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"Anyone seen Cole?"
Dalish points vaguely upward, and Krem actually looks up, half expecting to see the boy hovering near the ceiling or something.
"Probably up in the rafters. I think he lives there or something." Her eyes narrow at him, reading, and Krem is a grown man and he doesn't have to explain all of his actions, especially when they're part of his private time, even if she wants him to.
So of course, he mumbles out, "Thought I'd bring him a sandwich or something. Maker knows he could use it."
"Right," she drawls, and beside her, Skinner raises an eyebrow.
Krem coughs, feeling suddenly uncomfortable, and starts to back away. "So I'm just gonna go find him, then." He thinks he hears a giggle as he turns toward the stairs, but he doesn't look back. He tries even harder not to think about the cause of the giggling.
The second floor is full of patrons both passed out and awake, and Sera's nook, but no shifty blond boys.
The third floor is much more helpful. It's very dark, but Krem can make out a lanky form curled against some boxes in the corner. Bingo.
Cole hardly shifts as Krem draws close, which is mildly concerning, and Krem kneels down to get a better look at him.
"You're worried. About me. Why are you worried?"
Krem shakes his head, as if that will dislodge the kid from it, and tries to get a look under the hat.
"Hadn't seen you in a while. And usually you're all over the damn place, so I wondered."
"It…hurts." Cole looks up at him, then, and Krem can see how wide his eyes are even in the dim light. "Why does it hurt?"
Feeling his worry ratchet up a notch, he immediately begins scanning for blood, for body parts bent at strange angles, for--
He is not prepared for Cole to grab at his hand, tugging it to his belly. "Here. It hurts all the time, now. It was an ache before, but it's been getting stronger."
Krem takes a breath, trying to push down the panicked swirl of every horrible thing that could possibly be wrong, and thinks. He knows some things about Cole, gleaned from Bull after the cuddle session a while back. He knows the boy's not…quite human, which doesn't bother him as much as he thinks it should. But maybe it's something innocuous. Or at least something not fatal.
So he starts easy. "When was the last time you ate?"
Cole blinks and tilts his head. "I don't remember. Varric made me, before, but I can't remember when."
It takes all of Krem's willpower not to smack the boy upside the head. He settles for closing his eyes and counting to ten. "Right. Okay. We're getting you something to eat."
"I'm so tired."
Almost growling, Krem hauls the boy to his feet. He's a little surprised at the weight of him. Somehow he'd expected him to be more…ethereal. But Cole is solid. Very solid. "I'll drag you there, if I have to."
"Why?"
"Because someone's got to take care of you."
Cole shudders. "I'm sorry. I'm trying, but there are so many things I have to remember to do."
"Like eat?" He's snapping at the boy now, but he can't seem to help himself. But Cole doesn't flinch or draw back. He just looks…sad. It makes Krem feel even worse.
"Yes. It's hard to remember to eat and to sleep. I've never had to, before. The sleeping happens by itself when I get really tired, but eating doesn't."
Taking deep breaths, Krem puts aside the fact that Cole has apparently been working himself and staying awake until he passes out from exhaustion and focuses on food, first. One step at a time.
"You're angry with me."
"No. Yes. Maker's breath, I'm frustrated at…I don't even know. But I'm not mad at you. I am, however, even more worried now--"
"I know."
"--and we're going to the kitchens right this second, even if I have to carry you there."
Cole groans and takes a step forward. "No, I can walk."
Krem doesn't leave his side, though, keeping one arm slung across his shoulders so he can help bear the boy's weight. The stairs are a bit tricky to navigate, and they probably look like quite the drunken pair, with the way Cole is nearly stumbling down the steps, but they make it to the ground floor without incident, and Krem leads them through the door without looking back to see if Dalish and Skinner are staring or laughing or whatever it is they're surely doing.
"They like you. They don't mean to upset you."
"Right." Should've known his thoughts weren't his own.
"Sorry." Cole's voice has gone very soft, and Krem feels bad again for snapping.
"Let's just find a hot meal, and then I think we'll both feel better."
"I don't want to make the cooks work harder. They're tired, too."
"I will make you something myself if it's a problem." Krem can't really be upset with him for caring too much, but Cole really does need to take better care of himself.
They're both quiet until they reach the kitchens, save for Cole's pained breaths that prick at Krem's nerves, and when Krem finally drags the two of them through the door, he's already opening his mouth to give some sort of excuse or explanation as to why they're there at this hour when there's a soft cry and a woman darts forward, her broom dropping forgotten to the floor.
Before he's really aware what's happening, she's dragged a stool forward and is helping him lower Cole onto it.
"You silly boy. You've forgotten again, haven't you?"
And then she's off again, bustling around and stoking the fire back up underneath a large pot.
"Um," is all Krem manages.
"I'm glad someone else has finally noticed. I can't keep nearly enough eyes on him, what with all the work there is to be done, and I'm afraid he needs all the help he can get, the poor dear. Never eats as much as he should, just look at him. About to drop again, I assume?"
This statement is accompanied by a stern look at Krem. Her face is kind, but a little pinched with stress and worry, and he nods.
"I thought so. Everyone else seems to forget about him, and he rarely comes on his own. But with four young ones already raised, I find I have the space in my head to worry about one more. Here you go, darling."
She's pressing a small bowl into Cole's hands, and he takes it without complaint. She brings another larger bowl for Krem.
"Now make sure he goes slowly. Don't want him getting sick once we've finally gotten some food in him, yes? There's more to be had, if you can make him eat it, so please have as much as you like and do take care not to burn yourselves. I've got about a hundred things that need seeing to, but I'll be here, if you need me."
Krem is left standing a bit dumbfounded as she heads back to her sweeping, a soothing humming beginning to fill the kitchen. He isn't sure what song it is. Definitely not one of the tavern songs.
"It makes her happy to help," is all Cole says before dipping his spoon.
Krem just shakes his head in bemusement, bringing his own bowl up to his lips. It's better than anything the Chargers brew up on the road, though they're by no means shabby cooks. Beside him, Cole gives a contented little sigh that makes something warm and protective flare up in Krem's gut. He attributes it to the stew.
Once they've been fed, watered, and seen off with a promise to return the moment Krem notices Cole's been neglecting himself, Krem helps the boy back across the courtyard to the tavern.
Cole is warm against his side, and despite the fact that he doesn't seem to need the help as much as before, Krem stays close, supporting him. Cole looks more tired than anything else, now.
"How do you feel?"
"Heavy. Slow. Foggy."
Krem hums. "The food should help some, at least. When was the last time you slept?"
"A few days ago, I think."
Krem sighs and comes to a stop near a wall, leaning them both against it. "Cole, we need to talk about this."
"I'm sorry," is the immediate reply, and Cole wraps his arms around Krem's waist and squeezes. He has no armor on at the moment, so it's a bit more crushing than he's used to, coming from the kid. That hat is pressing annoyingly into his face, and he tries to move it out of the way without pushing Cole off, too.
"Hey, hey, I'm not mad. I told you that. I meant that we should find a way to fix this. To help you remember or something."
Cole leans back, blue eyes watching him almost warily. "Really?" His arms are still around Krem.
"Yes, you idiot." He flicks the brim of Cole's hat with one finger. "I'm thinking that, if you eat whenever we do, that'll take care of one problem."
"Who is 'we?' There are so many people, and they all eat at different times. I tried following them, but it was always too late or too early."
That…kind of makes sense. "Okay, me. Eat when I do. I'm not around all the time, but maybe we can get you on some kind of schedule." Krem waits for Cole to nod before moving on. "So, sleeping. You can sleep when I do, too."
"I can't sleep."
"What do you mean? You said you have to sleep now, right?"
"Yes. But I try and it doesn't happen. I'm quiet and still until dawn, but I can't sleep."
One of Krem's hands has drifted to Cole's hip, where his thumb makes thoughtful little circles against the bone there. "Have you tried counting sheep?"
Cole's expression is so full of confusion that Krem abandons that train of thought entirely without elaborating.
"Where's your bed?"
"I don't have one."
"Then where do you sleep?"
"In the tavern."
"For the love of--" Krem nearly bashes his head into Cole's shoulder, refraining at the last moment when he remembers how wobbly Cole is. He rests there, though, counting to ten again.
"They're never going to let me live this down." And then he straightens, tugging Cole with him as he heads away from the tavern. "You're bunking with the Chargers tonight, until we can get you a more permanent solution. I don't know how no one's noticed that you're sleeping up there."
"I don't think anyone minds."
"That's not the point. It's not…" Krem isn't sure what he wants to say, exactly. "It's not good for you."
"I don't mind, either."
"No. Shut up. You don't get to make these decisions, anymore."
Cole is silent as he trails along behind Krem, half walking, half being dragged. He stays silent during their trek across Skyhold, and he sits without comment on Krem's bed while Krem heads back to the door to close it. He doesn't ask how Cole knows which one is his among the nearly identical choices. The quarters are close, but at least there isn't a giant hole in the ceiling, and they're safe and warm.
Krem is busy wandering around the room, shifting things around as he tries to figure out what he's gotten himself into, when Cole says his name. When he turns back to the bed, Cole is still there, arms now outstretched. Krem isn't sure whether it's a request or an invitation, but he's reeled in all the same. He stands at the edge, unsure if he's supposed to sit next to the boy or kneel or what, and Cole nuzzles his face into Krem's stomach while Krem is thinking, arms cinching tight around his waist again.
"Thank you." It's so soft that Krem almost doesn't catch it. And it's so incredibly honest that he finds himself relaxing, tension oozing out of him even as he stands there. One hand comes up to tug Cole's hat off so he can bury his fingers in that blond hair.
"Not a problem. Get comfortable while I find what I'm looking for." He knows exactly where the book is, but he turns his back to give Cole time to get undressed or whatever it is spirit kids do before they sleep. When he turns back to the bed, book in hand, Cole is exactly where he left him. Krem sighs again.
"Is that how you sleep?"
"Yes."
"Okay, shoes off. Hat off the bed, too. I guess you can leave your clothes on. Maker knows it probably won't help the gossiping any, but we can try." He pauses while Cole complies, then returns to sitting and waiting. "Under the blankets, Cole. They're not there for decoration."
The boy plucks at them like he's just realized they're there, and maybe he has. Krem shucks his own boots and climbs onto the mattress, shimmying onto his belly as Cole takes his cue and lies down beside him, watching him expectantly.
"Should I have brought a book, too?"
"Nope. You're going to lie here with your eyes closed while I read you a bedtime story. Maybe it'll help."
Cole doesn't ask any more questions, just closes his eyes obediently and shuffles closer, one leg sliding across the backs of Krem's in a way that might be intimate if it weren't Cole. Cuddle-starved Cole.
Krem licks his lips and flips through the pages. It's a book of history, not really a proper bedtime story, but it's the best he has at the moment. He'll take a look in the library tomorrow. For next time. Maker, what is he doing?
Pushing the thought out of his head, he begins to read, thankful that at least none of the others are around to see them like this.
To his complete surprise, Cole's breathing evens out, and he's well and truly asleep by the time Krem is ten pages in. Krem hadn't actually expected it to work. It had seemed like more of a first impulse kind of thing that would probably need to be scrapped later. But no, Cole is really lying in his bed, warm and relaxed, one hand curled up near his mouth in a way that's much cuter than it has any right to be.
Shifting with a groan, Krem closes the book and lowers it gently to the floor before burying his face in his pillow. Cole's presence beside him is…well…really, it isn't that bad at all.
~~~~~~~
He wakes to two pairs of eyes on him, but neither belongs to Dalish or Skinner, which he is a bit surprised to note. No, instead it's Rocky and Grim, and if he had to place an emotion, he'd probably go with "bemused." It's better than many alternatives, but still, the last thing he needs is people thinking he's taking advantage of Cole, bedding him when the boy would likely be too focused on his partner to really consider what he himself really wanted. And that's a road Krem won't allow his thoughts to travel down. Definitely not this early in the morning.
"This isn't what it looks like," Krem grumbles out, voice rough with sleep.
Grim just grunts, and Rocky laughs, thankfully quietly. "And what would that be?"
Krem huffs and shifts, realizing that Cole is still curled up against him. Or on him, rather. Much more so than he had been last night. Krem is sure he can feel the boy drooling on his arm. He tries to struggle out from underneath Cole, who mumbles something about worry and what someone will think, and that gives Krem a moment of pause.
"Cole?" His voice is soft, not wanting to wake the boy if he isn't halfway to wakefulness already.
"So loud…" The words are breathed hotly into his skin, which begins to rise in response. Krem fights back a shiver.
"Sorry. Didn't know we were that loud."
"Thinking," Cole grumbles, and he lifts a hand to bury his fingers in Krem's hair. "Thinking so loudly. Don't worry so much. It's all--" his voice breaks on a yawn, which is definitely not adorable -- "all going to be fine."
Cole's pale eyes open slowly, and he rubs the sleep out of them before stretching languidly, like a cat, and Maker why are his legs so long…
If Cole notices him staring, he doesn't comment, but he does fix his gaze on Krem again, shifting in bed like he's not really sure what he should be doing. And Krem decides that Grim and Rocky can stare all they want. He's going to try and tamp down on his concern, if only for Cole's sake.
"For you, too," comes a soft response that he hadn't been expecting.
Tactfully, he thinks, Krem decides to change topics. "We should go find the boss and see if we can't get you a bed of your own. Maybe set it up in that room above the tavern so you're comfortable."
"I like your bed." It's said with such frank innocence that Krem feels sort of bad for where his thoughts jump to. He decides not to voice the comment that Cole is welcome anytime, though Cole probably gleans it anyway.
"Maybe so, but we can hardly have you bunking with the Chargers every night."
"They don't mind. They think it's cute."
And that was something he really didn't need to know. Krem sneaks a glance at Rocky, who's looking more pleased than he really has any right to be, and shifts the movement into one that gets him upright in bed. Cole follows sleepily as Krem stands.
"It's the principle of the thing. Everyone's got to have their own bed, you know?"
Cole blinks. "But Dorian shares the Inquisitor's bed. They're very happy about it."
Krem rubs at the bridge of his nose, buying a bit of time because he doesn't really want to get into this particular conversation and the differences between sleeping together and sleeping together, and why they're often confused, and why it's not a bad thing if that's what's going on, but he doesn't think Cole would appreciate being caught up in a rumor like that, and--
One long finger taps at the middle of his forehead, and Krem blinks and jerks back. If he didn't know better, he'd think there was a smile behind those blue eyes. And really, maybe he doesn't know better. Maybe Cole is…is…
"Stop worrying." And then Cole's grabbing his hat from the floor and striding toward the door. "I'll ask about a bed. I didn't know it was so important. Will I see you tonight?"
Krem smothers his instinctive reaction to the last sentence and manages a nod and a small, hopefully encouraging smile before Cole's closing the door behind him.
Rocky erupts into peals of laughter.
Krem throws a pillow at him.
~~~~~~~
He spends the whole day being very busy and very productive and definitely not thinking about warm sheets and warmer bodies. He feels a little bad for not coaching Cole through his meals like he'd intended to, but he hopes the boy can manage for a day. Because he really needs to get some of his thoughts in order.
When Krem heads to the tavern that night, book clutched to his chest, he finds the rest of the Chargers already there. And of course they are, the right bunch of gossips, if the way they're leaning in close to Rocky is any indication. The Iron Bull's presence is conspicuously absent, but a moment later, a large hand clasps his shoulder, comforting in a way Krem hadn't really realized that he needed.
"Nice job, Krem. Keep him busy and out of our hair for a bit." He's loud enough for the Chargers to hear him, and Krem wonders if his sigh is audible. "But really, you guys are cute. I think you're good for him." This last is said quietly, with Bull bent to Krem's ear, meant only for Krem to hear.
He doesn't object, if only because he doesn't know what exactly he'd be objecting to, but he does give Bull a playful elbow to the gut. "Yeah, yeah, shove off, you great sap."
After extricating himself from Bull's crushing hug, he ascends the stairs with a grin, feeling much more at ease about everything. There's nothing wrong with what he's doing. Nothing to get all worked up about.
Cole is waiting for him on the top level, and he's wearing something…different. It looks soft to the touch and falls loosely around him without swallowing him up. And he's barefoot.
Whether he notices Krem's stare or is hearing his thoughts, Krem isn't sure, but Cole offers him an explanation nonetheless. "Josephine said I should have proper sleep clothes, too. And she's disappointed that she didn't notice sooner." Cole turns toward a door in the back and continues speaking like he expects Krem to follow. And Krem does. "There's no frame, yet. Someone will have to make a trip, maybe. Probably. I tried to tell her not to, but she wouldn't listen."
The door creaks open, and Krem can hardly hear Cole's footsteps as he walks in front of him, leaving Krem to close it behind them both. No sooner has he done so than he finds himself with an armful of Cole. The boy nuzzles into Krem's neck, and he thinks that maybe they really need to have some kind of talk about boundaries and what they both want and so on, but Cole is so…pleasant. So nice to hold, like this.
As if in response, Cole rubs against him, like he's trying to worm his way even closer, and okay, he has to say something because--
And then Cole is stepping back, one hand tugging Krem forward toward the mattress that's been laid out on the floor. There might not be a frame, but Josephine has apparently tried to make up for it in bedding. A veritable pile of blankets and pillows covers it, spilling onto the nearby floor. Krem smiles at the absurdity of it, and then he smiles because Cole is all but burrowing into it.
"I ate dinner today."
The statement startles Krem out of his thoughts, and he pulls off his boots while he replies. "Yeah? Look at you, remembering to feed yourself." It would likely sound condescending toward anyone else, but he really means it. He's pleased.
"You looked busy, but I ate when you did, anyway."
Krem blinks. "I don't remember that."
"I didn't think you would. But Madeline was thinking about me today, so I asked her for dinner. She was happy."
"Madeline… Is that… Did I meet her?"
"Yes. Yesterday."
"Right." Krem lowers himself next to Cole, who immediately puts his head in Krem's lap like he's begging to be pet. Krem doesn't bother trying to resist the urge. "How can you remember everyone's names like that?"
"Not everyone's. Only the people I meet. Especially the ones who remember me."
"That still seems like an awful lot of people. It's kind of impressive, really."
"You think so." It's not a question, and Cole's eyes close when Krem's fingers rub at the base of his skull, gently massaging the muscle there. "That's very nice."
"Yeah?"
"Yes. I think it might help me sleep, too. But I like it when you read to me. Would you read to me again?"
Cole's nuzzled up against his stomach, and Krem keeps petting at his hair while he tries to open his book one-handed and find the proper page.
"You feel different from Cassandra. I like the way you touch me."
And that throws Krem for a loop. "You…what? Cassandra?"
"Sometimes she reads to me. But it's different when you do it."
"Do you sleep with her, too?" Maker he might have snapped at the kid, just then. He hadn't meant to. He tries to tell himself it's surprise, that he just wasn't prepared, but the thought of Cole bedding down with other people…
"Why me? Why would he pick me when he can have others? Foolish, foolish." Cole breathes hotly against Krem's belly. "You're not. No one else cares like you do. It's not the same, even when they try."
Krem is searching for something to say, feeling like he's lost his footing and completely unsure where his next step will take him. Take them. And of course, Cole notices. He scrambles up, sending pillows tumbling, and crawls into Krem's lap. He presses so tightly that Krem can feel the rise and fall of his chest. And he's pleasantly surprised to find that Cole smells…nice. Not that he smelled bad, before, but the apparently recent bath has only improved things. Despite Krem's mental flailing, Cole seems completely unbothered. He's draped all over Krem again, legs curled underneath him and arms about Krem's shoulders.
Krem tries to talk about it. Really, he does. "Cole… Not that this isn't great, but…what are we doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"What are we? What is this?"
Cole leans back and looks at him like he's grown a third head. "I'm Cole. You're Krem. You're a mercenary and I--"
Krem cuts him off with a finger to his lips, a gesture he hadn't really thought through before executing. Maker, Cole had… They were soft.
"I meant, what are we? Together."
Cole stares for a while, and Krem's not sure if he's sifting through Krem's thoughts or his own. After what seems like ages, Cole leans forward to cuddle up with Krem again. His arms squeeze tightly for a moment before he goes all loose and relaxed.
"This. We're this. Don't worry so much."
"This is so simple for you." He speaks into Cole's hair, faintly sighing into it.
"Should it not be?"
"I guess… Oh, Maker's balls, whatever." Krem gives up on thinking about it and just falls backward, which brings Cole with him.
Cole gives a soft gasp, along with something that sounds a bit like a squeak. It is instantly the most adorable thing Krem has ever heard. He doesn't comment, though. He just grins and nudges the blond.
"Come on, budge over so I can get at my book."
Cole shifts enough to allow this, and then he's back on Krem, clinging and cuddling in a way that Krem still feels like he should be worried about…or concerned…or something besides a bit giddy.
"This is nice, Krem."
With a snort, Krem lifts the book over his head, hoping he doesn't drop it onto his own face. Along with Cole's.
He's got one hand in Cole's hair while the boy nearly smothers him, but it's a comforting weight against his chest, rather than stifling. The sounds of the tavern are muffled on the other side of the door, just loud enough to be present but not enough to keep them awake. And when Krem's arm finally gets tired of holding the book aloft, he sets it aside and devotes his time instead to rubbing Cole's neck and shoulders.
Cole sighs and moans, one hand gripping Krem's shirt, the other cast out to the side. And maybe it's awkward, maybe it's strange, maybe there's a proper word for what they are -- or are becoming -- that Krem's choosing to avoid, right now. But whatever they are, it's nice. It really is.
~~~~~~~
There's only one window in this room, but somehow it's managing to cast sunlight directly into Krem's eyes. He groans and curls more tightly against Cole, who merely huffs. But the sunlight doesn't take his protests into consideration, and Krem opens one eye, squinting. He grabs half-blindly at the bedding and piles it up behind Cole, high enough to block out the sun. Maybe it's childish, but he doesn't much care.
Once again, he's awake before Cole, but he's not being plagued with worries this time. In turn, Cole isn't. In fact, he's near lounging against the wall of pillows, his hair in wild disarray, new bedclothes rumpled and twisted, but he looks content. Almost pleased.
"We should get you some breakfast. And I could do with a good meal, come to think of it."
Cole reaches out and tugs at the collar of Krem's shirt, coaxing him closer. "Okay," is his reply, but he doesn't make any move to actually get out of bed.
"This isn't getting breakfast, Cole," Krem teases gently, fully aware of the fact that he's currently warm and relaxed and comfortable. He doesn't really feel like moving right this second, either.
"I know. But I like being held. I like it when you hold me."
He still isn't used to the way that Cole says such earth-shattering things like they're common sense.
All he manages is, "Yeah?"
"Yes."
He can feel Cole's breath hot on his neck, and it makes his own catch. He shouldn't be doing this, it's too much…
"Why does everyone think that?"
"Think what?" At least his voice is steady.
"I'm not a child. I can make my own decisions."
"Cole, I--"
"Don't hide from me." Cole's eyes are bright and awake, even as the rest of him feels sleepy and pliant in Krem's arms. "You're worrying, but it's not a problem. You're making it one."
"What am I making a problem?"
"You're trying not to see because you're afraid to see. Don't be afraid."
Cole's shifting now, rolling to his back and doing his best to get underneath Krem. When one bony shoulder threatens to bruise his arm during the maneuvering, Krem relents and braces himself above Cole. The gentle sigh he receives lets him know that this is indeed what Cole had been going for. They've jostled the pillow wall, and it's no longer keeping the sunlight at bay, but since the rays are now spilling over Cole, lighting him up in golden hues, Krem doesn't mind.
"I'm not." Krem's protest is a halfhearted one, at best, and Cole knows this. The look Cole gives him is patient, like he's waiting for Krem to reach a foregone conclusion, and Krem wishes he knew what the boy was thinking because he really doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing now.
"Oh. I thought you did. That's okay, though. I'll show you." Cole's hand is still clutching Krem's shirt, and he uses it as an anchor as he lifts up, closer and closer.
And then he can't get any closer, because their lips are touching, and it's brief and wonderful and Krem gasps into the space between them when Cole relaxes back into the sheets.
"I don't know if I did it exactly right. Was that okay?"
Krem can't find his voice. All thought seems to have left him, nothing but Maker, yes… echoing in his head. And then Cole smiles at him. It's a small thing, but it's there, like he's actually happy about this.
"I am. And you want to do it again. I'd like that."
This will be the end of him. This frank innocence. But as Cole's lips touch his own again, Krem thinks it might be a wonderful way to go.
They rise from the bed eventually, and Krem politely averts his gaze while Cole changes for breakfast. When they're both clothed and shod, they stand together in front of the door, and as if on cue, Cole murmurs, "Stop worrying. It's okay."
So Krem holds his hand. And Cole grips tightly back.