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~~
It was an accident.
A twist of fate, and the wrong place at the wrong time, resulting in the Arkterra being hit hard in an unexpected meteor storm and having to make an emergency jump just before the shields failed.
They could have ended up anywhere, and all things considered this was certainly one of the safer options of what might have happened.
Didn't make it any less miserable though.
Void space.
Nothing in any direction but endless black, and though they had a rough estimation of their coordinates, they were stuck travelling at slow speed back to the edge they had leapt from, as the ship was too damaged to attempt another jump into the unknown.
Which meant a nearly three week crawl through light-less space as repairs were under way.
Firebenders and waterbenders alike were suffering the effects of it. No moons or stars anywhere nearby was distressful to say the least, and the energy drain had severely hampered the affected crew.
Zuko was no exception, and though he had battled through it via pure strength of will for a few days, by the end of the first week he had been banned from duty after passing out in the middle of the bridge. So now he was more or less confined to his quarters, where he moped about in misery and malcontent.
With all of his energy reserves completely sapped, his ability to regulate his own body temperature had gone right out the window, which meant that he had spent every day of his mandatory leave buried up to his eyes in blankets with the thermostat in his room on the highest possible setting.
And it barely helped.
He was so exhausted, and so cold, but his constant discomfort made it almost impossible to sleep.
So the alarm that blared beside him to signal Sokka's imminent shift barely phased him, until the slumbering body next to him grumbled something into the pillow before turning to crack one eye up at him. “Can you hit that for me?”
Early mornings always turned Sokka's voice to gravel, and Zuko's heart did a little flutter at the rich tone of his words, but he twisted an arm out of his blanket cocoon to switch off the noise. The other man stretched out beside him with a yawn, muscles flexing along his back and shoulders, and if there was one good side to the current temperature of Zuko's quarters, it was that Sokka had taken to sleeping completely naked in response.
And the view was always exquisite.
Not that Zuko was biased.
And to be fair, he had made a valiant attempt at getting Sokka to sleep in his own quarters for the duration, but may as well have been speaking to a boulder for the stubborn heel stomp he had gotten in response, with a declaration of, “I think the fuck not, I can handle a bit of heat, Zuko, I'm not going to sleep in my quarters knowing full well you are suffering alone. So you can knock that idiotic notion out of your head right now.”
He supposed it was sweet in hindsight, though he still wanted to argue that now both of them were suffering instead.
Still.
Zuko couldn't help but be grateful, especially with miles of dark skin on display as Sokka stood up and began rummaging through the dresser in search of a clean uniform.
He tucked himself in tighter, curling his legs up, and his body was quick to protest the loss of heat from his lover. “How many?”
Sokka turned towards him, shirt slung over one shoulder with his pants on, but undone. “Eleven days. Maybe a little less. If we get any signal at all we are going to attempt a jump, but I don't have high hopes with us being this far out.” He strode forward, plopping down to sit beside Zuko on the bed with a sigh. “Did you sleep at all?”
Zuko shrugged. “A bit, maybe. Not sure.” He sighed slowly through his nose as a hand pressed against his forehead gently.
Sokka leaned down to give him a quick kiss before pulling back, concern written on every inch of his features. “I hate this.” His palm slid to the side to rub his thumb softly against Zuko's aching temple. “I wish I could do something.”
The gentle press had Zuko's eyes slipping closed, and he leaned into the contact with a small smile. “Nothing to be done about it, just have to wait it out.”
Sokka huffed. “Next time we get shore leave I'm booking us into a beach resort where I can put you out in the sun for a week straight.”
Zuko snorted. “You hate the heat.” They flipped for shore leave, usually. Zuko always opted for tropical, while Sokka favoured wintergreen forests, and truth be told Zuko loved it either way.
“Which is why I will be floating comfortably in the water with a fruity cocktail.” Sokka stood back up, hopping once to tug his pants on properly and throwing his shirt on. “And it's not up for discussion, for the sake of my mental health I need to see you as far from this as possible.”
“Deal. As long as I get to see you build me something pretty while we're there. It's fun to watch you break all laws of physics with sand.” It was ridiculous to watch, honestly, but Zuko always loved getting to see Sokka's considerable intellect put to use on something fun.
Not to mention the bit of pride he always felt for his boyfriend when other beach goers would inevitably come up and ask to take a picture of his work.
When Zuko glanced back up, Sokka was watching him with an all-too-knowing grin. “You just want to watch me work with my hands. Don't think I don't know about that particular kink of yours.”
Well. No point in lying.
He squinted up with a half-ass glare. “No comment.”
Sokka laughed and bent down to kiss him once more, before standing with a stretch and a groan. “I'll see you after my shift. Try to get some sleep, please?”
Zuko grunted and buried himself more firmly under his covers. “You aren't the boss of me.”
“No, just some guy who loves you, idiot.” Sokka shot him a wink before disappearing out the door.
The whoosh of the doors was followed by abrupt silence, and all the humour abruptly fled Zuko, leaving only the bitterness of exhaustion in it's wake.
He sighed to himself, freeing an arm from his blankets to reach across and grab Sokka's pillow, pulling it into his chest. The residual warmth was something, at least, and he couldn't stop himself from burying his nose against it to get the hints of Sokka's scent that remained.
In spite of himself, he closed his eyes and tried to force his body back to sleep, though the ache that travelled to every inch of his skin was difficult to ignore. Zuko took a few deep breathes, pulling his mind away from the pain and discomfort, and took it to somewhere more pleasant.
To peaceful beaches, and blazing sunlight, and castles of sand.
To a bright smile.
Ocean blue eyes.
Warm brown skin beneath his fingertips.
Zuko held every inch of the imagined visual in an iron grip, and slowly allowed himself to drift into nothingness.
~~
He did manage to get some rest, but it was sporadic throughout the day. And it certainly did not help matters that his ability to measure time had been destroyed over the past week.
So he was more than a bit startled when his comm went off, signaling someone at his door. Glancing over at the clock he realized it was 20:05, nearly two full hours beyond when Sokka should have been home.
Zuko sat up as a bolt of panic raced down his spine, and he reached for his comm with clumsy fingers. “This is Zuko.”
The crackle of static gave way to quiet voice. “Oh, um, hello Commander, this is Ensign Riaz? Lieutenant Sokka sent me up here to let you know he would be quite late tonight, and not to wait up for him.”
His worry instantly gave way to confusion. “Oh, well... okay? He could have just commed me- actually for that matter you could have as well. Why did you come all the way up here?”
She cleared her throat, and Zuko could hear the bit of humour in her voice as she answered. “I was also sent to the mess hall to bring you some food, which is not the easiest thing to give you via comm, Commander. If you- ah- wouldn't mind opening the door?”
Zuko groaned and scrubbed a hand down his face. “Oh for fucks s- yes, just a minute.” He cut the call and gingerly levered himself up, throwing his blankets off. The chill that instantly bit into him gave him pause for a moment, and he grabbed one of Sokka's hoodies off the arm of his sofa, throwing it on haphazardly as he made his way to the door.
He smacked a hand against the entry button, and revealed Riaz on the other side, holding a ludicrously full metal tray in her arms. “Evening, Commander.”
Zuko sighed and moved out of the way to let her in. “This is so unnecessary. I have a replicator in my quarters. He knows that.”
She set the tray down on his coffee table and turned to raise an eyebrow at him. “And have you used it? At all today? No offence Commander, but you look like death warmed over.”
Zuko's response died in his throat, and he rubbed a hand down the back of his neck as he felt it flush with embarrassment. “I... have not felt overly hungry.”
Which was a complete lie. Truth be told he apparently had forgotten to eat.
Anything.
All day.
And now that it was pointed out, he suddenly felt a deep pang in his stomach as if it sensed the nearby plates of food.
Riaz raised an unconvinced eyebrow. “Uh-huh.” She was short in stature, but the stern look she favoured him nearly had him taking a step back. “I don't think I need to bother explaining to you that without any star-based energy sources, your calorie intake should be double- if not triple- the norm, just to keep you at a bare minimum of function?”
Zuko sighed, resting two fingers against his temple to ward off the incoming headache from this entire interaction. “Is this how you speak to all the personnel that outrank you, Riaz?”
Riaz snorted, making her way back to the front door. “You may outrank me, Commander, but Sokka is my CO, and I am far more worried about keeping him happy than I am about ruffling your feathers.” She turned and gave him a quick salute. “Have a good night.”
The doors slid shut behind her, and Zuko eyed it for a moment, before turning his attention to the food. He debated taking it to bed with him, but ultimately decided that was a bit too slovenly, even in his current state. Instead he grabbed a few blankets and curled up on the couch with the tray balanced on the armrest.
He turned his monitor on and flipped through his movie collection, ultimately deciding on a flirty romance between a merman and a lighthouse worker, before digging into his snacks.
Nearly two hours later, he was just getting to the penultimate moment between Jonah and Martin, when his door chimed and Sokka walked in. He quickly hit pause as his boyfriend wandered towards him, shedding clothing as he went. Zuko wordlessly rearranged his blankets to make room as Sokka made a beeline down onto the couch, dropping his head onto Zuko's lap with a muffled groan.
Zuko smiled, bringing a hand down to rest on Sokka's cheek and raising an eyebrow when blue eyes squinted up at him. “You okay?”
Sokka huffed a laugh. “That's my line.” He shifted a bit, catching his heels on the corner cushion to pull his socks off and kicking them somewhere on the floor before letting his weight settle more heavily against Zuko. “Yes, just tired. Working on something complicated, big math stuff, you know. Turns my brain to mush after a while.”
“Ah yes, 'big math stuff,' the worst.” Zuko laughed quietly, bending down to press his lips to his forehead briefly. “You work too hard, genius.”
Sokka smiled, shutting his eyes and shoving an arm across Zuko's legs. “Your genius though.”
Zuko let his hand drift over the muscle of Sokka's shoulder and down his bare back, running his nails lightly down the line of his spine until he left it to rest on Sokka's hip. “I missed you today.”
His only answer was a soft snore, and Zuko glanced down to find Sokka passed out in his lap, mouth slightly parted. He barely held back a laugh, not wanting to jostle his lover, and reached to turn his movie back on with the volume on low.
He still needed to see if Martin would risk it all to save Jonah from the evil fisherman.
(He did.)
~~
Zuko didn't really think anything of it, until it happened again.
And again.
Night after night, someone from engineering would knock on his door, apologize on Sokka's behalf, and hand him some food.
Night after night, Sokka would return hours later, and barely make it to bed before passing out in a heap.
It was starting to become frustrating. And worrying.
Zuko tried his best to not let his possessive side get the best of him, but between his current isolation and general poor health, he was slowly reaching a breaking point. Worst of all was watching Sokka become more and more exhausted, face drawn and dark circles growing more prominent every day.
While he didn't want to pry, or worse, guilt Sokka into coming home earlier, the loneliness was reaching unbearable levels.
So when a young, fresh-faced Ensign chimed the door on the fourth night, Zuko strode over and glared down at him with his hands on his hips. “What is he doing.”
Raleigh paled immediately, half stumbling backwards a step. “I-I don't really know? The Lieutenant has been working on some kind of project.”
Zuko's eyes narrowed. “Are you being honest with me right now, Ensign?”
“Yes! I mean, whatever he is doing is unbelievably complicated, and well beyond my current level of understanding. I'm not even quite sure how it works, but he keeps saying it's personal, so none of us have really seen it.”
Zuko's fingers tightened on the door frame. “Personal? As in this isn't even something he has been working on for the ship?” He couldn't help the small tinge of hurt starting to curl in his chest at the knowledge. He had thought, or assumed, that whatever it was had something to do with repairs, not something else entirely.
Raleigh shrugged. “Well, yes? That is why he has been working after hours after al- oh shit.” His eyes widened as he took in Zuko's stricken expression. “I shouldn't have said that. Oh stars, I should never have opened my mouth.”
Zuko blew out a breath, running his hand through his hair. “You know what? No.” He pointed sharply to his table. “You're going to put that food down, and then you are going to take me to him. Now.”
Raleigh's face fell, and he quietly moved past Zuko to do as he was bid.
On a different day, Zuko was sure he would feel remorse for this entire interaction, but currently he barely had a hold of his frayed emotions, so he would save his apologies for later. Instead he grabbed as many jackets as he could put on himself, and a blanket for good measure, and waited by the door for his chaperone.
As they made their way through the quiet corridors, Raleigh turned to him with a pointed look. “It isn't my business, sir, but whatever he is doing seemed very important. To him, anyway.”
Zuko sighed. “I'm sure it is, but I don't care. The last two weeks have been shitty enough, and I just want him back.”
Raleigh's expression tightened, and he returned his gaze to the floor as he walked, but didn't say anything further.
~~
It was a quiet walk, at least.
Night shift had already begun, so only the bare bones personnel were out and about, and while he was treated to a few bewildered glances, they wisely kept any comments to themselves.
Though Zuko was sure he was a sight. Pale-faced and unsteady, the second in command wandering the halls with enough layers on to survive an arctic climate. Not to mention the blanket he had grabbed to throw around him happened to be Sokka's, and was, in fact, covered in pictures of orcas.
Regardless, his embarrassment was overruled by frustration, and as they continued through the ship towards engineering he couldn't quite fight the growing hurt clawing into his chest.
Personal.
Zuko tightened his blanket-clad arms across his chest, trying to stave off the much colder ambience of the standard ship temperature through pure force of will.
Was it just an excuse?
He knew Sokka was uncomfortable in the heat of his quarters, he knew that. But Zuko had pressed time and time again to send Sokka to his own room and had met only ox-fueled stubbornness in response. He wanted to think Sokka would tell him, if he changed his mind, if he wanted to spend less time together until this was over.
He wouldn't lie to him. Had never, not once, lied to Zuko.
So what could he possibly be doing that he felt the need to hide away for hours after his shift every night?
A small, insidious little voice inside his head said, well, it's not as if you ever bothered to ask.
A muscle ticked in Zuko's jaw as it clenched, and they rounded the corner to the lift that would take them below to the engines. “Whereabouts is he?”
Raleigh glanced at him and away. “In the furthest lab, past diagnostics.”
“Thank you. You are dismissed for the night.”
The Ensign's gaze snapped back to him in shock, “Sir, I-”
Zuko held up a hand. “I'm not angry with you. And I will let Sokka know you will return to your duties tomorrow. I simply wish for privacy.”
Raleigh sighed. “Yes, sir.” He threw a salute to Zuko, before turning and going back up the corridor they had just come through.
Zuko took a breath, and entered the lift, grateful for the solitude as he made it from the quarterdeck down to engineering with no one stopping to board as well.
The echoing halls were cold and quiet, and he ignored the shiver trying to work down his spine to stride purposefully into the engine bay. A few technicians on night shift eyed his approach, but no one moved to stop him or even question his presence there, instead apparently electing to make themselves busy elsewhere if the scrape of chairs behind him was anything to go by.
At last he made it to his destination, and pressed his fingertips to the call button for the lab door. Zuko heard a muffled, “enter,” from the other side, before the door swished open in front of him.
Sokka was sitting with his back to him, hunched over a worktable with a mess of paper and odd objects scattered in an ever increasing mass that stretched in every direction away from him. He straightened slightly and stretched with a groan. “How was he? Did he look okay?”
The earnest tone gave Zuko pause, opening his mouth to answer but not really knowing what to say.
Ultimately, he chose honesty,
“He looked upset.”
Sokka froze the moment the quiet words reached him, breath hitching as he spun, wide-eyed. “Zuko? What, I- why are you down here?” He shot up off his chair but stopped when he took in Zuko's expression. “Zuko, what's wrong?” His voice instantly quieted, and he took an aborted step forward.
Zuko eyed him, guilt threading through his chest as he took in the dark lines and weariness painted on every inch of Sokka's expression. He could feel his throat tighten as he began to softly speak, overwhelmed by his own emotions. “I don't know what you are working on, and I don't know why it is so important, but please Sokka, I just-” Zuko felt his eyes prick as his voice cracked for a moment, and he swallowed hard. “I miss you.” He unclenched his hands from his sides and gestured to himself. “And I know I'm not the most fun to be around right now, and I get it, I do, if you need some space from me until this is over, but please just tell me.” All the fight had fled him before he even began, and now he was just raw and upset, having to wipe at his burning eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.
Sokka was staring at him, expression blank for a moment before a dawning realization crossed his face and his mouth parted in shock. “Oh, stars.” He cleared the room in a quick stride and instantly swept Zuko into his arms, the strength of his hold leaving no room for argument. “Zuko, I'm not avoiding you. I'm not, I swear.” Lips pressed against his temple warm and soft. “And I always want to be around you, doesn't matter if you are sick, or grumpy, or whatever! I want to be with you because you're you.”
Zuko let his hands grip into the cloth covering Sokka's chest. “I just don't understand. I thought you were working on ship repairs, not... whatever this is.” He opened his eyes to glance over Sokka's shoulder at the rather complicated mess scattered over that side of the room.
Sokka squeezed him tightly once before pulling back a bit with a sigh. “It's actually... well. It would be easier to show you.” He brought his own hands up to cover Zuko's and tangled their fingers before leaning forward to kiss him. It was just a soft press of lips, but it lingered, an offer of reassurance he easily accepted. “C'mere.”
Sokka led him to the worktable by his hands before letting him go to pick up a small metal... chain? That was a terrible way to describe it, but Zuko's mind had a hard time configuring it to anything else, because his eyes couldn't quite follow the odd weave of it, like a braid that folded ever inwards onto itself, but remained flexible in spite of it.
“I actually just finished it tonight, though there is still some tweaking I would like to do. The trial and error on this was... discouraging for a while, not to mention the material acquisition.” Sokka offered him a small smile, reaching out to pull Zuko's right hand towards him.
Zuko watched, now far more confused than upset, as the odd metal loop was pushed onto his hand, expanding to pass the widest part before collapsing inwards to sit snug against his wrist. It felt strangely... dense, for such a small thing, and he only grew more baffled as Sokka tilted his hands palms up before slipping his own beneath to brace against the back of Zuko's knuckles.
Sokka smiled at him, a little bit of mischief dancing in his eyes. “Do you remember the latin word for sun?”
Zuko cocked his head. “Solis.”
Instantly the room around them was bathed in bright light as something coalesced between Zuko's palms.
Something heavy, and hot, and alive with motion.
Zuko's mouth parted in shock, taking in a startled breath as his gaze darted between Sokka and the object in his hands, mind barely comprehending the enormity of what he was holding.
A star.
It was so warm in his hands, just shy of being hot enough to burn, and the light and fire of it licked along the skin of his forearms in waves, heating him right down to the bone. It was such a relief from the constant chill he nearly sagged to the floor, but Sokka slid his hands up to grip his elbows and keep him steady as he swayed for a moment. Zuko blinked up at his lover in pure amazement, unable to even form a sentence.
Sokka's smile softened into something more gentle, and his thumbs rubbed gently against Zuko's biceps. “I know it isn't the same. I know it's not what you need, not really, but it is as close to a facsimile as I could get without making it properly dangerous.”
Zuko shook his head, body finally responding as he took the star in one hand instead and twisted sideways to fist the other in Sokka's shirt and haul him into a bruising kiss. Sokka made surprised noise against his mouth, but softened to him instantly, slipping a hand into Zuko's messy hair. Zuko parted after a moment, nosing his cheek as he rested his forehead against Sokka's temple. “You are the most amazing, wonderful, insane man in the whole universe. And I love you more than anything.”
Sokka huffed a laugh, nuzzling him briefly. “Love you too, and I'm sorry. I should have said something, I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to get your hopes up if I couldn't pull it off. I didn't realize what it might have looked like from your side.”
Zuko shook his head. “It's okay. Honestly I feel like a bit of an ass for that scene, now, but I also could have asked instead of assuming. You know how I get sometimes.” And Sokka did know. Had been the one to pull him out of a spiral countless times over the years, since they had met in the academy.
Sokka didn't reply, but he pressed a quick kiss to Zuko's forehead before reaching to press two fingers to the shining bracelet beneath the star. “Nox.”
The room dimmed once more as the star folded itself away, and the chain grew heavy once more.
Sokka inclined his head towards the door. “C'mon. I don't know about you, but I can practically hear our bed calling to us from here.” He raised an amused brow. “And I'm curious to see if you will sleep wrapped around it like dragon.”
Zuko laced their fingers with a soft laugh. “I can tell you with complete certainty that I absolutely will.” The prospect of sleep, real sleep, in proper comfort, was such a siren song he honestly couldn't wait to get back to bed.
Sokka grinned and tossed an arm around Zuko's shoulders, guiding him out of the lab where they met a few curious onlookers that were resolutely ignored.
As they passed through the halls in haste to get home, Zuko couldn't help but wonder if Sokka would ever stop surprising him.
And while he wasn't someone who was overly good at 'big math stuff,' he was certain the probability was nearly zero percent.
~Fin~
There was once a very great American surgeon named Halsted. He was married to a nurse. He loved her immeasurably.
One day Halsted noticed that his wife's hands were chapped and red when she came back from surgery. And so he invented rubber gloves.
For her.
It is one of the great love stories in medicine. The difference between inspired medicine and uninspired medicine is love.
"When I met Ana I knew:
I loved her to the point of invention."
Sarah Ruhl, The Clean House"
~