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Between helping with the repairs, meeting new people, and training, she still found time to find a new hobby. At first, some of the others would notice that she would take a mat outside during her free time and stretch or meditate.
Now, she usually makes time in the very early morning. Steve would see her in the distance as he did his morning jog and he remembered thinking that they both have ways of coping with downtime. Everytime he would pass by she would be in a new pose, but he knew that once she began meditating, her session would be close to over. That’s the same time he would usually retreat back into the compound to take a quick shower. By the time he went into the kitchen, she would be there brewing their usual drinks.
She would smile at him before offering some coffee while preparing herself some tea. They would talk about the plans for the day then maybe venture on to talk about pop culture references that they have recently enjoyed or disliked. It was random, but she seemed to enjoy these talks. He did too.
It didn’t begin like this though. It took her a while to open up to him, longer than the others it seemed. When they first met in the kitchen, she was quiet and kept to herself. The first mornings between them were mainly her trying to figure out what type of tea she liked the most.
Steve decided to suggest that she try coffee. When he spoke up, she didn't hide the way it startled her. Still, she was open to the idea.
Steve would be lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued about seeing someone else try something new for the first time. So, he made her a coffee. He noticed that she liked her tea sweet and since this was her first time trying it, he put milk and sugar in it. When she lifted the cup to her lips, he watched closely.
This moment broke the wall between them. Her sudden disgust and his laughter at her distress. She called him rude and even though he was caught off guard, he quickly realized—her laughter being the biggest giveaway—that she meant it playfully. Progress. She tried adding more sugar and taking another sip, but her face scrunched up immediately. She declared that she absolutely hated the taste of coffee.
She even offered him the cup she didn’t want to finish and even though he didn’t like his coffee with milk or sugar (especially that much sugar), he accepted it.
They had a whole discussion on coffee and the many ways to have it, but she was rooted in her decision that it was a taste she did not want to try again. The next morning though, he was surprised to see a cup waiting for him.
“You said you liked an americano the most yesterday and it wasn’t that hard to make with that,” she pointed at the high tech coffee machine that Tony had added to the kitchen during reconstruction. “Besides, I had time to prepare your drink since you take forever in the shower.”
The sudden offense that showed on Steve’s face almost made her double over with laughter, but instead she placed her tea on the table before covering her face. She tried to muffle her laugh, but Steve could hear it clearly.
“Hey! I ran close to 50 miles today. I had to do some extra scrubbing.”
Her shoulders shook harder at his attempt to defend himself and it took her a second, but when she finally looked at him again, she was teary eyed. Her expressions hid nothing and he enjoyed seeing them. He was grinning before he realized it. He quickly took a sip of the coffee.
He couldn’t help the shock that he was sure showed on his face, it was really good. He looked at her, who wiped her eyes gently while waiting for his response.
“You really made this?”
She looked around the kitchen pretending to search for other people before she looked back at him, that playful smile rested on her lips. “Maybe?”
“It’s delicious.”
She clapped her hands in delight, “I’m glad! I couldn’t even bear to try it, it’s not like I would be able to say it’s good anyways.”
He rolled his eyes, but the smile on his lips before he took another sip said enough to her. Still, it didn’t stop Steve from expressing it verbally,
“Thank you.”
That’s when it became normal to them. After their early morning drinks, she would go take a shower and maybe a quick nap. Leaving Steve to find something else to take his mind off having nothing to do so early. Usually, he would watch a movie or maybe look up a reference that he didn’t get during their conversations. Then, he would be able to bring it up the next time they talked.
Their mornings were something he had looked forward to.
Until they suddenly stopped happening.
—
A week ago a natural disaster had claimed a town that was close (but still pretty far) to their base. Steve and Natasha were investigating whether it was just a natural disaster, because Fury had tipped them off that it was likely not the case.
While Natasha and Steve worked through the damage, Avalon had taken the job of healing everyone who was rescued from the rubble. After she had done everything she could on the scene, she quickly caught a ride in an ambulance to the hospital. She was stationed in the ER which helped the staff control the flow of patients being added into the hospital records. Despite the busy, busy day, she returned home looking like she was brand new.
The next morning, Steve was prepared to go on his jog before he realized that her mat was still in the common room, next to the window, where she usually left it the night before. Steve glanced around, but he was sure that no one else was with him.
He had rationalized it as her sleeping in from the long day they had. Yet, even as he finished his run, he saw her nowhere near her usual spot. He rushed his shower and made his way into the kitchen.
There sat a cup of coffee with a little note next to it,
Steve’s cup! Don’t touch, please.
But, she was still nowhere to be found. He gave a quick glance around before sitting at the kitchen island and grabbing the cup. The coffee was delicious, but as Steve finished it in silence, he felt like something tasted different.
Later in the day, he was helping plan their next steps into uncovering the source of the disaster with some leads that Wanda, who joined their investigation, had managed to get. She sat at the table, listening, and Steve couldn’t help the quick glances he gave her.
When the meeting was over, she left the room with Wanda and as they talked, Steve noticed their arms were interlocked. It was good that she was befriending the others too. He quickly looked back down at the pad in front of him when he heard Natasha let out a quick laugh. “I am pleasantly surprised. Especially since I got to witness that first hand.”
Steve shook his head, tapping the screen and avoiding Natasha’s eyes, “Excuse me?”
“We’re not gonna play this game are we?” Steve stayed quiet, but raised his eyebrow as he continued tapping on the screen. “Alright, I guess we are. You like-“
“No.”
Steve immediately cut her off. That was not what he wanted to hear or think about.
“Steve,” Natasha began again, but he threw her a look and she put her hands up slightly. “Fine, we won’t talk about it right now.”
Usually, he wouldn’t mind Natasha trying to push him into dates. It came from a good place. Hell, he managed to kiss Sharon a while ago and one of the first people he wanted to tell was Nat. But, this was an everyday coworker and developing friend. One who already had bigger problems than a complicated work relationship.
“Not ever,” He said before leaving and heading straight to the training rooms.
—
That was a week ago. Steve had not seen her in the early morning since. He had seen his cup though, it was always waiting for him after his showers. After the fifth day, he seriously debated skipping his shower just to see if he could catch her. But, that thought only made him stop himself. It was too much. His schedule needed to stay the same. He could just bring it up casually the next time he saw her.
Natasha beat him to the punch.
“So, you’ve been disappearing a lot lately. Your mat’s getting dusty,” Steve was refilling his water bottle when he heard Nat’s voice. He had entered the kitchen before they arrived, but it seemed like they were too preoccupied with their discussion to notice him. They were most likely in the common room since their voices didn’t sound close. He was trying to ignore the conversation, but for some reason his bottle was filling up slower than usual.
“I’ve been trying to make more time for the people still in the hospital, plus it’s good practice.”
Steve almost sunk into the floor. Of course she was focused on her work and giving it more than 100 percent. The doubt that crept into his mind a couple days ago was beginning to disappear. His bottle was filling up normally again.
“Is that all? This doesn’t have to do with a…certain nurse?” Natasha asked, curiosity seeming to spill out of her in a way he hasn’t seen in a while. He resisted the thought of interrupting the conversation in order to stop it. She had to know he was there, but this wasn’t his business.
Avalon didn’t answer right away, but he could imagine the way she looked at Nat. Her eyes would do this twinkling thing when she was fascinated with something or someone. Her mouth would be slightly open as if she wanted to say something, but she was so enraptured to say it. She was teased about it often, but she was never ashamed. Her genuine admiration for the people she worked with often made them bashful or confident. She didn’t hide her feelings and told the team often that this was against her principles. So, he imagined that look aimed at Nat who would just be grinning like the Cheshire Cat. That was something Avalon had described her as before and now Steve can’t see Nat as anything else. He had to pause his pouring again just to hear the words slip from her mouth.
“If you already knew, why did you ask?” She laughed and Steve wanted to choke himself for the way his heart healed from hearing that laugh. Light and carefree. It almost made him forget what they were talking about. Almost.
His grip on his water bottle was another kind of self containment.
“Because it’s better to hear from the source rather than a second party.”
That was definitely a snip at him. Steve admits that since their mornings were so suddenly thrown away, that he has been less talkative outside of their current mission. Natasha always had to point out something unnecessary. He wanted to rub his face, but instead he closed his water bottle. It had enough in it.
He made a normal escape giving them both a smile while he passed them. On his way to find someone to spar with him before their mission because he was gonna need to loosen up, immediately.
Steve felt a soft tap on his arm and couldn’t help the way he tensed up. He still turned to look at her, who smiled at him gently. More gently than he needed at this point.
“Hi Steve.”
“Hello,” he greeted back. They seemed to be alone in the middle of the long hallway, but he could almost bet that Natasha was at the end, just listening.
“Are you going to be stopping by the hospital too?” She asked and he had to stop his face from reacting the way he wanted. She read the tension in his body as confusion.
“I was telling Nat about the children we rescued and she thought it would be a good idea to stop by before the mission, so I was wondering if you were also going?”
Steve nodded along as she talked and relaxed when she asked him again.
“Of course, if you think it’s a good idea.”
She almost looked incredulous.
“They would be so happy! They only like me because of the stories I tell about you guys,” she laughed and he felt his chest swell at the sound.
“I doubt that’s the only reason they like you,” it slipped from his mouth before he could think, but she took the compliment openly. Her smile was bright and he realized how close to danger he was. He looked down at his water bottle before remembering where he wanted to go.
“I’m heading to the training room before we head out, I’ll see you two when we leave.” He was trying to slip away before he could say anything else. She wrinkled her nose, a sign she wasn’t pleased. It was a look that wasn’t usually directed at him.
“Do you ever let yourself relax for a day?”
“Not before a mission,” he answered back and she shook her head before lightly pushing him away.
“Go off then.”
He gave her an apologetic look, but still turned away and kept walking down the hallway. He gripped onto his bottle tightly, trying to keep away that ticklish feeling in his chest that was triggered by her touch.
It can’t happen, he reminded himself. It can’t.
—
As promised, the ride to the hospital consisted of Steve, Wanda, Natasha, and their newest member. It wouldn’t take them long to fly there, so she started telling the other three about some of the children. Wanda asked the most questions, but Steve managed to sneak in one or two. He spent most of the ride listening to her talk and enjoying it. It’s been a while.
He also decided to ignore Natasha staring at him like she was ready to make him fess up. Luckily enough, they were soon given the okay to leave the aircraft.
Avalon guided them through the hallways and many people stopped them for hellos and thank you’s. When they entered the pediatric ward the team noticed that many of the rooms were empty, but the only one not worried was the one leading them through the hospital. It looked like she forgot to mention something to them. But, the smile she gave her friends before pressing the button to open the largest doors on the floor said loud and clear that this forgetfulness was on purpose.
Once the doors were open, they were greeted by many shouts and cries. All of them vary from shock, happiness, and awe.
Some of the children launched themselves onto Avalon, already singing their gratitude and admitting that they were doubtful at first.
“We didn’t think they would actually come!”
“Hey! They’re heroes! Of course they would come!”
“But they’re busy saving people and putting bad guys in jail!”
“Yeah they’re whooping butt!”
“Thank you so much!”
The children's chatter melted together, but the joy in the air was strong and contagious. They were all quick to form groups so that the children could take turns talking to each hero they wanted. Once Black Widow, Scarlet Witch, and Captain America were all settled, Avalon made her way to the nurses station to overlook the whole event.
She couldn’t stop smiling and Steve kept catching her eye as he talked to the many children crowding him. They asked to be carried, for him to say old catchphrases, to tell more stories, and honestly, he didn’t think that he would be enjoying it as much as he did. It felt like a part of him was slowly getting pieced together.
After Steve finished another kid friendly story of his time with the avengers, he tried to sneak a glance at Avalon, only to see that her attention was taken by someone else.
Someone dressed in scrubs of an entirely different color than the ones that the nurses in pediatric wear. Steve could see that they were almost as tall as her, but their back was facing him and he could only see that she was engaged in a deep conversation with said person. He didn’t realize that he had been staring long enough for the children to take notice, but they did. That’s when the comments started.
“Do you know Mr.Nicolas too, Captain America?”
“He spends a lot of time here with Avalon!”
“They both tell great stories!”
Steve looked down to see some of the children crowding him again and waiting for his response. Of course he wasn’t going to spread his business among them, so he just gave them a winning smile.
“I haven’t had the pleasure to meet him yet, but if my friend likes him then I’m sure we would get along well.”
No, they probably wouldn’t.
“Let’s call him over!”
“Yeah! Captain America wants to be friends!”
That backfired badly. The kids called Avalon and the nurse over quickly. She seemed to say something to him before moving towards the crowd of kids that the Captain managed to perfectly entertain.
“Hello everyone!” She greeted and two of the kids pulled on her hands to bring her closer to all of them. She was eventually tugged to sit on the ground with the kids, which she happily did.
“Captain America wants to be friends with Mr.Nicolas too!” One of the boys exclaimed and the nurse came closer with a raised eyebrow. That’s when Steve managed to finally take in the guy's appearance. Scrawny and short and way too familiar.
The kids seemed to treat the nurse much more gently, not tugging, but pulling softly. When the nurse, Mr.Nicolas, managed to get through the mini crowd, he extended his hand towards Steve.
“I’d love to be friends with the Captain!” His comment made the kids cheer in joy. Steve doubted they expected any less. He took the hand and they shook for a second, exchanging smiles before the kids launched into another topic with Avalon being in the center of it.
While the attention was off of them, Mr.Nicolas elbowed Steve softly, but his boney elbow made it sharper than was probably intended.
“Not to be like everyone else, but you’re a real hero, you know that Captain?”
Steve managed to keep his composure even though he felt a little surprised at the comment. He gave a glance to Mr.Nicolas that seemed to express his need for an explanation. It must have been a successful one because the nurse continued.
“I look up to you, like most others. But, it feels different at the same time because I know it’s not the exact same for everyone else.”
Steve was beginning to catch on.
His origins and Nr.Nicolas’ current state. Becoming heroes of this world. He remembers the desperation of needing to fight in the main battles in some way to be of help. To fight off bullies. Yeah, he remembers those times. These times.
“It’s surreal, but still. Look at us. I don’t mean to compare your work with mine, but,”
Steve shook his head and held his hand up slightly, Mr.Nicolas cut himself off.
“You don’t need to undermine your work and uplift mine. It’s just as important if not more important than what I do. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Own it.”
Steve didn’t see Mr.Nicolas’ eyes go glossy or how he blinked rapidly in an effort to make his tears go away. He was focused on the sight in front of him, Avalon laughing while getting tackled by a bunch of kids. Then, he was suddenly called into battle.
“Help me Captain! They’ve gone wild!” She struggled to breathe, but her laughter was melodic all the same.
“Captain America can’t save you now!” One of the kids called out, clearly invested in their role as the villain. Avalon had her hand stretched out above the crowd of kids that were attacking her all at once.
He had no choice.
He exaggerated his movements so the kids could have a show, but he was quick nonetheless. The kids tried to slow him down by grabbing his feet, but their weights were light enough that he continued all the same towards Avalon. He took her hand and pulled her, the movement made the children stop their tickling immediately. It was sweet to think they were probably scared of hurting her. He didn’t expect such small resistance though, so the force of his pull was too much.
She let out a small laugh of delight when she landed against his chest. For the second that they held eye contact, Steve was only focused on how pretty she was.
The moment was broken by the children who were all cheering at his success. Even the so-called villains were happy by the easy rescue.
“Now kiss!”
It wasn’t clear who yelled the command, but it was quickly countered by many kids expressing their different opinions on the matter. It even had Natasha and Wanda expressing their own thoughts as they seemed to witness the rescue as well.
Steve didn’t get to hear them over the crowd, but he could guess what they were saying by the way the kids closer to them giggled.
The sudden commotion made him forget the very position that put them in this situation. He looked down and Avalon was still pressed up against him, looking at the kids who were still arguing about how they should finish up the scene. Her shoulders told him how amusing she found the debate. Even in this potion, she made no effort to move away. Steve was at a loss for words until he realized why.
He was the one holding her in place. His arm was wrapped tightly around her shoulders. After the initial pull, she let her hands help soften her fall by placing them on his torso. Where they still rested. He loosened his grip before letting his arm fall immediately.
The movement must have been awkward because it made her look up at him and despite the small smile she gave him, he saw that she was confused. She let her hands drop as well.
The physical touch was new for Steve, but he remembered that it wasn’t new for her. She was constantly instigating physical affection to almost everyone in the compound. It was usually the women of their group that she was hands on with, but she was friendly with everyone.
Even Loki would let her play with his hands, on the very rare occasions that he stopped by. Only one time did Steve and Thor walk into Avalon braiding Loki’s hair.
(Steve thinks that Loki has ulterior motives. Mainly because Thor seems to get annoyed whenever they’re together. Only because he thinks that she prefers his brother over him. Even though she never said it and Steve denied it, Thor was stubborn about the thought. Still, she has said that Loki was funnier than him on occasion. But Steve couldn’t tell Thor that.)
She would also pet Peter’s head when talking to him and he would be red from the attention, but he admitted that he didn’t mind the action. Sometimes Peter would seek her out second to Tony whenever he visited. And once, someone on the news called her Peter’s new sister, Steve remembered catching her smiling softly. Peter was embarrassed, but she just gave him a hug and he reciprocated it without hesitation.
Or sometimes, she would play with Bucky’s hair (he would only wear buns or ponytails when she did them for him) and when he decided to shave it off, she helped him. After it was gone, she started tracing the lines on his metal arm or fingers. Bucky didn’t mind, but he did grumble that he couldn’t even feel her doing it so there wasn’t much point in using that hand. She heard him of course and switched hands from there on out.
Since regaining the ability to feel she seemed to be addicted to it. Feeling. Or so she described. She knew none of them could understand it, but they wanted to help her as well. So, they let her do these things and she would constantly ask them if they’re really okay with it. Most of them were. The level of touchiness varied person to person and day to day. It was refreshing though. It was a learning experience for everyone and when it came to her teammates and friends, she made sure she was always respecting their boundaries.
She never reached out to Steve though. Never out of training at least. Not before today. So, her confusion was probably a mix of concern. Worry about making him uncomfortable. Something that he never felt around her. But, he realized that there’s truth in the idea that his old ways are still ingrained in him. He was working on that, constantly.
Another nurse broke the awkward atmosphere between them when she announced it was time for everyone to eat. Natasha stood up from her spot and Steve knew that was their cue to leave.
While the children were getting ready to eat in their rooms, the nurses and doctors working in the ward came to say their quick thanks before going back to work. One of them even hugged Avalon in thanks before walking away.
The team was making their way to the elevator when Nicolas stopped Avalon before they got on. She told them she would meet them up on the roof in a minute, but Steve was inclined to tell them that they had to leave as soon as possible.
Before he could open his mouth, he saw the quick smile Avalon gave Nicolas. Time seemed to slow down as he caught it, as if he was meant to see it as a reminder. It was different from the other smiles she reserved for her friends and teammates, different from the one she gave to Steve. Like there was a secret between the two of them and the rest of them weren’t supposed to know about it.
“No problem, we’ll get the seats warm,” Natasha butt in and it snapped him back into reality. She gave them both a wave before the elevator doors shut.
That’s when he was in for it.
“So finally trying to make moves, huh?” Natasha sounded just a tiny bit smug.
“It’s much better than the sad faces you made when she wasn’t home,” Wanda chimed in.
“I definitely did not-“
“He’s gonna try and tell us about what we saw and what we didn’t?”
They stepped off the elevator and the aircraft hummed as they walked to it.
“It’s not like that,” Steve started again, but Wanda cut him off.
“I’m not so sure. Anyways there’s no harm is there?” It was rhetorical, but Steve didn’t need the reassurance because there was nothing to reassure. “I mean if you like her, then you should just let her know right? I’m sure she would appreciate it.”
“He’ll realize that soon enough,” Natasha added as they got closer to the aircraft. It was really getting to be too much.
He stopped walking.
The fact that they were goading this on despite the nurse clearly liking her and she liking him back. Not only that, but Steve doesn’t think he’s prepared for something like this. Whatever this could be!
(He had to remind himself that it would be nothing.)
But, the frustration and confusion in his mind were starting to wane him. Especially when he felt like they were trying to push a situation onto Avalon that she probably wasn’t aware about!
“I don’t like her,” he said sharply and it cut off the conversation entirely. It also made Nat and Wanda freeze in their tracks. The silence he was met with made him feel like he said it too harshly. Nat was the first to turn around and it looked like she was going to send him into the next month, but the frustration disappeared and turned into mild surprise. She was looking past him.
He turned to see what she was looking at, but that didn’t prepare him to see that Avalon had joined them on the roof. She was close to them and before Steve could even try to fumble words together she walked past him without a word.
His heart dropped.
That was the only way he could describe it.
Avalon kept walking toward their transportation and Wanda glanced at him before following behind her. She gave Wanda a small smile when they boarded, but that was all she did. Him and Nat walked to the aircraft in silence. It was a tense ride, but Steve didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know exactly what she heard and depending on that, what was she upset about? Because she had to be upset at them right? More specifically at him. Unless she was already upset before meeting up with them. But, then that would mean the only one to upset her would be that nurse. That’s not likely, Steve surmised, because then she wouldn’t be acting differently toward them. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t hear Natasha sit next to him. Wanda and Avalon sat closer to the end of the plane while Steve sat closest to the pilot. Nat leaned in close to him to make sure he was the only one who heard her.
“She definitely heard what you said.”
He guessed that.
“She couldn’t have known who I was talking about right?” Steve whispered back, but Natasha gave him a look that wiped away all hope.
“You have to apologize.”
“I will.”
“And you have to tell her why you said that.”
That’s where he became reluctant.
“She doesn’t have to know about everything.”
“You are hiding right now. In a way that I’m pretty sure no one has seen before. On top of that, do you think she would appreciate being lied to?”
That was unfair. He wasn’t going to lie to her, just not tell her everything because he didn’t think it was necessary to complicate the situation. Nat seemed to read his mind because she was looking at him with disapproval.
“I just need time. It’s all,” he motioned to his brain. “Muddled.”
Natasha shook her head before flicking his ear.
“You already know that time doesn’t mean anything. If you like her now, you’ll most likely like her tomorrow and the day after. Wouldn’t you regret not letting her know at least? Especially if you keep pinning after her.”
Steve stayed quiet. Denying it at this point…was useless. Natasha didn’t bother looking at him again or speaking up after that. Steve kept thinking during the ride. When they were landing he knew he needed to clear his mind and focus on the mission.
But, one look at Avalon and Steve felt his clarity ripple.
Her smile was gone and he felt like the biggest bastard alive knowing he was the reason why.
—
When the mission was over and they returned to the compound, Steve and Natasha were getting ready to make a call to Fury to let him know how everything ended. Vision seemed to be waiting for Wanda in the common room and before they could all disperse, Avalon cleared her throat.
“I just wanted to say thank you for coming to the hospital today. It meant a lot to everyone,” She said quickly, knowing that the others had things to do. “And it meant a lot to me too! So really, thank you.”
It was sincere and open, Wanda walked back up to her and gave her a hug. Avalon was quick to return it and her smile seemed to come back at that moment. Natasha pushed her shoulder when Wanda released her.
“C’mon, don’t thank us for something like that. It was fun. Plus, we got to see what you’ve been enjoying on your free mornings.”
“Yeah, those kids made the day,” Steve added and she finally looked at him again. Her expression dimmed a bit, but the smile was still there.
He was gonna need to talk to her as soon as the report was over.
Vision came over and Wanda was quick to reach out to him. As he talked to the two, Natasha and Steve took it as their cue to leave.
Before leaving the room, Steve glanced over his shoulder and saw Avalon talk more animatedly about their day. The most lively she looked since they left the hospital.
The debriefing went by relatively quickly thanks to Nat sending most of the info to Fury when they were on the way back to the compound. It seemed like she was rushing to finish the meeting as well. Fury didn’t mind and Steve was thankful to both of them.
When it was over, Natasha left Steve with a wave of her fist. He took it as a threat to hurry up and apologize which he already made clear he was gonna do.
He didn’t even bother changing out of his gear and walked back into the common room to find it empty. He glanced outside through the windows and saw that no one sat on the hill, so Avalon wasn’t there either. He walked towards her room and hesitated when he was in front of her door.
He took a deep breath before knocking.
He waited a moment, but there was no answer. He debated whether to knock again or not before Vision walked out of his room a few feet away.
“Avalon said she was going to turn in early.”
Steve noticed that Vision waited for him to leave before walking back into his room. Wanda must have told him what happened.
He still wanted to talk to her as soon as possible. So he could only wait until tomorrow.
—
Steve would usually take a minute to wake up, but he was quick to leave his bed this morning. He took a cold shower in order to help him gain energy, completely ignoring his usual run in order to wait for her in the kitchen.
Steve was walking in circles for half an hour before realizing that maybe he should make their drinks so that he would have something to offer her.
Steve paused to glance outside the windows to see how hard it was pouring. Usually she liked having black tea with milk and loads of sugar on rainy days because it felt homey to her. She couldn’t explain it better than that and Steve had to reassure her that he understood what she meant.
He felt the same when he was laying in bed in the morning. In that small moment of being half-awake, he felt normal. No pressure, no memories, no worries. Just the daze of sleepiness and full relaxation. The comfort was worldly.
He wanted to mention it in the conversation, but he didn’t know if she wanted to know that much. It was personal and he didn’t want her to think any less of him for enjoying those moments.
He should have known better. She never judged them. She must have seen the worst of the worst in her other life and these small moments of normalcy must be a constant craving for her too.
Steve finished making the drinks before placing them on the counter.
He waited another hour. Past the time he would normally emerge from a shower after his morning runs. She didn’t come to the kitchen at all and their drinks got cold. He still drank his coffee, but didn’t know what to do with hers.
Bucky walked into the kitchen looking ready for a coffee himself. He quickly noticed Steve’s mood. He also saw the cup of tea that his friend was sitting in front of.
“Is that for someone?”
Steve glanced at Bucky who was settling in the seat next to him.
“It was supposed to be for Avalon.”
Bucky's expression went from mild confusion to complete understanding.
“She didn’t come then?”
“Well, it’s not like I invited her. I just thought she’d stop by the kitchen. It’s my fault for assuming.”
“But doesn’t she usually make your cups in the mornings?”
Steve was caught off guard a little and Bucky noticed. He squinted his eyes at Steve as if he was trying to see if his friend was serious. Then, he realized that Steve was completely serious.
“You know, this past week you haven’t finished your morning coffee as quickly as you finish any other drink right? It’s like you’re trying to savor it. Vision brought it up the other day. Then Natasha told us about how Avalon hasn’t been around in the mornings anymore. You weren’t usually an early bird, but y’know since the serum you’ve had much more energy so,” Bucky let that explain itself.
“It wasn’t hard to put two and two together.” He finished and Steve rubbed his face.
“Yeah, well I messed up and I wanted to catch her today to apologize.”
This had Bucky raise his eyebrows in confusion, he put him hand on the counter, “What happened that made her angry at you?”
“She overheard me say I didn’t like her,” Steve said and Bucky didn’t even let him finish.
“Well that’s complete bullshit.”
Steve had one hand covering his face. He was tired again.
“I didn’t mean I didn’t like her at all. I thought it would stop Nat and Wanda from saying more things about it. She has this other guy she likes,” Steve explained the situation to Bucky who listened attentively. By the end of it, Bucky was shaking his head.
“You should definitely tell her.”
Steve nodded, he was already planning to.
“I know, I’m gonna tell her I’m sorry and that I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.” Steve felt a hand on his shoulder and Bucky was shaking his head again.
“No. I think you should tell her how you feel,” before Steve could interrupt him, Bucky squeezed his shoulder.
“Look, it’s all muddled I get it. You aren’t sure what you feel, but don’t you think she knows exactly what that’s like?” Steve was struck speechless by that and Bucky patted his shoulder. “Yet, she still tries her best to explain what she feels to us when she needs to, right? Because she knows we’re all friends and she values her emotions. What message are you sending her by keeping her shut out all the time?”
Steve felt it all sinking in and he felt worse as his mind was starting to sort out the answer to that question. Bucky got up from his seat first and moved to make himself a drink. He let Steve sit there for a moment and when his friend got up, he carried the drink with him.
There was a comfortable silence between them as Steve heated up the tea and stirred the liquid to make sure the sugar wasn’t lingering at the bottom. Before leaving the room Steve stopped and turned to his friend to express his gratitude, but Bucky stopped him.
“You know it’s funny how you’re acting up right now. It’s kind of…a throw back to the beginning isn’t it?”
Bucky's voice was reminiscent, but he gave Steve a small smile.
“She’s good for you, Steve.”
“Can you save that until after I figure out whether she can forgive me or not?”
Bucky laughed at his friend's doubt, but didn’t say anything else. Steve left the kitchen and made his way to Avalon’s room, hoping she was still there.
He knocked softly on the door, kicking any hesitation to the wind. He didn’t hear anything before the door opened slowly.
Steve’s grip on the cup became tighter when he saw her rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Her hair was messy and her face was puffy, but Steve couldn’t control the way his heart was beating out his chest at this point.
She blinked at Steve for a second still dazed before he realized they were just staring at each other in silence.
“Oh, I’m sorry did I wake you up?”
Obviously. Steve wanted to drop the hot tea all over himself.
She nodded before giving him a hesitant smile, “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had slept in.”
Steve took a second to realize that her eyes were a bit puffy as well.
“I wanted to bring you this,” He said, cutting his thoughts off for a second. Avalon seemed to realize he was holding something and let her lips part in surprise. “Black tea the way you like it.”
She glanced up at Steve before taking it from him. She was quiet while taking a sip, but he could see the hints of a smile tugging the corners of her mouth behind the mug.
“It’s raining?” She asked when she moved the drink away from her mouth and he nodded, trying not to stare at her lips or the small amount of liquid around them. He had brought a napkin with the cup and he offered it to her. She took it before wiping her lips gently. “Thank you, but you really didn’t need to.”
“It’s okay, I wanted to.”
She didn’t look at him and instead stared down at the cup she held with a tight grip.
“Steve, it’s really okay. I know you wouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want, but you don’t need to do this either.”
Steve shuffled his feet slightly, his nervousness not being able to give him a second to think.
“I promise that I wanted to do this…I also felt like we should talk about yesterday.”
This made her look at him and he wished that he could tell what she was thinking, but all he got was a tiny nod before she moved away from the door and waved him in.
This was his first time going into her room since before her initial welcome all those months ago. When he entered he realized she had closed the curtains for the big windows that Tony installed for her. He closed the door behind him before taking another step into the room. Steve saw many blankets that covered the bed and saw one smaller blanket thrown over the couch. The lights were all dimmed, but her bookshelf had purple lights that added to the atmosphere of the room. Overall, she didn’t change the layout from what Tony had set up for her. She just added some more comfort to it all. Still, it was completely different than what Steve had set up in his room.
She took a seat on the edge of her bed while Steve moved to sit on the couch. This way they were still able to face each other, but he wasn’t invading her personal space. When he looked at her, she gave him a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
They sat in silence for a moment and the sound of the rain became loud enough that it began to echo throughout her room.
“Um, I did want to say something too,” she had decided to speak up first since Steve took too long to say anything. Why was he so nervous?
“Please, go ahead.”
She nodded before closing her eyes and gathering herself. She opened them again and Steve didn’t know if it was just the lighting or not, but they looked to be on the verge of becoming glossy.
“I tend to get ahead of myself a lot, especially since returning to Earth. I get caught up in experiencing everything and I didn’t realize,” she paused for a second and clutched the cup in her hands.
“I didn’t realize that I made you so uncomfortable. And I want to say I’m sorry if I made it so you couldn’t say anything sooner. I want you and everyone to be able to tell me when I do something wrong without worrying about how I’ll take it. I’ll do better.”
Her voice was low and Steve reacted instantly.
“It’s not like that! Not at all!” His sudden exclamation startled her, she looked up as he made his way over to her.
“May I?” He asked, motioning to her bed and she nodded while wiping her eyes.
“Of course.”
He sat beside her, their thighs on the verge of touching. He positioned himself so that he would be able to look at her.
“I am not uncomfortable being around you. I didn’t mean what I said at the hospital. I’m sorry that you had to hear and witness that. It was a terrible thing I said. I do like you.”
Avalon looked doubtful and Steve knew it was now or never.
He put his hand on her right wrist and pulled it lightly. She let her left hand hold the tea while she gave the other to Steve. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He slipped his hand into hers and held it tightly. Her expression softened and she looked back up at him.
“I like you. And I was scared of what that meant. For you and for me. It’s…been a while since I found myself completely helpless at the thought of liking someone. But, I find myself here anyway,” he said softly while running his thumb over the back of her hand. Warm and soft. Smaller than his own. They held onto him just as tightly though. “I don’t ask that you give me a chance or anything like that. I just want you to know that what I said was out of denial and confusion. I’m sorry that what I said hurt you and made you think that you did something wrong. I’m sorry I said it at all.”
He looked back up at her and saw that she was on the verge of tearing up. It wasn't the lighting then. He took his other hand and softly brushed away the tears, but they came back. He frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
She squeezed his hand tightly before lifting it to her lips. He thought she was about to give him a small kiss, but instead she bit his hand.
“Ow?” It was a soft and quick bite, so it didn’t hurt him, but she glared at him through her tears.
“You said that because you were scared to say you liked me instead?”
“…Yes?”
The tears fell from her eyes, but she ignored them. Steve on the other hand could not. He kept brushing the tears away, running his fingers over her cheeks and eyes softly. She let him. It was the first time he gave her physical attention and it seemed to be helping her mood a little bit.
The tears soon stopped and she let out a deep breath.
“I know how tough emotions can be so I’m not really mad. I wish you came to me earlier though,” she said before placing her tea on the ground so she could hold his hand with both of hers.
“I wish I did too,” he said sadly. Steve knew that she was probably going to let him down easy and he had to accept it. It was his own fault anyways.
“Then we could have figured this out faster,” She said with a toothy smile and it squeezed his heart. “But I’m glad we’re clearing this up now, otherwise I would have needed to take this to my grave.”
Steve frowned at the thought of her ever holding back her emotions. Going against her principles? She shouldn’t ever have to. But before he could even comment, she continued.
“I like you too, Steve.”
His frown fell and he was left with a mouth that opened, closed, then opened again. She seemed to enjoy the expression on his face because she laughed freely while his world seemed to stop.
“Wait, wait. What about Nicolas?” He asked as his hands slipped out of hers and moved to hold her forearms. She smiled as he moved closer.
“What about Nicolas?” She asked back, leaning into his touch.
“I thought you liked him and that he liked you too,” Steve said back before realizing that he was gravitating towards her. “He seems like a good guy.”
She smiled at him gently, but nodded along, “He is a good guy. Quite handsome too.”
Steve felt the burn of jealousy in the back of his throat, but he swallowed it down and just nodded back at her.
“But we like different people. He likes a doctor in the pediatric ward. Nicolas just wanted my help with asking her out. They had a date last night. They’re going to be lovely together.”
Steve’s shoulders sagged in relief while he closed his eyes and let his forehead gently fall against her shoulder. That shouldn’t have soothed his soul in the way it did. He felt her hands slowly rub his back and pet his head in a soothing manner.
“I always thought you didn’t like physical attention,” She confessed while he rested on her shoulder. He huffed and she laughed at his reaction. “You don’t seem overly touchy-feely with anyone, that’s all I meant.”
Steve was quiet for a moment as he enjoyed the sensation of her fingers running through the hair near the nape of his neck. He shivered as his body fully relaxed into her touch.
“It wasn’t something I looked out for,” he admitted, his voice slightly muffled. “But, you’re already turning me into putty.”
He could feel her laughter and he nuzzled deeper into her neck. She welcomed him closer by letting her head rest on his. She hummed softly and Steve swore he could have fallen asleep in this position with no complaints.
“We don’t have any plans for today do we?” She asked and it made his mind come back from the drowsiness that was fogging up his mind.
“No, we don’t. Unless there’s an emergency.” His voice was a little rough and he was kinda embarrassed by how easy you could tell he was on the verge of falling asleep.
She was quiet for a second before she pulled away from him. He blinked himself awake and he was met with her hand cradling his face. She gave him a sweet smile.
“Let’s go back to bed then? It seems like you need a couple more hours in you. Besides, it sounds like it’s gonna be a day off.”
Steve nodded as he got up. Happiness was filling his chest with a fluttering sensation, but he was also a little sad that he wasn’t going to be spending more time with her. He turned to leave, but he felt Avalon grab his hand, preventing him from moving away. She tilted her head at him when he turned back to face her.
“Where are you going?”
“Back to my room? To go to bed.”
Her other hand covered her mouth, but he heard her laughing at him again. Instead of answering him, she held onto his hand while moving further up the bed. He almost fell face first onto the bed, but he caught himself with his other hand and looked at Avalon in confusion.
“We can sleep here!” She said while opening the covers wider so that he could climb in. Steve was debating for a second in his own mind, almost malfunctioning, before she squeezed his hand again. “All the cold air is coming in! Hurry.”
Steve shook his head before climbing in with her. She didn’t bother hiding her smile as he got comfy. He pulled the covers up and she was quick to pull him closer to her.
“For warmth, of course.” She excused while looking down at him. She petted his hair and he closed his eyes, the feeling was relaxing. “Now can I spoil you?” She asked and he let himself chuckle, leaning into the touch.
“Aren’t you doing that now?”
He couldn’t see the small grin that was on her lips before she guided him to her chest. In this position he would hear her heartbeat, strong and steady. She tucked his head under her chin. The weight of his head slightly on her arm, but she made no moves to adjust them. Her fingers played with his hair and traced the side of his face. He let his hands wrap around her waist. His hands rubbed her back gently.
After a few moments, Steve began nodding off first. His hands slowed down before stopping completely. His breathing was deep and slow. Avalon smiled and rubbed her cheek against his head before allowing herself to fall back to sleep with him.
The rain was like a lullaby and even if one of them woke up later in the day, they were soon taken back to sleep by how comfortable they were in each other’s arms.