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Sesshomaru threw the sake saucer against the wall, watching it crumble against the wall and fall into pieces on the floor. Once again, he had only memories of her to keep the pain at bay. He roared at the sight of his mask, reflected in the glass in front of him: a mirror that she’d sought out and placed in their bedroom.
Clawed hands reached out, ready to crush it with his fists, but they stopped a hair's breadth away. He couldn’t ruin this for her. Not now.
What if she came back?
The day that cursed jewel whisked her away, a year into their mating, he had felt his soul break in two, felt the crushing weight of knowing that his other half was gone, lost to him through the vestiges of time. He had scoured the lands, nearly torn apart the well in his desperation, until he eventually had to admit that she was gone.
Gone were her warm smiles, her acts of kindness in the dull vestiges of his day. Gone were her blue eyes that seemed to always follow him and find him. Gone was her laugh: bright and airy and full of life and love.
“Kagome.” He whispered her name in a plea sinking down onto the floor.
Just her name felt like a prayer, a soothing balm to his aching soul. The alcohol never kept the pain away for long, nothing ever did. Nothing could stem the crushing heartache and anguish that losing half of his soul, losing his mate, could bring.
He didn’t know how his mother had survived all these years.
He sank onto the ground, hair askew, and hands reaching into his haori to pull out a faded photograph, one of the few mementos from her time, from her, that he kept with him always. It was creased from where he clutched it tight, but it showed her likeness. Her blue glistening eyes, her smile, the radiant aura she always carried with her.
It showed his mate just as he’d always wanted to see her.
Seeing her face made his eyes soften, and he ran a gentle claw-tipped hand over it, tracing her features once more, etching them into his memory lest that fade as well. He stood after minutes, or perhaps hours, tucking the picture back into his haori. He straightened himself, then looked at the mess he’d made in his rooms.
Besides the broken cup of sake on his floor, he’d managed to curtail the damage tonight.
He caught his reflection in that mirror of her’s again and paused, taking himself in.
He couldn’t be like this for Kagome.
If she came back, this wouldn’t be the person she wanted to see.
So, he straightened himself and held one hand over his heart, in that hidden compartment where her picture always laid.
“Kagome.” He whispered her name like a prayer once more. It was the meaning to his days, the motivation he needed to keep going. One day, he’d find her again, find that special woman who had meant so much to him. But until then, he would hold her near to him, and wait.
And hope that his chanting of her name would reach her soul, separated from him by time and space.