Work Text:
Cloud woke up in a haze, his vision foggy. As he regained his bearings, he noticed the flowers on the ground as he stood up. The world was white, but was slowly coming into focus.
“I’m at the church.” He thought to himself. “How did I get here?”
He started to recall coming back to the church to rest and regroup. He came in, and saw that Tifa was on the ground, unconscious. He remembered running to her. Briefly speaking to her. Then pain.
“Oh gods, Tifa!!!”
The world snapped back into focus. He looked down and there she was. Not moving. Not breathing.
“Please. Please. Don’t take her from me.” He wept and pleaded as he kneeled down to her, hoping something would hear him. Answer him.
“She’s gonna be okay,” he heard a cheery voice say from behind him, “Well, I mean, she got the shit kicked out of her, so she isn’t going to be as spry as she normally is for awhile. Probably have a nasty headache too. She put up a hell of a fight though. She’ll pull through. She always does.”
Cloud turned around to see a young woman, slightly older than Yuffie, sitting on the back of a church pew. She was dressed in all black; black pants, black tank top, black boots, all which made her unnatural and eerie paleness more apparent. Her left eye had either a tattoo or makeup (he couldn’t tell which) of a strange symbol or rune encircling it, and around her neck she wore a silver necklace with an equally unfamiliar symbol. She looked at him with a warm smile.
“She isn’t moving. She isn’t breathing. How can you say she’s going to be okay?!”
The girl dropped off the bench and made a wide gesture with her arms, “Look around you.”
Cloud looked away from Tifa and noticed the unsettling stillness of his surroundings. The flowers were motionless, no breeze flowing in from the numerous holes in the building. Water droplets falling from the roof were frozen in mid-air.
When he looked back at Tifa, he noticed that he, or another him, was lying next to her, both of them as still as the dead. The realization that he was frozen in time began to hit him, and he slowly began to calm down.
“Am I dreaming?”
The young woman laughed as she walked toward him.
“No, Cloud. You’re close though. Not quite the Dreaming. You’re in an in between place.”
Cloud gave her a puzzled look.
“How do you know me?”
She walked over to the flower bed and kneeled down to look at the flowers. She picked at one that was crushed and wilted. The wilted flower stayed, but in her hand another flower appeared, beautiful and brilliant. She put it in her hair. After a moment, she looked back at Cloud.
“I’ve known you from the moment you were born, Cloud Strife. Do you know who I am?”
As she spoke, Cloud felt a change in the atmosphere. It felt… heavier. He looked at the young woman, and she held his gaze. Her expression remained kind and gentle. As he looked in her eyes he began to realize that she was old. Much older than her appearance would suggest. As old as the planet, perhaps even older.
“You’re Minerva, aren’t you?”
She chuckled. “No, I’m not Minerva.” She stood up, “I am Death. Nice to formally meet you.”
Cloud looked at the woman with a puzzled look on his face, “I thought Minerva was the goddess of death?”
“Yes. She is. Sort of. Goddess of the Lifestream would be more accurate.”
“But, you’re not her?”
“Still correct.”
“But you said you are death?”
“Yes”
“So you’re the goddess of death.”
“No, I’m Death with a capital D. I am Death incarnate, and she is me.” She stretched and yawned, “Despite what you think, gods are mortal. They just live a little longer than most, relatively speaking. I am one of the Endless. Death personified. When this planet has reached its last moments, I will be here to take it, like so many before. Gods, planets, universes… at the end of everything, there’s just me.”
“… so I’m dead.” Cloud’s shoulders dropped and he walked over to one of the pews to sit down.
Death followed and gestured to the spot next to him, “May I?”
Cloud nodded.
The young woman walked over and sat in the seat next to him, brushing some dust off her jeans.
“You’re not what I was expecting.”
“Yeah, I hear that a lot.”
“So… am I dead? You being here seems to suggest that I’ve died.”
Death took in a deep breath and let out a big sigh. “That seems to be the question of the day, doesn’t it? No, Cloud. You’re not dead. Not yet.”
Cloud furrowed his eyebrows, “I don’t understand?”
“Well. That last Geostigma attack that you had was particularly nasty. You’re in the middle of what we call a near death experience. So, I’m here to either offer an ear and watch you recover, or I’m here to offer an ear and then collect you. Either way, I’m here for a conversation.” She looked at him expectantly, a warmth radiating from her that made Cloud want to tell her anything and everything. Made him feel safe. The feeling started to make him feel uneasy.
He paused for a moment before speaking, “If you’re here, I can’t see how the end result is going to be anything other than me dying. I can’t imagine a god taking time out of their day to just sit with a dying mortal.”
“Again, not a god,” Death gestured around them again. “and time really isn’t something I need to concern myself with.”
“Why concern yourself with me? Why not just take me?”
“What are you in such a rush to die? You’re young, handsome, and have the love of one of the most wonderful beings in this universe?” She cocked her head at him. “Surely you would want to live for her? For the family that you two have built?”
“If I survive this attack, I don’t see what the point of going home would be. I’m sick. Dying likely very soon. Me returning home… it would only lead to heartache.”
“Life is heartache, Cloud. It’s joyful, loving, rage inducing, and tragic. It is short and limited, and what you have should be cherished.”
Cloud looked toward her with an angry expression, and opened his mouth to speak; but the kindness in her face calmed his anger.
“Why are you here? What makes me so special that you’ve taken this time with me?”
“Why do you assume that I don’t spend this time with everyone?” Cloud raised his eyebrow at her and she laughed, “I see every mortal and “immortal” being. All of your heartache. Your struggles. I’m there when you’re born and I’m here to take you beyond this world to the sunless lands when the time comes. I know all of you. I love all of you. A conversation with one of you like this isn’t an inconvenience for me. It isn’t beneath me. Quite the opposite.” As she looked at Cloud, he finally recognized the warmth and expression that she gave off. It was the kindness of a mother looking after her child. “If you want or need to talk, we can. Or. I can just sit with you here for a bit. Sometimes we just need that.”
Cloud hung his head and sat in silence. The woman sat with him, taking the flower out of her hair and fiddling with it for a bit before putting it back. After what felt like hours, Cloud finally spoke.
“I don’t know where to even start.” He stopped and focused his gaze on Tifa, lost in his own mind.
“Why don’t you start with her? Tell me about your life with her. You’ve rarely taken your eyes off of her since I got here.”
“You obviously know about my relationship with Tifa.”
“Yes, I know you are in a relationship with Tifa, but I’m not omniscient. I don’t watch your day to day life. I’m there for the big life or death moments, and boy do you two have some big ones.”
Cloud scoffed.
“Where would you want to start?”
He sighed. “Probably with Tifa.”
She smiled. “Tell me about Tifa.”
Cloud paused and finally started to speak, “Well. We’ve been together for maybe 2 years now? I remember the moments after we fought Sephiroth, realizing that we were going to survive. That she was with me. That she wanted to be with me. That after all this time it had turned out that she had picked me, and only me. I was overwhelmed. I was happy. It was the first time I remember ever being truly happy in a long time.”
“So, what happened?”
“I don’t know. Things were, well, they were great, but not perfect. We were moving around a lot and we had Marlene and Barret with us, and Marlene was sleeping with Tifa which was not… ideal.”
Death chuckled, “I suppose not, but plenty of young couples have to deal with children early in their relationships.”
Cloud frowned, “True, but normally those couples had some time to make said children first.”
Death started roaring with laughter, “That’s fair.”
“I did like having Marlene around. Barret was less of a grump, and when he left her with us after our home was built, she made us feel like a family. It’s hard to not regret not having that couple bonding time, but at the same time, she was such a joy to have around. I’d never had that feeling before. Ever. It was just me and my mom growing up. Us against the world. Being a unit? Tifa, Marlene, and myself? New territory. Very welcome new territory. I don’t think I navigated it too well in the beginning. I wanted to be a parent figure. I just had no idea how to talk to her.”
Death grinned, “Very rarely do new fathers adapt to fatherhood immediately. Especially ones that haven’t had a father figure in their life.”
Cloud sighed, “It seems like you know where I’m going with this.”
“Only to a certain extent. I don’t know everything, and this is more for you than me. If you want to stop, we can.”
“Well. I can keep going.”
The young woman sat up, “Why Cloud Strife! You’re going to willingly open up further? Well, I never!”
“Not much else I can do.” Cloud sighed and continued, “I didn’t know how to interact with Marlene. It was hard, but I feel like I started to get the hang of it. Tifa was wonderful right from the beginning. I watched her with Marlene and was just… taken. I don’t think it was possible for me to love her more. She gives so much of her heart to us and asks for nothing.” Cloud stopped for a moment. “She would take apart her own heart if it would help one of ours beat.”
“I think I may be starting to understand your headspace.”
Cloud hesitated before he continued, “ But Tifa, she didn’t have the easiest time after our battles were over. Right after the battle was over, I felt her start to fade. She was smiling during the day and weeping in her sleep. I don’t know if she was even aware of how much of a toll everything took on her. Or that she wasn’t able to hide it.”
“So, how did she get through it?”
“Before our group went their separate ways, we went to the Forgotten Cetran City to pay our respects to Aerith, and the other friends we lost. Tifa finally just let the dam break, so to speak. I just put my arm around her and held her shoulder as she let everything out.” Cloud shook his head, “I sometimes wonder if I needed to be more in that moment, but Tifa seemed to be able to put one foot in front of the other after that. Eventually she started acting close to like her old self.”
“It sounds like you were exactly what she needed you to be. You’re very hard on yourself, but I don’t think you did nearly as badly as you think you did.”
“I still eventually failed her. Seems to be the only thing I’m good at.”
“Maybe. Why don’t you keep going? It sounds like things were a little rocky in the beginning, but you seem to be looking back at it with fondness. How was life after Tifa recovered?”
Cloud briefly grinned. “Life was perfect. Marlene was sleeping in her own room, so Tifa and I finally were sharing a bedroom and…”
The young woman raised an eyebrow at him. Cloud’s face turned beet red as he turned away.
“Anyway, when we built our home, we reincorporated Tifa’s old bar, Seventh Heaven, into it. Customers came from all over to drink and socialize.” He shifted in his seat, “I was traveling all over to nail down supply lines… I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow we were able to get a steady stream of goods for the bar.” Cloud briefly smiled, “Sometimes I found her things that were really special from traveling vendors. Fruit from Costa De Sol. Absinthe from Icicle Inn. A 1987 vintage bottle of wine from Nibelheim.” Cloud’s smile faded, “I wanted to dote on her the way she deserves to be. Be the perfect boyfriend.”
“I’d say that perfect is not what that woman wants. Or needs.”
“I don’t know. I feel like she needs someone better than me. Someone who can talk things out. Express feelings. Better navigate a relationship.” Cloud sighed.
“You seem like you were doing just fine. Anyway, you seemed to be living an ideal life with her. What happened?”
“During that time, Tifa had gotten me my bike, Fenrir, and I was able to travel farther. Get better goods. Much better goods. Started taking some side gigs on the way home delivering some things for spare Gil. Used it to tinker with the bike. Make it run faster, smoother. Tifa found out and suggested I turn it into a full business. So, we started Strife’s Delivery Service.” Cloud frowned, “There was a bigger demand for the service than I expected, so I was always gone. I’d come home as late as 2 in the morning sometimes, depending on where I was delivering to or how many deliveries I had that day. Tifa is an early riser, she gets up at 5am to train and keep sharp, and I didn’t want to disturb her, so I bought a cot for my office, and started spending a lot of nights sleeping away from her.”
“Ouch. Why didn’t you lessen your workload?”
“That didn’t seem like a professional thing to do. Plus, the pay was significant. With the monsters out there, not a lot of people could navigate the new terrain that came with the eruption of the Lifestream. Or fend off the monsters that haunted the roads. I felt like I was contributing to the people rebuilding their lives in a way that was important, as well as contributing to our family in a substantial way.”
“How did it affect Tifa?”
Cloud paused. “I wasn’t home enough to get a solid read on her. She seemed okay. Things didn’t really get intense until…”
“Until what?”
Cloud took a shaky breath. The young woman looked at him softly, “Take your time. We really aren’t in any rush. I don’t have anywhere else I need to be if you need a moment to gather yourself.”
“I know. It’s not like I have anywhere else to be either.” Cloud inhaled deeply and then let his breath out, “A few weeks into having the delivery service, I got a request from Elmyra Gainsborough. Aerith’s mom. She wanted me to deliver flowers to Aerith’s grave at the Cetran City. I went to pick the flowers up, and started driving north. North.” Cloud became quiet and spoke barely in a whisper, “Always north.”
“Traveling north never lead to anything positive for you, has it?”
“No. It hasn’t. Revisiting that forgotten city by myself, I became lost. I started to ask myself why I survived. Why it was me and not Zack? Why did Aerith have to die? Was there really nothing that could have been done to stop it?Some of my last moments with her involved me beating the ever living shit out of her. If Tifa hadn’t stopped me… I would have killed her. On two separate occasions. I failed her. I failed Zack.”
“Well, from what I personally remember, you weren’t you in those moments. In fact, you were trying to stop your body-jacker. In regards to Zack? You’re alive. So long as you remain so, you haven’t failed him.”
“Ha! Tell that to Aerith.” Cloud looked over at Death, “And considering that you’re here, it looks like failure by your standards is about to happen.”
“Cloud, I have been very patient with you and your obvious grieving, but can we do without the snark? If I was going to just up and take you, I would have.”
“So why are you here then?”
The young woman smiled at him, “For your sparkling conversation and company!” Cloud scowled at her and she sighed, “Why don’t you take a moment to collect your thoughts? Remembering this is taking a toll on you.”
Death stood up and walked over to where Tifa and Cloud’s bodies were. She looked down and smiled and bent over the two of them briefly before standing up again. She then walked over to the back of the church and went outside. Cloud stood up and felt compelled to follow her. She approached the large motorcycle parked out front.
“So this is Fenrir?”
Death looks back at Cloud and Cloud nodded.
“Interesting name. How did you come up with it?”
Cloud shrugged his shoulders, “It was the name of a large mythological wolf, felt it fit.”
“Are you familiar with the story behind Fenrir?”
“A little bit. Giant wolf born to a god. Known for its massive size and strength.”
Death laughed, “He’s a little more complicated than that. Where the legend originated, Fenrir was born to the god Loki and giantess Angerboda. Fearing his ever growing size and strength, and believing that only evil would ever come of him, the gods used a chain forged of magic to bind him, one of the gods losing their hand in the process. They gagged him with a sword and bound him to a rock, where he was to lay dormant until Ragnarök, the end of the world. At that time, he will finally break free of his bonds, and be unleashed on the gods who bound him. It is said that he will get his revenge by killing Odin, but will be slain by Odin’s son in a cycle of vengeance. A very interesting motif to choose to adorn yourself with. I suppose it’s slightly appropriate.”
Cloud cocked his head at the young woman, “How so?”
Death looked back at him, “Well, you were bound by Sephiroth and Jenova mentally. When you finally broke free, you set yourself after them and killed them both. You obviously got a happier ending then Fenrir did, at least for the time being, but it looks like you are being pursued by what I suppose could be called Sephiroth’s children. What you call remnants.”
“It doesn’t look like they’ll get their chance.” He gestured to his arm, “It looks like this is going to do their job for them.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Destiny can have a sense of humor, and you may have a few pages left in his book yet.”
“Assuming you don’t take me after our conversation.”
“Do you want to go? Are you ready?”
Cloud walked back into the church toward the pew, “I don’t know. I’m just… so tired.” He sat down, “That delivery was… it started something in my head. The realization of how much I failed. How my failures lead to my friends dying. How weak I was.” Cloud put his head in his hands, “Tifa picked up on what I was going through right away. Or at least when it got really bad. I was pretty down, just being away from home all the time. Pretty sure I was bringing down the mood.” Cloud looked up, “The evening I got back from delivering the flowers to Aerith’s grave, I got myself a drink and sat in a corner. Tifa grabbed a seat and asked if she could join me. I could tell she wanted to talk to me. I didn’t know what to say without worrying her, so I brushed her off. Told her I wanted to drink alone.”
“Hmm.” Death looked at him with a questioning look.
“What?”
“You didn’t want to worry her? That was your motivation for brushing her off?”
Cloud looked at his feet. Caught in a lie he had been telling himself, “I’ve been telling myself that, but I think I didn’t want to have to voice and explore my guilt. If I voiced it, I’d have to face it and deal with it. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not ready.”
“You know that she would have helped you through it.”
“They are my burdens.”
“True, but you had no issues carrying Tifa’s? Maybe she wants to help you carry yours?”
“I don’t understand why anyone would want to help me carry this.”
“Maybe because they love you and want to see you thrive?”
“That’s a lot of maybes.”
“Ugh. Ever the pessimist. Why are you so resistant to the love that that woman wants to give you? That you, very obviously, so desperately want?”
“Because I don’t deserve it!” Cloud shouted.
“And there it is.” Death took a seat next to Cloud again, “You know, love isn’t something that you deserve. It’s not something you earn. It just is. Do you love Tifa?”
Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but stopped, lost in thought.
“Well, that is not the reaction I was expecting to that question.”
“No! Of course I love Tifa! It’s just… it’s more than that.”
The young woman gave him a puzzled look.
“Love is used to describe so many different things. Cid will go on and on about how much he loves his favorite cigarette brand, and Barret goes off about how much he loves the new arm prosthetic that he just bought that switches between a hand and machine gun. To use only that word to describe Tifa? The girl I’ve dreamed of since I was a child? The woman who has brought me back from the brink of, well, you, with the sound of her voice? The woman who dove into my heart, and saw all of me, all of my brokenness… and loved me regardless. Put me together again,” Cloud took a shaky breath, “Love doesn’t do it justice. Love doesn’t do her justice.”
“Does she know this? Have you told this to her?”
Cloud opened his mouth to speak, but Death stopped him, “Cloud, if you say words aren’t the only way to show someone how you feel, I’m going to smack you.”
Cloud promptly closed his mouth and thought for a moment before his eyes went wide, “Wait, Tifa said that to me right before… oh gods. How were you there?! No one was dying!”
“Do you know how much foliage you two killed with your….”
“Oh gods.”
“Honestly, not the most embarrassing thing I’ve had to take a life from.” She shook her head, “My point is, words without actions are useless, but the words are still important. What happens if events unrelated to Tifa affect your ability to show love with actions? How is she supposed to know what or how you feel?”
Cloud sat silently for a moment before speaking, “She asked me once. If I loved her. Woke me up out of a dead sleep.”
“And?”
“After I woke up she deflected and asked if I loved Marlene. I told her I did but didn’t know how to act around her sometimes.”
“Gods, you two… Alright, I’d say I’ve beat that horse enough. Let’s move on.” She sat back down next to Cloud, “You’ve talked a lot about Tifa and Marlene, but you haven’t talked at all about the most recent member of your family.”
Cloud expression slightly brightened before he frowned.
“Denzel was… very key in me finding my voice in our family.”
“How so?”
Cloud leaned back and looked up, “Well. I found him collapsed outside of this church. He had a Geostigma attack that had knocked him out. I’d left my cell phone on Fenrir, and he had called Tifa. Tifa told me to bring him home. So I did.”
Cloud looked back down at his feet, “I felt like he was brought to me. To make up for all the lives lost due to my failings.” A brief hint of a smile formed on his face, “Tifa corrected me. She said he was brought to us. That we were meant to take care of him. I think she was trying to tell me that I didn’t have to bear the burden alone. For once, I felt like she was right. For a time.”
“So things were good with Denzel?”
“Yeah, things were good. I was able to interact in a way with him that I couldn’t figure out with Marlene, and that bled over into how I interacted with her. We felt like a genuine family. Tifa and I were better than we had been in months. I’d started doing some cartography and the maps I was making were proving to be fairly valuable.” Cloud grinned, “The kids loved the map drawing and finding out about the different kind of terrain changes. Learning about what routes I take due to road availability and/or monster attacks. It was a good life. Happy.”
“So why are you here?”
“I have Geostigma.”
“No shit, Sherlock, that’s not what I asked. Why are you here?”
“What’s a Sherlock?”
“It’s… nevermind that, and stop dodging the question.”
Cloud stood up and walked toward the makeshift cot he had in the corner, “I was so ready to put everything behind me. To look to the future with Tifa and our family. I told her I was ready to move on and work toward living… and then when I left a week or so ago, I came in contact with tainted Lifestream and got sick.”
“Why would that stop you from coming home?”
Cloud turned back around to face the woman, “When Tifa was around 8, her mom got sick. I watched her ushered out of her house as doctors went into her house to treat her. I saw her slowly fade from hopeful to broken over the course of weeks, as the doctors realized there was nothing they could do for her mom but keep her comfortable. I watched her completely break in real time, and now I have a disease that’s going to force her to relive the exact same situation. Only now, she doesn’t just have to lose me, she has to keep her emotions in check for the kids. Manage the kids mourning. To add to that, Denzel’s attacks were lessening the more time he spent with us. I wouldn’t say he was making a full recovery, but he was happy. Finding out that I contracted Geostigma? The same disease he has? The emotional distress could possibly bring on an attack that would likely kill him. Leaving both Tifa and Marlene to pick up the broken pieces of their lives, and adding more trauma to Marlene’s life, and she’s had enough already at her young age.”
“So you ran?”
Cloud looked back with a shocked look, “No, I didn’t run. I…”
Death looked at him with raised eyebrows, waiting for his answer.
“Yeah… I ran.” He closed his eyes as his expression fell, “I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. The damage that coming home with this illness can do is beyond anything I can comprehend.” Cloud scoffs, “Go figure that when I decide to get my life together, the universe decides to take a shit in my dinner. Again.”
Death sighs and shakes her head, “That’s typically how it goes. I don’t think that leaving Tifa like this will bring you any sort of peace. You’re more than likely to become a shade.”
Cloud scowled and took an aggressive tone, “Why would I care about peace?! Why should I care about what happens to me if I die?!” Catching himself, he softened, “I’m sorry. It’s just, the only thing that matters at this point is minimizing my family’s pain. I feel like I’ve caused Tifa enough grief. Between being a moody asshole, and now leaving her alone to care for our dying child. I deserve this.”
He looked up to see Death looking at him with a pained look on her face, “You really believe that, don’t you?”
“I do. All I’ve given Tifa is pain. I am going to die. I’ve brought in and left her a child that is going to die. I’ve failed to find a cure for my adopted son and instead contracted the same disease. All I’ve done, all I have ever done, is add to her misery. Now I’ve added to Denzel’s and Marlene’s. Besides, I don’t think they would want me back. Not after I left.”
Cloud stood up and walked back over to his cot in the corner of the church.
“Zack would have had this all figured out. The wrong man died in that wasteland.”
The woman walked over to the corner he was in and took a seat on his makeshift cot, “You keep mentioning Zack. Something you have to remember is that Zack had his shot. He fought Sephiroth and he lost. Zack was very heroic. Taking him was rough, the man’s willpower kept him from me for a while, but even with all of his strengths, he was not capable of doing what you did. Both of you and your friends.”
Cloud looked up at her and she smiled back, “I’m going to let you in on a secret. Everything that went down? It was all written in the book of Destiny long before this planet was a speck of cosmic dust in this universe. All of these things that you thought you had perfect control of? You don’t.”
“I don’t understand. We beat destiny.”
“The Whispers you mean? No. That’s the way the planet was attempting to influence events. Destiny is something much greater. Now don’t get me wrong, Destiny can be changed, but the beings that are capable of doing so are so beyond anything that you can comprehend.”
Cloud shot her an inquisitive look, “I can imagine a lot.”
“Well, one of those beings is capable of ripping through dimensional barriers between universes with their bare hands, another was able to hold all of time and the multiverse together with her willpower and voice.”
Cloud’s looked at her in disbelief, “That sounds far fetched.”
“This coming from the man having a conversation with Death.”
“So nothing I do matters then. If it’s all predetermined.”
“Eh, I wouldn’t say that. There are surprises that come up in the book, and just because a great cosmic entity, that for some reason does nothing but read that book, knows what’s coming, it doesn’t mean anyone else does.”
Cloud hummed before looking back at the ground. Death sat with him in silence for a
moment before asking him her next question, “Why did you pick this church to hide in?”
He looked back at her, “What do you mean?”
She shrugged, “There are so many places you could of hid around Gaia. Yet, you’re here. Why?”
Cloud thought for a moment before he answered, “It seemed fitting. The place where I met Aerith. My great failure.”
“So, self torture? I’m going to call bullshit.”
Cloud looked back at the girl, “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I’m calling bullshit.” Death stood up and walked over to Cloud, “There are many places all over Gaia you could of hidden at. Yet, you ‘hide’ here. Close. Obvious.” Cloud started to speak before she interrupted, “I’m not finished. You’re in pain. You want help, but your self loathing won’t let you ask for it. So, you’ve come here. It solves the issue of you needing to run away. Yet, at the same time you are in the first place that Tifa would look for you. Like a child telling their family they are running away but instead of leaving, they climb up a tree in their backyard.” She stopped for a moment, “But… she didn’t look for you. She gave you space. She thought you could sort yourself out on your own. Then, she thought you left her.” Death softened her voice, “If Tifa had known you had left because you had gotten sick, she would have come running to you. She would have brought you home.”
“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell her. I refuse to be another point of suffering for her. For my family.”
“I hate to break this to you, but at this point, with you being terminally ill, it’s a little late for that. Let me put this a different way. Suppose I take you, here and now. Tifa wakes up and finds your body. Finds out that you were sick with Geostigma. That you died away from her, having told her nothing. What do you think hurts her more? You staying and communicating? Her getting actual closure? Or her finding you dead in an abandoned church? Which causes more suffering for her?”
Cloud turned away from her, “I don’t know. I just… I don’t want her to have to suffer more than she has. I don’t want to lose Denzel. I don’t have any answers. I don’t have a solution. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Death put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s easy to run. I know. I’ve been there.”
Cloud looked up at her as she continued, “A long time ago, many universes ago in fact, I just got tired of the gig. Not a lot of appreciation for the being that takes you at the end of your life. So I stopped.”
“What does that even look like?”
She laughed at the question, “Not good. Bacteria and viruses refused to die, as did their hosts, so the sick got sicker. Disease spread far and wide with no death to end it. Not to allow the illness to die or the host. Beings suffered. Bleeding out with no way to die. Eventually I saw that I was needed and came back, but I wasn’t happy about it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I don’t have near the same reservations about my place in the universe as I did before. None at all, in fact?”
“What happened?”
“Well, for a while I was a morbid little shit to everyone I had to take. Became a bit of a legend that didn’t go away.”
“The Grim Reaper.”
“See! You know! I haven’t been that for am unfathomably long time, but reputation is a hard thing to lose. Anyway, one day, eons ago, I came to take a young girl and she asked me ‘How would you like it, if at the end of your life you had to meet you.’”
“Bold girl.”
“Right?! Anyway. I thought about it and decided to find out. I became mortal for a day. Decided to see what the fuss was about, and I loved it! Friends, Food, the entertainment, hanging out with families. It was all so wonderful… but like all good things, it was eventually over. I came to take me.”
Cloud furrowed his brow, “I’m having a hard time comprehending that last sentence.”
“I’m Death. The part of me that was alive for a day was just an aspect of myself. I can’t just up and completely go on vacation.”
“That’s depressing.”
“Not really. Anyway. When I showed up to collect myself, I really let myself have it. Called myself a frigid bitch, in less nice terms. The whole experience taught me the value of life. How precious and short it is. To be kinder to those I have to take. To be the last friendly face seen before the end.”
Cloud looked at the floor, something finally starting to click in his head, but not fully, “What do I do if I go back?”
“I don’t know. I’m not the one who left.”
“I’m still dying.”
“Everyone is dying, Cloud. Some people just faster than others.”
“I still hurt them. I still left.”
Death sighed and gestured over toward where he and Tifa lay, “I want you to walk over to where you and Tifa are and take a look.”
Cloud walked over to the flower bed and looked at Tifa. He noticed her hand caressing his face as they lay unconscious and he started to sob. He then stood up, “Of course, she would use what little she has to comfort me.”
“There’s that spark. There’s Cloud Strife.” She stood up and walked toward the door, “I suppose it’s time for me to leave.”
“You knew it wasn’t my time.”
“I did.”
“Why did you spend this time with me then?”
The question stopped Death in her tracks she turned around with a sad smile, “You remind me of someone close that I had to take. He was stubborn, duty bound, and very tired. Just like you. Refused the help of his family. Just like you.”
“So when you talked about sometimes needing to sit with someone…”
She smiled and turned back around to leave.
“Wait!” She stopped and looked back, “What happens now?”
“Well. You are going to wake up, and you’re going to be forced to make some decisions. I can’t really tell you anything beyond that, I’m not Destiny. I can’t see the future. I can’t tell you if everything is going to be peachy-keen, or if some shit’s gonna happen and I’m gonna have to come get you in a day. You have to find out on your own.”
She turned around again, “Anyway, it’s time for me to leave. You still have things to do here,” she looked back with a soft expression, “I hope you find the peace and forgiveness you’re looking for. I truly do.” She then smiled, “I’ll see you soon.”
The woman faded as she walked through the door. As Cloud looked around, movement started to return to church. He felt the breeze return, followed by darkness.
The next time Cloud opened his eyes, he saw Tifa in a bed next to him. He looked around. He was in the kids room.
“You’re pretty heavy.”
He looked over to see Reno and Rude standing next to the door. Rude furrowed his eyebrows at him beneath his sunglasses.
“You were living with some kids, right?” He asked.
“They ain’t here.” Reno followed.
Cloud looked away.
“That’s okay with you?”
“I…” Cloud was about to answer when he heard Tifa stir behind him. He quickly turned around to check on her, forgetting the question.
Reno sighed. “You’re a real handful.” Reno turned and left, followed by Rude. Rude slammed the door behind them.
Cloud looked at the bedside table between the beds and picked up a picture of the family he and Tifa had put together. He looked at Denzel and sighed.
“Yeah. I know.”