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"I don't know how the hell you convinced me to do this," grumbled Levi, holding the head of the bunny suit under his arm. You chuckled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
"Because we, unfortunately, don't have kids," you muttered, and then louder said, "President Smith deemed it a 'Bring Your Child to Work Day' as an early Easter celebration, and nobody else could fit this since they got the costume too small."
Levi gave you a sharp glare at the mention of his height, shoved the costume head on and stalked off with you chuckling after him. What he didn't know was that Hanji purposefully ordered the costume in Levi's size just for the amusement of her colleagues and herself. Not to mention you may have slipped the idea to her in such a way that she thought it was her own.
You really, like really really, wanted kids, but Levi wasn't too keen on the idea. He hated children, so you gave up on that dream about two years ago, shortly after your marriage. That didn't stop you, however, from fully indulging yourself when there were kids to play with. That’s why you forced him into the costume, so you could go with him and play with the kids. You were in heaven right now, so many small people running around. It made your womb ache, and your heart throb. But, you kept up a smile as you scooped up one of Hanji and Erwin's little munchkins.
"Hey there, you!" you chuckled, hugging the child and kissing him on the cheek. Hanji and Erwin, being good friends of yours and Levi's, came around often with their children so you two were family to them.
"Hi Aunt [Name]," laughed the child as you tickled his tummy.
"Are you having fun?" you asked, spinning around with the child in your arms before dipping him backwards some. The laughed loudly as you pulled him back up. "Do you wanna go take a picture with the Easter Bunny?"
"Nooo," whined the child, looking fearfully at where Levi was being flocked by kids and their parents.
"What if I get your mommy or daddy to go with you?" But the child wriggled in rejection to the idea, good thing too because you couldn't see Hanji or Erwin anywhere. "Do you want me to go with you? I'll sit on the Easter Bunny's lap, and then you can sit on me, okay? That way you won't have to touch him."
The child pondered this for a moment before giving you a shy acceptance. Normally you hated those big freaky mascot costumes, but since you knew it was Levi you were fine. You smiled as you walked towards Levi, the child gripping onto you tighter as you neared. You cooed lightly to him, gently bouncing and kissing him. You heard a light growl come from the bunny costume. Chuckling, you bent down some to look the bunny costume in its face from its position on the chair.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Bunny, I know it's just about time for your chocolate milk break. But little Topher here would like his picture taken." Levi was silent, but sighed roughly after a moment before holding out his arms for the child. "Ah, ah. He wants to sit on my lap, so I hope you don't mind if I sit on yours."
You smirked as you propped yourself on Levi's leg, his form going stiff under you. After a moment he relaxed, and bounced his leg to jostle you into a better position. You chuckled, and then looked over at where Eren was standing with a rabbit ear headband next to a camera on a tripod.
"Say Easter Bunny!" he chuckled, before counting to three and taking the picture.
"Thank you, Mr. Bunny," you giggled, kissing the costume on the cheek before getting up and going over to where you spied Hanji by the food table.
"There's my little man," she laughed as she spotted you and Topher. "Did you get a picture with that nice Easter Bunny?"
"He would only do it if he sat on my lap," you chortled, handing him to his psychotic mother. "I'm going to see if our 'guest' needs any help."
Hanji smirked at you and nodded, before turning back to the table and handing Topher a grape, which the child greedily ate. You smiled sadly, unconsciously placing a hand on your empty middle before turning on your heel and heading towards the empty meeting room you knew your husband was in. As you pushed open the door, Levi glared; his face was red and his hair wet with sweat.
"It's fucking hot in this thing," he grunted, taking a swig of water.
"Well they aren't exactly made to breathe; I feel bad for the sports mascots who always have to wear them," you noted, plopping in a chair. Levi 'tch'ed, rolling his eyes and scraping his hair away from his face.
"I'm never wearing another of these damn things again." Silently, you smiled and rolled your eyes.
"But Levi, you look so cute," said you in a baby voice. Levi growled lightly, his grip on his water bottle tightening. "Besides, you're good with the kids."
"Only because those nasty, shot nosed brats just have to sit on my lap and I don't have to fucking interact with them other then that." You flinched at his words, chuckling nervously as your eyes drifted down to the table top.
"Yeah," you muttered quietly, a numbness settling over your body. "Nasty...shot nosed...messy...loud...adorable...innocent…loveable...cute...chubby...brats..."
You hadn't noticed until water dripped on the table that there were tears running down your cheeks. You sniffed, wiping furiously at your eyes. Not here. This is meant to be a happy day. Sliding back abruptly you stood, causing Levi to look at you.
"What's the matter with you, brat?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. But you just shook your head and stormed out, refusing anymore tears the privilege of falling. Once again out in the lobby crowd, you watched the parents with their children. Oh how you wanted some of your own! Hanji caught the miserable look on your face, passed Topher off to Erwin (who was holding their one year old Blair) and walked over to you.
"Hey pouty pants," she joked quietly, but you could only give her a sad smile. "Levi will warm up eventually –"
"No...he won't," you stated in a shaky voice, before licking your dry lips. "Levi doesn't want kids. He just calls them disgusting snot-nosed brats!"
"Have you talked to him about it?" Hanji asked, you sniffled and played with the sleeves of your cardigan.
"Once or twice. I asked what he thought about kids before we married. And then I brought it up a year after we were married and he yelled at me for it. He yelled at me for wanting kids, Hanji! And I love him, so I just decided to suck it up and tell myself I don't want them. But I do, so much. An-And..."
You swallowed the lumped in your throat, refusing to let yourself cry. You hid your face in your palms, your shoulders slumping forward.
"Shorty is pretty damn selfish," spat the woman beside you. "Denying you children when you want them so bad."
"And he's so, just, anal about it that we only have sex like - once a week, with protection; it’s driving me insane!"
This seemed to anger the brunette beside you. For her fists clenched at her sides as she glared at the door to the office Levi was emerging from in his costume. You had never seen Hanji angry, so it terrified you to see that she was.
"I'll talk to him, [Name], don't you worry. He'll be begging you to bear his children by the end of the day." With that she stormed off, dead set on her mission. You tried to call out to her, and stop her but it didn't work. You were just going to have to see Levi's attitude when you got home.
The day dragged by after that. You noticed Hanji sending Levi deadly glares periodically. You dreaded his attitude when you two got home. He would probably rant and rave about 'damn Shitty Glasses' and her 'shitty four eyed glare' as soon as you got into the car.
Or...you thought he would.
To your surprise he was angry, but scarily quiet on the ride home. It worried you. But you didn't say anything in fear of his rage.
When you got into your house, Levi headed straight for the shower while you headed to the living room to watch some TV. By the time Levi was out of the bathroom, you had settled on an episode of Dance Moms. Why you were watching it, you'd never know. You hated anything like that, but yet you still had your eyes glued to the screen.
"Those mothers are awful," you said to the television. "Even though I'll never have kids, I know I would never do that to my children or be that kind of mother."
"You won't be that kind of mother," came Levi's voice from the hallway entrance. You let out a harsh laughter, and shut off the TV as you stood to glare at your husband.
"Of course I'll never be that kind of mother. I'll never be that kind or any kind at all. Because thanks to you I'll never even be a mom!" you spat. Levi didn't seem phased by it, no hint of shock leaking through his stoic mask. Pushing passed him, you headed towards your bedroom and went to sleep.
That night, you were plagued by dreams of kids; of having a full family with Levi. One turned into a nightmare where all your children were taken away from you, only after having Levi walk out on you saying he was ‘sick of those snot-nosed brats.’ Thanks to this dream, you woke up in a cold sweat at 3 AM. You rested your face in your palms, and swallowed thickly.
“It was only a dream,” you reminded yourself. Sighing, you looked around, noticing the stark absence of a certain person in bed next to you. You could faintly hear the sound of the TV through the closed door. “Why isn’t he in bed? – I want tea anyway, so I can ask.”
Gently swinging your feet out of bed and placing them on the plush white carpet, you padded down the hall to the living room. On the television, you were surprised to see, was a show about mothering and babies. Okay, your mind had to be playing tricks on you. Shaking your head, you quietly headed for the kitchen where you found a kettle of hot water already made. You scrounged around in the cabinet for the tea you wanted, and then started to make yourself a cup.
“Why are you up?” came a voice from behind you. You didn’t look up from the cup and saucer set, or turn around. Simply replying to him as you added honey to your tea.
“I could ask you the same thing.” You gently stirred, making sure not to hit the spoon on the sides of the cup.
“I asked you first,” he stated, you nodded with a slight smile before taking a sip of your drink.
“That you did, that you did,” you giggled quietly, before turning to him. “I had a nightmare. That’s all. It put me in the mood for something hot to drink.”
It was silent between the two of you for a few minutes. You sipped away at your tea, looking anywhere but at Levi’s position in the kitchen doorway where he stared you down. You thought, briefly, you saw his eyes flicker to your stomach, but then dismissed it as quickly as it came.
“[Name], I…” he started but cut himself off, to which you raised an eyebrow and then turned to put your used teabag in the trash and wash out your cup. Levi wrapped his arms around your waist as you washed out your cup, causing your movements to slow.
“Did Hanji talk to you today?” you inquired, concentrating on your washing. Levi hummed against your shoulder as he kissed it.
“She did.” It was quiet again between you two as you rinsed out the cup, and gently reached for the towel.
“Did she talk to you about anything in particular?” Slowly, you dried the fragile porcelain. Once again your husband hummed in response. “What did she say to you?”
Your grip tightened around the tea cup saucer you were drying as you waited for Levi to say something. It was driving you crazy. You were dying to know what Hanji had said to him. He seemed less angry now, but he always was good at hiding his feelings. For all you knew, Levi could have gone out while you were sleeping and filed for a divorce. It was highly unlikely, but Levi made a habit of being unpredictable.
“Well…she talked about you…and me…” he uttered quietly, turning you to face him as you set the saucer and towel aside. “Kids.” Your brows furrowed, unused to him being so calm. Where was his cursing? Where was his anger? Where was the ‘why the hell did Shitty Glasses yell at me?!’
“Levi –” you started with a sigh, but his eyes narrowed.
“[Name], if you were so unhappy not having children, why the hell didn’t you just talk to me?” he demanded, his tone a little colder. You stared at him, your eyes widening a little as you stared at him but then you pursed your lips, eyes narrowing.
“Last time I said I wanted kids, you yelled at me!” you spat, throwing your hands up.
“When the hell have you ever said you wanted to have kids?!” There it was. There was the anger, but did he not remember? He went on a huge rant that night while you trembled against the couch, concerned he might hit you.
“After we were married! I waited for eight months to bring up having kids! I waited until we were settled! Until we had our stuff figured out! And you yelled at me! Besides, I know you hate kids, so I gave up on that dream long ago. To make you happy!”
Your vision blurred, and you suddenly realized that you were crying. You sucked in a shaky breath, swallowing the lump in your throat. Levi ran his thumb across your cheeks, gently tracing under your eyes.
“You should have told me, brat. Shitty Glasses was furious earlier; she hunted me down and yelled at me –!”
“But you. Don’t. Like. Kids,” you insisted, “I know how much you hate them, I didn’t want to bother you –”
“Bother me? I’m your husband, and if you’re not fucking happy then you’re supposed to talk to me about it! Not sit around fucking sulking! Is that what you were crying about earlier? I saw you playing with Hanji’s brat, by the way, you’re going to want to wash his drool off your shirt. You seemed happy.”
“I was,” you chuckled sadly, “I love kids, Levi, I want my own more than anything. I want to have your children. But we hardly ever have sex and when we do, you insist on contraception –”
“I honestly thought you didn’t want kids, so I did what I had to to prevent it,” he uttered, looking off to the side. You raised your eyebrows, your eyes widening greatly as your lips parted.
“I didn’t want kids because you didn’t want kids,” you choked, running a hand through your hair. “I just want to keep you happy.”
“Don’t make yourself miserable trying to make me happy, brat. If you fucking want kids, we’ll fucking have kids. We’ll have five, eight – a dozen if it makes you happy. But it’s fucking stupid or sulk around like this, I can learn to like them –”
“Y-You mean it?!” you gasped, to which Levi ‘tch’ed in annoyance.
“I don’t say things I don’t mean, stupid.” You flung your arms around Levi’s neck and hugged him tightly, choking over your sobs. “And next time you’re upset about something, don’t fucking send Hanji to talk to me for you.”
“I won’t, I didn’t send her this time. But I promise I’ll talk to you next time.” You roughly kissed Levi, your hands weaving through his hair. He moaned as you tugged at his hair, his arms dragging you closer to his body. “Hey, Levi – do you think we can have a kid by the next ‘Bring Your Child to Work Day?’”
“I don’t see why not – we have a lot of sex to make up for,” he chuckled darkly, lifting your legs up around his waist in one swift motion and carrying you down the hall.
~