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Princess. He knew that the exact nickname had been dragging on him since almost the beginning, and certainly since the beginning of college. He never really liked it, and as a result, more than once he ended up in the middle of a fight with someone off campus. However, over time, he learned not to pay attention to it, and to pretend not to hear the whispers behind his back, or the laughter. He also learned to instill fear in others by just looking at them, following in his uncle's footsteps. He knew that from the very beginning, the other teachers had whispered among themselves that he was looking more and more like Jiang Wanyin, whom the students called Sandu Shengshou. However, this didn't bother the man at all. He could peacefully focus on his own further studies, on pursuing his doctoral degree, while teaching English at the university.
Jin Ling walked quietly down the corridor, heading towards the room where his lecture was about to take place, ignoring the whispers behind him. He was teaching students who still knew him from when he was just doing his Master's degree. They tried to address him by name, but were silenced quite quickly in the first class, when he gave the first essay to write, giving little time. Even so, they had to reckon that since he was their teacher, he wouldn't indulge anyone just because they called him Jin Ling rather than Sir Jin or Jin Rulan by now. At the same time, he was also keen to show that the aesthetics of language was not something to be mocked.
"Mr. Jin, is that a new tie? It looks amazing! And then there's that pin!"
A loud shout reached him from a group of students who were standing closest to the entrance of the lecture hall he was heading to. The heart in the young lecturer's chest beat faster as he admonished himself that he shouldn't react to this. Yes, the tie was new, though he would never have thought that any of the students would notice it, that actually anyone would pay attention to it. Now, however, his heart was pounding furiously in his chest as he fixed his gaze ahead of him and walked on, passing a group of students.
He tried not to look in the direction of the man who had just spoken, lest he see his wide, wry smile on his face and his brown eyes sparkling with laughter. Lan Jingyi . The student who had caught his attention from the beginning when he himself was just starting his master's degree. Lan Jingyi had come to the university back then to start studying the same major as him, English, along with his cousin Lan Sizhui.
Actually, he himself didn't know what it was about this loud boy that made him react similarly to seeing him for the past two years, and every compliment from him made Jin Ling have trouble focusing for a moment. However, he had never tried talking to the man, much less when it appeared that he would be teaching his class. He didn't want any complications. For this reason, he simply passed the group standing at the entrance, only snorting quietly under his breath. He entered the classroom and hastily closed the door behind him.
He leaned against them for a moment, trying to breathe more deeply. Mr. Jin, you look extremely handsome today... Mr. Jin, new jacket? It's great!... Mr. Jin, a new hairdo? Handsome! He suspected that his words had little to do with genuine interest. Jin Ling was convinced that if he ever thanked him for a compliment, he would be met with laughter, mockery in an instant. He was just a master's student trying to get a higher degree, he was not much older than his students, and he knew that it would be hard to get respect because of that, and that was exactly what made him prefer to pretend he didn't hear anything.
And yet, now that he was alone in the room, he could allow himself a gentle smile at the corner of his mouth, to place a hand on his chest, sensing perfectly how his heart was still pounding in a happy rhythm. He could allow himself to run his fingertips over his tie, wondering if the man liked its deep blue color, or perhaps the golden, floral pattern. It was a question he knew he would never get an answer to, but for a few minutes he could allow himself to forget. A few minutes before, he put on a proud expression again, taking out the notes he had prepared for the lecture.
Meanwhile, in the hallway, Lan Jingyi puffed out his cheeks, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at the closed door to the lecture hall. They knew they wouldn't be able to go inside since it was still early, that Jin Rulan always came first, prepared himself and only let them in, so he didn't complain. Some started whispering among themselves again about how haughty the young teacher was, but Lan Jingyi only puffed harder.
"For once he could answer! Is it so hard to say a simple thank you ?"
Lan Sizhui looked at each other with Ouyang Zizhen. Both of them had long wondered what exactly was behind their friend's taunts, but neither of them asked. They had been watching their friend and his growing interest with each passing month in the young teacher they had already associated from the college hallways. It seemed, however, that Lan Jingyi only noticed him now, when he had to fold the essays he spent sleepless nights working on into his hands, only to end up making more mistakes than usual anyway. All because of stress, as he used to explain himself.
"Maybe he didn't hear you?" Ouyang Zizhen asked quietly, shaking his head slightly to Lan Sizhui as a sign that he wasn't going to ask yet.
"How did he not hear, when he snorted? Always the same thing! You praise, and the Princess ignores you anyway."
"Jingyi, why don't you just focus on class so that your next essay comes out better? No mistakes like last time?" suggested Lan Sizhui quietly, adjusting the bag on his shoulder to hide his own red cheeks somehow. He could see that his cousin was definitely not trying to just hook the teacher, but could he really ask that? Lan Jingyi, however, was no longer listening to them. He stared at the tips of his sneakers, still having his eyes on Jin Rulan as he walked down the hallway.
The student didn't think about the reason why he noticed all the details in his clothing, his posture, his general apparel. He saw that the collar of his white shirt was held up by a gold pin with only two heads visible on the collar. Usually the man pinned his hair up in a small bun, but for the past few days he had been walking around with a high ponytail, which made him look a bit like the aristocracy of old. At the same time, the movement of the hair, the way it flopped against the man's shoulder blades, mesmerized the student.
Lan Jingyi sighed heavily, completely unaware of his own reactions and how obvious his behavior was becoming to his friends. He only gritted his teeth as he heard more whispers about how haughty their teacher was, not to hit anyone right before the lecture. Finally, the door was opened, and they were allowed inside.
Along with Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen, they took seats in the front row, mostly due to the former's poor eyesight. The boy corrected his glasses, glancing surreptitiously at Lan Jingyi, who suddenly had a red neck again whenever he crossed his gaze with Jin Rulan for a moment. However, Lan Sizhui didn't have time to analyze his cousin's behavior further, since the lecture had begun, and he knew he had to take notes to help Lan Jingyi later.
For that reason, he didn't witness the other student not taking his eyes off the lecturer, forgetting to take notes as he gently smiled at the corner of his mouth, playing with the pen in his hands. He couldn't see that Lan Jingyi was completely unfocused on the topic he was discussing on the aesthetics of language, and was only staring at the man's tie, at the way the light glinted on the golden threads with which the flowers on the blue background were embroidered. He didn't know which they were, though given most of the patterns on the lecturer's clothing, they could have been peonies.
More minutes of the lecture passed, and Jin Ling had a feeling that in a moment he wouldn't be able to stand it and would throw Lan Jingyi out of the room so that he could fully concentrate on what he was saying. He could feel his gaze on him, which was even burning his skin. He didn't know why the student decided to keep his gaze fixed on him, he suspected that he was merely waiting for the right moment to start laughing, but he wasn't going to let himself be provoked. On the contrary, he wanted to show him that he wasn't going to let this kind of game go on much longer.
"That's it for today. I'd like to remind you about the essay you have to turn in by the end of next week," he called back when the lecture time was over. He collected his notes, watching the students as they began to rise from their seats and leave. Some almost ran out of the room, others yawned surreptitiously, and there were also those who laughed and returned to the conversations they had interrupted before the lecture.
"Lan Jingyi, stay," he added, seeing that the student was about to leave. The becalmed man paused in his stupor, glancing towards his friends for a moment before finally turning around and approaching the teacher, smiling broadly as usual, though it was impossible not to see the confusion on his face.
"Mr. Jin, is something wrong?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand as he finally stood in front of the teacher. Up close, he could see that he was a tad shorter than the older man, which, for reasons unknown to him, made his neck blush again.
"It has been three months since the year began. Given your coursework and lack of progress, I would suggest a change of direction. Perhaps English isn't the right one, perhaps it would be better to focus on a sports career?" spoke up straight Jin Ling, not intending to pretend anything. It wasn't until he saw the surprise in the student's brown eyes that he realized he had accidentally betrayed his knowledge of the student's athletic talent.
The teacher clenched his teeth as he waited for the younger man's reaction, clearly not intending to explain anything. After all, he was a member of the teaching staff, he had connections, he might have heard about how Lan Jingyi from English might think about becoming a professional basketball player. After all, just because he knew of his talent didn't mean he watched every game of the college team, secretly rooting for him.
"Think about your future and whether you want to always follow your friends by wasting more than just your time."
The words slowly fell silent between them, turning into an echo, an element of the past that couldn't be undone in any way, and Lan Jingyi wondered at what point he had made a mistake so centuries old that the teacher would just want to get rid of it. After all, it couldn't just be about linguistic errors in his papers, right? After all, he could always fix it, change it. It would be enough... The student was thinking frantically, staring at the teacher's tie, not being aware of how strongly it was affecting the other man, who with every passing moment felt more and more like throwing him out of the classroom door, just to avoid ruining his career with one wrong move.
Jin Ling snorted under his breath annoyed by the silence, so unlike a student, gathering his things to the end. He finally grabbed his bag and was about to leave when he was suddenly grabbed by his forearm. However, all he had to do was look at the fingers clenching on it for Lan Jingyi to quickly let him go, though he didn't move away.
"I am asking for time until the end of the semester and tutoring. If you are still of the opinion that I am only wasting my time, I will change my major" asked the student with an unusual determination in his voice. His dark gaze shone, and his entire posture showed that he intended to fight to the end, although Jin Ling didn't know what that end actually was, or what exactly the student was fighting for. Perhaps it was just his impression, the desire of a heart that had been in love for two years, but he had a feeling that Lan Jingyi didn't want to lose the opportunity to come to his classes. That, however, was ridiculous.
The older man crossed his arms over his chest, lifting his chin proudly, looking as if he had just challenged his opponent.
"Tutoring?" he asked quietly, a sneer covering the tremor in his voice from the excess emotion. Could it really have been about...
"Mr. Jin, please give me some additional lessons," said Lan Jingyi on one breath, bowing to the man, making Jin Ling choke on his own breath. Did he know what he was asking for? What could it possibly look like? On the other hand, there was little objection to tutoring him on the subject that had already been discussed. He didn't have to check his work before checking the others, so he could still be fair to the rest of the students.
"Why would I tutor you? So you can throw another meaningless remark about my appearance in the hallway?" he asked after a moment, not even trying to hide the harsh tones in his voice. Before he would decide to extend a helping hand towards him, before he would decide to spend any extra time in his company, he had to make sure that it wasn't just a matter of finding a way, to further tease him.
"No, no!" Lan Jingyi immediately began to deny it, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "I really like the way you dress, Mr. Jin. A touch of elegance that could be considered old-fashioned, but looks quite good on you," he added, completely forgetting the actual topic of conversation, becoming animated again. Each successive word, however, made Jin Ling feel a treacherous blush come out on his cheeks, until he finally grunted, heading briskly towards the exit of the hall.
"Come by the office on Thursday after class. I'll give you until the end of the semester," he spoke before opening the door, stepping out into the hallway. Standing in Lan Jingyi's hall, he felt his heart beating incredibly fast and his lips stretched into a smile of their own. He hadn't thought that agreeing to tutoring would ever make him so happy, but now he was ready to prove everyone wrong and that he was fit for this course, of which he was only doing badly in the subject taught by Jin Rulan.
***
Wednesday evening for both men was filled with a strange anticipation. A tension that they both sensed, but each perceived very differently, and yet they both thought back every now and then to the brief conversation in the lecture hall and the unwritten agreement between them. Tutoring until the end of the semester. Never before had a semester seemed so short...
Jin Ling sat on the wide window sill, holding a mug of hot chocolate in his hand. Since childhood, he had chosen this drink when he felt a bit overwhelmed by various thoughts, problems. In his other hand, he squeezed the phone through which he was talking to Jiang Cheng, involuntarily getting irritated when he felt like puffing himself up again and reminding him that he was no longer a child.
"Jiujiu! I can handle them! It'll still be a while before they look at me like the other teachers since I belonged to interest circles with some of them, but I'm coping. Remember, I'm not ten anymore, and you really don't have to help me?" he finally growled when he couldn't stand it, simultaneously setting his mug down on the windowsill, in the process burning his fingers until he hissed quietly. A quiet snort came from the other side of the phone, and he was ready to swear his uncle rolled his eyes.
"Yes, you're an adult, I remember. How was your hot chocolate? Did you add marshmallows?"
"N-no," stammered the younger man, glancing at the mug in which treacherously colored marshmallows were floating, partially melting into the drink. Hearing Jiang Cheng's quiet laughter, Jin Ling's cheeks turned red, and he was ready to disengage with a bang, but was only prevented from doing so by the knowledge that this was exactly what the older man expected of him.
"I know you're giving it your all. I just wanted to remind you that you don't have to try to be like me... Find your own way to control them" came the older man's quiet words, after which they returned to their usual conversation about the next few weeks before they finally said their goodbyes and the young teacher's apartment fell silent.
It was only interrupted by the quiet ticking of the watch on his wrist and the sound of rain outside the window. Again, his thoughts went back to that one student who was teasing him with his loud manner, who was as quick to burst out laughing as he was to start threatening others. He had teased him at first as soon as he arrived at the university, but now...
Mr. Jin! Mr. Jin! This was a great class, I can't wait for the next one! I like your style!... I really like the way you dress...
Since when did he really start paying attention? He was sure that the student didn't remember him from their college days, that he didn't recall him from their basketball classes together. In that case, why was Lan Jingyi calling after him in the hallway? Why was he paying attention to every detail in his appearance, every change, and commenting on it right away?
Jin Ling groaned, feeling his head start to hurt from the excess of questions. The man encircled his cup with his hands, and leaned his temple against the glass of the window, closing his eyes. He couldn't let one student, and his own childish infatuation, get in the way of his career. He needed to focus on his duties, but how was he supposed to do that when he was supposed to be tutoring Lan Jingyi starting the next day?
"Idiot," he muttered quietly, downing the chocolates before finally heading to his desk to finish preparing the material to repeat based on the student's most common mistakes. He still couldn't fully understand why Lan Jingyi had chosen to ask him for tutoring in the first place, but he suspected that the younger man hadn't even considered it. For as long as he could remember, Lan Jingyi had been impetuous, impulsive, and didn't think about what he was doing or saying. He suspected it was no different in this case, and the student would either back out of everything or forget that they had an appointment for tutoring. However, he preferred to prepare himself in case he was wrong. To some extent, he wanted to be wrong.
The young teacher sighed heavily, running his hand over his eyes, sliding it into his hair after a moment, ruining its loose updo. Unintentionally, Jin Ling's thoughts drifted off to the student again, clearly recalling his smile, the sound of his voice, his laughter. If only they were both still students, or at least in the same year, perhaps then he would have tried to make a move towards approaching him, but in this case... He didn't want to risk his own career.
"And that's why you were supposed to tell him to look for another tutor.... You'll tell him tomorrow..." he muttered to himself, drinking his hot chocolate to the end. He set the empty mug down on the desk and set about writing down simple notes along with tips on how to remember some definitions and understand them more easily.
He had no idea that Lan Jingyi was also feeling insecure, though he didn't realize that everything was about what was to come the next day. The student lay in his room, rolling from side to side until he finally got up, involuntarily waking Lan Sizhui. They lived on campus in the house of Lan Qiren, who also allowed Ouyang Zizhen to stay with them, believing that this would keep the boys from feeling like partying and focus on their studies. As a result, Lan Sizhui slept with Lan Jingyi in one room and Ouyang Zizhen slept in another, not much smaller, room.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling bad?" asked a still sleepy Lan Sizhui, sitting down on the bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen his cousin in such a state, as if he were about to go to a serious exam. They didn't talk much about what had happened in the lecture hall. In fact, Lan Jingyi only mentioned that he was starting tutoring in Aesthetics of Language and that he would prove to the Princess that he was suitable for the course.
"I can't sleep," burbled Lan Jingyi only, heading towards the exit of the room to go to the kitchen and drink some water. He didn't understand why he couldn't get to sleep when, until now, he could sleep anywhere at any time and wake up sleepy. Yet there was something strange about this evening that he had begun to feel earlier. He involuntarily checked in the bathroom to see how he looked, that his eyes weren't bloodshot, that he certainly didn't look sick, but everything was fine. So he returned to the room, meeting Lan Sizhui's concerned gaze.
"I'm really fine. I'll be asleep soon," he burbled, not waiting for any further questions. He slipped under the comforter, pulling it over his head, and clenched his eyelids with all his might, repeating to himself that he should fall asleep. The last thing he remembered was a silhouette appearing, dressed in a light suit, pulling him to sleep. It was quite unexpected, both because he hadn't dreamt about the teacher until now, and because it was the first time he remembered the dream fully.
Because of this, when finally sitting in Jin Ling's office the next day, he was unable to fully concentrate on what the older man was saying to him. He twirled the pen restlessly in his fingers, staring blankly at the desk top and the notes lying on it, until he suddenly realized that it had become quiet in the office.
"If you're going to waste extra of my time, you can leave now and forget about tutoring. What was the point in asking for them when now you won't even listen to what I say?" burbled Jin Ling, crossing his arms over his chest. He knew that this was how it would end, that he would needlessly spend hours on the notes to prepare them as simply as possible. He also couldn't control the grief that came on abruptly, making him feel like saying much more to the student.
Until now, he didn't realize that he also wanted this tutoring, a chance to be alone with a man he liked. He wanted at least for a moment to forget that he was his teacher, to behave like a senior who was helping a younger colleague with his studies. He wanted to get to know the student, but instead he spoke as to a wall.
"No, no! I'm listening, I mean, I'll listen, yes!" Lan Jingyi jumped up in his chair, feeling a sudden fear that he would indeed not be able to continue the tutoring, even though he hadn't even started it properly. "All because of my sleep. I don't usually remember them, but now a few details fell into my memory, such as the man who looked exactly like Mr. Jin and who pulled me out of somewhere.... I mean... I mean, I wasn't dreaming about... He just looked like this... That is, I..."
"That's enough," cut Jin Ling short, turning abruptly to the window so that Lan Jingyi couldn't see the blush on his face. He couldn't focus on anything right now other than the realization that he was dreaming to the student, though the student was still trying to make his way out of the situation. The teacher's heart was pounding hard in his chest, though the man tried to calm it down, recognizing that surely the student was simply terrified of possibly having to change direction. Stress had a way of messing with everyone's heads, let alone their dreams. Jin Ling preferred not to get his hopes up that the feeling he harbored in his heart was mutual. It certainly wasn't.
Lan Jingyi finally fell silent, twirling the pen in his fingers more nervously than before, trying to think of what to say to alleviate the situation. He reproached himself for speaking so lightly about his dream. After all, how did it sound that he was dreaming about a teacher! Yes, he knew that the Princess was not much older than they were, that he himself was actually still a student, pursuing a PhD in English, but he was still their teacher. It wasn't appropriate to dream about him, was it? Especially when one had no reason to do so. After all, it wasn't like he was interested in him... The student bit his cheek on the inside, repeating to himself that he had asked for tutoring to rub Jin Rulan's nose in showing that he could handle English.
He sighed heavily, running a hand over the nape of his neck as the notes the older man had made finally caught his eye. He stared at them for a moment before suddenly abruptly catching them in his hands and beginning to browse through them with a growing excitement well visible in his dark gaze. Jin Ling watched him surreptitiously, unable not to smile at the corner of his mouth, which he effectively covered with his fist. The student had the ability to irritate him one moment and disenchant him the next.
"Mr. Jin, these notes are great! Did you prepare them especially for tutoring? May I transcribe them? After all, it's written so much better than in all those books where I feel like they specifically write so that no one can understand it!"
"You don't deserve these notes if you don't listen to me. Do you think it took me five minutes to prepare them? If this is how tutoring is supposed to be, you'd better change your major right away," Jin Ling interjected sharply, looking back at the student with the same expression as usual - full of suppressed annoyance.
"I'll listen! Let me at least transcribe them!" Lan Jingyi only clenched his fingers tighter on his notes, staring imploringly at the professor, only to suddenly smile broadly, as rakish as ever, as if he feared nothing.
"Mr. Jin, have I mentioned how great you look today? I always wonder if these shirts are tailor-made?" he began complimenting the young teacher, leaning towards him, causing Jin Ling to involuntarily open his eyes wider, and his cheeks covered with a treacherous blush.
The man knew that this was just a game, and yet seeing the student's gaze move over him, he couldn't control himself. He snorted, rising from his seat to approach the small window that overlooked the field. He needed to look somewhere else, as long as it wasn't at Lan Jingyi. Meanwhile, the student smiled contentedly under his breath, seeing that the compliments were working after all. So he continued on, praising the teacher's handwriting, until he finally fell silent, seeing Jin Rulan's sharp gaze.
"You can take these notes, but for the next week you are to know them by heart," the teacher spoke quietly, then told him to leave, himself still facing the window. He soon leaned his forehead against the cool glass, trying to calm his breathing. Were simple compliments really that effective on him? Was he that thirsty for them? And the way Lan Jingyi moved his gaze over him... He was sure he would regret the tutoring, but he decided not to worry about it at the moment. In the end, he wasn't sure if the boy wouldn't quit sooner when he got more material.
***
"Jingyi, what are you doing in the kitchen at this hour?" a worried question came to the side of a sleepy Ouyang Zizhen, who had just entered the room, rubbing his eyes. Usually it was either him or Lan Sizhui who would get up first and get breakfast ready for everyone while trying to wake Lan Jingyi up. The boy usually jumped out of bed at the last minute, grabbed his food hastily and ran out still with his mouth full.
However, something had changed since a long time ago. Something that made his friends decide to intervene at this exact moment, unable to watch their friend seemingly oblivious to his own feelings any longer.
"I made a bet with the Princess and lost. I promised to make him breakfast in that case. To think that I let myself be tricked like that! What do you think I am, a cook?" whined Lan Jingyi, not paying attention to the ever-widening eyes of his friends. Lan Sizhui, who had joined them not much earlier, stopped in the middle of reaching for the cups. At first, he wanted to make tea, but hearing what his cousin suggested made him forget the whole world. He realized how his proposal could have been received, how any other student would have received it if only he wasn't a teacher.
"Did you say you'd prepare him breakfast?" he asked, feeling himself turning all red, but Lan Jingyi merely confirmed his words, continuing his argument about how cruel their teacher was and that he was certainly explaining it that way so that everything would still remain a mystery to him. At the same time, as soon as he fell silent for a moment, his lips stretched into a gentle smile.
"A-Yi... Why do you actually accost him every day in the hallway?" Ouyang Zizhen asked cautiously, standing next to his friend and peeking over his shoulder to see what good things he had managed to prepare. He was amazed to discover the variety of the meal, as well as the care taken in its execution. It seemed that although Lan Jingyi claimed he didn't feel like doing it, he had put his heart into preparing breakfast.
"Because I don't know? To make him look at my work a little more favorably? I'm trying to suck up to him, and I ended up tutoring him" Lan Jingyi whined, taking to making breakfast for himself. Here the fruit was no longer perfectly sliced, which caused his cousin to laugh quietly.
"After all, we could have tutored you. Have you forgotten that we're studying together?" asked Ouyang Zizhen softly, looking carefully at his friend's face, noticing his surprise - clear evidence that at the moment when he was detained after the lecture by Jin Rulan, he had thought of nothing more than staying in English and being able to attend his lectures, and had not considered the option of changing tutors afterwards either.
"Indeed! Though you probably couldn't explain it the way he did and that's why I preferred, to ask the Princess" the student waved his hand, going back to preparing food for himself without much focus.
"A moment ago, you claimed you still didn't understand anything he was saying," Lan Sizhui remarked, standing on the other side of his cousin from Ouyang Zizhen. Lan Jingyi stood still for a moment, staring at his hands with furrowed brows. He couldn't understand why he had said one thing only to suddenly change his mind, or even wondered until now why he was complaining about tutoring, even though there had been a marked improvement in his learning after all.
"I wonder what kind of shirt he'll be wearing today, huh?" his cousin spoke up quietly.
"Definitely a white one. After all, he plays with tie colors and so far he hasn't happened to wear the same one twice in a month, and those look best against a white shirt," Lan Jingyi replied automatically, suddenly starting to blush. Could it be that he was the only one paying attention to this? It slowly dawned on him what his friends were trying to show him, but instead of acknowledging, he merely laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
"Well, anyway, it won't hurt to praise today either, right? Maybe with this and breakfast, he'll turn a blind eye to my mistakes" he said in a seemingly light tone, quickly putting the food in his mouth and packing the breakfast box for the teacher. He knew he had to get out of the apartment as soon as possible to get it to the man in time to deliver it before the man started class.
All the way to the university, however, he couldn't stop thinking about why his friends were asking so much. After all, from the beginning, it was just a matter of the teacher turning a blind eye to his mistakes so that Lan Jingyi could finish the next year of college in peace. But the more he thought about it, the clearer he saw that his behavior had little to do with sucking up to them. Still, he couldn't convince himself that he shouldn't compliment the man. There was something about his proud attitude that made the student want to break through it, want to see what Jin Rulan was really like.
He could already see a marked difference in his demeanor when they were alone during tutoring. It was as if he was loosening up. They still kept an appropriate distance, but with each passing day when they met, they began to talk about other topics, not just English, aesthetics, mistakes. More and more, the tutoring began to resemble ordinary meetings. Shouldn't he really have offered to cook him breakfast? It was a simple bet... He tentatively approached Jin Rulan's office door.
It wasn't a large room, but it gave the sense of privacy the man sometimes needed when he was preparing his own doctoral thesis or tutoring Lan Jingyi. Inside was a simple desk, usually cluttered with books and Jin Ling's notes, two small armchairs, and a closet taking up the entire wall opposite the desk. The student drew in a breath and knocked carefully on the door, entering only when he heard permission.
The young teacher looked at him intently, as if he didn't understand what the man wanted from him at such an earlier hour. He looked as if he had run all the way to the university.
"Lan Jingyi... I don't remember having an appointment this morning," he said quietly, sliding his fingers thoughtfully over the tie that, untied, still hung around his neck. He had come to work in another one, but had managed to stain it with tea, and not wanting the stain to remain, he had to wash it quickly. For this reason, he was glad that he always had two spare ties in his office. He was just about to tie one when a student interrupted him.
"No... You're right, Rulan-ge..." Lan Jingyi began to explain, suddenly becoming motionless, and his cheeks were covered with a violent blush. "I mean Mr. Jin! Yes, Mr. Jin! I brought breakfast!"
The teacher looked at him for a moment with obvious surprise on his face before finally snorting. Although he clearly tried not to let it be known, he felt somehow disappointed. The reward for the bet was the preparation of breakfast, and although Jin Ling knew that he shouldn't think of it in that sense, he involuntarily hoped that he could witness the breakfast being prepared as a continuation of the meeting. Now that he saw the box of food in the man's hand, it occurred to him that perhaps he had gone too far in his dreams.
"Lay down," he merely muttered, pointing with his head to the desk he had just leaned his hip against. Wanting to keep his hands occupied with something, so he wouldn't make any wrong moves, as soon as Lan Jingyi was close to him, he began to tie his tie. Apparently, however, this was not something the student was used to, who yes, placed the box on the desk top, but didn't take a step away from the older man.
Lan Jingyi stared at his teacher's fingers as they firmly held the material, yet moved across it with a strange gentleness. He stared at his movements, at how the man was wrapping the material, how he was concentrating on what he was doing with his eyelids closed, and felt his heart begin to beat harder and harder in his chest with each passing moment.
"What's the matter? Would you tie it better?" asked Jin Ling suddenly in a slightly offended tone, finishing tying the tie. In truth, he felt insecure. He had a student right in front of him who had been messing with his head for a good two years, and whom he didn't dare ask out. He was his lecturer, and even if they could date in theory, he knew that in a moment Lan Jingyi might be accused of cheating and he himself of unethical behavior. The man didn't want to spoil either of their careers, and at the same time, he wanted to reach out for a relationship based on more than just tutoring.
He drew in a shuddering breath as he lowered his hands, running his fingers along his torso, straightening the small folds of his shirt material. Unconsciously, he turned his whole body towards the younger man, waiting for him to come out of his strange trance. Jin Ling noticed how Lan Jingyi moved his gaze across his tie, his chest heaving as if searching for something, assessing. At one point, the student raised his hand to, still absorbed in his thoughts, touch the knot of the tie carefully. Suddenly, however, the younger man twitched, withdrawing his hand abruptly, with which he immediately rubbed his neck.
"What...? Me? No! Usually Sizhui ties my tie for me when I really need to wear it anymore," he replied, trying to cover his confusion with laughter again, and trying to pretend that he hadn't done anything, that he hadn't just tried to get close to the teacher, that he hadn't thought about what it would be like to get that tie off him.
In his mind, he cursed his friends for starting to inquire about his behavior, about what he was trying to do. After all, it was obvious that he just wanted to suck up... Right! Right...? And yet, when he stood so close to Jin Rulan, when he could observe up close how delicate his usually sharp features could suddenly be, he couldn't calm his frantic thoughts. Could he really have a crush on his lecturer?
The other man looked at him silently, not sure what he should believe - the student's behavior or his words. Until now, he had tried to restrain himself from any movement, believing that everything was one-sided, but what if he was wrong? He clenched his hands into fists for a moment, snorting under his breath, then began to slowly untie his tie, still staring at the student. He saw that Lan Jingyi had held his air, for a moment resembling a lost puppy, which slightly disconcerted the older man. He carefully untied the material to throw it around the student's neck in a quick motion, drawing him a little towards him.
"A man should be able to tie a tie. I can teach you," Jin Ling said quietly, gazing intently into the other man's eyes, looking in them for a warning, a withdrawal. Instead, all he saw was a growing blush on his cheeks, and then a wry smile when the boy asked to demonstrate how it should be done. It was as if they were supposed to be competing for something. The teacher snorted, slowly beginning to tie his tie in a simple Windsor knot.
He put the wider part of the tie over the narrower part, crossing it. He pulled it up and pulled it down hard, causing the student to stop breathing for a moment as he stared into the teacher's long lashes. His heart was beating like crazy, and feeling the man's fingers against his neck, his breath on his face, he wanted to cover the distance separating them. For that reason, as soon as he was pulled gently again, he took a half step, almost standing between the lecturer's legs. Because of this, he had to lean back a little so as not to impede the tying of his tie.
Jin Ling smiled slightly under his breath, completely as if he wanted to accuse the student of lying, pretending. However, he concentrated again on tying the tie, putting the back of the wider part to the other side. He pulled it up, pulling it down a moment later and wrapping it again around the knot he was creating. With his back, he pulled the wider end up to slide it under the narrower end at the knot, tightening it. He carefully pulled at the fabric for a moment, tweaking the small curves, before finally pulling down one last time, tightening the tie completely.
Lan Jingyi couldn't wait any longer. He climbed up slightly on his toes, placing his hand on the other man's chest to place a kiss on his lips. Trembling, uncertain, and yet so clearly indicative of wanting more. He pressed his fingers against the material of the white shirt, sensing that it was not of the first better cotton, but definitely high quality material. As soon as his frazzled mind realized what he had just done, Lan Jingyi felt an inner scream that told him to move away from his teacher. He completely ignored the fact that Jin Ling had reciprocated the kiss, that he had even put his arm around him, pulling him closer. None of this reached the mind of the student, who looked as if he had seen a ghost.
"Sorry," he said simply, then almost ran out of the study, not noticing that he was still wearing his elegantly knotted tie. He could still feel the touch of the teacher's lips on his own lips, feeling like they were burning him. He ran ahead down the corridor until he collided with the others. Apologizing, he headed for the football field, where he started running again as long as he had the strength. In his head he had a chaos of thoughts, which suggested to him all sorts of memories - from the first classes, to the tutoring, all the messages sent additionally, every hook-up. Since when was he interested in him, when apparently Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen were right? No, actually, he should ask himself how he was now going to continue attending classes after he kissed the teacher.
Finally, Lan Jingyi stopped, combing his hands through his hair, tugging at it. He still had the image of Jin Rulan before his eyes - the focus on his face, the slight smile at the corner of his mouth, the long lashes. He was even convinced that he could still smell his perfume, and only that reminded him of the tie around his neck. The student lifted his hand to slide his fingertips slowly over the knot he had created, remembering how he had been drawn to it. If it hadn't been for that, they wouldn't be standing so close together, and then he certainly wouldn't have had such strange desires...
"Yes, it's all his fault! I'll go explain it after class and everything will be fine. I'll still show Princess that he can't mess with me. Did he think I was going to give up my major because of this? No way!" he mumbled to himself in an increasingly combative mood, removing the tie from his neck, which he eventually threw into his backpack. He didn't want to have to explain to others why he was suddenly wearing something similar. He kept repeating under his breath that he would still wage war on the teacher and show that he wouldn't get rid of him with such tricks, completely unaware that Jin Rulan was watching him through the window.
The man stood rigidly with his arms crossed over his chest. His fingers moved slowly over his lip, still feeling the touch of the student's lips. He didn't understand what had happened, why Lan Jingyi had chosen to kiss him, and though he knew he should have pushed him away, he could only draw him closer. Now, watching him run across the field, he guessed that it wasn't a planned action. Probably. The student looked like he was trying to run away from something, someone, and Jin Ling knew exactly what it was about. At the same time, he couldn't help but feel amused as he watched Lan Jingyi apparently threaten someone in his imagination, feeling like his ears were on fire.
"Are you going to run away?" he whispered toward the glass, shaking his head after a moment. It was only a kiss, but it gave the man hope that the feeling trembling in his heart was not one-sided. He moved away from the window, reaching for the new tie he had machinelly tied around his neck and, adjusting his collar, left the office, heading for class. He had heard that he looked happy, some people asked him why, but he didn't answer. The man was waiting for the last lecture he had with Lan Jingyi's group. He wanted to see if the student would be brave enough to come or decide to avoid him now.
He finally headed for the lecture hall, hearing Lan Jingyi's voice in the distance, which must have been just around the corner of the hallway. The teacher smiled under his breath to himself, feeling renewed excitement at the chance to see the student, curious to see how he would behave next. He stopped just before the corner, however, when the nickname assigned to him reached his ears.
"I heard you were carrying the Princess breakfast today! Did you fall in love or something?"
"Do you hear what stupid things you're saying? Me to fall in love?" Lan Jingyi's voice trembled slightly. In Jin Ling's opinion, he didn't sound as cheerful as usual, but perhaps he was just trying to fool himself. He clenched his fingers tighter on the folder he carried with the materials needed for the lecture, refraining from stepping out of the corner at the moment.
"Then why do you run to him every week?"
"Exactly! Not only do you keep calling after him how great he is, but you also run to his office and carry food. What does that mean, huh?"
"N-no! I..." Lan Jingyi looked at his colleagues who surrounded him, thinking frantically about how he should respond. His heart was pounding incredibly hard as he tried to figure out the best way out of the situation. The memory of the kiss, of that desire that suddenly surged within him was still vivid, making him unable to fully deny the words of the other students, but he knew he couldn't say it outright. He didn't want to harm Jin Rulan, and he hadn't heard of other teachers dating their students, so such relationships could be forbidden.
"Don't you know me? It's all just to do better on the exam! The semester is about to end, and any help will come in handy," he finally replied, rubbing his neck to hide his confusion. Lan Sizhui and Ouyang Zizhen heard him and only looked at each other, knowing full well that wasn't the reason. They were already about to pull their friend aside and talk some sense into him when Jin Rulan came out from around the corner.
The teacher seemed to be the same as always, although those more observant could see his jaw clenched tightly, the whitened knuckles of the hand in which he held the folder. He walked confidently towards the lecture hall and didn't even look at Lan Jingyi, who for the first time didn't approve of his appearance. He didn't speak, only persisted staring fixedly at Jin Rulan as he passed by. The student got the impression that the man was angry, and for a moment he began to wonder if he had heard what his friends were talking about, but almost immediately he remembered their kiss.
Yeah, that's definitely what makes him mad at me. I'll have to explain everything after the lecture, as long as he doesn't interrupt the tutoring... He's really going to break my legs....
Nothing changed during the lecture. The teacher was as straightforward and firm as ever, but he avoided the row in which Lan Jingyi sat with his gaze, as if it didn't exist. This didn't escape the attention of the student's cousin, who merely slid a piece of paper to him with a written question about what he had done, but Lan Jingyi merely shrugged his shoulders. He didn't feel like admitting to a spontaneous kiss that was clearly not welcome. If he did, he would immediately confirm their suspicions from the morning that he felt something more for the Princess after all, and yet that was not the case. It couldn't be so. After all, why not? Because he was good-looking, intelligent, and comfortable in his company, whether teasing him or just talking?
The student sighed heavily, tugging lightly on his hair as it dawned on him what he had involuntarily started thinking about. He should have been focused on the class, on the lecture, and getting as much out of it as possible, and all he could think about were the teacher's hands tying the tie around his neck. A tie that was supposed to adorn the older man that day, not be stuck in Lan Jingyi's backpack.
"That's all for today, thank you," Jin Rulan's voice broke through into the student's consciousness as he sprang up from his seat, grabbing his backpack on the way to approach the teacher quickly.
"Mr. Jin, could I..." began Lan Jingyi, feeling a surge of determination to explain everything here and now, though others might have heard them.
"I don't have time at the moment. Please come on a day when I have a consultation, or ask someone else to help," Jin Ling interrupted him without even lifting his gaze to the student, finishing gathering his materials.
"Ah... In that case, I'll come on Thursday..."
"I'm sorry, but I don't see how tutoring can continue. Unfortunately, I don't have enough time to help with the tutoring in addition to teaching" once again, Jin Ling interrupted the other man in mid-sentence, causing Lan Jingyi to turn all red from both embarrassment and annoyance. He had yet to have someone interrupt him in mid-sentence each time, clearly showing that they had no intention of listening to him.
"I wanted to clarify..."
"It's not necessary. I understand that some students may think that in order to pass the exams, one must somehow please the lecturers, but I am not one of them. Only knowledge should be enough to pass the exams" Jin Ling's voice was filled with coldness and although it couldn't be seen, it cost him a lot to remain calm.
Finally, he lifted his gaze to the student, trying not to show the pain he involuntarily felt at the thought that everything was just a game of appearances. The kiss, the running on the field, as if he couldn't cope with his own boldness, the apparent attraction, all this turned out to be only calculating, a way to get a better mark on the exam, when after all it was enough for him to repeat the material again and believe in his own abilities.
"I wish you good luck on your exams. There are two weeks left, so you'd better focus on studying," he added before finally tucking the materials into his briefcase and walking out of the room, leaving a stunned Lan Jingyi in the middle of it.
The student stared at the man's back, trying to understand what had actually happened and why he felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach with all his might. He felt like running after the teacher, grabbing his hand, explaining everything, but at the same time he knew that it would be of no use. There was a reason Jin Rulan had the nickname Princess . Everyone knew about his pride, just like how easy it was to get hurt or offended by something male. He was usually watched out for, also for the sake of his uncle and legend among the lecturers, Jiang Wanyin. However, Lan Jingyi knew there was something more behind his behavior, especially now.
He returned home with his head full of thoughts regarding Jin Rulan. He involuntarily recalled every moment they had spent alone during tutoring, their conversations that had definitely strayed from the topic of the class. Lan Jingyi knew that he was a proud man, but at the same time full of insecurities. He wanted to be respected for his merits, not his name, that was even certain once you spent some time in his company. He also cared about his uncle's opinion.
Lan Jingyi had the impression that he knew the man, that he understood him, and yet, full of frustration, he sat down on his bed, laying on his back after a moment, trying to find an explanation for the sudden coldness on his part. Until now, though he hadn't smiled very often, though he had called him an idiot more than once, he had been friendly towards him. Not to mention what had happened in his office that morning.
The student sighed, covering his eyes with his forearm as soon as he remembered how close the teacher stood to him. How Jin Ling slightly pulled him towards him with strokes of his tie. How he finally kissed him... A quiet groan of annoyance escaped from between Lan Jingyi's lips as soon as he remembered that it wasn't the teacher who had pushed him away, but himself who had jumped away from him. In an instant, he felt a stab of regret, and the lump in his throat grew larger.
Why did he want to go back to that moment and not interrupt? Could he really... Are you in love or what? Exactly! Not only do you keep calling after him how great he is, but you run into his office and bring him food. What does that mean, huh? His friends' questions resounded in his head, as did the answer he gave, the way he covered up his exams, claiming that he was doing everything to pass them better.
"Right after that, he came out from around the corner... Jingyi! You moron! Idiot!" he growled at himself, throwing a pillow across the room. His heart crashed incredibly hard in his chest as he finally admitted to himself what it was that he had felt so far whenever he headed to tutoring, and what the sudden coldness from Jin Ling's side was. He knew that he wouldn't be able to simply undo it, that a simple apology wouldn't fix things when one sentence had destroyed everything that had begun to form between them.
He was unaware that similar epithets were being hurled at himself by Jin Rulan, who had closed himself off even more to all the students, had become much colder than he had been before. The man reproached himself for the foolishness of letting himself be approached by a mere lightweight, someone who couldn't tell the difference between a sheep and a ship in pronunciation when he got too stressed. He knew he had let himself get carried away by his own emotions, that he had attributed the student's behavior to what he himself felt, but could this spontaneous kiss really have been mere calculating?
As the days went by, Jin Rulan could only feel his mood deteriorating, how he didn't feel like teaching. Of course, he couldn't do that, he couldn't stop working because of some student and some infatuation. However, that didn't mean that his dislike couldn't be sensed, and the closer the exams got, the worse it got.
Finally, the day came when he didn't have lectures, but instead was supposed to keep an eye out to make sure no one thought of cheating. He was getting ready in his office, as he always did in the morning, when he heard a frantic knock on the door.
"Come in," Jin Ling called out loudly, but instead of seeing who wanted something from him, he heard a commotion in the hallway. Exhortations, laughter, but otherwise silence, and he didn't know if it was his imagination that prompted him that everyone was waiting for something, or if he himself was anticipating some sort of outburst, something that would break the silence and explain the knock on the door. Eventually he approached them, opening them wide, full of irritation.
"Who..." he began with the intention of criticizing the students for their behavior, but he broke off when he saw Lan Jingyi standing in front of his office. As soon as their gazes crossed, the student leaned in, making Jin Rulan even more stunned. However, he didn't allow the younger man to utter a word, telling him to firmly enter the study. He didn't feel like arguing with him in front of the other students.
"I'm sorry! For what I said, which was completely not what I really think. I wasn't just trying to suck up all this time," Lan Jingyi began to say, leaning in again, unable to choose his words properly, still unable to believe that Jin Ling wanted to listen to him after all.
"I have changed my major. I'm leaving English right after the exams," he continued, unaware that with this one sentence, he only made Jin Rulan open his eyes wider, feeling an emptiness overwhelm him in an instant. The teacher didn't understand what was going on, or rather, why the student decided to come only on the day of the exams to clear up the misunderstanding, also deciding to make such a drastic move as changing his major.
"Why did you change direction? Didn't you want to prove to me that you were up to it? Didn't you want to study with your friends?" he asked suddenly, in a somewhat haughty tone as usual, but Lan Jingyi recognized the slight tremor in the man's voice, betraying the enormity of the emotion he was feeling.
"I don't want another misunderstanding of my interest... No. I don't want to wonder again if I'll hinder your career if I admit that I like you, Rulan-ge," Lan Jingyi finally confessed, feeling his cheeks burn. After those simple words, he felt like his world was spinning as he was jerked violently to immediately feel a door behind his back.
"Idiot," only Jin Ling muttered, still clearly not satisfied with what he had heard two weeks ago, but he decided to discuss it later. He leaned in, kissing the student violently, giving vent to his irritation, which gradually disappeared as Lan Jingyi reciprocated the kiss, drawing him back by his tie.