Work Text:
Jason threw a book at her. “I am so, so sorry! But Roy needs me for a mission and you’re the only ones I trust. Please don’t let the city burn down!”
That was all the warning she got before Jason was out the door. She looked at the small notebook and stifled a laugh.
A babysitter's guide to the bats: by Jason Todd
If, for any reason, I am not in Gotham, here's what you will need to know to keep the local bat population from killing themselves off.
Adrien looked over at the title and laughed. “They can’t be that bad.”
She shrugged. “I guess we’ll find out.”
“What’s the first on the list?”
1. Tim has to be fed and watered daily.
“Well that seems a little patronizing,” Marinette said but stood up. “I guess we’ll go check it out.”
They made the short trip over to Tim’s apartment and knocked on the door. “Hey, Tim?” Adrien called out.
“Come in!” They walked in and saw Tim sitting at his computer desk. “What’s up guys?” he asked, not even looking away from the screen.
“When’s the last time you ate?” Marinette asked carefully seeing a couple of empty energy drinks but no sign of food.
He paused and then looked up. “I don’t know.” He shrugged and then turned back to the computer.
“Okay.” Adrien went into the kitchen and started to heat up a can of soup. “We can do this.”
They got him some soup and a bottle of water and then left.
“There is no way the whole list is like that,” Adrien said as they left the apartment.
“Well, now I’m not too sure.” She said looking at the next number on the list. “Have you seen Cass today?”
2. Do not leave Cass alone for more than 36 hours, you might find half the world's governments systematically dispatched if you do.
“I haven’t. Have you?” Adrien grabbed his phone and started texting her.
She shook her head. “Nope, last I saw her we were working on the dress she’s going to wear next week.”
“She’s working on her ballet number for the performance this weekend.” Adrien waved his phone. “So I guess that’s off the list, what’s next?”
3. Damian needs to be hugged at least once every two days. He will not ask for these hugs, but Robin starts getting real close to murder if he doesn't get affection, and a murdery Robin is something Bruce and Tim cannot deal with right now.
Adrien shook his head. “There is no way I’m giving Damian a hug. He’ll stab me. That one’s on you, Mari.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s only day one, we have time before we have to attempt this one.”
---
Jason had officially been gone for three days and they saw what he meant about Robin becoming murdery. So Marinette was on a mission. She suited up and headed out on the next patrol as Lady Noire.
“Good one Robin!” She called out as a warning when she landed behind him. “How are you?”
“Tt, I’m fine.” He looked away and she walked over to him and gave him a stog hug.
“You’re doing really well Baby Bat.” She held onto the hug for a few more seconds until he relaxed in her hold. “I gotta go, but I’ll see you around.”
---
The next day they both breathed easy knowing that Damian had calmed down a little overnight.
“Okay, so this list needs to be taken as seriously as possible. What’s next?” Adrien pulled out the notebook and read out the next point.
4. Bruce can hypothetically take care of himself, but won't unless it's easy. Make sure the cave is stocked up on energy bars and protein shakes. He likes dark chocolate best.
“Guess we’re going shopping,” Marinette announced and they grabbed their bags and headed out the door. Marinette knew that Alfred didn’t typically buy protein shakes for his charges as he believed in a full healthy meal, but she also knew that Bruce skipped dinner a lot, and at least this made sense.
Getting the supplies was easy, getting into the Batcave was less so.
“Adrien, what was number five?”
5. Do not let Dick forget to sleep. He gets acrobat-y when tired, and if he breaks one more chandelier Alfred might actually quit.
“Okay, I’m gonna get him into bed, you get the supplies down to the cave.” She broke off from him and headed up to the second floor where Dick was doing a handstand on the railing.
“Hey, Dick! What’s up?” She approached casually.
He turned around so he was facing her and let his legs fall to rest on his head. “Not much, just waiting for Little D to get home from school. We’re going to work on bars when he gets home.”
“Wanna watch a movie and chill with me?” Marinette asked, knowing that just telling him to sleep wouldn’t work, but turning on a chill movie would put him to sleep.
“Yeah, sure!” Dick dismounted the banister and followed her into the break room. On her way there she saw Cass slip into her room holding something that suspiciously looked like a handful of mushrooms.
6. Cass forgets to eat real food sometimes. She can no longer survive off tree bark, but will try anyway. Leave some blackberries outside her room or on the bench below the maple tree in the back and she will eat those instead.
Marinette pulled out her phone. Blackberries for Cass. I’m pretty sure I just saw her carrying mushrooms? Maybe check out that they're definitely not poisonous or hallucinogenic?
Got it. Adrien’s reply came quickly.
7. Make sure Steph spends time with Alfred. They both get lonely without their bi-weekly tea and gossip hour.
“Hey, Mari!” Steph said as she walked by, headed towards the kitchen.
“Oh thank god, something easy,” Marinette mumbled under her breath.
---
Duke was presenting the evening briefing. “So yeah, I’m pretty sure that I need to take point on this one. Anyone willing to help me out?”
8. DO NOT LET DUKE RUN MISSIONS. HE FORGETS THAT THE REST OF THE TEAM IS MORTAL.
“I can!” Adrien volunteered right away. “I think we can do it.”
9. Keep an eye on Babs, she has the means to dismantle every intelligence agency in the U.S. and is very close to finding a motive.
“Hey, Babs? What are you doing?” Adrien asked the genius who was very focused after their briefing.
“Checking on the CIA’s new division,” she responded calmly.
“Want some cookies? Marinette just made them.” Adrien offered out the plate and sighed when her concentration was broken.
10. Sometimes Bruce and Tim forget that they run a company. Make sure they read their emails every once in a while, the board is ruthless and can smell weakness.
“Hey Tim, did you see the email I cc’d you on?” Marinette asked. “I need approval on the new billboard signs for the textile line coming out. Bruce, you should have received it as well.”
“Oh, uh, yeah let me check my emails.” Tim grabbed his work laptop and Marinette saw as Bruce surreptitiously pulled out his phone to also check his.
11. Tim is allergic to walnuts. He doesn't remember this. There is an EpiPen in the hall closet.
“Okay, there is no way this one should have been applicable.” Adrien was staring at the list.
“He just grabbed a cookie! I even said they were walnut cookies!” Marinette was watching as Tim was taken back in the ER to be checked over after having to use his EpiPen.
“What do we even do with the rest of the list? Jason has to be back soon right?” Adrien looked at her.
Marinette nodded. “We can only hope so.”
12. The no-metas-in-Gotham rule does not extend to Diana Prince. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. You couldn't actually get rid of her if you tried. There is no Wonder Woman contingency plan. Don't look for it.
Obviously, this list was written before Team Miraculous came into the picture. The "no metas in Gotham" rule was more of a rough guideline at this point.
13. Titus has to be fed while Damian is at school.
This one they at least had down. Titus was being taken care of by Dick who was staying at the manor for the week.
14. Always make sure Red Robin has his third backup rebreather. He's recently decided he has a death wish.
“Red Robin!” Adrien grabbed his staff and broke it in two, both halves becoming rebreathers, and shoved one against Tim’s face.
Tim nodded at him in thanks and grappled them both out of the room that was filling with Joker Gas. Once they landed he handed Adrien’s staff back. “Thanks for the save, I totally forgot my extra rebreather.”
Adrien gave him a look and then a deep hug, looking over his shoulder at Marinette who had just landed with the hostage on the other side of the roof. WHAT? He mouthed at her and she just shrugged.
15. Batcow is NOT allowed in the manor. If Damian tries to convince you she is, he is lying.
“No Damian.” Marinette was standing in front of the door. “We both know she’s not allowed in here.”
“She’s cold!” he defended.
She crossed her arms. “She can go into her heated barn then.”
“Tt, Todd would let me bring her inside.” Damian glared at her.
“We both know that’s a lie.” She just kept her stance. “Get her in the barn and then we can drink some cocoa.”
---
“So, how was it?” Jason asked as he walked through the door.
“You are never allowed to leave again!” Adrien shouted at him and Marinette started laughing.
“It wasn’t that bad.” She walked over and gave Jason a welcome home kiss.
“You’re not the one who went on Duke’s mission,” Adrien grumbled.
“I’m sorry, Sunshine.” Jason walked over and gave Adrien a kiss. “Promise you’ll get more warning before I leave next time.”
“You’re taking me with you next time.” Adrien pouted.
“You are not leaving me alone here.” Marinette mock-glared at him.
“Let’s invite Alya to babysit next time,” Jason suggested and they all laughed.
“Yeah, that’s a good plan.” Marinette wiped the tear away from her eyes. “Now, I think you owe us a date night.”
“Yes ma’am.” Jason grinned.
“A nice one!” Adrien dramatically draped himself over Jason’s lap. “I want to be wooed.”
Jason pulled him up to kiss him deeply. “I can do that.”
Marinette came over and draped herself over her boyfriends. “For now let’s order takeout.”
“Okay,” Jason responded and then pulled her into a kiss. “Because I’ve missed you both.”
“Well, then we should stay in tonight.” She winked.
“No complaints here.” He licked his lips and ran a hand through her hair.
Adrien reached up and started carding his hands through Jason’s hair and she knew there was no way they were ordering food for a while.
Marinette sighed fondly at them "C'mon lover boys, make some room."