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It starts off with Wilbur getting sick.
Normally, that wouldn't really matter, because it's not like things really change. All it means is fewer, shorter streams. It does give him a chance to bother Tommy even more, lamenting about not being able to sing instead of resting his voice.
Instead, it turns out that he missed the beginning few weeks of a very important SMP season reset, so now Wilbur's freshly joined the server, given a pity pair of iron armor surrounded by everyone wearing netherite gear.
"Gee," Wilbur had laughed, watching all the shenanigans from afar. "How much progress can you make in -- what, two weeks? What, do these people play all day?"
So, in a desperate attempt to throw out ideas to get rich -- because Tommy just makes do with what Tubbo gives him, and well, Wilbur doesn't even have a single diamond to his name -- Wilbur comes up with... a plan.
"What if I just sold... myself?"
"What?!" Tommy choked. "What the fuck?!"
"No, you know, like..." Wilbur thought to himself for a moment, then he noddded his head, like it's all supposed to make sense now. "Like, you said it's gotta be unique, but there's a million different shops already, and -- well, there's nothing more unique than yourself! And who wouldn't want a pretty boy in their arms, right?"
Basking in his own genius, he completely missed the way that Tommy glared down at the ground as if it had wronged him greatly in a past life.
-
"There," Wilbur hums, putting down the sign's last few words. "Looks good?"
"Sure," Tommy answers, and he takes that at face value.
Right in the middle of the little shopping center they have on the SMP, Wilbur has put down a little sign detailing the information: for the price of a stack of diamond blocks, you can temporarily purchase the services of having your own personal Wilbur Soot!
... whatever that means.
"What does that even mean?" Tommy laughs, looking at the book and quill. "You don't even have fine print on this thing."
"Well, it means whatever people want it to mean," Wilbur hums. "Whether that means doing some chores for them, building, starting a revolution, mining... or just having some arm candy, eh?" He ends the statement with a wink, and Tommy just looks away, flustered and embarrassed probably to be seen with him.
-
In fact, Tommy's so embarrassed to be seen with him that he just... disappears.
No, he's still on the server, and Wilbur can clearly see that, but Tommy's been spending time with other people instead, almost as he's... avoiding Wilbur himself because...
No, that's stupid. Tommy wouldn't just do that, right?
Dream: LMFAMOEFOSJBGJGOUSDKGSG
Tubbo_: ???
TommyInnit fell from a high place trying to escape Slime
Dream: CAN FYOFUS CISOGEBSGIEJKGEUGE
Tubbo_: tommy ? ???
TommyInnit: fuck off dream i hate you i hate you i hate you
God, he's even spending time with Dream -- Dream! His worst enemy and personal arch-nemesis of last season, can you believe it?! -- over him.
This is ridiculous.
-
But not as ridiculous as this situation: TommyInnit finally coming around to speak with Wilbur -- who's made no progress on the money-making front (hey, he's working on it, okay?) -- and...
"Diamond blocks?" Wilbur blinks.
"Yeah," comes the simple response.
Wilbur cautiously takes what's being handed to him by Tommy -- who hasn't spoken to him in what's felt like months, god, Tommy, just the sound of his voice makes me want to leap into the air!
A stack of diamond blocks...
Wilbur looks up with wide eyes, to see Tommy waving a book and quill in his face.
"Are you... are you really buying me?"
"Yep," Tommy responds simply with a pop.
"You know you can just talk to me, right?" Wilbur lets out a nervous laugh. "I don't need your diamonds for my time."
Tommy looks severely unimpressed. "Shut up, Wilbur."
"No, you little shit, I'm not shutting up. We're friends, yeah? Even though you haven't been talking to me. In fact, I'd wager you're ignoring me."
"Shut up," he growls, but Wilbur ignores him.
"I just don't get it, Tommy. Take back your diamond blocks--" Wilbur holds out his hand but suddenly, Tommy shoves him against the brick wall and -- oh --
"Shut up," Tommy breathes again, and takes matters into his own hands. Well, lips, that press against Wilbur's, that are chapped and dry and...
So Tommy.
And it lasts for only a few seconds, but god, it doesn't feel like it. It feels like a peck and yet it also feels like it lasts forever, even though those two contradict severely with each other.
When Tommy pulls away, there's that look on his face again, the one that he made when he originally made the joke about being arm candy, and the one he just makes around him sometimes and Wilbur just doesn't understand what it means when it appears on his face.
Tommy rubs his nose.
"Shut up, you damn bastard," he says, letting out a small pathetic laugh. "How dare you go and try to sell yourself... do you know how hard I worked for these?"
"Toms, I---"
"Dream killed me," Tommy interrupts him, and oh, things suddenly start to make a whole lot more sense. "Tubbo made me his maid for the day. I gave up my own dignity, several times over, in front of the entire server! I did all of this..." Tommy then lets out a shaky breath, losing his nerve for a moment. "All of this for you."
Wilbur shakes.
"Why?" is the only thing he knows how to say.
He knows the answer.
"Because you're mine," Tommy huffs, looking away. Wilbur recognizes this look now.
It's jealousy.
"I don't want to share you with anyone else. So excuse me for wanting to show everyone else that fact as well."
"Really?" Wilbur's heart catches in his throat.
"Really, you prick." Tommy scowls. "I even fought off Quackity for you."
"What-- why?!" Wilbur chokes out.
"Because he wanted to pay for you and he wouldn't listen to me telling him to fuck off," he says, as if it's really that simple.
With Tommy?
Everything's simple.
"Well, then... uh, so..." Wilbur recollects himself, with a small smile on his face. "You have your own personal Wilbur Soot now. What would you like that to mean, Tommy?"
Tommy pretends to think about this for a second.
"Take down your... 'shop' where you sell yourself," he declares after a moment. "And be mine forever."
Hah.
Yeah, simple indeed.
"Sounds like a done deal, my dear," Wilbur coos softly.