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“Harry.”
He could not believe this. The absolute betrayal. Harry knew Draco could not deal with this right now. The fundraiser was just next month, the photoshoot a week after that. His interview was on the coming weekend.
And all of them required his face. His body.
“Harry.”
He was going to scream. Or cry. Whichever came first. Merlin he was so tired.
“What’s up, babe?” He could hear Harry’s footsteps behind him, and seconds later, dark arms wrapped around his waist. He plopped his chin on Draco’s shoulders and peered over.
“Oh.”
Draco would be furious if he wasn’t so weak.
“Yes, oh.” He turned around and moved away from Harry’s warm embrace, moving the parcel from his eye’s view. He could feel angry tears forming. why the hell did he cry so easily? stupid disgusting idiot.
“What are you trying to prove?”
“Babe-“
“Don’t ‘babe’ me right now, Potter,” he put on his coldest voice, and it made Harry flinch. why am i so much of a fuck up harry deserves better i should die
“Draco, baby, you’re not eating,” Harry’s arms reached for him, but he stepped back. “You’re not sleeping. I haven’t seen you smile even once these past few days. Teddy’s worried sick for his Uncle Dragon. I’m so worried. I thought- I thought this would-“
“What? Do what? The only thing this would do is make me gain more weight, which is already risen because of the fucking Sunday lunch, and it’ll cause a breakout on my skin. This makes me sleepy, you know that, and I can’t afford to lose time.”
He was just short of screaming. His headache was pounding, his tears were slipping, and everything was going too fast someone stop this please please please
He stepped back once more, and his legs hit the corner table, which shook and dropped the vase on top of it, which broke into a million shards and spilled the water in it and the flowers the flowers Harry got for him last week for no reason flew everywhere and that’s when he apparated.
---
Draco was a perfectionist. Harry didn’t know whether this was inherited, or if his parents pounded it into him, but he did know that it was not healthy for him. It took mind-healers, the good influence of friends, and multiple self-help journals for Draco to accept his flaws, embrace them even.
But there were times when it was too much for him.
“Everything’s moving so fast,” he whispered once, in a small loo in the Leaky Cauldron. “and I can’t catch up. And it suffocates me, if I don’t. So, I think, why bother with unnecessary things like eating or sleeping, when it’s just going to waste time, when I can use it to catch up?”
“I hate myself,” he slurred, on Hermione and Ron’s rooftop, a bottle of firewhiskey tightly held in his hand. “So much. Every mistake makes me hate myself, so 6th year was just a ride in hell. I have this little voice, you see, and it tells me the ways I fuck up. And ways to punish me. And I listen to it, because if I don’t, I fuck up more. And that is just not acceptable.”
Harry kissed every scar on his body, whispered how proud he was of Draco, how much he loved him, but the voice in Draco’s head always managed to overpower his, and it made Draco a slave to himself. An elf to his own mind.
---
Apparating while weak, or with intense emotions, was not safe. He knew that, he knew what happened to Weasley that day in the ministry, when Harry stole mad-eye’s eye. But he needed to leave. Needed to breathe goddammit.
He had no destination, but he ended up at the manor’s garden. No one lived here anymore, not since his father died crazy in Azkaban, and his mother packed everything up and went to live with her estranged sister.
The flowers were wilted, the few which were still there drooped. The grass was prickly and yellow. If Draco stopped for a second, he would see weeds growing in small patches, and the paint on his childhood swing chipped.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
He dropped down, curled up, and sobbed.
He was too fat, too sharp, too mean, too evil, too much.
His interview was next Saturday, the fundraiser was next month, the photoshoot the week after that, and here he was, crying like a pathetic person.
Why did harry testify for him that day? He deserved to go to Azkaban, just like his father. He deserved to die, just like his father. Because he was just like his father.
His loud sobbing, along with the exhaustion, didn’t let him hear the pop of apparition a few feet away from him, but when two hands picked him up, he dropped on his chest and cried.
---
Throwing a quick reparo and scourgify, Harry picked up the parcel and apparated to Pansy’s house. It was unlikely Draco would be there, but his best friend since birth would know where he could be.
He rapped on the oak door, going through places where Draco could be in his mind. After 30 seconds, he knocked again, this time harder. Why the fuck did Pansy not install a doorbell.
“I’m coming, oh my god.” The door flew open, and a small sneer appeared on her face, which quickly dropped when she saw Harry. He probably looked like a mess, panic in his eyes, holding a sorry look box of Ferrero Rochers. He didn’t particularly care right now.
“Can you think of anywhere Draco can be?”
Her eyes widened in understanding. Thank Merlin Pansy was smart.
“Have you tried the Manor?”
“I haven’t tried anywhere. I came here first.”
“Okay, go to the Manor first. Try the gardens, he wouldn’t go inside. I’ll floo Cissy. If he’s not there, come back and we’ll think of more places.”
He hurried out a thanks, apparating directly into Malfoy Manor’s garden. With one owner dead, and the other two denouncing it, the wards had broken, allowing Harry easy access.
His heart broke when his split-second nausea settled. Draco’s back was towards him, but the huge tremors shaking his whole body, and the heart-wrenching sobs, told Harry what he needed to know.
He hurried towards him, throwing the box of chocolates aside to pick Draco up and pull him towards his chest. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here,” he whispered, kissing the top of Draco’s head, “I’m here, I’m not leaving, I love you.”
Harry held him tightly, not letting go, minutes flying past. It could’ve been 10 minutes, or an hour, when Draco finally calmed down. He didn’t loosen his grip once, and kept rubbing the shivering boy’s arms. When Draco found the strength to get up, Harry crossed his legs, and put Draco on his lap, his arms coming around the other’s waist. Draco crossed his arms and legs around Harry and caged him, his nose coming settling on his shoulder, sniffling.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“You don’t need to be,” Harry whispered back, and Draco shook his head. He tightened his hold, but it didn’t hurt.
“I do. I knew it was getting worse. I looked in the mirror today, and it just.. Messed my head. I’m making excuses, sorry, you shouldn’t have to suffer just because I had a breakdown over fucking chocolate.”
Harry sighed, and rubbed Draco’s back, “Baby, I never suffer when I take care of you. I know this is hard for you, it’s completely okay to have a breakdown. But please, next time, if you feel like you’re losing control, tell me. I’ll take hold of the reigns for you.”
He could feel Draco’s head nodding, and pulled him back. He wiped the remaining tears off Draco’s face, and kissed his nose, and cheeks, and eyebrows, and eyelids, until he heard a small giggle.
He dropped his head down to catch the other’s eyes, and whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Draco moved forwards, pressing his lips to Harry’s, and deepened the kiss. One hand went through his unruly curls, and Harry moved his hand around until he found what he was looking for.
He pulled back, dropping another kiss on those soft lips, and brought the chocolates between them.
Draco’s eyes pained, but before he could say anything, Harry hurried, “You are the most beautiful man I know. You’ve been in Witch’s Weekly top 10 most gorgeous wizards 5 times now. And that’s not even the point. Love, you don’t need to have abs and muscles to look amazing. You have a soft belly,” he moved his hands to Draco’s stomach, rubbing it, “and mass in your arms. You beat Ron in arm wrestling, and Teddy loves laying your chest, and your arse looks fucking phenomenal on a broom”, that brought a snort from the man on his lap, a small smile blossoming, “and I love every part of it. I just wish you could see yourself, the way I see you.”
Harry let out a deep breath. He opened the box and unwrapped a chocolate, and put it on Draco’s lips, who opened his mouth and it whole. Harry smiled, and pressed their foreheads together.
“I’m so grateful for you,” Draco said, finally, and as the sun set behind them, Harry knew he would travel to the ends of the world for the love of his life.
Until the end.