 3 months. 

It's curious, those 3 months were the most painful, but also, special of my entire life. 

The first Month was strange, I refused to let you go, please, of course not, imagine being told that you only have 3 months with the love of your life to enjoy, before the worse was about to happen. 

As you were feeling weak, the majority of the time we had to spend in my apartment, trying to make you feel as comfortable as possible, I gave you sweets all the time because you loved them, I gave you the books you always wanted to read, I bought some of your favorite albums to listen together, I even gifted you with a better camera, despite not being able to go outside as much as before, you accepted so gladly. 

Second month, you got even weaker. 

You were no longer being able to go to my apartment, so I had to go to yours, despite your wish of not letting me in, I didn't care, I'm sorry, Asahi, I just didn't care. 

It was the first time in perhaps years, when I entered your place, I was greeted with the unexpected. 

Who opened the door wasn't you, but instead, an old lady. 

It was weird, she observed me From head to toes, she didn't have a friendly face at all, totally the opposite, it always looked like she was seriously judging me. 

When she finished scanning me, she asked. 

"Yes? What do you need?" 

And the first thing I noticed is that she also didn't have a friendly tone. 

I awkwardly answered that I was searching for you, that I came to visit you. 

"And you are?" 

Why she always seemed like was annoyed? 

I said that I was your boyfriend, to which she raised an eyebrow, I could see the doubt on her face. 

"Oh, so you are THE boyfriend, huh," she kept analyzing me, to which she finally said. "OK, come inside, he's in his room." 

I shyly said a 'Thank you' while entering slowly, I quickly headed to your room, and strangely, I could sense the old lady's eyes glued to me, despite her being in the kitchen, awkward, really awkward. 

When I entered your room, I saw you calmly reading a book while lying on your bed, I noticed the obnoxious bottles full of pills at the side of your bed, I could see the tiredness in your face, even with that, you looked so peaceful there, I wished I could see you like that before, not under that situation. 

Your attention was now on me, you faintly smile, while your hands were trying to reach me. 

"Jaehyuk-ah, hello, thank for coming." 

I sat at your side, grabbing your hands tightly, massaging them carefully. 

You hurriedly asked if I was OK, If I didn't have any problems or troubles to get inside. 

I didn't wanted to worried you, but I told you about the old lady who greeted me, and how she looked intimidating. 

You eyes looked down, you seemed troubled. 

"Yeah, sorry, that's my grandma, she's always like that, I'm sorry if she caused you any unwanted feeling." 

So, that old lady was your grandma. 

The thing was, I never knew you lived with her, in any moment, you never told me that. 

Of course I didn't said anything that moment, but I was kind of hurted over the fact that you indeed had some things hidden from me, your grandma being one of them. 

And you also didn't touch the topic more, it looked like always putted you in a bad mood, I quickly realized that, so I didn't insisted more. 

I always tried to reached you, I visited you every week, like three times a week, each of them I was greeted by your grandma, always with that judging gaze of her. 

And you kept apologizing for this weird behavior of hers, I even could listen sometimes how she answered quite mean at simple questions or favors you asked to her, and then there's me, being a silent spectator in your room. 

Even though it was making me feel quite uncomfortable, I didn't step in, because you always said it was OK, that she was like this, and you were used to it. 

Third month, you were so fragile that you were now spending your time at the hospital. 

Despite the torturous process, you never failed at making me happy as much as you could, telling me that everything was going to be OK, that I shouldn't worry, and that life goes on. 

How, Asahi, how could you say that? 

Your life was fading away, in front of my eyes, how could yo be so calm about this whole thing? 

I was at my worst, and despite all, you never let me down, always saying this sweet and warm words to me. 

Each night I visited you, I ended up crying, and you were always there, making the effort to be my support. 

Shouldn't be totally the opposite? 

You were the one suffering the most, you were the one who were going through all the pain, why, love, why? 

I remember the times I got sleepy and spend the nights in the hospital, my head resting in your bed, while you were brushing my hair softly. 

Even if the enormous pain was present the majority of the time, our love never faded away. 

At the end of one day, you said to me. 

"Thank you, Jaehyuk, thank you for everything, for every single thing you did for me, please, don't forget how much I love you, and will always love you no matter what." 

I was almost asleep, but I heard that perfectly, and oh, how I wished I could turn back the time, and respond with all my feelings, my thoughts, and my love to you, Sahi. 

Sixth year, at the end of the sixth year, the thing I feared the most, happened. 

It was 3 a.m.

A call woke me up. 

I didn't even looked who it was, I just took my phone, and picked the call. 

A sudden voice was in the other side, I could immediately recognize the voice of your grandma. 

No. 

My hands were shaking, and felt how my heart stared to pound way too fast and way too strong. 

No. 

Then, three words. 

Three words I never wanted to heard in my life. 

"He left us." 

And I felt like my entire world just... Crashed. 

My mind went blank. 

And that phrase is still stuck in my head.

"He Left Us"

You left me, Asahi. 

I felt so lost, and still even up to this day, I still feel lost. 

Your fragile body, Sahi, It couldn't hold it anymore. 

In what moment? 

Not even half a year ago, we were good, you were here, with me, together. 

Sahi, we promised to do so many things, where are those promises now? 

I think I never cried that much in my entire life like I did that night. 

And the weeks after that, were like a never-ending nightmare. 

Even thought we all knew this was going to happen, I was still resigned to accept it. 

One month later, someone knocked on my door.

"Hi! Excuse me, are you perhaps Jaehyuk? Yoon Jaehyuk? Right?" 

When I said yes, he strangely looked happy and relieved. 

He presented himself as Mashiho, your cousin. 

When I let him passed, he quickly took a little box out from his bag, 

"Sorry to interrupt, I just came here by a quick visit, Asahi asked me the favor to passed you this." 

I took the little black box, it came with a little yellow ribbon on top, a small note on top that said "For Jae Jae" 

Suddenly My hands were trembling, certainly, all the things that reminded me of any trace of you put me in a very unstable state. 

Mashiho was looking at me attentively. 

"I know Asahi was a very reserved person, but, I'm sure he didn't tell you lots of things, right?" 

And I stare at him, confused. 

He chuckled dryly before continuing. 

"Please, I know you two were really close, I mean, you guys were boyfriends after all." another awkward chuckle "but, please, I'm asking you to not be mad at him for hiding what he had behind of him, he always thought that it would be a burden, and he never wanted to put the trash he had to dealt with with you." 

As Mashiho continued, I started to questioning things. 

Sahi, love, you never was a burden to me. 

Why hiding such things to deal alone? 

I knew you had something behind that you never wanted people to know, even me. 

But what Mashiho told me, not in my wildest thoughts I would expect that. 

I knew you had problems with your family, but you never, never told me that the core of your pain, all those months, for an entire year, was your grandma. 

Asahi, you never told me how everytime you wanted to hangout, she would put a problem. 

How she criticized your habits, and likings. 

How she made an entire scandal when you told her about our trip to Japan. 

How she was overreacting over everything. 

How she would complain about the smallest thing. 

How she was always mean to you, there wasn't a time when she could be sweet to you. 

How she messed up with your mind to the point she made you to think that you were the one wrong, the one you didn't care about her, just because sometimes you wanted to be selfish. 

How you couldn't be happy for much time, because she came and ruined all the peace you had around you. 

She was the kind of person who's egoism was so high that she never accepted other opinion and truth than her own. 

You couldn't argue with her, because you were always the one who was incorrect, and she was always right. 

You were so scared to ask her anything, because she could throw a tantrum over it. 

You became a ghost in your own home in order to not discuss with her. 

Each night, we're you felt desperate, you ended up crying. 

How unhappy was she, that You were the victim of his rage. 

And the list goes on. 

My love, you really had to dealt with all of that? 

My heart shrinks to think that you were hurting so bad, while trying to make me happy on the other side. 

I feel like I failed to you, Sahi. 

I failed at protecting you, when it was the thing I promised to accomplish.

But you never, never failed to fill my life with your colors, with your kindness and love. 

Oh, Asahi. 

At the end of that day, when Mashiho leave, I allowed myself to cry. 

I also saw your little letter inside the small box, coming with the camera that I gifted you, with tons of small photos of us, all of them from different moments together. remember? Yeah, I'm sure you would. 

"This is my last present to you, Jae." 

"I'm sorry we couldn't make all the things we promised, I'm sorry I couldn't hold it until our marriage," 

"I'm sorry for all the mistakes I made, because I'm sure I did tons of them," 

"I'm sorry for all the possible pain I made you go through," 

"I hope nothing, but all the happiness in the world for you, because you deserve it, Jaehyuk-ah, every single good thing on this world, you deserve them," 

"Please, accept this as my last act of love, I know I wasn't the most expressive person, and even so, you loved me like there's no tomorrow." 

"Yoon Jaehyuk, the love of my life, thank you for being my strength, my support, my anchor, thank you for being the person who made me feel the unthinkable, for made me feel like I was the center of the universe, for making my life a lot more enjoyable, " 

"Thank you so much, my soulmate, remember when we used to tease each other with that? Well, now, I'm sure you are the one I was supposed to love, the owner of my heart." 

"I love you so much," 

" Thank you for giving me the best these last six years."

"Forever grateful." 

"With love, your soulmate, Asahi." 

Ah, sweetheart, you always knew how to make me feel like a crybaby. 

Asahi, lover of mine. 

No, thank YOU, for everything. 

For every single moment we shared. 

For every laugh, smile, kiss. 

For each and every day and night together. 

For every morning and sunset. 

If you are grateful, then, imagine me. 

Words can't describe how grateful I am. 

Ah, Asahi. 

Thank you too, for giving me the last six best years of my life. 

Yes, I said last, because I'm sure, I won't feel anything like it again in my life. 

You aren't a phase, Asahi, you were my whole life, for six years. 

These last years, it was everything. 

It's was you, and if it's not you anymore, then, it's no one. 

Thank you, love, Happy sixth year anniversary. 

I miss you and adore you, a lot. 

With love, your soulmate, Jaehyuk.