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Day off

Summary:

A normal day off for Patryck, Tord, and Paul include drooling on your boyfriend while your sleeping, going to a fast food restaurant to get lunch food at 6 am, nge and heathers references, sex jokes, and a lot of talking

Notes:

Oh shit I’m back into the Eddsworld fandom

Work Text:

His pillow was damp.

Extremely, and utterly damp. Tord had just woke up the first thing he had noticed was how him pillow was absolutely drenched in drool.

Disgusted, the Norwegian tried to turn his head to see who exactly drool was coming from. Key word; tried.

Due to the fact that he was basically cornered because of his boyfriends snuggling into him on both sides, he was now trapped. He sighed as he tried to nudge Paul awake, which evidently didn’t work and just got more drool on him.

“Ugh… Paul-“ Tord tried again, but was effectively cut off by Patryck unconsciously starting to spoon him. While Tord wasn’t exactly opposed to this, he got pushed into Paul’s chest, and the man just nuzzled his drooling face into Tord’s now messed up hair.

Tord lightly elbowed Patryck to try to wake him up. After all, they had a literal army to run and they had to be doing their respective jobs in about an hour. And frankly, Tord would like to have breakfast before he’s forced to stay hunched over a desk for hours and watch new recruits fail miserably.

Finally, Tord found a breakthrough when Patryck started shifting. Mentally, Tord cheered at this achievement.

After awhile of Patryck shifting and mumbling, Tord decided to see if he was awake. “Pat? You awake?” He whispered. This time, he was rewarded with a deep chuckle coming from Patryck behind Tord’s ear.

It was that laugh that had Tord’s mind reeling and having goosebumps getting sent down his arms.

“Hhm.. having a good time with Paul’s drooling problem?” Patryck mumbled into the nape of his neck, amusement clear in his voice. “Pat, help me- as much as I would like to not watch recruits train, I have to create new blueprints for the robot.” Tord scoffed and rolled his eyes into Paul’s chest as he said this.

Not that Patryck would know this, though.

Patryck laughed again, “You’ve been watching too much Evangelion, it won’t kill you to take a break once and awhile. How about we just rest for a little while?” He offered as he gave Tord’s waist a little rub.

“And suffer the wrath of Paul’s unconscious drooling? I think not, also Evangelion is a masterpiece-” Tord’s rambling was cut off by more laughter, this time not coming from the man spooning him, but the man he was shoved into, Paul.

“I knew you didn’t like my drooling problem, but I didn’t know you despised it this much.” Paul said as he leaned over Tord to give a quick kiss Patyrck.

At this point, Tord’s face was extremely red and all he did was shove his face in Paul’s chest again. His voice now muffled he said, “I liked you better when you were just tits and drooling.”

This once again earned laughs from Patryck and Paul. “Well, I did work for years to get these beautiful pecs, so I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway- I heard something about taking a break from one of you? Personally, I haven’t had fast food in awhile, soo…”

“Why the fuck do you want fast food in the morning? At least choose a breakfast place, I want bacon,” A muffled voice stuck between two soft pounds of flesh replied.

Patryck seemed to like the idea though, “Hmm.. Well I could go for a burger right now. And besides- you can just get a bacon burger, or some shit like that.”

It was that sentence that made Tord sold on the idea. “I’m sold, let’s go.”

“Uhm, Tord?”

“Yeah Paul?”

“I cant really get dressed if you’re constantly grabbing at my chest.”

“Oh…sorry.”

“Let’s save your kinks for when we’re having sex, alright?”

Tord nodded sadly, mourning the loss of tits in his hand.

Although when they tried to get dressed into their normal hoodies, they found that they were all dirty, so they were forced to go to a “McMan” in their full military attire. So, here they were, three grown men walking into a “McMan” at six in the morning with full military uniforms on, trying to get lunch food at breakfast time.

“S-Sirs, we don’t serve lunch at this time, you can come back again at lunch time or-” Just before the poor worker was about to finish their sentence, Paul grabbed a gun and shot the floor as a warning and dropped a hundred dollar bill on the counter.

Tord sighed and looked towards him, “Babe, that was just waste of a good bullet- ah, whatever. Anyways so, I would like two large lattes, one double bacon cheese burger, and two medium sized fries.” He paused, and looked towards Patryck.

“Pat would like a large ‘Carbonatedwaterwithlemonandlimeflavoring,nowwithextraweed’ a cheeseburger, and a six pack of nuggets, with one ice cream cone- wait what the hell do you mean you- okay, three ice cream cones.” Tord said as he counted all the food with his fingers and looked towards Paul, who then gave his order.

“Oh yeah, and could you put coffee in my mug please?” Paul said as he held out his “world’s best dad mug.”

“None of us have children- why do you have that-”

“Oh please, are you saying that ginger isn’t my child?! I cant believe the loves of my life would betray me like this…”

Patryck was getting tired of this and started, “Okay, I think we should just finish ordering now and find a table.” Paul and Tord agreed.

They got there food and sat down, leaving a scared cashier to run from the shop. Now, Patryck was eating ice cream and telling a story about training with recruits.

“I swear to god it was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen, she marched up to the guy and fuckin slapped him. In the middle of shooting practice too- and that’s not even the best part, she insulted the size of his dick too. Honestly, the guy deserved it, it was a dick move on his part.” While Patryck was rambling, Tord let out a “That girl is based.” While shoving his mouth full of fries.

Suddenly, Patryck stopped talking mid story to look at the blue paper Tord was holding, it was the blueprints for the giant robot he was planning on building. “Are you serious? Thats the design of the robot you’re going to build? Thats literally something pulled straight out of neon genisis.”

“Once again Evangelion is a fucking masterpiece, Asuka is so relatable-” Paul cut Tord off while he was reaching in his pocket and found an empty box of cigarettes. “Can we stop by a gas station on the way back to the base, I’m out of cigarettes.”

“Well.. there are other stuff we need to restock on..” Tord answered as he stopped tweaking the blueprints.

Patryck looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “I thought we restocked everything last week. Are you telling me that there are more things we ran out of? We went to hell and back to bribe those police officers for the case files.”

Tord laughed, “Ha! No, I mean personal stuff. Like, cigars, lube, condoms…..stuff like that.”

“Oh.”

“Well, let’s go to the nearest small store then.. I need a smoke.”

They headed out of the McMan and drove off, stopping by a small corner shop near the military base.

“-And then ginger picked up the ginger root and- I swear to god it was the cutest thing ever, sadly, I didn’t have my phone at the moment so I couldn’t take a picture-” Since Paul only needed cigarettes, he was following Pat and Tord around rambling about how cute his cat ginger was.

“Holy shit! Since when do shops like these have the original Heathers movie?” Patryck said as he looked in awe at the dvd in his hand.

“Oh god, don’t remind me that heathers is a thing. I thought I was basically irl JD when I was a high schooler.” Tord cringed as he remembered his “JD phase.”

Paul laughed, “Oh my god! I remember that! You always wore the ugly ass black trench coat, thinking you were so cool.”

“Hey! That trench coat was not ugly, besides, I think I look fine in black.”

“No your color is definitely red, it brings out your ass.” Patryck commented, before looking over at Tord’s behind and whistling.

“Wait- does it? I’ve never noticed.” Paul says before doing the exact same thing Patryck was currently doing. “Damn you’re right. How have i never noticed that he has a nice ass.”

Patryck laughed as Tord just awkwardly stood there as his boyfriends checked out his ass.“Yeah you should wear red more while we’re having sex.”

“Well.. I did come here to buy more lube..” Tord suggests with a small smirk.

“I guess we know how we’re going to spend our day off then.”

“…Watching Heathers?”

“After.”

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