Chapter Text
A lone human lays beneath the sheets of their bed, clutching a nintendo switch in sweaty palms. Their eyes are glued to the screen as the credits of the game roll, leaving them with a strange sort of emptiness in their heart. They had just completed their playthrough of Legends: Arceus and were wondering what the hell they were even going to do for the rest of their life, since nothing would ever feel good ever again compared to the experience they had playing this game.
“How wonderful it must be to live in a world with pokémon…” They thought to themselves, rightly so. What a shame to be missing out on such a world. And so, as they drift to sleep, I decide to grace them with my presence.
“Welcome to my realm, located beyond both time and space.” I appear before them in their dream as a brilliant light so as to not overwhelm their puny human mind with my Awesome Power and Incomprehensible Form. “It is well that thou art here. I am that which humans call Arceus.”
“I have got to lay off the Legends Arceus, holy shit.” They speak in their vulgar human tongue, unaware that this is, in fact, the real Almighty Arceus Itself that has appeared before them. I forgive them, though, as my mercy knows no bounds.
“Now, I wish to know thine Pronouns. What is thy Name?” I ask, despite the fact that the name of a mere human has no importance to me. I just want to flex how noble I am.
“Uhhh, okay. That’s different. Sure, why not. I’ll go with it. My pronouns are (whatever they are) and my name is (y/n).” My child answers, still unaware of the true gravity of the situation. I am not enraged by this, however, because I know that soon they will understand the truth.
“(Y/n)... Soon thou shalt find thyself in a world strange to thee…” I continue my speech, though they are starting to look bored. This would have been cooler if they hadn’t played through the game seven times already. “A world inhabited by wondrous creatures that humans call ‘Pokémon.’”
“Yeah, yeah. I got it already. I was playing the games before your concept art was even made.” The human speaks blasphemy that I simply ignore. Moving on…
“(Y/n)…”
“Yes? You have my attention already.”
“Seek out-”
“Seek out all the pokeymans, yadda yadda, this dream has gone on for too long. Give me, like, a romantic fantasy or something. This is boring.”
“...If that is what motivates you, then it shall be made to pass.”
“...My dream didn’t change.”
“That’s because it’s not a dream!” I take their cringe iphone out of their pocket and give it a little makeover, turning it into a surprise tool to help them later. My near bottomless patience wears thin with them, so I throw them out of the rift at the first chance I get. Normally a fall like this would kill a man, but my Divine Grace protected them on the way down. They better thank me for this later.