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Owen couldn’t stay any longer. He couldn’t stay and watch a life begin just as he was losing his only son. He couldn’t bare to listen to the healthy cries of a new baby when all he could hear in his mind was the artificial sound of the ventilator, breathing for …. For TK.
As soon as he was out of the bus he collapsed to his knees, feeling the weight of all his mistakes, all the mistakes he had made with his son. His beautiful, troubled boy, who had fought for so long and had seemed to have finally found true happiness in his life.
Owen had worried when TK had told him about the breakup with Carlos, had worried that TK would spiral and fall back into old habits. But he hadn’t. He wasn’t truly happy, Owen knew that, but he had held steady. And he was so proud of TK for that.
Had he ever told him that? That he was proud of the strength that TK had shown in the face of another painful heartbreak? He couldn’t remember and if the worst ….. if the worst happened and he never got that chance Owen wasn’t sure he could take it.
He wasn’t sure how long he knelt in the snow before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He reached blindly for it knowing without even looking that it was Tommy. He struggled to his feet and was about to ask about the baby, about Grace when the radio in Tommy’s hand burst into life.
‘..ommy Vega? Come in?’
Owen suddenly remembered that Tommy had told the team to contact them to contact them via the radio if anything happened, if anything changed with TK. He held his breath hoping, just hoping.
Tommy grasped his shoulder in solidarity before replying ‘This is Tommy Vega.’
‘Tommy! Thank go.. we got thr ……TK…….seizure but….. Doctors said they weren’t ……….Removing ventilator now ……….Carlos won’t…….. TK……gone.’
And with that garbled message, in that moment any hope that Owen had that maybe, just maybe the worst wouldn’t happen was gone. His baby boy was gone and he wasn’t even there to say goodbye.
*****************************************
When he arrived back at the hospital, he took the time to wave off Grace, Judd and their new baby before he started the trek up to the ICU, with Tommy by his side. There were no words spoken. Owen wasn’t even sure how he was putting one foot in front of the other. He just knew that as soon as he got there that it would be true. That TK would be gone.
He slowed as he approached the doors leading to the ICU – paused as if, by not entering, it wouldn’t be true.
But his boy deserved better than that. He deserved so much better than that and the least Owen could do was say goodbye, kiss his forehead one last time. So, he pushed forward and what he saw almost brought him to his knees all over again.
Carlos and the team were nowhere to be seen but Owen wasn’t even sure he would have seen or heard them if they had been.
All he saw was a team of 3 nurses pushing out a cart that held a ventilator. No longer needed.
He saw Carlos’ mother with tears streaming down her face clutching a rosary. No doubt grieving TK and worried about her son.
He saw the doctor touch her shoulder briefly before moving down the corridor, away from his son’s room. Services no longer required.
He walked forward slowly, as if in slow motion. And what he saw nearly broke him all over again.
His son still lay in the same bed but now Carlos was leaning over him, sobbing into his shoulder. TK was ………
At first he was sure he was imagining it. Was sure his brain was showing him what he wanted to see instead of the painful reality. But then he saw the small movement again. He saw his son’s hand flex against Carlos’ shoulder.
And heard the most beautiful sound he had ever heard, one he thought he would never get to hear again.
His son’s voice.
Breathy, quiet but there saying the most beautifully ironic words that Owen could think of.
‘Breathe. Breathe.’
And the world came back into focus.