Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The noise coming from Taehyung's phone is too loud, ringing in his head that’s still heavy with the entire bottle of wine he drank last night. Reluctantly, he squeezes his eyes shut and slowly tries to open them, feeling the sharp pain strike across his skull. He reaches for the nightstand and blindly taps his phone, trying to make the alarm stop. 

Taehyung sits on the edge of his bed, feet dangling to meet the cold floor. When he finally gathers enough strength to get up, he stretches out his body and lazily walks to the small kitchen, yawning his way to the ritual of making his morning tea. 

It’s a day like any other. He doesn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to, so he just quietly sips his tea and sits in silence. Alone.

He’s not sure how much time goes by until his drink goes lukewarm, but when he no longer feels the comfort of the hot lavender tea, he puts his cup in the sink and walks absentmindedly to his studio.

It is almost as if he’s finally entering his little home inside his small apartment, so he sighs in relief. He’s welcomed by the ever present smell of paint and chalk and old paper and everything he holds dearest to his heart. With a quick glimpse around the room, he notices the mess that overcomes the place. But Taehyung loves it. It’s like an extension of his head and thoughts: always messy but still… his.

Nonetheless, he sorts through his stuff, trying to organize things even if just a little. It doesn’t take too much fondling around for his eyes to meet the closet on the darkest corner of the room. The one that’s always safely locked, as if the physical key could ever keep his mind from wandering around what's inside the old wooden piece of furniture. 

It’s helpless. Taehyung always thinks about that damn closet. 

And right now the thoughts feel like too much to handle, so he leaves the studio and closes the door behind him, deciding that today is one of those days when not even his art can save him from himself, from the heavy feeling in his chest.

He struggled for many years to name this unpleasant feeling of his. He tried again and again to figure out what was this ever lasting pain he had inside his heart. One day it finally came to him.

It was grief. 

What he felt was the unbearable pain of losing someone you love. Over and over again. 

Most of the time it was easy to get hold of the pain and make it through yet another one of the same uneventful days he always had in store for him. Never fully content but conformed, still. Always in pain but always caring that small, almost impossible glimpse of hope that this day would finally be the last.

But it would never be the last. He knew that.

And it’s not like he hasn’t tried to end this infinite cycle of suffering he was forced into. He tried to, many many times. But he would never just go. It would never stop.

He knew why. He just didn’t understand why him . 

The thing is, Taehyung is a cursed soul. He was destined to live his days searching for something he, now, had no hope to find. Forever. He does not know when it started, why it started or who started it. He just knows the pain of living long enough to see each and every person he once loved, die.

Everyone that left, taking with them a part of him.

Taehyung was immortal, but he felt all kinds of dead inside. 

He tried for a long time to uphold this curse of his. Tried and tried to find his “soulmate” over the many years he has lived. But all he found was the heartbreak that came with every time he was wrong. 

Portrait after portrait, he drew the faces of the ones he loved. Beautiful men and women he had fallen deeply in love with and who now were just names on this painful list engraved in his broken heart.

Time left him with nothing but a mind full of memories and a heart full of sorrow. So, eventually, he lost all hope and stopped trying. 

He was tired and broken and hurting. That’s why a life as lonely as his seemed better than the brief take on happiness he got to have from time to time on each of his previous cycles. 

Taehyung saw the world change and watched as the times passed, but at the end of it all, he was always left behind.

That’s why he chose to be alone. He thought it would hurt less like this.

But, as he found out, the pain never really went away. 

It’s only when he’s been dwelling into those same sad thoughts that he shakes his head and tries to clear his mind.

He’s looking for a distraction so he decides on walking to the art shop near his building to buy some of the paints he’s ran out of. 

Quickly changing out of his worn out pajamas, he takes his bag and walks out the door. He is surprised, however, when he finds himself faced with his next door neighbor, a very sweet boy named Jungkook, who always tried to make conversation with him. In another life, Taehyung thinks, maybe they could’ve been friends.

“Good morning, Taehyung-ssi”, he says happily, a soft grin spreading across his round face and going all the way up his big doe eyes.

“Good morning, Jungkook-ssi”, Taehyung replies, trying his best to be nice and not to let out how desperately he hopes Jungkook doesn’t try to take the conversation any further. 

It’s not that he doesn’t like the boy. It’s actually quite the opposite. He likes Jungkook too much. And he knows very well he can’t afford to like someone, not even the slightest bit. Not anymore.

But Jungkook seems determined.

“How have you been? It’s been a while since I saw you”.

“I’ve been well, thank you. Just busy”, it takes a few seconds before Taehyung realizes the awkward silence he’s led them into, so, contrary to his rational thoughts telling him to just say goodbye and leave, he continues “And you? How 's school?”

And that is enough to set an all too eager Jungkook into passionately talking about his photography major for minutes to end. Taehyung likes hearing him talk about his life. On the ever so brief meetings they get to have in the hall, Jungkook always talks about his school work and he’s always elated to do so. Taehyung is always more than happy to just stay there, nodding silently and smiling while he listens attentively to everything the younger has to say. He never shares anything about his own life, though, and Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind. 

It’s like a silent agreement of theirs and Taehyung has grown too attached to it for his own good. 

It’s in moments like these, when he feels himself enjoying way too much hearing about the life of his neighbor, that he wonders what it would be like to have a normal life and to share things about himself too.

But it's also those same moments that make him realize he is far from normal and that friendship is a luxury he definitely cannot afford to have. So he just stays there, nodding and smiling and dying a little bit more on the inside.

He feels sad he cannot reciprocate the warmth Jungkook has always shown towards him. He wishes they could be friends.

One time Jungkook accidentally called him ‘hyung’ and the look on Taehyung's face must’ve been bad enough for the poor boy to apologize and go running down the stairs, face beet red in embarrassment. 

Back then, Taehyung was certain that was the last he ever saw of Jungkook, thinking the boy would’ve been too hurt by his disapproval of an attempt at proximity to try and talk to him again.

But Jungkook never gave up.

And Taehyung is not sure how he feels about that.

When he comes back once again from drowning in his thoughts, Jungkook is already finishing his story.

“...so, yeah, it's been a little bit like hell, but i think i can push through it and finish the semester without losing my mind ”, Jungkook says, a soft laugh escaping his lips.

Taehyung can’t help but laugh with him.

It’s been a while, he thinks, since he laughed alongside somebody. Or laughed at all for that matter. 

“I’m sure you will, Jungkook-ssi”, Taehyung smiles.

“Well, we’ll see”, he shrugs “Anyways, i’m going to stop bugging you now. It was nice seeing you, Taehyung-ssi. Let me know if you ever need anything, I’m always just across the hall”. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you. See you later, then”.

Taehyung smiles a small smile and waves, not letting go unnoticed the way Jungkook’s face falls just a little bit when he doesn’t even try to pretend he’s opened up  to Jungkook the same way the younger is towards him. 

“Yeah”, he says, a wistful smile across his face. “See you later”.

Ignoring the small, annoying tug in his heart, Taehyung turns around and leaves the building, walking down the streets and taking in the relief he feels from the fresh air and direct sunlight touching his skin.

He likes this new town he’s moved into. Maritra is not as big or prestigious as some of the places he’s previously lived in, but there’s something about the idle pace surrounding the city that made him feel really comfortable. The people are also generally very nice, not that he has actually tried to engage in conversation with many of them besides his bubbly neighbor, but he was always greeted with smiles and gentle words.

It was actually more than just the people and the pace of the town, the whole place just made him feel so at ease. The mix between the older and newer buildings, the few but undeniably beautiful parks scattered across the city, the small restaurants and shops present in almost every main street, all of it. All of that made Taehyung fall in love with this town.

And that’s why he had decided that, for this cycle, this is what he would call home. It would be sad having to leave this town once he had no choice but to do so, but he liked to think he could always come back after a few other cycles had passed.

He passes slowly through the somewhat crowded streets and takes his time to take in everything around him. He looks up to the bright blue sky and relishes in the beautiful color that overtakes his vision. He feels the breeze softly touching his skin and fills his lungs with the ever present smell of fresh flowers that followed you everywhere you went. It’s then when his eyes finally catch sight of the art shop he was headed to. It’s a small shop on a busy corner, but the owner is nice and he likes the atmosphere of the place. 

Taehyung walks in and is announced by the small bell hanging above the door. Not long after that, the kind man he is already familiar with appears to greet him at the entrance. 

“Oh, hello. It’s you again. It’s been a while”, he says, patting Taehyung on the shoulder a little and offering a big, warm smile.

“Good morning, sir”, Taehyung greets him tentatively, bowing politely with his hands clutched to the strap of his bag that’s resting across his chest.

“What can I do for you today?” 

“I came to take a look at the oils”, he is trying really hard not to sound rude but he also just wants to be left alone to wander around the shop. The presence of the man in front of him is intimidating, even though he knows the man only means to be helpful.

“Ah, I see. Any specific colors you would want?”, the owner asks, already moving to the back of the shop, where Taehyung knows the paints he is looking for were displayed. 

“Just some basic, standard ones I’ve ran out of”, the other man nods, proceeding to lead Taehyung to the carefully organized shelves. “Oh, and I actually wanted to grab some blues as well”, he added. 

The owner shifts a little and goes through some paint tubes before turning to Taehyung with excitement smeared all across his slightly wrinkled face. “I have a few blues around, but i actually just received a big shipment of these new french oils that are supposed to be superb!”, he says all too excitedly, hands flying all around the place as he spoke, the big smile never leaving his face. Taehyung can’t help but smile a little too. “I already sent someone to go get them, he should be here anytime soon. Would you mind waiting a little?”

Taehyung is taken by surprise by that. He doesn’t want to stay there much longer because that means having to deal with the one-on-one small conversation he is sure the other man would try to start with him. But he also doesn’t want to go home and just sit there alone, tearing himself apart with the urge to open that damn closet again.

He ponders the options he’s faced with and decides that, if he keeps his answers short and distant, the owner is bound to, eventually, leave him alone. So he nods and presses his lips in a pursed little smile.

“O-okay”, he stutters a little, still feeling unsure and slightly nervous. “I can wait for a while”. 

“Great! It shouldn’t take too long, though. He’s been gone for a while now”

When Taehyung just nods again and turns to face the shelves, the man must take the hint he not so subtly gives him, patting him lightly on the shoulder once again and leaving to go back behind the counter.

It’s almost instinctive the sigh that leaves Taehyung’s parted lips when he’s finally left alone. He allows his shoulders to slouch a little forward and finally lets go of his bag strap. Now that he feels more comfortable, he wanders around the small shop and ends up picking up some new brushes, pencils and a couple of sketchbooks too.

He even goes to take a look at the small exhibition of a local artist that’s displayed in the accent wall of the store, taking his time to analyze every piece of her work carefully, from the use of color to the brush strokes, to the feeling he gets from each painting. 

Taehyung is completely immersed in one of the paintings when he hears the little bell on the door ring again.

Absentmindedly, he turns to look at the entrance and tries to ignore the way his heart races just a little when he sees the man walking in. 

It’s not someone he’s seen around here before, he thinks. Because he’s sure he would remember someone like him. 

The man is slightly out of breath and carries two huge boxes filled to the brim with paint tubes. Taehyung hurries to help him right when he seems to lose his balance and almost drops one of the boxes he’s holding. 

“Oh, thank you”, the stranger says gently, a wide smile spreading across his soft face. Taehyung is kind of mesmerized with the way his features change as the curve of his plump lips rise and his eyes close almost entirely.

He blushes a little, embarrassed by the way he was probably blatantly staring at this man. So he clears his throat and takes two steps back, murmuring a ‘you’re welcome’ so quietly he’s not even sure the other could hear him. 

“Could you please help me take those to the counter?”, the man asks, still half smiling and gesturing to the heavy boxes they are now both holding.

Taehyung just nods, a little sheepish smile creeping its way into his face as he follows the blond man down the store. 

“There you are”, he hears the owner say happily when he spots them, “See, I told you he would be here soon”, he looks at Taehyung who gives him a small smile and a single nod, proceeding to put the box on top of the counter as he sees the other man do the same. “Jimin, could you help him sort through this box right here?”, he taps one of them. “He’s looking for paint, some blues. I’ll go and arrange the others on the shelf”.

“Yes, sir”, Jimin - as Taehyung now knows is his name - says playfully and goes around the counter to face him. Once the older man leaves, he opens the box and silently picks a few of the tubes, placing them in front of Taehyung.

They stay in silence for a while and Taehyung finds it surprisingly comfortable, feeling himself relax a little. He’s let his guard down so much that he doesn’t even realize how his eyes start to linger for way too long in the man in front of him, almost as if trying to commit every single detail of his to mind. The soft looking mop of almost white, blond hair, tied in a small bun at the back of his head with loose messy strands framing his face. The way his lips seem stuck in a little pout as he concentrates on the task he’s performing and the way he doesn’t seem to notice it. The dark chocolate eyes that shine brightly as they are hit by a single, dim ray of sunlight coming from the windows. The small hands that almost comically struggle to get hold of the paint tubes. The way the oversized flannel shirt he’s wearing slides a little on his left shoulder.  Taehyung takes in every single thing.

He’s seen quite a few beautiful people over the many years he has lived on this planet, but he’s absolutely certain that Jimin is one of the prettiest ones he has ever come across. There’s just something about the way all those small things work together to give Jimin some kind of ethereal aura that makes him seem like he’s been sculpted to perfection. 

Taehyung has let the walls around him go down a little, so he allows himself a few more moments admiring the other, silently, until Jimin breaks the silence. “So, shades of blue, right?”. That seems to shake Taehyung out of his thoughts and he blushes a little, as if Jimin could somehow know what he was thinking about.

“Oh, y-yeah, right”, he stutters. “Blue, yes”.

“Right”, Jimin smiles at him, endeared as Taehyung nervously scratches the back of his head. “These are the ones that came today. See anything you like?”, he asks and if before Taehyung thought he was crazy for thinking Jimin could read his mind, he now panics a little when he sees the way Jimin’s eyebrows raise suggestively and his lips twist in a teasing grin. Because he is sure Jimin knows exactly what was going through his head. 

And just like that the slight blush in his cheek turns into a furious red that blooms all across his face. 

Jimin lets out a little laugh, almost like an amused little giggle he then tries to cover up with a fake cough as he clears his throat. Taehyung is so embarrassed he thinks that maybe, just a little, he kind of wants to die.

His hands are sweating a little when he goes in to reach for the selection of paint tubes laid out in front of him. He doesn’t say a thing when he’s analyzing them and tries as hard as he can to avoid looking at Jimin.

He ends up choosing seven out of the eleven different shades he was presented with and when he’s done, he finally looks up to a Jimin that’s already looking back at him, a small, lazy smile on his lips and his chin resting comfortably in his hand.

“I’ll take those. Please”, he adds, just to make sure he’s not coming across as rude as he sounded in his head. 

“You chose the prettiest ones”, Jimin smiles, taking the tubes out of Taehyung's hands. “Do you have a specific project in mind for them? It’s kind of an extensive variation of blues”.

Taehyung feels his breath get stuck in his throat and swallows hard before looking down to his hands. He does have a project in mind but it is not in any way something he would like to discuss with someone. Especially not with someone  he literally just met. So, despite small talk being something he’s terribly afraid of, he turns to it as a way to evade the question. 

“Have you always worked here?”, he asks as if Jimin hasn’t asked him something first. “I don’t think I’ve seen you around”.

For the briefest of seconds, Jimin just looks him intensively in the eyes. Taehyung shivers. Again he feels like Jimin can see right through him. He knows Jimin notices how he blatantly avoids the question, but something about the look on Jimin’s face makes him believe he is not really mad about it. It’s like he somehow gets it. 

Jimin’s serious, almost contemplative expression is quickly gone, though, making way for the soft smile to come back again. “I haven’t, actually. I just moved back in town.”, he said, checking out the products Taehyung hands him.

“Oh, right”, Taehyung replies, not really knowing what to say next. 

“I went abroad for college, my family thought it was best for me to do so”, he shrugs, still talking about himself even if Taehyung didn’t really encourage him to. Taehyung is glad he does, though. Just like with Jungkook, he is happy to listen. “But this town is my home, I couldn't stay away, you know?”

“Yeah, I do”, Taehyung replies, even if the question Jimin asked was nothing but a pure rhetorical one. Jimin looks at him and smiles.

“So that’s it, I’m back, I needed a job and my dad owns the place so I figured, why not?”, he shrugged again. “I actually love this shop. Always have since I was a kid”.

Wow, Taehyung thinks, this guy talks easily. 

He finds it curious how Jimin just told him about his life as if they hadn’t just met. Maybe he was one of those people who over talked to fill in the - now - awkward silence. 

“It’s a great shop”, he simply adds.

“You come here often?”, Jimin half states half asks. Again, as if he already knew.

“Kinda, yeah. It’s the only place i shop for my art supplies ever since I’ve moved here”

“Oh, so you’ve moved recently?”

Taehyung starts to feel uneasy with how the conversation is going. He’s more than glad to listen, but when he is the one who has to talk it makes him nervous. It is always dangerous territory when he starts to talk too much about himself. People tend to see that as a permission to get closer and that scares him. He can’t let himself grow closer to anyone. Still, he answers Jimin’s question. “Just a couple of years ago”.

Just then Jimin finishes packing the things he bought. Taehyung proceeds to pay as quickly as he can, looking forward to leaving the store and his sort of overwhelming presence. 

“Thank you”, he says, hurrying to put his wallet back in his bag along with the paper package with this stuff. 

“Thank you , for your purchase”, Jimin smiles, and Taehyung can feel the way Jimin’s eyes watch his every move. “It was very nice to meet you”, he continues as Taehyung still doesn’t look at him. “What is your… name?”, he tries to ask, but before he even gets to finish, Taehyung is already out the door.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

Taehyung leans back against the hard surface of his door, relishing in how relieved he feels just by being back in the safety of his home. The emerald green painted wood keeps him steady in his feet up until he lets out a heavy sight and slides down, sitting on the floor. 

He took the longest route back to his building, trying to ease the unsteadiness he felt bubbling inside him. Looking back at his days in this city, he now realizes today was the most he talked to a single person so far. Well, besides Jungkook. But Taehyung doesn’t dwell on this thought, trying to avoid panicking even more than he already is.

It's been such a long time since he closed himself off to others that it felt weird to talk that much to someone. Weird and dangerous. 

In the three hundred years Taehyung has lived, he’s learned how to deal with his obstacles pretty well by now. That didn’t come, however, without many, many mistakes.

A few words exchanged at the counter of an art shop (or at the hall outside his apartment, for that matter) might seem harmless but, as he had learned, that was only what it took for the feeling of belonging to surface within him. 

Tahyung loved this city and he liked the nice people, but he would never - could never - dare to feel like he belonged there. He couldn’t, because he didn’t. 

He didn’t belong anywhere anymore. 

The sort of familiarity and attachment that came with being part of something greater was one he could no longer let himself cultivate in his heart. 

It's better this way. It's for the better , he kept repeating the words to himself in hopes that, someday, his heart would believe him.

Sighing once more, he runs his hands through his hair, making the already messy long locks become even messier. He gets up from where he’d been curled up, lost in his thoughts, and places his bag on the kitchen table. He then takes the brown bag with the things he bought and walks back into his studio.

Taehyung doesn’t even bother to change, thinking the risk of ruining his cream tailored pants is worth taking right now. His mind is all over the place and he fidgets as he walks around the room, pacing back and forth looking for something to do so he can get his head out of a certain someone full of soft smiles and messy blonde hair. 

He looks around for a few minutes before he decides to clean up the room again, properly this time. 

A few hours go by as he cleans, sorts through and organizes every last corner of the cluttered room. He waters his plants and organizes his paint station, placing the new ones amongst the others. When he’s done, he takes a seat in front of the blank canvas he’d laid on the easel and starts working on the new project he’s been delaying for a while now. Surprisingly enough, his thoughts not even once revert back to the events of earlier in the day and he genuinely doesn’t think about Jimin again.

And it stays like that for a couple of weeks, until he’s out grocery shopping and is startled by a soft voice sounding from behind his back.

“Well, if it isn’t the blue guy”, he says. 

Taehyung jumps, almost dropping the bottle of wine he’s holding. When he recognizes the voice in the slightest, he allows himself to relax and takes in the words he heard. ‘If only he knew how true his words are’ , he thinks, scoffing with mirth thinking about the irony of being called that when he, indeed, felt so blue all the time.

But then the brief amusement wears off and he turns around, eyes wide and throat slowly drying as he glances at the man in front of him.

“H-hello”, he stutters, suddenly feeling too overwhelmed under the bright lights and Jimin’s bright presence. 

“You okay? You practically ran away that day at the shop, I was afraid I said something that bothered you”, Jimin says, the smile on his face faltering the slightest bit and his eyes seeming kind of worried, despite him trying to sound aloof.

“Oh, no, no!”, Taehyung is quick to dismiss his worry, hands waving almost frantically in front of his face. “You didn’t do anything, it was me. I just… I was… you know”, he tried to say something, anything , but he couldn’t think of any excuses and the truth, obviously, was way out of question. 

“I don’t, actually”, Jimin chuckled. “But since you’re saying I didn’t actually unintentionally offend you or something, it's none of my business then”.

Jimin shrugs and Taehyung winces, thinking of how weird and rude he may come off for Jimin to think something like that.

“I-I wasn’t feeling well that day. You didn’t do anything, I was just not doing, um, well”, Taehyung tries to explain to the best of his abilities, through stuttered words, a shaky voice and eyes that never rise to meet the other’s. 

“Relax. It’s okay, really. You don’t have to explain yourself to me”, Jimin said with another one of his smiles to soften his words. “I just felt kinda bad because you said you only bought your supplies at our shop and you ran away like that and then didn’t come back for weeks. I feared I’d made you uncomfortable to the point you didn’t want to come to the shop anymore”.

Taehyung blushes. He feels like he’s been caught. He was, in fact, avoiding the shop like it was on fire and he didn’t wanna get burnt. But he thought he was being sleek about it. He should’ve known the owner would notice one of his regulars not coming for weeks in a row when he used to be there sometimes within the span of a few days. After all the shop was the only place Taehyung really went for pleasure and not just to run his errands. 

He stays silent for longer than it feels okay before it gets awkward. He doesn’t really know what to say and he is trying with all his might to bury deep within his chest the faintest feeling of joy he felt from seeing Jimin again. 

Something about this guy is just different. And Taehyung can’t quite pinpoint what it is. He just knows Jimin’s presence makes him feel at ease at the same time it makes everything inside him unsettle. It’s almost too comfortable, too easy. And that scares him. 

He’s felt like this before. He felt what it was like to open up to someone and let himself be surrounded by their ease. But never this quick, and never this effortless. 

We literally just met , he thinks. It’s not supposed to go like this and it doesn’t make sense. But then again, what else in Taehyung’s life does?

The way his entire existence was shaped made him go to unspeakable lengths to try and avoid forming connections with any and every living being around him. So why does he feel like, somehow, his path was meant to be connected with Jimin’s?

This is insane. I’m going insane , he tells himself. 

Taehyung lists every single reason he has as to why this is not right. As to why he feels like this, despite being something he’s been through before, this time - this boy - seems oh so completely different. 

He tries everything to keep his mind from wandering to that tiny little dark spot at the bottom of his infinite, restless thoughts where, now, shines the smallest glimmer of something he has been fighting for years to get rid off. Something he doesn’t want to let himself feel again despite desperately needing to: hope.

As this entire swirl of thoughts crosses Taehyung’s mind in the spare of a too silent, too strained minute, Jimin just stands there, once again watching him, the fond, soft smile never leaving his pretty pink lips. 

Taehyung snaps out of his trance and looks at Jimin as if he’s seeing him for the first time. 

For the first time since they met, Taehyung feels brave enough to look deep inside the other’s eyes. The intensity in which they hold each other’s gaze is almost overwhelming, unbearable. But it also feels like, after a long time submerged in turbid water, he has resurfaced to shore and can finally, finally breath. 

Jimin’s gentle smile is long gone and in its place is an astounded look that takes over his whole face. His eyes glint with something Taehyung can’t quite figure out, but it makes something inside him shift. 

He now knows why he avoided Jimin’s eyes so much. It’s like he knew that looking into them would break something within him. 

Jimin’s face lights up with the faintest shade of pink that tints his round cheeks and Taehyung can’t restrain the small, subtle tug on the corner of his lips. 

He feels his hands tremble and his heart beat like he just ran a thousand miles, but the butterflies he feels at the pit of his stomach make him feel more alive then he’s felt in years . So he allows himself to bask in that feeling. At least for that little while.

Time is nothing but a flickering flame as they stand in the middle of the drinks aisle, deeply enthralled, looking at each other like they’re able to peek inside the deepest parts of their souls. The whole world seems to stop just so they can have this moment, and it all feels just so right. 

It’s the sudden ringing of Jimin’s phone that pulls them back to reality. Taehyung immediately pries his gaze on the floor, feeling his face heat up and his heart race even more. When Jimin picks up the call, his voice is hoarse and he sounds as if he had just woken up. He talks with a hurried undertone hidden in his words, seeming almost annoyed to have been interrupted. He is, however, blissfully oblivious to the absolute chaos installed in Taehyung’s mind right now.

“Sorry about that”, he says when he hangs up, much more softly and quietly now, almost like he’s trying to bring them back to the kind of alternate reality they were in before. But the moment is already gone, and Jimin - albeit resentfully - knows that. Taehyung is once again avoiding his stare, looking at his hands like his life depends on it. Like ke could literally combust if he ever dared to look Jimin in the eyes again. Because he feels like he would. 

“It’s fine”, Taehyung manages to say. He turns back to the shelves, over analyzing something in the labels of the bottles of wine in front of him. Jimin gets the message. 

Taehyung feels relieved when he feels Jimin shift beside him as he turns to grab his own bottle and place it in the shopping cart. But he also feels a persistently annoying tug in his heart when he spots the wistful smile on Jimin’s lips. 

He hates that he does that to people. 

Right now, however, all he wants is to be left alone to deal with the overbearing mess that his thoughts and feelings have become. So he pretends he doesn’t notice how Jimin lingers there just a little bit longer, hopeful. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to your wine then”, Jimin finally says, darting eyes briefly scanning Taehyung’s face. 

Taehyung does nothing but nod, internally cringing at his lack of social skills. 

“But before I go…” Jimin steps forward, standing directly behind Taehyung and reaching over his shoulder to grab a bottle of wine in a way that is too suggestive not to be intentional. “Have you tried this one?”, he asks, holding up the dark bottle. Taehyung shakes his head. “Oh, you should then. It’s one of my favorites”.

Jimin then leans back from where his chest almost touched Taehyung’s back. But before he walks away, he turns around and with an almost too bright, too wide smile he says; “You might find trying something new to be like a welcome breath of fresh air. It was nice meeting you again, hope to see you back at the shop”, he winks and as he has his back turned to Taehyung, he walks out of his sight. 

Once again Taehyung is left speechless at how aware Jimin seems to be of what goes on inside his head. The thought sends shivers down his spine.

Taehyung looks at the bottle Jimin placed in his sweaty hands and thinks ‘oh well’, he might as well buy it too. Because, with his head all troubled like this, he feels like he’s gonna need all the help he can get. 

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

When Taehyung opens his eyes, the first thing he feels is a sharp pain shooting across his head. He tries to keep his eyelids open but they seem to be too heavy for him to do so. 

So he waits. He lies there, awake, trying to get his pain under control and trying to make the whole world stop feeling like it’s spinning too fast. 

After some steadier breaths, he manages to sit up and finally opens his eyes again. The pain is still there but what almost knocks himself out again is the realization that wherever the hell he is, it’s not his home. 

Taehyung looks around frantically, trying to make up the space he is in. He rests on a soft worn out couch, cushions a deep shade of navy blue and made of soft velvet. He sees a small TV, a record player and multiple records neatly organized on a wooden shelf. There are a few plants here and there and, on a corner of the room, a keyboard and a guitar rest beautifully under the dim sunlight. 

He then spots some food packages and empty bottles of cheap wine he instantly recognizes. At the thought of something remotely alcoholic, Taehyung almost hurls right in the middle of that living room.

He tries to remember how in the hell he ended up there, looking everywhere to find any trace of someone else. Just when he feels like giving up and is collecting his strength to stand up and look around, he notices the little white tail wagging, sticking up from under the couch. When he leans down to look closer, he is met with a tiny head popping out of there as well. 

“Gureum?”, Taehyung asks, puzzled as he sees the small dog wiggle his way out of the tight space he is at, his tongue hanging out of his closed mouth. Before he knows, Gureum jumps up the couch and into his lap, making himself comfortable. Still very confused, Taehyung pets his little head, threading his fingers through the soft white fur. It’s only then that he looks around one more time and now recognizes the familiar structure of the room he’s in. That can only mean…

“Oh, hyung, you’re up”, he hears a tentative, grudging voice coming from behind him, but as he turns he sees Jungkook suddenly stop on his tracks, almost as if he stepped on something and broke it.

Hyung?

Jungkook looks at him, uncertain and hesitant. Almost as if he’s afraid of something. Taehyung still doesn’t say anything, his pounding head still too slow and too blank to even let him understand what’s going on.

“Y-you said I could call you that. You know? ‘Hyung’, I mean. You said I could. Yesterday”. The big doe eyes Taehyung have always found dangerously endearing are now wide and startled, darting in every direction of the room.

So that’s it. Jungkook is afraid Taehyung would be mad if he called him ‘hyung’. He must think that’s why Taehyung left without saying a word when he first tried using the simple, common honorific. If only he knew the truth. 

Taehyung starts to panic a little. He is in Jungkook's house, laying on Jungkook’s couch with Jungkook’s dog on his lap, his hair all ruffled up and face all swollen from sleep. Although he thinks it's safe to say just the use of the honorific won't make anything worse than it already is, things would definitely change and Taehyung is terrified of that.

“I-I…. Jungkook, I…”, he tries to speak, not really sure of what he actually wants to say but trying his hardest to find the right words.

“It’s okay, Taehyung-ssi”, Jungkook says, another one of his sad smiles creeping in on his lips. The way the younger calls him making his heart ache.

Taehyung hates himself. He really does. 

He hates that he can see Jungkook’s eyes all glossy and red from the unshed tears. He hates how Jungkook’s voice wavers and how the younger sounds so sad. He hates how it’s all his fault.

But Taehyung’s scared. He’s so scared.

It’s like the thick tall walls he’s built around him for decades are now slowly being taken down. 

He wishes more than anything he could just tear those damned walls down. He wishes he could just give Jungkook a reassuring smile and say ‘Yeah, Jungkook, of course you can call me hyung’. Because that’s everything he wants, because being alone for all those years made Taehyung forget what it was to have someone be there for you. What it was like to have anyone by his side. And he misses it. He misses not being alone.

“I figured you would come back to your senses when you woke up”, Jungkook said, a dry, humorless laugh escaping his lips, hands all fidgety pulling on the hem of his sleeves.

Taehyung wants to cry.

“No, Jungkook, it’s not like that. I-”, he tried again to explain, but how could he? He knew he was being an asshole. 

“It really is fine”, he said, no wistful smiles this time, just a long soft sigh. “Stay for breakfast at least? The coffee will help with the hangover and stuff”.

Taehyung nodded, eyes glued to his hands in embarrassment.

When Jungkook walks to the kitchen and Taehyung is left alone, he tries to remember how the hell he ended up in this situation.

Slowly, flashes of the previous night start to come back to him, as Jungkook quietly paces around the kitchen, silence filling the small apartment.

Taehyung remembers coming home yesterday to his empty apartment and not being able to get Jimin out of his mind. 

Then there was wine. Lots of it. 

And then he remembers he felt like going for a walk, even if it was freezing cold. He wanted to get out of his house. 

He remembers coming back home. He remembers stumbled steps, he remembers struggling up the stairs and remembers how his stupid key wouldn’t go in the stupid lock. 

Taehyung remembers sitting outside his own apartment, helpless and so very drunk. He remembers hearing the distant thud of heavy steps ascending the staircase and then getting closer and closer to him. 

Then there were hands on his shoulders. ‘Taehyung-ssi, are you okay? Where’s your key?’. After that it was all a blur. Next thing he knew he was sitting on the floor of Jungkook’s living room, legs crossed and another glass of wine on his hand. They talked for hours as if they had always been the closest of friends. They drank together and Taehyung’s almost sure at some point he even let Jungkook hug him. ‘You are so cool, Taehyung-ssi. Can we be friends?”, Jungkook had said and he was… crying?

‘You are cool too, Jungkook-ssi, let's be friends. You can call me hyung’, he said, patting Jungkook’s head and… was Taehyung also crying? 

He was. And then they cried together some more until it all went dark in Taehyung’s mind.

Holy shit. 

Taehyung felt about a thousand times worse now.

It would be so easy. 

It would be so easy to just give in. To just be friends with his easy going neighbor. God knows he wanted to. So so badly. 

Being vulnerable with someone. Being close to someone. 

Familiarity.

Belonging.

Feelings Taehyung has been trying to avoid for so long he no longer remembers how it was to feel them. And he wished for them with all his heart. 

But he knew he couldn’t.

It’s for the better, Taehyung. You know it is. He repeats over and over in his head as the whole situation settles in and it starts to make him a little out of breath.

He hears Jungkook still moving in the kitchen and he feels small. Growing waves of panic go through him. He is shivering and he can tell it won’t be long until he starts to cry. 

It’s hell. Living like this is like he’s stuck in the worst kind of nightmare.

Thinking he’d have to endure this forever made him desperate. It’s not like he didn’t already know, but sometimes his reality felt too much to bear. Taehyung looks around frantically, trying to stay calm. And then he lets out the first sob. 

He covers his mouth with his hand and gets up from the couch, feeling the urge to leave, to be alone again.

‘Alone’ hurts. But ‘alone’ is also safe.

He is almost halfway through the door when Jungkook comes back into the living room, a steaming coffee mug in one hand and a plate full of pancakes in the other.

Taehyung feels embarrassed. He also feels so, so guilty. 

“You’re leaving?”, Jungkook asks, voice broken as Taehyung had never heard it.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook. I’m s-so sorry”, Taehyung is full on crying now, strangled sobs escaping his throat as he feels everything go dark the deeper he gets into his head. “I’m sorry”, he says one last time and then he turns around, grabs his things on the counter and goes back to his own apartment, leaving an astonished Jungkook behind. 

As his door closes behind him, he doesn’t feel the slightest bit of the usual relief he gets from coming home. He feels heavy. His heart aches and it feels like his whole existence is too much to handle right now. 

He just wishes he could disappear.

He wishes he could just cease to exist. 

His face is wet with tears and his entire body hurts. His hands are trembling when he touches his chest, clenching at his shirt as if he could get a hold of his heart, as if he could, somehow, make it stop hurting. 

But he can't. And it doesn’t. It never does.

So Taehyung just lies there, sitting on the cold floor once again. 

Alone, Taehyung just cries and cries.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

That night, Taehyung lies awake in his bed, tossing and turning as he waits for sleep to come in, but it never does. His head is spinning with so many thoughts he has trouble doing anything else besides thinking. 

He stares at the moonlit ceiling and lets his mind wander back to Jimin. To his ever present soft smile, his crescent moon eyes and his sweet voice. He knows he’s dwelling too much on the blonde boy, thinking too much about him and taking too much time mapping out every detail of his face. He knows what he’s in for and he knows it will end in pain, but he no longer finds the strength to fight it.

So he just thinks about him.

The hours go by and Taehyung still can’t fall asleep, so he figures he might as well get up and make himself a cup of tea. He takes his mug and a blanket to the small balcony in the corner of his living room and sits there. The night is almost over and he can see the slight shift in the color of the sky. There’s a cold wind blowing gently through his hair and he basks in the feeling of the breeze cooling down his agitated mind. 

He glances to the side and his eyes catch a small ball of fluff on the balcony next to his. Gureum is looking right at him, the tip of his tongue, as always, hanging out of his mouth and his head slightly tilted to the side as he eagerly wags his little tail.

“Morning, Gureum”, Taehyung says softly, a fond smile growing on his lips without him even noticing. 

Through the dim light of the early morning, Taehyung sees the dog move back and forth, the wag on his tail intensified. 

Taehyung lets out a small laugh that slowly dies as he lets the image of Gureum guide his thoughts to his owner. He still feels like shit every time he recalls his last encounter with Jungkook. 

He sighs and averts his gaze to the horizon, taking in the sight of the mountains that surround the small town. The sun is yet to rise but the sky is already in the full bloom of color. Taehyung just stares at the world in front of him and, for the thousandth time, wishes his world could be different from what it is. 

But he knows it will never be.

Resentfully, he gets up and goes back inside. 

When he’s coming back to his room, he looks into his studio through the crack on the door and gets an idea. 

It’s been a while since he went to his favorite spot in town, so he takes his sketchbook, a few pencils and stuff them in his bag. 

A few minutes later he is already quietly pacing through the empty streets. Everything is still a bit dark and cold, but Taehyung has grown accustomed to that. 

When he finally spots the bridge up ahead, the sun is already peaking through the mountains. He walks to his usual spot, sits on the rail, pulls in his coat tighter around himself and starts drawing. 

Taehyung lets his mind run free and he sketches the most random things on the yellowish pages. The golden gleam of the first rays of sunlight hits the scenery and he looks at the river in front of him. The water glittering as the wind creates the slightest movement on the surface, the soft waves catching a little bit of the light. It’s so beautiful. He wants to draw it. And so he does.

He’s busy focusing on detailing the large trees on the riverside when he is startled by someone’s voice in front of him. 

“Good morning”, he says.

“Jimin”, Taehyung whispers, eyes wide and heartbeat erratic inside his chest as he turns around. To say he is surprised to see the other there at this hour is an understatement.

“So you’re an early riser, huh?”, Jimin says, playfully, his chin tucked into his scarf and the tip of his nose a lovely shade of pink. His hair is a little muffled and his voice a little hoarse. 

“Um, not really. Just couldn’t sleep”

“Me neither”, he says simply, turning to gaze at the glowing river. He looks almost mesmerized by it. “It’s so beautiful”

“Yeah, it is”, Taehyung says, not taking his eyes off of Jimin’s face, and he is a little mesmerized too. 

He knows he’s blatantly staring at Jimin, taking in his side profile in all its glory, etching into his memory the way the sun kisses Jimin’s delicate features but, again, he cannot find the strength to look away. 

He feels his entire body itch with the need to draw him. A deep urge he has no idea where it comes from and that, as much as he tries, can’t seem to be suppressed. But he manages to ignore it for now, burying it deep inside his mind along with a million other forbidden thoughts.

Jimin then turns to him, an amused grin on his lips and his eyes oozing a fondness Taehyung is not sure he deserves.

They just stare at each other again, the silent city and the calmness of the early hours of the day enveloping them in an all too intimate atmosphere. 

“You know what’s funny?”, Jimin is the first to break the silence, his eyes, however, never leave Taehyung’s. “We keep running into each other and yet you never told me your name”. 

His voice is so soft and he looks so small, all tucked into his big clothes. Taehyung has to fight the urge to coo at him. Jimin looks hesitant and his eyes look almost pliant. Taehyung doesn’t think there’s anything he would be able to deny Jimin right now, when they’re alone at his favorite place in the city surrounded by the ethereal sight of the glowing river and Jimin is looking all kinds of lovely. 

So he doesn’t even think twice when he answers him, too lost in his daze.

“Taehyung”, he says softly, quietly, as if he’s telling a secret.

“Taehyung…”, Jimin repeats, savoring the way the name rolls out his tongue. Taehyung is enthralled. “It really suits you”.

With nothing but a small smile, he stays silent, still looking deep into Jimin’s eyes. He would be worried about the fact he’s completely gone for the man in front of him, but right now he can’t really think straight. 

At the lack of a verbal response, Jimin carries on with the conversation. 

“Why did you come here?”, he asks, laughing a little at the confused expression Taehyung gives him. “I mean, why here of all places?”

It’s small talk, Taehyung knows it and he knows he hates it, sucks at it. But then again, he is not really thinking through his actions right now, so he is more than happy to comply.

“It’s my favorite spot in town. I come here when I need a break”. 

“A break?”

“Yeah. Sometimes I think too much. It’s nice to just sit here and watch the river. I don’t know, it’s kinda soothing”, he shrugs.

Jimin smiles at him and steps a little closer. Taehyung is a little startled but not enough to move away.

“You’re quite poetic, Taehyung. I like it”.

Taehyung chuckles, a little sheepish as he feels his cheeks heat up. Again, he doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet. 

The mood shifts a little. Despite the cold wind, Taehyung feels warm all over.

“I like this place too”, Jimin says when he senses Taehyung won't be saying anything anymore, sighing as he averts his gaze from Taehyung to the river once again. “I’ve always liked to come here when I wanted to be alone. I’m glad you’re here now, though”, he winks, letting his eyes disappear into thin crescent lines as he smiles big and bright.

Taehyung lets his mind dart to the thought of how funny it is that he felt so drawn to the same place Jimin liked so much. It’s a small coincidence that makes his heart flutter a little. 

“Not much of a talker, are you?”, Jimin giggles and Taehyung realizes he’s been silent once again.

Taehyung shakes his head timidly, suddenly feeling shy.

“I figured”, the blond boy shrugs. “But you don’t need your words too much. You have quite expressive eyes”.

“I do?”, he asks, taken aback by surprise.

“Yeah you do. They’re pretty”

Taehyung now feels not only his face but his whole body turn bright red. He knows he must look all kinds of shocked right now, eyes all wide and mouth gaping open as he searches for words - any words - inside his abashed mind to answer. It baffles him how flustered he can get around Jimin when he’s not usually like this. 

Jimin lets out a full laugh at the sight of the boy in front of him all disoriented and shy. 

“You’re cute, Taehyung”, he says.

“’m not”, Taehyung shakes his head and shrinks into his shoulders, murmuring so quietly he’s sure Jimin doesn’t even listen to him. But he does.

Jimin’s smile fades and he’s dead serious when he looks at a bashful Taehyung.

“Yeah, you are”.

His voice is strong, almost a little harsh as he stares intently at Taehyung, almost as if he’s daring Taehyung to disagree with him once again.

Taehyung feels his breath hitch at the intensity of Jimin’s eyes on him. 

“T-thank you?”, he stutters, the words coming off almost like a question and Jimin smiles again.

They stay in an almost comfortable silence for a bit and Taehyung turns back to his forgotten sketch. Jimin’s attention is also drawn to it as he hears the soft brush of the pencil on the paper and he walks to Tehyung’s side, leaning in to take a peek.

Taehyung freezes. From this close he can feel the heat of the smaller body reaching his own. Jimin, he learns, smells of lavender and fresh laundry. He smells almost as soft as he looks and Taehyung is endeared. 

He looks down from where he’s sitting on the rail and now he can see every little detail on Jimin’s face. The way his lashes brush lightly at his cheeks, how soft his pillowy plump lips look and all the small freckles scattered beautifully across his face.

His heart thumps inside his chest and he feels petrified, afraid the smallest of movements will break this fragile moment and draw them apart.

“Wow, you’re really good. This looks so beautiful”, Jimin says softly, stunned by the work of art laid in front of him.

Taehyung forgets his words, all he can do is stare at Jimin, completely mesmerized. 

Jimin waits for a response that never comes, so he turns his head to look up at Taehyung, jolting a little when he catches the other already staring at him. He feels a little out of breath, his eyes locked with Taehyung’s and his lips parting a little, as he lets out a small gasp. 

It would be so easy, Taehyung thinks, to just lean in a little and touch Jimin’s lips with his. To feel their softness with his own. He has to fight with every fiber of his being not to do so. But it’s so, so tempting. 

Jimin sticks out his tongue, briefly wetting his lips and Taehyung whimpers a little, the glossy plump mouth calling out for his. 

It takes a lot of determination, but he leans back a little and shakes his head. Jimin blinks a few times, seeming a little lost himself, as Taehyung ducks his head, embarrassed. 

“I, um, I-I’m…”, Taehyung trails off, not sure of what he wants to say.

Jimin clears his throat and chuckles a little. 

“I have to go now. The shop will open soon and… yeah”.

“Yeah…”

“So…”, Jimin says, hugging himself tightly, a sheepish smile on his lips. “It was great seeing you again, Taehyung”.

Taehyung mirrors the smile on Jimin’s face and fidgets with the edge of his sketchbook, avoiding eye contact.

“You too”, he says and really means it, not really panicking anymore at the prospect of spending some time with Jimin. “Nice to share this place with someone. Glad it was you”, Taehyung feels brave enough to look at the other as he says it, being rewarded by the way Jimin’s eyes glimmer as he does so. 

“I’m glad it’s you too”, Jimin says and the look on face as he says that is so meaningful, Tahyung wonders if he’s really only talking about the spot on the bridge. “Well, I’ve really got to go now. See you soon?”, he asks, hope smeared all over his soft voice.

“Yeah, see you soon”, Taehyung gives him a lazy grin and Jimin blushes, smiling as he looks down. 

With a little wave, Jimin starts walking away, still facing Taehyung as he puts his hands in his pockets. He’s smirking the whole time he walks backwards and only turns around when the sidewalk gives way to the street.

Taehyung watches until Jimin disappears around a corner and sighs. His chest flutters and he’s still smiling when he closes his sketchbook, looking away into the distance, still catching the way the water dances beneath him.

He should be panicking. He should be desperately afraid of the warmth he feels in his heart right now. He knows that’s the reasonable reaction he should have to the way Jimin is crawling his way into his thoughts. 

But he only feels at ease. 

Later , he thinks. I can worry about it later .

For now he relishes in the feelings he's forgotten long ago.

He fills his mind with soft lips, glimmering eyes and light freckles. He just smears Jimin all over. And he rejoices in that.

Later , he thinks. Later I can come back to my senses.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

Taehyung comes back to his place to see Jungkook pacing awkwardly in front of his door.

“Jungkook?”, he asks, confusion stamped on his face.

“Oh. You weren’t home”, the younger says, puppy dog eyes staring at him and Taehyung realizes he’s holding a small plate in his hands. 

Jungkook seems nervous and Taehyng shifts on his feet, still a bit uncomfortable in his presence. 

“Everything okay?”, Taehyung asks, more to fill in the silence than anything.

“Yeah, I…”, and then it’s Jungkook who shifts. “I made cake”, he says, smiling weakly and stretching his arms all the way out, showing Taehyung the piece of strawberry cake he’s holding.

They just stare at each other in an uncomfortable silence and Jungkook breaks into a humorless little laugh. 

“Look, I-I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You kinda stormed off yesterday and I got worried”, he shrugs.

Taehyung feels the sharp tang on his heart as guilt builds up in his chest once again. The look on Jungkook's face is of genuine concern and it hurts him to see how distressed the other is. 

All kinds of negative emotions bubble on Taehyung’s chest and he resorts to venting on the first one he picks apart: anger . He’s angry at himself and at the way he has to live his life in order to keep it from hurting him. But right then, he lashes out this ugly feeling at the last person who deserves it.

“Why?”, he asks hastily. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Jungkook?”

“What?”, Jungkook says, surprised, his voice small and a little broken. He just stands there, the small plate still oh his hands, his arms slowly dropping back, unsure.

“You’re always trying to get close and I always shut you off. How can you not get the message? Why don’t you just leave me alone? Why would you put yourself through that?”

His voice is loud and he clenches his fists, feeling the way his nails dig on his palms to the point of leaving crescent shaped red marks on his skin. He wants it to hurt because maybe the physical pain can make up for the pain he feels rooting inside his heart. He doesn’t dare to look directly at Jungkook, afraid he will crumble if he does so. Everything about the way he’s acting screams coward, and the shame he feels only builds up to the anger. 

When he does glance at the other’s face, he expects to be met with disappointment and teary pained eyes, but all he sees is an expression as stern as his own. Jungkook’s mad.

“Well, because I fucking care, Taehyung”, he half shouts and that shuts Taehyung right up. He’s never heard Jungkook being anything sort of gentle and nice, so hearing the younger sound something akin to angry startles him. “I don’t even know why, but I do”.

Taehyung feels his eyes water a little at the way Jungkook’s tone is almost soft as he finishes the last sentence. 

Jungkook sighs and steps a little closer, his eyes now back to their usual fondness. 

“It’s just that… you always seem so sad and ever since you moved here I noticed you’re always alone”, he says, averting his gaze from Taehyung. “I guess I just wanted to help you  because… I can kinda relate”.

He sniffles a little and that makes Taehyung cave.

“H-how come?”

“I don’t think you ever noticed, Taehyung, but I’m always alone too”, he says simply, looking down as he shrugs.

“I-I… you…”, Taehyung tries to say something, he really does, but he can’t manage to get his mind past the all consuming guilt he feels as he realizes Jungkook is right. Taehyung only now notices he never really saw Jungkook with anyone besides his dog and maybe one or two friends every once in a while. And they’ve been living across the hall from each other for almost three years now.

He was so busy trying to shield himself from everything and everyone, so focused on his own pain, he failed to perceive the heart next to him that hurt just as much. 

Taehyung winces, his insides crumbling with shame and sadness as he thinks how he’s failed to take Jungkook’s attempts to approach him as what they really were: an almost desperate desire for company.

Jungkook is lonely too, he sees that now.

Almost as much as him. And it pains him even more to realize how many times he mistreated the boy who just wanted a friend. 

Taehyung sighs, trying his hardest to keep from crying but feeling how his tears threaten to fall regardless of his efforts.

“I’m sorry”, he says simply. “I’m so, so sorry, Jungkook. I’ve never noticed”

“It’s okay. I know you’re hurting too, Taehyung-ssi. I just wish you would let me help  you. We can help each other”, he smiles fondly.

As Jungkook’s soft voice mutters the words Taehyung didn't even know he so desperately needed to hear, he can’t restrain himself from crying anymore. He lets out a small, choked sob and hides his face behind his hands.

“I’ll help you”, Taehyung says. His defenses are all down now, so he acts on impulse, not dwelling on the thought of how he would come to regret this later. “I’ll help you. A-and I’ll let you help me”, he nods, as if to reinforce his words, as if he wants to convince himself.

Jungkook beams, smiling brightly through his own tear glazed eyes.

“Would you… would you like to come in?”, Taehyung asks, voice small and hesitant as he points awkwardly to his door. He’s not even sure why he does that, he just feels like he should, like he needs it. It’s been a while since he felt like this, felt like he was being taken care of. And that just starts to break his walls down a little. Although he’s not sure they weren’t a little cracked to begin with. 

The shock on Jungkook’s puffy red face is enough to make Taehyung chuckle a little. 

They go inside and, at first, it’s a little awkward, but once they make a little small talk, they set up a nice pace in between them.

It doesn’t take long for Taehyung to feel a connection with the younger boy. And oh, how scary that is. It’s scary but it’s also warm and easing and comforting and he thinks, maybe, just maybe, it will be worth it, despite the pain in the end.

It will all be worth it if he gets to have a friend like Jungkook.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

“Oh, I had a little downfall with my parents a few years ago. You’d think this kind of thing wouldn’t happen in this day and age but the whole ‘liking boys’ thing didn’t really sit right with them”, he shrugs as if it's nothing but there’s pain in every single one of his words and all over his round eyes. “Once I came out to them they just… changed. Eventually I moved out and they didn’t even try to pretend they cared to stay in touch. So yeah, family is not something I can really count on”. 

“I’m so sorry, Jungkook”, he says, hands itching to go touch Jungkook’s shoulder, to comfort him. He immediately regrets asking about his family.

They slowly went down a sinuous path, talking about things deeper than they intended to let out. And Taehyung shared some stories about his own upbringing too, telling Jungkook about his parents, his siblings and the happy childhood he had. Of course not talking about how long ago all of that happened. And of course not being able to avoid the ever present familiar pain to paint his chest as he reminisced on the people he once loved. 

He felt so free talking about all that, about his family, that he thought maybe Jungkook would like to talk about his too. That’s why he asked. But it didn’t cross his mind that maybe Jungkook was alone for a reason. Maybe his family was not as nice and loving as Taehyung’s. 

And now he feels bad for putting Jungkook through the pain of telling him that they actually weren’t.

Jungkook is still looking down and he lets out the saddest little laugh that ends up turning into a choked sob. When Taehyung looks at him, there are streaks of heavy tears already going down his cheeks. 

Taehyung’s heart aches, sympathy making him feel for the boy.

After a while, Jungkook calms down a little, his overflowing tears turning into nothing but soft sniffles and a red nose.

Then he talks a little more about his family, eyes gleaming as he tells Taehyung about his brother he so greatly misses. He talks about how lost he felt when he first moved out. He tells Taehyung about his friends, a small group that was the closest thing he had to a family now, still sniffling and sighing as he does so. Taehyung gladly listens to everything and then hopes Jungkook can feel comforted by the warmth he tries to convey through his own eyes.

They eat the cake Jungkook made him and then he stays over long after they finish eating. They talk a little more, both still a bit unsure how to act, but pushing through it as they get to know each other a little better. When Jungkook eventually has to leave to work on one of his school projects, they share an awkward goodbye and Taehyung walks him to the door.

Jungkook is almost back in the hall when he halts to a stop and slowly turns around, suddenly looking nervous and small.

“Taehyung…”, he says, his hands fidgeting and trembling a little. “C-can... can we not go back to how things were before?”.

Taehyung tilts his head, confused, and looks at Jungkook waiting for him to elaborate. And so he does.

“You know. How you would always, like… not to talk to me and all”, Jungkook is shy like Taehyung never saw him. His eyes are avoiding Taehyung at every cost and his hands are still fidgety inside his sweater paws. 

Taehyung feels embarrassed. 

He also feels guilty. 

He just hates that he’s made Jungkook think he doesn't like him. 

“I’m sorry I was like that, Jungkook”, he says quietly, also looking down as he was now bashful enough not to look at Jungkook anymore. “I did want to talk to you. It’s just… I’m a little complicated. But I won't ignore you anymore, okay? I’m really sorry”. 

He smiles at Jungkook, just as the younger one shoots up his glance back at him. Jungkook smiles too. He smiles big, full of bunny teeth. Nose adorably scrunched and eyes adorably wrinkly around the corners. 

“It’s okay. I’m just happy we’re on talking terms now”, he says and Taehyung smiles. “Anyways, I gotta go. See you around”.

And like that he smiles and walks to his own apartment, disappearing behind his door.

When he’s left alone, Taehyung lets out a shaky breath. He feels a little bit weird having spent so much time with someone else besides himself, but he also feels at ease. He knows he will come to regret this, but right now it’s just good to feel like he has something close to a friend.

Feeling all kinds of relieved, Taehyung goes to take a warm shower and then walks to his room, the sleepless night finally getting the best of him.

This time, when he lays his head on the pillow, he falls fast asleep. 

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The next few days go by fast. Taehyung doesn’t see Jungkook again for a while. The day after their conversation, he woke up feeling light and pleased. This ease made him feel as inspired as he thinks he’s ever been. So he keeps himself busy, too immersed in his own mess of paints, pencils, brushes, papers and canvases. He just surrounds himself with his art and, for the first time in a while, it isn’t because he wants an escape. He is just genuinely happy to focus and work on his paintings and his project. 

Taehyung didn’t hesitate when this new wave of inspiration led him to trace out the outline of Jungkook’s face. His mind wandered on its own and, before he even realized, he had drawn the face he already knew too well. So he just kept drawing the rest of him, not even noticing how every line and every stroke were so filled with something akin to affection. 

He let his hands paint the picture he had in his mind: Jungkook smiling as he looked fondly at Gureum with his permanent silly face and shiny white fur. It turned out very pretty, he had to admit it. 

On the sixth day after he last talked to Jungkook, he knocks on the younger's door, bashfully holding up a paper envelope adorned with a blue ribbon. He doesn’t wait for Jungkook to open it in front of him, too embarrassed to witness his reaction to the drawing inside. It is a simple painting, after all, done only in warm shades of yellow, because Jungkook reminded him of that color, of sunlight and warmth. 

He hopes Jungkook likes it.

After he runs back to his apartment, he waits a little for his breath to come back to its normal pace and for his face to stop burning before he goes back to his studio. 

The array of blue paint tubes lay spread out in front of him, creamy blues spilling and creating the type of mess Taehyung adored on the already stained wood.

When he looks up to the unfinished painting resting against the old easel, his heart clenches. He raises his hand and delicately traces the face he knows all too well, feeling his heart clench as he touches the canvas as if he could still feel the warm, soft skin of the one he once so dearly loved. 

The pain is still very much alive, burning hot at the bottom of his chest. He tries hard, however, to focus on all the good memories instead, staring fondly at the man painted in front of him.

Jooheon.

Jooheon was his first. 

The first time he ever felt a love so strong he thought he could die. Except he wouldn’t. 

Taehyung loved him so much. He loved him so purely and so strongly, the feeling still made itself present even after all those years. 

He feels a tear timidly stream down his face as his fingers run through the painted face. The deep dimples, the eyes he adored so much squeezed shut as his lips spread in one of his favorite smiles in the whole world. 

Jooheon showed him what love was. But he was also the first to show him what pain was. 

Taehyung stares at him, at the permanently still picture of the boy beaming in a bright smile. The face coming together little by little in a mixture of dark and light blues that seems to suit him so, so well.

He misses him. Still to this very day. Even after he’s loved and was loved by so many others. He still misses Jooheon. 

Still misses all of them. 

Once again, he wishes this could end. He thinks of all the faces he’s drawn over the infinite course of years he’s lived and wishes that, for once and for all, he could just leave this world like all of them did. 

Taehyung knew this new project of his would be painful. He knew it would be hard to relive all the times he fell in love, to face once more all those faces he kept hidden and locked in his wooden closet and buried deep inside his heart. 

But he felt like he owed them. He owed them time to properly grieve over their loss. Owed them to show how much he cared. How much he still held dear to his heart every single one of the hearts that once were his. The hearts that were once intertwined with his own.

The hearts he would never forget.

He sighs, wiping his tears away with fingers smudged blue. 

Then he glances over to the mess of paint tubes and lets his thoughts wander in another direction, away from the pain. He notices he already needs to buy more paint. He painted six pictures in the span of the last few days and, although his mind and his heart are a little tired from hurting, he still has that fire of inspiration inside, moving him to keep going. So he listens to it. 

A few minutes later he’s already at the front step of the little art shop. He just stands there, hesitant and nervous as his heart thumps loudly in his chest and he clutches to the straps of his bag for dear life. 

Taehyung’s looking inside when he spots Jimin. 

He is carrying what it seems to be a very heavy box and he looks a little bit sweaty. His brows are slightly furrowed and he is pouting as he does when he’s concentrating on something. Jimin looks all kinds of disheveled and a little bit distressed, very different from the usual soft and bubbly self Taehyung’s used to seeing.

And while Taehyung is still busy studying the gloomy expression on Jimin’s face, Jimin finally glances back at him. His stern face then morphing into a small smile, more like a slight press of lips. No bright grins or crescent moon eyes. It’s a smile but it’s barely there. 

Something inside Taehyung unsettles and he hurriedly walks into the shop.

“Taehyung”, Jimin says, voice sounding a little weak but with a hint of genuine excitement behind it. “You’re back”

“Hi”, he says, sheepishly, eyes darting all across Jimin looking for any sign of what’s bothering him. 

“It’s been a while, how have you been?”

Jimin wiggles the box in his arms when he almost lets it drop to the floor and Taehyung is quick to take it from his hands. Jimin mutters him a small ‘thanks’ but his eyes scream how thankful he really is. Just then Taehyung realizes how tired his eyes are. There’s no gleam in them, no energy in the way his lids seem too heavy to keep open. Jimin, Taehyung notices now, looks exhausted. 

“I’ve been fine, actually”, he dismisses quickly, looking intently at the blonde boy in front of him and not hiding the worry in his voice when he returns the question. “What about you? Is everything okay?”

Jimin chuckles a little and runs his hands through his messy hair. “Yeah, everything’s fine”, he shrugs. “But if the look on your face is anything to go by, I must look like shit right now.” Taehyung wants to protest and say that’s definitely not the case. He doesn’t think Jimin could look anything short of heavenly even if he tried. Even when he’s like this, all tired and a little gloomy.

“That’s not it. You just look a bit tired, that’s all”. 

“Are you worried about me, kind stranger, Taehyung, man of the blues?”, he says jokingly, hand pushing Taehyung slightly. He feels the spot where Jimin touched him burn. “No but, jokes aside, I'm fine. I am, indeed, very tired. We’re tidying up the store and moving things around but my father wasn’t feeling well so I've been doing it alone since yesterday”.

Jimin stretches his arms as he speaks, face wincing in a scrunched pout that makes it seem like he’s in pain. 

“I-I could help”, Taehyung says before he can stop himself.

The smile Jimin gives him is so bright he’s sure he could go blind if he stared at it for too long. His shoulders drop, releasing some of the tension in them and he runs his hands through his blonde strands once again. “Would you? I can really use the help”, Jimin says, eyeing him intently, relief mixed with uncertainty on his gaze.

“Yeah. What can I do?”

After that, the afternoon goes by very quickly. Jimin sure keeps Taehyung busy, asking him to move boxes, clean shelves and organize all kinds of things around the store. They don’t talk much, each of them too immersed in their own chores. But occasionally they walk by each other and Jimin smiles at him, gives him a little wink, or a pat on the shoulders. Taehyung, albeit bashful, always smiles back each time. 

When they finish up with the things Jimin had planned for the day, the sun has already gone down. Jimin then goes over to the door and locks it, turning the sign hanging above the doorknob to let customers know they are closed for the day.

“I figured we could close earlier today. I’m exhausted”, he says when he’s met with Taehyung’s questioning look. 

Taehyung nods and walks over to the counter, meaning to take his bag from where Jimin stored it. Jimin rushes towards him when he sees Taehyung’s already ready to leave.

“Taehyung, wait”, he says, placing a hesitant hand over his shoulder. Taehyung shivers. “You… are you leaving?”

Taehyung nods. “Yeah. I mean, unless you need my help with something else”, he says.

“No I- I don’t, actually. It’s just… you came here earlier. Don’t you need something?”, Jimin doesn’t look Taehyung in the eyes and he looks shy as Taehyung rarely sees him. 

“Oh, right”, it’s just then that it dawns on him that he indeed went there to buy some supplies he was in need of.

“You can take anything you need. On the house”, he winks again, grinning at Taehyung.

“You don’t have to. It’s okay I’ll just pick a few things up and-”

“No, Taehyung, I insist. Take it as a thank you for your help today. Please”.

Jimin looks at him, his bright eyes so wide and so pliant, his lips jousting a little. He looks cute all over and, even though he knows it’s all an act, Taehyung can help but to abide by his request. 

“O-okay”, he murmurs. 

“So, what do you need today?”, Jimin says, smiling wide as he grabs Taehyung’s wrist and drags him all the way to the paint aisle. 

“I, um, I need a few more of those blues I got last time and actually a few canvases as well”, he says, still a bit shy, scratching the back of his neck with the hand that’s not being held by Jimin.

Jimin hands him a little wicker basket and ushers him to the very last shelf, gesturing to the variety of blue paint tubes in front of him. “Take your pick”, he says, stepping aside so Taehyung can grab what he wants and place it in the basket. It doesn’t take long, though, as he already knew the ones he needed. 

“Done?”, Jimin asks when Taehyung turns to him, hands clutched to the basket and a press of lips he thinks comes close to a small smile. Taehyung just nods and Jimin smiles again. “Very well, then. The canvases are in the back, would you mind coming with me so you can pick the ones you’d like?”

“Sure”, he smiles and places the small basket on a random shelf before dropping his bag and following Jimin through the door behind the counter. 

They walk through a narrow hallway, Taehyung having a little bit of a harder time moving around in the dark considering he doesn’t know the place as well as Jimin does. On the very end of the hallway, there’s an opening to a storage area, separated from the other space by a bead curtain. Jimin walks in first and then holds up the strands of colorful beads for Taehyung to go through after him.

Jimin turns on the light and the room is suddenly bathed by a warm yellow light that is not nearly enough for it to stop being a little dim. Still, it’s enough for Taehyung to see where he’s going and not stumble on one of the many boxes scattered around the place. “Wait here for a bit, I’m going to grab boxes with the canvases, I’ll be right back”.

“Okay”, Taehyung says and Jimin disappears behind the shelves. Taehyung just awkwardly stands there for a while, unsure of what to do with himself. But then something catches his attention in the corner of his eyes. 

In a further wall, laying against it, is a row of paintings varying in size, color and style next to an easel, a little bench and a few scattered brushes. Taehyung walks towards it, getting closer to take a better look at them. He is mesmerized. He’s used to the art that’s showcased in the shop from time to time, something always standing out to him. But he’s never seen anything like that displayed on the exhibition wall. 

All of the works, even the smaller ones, even the ones he can’t quite figure the shapes of, all of them are beautifully stained by so much emotion that Taehyung feels his breath hitch in his throat. 

There’s one painting, though, that grabs his attention and it gets him enthralled. 

It’s a painting of his spot. The quiet, lonely bridge over the glowing river. The way the light is painted to hit all the right places gives the spot an ethereal gleam that’s even more intense than the real one. He’s not even sure how that’s possible. The water is captured in the middle of its beautiful dance, golden smeared all over the slight waves. In the painting, the wind seems to be hitting the leaves in the trees in a way that makes it look like they’re dancing too. Taehyung can feel warmth just by looking at it. He feels warm all over and his chest swells with the comfort he feels by looking at the work of art. It’s breathtaking.

He gets even closer to the painting, hand itching to touch it, to feel it. His fingers are almost reaching the canvas on the easel when he hears footsteps getting closer to him. 

“Taehyung, I got you some- Oh, you’ve found them”, Jimin says from behind him. 

“Jimin, hey”, he answers, stepping away from the paintings, feeling cornered like he’s been caught. “I-I was just looking. They’re beautiful”.

Jimin smiles, impossibly soft and surprisingly shy. His gaze doesn’t rise to meet the other’s and he looks almost a little nervous. “You like them?”, he asks, voice small and hesitant. 

“I really do, yeah”, Taehyung answers, his eyes averting back to the paintings as he once more studies them. 

Just when he does so, he halts to a stop when he sees an unfinished work in a small canvas, lying all the way over to the darker corner of the room. He freezes, feeling his stomach twist as he stares at a pair of eyes that stare right back at him.

“A-are those… i-is that me ?”, he asks, voice barely a whisper. He turns to face Jimin and is met with the boy curling in himself. His cheeks are tinted a bright pink and he holds a sheepish smile across his face. He looks all kinds of shy.

When Taehyung looks at him, he just shrugs and then looks up, fixing his gaze in Taehyung’s with an intensity that the other has grown familiar with by now.  

“I told you I liked your eyes”, he says simply. 

Taehyung is speechless. 

“You… Did you paint this? Are all of these yours?

Jimin nods, still a little flushed and then smiles at him. 

“I studied art in college. Came back and held onto every inspiration I could get to keep painting”, he shrugs. “Just… things around me, things I like…” He steps closer to Taehyung, stopping in front of him and looking into his eyes. “Things I find beautiful”. 

Taehyung feels himself blush now, a little taken aback by the implied compliment Jimin gave him. He doesn’t know what to say, so he looks down, staring at his feet. He fights a smile that’s threatening to spread across his face as he fidgets with his hands because he also doesn’t know what to do with them. 

He looks back at the painting, his chest swelling as he’s met with it again. His eyes are there, painted in the same beautiful way the spot on the bridge was: full of warmth. His stare is strong and intense but what surprises him the most is the way he can see the emotion in them. The way he can see the pain. 

His eyes are painted strong but convey so much feeling. He doesn’t even need to see the rest of his face to see that he’s sad. 

Suddenly it hits him and his face falls immediately. 

Is that really how people see me? Do I really look that sad?

Jimin notices the shift in his mood and comes closer, his small hand once again holding thigh onto Taehyung’s wrist. “Taehyung, are you okay?”

Taehyung just nods weakly. 

Jimin frowns, looking at him and trying to get a hold of his eyes. He’s worried. But as he’s studying Taehyung's face, it hits him too. So he leans back a little and lets his lips curl in a small smile. 

“Taehyung-ssi, can you look at me?”, and reluctantly, Taehyung does. “You have beautiful eyes. The most beautiful eyes. But they say the eyes are the window to your soul and when I look at yours, I can see straight into your heart”, Jimin says, voice soft as a whisper. His small hand sneaking its way into Taehyung’s larger one, holding it tight and squeezing it a little. “You don’t need to worry too much about what people see when they look into your eyes. Just know that when I do, I find all sorts of beautiful things. Including that pain of yours. Your pain is beautiful too”.

Taehyung feels like crying. How does Jimin do that? How did he know exactly what was bothering him and exactly what to say to make him feel better?

Except he doesn’t just feel better. He feels elated . His chest blooming with every single dormant emotion he had buried deep inside him. 

And he wants more.

He squeezes Jimin’s hand back and searches for his eyes again. He’s met with the softest gaze and one of those soft smiles that always dance around on his head every time he thinks of Jimin. 

“Jimin, I… I don’t even know what to say”, Taehyung looks deep into Jimin’s eyes. He desperately wishes he could convey all the things he’s feeling right now. Wishes he could explain the way Jimin makes him want to throw out the window every ounce of the certainties he had been building over the last years. The way Jimin gives him hope he could, someday, be free. 

But he doesn’t know how to say that. How he could even begin to explain.

“It’s okay”, Jimin says, smile growing wider and fonder. “Your eyes already tell me everything I need to know”.

It’s then when he sees it. He sees the way Jimin’s gaze moves down to his mouth and back to his eyes. He feels the way Jimin steps even closer. The way his fingers move around and intertwine with his own. And he feels paralyzed. Like he’s about to be struck by lightning and can’t do anything but stand there and wait to be destroyed.

Jimin leans in, eyes mapping out the entirety of Taehyung’s face. He’s so close Taehyung can feel his warm breath ghosting over his own lips.

There’s something about the way Jimin’s eyes darken, hooded and intense, that sends a shiver through Taehyung’s spine. Jimin’s lips are parted and he sticks out the tip of his tongue to wet them as he keeps leaning closer and closer. He looks at Taehyung’s mouth like a starved man and he must be able to feel the way Taehyung’s heart thumps loudly in his chest. 

Jimin takes his sweet time, face ghosting impossibly close to Taehyung’s, their breaths meeting and mingling in between their lips. Then he moves his other hand to the soft strands of hair on the nape of Taehyung’s neck, caressing the skin so softly Taehyung feels his knees giving in a little. 

Taehyung is still completly petrified, anticipation building and unfolding inside of him. He catches the way Jimin’s eyes look for his one last time before they close and he closes his too. He feels Jimin’s breath closer to his skin and then feels Jimin’s button nose nuzzling his cheek. So softly, so unmistakably caring. 

He lets out a little puff of air, feeling electrified. One of his hands moves to Jimin’s waist, holding him close. The other hand rises to Jimin’s cheek and he caresses it with the pad of his thumb. Jimin hums.

Right then, he moves his face slightly, brushing his lips gently over Taehyung’s. He presses a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then another at the little mole on Taehyung’s bottom lip. Then he takes a deep breath and joins their lips together, both of them sighing into the kiss. 

Taehyung frowns, his grip on Jimin’s waist tightening. He feels as if he’s breathless and Jimin holds all the air in the world. He just wants and wants and wants. He drowns in the feeling of Jimin’s lips against his own. Incredibly soft and sweet. As is the rest of him. 

When he feels the tip of Jimin’s tongue timidly asking for something he already knows what it is, he’s more than happy to comply, parting his lips to give way for Jimin to enter his mouth and explore him as he wishes. Their tongues dance around each other, traveling around and connecting them in a kiss that is so intense at the same time that is so, so sweet. 

They kiss as if all the time in the world is held in their hands, in their embrace. There’s no rush in it. Jimin’s hand never stops stroking his hair gently and Taehyung allows himself to bask in the feeling. 

Familiarity.

Belonging.

He sighs again, heart full, blooming . 

When they pull apart, trying to catch their breaths, Jimin is smiling wide and beaming. And Taehyung realizes he’s smiling too. As big as he hasn’t in a really long time. They look at each other and giggle, Jimin burying himself in Taehyung’s chest, circling his waist with his arms and nuzzling the soft skin of his neck. 

Taehyung holds him, arms pressing him tightly into himself. He rests his cheek on the top of Jimin's head and smells his hair, reveling in the subtle smell of lavender that fills his lungs. They stay like that for a while, not saying anything, just lost on each other. And Taehyung, once again, feels warmth spreading across him, under his skin and all the way to his heart.

He feels like he could stay like this forever.

And it’s as this thought crosses his mind, that he feels himself being roughly brought back to reality. Because he can’t. He could never stay like this forever because his forever is infinitely longer than Jimin’s.

The realization sinks heavy in his chest, his heart dropping all the way to his stomach. 

Taehyung stiffens inside of Jimin’s embrace, and the other notices it. 

Jimin leans back, searching for his face. His smile dies little by little as he studies Taehyung and figures something’s not right. 

Taehyung no longer feels comforted in Jimin’s arms. He feels trapped, suffocated and so he tries to wriggle himself away from them. 

“Tae, is everything alright?”, Jimin asks, face now all stained with worry. 

Tae .

The nickname hits him stronger than he thought it would. 

No, ‘Tae’ is not okay. ‘Tae’ is too intimate, too close.

He can’t. He can’t. 

He feels like he can’t breathe. 

Jimin’s hands move to cup his face and he winces ever so slightly, but still enough for him to see the flash of hurt on Jimin’s eyes. 

No, no, no, no. 

He can’t. 

He’s panicking. 

He needs to get out. He needs to go home.

“Taehyung, what is going on?”, Jimin asks, voice rising as he grows more and more unsettled. “Did I do something wrong?”

Taehyung’s heart breaks. He can only find enough strength in him to shake his head vigorously.

Jimin could never do him wrong. He was too right , that was the problem. 

He’s hurting Jimin. Taehyung knows that. Can see it in the way Jimin recoils and hugs himself.

“No, Jimin, it’s not… you’re not… you didn’t...”, he sighs, frustrated, wishing just for once he could find the right fucking words to say. But he can’t. Because his mind is spinning and he feels dizzy. He needs to get out. He needs to be alone. 

He hates himself.

Hates this never ending cycle that seems to never let him be happy. Not even for a little while. Not even long enough for him to enjoy a kiss of the boy he hasn't been able to stop thinking about.

“What is it then?”, Jimin asks softly

“I-I need to go”, he says, already turning his back and heading towards the door. 

He feels a hand grabbing his wrist. The touch is not gentle, is not soft. It’s rough, desperate.

“Wait. Taehyung, what’s wrong? Talk to me”, Jimin asks, brows furrowed and a small pout on his lips.

“Jimin, please”, he begs, not even sure what for. Maybe he wants Jimin to let him go. Maybe he wants Jimin to hold him even tighter. 

“I don’t understand. We were okay just now”, Jimin shakes his head, voice a little choked and eyes wide.

“I just need to go. I-I just… I can’t”, Taehyung says, broken, defeated. “Please Jimin”. 

His voice is wavering as he feels the first tear slide down his face. He bites down on his lips to hold back the other ones.

It’s clearer than before, now. The hurt on Jimin’s face. The pain that floods his gaze as he looks into Taehyung’s eyes one last time before he lets him go.

Taehyung hesitates. His heart and his mind battling fiercely over the control of what he does next. 

He wants to swindle Jimin back into his arms and hold him. To stroke his back, kiss his cheek, smell his hair and reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong. But he also wants to run as fast and as far as he can. Run away from the small growing flame on his chest. The overwhelming, unmistakable warmth of hope that’s starting to etch itself into his heart.

It’s all too much. 

He looks at Jimin just for a little longer, lingering in all the ‘maybes’ and ‘what ifs’ the other holds in the intensity of his eyes. He looks at him one last time before he finally turns his back and leaves the storage room. 

Taehyung takes his bag, not even bothering to take the paints he picked up earlier. 

He just clutches the bag in his hands, unlocks the door and walks away as fast as he can manage. 

His mind sighs in relief but his heart hurts as it breaks for the thousandth time.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The universe hates him. 

Taehyung’s thought about that a million times over the years, but, right now, he is sure of it. 

Because, just as he leaves the art shop, running for dear life, his cheeks damp with the ever flowing tears he’s shedding, it starts to rain. 

It’s not just a drizzle, not some few soft droplets brushing against his skin. It’s a heavy pour that doesn’t take more than a few seconds to get him completely wet.

His hair is stuck to his face and the water flows through some of the strands on his forehead, making it hard to tell apart the streaks of rain from the ones left by his tears.

So maybe the universe doesn't hate him. 

Maybe the universe loves him and loves him enough to make the skies cry. To make it seem like he’s not crying alone.

But what kind of love is that? What kind of love makes him hurt this bad?

No, that’s not love. 

And then Taehyung thinks: maybe the universe doesn’t hate him, and maybe it doesn’t love him either. Maybe the universe just forgot about him completely somewhere along the course of its existence.

This thought makes him feel even worse. 

He is already far from the shop, but still refuses to slow down his pace. He is panting, struggling to breath and to see across the heavy curtains of water pouring from above him, but he still runs.

His eyes burn with tears that come filled with all the agony he feels blooming in his chest right where, just moments ago, much prettier feelings bloomed.

Taehyung lets out his first sob when he passes by the bridge. His bridge. Their bridge.

He doesn’t dare to look at it, just sees it from the corner of his eyes when it passes by him in a blur. 

The weight he feels in his chest is that same one he has, unfortunately, grown too familiar with. It hurts just the same as it did time after time. 

Just the same as it did every time he lost someone. 

And, although it hurts the same, this is so, so different from that. He just met Jimin. They only kissed this one time and somehow that was enough to twist everything in his heart and set his insides on fire. It doesn’t make any sense.

Taehyung shouldn’t be feeling the way he does. A simple kiss shouldn’t make such strong emotions grow present in his chest. 

So he panicked. 

He’s scared and he panicked and he left without saying anything. 

Flashes of Jimin’s eyes, shiny and hurt, float around his mind and it makes his heart clench even tighter. The last thing he wanted was to make Jimin sad, to cause him any type of pain. 

He hates himself. 

Hates himself for being selfish enough to let himself get carried away like that.

So he cries and sobs and screams because that’s all he can do. Because it’s his only attempt to ease the pain that slowly takes over him entirely.

When he’s almost reaching the entrance of his building, he stumbles a little, legs weak and lungs tired. He doesn’t have it in him to try and stop the fall, so he just lets it happen. He falls forward, knees hitting the ground with a loud thud.

Taehyung registers the sharp pain shooting up as he hits the concrete, but barely feels it. It doesn’t come even close to hurting as bad as his heart does right now.

He stays like that for a long time, kneeling in the ground with his head down in defeat and tears still streaming down his face. After a while he gathers whatever little strength he has left only to drop down from his knees and sit on the edge of the sidewalk. He sits there for what feels like hours, heavy rain still making his damp hair fall like a curtain around his eyes.

He cries and cries and cries until he feels like he no longer has tears to shed. When he finally stops crying and is left with nothing but the strangled breath caused by the sobs, the sky decides it will stop crying too.

The heavy pour turns into a light rain, that turns into a soft drizzle until it just goes away. And then Taehyung is still there, sitting on the floor, hugging his legs close to his chest, completely drenched and staring blankly at the street in front of him. 

Right now he doesn’t give two fucks about the people walking past him and giving him judging stares. He doesn’t care about anything. He just feels numb and lost.

The cold air of the night starts to get the best of him after a while and, albeit oblivious to his surroundings, Taehyung starts to shiver. It’s when the cold is almost unbearable to the point that it makes him want to close his eyes and just go to sleep right there, that he feels a hand on his shoulder. 

The hand is attached to someone and that someone is talking to him, saying something he can’t really understand. He tries to focus his gaze on the person now kneeling in front of him, tries to listen to their voice, but it’s like he’s not even there. 

What brings him back to reality is the warm feeling of two arms and a very large chest holding him close. That close, he registers the soft, distant smell of vanilla. It’s one smell he recognizes too well.

“Jungkook?”, he manages to say, his voice broken, barely a whisper.

“Taehyung-ssi? Oh my god, hyung, what happened?”, Jungkook asks, as he pulls away from the hug and cups Taehyung’s face, brows furrowed with worry and eyes already glimmering with unshed tears.

Taehyung just shakes his head and looks down, the lump in his throat coming back. He feels his eyes burning but, just as he thought, no tears come out this time. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything. But you’re freezing, let’s get you inside, okay?”

Jungkook doesn’t get a response, but he gets up and pulls Taehyung by the hand regardless. He lets Taehyung lean his weight against him and struggles to go up the stairs while the other is in this deep state of distress. 

He’s never seen Taehyung like this before. So out of it. It scares him. That’s why he doesn’t even think twice before opening the door to his own apartment and walking in with Taehyung by his side.

“Hyung, go take a warm shower, I'll bring you a towel and clean clothes”, he says, already pacing around the small space, so frantic he doesn’t even notice the honorific slipping out of his mouth.

Taehyung doesn’t have it in him to care right now. So he just nods and walks to the bathroom. 

He lets himself relax a little under the hot water and fills his lungs with the thick steam that overtakes the small room. When he finishes, he sees that Jungkook’s left a fluffy towel, a shirt twice his size and a pair of sweatpants at the foot of the door. 

Feeling a little better, he walks out of the bathroom and timidly looks around for the younger one. He finds him in the kitchen, pouring hot water in a giant mug. 

“Oh, you’re done”, he says, a little startled when he spots Taehyung approaching. “I made tea. I don’t know what you like but I took a shot and decided on chamomile. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Thank you”, Taehyung tries to smile, he really does. But all he manages is a press of lips and a quick glance at Jungkook’s face.

He takes the mug from the counter and takes a sip, letting the drink warm up his insides. 

“Are you feeling better?”, Jungkook asks. His tone is soft, hesitant, as if he’s afraid Taehyung will crumble again. 

“A little, yeah”

“I’m glad”, he smiles and then gestures to the couch. 

They both take a seat, settling on the opposite ends of it. The silence that follows is a little awkward and Jungkook shifts and fidgets a lot. He avoids looking at Taehyung but is clearly uneasy about the whole situation.

“It’s fine, Jungkook, you can ask”, Tahyung says softly, reading through the signs Jungkook is letting out.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be that obvious”, he lets out a chuckle. “It's just… I’m a little worried. You looked pretty gone down there. Is everything okay?”

“No”, he sights. “But it hasn’t been for a long time. I’m used to it, I’ll be fine”, he shrugs.

“You don’t have to do that, you know?”

“W-what?”

“Pretending you’re fine. You’re hurt and it’s okay, you don’t have to pretend you’re not. Not with me, at least”, Jungkook says, cheeks tinted pink and eyes that look deep into Taehyung’s.

Taehyung feels like crying again.

He feels bad for feeling like this, feels selfish, but he’s so unbelievably glad he’s not alone. He’s glad he has someone to talk to right now, someone by his side. 

He lets out a shaky breath and, against all odds, feels his eyes get blurry with new tears. Only this time they don’t come from pain. They come from relief.

“Thank you, Jungkook. This means a lot”, he smiles.

“No problem. I told you I would be here for you, hyung”, he says and smiles softly before his eyes widen as he realizes what he once again lets slip out. “I-I mean, Taehyung. I’m sorry, I-”

Taehyung lets out a little chuckle. “It’s okay, Jungkook. You can address me however you like. I’m okay with it now”.

“Really?”, Jungkook asks, eyes wide and smile beaming. Taehyung just nods. “Oh, wow. Okay, hyung. I will call you hyung”, he smiles again, nose wrinkling and bunny teeth peeking out as he does so. Taehyung smiles with him.

“It’s been a really long time since someone called me that”, Taehyung murmurs quietly, gaze pierced to his fidgeting hands and a wistful smile across his face.

“How come?”

Taehyung looks back at Jungkook. He studies the other’s face, sees the worry lines across his forehead, feels the sincerity in his eyes and then he thinks about his next move. He ponders whether or not is as good idea to do what he is about to do, weights in the possible outcomes and in the end decides that, fuck it, he’s gonna tell him. He feels like he can trust Jungkook enough and thinks he could really use a friend after all this time. 

“It’s a long, long story. But remember how I told you I was complicated?”, he asks and waits for Jungkook to nod before he carries on. “Well, the thing is I’ve been avoiding getting too close with anyone for a while now. I chose to be alone”.

“But… Why would you choose that? Doesn’t it get lonely?”, Jungkook asks, sad eyes staring at the one in front of him and Taehyung gets it. Jungkook knows what this feels like, but he didn’t choose that for himself.

“Well, it does. It’s hell actually. And it’s even more complicated if you consider the amount of time I’ve been living like this”, Taehyung says, heart beating so loud he can feel it thumping in his ears. Jungkook seems oblivious to his uneasiness and to the path this story is leading to. But that’s the part Taehyung is most nervous about. “See, I’ve been alive for a long time, Jungkook. Way longer than you may think”.

“What? How old are you? I thought you were like, twenty six or something”, he says, confusion smeared all across his face. 

Taehyung looksmdown.

“I’m actually three hundred and twenty four years old”, Taehyung says simply.

Jungkook scoffs. “Hyung, that’s not funny. I thought we were having a serious conversation here”.

He sighs. “I’m not lying, Jungkook. I know it seems crazy...”

“It really does!”

“...but it’s true”.

The look on Jungkook's face tells Taehyung what the younger hesitates to say out loud. Jungkook does not believe him. But then again, who would? Taehyung is well aware that what he’s saying is nonsense, no one would believe him like that. 

He sighs, feeling a little frustrated. He knows it's too much to ask — to believe him with something like that — but he still feels defeated anyway. 

Jungkook fidgets with his hands, shooting up ocasional little glances in Taehyung's direction. He looks puzzled and uncomfortable. Looking at Jungkook makes Taehyung feel uncomfortable himself.

It’s then that it all becomes clear to him. The reason for his discomfort.

He wants Jungkook to believe him. 

In all those years Taehyung never bothered to insist on someone to believe him. Hell, he didn’t even talk about this with many people. Now that he thinks about it, Jungkook is probably the first person he’s openly told this to in decades. It feels weird, this realization, and it sends Taehyung's mind into a whirlwind of thoughts. Everything inside his head spinning so fast it’s hard for him to make sense of anything. So he grabs onto the thing that makes it furthest and stretches all the way into his heart: the need to make Jungkook believe him. 

He doesn’t even give himself more time to think about it, suddenly jumping to his feet and walking towards the door to Jungkook's apartment. When he starts to walk, however, Jungkook jolts to his feet too. “Hyung, wait, please, don’t go. I-I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. Let's just talk. Don’t just-”

“I’ll be right back”, Taehyung interrupts him, too determined to slow down and explain what he's doing. He just storms past the door and walks into his own apartment next door, feet moving fast to take him exactly where he knows he stored the things he needs. He walks back out and then back to Jungkook’s place to find him a little wide-eyed and looking all sorts of confused, gaze lost somewhere on the floor while holding Gureum tightly so he wouldn’t go running out the door Taehyung left open. 

Jungkook, then, startles when he notices Taehyung is back, seeming almost a little surprised that he really is. When he opens his mouth to speak, Taehyung beats him to it. “Here”, he says, stretching out his arms and placing the heavy wooden box he’s holding in Jungkook’s hesitant hands. “I know you don’t believe me and I know it’s unfair of me to ask you to. But look through this and maybe you can understand what I’m saying”.

“O-okay?”, Jungkook half states, half asks. He looks from the box to Taehyung a few times and pauses for a moment before he carefully lifts the lid up. At first he still looks bewildered as he makes sense of the things inside, but then his face morphs into a frown and he looks up to Taehyung. “What is all this?”

“That’s my whole life”, Taehyung says simply, shrugging much too calmly for Jungkook’s liking when he’s straight up panicking a little trying to understand all of this. 

Jungkook waits for Taehyung to further explain what he means but he just shrugs again and nods towards the box. Jungkook sighs, still bearing a skeptical look on his face as he carefully starts rummaging through all the frames and binders carefully arranged before him. 

One by one he lifts the framed photos and takes his time looking thoroughly at each one of them. Taehyung thinks Jungkook doesn’t even realize what he’s supposed to understand by looking at them but finds it endearing that he would pay such close attention still. 

All the while, however, Taehyung’s heart is pounding like crazy inside his chest, mindful of every little reaction Jungkook displays to something he sees. 

Just subtly glancing at the photos makes Taehyung’s heart sting. There’s a reason as to why all of these things are packed tightly together and away from where he can see them. This entire box is nothing but a reminder of all of the years he’s lived. Of all the lives he’s lived. It all just hurts too much.

So he tries to distance himself from the memories for the time being, tries to push the pain that comes with them to the back of his chest. He clears his throat and averts his gaze from the photos, back to Jungkook. 

The younger keeps looking at them and his frown only deepens as the photos start to look older and older.

“Hyung, why do you have so many photos of people in costumes?” Jungkook asks, genuinely confused as he sorts through a photo album, the one that compiles photos Taehyung took on the streets of every city he’s lived in. The photos range to the one he took just a few years ago when he first moved to this town, from very old pictures taken with very old cameras. The last ones are not even photos, just washed out sketches in old yellow paper. 

Despite the discomfort he feels looking at the pictures, he still can’t help but to chuckle a little at Jungkook's question. “They are not wearing costumes, Jungkook”, he says softly. “It’s just regular clothing changing throughout time. And places. These were all taken in different places”.

Jungkook stares up at him for a moment, almost as if he’s searching for answers in Taehyung’s expression. “Oh”, he says when he doesn’t seem to find what he's looking for. He looks like he wants to believe Taehyung but can’t quite yet. He opens his mouth to speak again but ends up closing it, sighing as he tilts his head to the side and moves on to the next photo album he sees.

He looks attentively throughout all of the photos, occasionally asking questions about them. Taehyung answers them all, hoping Jungkook will start to believe him eventually, even if just a little bit. 

They fall into a comfortable silence for a while, the shifting of the photos and Gureum’s soft panting breaths being the only sound in the room. But then Jungkook gets to a small envelope and, slowly, takes out the photos inside. “Oh my god, hyung, is that you?”, Jungkook asks, shocked, eyes wide and mouth gaping open as he holds up a picture. Taehyung nods. “You… you just look so different”. 

Taehyung looks at the photo and feels a little intrigued himself. The photo is decades old and it was taken back when he lived in France. He’s sitting in front of a large window, the sunlight hitting his face gracefully. His hair cascades down his shoulders, half tied back with a couple of loose strands framing his face, framing his smile. He’s smiling so brightly, so big. He thinks he was laughing, actually, when the picture was taken. He just looks so very happy in this picture, his whole demeanor seeming so light and giddy. 

So different from how he carries himself now. 

But he remembers clearly the happiness he felt back then. This was when he was living with Wooyoung. They were so happy together. He was not his first love, but it was one of the strongest he felt. Wooyoung was a photographer and was the one to capture that moment of Taehyung’s, relaxed and laid back in the living room of the small apartment they shared. The memories come rushing back and Taehyung has to gulp down the sudden urge to cry. 

“Yeah”, he shrugs, looking down. “It was taken a long time ago”, he says even though he knows Jungkook knows that. The younger turns the photo on his hands and looks at the message written on the back. Taehyung doesn’t even have to read it, every word is already etched into his brain. 

As Jungkook reads through it, Taehyung feels stripped bare in front of him, letting him into the most private parts of his life and his heart. He just hopes this is all worth it in the end.

“1947?”, Jungkook asks, pointing to the date written on the back along with the message. Taehyung just nods. Jungkook looks taken aback, staring at that same picture for a long time before going through the other ones he took from the envelope. They are all the pictures Taehyung has of himself. There aren’t many, though. Very few are spontaneous like that first one. There are some self portraits he took just because, some other photos he used for documents and a select few of Taehyung and some of the important people in his life, his friends and some of his lovers. 

“Oh my god”, Jungkook mutters quietly to himself. He shifts through the rest of the pictures but, as he gets to the last photos, his eyes widen again 

Taehyung glances at the ones Jungkook looks at now, the class photos. There are ten of them. 

“Hyung you graduated college already?”

“I did. Multiple times, actually”. Jungkook shoots his head up, looking at Tahyung’s resolved expression with the ‘ what?’ he doesn’t say smeared across his face. Taehyung then reaches for the box, grabbing one of the frames resting on the bottom. “This one was the first, I first majored in art”, he explains as he hands Jungkook his first framed diploma. 

Jungkook looks at it still a bit suspiciously and then almost shouts as he reads through it. “ 1923 ? Why does it say 1923?”

“Because that’s the year I graduated”, he answers simply, not even giving Jungkook time to ask further questions as he carries on, handing him the next frame. “Then I went to law school after a few years, didn’t like it”, he grimaces as Jungkook studies the other diploma. “After that I tried majoring in physics. Don’t know why I thought that was a good idea, but I dropped out after two insufferable years. Worst experience of my life” he adds, dramatically, trying to lighten up the mood a little.

“Oh my god”, it’s all Jungkook says with a little laugh.

“Then it was architecture, psychology, journalism, philosophy, another art major, just to freshen my abilities”, he tries to joke, “sociology, music and lastly, photography”, he keeps listing his majors as he hands Jungkook all of his framed diplomas. 

Jungkook stares blankly at the pile of frames on his lap and looks like he’s about to pass out. “Are you serious? How could you possibly have had time to major in all those things already?”

Taehyung looks at him with his best pleading eyes, face morphing into a soft, wistful smile as he nods towards the class photos Jungkook was previously looking at. “I already told you, Jungkook. Just look at the photos, you can check the dates on all of them. I’m not lying”, he says softly. 

Please, is what he doesn’t say, please believe me. 

Taehyung waits in excruciating silence for Jungkook’s reaction, for him to say something, anything. When he finally does, it’s not quite what Taehyung expected. 

“But… why on earth would you choose to go through college that many times?”, Jungkook asks and he looks almost offended, face grimacing in disbelief. 

Taehyung chuckles. This unexpected response makes him feel relieved, he sighs and then playfully shrugs, smirking. “You would be surprised at the lengths one might go to kill time when time is all they have. Figured I could use mine to at least learn stuff”.

“You’re insane”, Jungkook shakes his head. “Hyung, you willingly went through hell. Ten… no , eleven fucking times”, he laughs. And then both of them are laughing. They stay like that for a long time. Jungkook laughing so hard he has tears in his eyes and Taehyung just smiling wide and laughing because he feels relieved and content.

The laugh eventually fades away and Jungkook sighs, looking Taehyung in the eyes, tone going serious when he speaks again. “Taehyung, but… how? I mean, how is this even possible?”, Jungkook asks, hands gesturing from the box to Taehyung, and Taehyung gets what he’s really asking.

“Not even I know the answer to that. I don’t really know how it happened or why. It just… did”, he shrugs, seeing the way Jungkook perks up as he waits for him to explain. He doesn’t even have to ask for Taehyung to understand, and Taehyung complies gladly, eager to let this all out now that he’s started telling him. 

“I had a dream one night. A woman came up to me and it was so weird, because it seemed like she already knew me. Even in the dream I felt so uneasy in her presence. And then she started telling me about some legend called the ‘Legend of The Lost Soul’”, Taehyung says, using finger quotes around that last bit. “It’s a long and old story but it basically talks about how every soul has another soul it's connected to, and how the two of them are destined to meet, united by fate. They will meet, eventually. But there are a few who are left lost, wandering in the universe. These are destined to meet their soulmates but fate does not unite them. And she told me that was my case”. 

Jungkook still looks a bit hesitant, but his eyes widen the slightest bit, filled with worry. 

“But how could she be sure?”, he asks.

“I don’t know”, Taehyung looks down at his hands, pulling in the little bits of the loose skin around his nails. “And she never got to explain it to me. I tried asking and she didn’t let me, said something about there being no time for that”, he scoffs at the irony of it.

“And what does that have to do with your… many years of life?”, Jungkook asks hesitantly, grimacing a little and sounding just as unsure as the look he has on his face and is trying desperately not to show. Taehyung feels every last bit of uncomfortable in this conversation, but the way Jungkook phrases his question almost makes him laugh. Nonetheless, he continues.

“You see, each soul is meant to find their soulmate. They need to find each other and, since the lost souls can’t count on fate to bring them together, they are bound to keep wandering, searching. They— um… we must keep looking until we find our soulmates in order to fulfill our destiny. Sometimes it takes one lifetime, sometimes it takes hundreds. And there’s no way to put an end to it, I’ve… I’ve tried”, he says, voice close to a whisper by the end of it. 

“So you just have to keep looking forever?”, Jungkook asks, closer and closer to the edge of his seat as the conversation goes on. 

“Basically, yeah”, Taehyung says, curling into himself, hugging his knees and burrowing his face onto his folded arms.

“Oh, wow”, Jungkook breathes, eyes now open very wide. “And how do you know if you’ve found the soulmate?”

“She said I needed to put my intentions into existence and needed to give the universe a perpetual personification of the person I thought to be my soulmate. Since I had always been an artist, she said I had to paint a portrait of them. Eternalize this person in hopes that the universe would take them as the soul meant to be intertwined with mine”.

“And have you ever tried? Painting a portrait, I mean”, Jungkook asks, voice soft and careful.

Taehyung lets out a dry chuckle, trying not to let out too much of the pain he has inside his chest.

“Twenty five”, he says. “I’ve painted twenty five of them”.

Jungkook is now all the way scooted closer to Taehyung, as close as he can without invading his personal space. He still doesn’t look completely convinced, and Taehyung truly doesn’t blame him. But Jungkook looks sad, too kind not to feel sympathy towards Taehyung's pained expression. 

“Hyung…”, he tries.

“I know. I know it’s hard to believe. I didn’t believe it either. Spent years trying to convince myself that it all had been just a dream. That none of that was true. Even though I was always afraid. Then one day I fell in love”, Taehyung says, voice wavering a little as the old, old would stings in his bruised heart. Jungkook lifts a hesitant hand and touches Taehyung's knee, squeezing it a little, comforting. Taehyung looks at him, the sight of the younger one’s face, scrunched in worry being enough to make him break a little, feeling tears start to fill his eyes. “I loved him so much, Jungkook. So so much. We were so happy. We made so many plans. But deep down I always had this feeling, I always wondered. So I tried. I painted him”. 

Taehyung pauses, staring at the distance, over the window into the city below them. He averts his eyes because he can feel the look on Jungkook's face, can feel how his breath hitches a little and how wistful his gaze becomes. Taehyung looks away because he knows that if his eyes meet Jungkook’s, he’s going to crumble. 

Still, he feels the need to carry on, to keep talking about his pain. He wants someone to know. He wants Jungkook to know.

“I didn’t know what was supposed to happen, I still don’t, but when nothing did, I just knew. Knew it wasn’t him. And I was so angry, so mad that this had to happen to me, to us. I tried to pretend like I didn’t know anything, like it didn’t matter, like it was all just a really bad and weird dream, but time went on. He started to age and I didn’t. By then I figured I had to stop pretending”.

“Hyung, I’m so sorry”, Jungkook said, squeezing Taehyung's knee just a little bit harder and there was no trace of uncertainty left on Jungkook’s face. He just looked pained and worried. 

It feels like Jungkook believes him. Even if just the littlest bit. But Taehyung takes it. He gladly takes it and sighs, feeling relieved despite the pain he feels in his chest.

“Yeah, I am too”, he answers. “I tried again, eventually. Kept my hopes up and kept looking. For love, I mean. I fell in love many many times. Not all of them deep enough for me to think they were the one, you know? But, still, I tried. I tried so many times, lost so many people. Eventually all this pain just became too much. I couldn’t bear to lose any more people I loved. I just lost hope altogether. Figured it would hurt less to live alone than to lose someone again”, he shrugs.

“And does it?”, Jungkook asks softly.

“What?”

“Does it hurt any less?”

Taehyung is taken by surprise by the question. He inhales deeply and doesn’t have to think too much about it to know the answer. He also doesn’t second guess telling Jungkook the truth, there’s no point in hiding it now.

“No. It hurts just the same”, he lowers his eyes again, speaking so quietly it’s barely a whisper. “Maybe it hurts even more”.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

For the rest of the night, Taehyung just sits on Jungkook’s blue couch, petting Gureum soft la and answering Jungkook's every question. And he has lots of it.

It’s easy, the conversation between the two of them. And it is so unbelievably good to finally tell someone about this, it has been so long since Taehyung last did so. It feels comforting. He missed having someone to talk to, someone to lean on and Jungkook just proves more and more over time that he’s the right person for that. For being his friend. 

So, for now, Taehyung lets go of all his worries and agonies about the future. He forces himself to keep both his mind and his heart grounded on the present. And right now he’s back at his apartment, standing right in front of his studio’s door. Jungkook looms behind him and tries not to seem too eager as he peaks over Taehyung’s shoulders.

Taehyung thinks it over one last time. It was his suggestion after all. He was the one who offered to show Jungkook the portraits he keeps on the locker and the new ones he’s working on. The blue ones. 

Now they’re standing at the door and his heart is racing. He wonders if he really should show Jungkook all of this. This very important part of who he is and what his soul is built of. But eventually he figures it may not be the right thing, but it’s what his heart is telling him to do. So, albeit trembling and a bit afraid, he does it.

He leads Jungkook through the dark room and lights on the lamp on the corner, touches a few leaves of the plant closest to him as he gathers the courage to walk up to the closet. Jungkook never once pressures him. He just patiently waits there, eyes trained on the shelf besides Taehyung, analyzing every brush and paint tube scattered there.

They stay like that for a while, wrapped around a silence that, slowly, becomes a little too heavy for Taehyung. 

“Hyung, it’s okay if you don’t want to show me right now”, Jungkook says softly, as if he was reading Taehyung’s mind.

“Jungkook… I’m sorry. I thought I could. I thought it would be fine, but it’s just…”, he trails of.

“I know. It’s too much for now. I understand it, hyung. I really do. Don’t worry”. 

The little smile on Jungkook’s pressed lips is enough to make Taehyung relax a little. He thanks Jungkook for being patient with him and then gestures for Jungkook to come closer as he starts talking about all the art supplies on the shelf Jungkook was looking at before. 

Jungkook listens eagerly to everything Taehyung has to say, with his face taken by an admiration look that closely resembles a child’s. 

Taehyung then shows him some of his other paintings, his other work. Some still a bit personal, but not enough to scare him that much. There’s the landscape of his childhood home, the view he had in the window of his studio in one of his previous homes and a sunset he painted as he sat at the beach close to the person he last painted a portrait of. The last time he fell in love. The last time he was sure of it, anyways. 

There are piles and piles of his work. Endless canvases stacked up and mountains of sketchbooks and loose paper. All the things he created over the years and could never let go of, moving them around with him every time he started another new life elsewhere. In some ways, this was all he had to keep him company. 

And then there’s the recent portion of his work. 

There’s the sun peeking through the window of his living room, there’s a soft and messy outline of Gureum laying on the balcony — which Jungkook finds impossibly adorable — and there are innumerous renditions of the bridge Taehyung loves so much. The latest one of them, however, seems much brighter than the others, even though it’s drawn in the gray of the pencil. Jungkook doesn’t go past that. 

“Taehyung-ssi…”, Jungkook starts. “You said this one was the last you’d drawn, right?”

“Yeah it was”, he sighs, his mind taking him right back to the day he drew that, to the person he was there with.

“What changed?”, Jungkook asks, still intently focused on the drawing he’s looking at. 

“What do you mean?”, Taehyung feigns obliviousness, knowing full well what Jungkook is talking about but asking just to buy himself some time.

“Between this and the previous ones, what changed? The place is still the same, but here”, he points at the drawing. “here everything just feels lighter. I don’t know, maybe happier I guess”.

“Yeah, i-it does”, he stutters, not really sure of what to say. 

Jungkook waits for a response until he realizes he’s not really getting one and then he looks up, smiling softly at a confused Taehyung.

“It changed. And it's the same place. So if the place didn’t change, maybe you did, hyung. Maybe something made you change”, Jungkook says.

Taehyung meets his eyes, feels like crying. 

He nods, knowing exactly what it was, even if he tries his best to deny it. He nods and blinks, trying to keep his tears from falling again as he thinks back to him . 

He nods and then says, very very quietly. “ Someone ”. 

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The next few days go by so fast Taehyung can barely keep up with how his life seems to change completely. The usually lonely days are now filled with Jungkook and Gureum keeping him company. Ever since they talked, really talked , there’s not a day that goes by without the younger knocking on his door. 

They went to take Gureum to the park one day, then on another they ordered pizza, eating as the weird TV show Jungkook managed to convince Taehyung they needed to watch played in the background. They talked a lot more, got to know each other and, one night, Taehyung even got to hang out with Jungkook’s friends. It was a completely terrifying experience and Taehyung could die given how anxious he was, but it felt good to just sit there and laugh with nice people. He didn’t talk much, but enjoyed the company nonetheless. 

He got so used to having company, in fact, that he now finds himself missing his friend. Ever since they talked, this is the first day Jungkook failed to knock on his door and Taehyung realizes he doesn’t like it. He felt a thousand times more lonely now that he's spent so much time with Jungkook. So, silencing all the annoying little voices telling him not to bother Jungkook with his insistence, Taehyung thinks he should reach out to the younger too, he should make an effort for their friendship as well.

He walks up to the kitchen a bottle of wine, grabbing it and walking to the door of his apartment as fast as he can before his mind takes him to the day he picked that exact bottle from the supermarket, from the person who told him to.

Part of the perks of having Jungkook around so much is the distraction he has to avoid thinking about the one person he should be thinking about. He wants to think about Jimin. Wants to sort out his feelings and think about what it means to accept what he has in his heart. For the first time in god knows how long, he finally feels like he could afford to be hopeful once again. But at the same time, he feels so scared, still. 

So he’s doing what he does best: shoving his thoughts and feelings all the way to the back of his mind and choosing not to face them right now. He’s being a coward, he knows that. But he just can’t bring himself to be brave enough right now. 

As he reaches Jungkook's door, he shakes his head, as if shaking unwanted thoughts away. Feeling a little shy, he knocks timidly on the door and waits for Jungkook. When the door slowly opens, however, he’s met with a boy who’s certainly not his friend. 

This boy is a little bit shorter, smaller and paler than Jungkook. He looks suspiciously at Taehyung, eyeing him up and down as he hides behind the door and pokes only his head out. 

“Yes?” the boy says when the silence between them extends for too long. 

“I, um…” Taehyung tries to say, suddenly feeling intimidated by the stranger. He sees as the boy’s sharp eyes narrow behind the shiny black mop of hair that falls over them. The boy sighs, frustrated, and keeps staring at Taehyung without saying a word. Taehyung feels a little nervous. This guy is at Jungkook’s apartment but he doesn't remember meeting him when he hung out with Jungkook’s friends. So, not only is he anxious, he is also a little worried for his friend. “W-well, where is Jungkook? Who are you?” he manages to ask.

“Who are you ?” the stranger retorts, opening the door a little more and crossing his arms, puffing his chest as if to make him seem more intimidating. It works.

“I’m Taehyung, Jungkook’s neighbor. Where is he?”

As soon as he’s finished with the question, it's like the stranger morphs into a completely different person. He swings the door open and flashes Taehyung with the biggest of smiles, uncrossing his arms and using his hand to fluff his own hair absentmindedly. 

“Ah, so you are the Taehyung I’m always hearing about. Nice to meet you, I’m Yoongi, Jungkook’s… friend”.

And then realization falls upon Taehyung. So the stranger is actually the Yoongi. He’s got to give it to Jungkook, the boy is, indeed, very cute.

Taehyung instantly relaxes, recalling all the times Jungkook’s told him about this cute senior in college he found really cool. Jungkook insisted he didn’t like the guy, but every time he would talk about him it was always with this glow in his eyes, pink cheeks and a bashful smile on his lips. 

“Nice to meet you too, Yoongi-ssi”, Taehyung smiles back at him, bowing politely as he does. “Jungkook has also told me a lot about you”.

Right then they hear a loud noise coming from the kitchen and in what seems like milliseconds, Jungkook comes up behind Yoongi at the door. 

“Oh, has he now?” Yoongi asks, a mischievous smile on his lips that could make him seem smug had he not been betrayed by how red his cheeks are as he looks beside him, asking the question more to Jungkook than to Taehyung himself.

Jungkook chokes a little and gives the saddest attempt at a confident smile Taehyung has ever seen. He stifles his laugh and looks down to his feet as Jungkook clears his throat. 

“So, um, hi hyung. What are you doing here?” Jungkook almost screams, shoving a grinning Yoongi behind him and placing his hand on the door frame, practically caging Yoongi away from Taehyung.

Now Taehyung can’t help but laugh at the pure desperation he sees in those big doe eyes in front of him. 

“I just wanted to see if you wanted to hang out. Thought we could drink a little and watch that boring show you like so much” he shrugs. “But I see you’re kinda... busy right now”, he smirks, looking past Jungkook’s shoulder to see a shy Yoongi standing behind him. 

Jungkook chokes a little again and the slight pink on his face intensifies to a dark red that spreads all the way to the tip of his ears. Still, when Jungkook talks to him, he sounds nothing but sincere.

“Oh, hyung, I’m sorry! I forgot to tell you. Yoongi hyung came over to, um, help me with a, um, with a project. Sorry”. 

Taehyung exchanges the smirk for a soft, fond smile as he places the bottle of wine on Jungkook’s hands and takes a step back from the door. “No, Kook, it’s okay! No need to apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry to keep hogging your time every day. I should’ve figured you would have school stuff to do. It's fine, really”.  

“Please, hyung, you know I like hanging out with you. You’re not hogging my time. It’s just that right now I’m…”

“Yeah, I know. Busy”, Taehyung says, wiggling his eyebrows and walking backwards a little, heading to the stairs.

“Hyung, oh my god!” Jungkook whisper-shouts, embarrassed, and Taehyung laughs. “Wait, Tae-hyung, your wine!” he shouts, but Taehyung is already turning his back on him and going down the first steps of the stairs. 

“No, you keep it. You guys could use it better than I can anyways. Have a nice night!”, he shouts and waves as he disappears through the stairs, still being able to catch the small groan Jungkook lets out as Yoongi laughs.

Taehyung is hit with the cold wind as soon as he steps out of his building, a cold he isn’t really dressed for. Still, he tucks his hands into the pockets on his thin coat and walks away. He figured he could at least walk around a little, everything to avoid being alone in his empty apartment right now. 

The streets are not as busy as they are during the day and the lights give everything a pretty glow that Taehyung has always loved. It makes the city so warm, even on cold nights like this. 

He wanders absentmindedly through the city, tipping his head back from time to time to look at the stars. His feet, however, come to a halt when he realizes where his absentminded wander took him. Taehyung sighs as he watches the water, now dancing to the deem silver light of the moon. 

The bridge is actually quite close to his house, he’s just surprised he walked here without seeming to realize it. He walks to his favorite spot and sits on the rail, sighing once again, resigned as he now can’t possibly avoid thinking about Jimin. Not even if he wanted to. Jimin took over all the memories Taehyung had of this place. But then again, ever since Taehyung met Jimin, he seemed to take over all of the thoughts on Taehyung's head. 

Like the coward he is, Taehyung has been avoiding Jimin ever since that day. He hasn’t even painted anything since then, not wanting to visit the art shop again. Not wanting to see Jimin. 

And it’s not like he doesn’t want to see Jimin. He really does. He misses running into him randomly, misses the way Jimin would look at him and smile at him. Misses feeling his heart race so fast every time he caught as much as a glimpse of the blond boy. 

It’s been so long since he felt like this. It feels so strange for him to miss someone. Well, someone who wasn’t gone, that is.

He tries as hard as he can to pretend not to understand the pang in his heart when he thinks about it. Tries to pretend he doesn’t know why he can’t seem to stop thinking about Jimin, why he longs for Jimin the way he does. 

But he knows very well he can try all he wants, can deny all he wants. There’s no escaping on how he feels.

He likes Jimin. He knows that and he has known it for a while. Maybe he had known it ever since the first time they ever met. But only now does he have the guts to admit it. Even if it’s just for himself.

I like him, I like him, I like him. He keeps repeating the sentence himself, in hopes that, if he says it enough, it will eventually stop being so scary. But it doesn’t. 

It’s still terrifying to have all those feelings. It’s terrifying to like someone, to think about them all the time, to have hope after all those years. 

It’s absolutely terrifying to feel  again. 

But for the first time in so many years, it hurts more to suppress those feelings and bury them on his chest, even if he’s still afraid. 

Even if the memories of the pain he’s left with when it all ends are still fresh in his mind.

It still hurts more thinking about letting Jimin go. 

He doesn’t want to let him go.

Taehyung suddenly sits up straight and widens his eyes. Having an epiphany all of a sudden. 

He doesn't want to let Jimin go.

Suddenly,  Jungkook’s question echoes in his mind.

“Does it hurt any less?” , he had asked. 

As a matter of fact, Taehyung now is aware that no, it doesn’t hurt less. It hurts more, so much more. 

Right now Taehyung is hurting. Hurting as if he’s lost Jimin already, because, in some way, he feels as if he did.

He likes Jimin and he just let him go. 

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot”, Tahyung says quietly to himself, shaking his head as he thinks about the way he ran away the last time he saw the one he longs for so much right now.

“Yeah, you kinda are”, he hears a soft voice coming from behind him, sounding just as small and quiet as he did.

And, as he turns around and is met with Jimin all tucked into his oversized hoodie, eyes puffy and hair poking out in every direction, smiling nervously at him, he thinks back to the dream he had all those years ago and what that woman said to him. He thinks about it and, for the first time in all of his life, he feels like she was wrong. 

Because the woman had said fate would not bring him and his soulmate together. But standing here, under the pretty moon and looking right into Jimin’s eyes, Taehyung is sure no one but fate could have united them like this.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The night is surprisingly quiet and still cold, although Taehyunf feels considerably warmer now that he’s sitting next to a certain blond boy. Their legs dangle from the rail and they stare ahead, looking into the water as if it held all the answers they’re looking for. Jimin has been silent ever since he sat down on the rail beside Taehyung and Taehyung has yet to find the right words to start explaining everything he has to.

He should start with an apology, he knows that much. But his heart is beating like crazy inside his chest and he’s terrified of ruining the last chance he has of making things right with Jimin, if he even has any chance left. 

He’s so caught up in organizing his thoughts that he startles a little when Jimin breaks the silence between them.

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” he asks, quietly, not meeting Taehyung’s eyes.

“What?” Taehyung frowns, confused by the question. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know I…” Jimin trails off, sighing before turning to Taehyung and finally looking into his eyes. “I feel like maybe I read the signs wrong and I pushed myself too much when we-- I mean I , when I k-kissed you” he tears his gaze away from Taehyung again, blushing as he stares at his fidgeting hands resting on his lap. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you first so we were on the same page. It’s just… I kinda like you and I thought you maybe kinda liked me too. But now that I think about it I see it was just me wishful thinking and I feel like I scared you, you didn’t even take your stuff with you that day and you haven’t come back to the shop ever since, so I’m sorry” Jimin pouts and Taehyung’s heart breaks a little. He’s about to interject and tell Jimin he got it all wrong but Jimin is not done yet and resumes talking. “B-but the way you, um… the way you left really disturbed me, Taehyung. You left without saying a word and I’ve been out of my mind thinking of all the ways I might’ve upset you. I know I scared you but you could have told me, you know? You could have talked to me. I would’ve understood”. By the time Jimin finishes talking, his voice is barely a whisper and Taehyung feels his heart run cold with the guilt that emerges and takes him over.

Taehyung shakes his head and reaches for Jimin’s hands, holding his smaller palms into his own. He stays silent and waits until Jimin looks up and meets his eyes. He needs Jimin to look into his eyes so he can understand how sincere he is. He needs, desperately, for Jimin to believe him.

“Jimin, I’m so sorry” he starts, earning a confused frown from the one beside him. “You didn’t read any signs wrong. I actually do like you” I like you a lot , he doesn’t say. He offers a small smile as Jimin’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Y-you do?” Jimin asks, trying to sound nonchalant but being betrayed by the subtle quiver of his voice and the soft pink dusting his moonlit cheeks.

“Yeah, I do” Taehyung almost whispers and squeezes Jimin’s hands a little tighter. “I wanted to kiss you too. Wanted you to kiss me, but I’m…. I was scared” he confesses, and Jimin pouts, probably misunderstanding the kind of ‘scared’ he’s talking about. But Taehyung doesn’t want any more misunderstandings between them so, since he’s opening his heart, he guesses he might as well be honest about everything else at once. “When we kissed... you have no idea how scared I was of everything I felt”. 

At that, Jimin gasps a little, his hands finally holding Taehyung’s hands back, gripping them tightly. His lips part and his big wide eyes twinkle more than Taehyung has ever seen, giving the stars in the night sky a run for their money. 

“I thought you-- thought I scared you off. Thought maybe I was too intense. Now that you’re telling me how you felt I’m just… I’m happy. I’m really happy because you seem to have felt the way I did too”, Jimin says quietly, eyes avoiding Taehyung’s gaze but fingers slowly intertwining with his. “But there’s one thing I still don’t understand. I still don’t get why you just ran away like that. You seemed terrified of me, Tae”, Taehyung smiles faintly at the nickname that, not that long ago, made him panic with all the implications it held. He squeezes Jimin’s hand once again and tries to get rid of the heavy feeling on his chest that comes with the thought of having to tell Jimin the rest of his explanation.

“I was terrified, but not of you. Never of you. I was scared of what meant to feel all those things I was feeling, I didn’t really understand what it all was” he says, honestly.

“But now you do?” Jimin asks, voice trembling and eyes glistening with hope.

“Now I do”, Taehyung smiles and sighs.

“And are you still scared?”

“I am”, he answers with honesty.

“Why?”

And that’s it. That’s the moment Taehyung has dreaded the most. He has to tell Jimin about the curse, has to explain the whirlwind of sorrow that is his life and just desperately hope for Jimin to believe him. He suddenly feels very nervous, a slight shake taking over his hands. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Jimin, who just frowns in concern and tugs their intertwined fingers until their hands are resting on his lap. “What is it? You can tell me”, he whispers, as if afraid of scaring Taehyung even further if he speaks any louder.

“Jimin, I...” he trails off, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before turning his gaze back to Jimin’s worried eyes. “I know I have no right to ask you this because I haven’t exactly been giving you any reason to but– if I asked you to trust me, would you?”

“Tae, I don’t--”

“I know, I know”, he cuts the other off. “Blind trust is a lot to ask. I just… It’s a really complicated situation and after I tell you what I have to tell you, you might think I’m insane. But I just really, really need you to believe me. Please”, he pleads. He’s aware of how his whole body is shaking now, how his throat feels like it’s closing and how his hands get clammy with the layer of nervous sweat. He feels entirely consumed by that anxious feeling that always sits on the back of his head, that fear he always carries around with him. But this time he fears something else entirely. He’s no longer afraid of giving in to the feelings he has for Jimin, he’s just scared of losing him. 

Now that he understands what he feels and the extent to where these feelings go, he’s scared. All those years not allowing himself to harbour such feelings inside his heart and now he finally feels as if fate has, at last, showed him a sign of mercy. For the first time in forever Taehyung is not afraid to love, to let himself be loved because he finally feels like his heart is exactly where it needs to be. 

Like his soul finally found the path where it's supposed to go. 

And looking at the blonde boy, expectantly staring at him with a hold on his hand that feels like love, happiness and freedom all at the same time, Taehyung is more certain than he ever was before that this path leads him to Jimin.

That’s why he’s so scared of losing what he just now understands he’s found.

Probably being able to sense the desperation in Taehyung, or seeing it in his eyes, Jimin nods. He still doesn’t seem to trust Taehyung entirely but this first leap of faith is enough for right now. Jimin cares enough to at least give him a chance, so Taehyung holds onto that and hops off the rail. He looks up at Jimin and offers him his hand to help him get down too. 

“I have something I want to show you. Come with me?”, he asks, carefully. 

Jimin nods again and takes his hand, trailing beside him as they walk back to Taehyung’s apartment. 

They don’t talk much, too caught up in their own thoughts and surrounded by the cold winds of the night. When they reach Taehyung’s building, Jimin eyes him a little nervously, unsure of what to do. Taehyung just smiles at him, looks him in the eye and extends his hand once more, giving him a choice of what to do next.

‘Come with me. Trust me, please’, is what he’s saying. ‘Take my hand. Let me open up to you.

A few seconds pass by until Jimin tentatively takes Taehyung’s hand again, still looking uncertain. Taehyung smiles big, heart going crazy at yet another display of trust from Jimin. He beams. 

“Thank you” he whispers.

They quietly go up the stairs and Taehyung feels blissfully content as he gets ready to go to that old same locked closet and grab that same old box once again. 

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The room is so quiet Taehyung can almost hear his own heart pounding mercilessly against his ribcage. Jimin looks through all the same photos and letters and papers Jungkook went through not that long ago and Taehyung tries to read the look on his face in search of anything that may suggest how Jimin is feeling. If he’s angry, if he’s scared or even if he's indifferent to what he's seeing. Taehyung just wants to know. But Jimin only seems to be concentrating hard on everything in front of him, studying everything thoroughly, with an adorable frown and his lips jutting in a pout that Taehyung would consider the cutest thing he’s ever seen if he wasn’t about to lose his mind wanting for a reaction from the blond boy. 

Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Jimin reaches the bottom of the box and looks at the last photo, studying it intently before lowering the wooden frame and turning his gaze back to a nervous Taehyung. 

“So” he starts, hesitantly. “You’re telling me that you’re three hundred and twenty four years old…”

“Yes” Taehyung blurts out, quickly, confirming once again what he just now finished telling Jimin.

“…and that you were cursed by a mysterious woman in a dream…”

“Yes”

“…and to be free of said curse you have to find your soulmate and paint a portrait of said soulmate…”

“Yes”

“…and you believe I could be the one you’ve been looking for?” This part comes out more as a question than a statement, as if Jimin isn’t sure he heard Taehyung right. 

Taehyung is well aware that all of this sounds completely insane. Hell, he was aware of that just a few days ago when he told Jungkook the same thing. At the time, he felt desperate for Jungkook to believe him. Felt like he would give anything in the world to have Jungkook believing all the nonsense Taehyung was dumping on him all at once. At that moment, he was the loneliest he'd ever been in his whole entire life and just needed someone to believe him, even with all the implications the future held, he just wanted company. And Taehyung thought that was the most he’d ever wished for someone to believe his words. He really did. But now, as he looks deep into the eyes of the boy who seems to have captured his heart and soul since the very first time they looked at each other, he realizes all that urgency he felt doesn’t come quite close as the one he feels right now. 

“Listen, Jimin” he starts, voice barely above a whisper and hands shaking as he hugs himself tightly. “I know you might think I’m crazy. I've had this same conversation not long ago with Jungkook, my neighb- my friend and he thought I was joking, thought I was making fun of him” he sighs and looks down to the floor. “And I understand that. I really do. I know how much I’m asking for when I ask you to believe me. But somehow I got Jungkook to believe me, so I think you could also— why are you laughing?” Taehyung stops his rant when he sees the way Jimin’s poorly holding his laughter behind his small hand.

He shakes his head and smiles, as in disbelief. Taehyung feels his heart shatter at the reaction. Jimin chuckles one more time and sighs, looking at Taehyung with a fond look in his eyes. “My grandma must be so happy right now, wherever she is” he simply says.

“What?” Taehyung asks, confused by the sudden change of subject.

“You know, Taehyung, you’re really lucky my family has its fair share of crazy people” he smiles. “We’re not actually your typical family, some of my relatives have very different beliefs than what is normally accepted. My grandma was one of those people. She passed a few years ago” Taehyung frowns, worried, but Jimin only shakes his head, his smile never wavering, just turning the tiniest bit sad. “She was a very eccentric woman. Never gave a damn about what anyone had to say and just lived her life as she pleased. I loved that about her, I still do. She was also one of those people that you can call a true believer. She refused to deny anything unless she had proof to do so. That was another thing that made her so special” Jimin says, his eyes staring at the wall behind Taehyung, as if he was lost in the memories of the woman he clearly held so dearly to his heart. 

“Jimin, I… I’m not sure I’m following” Taehyung adds timidly and Jimin laughs. 

“The point is, she believed in a lot of things. And she used to try and pass all those beliefs onto me. There was one story, though, she was very adamant about me believing. The story of how her grandma and her grandpa met. And— God, I can’t even believe this” he chuckles and looks up, smiling. “It sounds a whole lot like everything you just told me”.

“What?” is what Taehyung asks again, dumbly, eyes wide and mouth wide open with the shock.

“Apparently her grandmother was also an artist, she was a sculptor. She lived for six centuries and my grandma told me she reached a point where almost went crazy sculpting busts. She tried to make one of nearly every single person she met, because she was so desperate to be free of this curse and that was the only way to do so. When she met my grandma’s grandpa she was growing tired of trying but still held her hopes up. He was a baker. They met by accident one day on a busy street and they always said it was love at first sight. My grandma would always tell me about this magical night where her grandma tried sculpting his face and suddenly the statue started to glow. She told me that’s when her grandmother knew it was him”.

“Jimin, is this… are you trying to mock me?” Taehyung asked when suddenly all the excitement he felt hearing this story turned into sadness as he realized this was just too much of a coincidence to be true. He searched for Jimin’s eyes and poured onto his own all the emotions he was feeling, trying to convey the seriousness of the situation. “Because, if you are, this is really not funny” he said, his voice coming out all watery and choked.

“No!” Jimin screamed, waving his hands and coming closer to Taehyung, smiling softly. “Tae, I’m really not. I swear this is all true. I mean, I never believed her when she told me this. It seemed like a really good tale to tell the kids” Jimin shrugs. “But her grandparents went on to live a very happy life, they had five kids and all of them turned out to be a little like my grandmother: believers. That kinda went on to pass through generations of my family and I figured that this was just my grandma trying to make me a little bit like them” he says, honestly, before letting out a little laugh. “I remember when I was fourteen I told her I wanted to be an artist. She looked at me with the saddest smile and that was one of the only times I ever saw her concerned. It was the first time she told me that story and she also told me to be careful. She said that this curse was only brought upon artists because their souls were always a little tortured to begin with, that this was a burden that was up to them to carry.” At this, he smiles wistfully and reaches for Taehyung’s hands, caging them between his own. “At the time, I just nodded and told her I would be wary of my dreams, that I would be careful not to let this happen to me, and then she said something I was so quick to dismiss all those years ago but that now just makes so much sense” he sighs again, the smile on his face coming down to just a slight twist of his lips. “She said ‘Oh my sweet child, you have to be prepared for this curse, but it's not your soul I’m worried about. It’s the soul that is drawn to yours I’m concerned with’. Now I understand. I think she was worried because she knew I didn’t believe her. She was worried I was going to let my soulmate down”.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. Because he also understands what Jimin is trying to say.

“I wish I had believed her before,” Jimin says, a little defeated. “And I wish I could tell her that she was right all along. She was right in believing and she was right about everything else. I believe her now”.

“So, you believe me, then?” Taehyung half affirms, half asks. 

“I do”. 

Taehyung sighs, letting go of the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He feels his vision turn blurry with the tears burning in his eyes. The relief washing over his body in waves almost strong enough to knock him down to the ground.

“I’m so sorry this all happened to you, Tae. I’m sorry you had to suffer so much. Now I know why I can see so much pain in your eyes. I can’t even imagine how much you must’ve been hurting all this time.” Jimin says, earnestly, gaze wistful as he raises one of his hands to cup Taehyung’s cheek. “And I know I can’t erase your past or promise you a perfect future, but I’m here now”. 

At that, time seems to stand still in the little universe they created in that living room. Taehyung’s breath hitches on his throat and the only thing he can’t bring himself to do is nod, hoping that it is enough for Jimin to understand the multitude of things he’s trying to say. And it seems like he does. Of course he does. Because suddenly Jimin is surging forward and interlocking his arms around Taehyung's neck. Standing impossibly closer, he whispers into Taehyung’s ear. “And If you’re right, if I really am the one, I want to make you happy, if you let me”.

Then the whole world seems to go silent and the only thing Taehyung feels apart from the boy in his arms, is the single tear that streams down his cheek the moment Jimin’s lips meet his.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

“So you told him?”

“Yeah”

“And he didn’t think you were crazy?” Jungkook asks, eyes squinted suspiciously.

Taehyung just shakes his head as a soft, lazy smile spreads across his face. He feels happy talking about it. Feels happy just remembering everything that happened the night before. He internally cursed Jungkook when he rang the doorbell and woke him up early in the morning. Having slept so little the past night he still felt exhausted. But now, talking about this, he’s glad the younger came. He’s glad Jungkook is here and he’s glad Jungkook is his friend and he gets to tell someone about Jimin, because he feels like being able to talk about this makes it finally seem real.

“Wow” Jungkook says, smiling as well. “I’m just happy he didn’t just, I don’t know, turn and run away from you”. 

“Yeah, no, he didn’t” Taehyung says softly, chuckling quite still in disbelief himself. “In fact… he’s still here” he shrugs as he casually lets out the information, reveling in the way Jungkook’s eyes widen comically as he does so.

“He stayed the night?!” Jungkook shouts and Taehyung is quick to shush him, worried he might wake Jimin up. “Sorry, hyung. Sorry. It’s just- wow. So, did you guys…?”

Taehyung smiled, feeling his cheeks heat up a little but also terribly endeared at Jungkook’s own bashfulness to talk about the subject. He’s about to answer when they hear the sound of lazy feet waddling their way to the kitchen. They fall silent as Jimin’s sleepy figure emerges from the hallway, hair disheveled, Tahyung’s clothes hanging loose on his small frame and little fists rubbing against his sleep-swollen eyes. 

“Morning- Oh.” he says, voice still a little hoarse, stopping on his tracks when he finally spots Jungkook leaning on the kitchen counter. Then he smiles wide, walks closer, bows a little and looks back at the younger boy. “I’m Jimin. You must be Jungkook, it’s nice to meet you”. 

“I’m- I- Yeah. Jungkook, yes” he says nervously and then proceeds to do a full ninety degree bow. “Very nice to meet you Jimin-ssi”.

“Oh my god, Tae, he’s so cute” Jimin chirps, holding tightly onto Taehyung’s arm. “But no need for those formalities, Jungkook. Just 'hyung' is fine”.

Jungkook blushes but offers Jimin one of his small smiles. “Okay then, hyung” he says happily and waits until Jimin walks away to look at Taehyung and show him two thumbs up with an awed expression on his face. “Well hyungs, I have a lot of school work to do today so I’ll go ahead and get to it”.

“Ah, so soon?” Jimin comes back, pouting as he draws back closer to them and joins Taehyung at walking Jungkook to the door. 

“Yeah, I better let you guys enjoy your morning” he says, nonchalantly and Taehyung mentally curses as he can almost immediately tell what Jungkook’s gonna say next. “Since we all know you enjoyed your night very well". 

Taehyung chokes on his own saliva and just opens the door, mortified, shoving Jungkook through it, burning red as both Jungkook and Jimin explode in a fit of laughter. 

“Bye, Jungkook!”, he says exasperated.

“Payback is a bitch, hyung! You know you deserve it” Jungkook struggles to say through his laughter. “But I’ll go now. See ya” he says and proceeds to disappear back inside his own apartment. 

“Brat” Taehyung says under his breath, still facing the door, petrified from embarrassment. 

Then he feels a pair of arms circling around his waist and feels the warmth of Jimin’s chest pressing against his back. He feels more than he hears the low chuckle Jimin lets out before coming even closer and pressing his lips softly to the sensitive skin on the back of Taehyung’s neck.

It’s almost instinctive the way he feels himself relax under Jimin’s touch. 

“I like him. He seems fun”

Taehyung just huffs, feigning annoyance as Jimin makes him turn inside his arms. 

“Good morning again”, Jimin says with a small smile and every other feeling Taehyung had inside him just melts, giving way to Jimin and Jimin only. Nothing but him clogging up his senses.

“Good morning”, he says, a lazy smile overtaking his face just as the warmest of feelings overtakes his chest. 

The smile Jimin gives him in return is almost blinding and Taehyung loves nothing more than to be this close to watch as Jimin’s face morphs entirely when he does so. It’s as if his whole being is smiling and glowing with happiness. If Taehyung could look into the eyes squeezed by Jimin’s full cheeks, he’s sure he would find them sparkling like they always do. Just the thought of him being the one to make Jimin this happy makes his heart jump inside his chest. But even so, even being so happy himself, there’s still the faintest hint of fear on the back of his mind. The slight apprehension that brings the familiar voice to whisper to him every single thing that can go bad if he’s wrong again. 

His smile drops a little and Jimin must sense the change in his demeanour because he is quick to pull back a little and cradle Taehyung’s face on both of his hands, searching for his eyes with a soft worried frown etched on his expression. “Is everything okay, Tae?”

Taehyung sighs and nods, smiling softly and surging forward a little to briefly catch Jimin’s lips with his own. “Everything’s good, Jimin-ah. Just… a little worried”, he says, thinking it’s best if he’s honest with his feelings and open with Jimin. 

Jimin hums and nods in understanding and pulls Taehyung impossibly closer, carding his cheeks with both his thumbs and looking at him with the fondest of looks in his eyes. He leans in and leaves a kiss on the tip of Taehyung’s nose, then another one on his cheeks. He kisses his forehead, his eyes, his jawline, the corner of his lips, kisses every inch of Taehyung’s face slowly and adoringly and that makes Taehyung feel so, so cherished. 

“Everything’s gonna be fine. I can just feel it. Can’t you feel it too?” Jimin whispers, lips brushing Taehyung’s with every word he lets out. 

“Yeah… yeah I can”, Taehyung says because he really believes he can. He likes Jimin so much and Jimin makes him feel so good that he just wants to believe. 

“Then there’s nothing to worry about, okay? I’m here and you’re here and we both feel the same. That’s all that matters right?” Jimin asks, voice still low and eyes holding all the hope in the world. Hope enough for the both of them. 

Taehyung smiles.

He lowers his hands to Jimin’s waist and pulls him back to close the distance between them once more. They kiss slowly, just a gentle brush of lips and the sweet taste of their tongues sliding against each other. It's a kiss that’s soft but deep, loaded with so many feelings and emotions that can finally be let out to the world. It’s a kiss full of longing, full of all the yearning they went through ever since they met. It’s a kiss that makes Taehyung’s heart feel like it’s bursting at the seams, so he pours into it all of the feelings that threaten to explode in his chest.

Jimin sighs into the kiss and breaks into a wide smile, making Taehyung smile as well. He nuzzles Taehyung’s cheek softly and leaves a little peck there. “What was that for?” he asks playfully. 

“Nothing. I’m just really happy right now” Taehyung smiles, carding his fingers through Jimin’s messy hair. “And really really glad I’ve found you”

“Well, I’m glad I found you too” Jimin says, his smile never wavering. “Even if the stupid universe didn’t want us to meet, I’m glad we did it on our own”. 

At that Taehyung chuckles, pulling Jimin closer to wrap his arms around him and whisper in his ear. “We might not have had any help to get here, that’s true. But you’re wrong about one thing. The universe never not wanted us to meet. Whatever the reason it had to make me wait so long, it only did so because it knew I had to wait for you” he says, feeling breathless and so incredibly happy watching the way Jimin mouth falls open and his eyes sparkle with wonder. “It had to be you, Jimin”.

And, in a heartbeat, they’re kissing again.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

"Jimin hyung, you’re cheating! It’s not fair” Jungkook whines, throwing himself sideways on top of Jimin from where they sit on the ground in front of the TV, playing a game Taehyung doesn’t even try to pretend he can understand. Jimin is practically laying on the floor, laughing so hard he can barely keep his eyes open while still trying — albeit unsuccessfully — to shrug Jungkook off him. 

“It’s not cheating if I’m just using a different strategy. I’m just better than you. You’re being a baby because you’re a sore loser” he says through little giggles, purposefully brushing off Jungkook’s scandalized expression. 

“A strategy?” Jungkook screams, offended. “That’s a cheat code and you know it! And stop calling me a baby!”. That only makes Jimin explode in an even louder fit of laughter, his sweet voice echoing through the small apartment and bouncing off the walls all the way to Taehyung’s ears. 

He takes a look around his living room, the space so familiar to him with the same old furniture, the same walls covered in his artwork and the same worn down rug sprawled across the floor. Everything is still the same but at the same time it is all so incredibly different. It’s more in the sense of the feeling he gets looking around the room. Everything seemed lifeless before, dull and dark. Now everything’s changed. Or maybe he’s the one who’s changed. Because the things he can see when he glances over the whole space are the things he once — not long ago — feared the most. 

He sees happiness, he sees familiarity. He sees belonging . 

He sees belonging in the way Jungkook and Jimin are still bickering on the floor even if both of them are laughing now, comfortable with each other’s presence and at ease in the whole environment as well. He sees belonging in the way Yoongi sits right beside him, a beer in his hand and the fondest of looks in his eyes as he watches, completely enamoured, Jungkook’s every move. He sees belonging in the way Yoongi shakes his head and looks over at him, just pointing at the two boys on the floor, shrugging and sharing an accomplice look as if to say ‘what can we do about them, right?’. He sees belonging in the way Gureum naps quietly by his feet amidst all the chaos and the yelling, his little paws resting on Taehyung’s foot. 

He feels it more than he sees it. 

For the first time in a long long time, Taehyung looks around him and feels like he belongs somewhere. Here. 

But most of all, he feels belonging when he looks at Jimin, now fully concentrated in the game, squinting at the screen and pouting a little until he catches Taehyung staring and just looks back at him, smiling as if it is the first time they’ve looked at each other like that. Right then, Taehyung’s heart jumps inside his chest and, in the most cliche way possible, his stomach feels full of all the butterflies in the world. 

In the three months they’ve been together, Taehyung never once stopped reacting the same way every single time Jimin smiled at him like that. It makes him feel seen, makes him feel loved and it makes him feel like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be. 

Jimin then offers him one last look and urns back to the game. He just watches Jimin and Jungkook playing for a while, still completely lost as to what exactly is the point of the game. After a while, though, he gets bored of it and gets up to go to the kitchen and grab another bottle of wine. He’s coming back to the living room when one particular door, left a little ajar on the hallway,  catches his attention. 

Taehyung looks back at the living room, making sure everyone is distracted and then proceeds to walk tentatively to the room he’s been trying to avoid the past couple of months. He glances at the familiar mess that always overtakes the place and smiles to himself. It’s still the place where he feels the most comfortable in the world, even if he’s afraid to face it sometimes. 

He walks to the big window at the end of his studio and opens it fully, letting the air flow inside the room and casting the last of the sunlight over the whole space, a golden glow illuminating everything it touches, bathing all the artwork scattered around the room in a sparkle that almost brings it to life. Especially all the canvases carefully positioned on the wall directly opposed to the light. 

The collection of portraits — all finished now — sits on that corner of the studio. Twenty five canvases ranging in size and arranged almost like in chronological order, all on the floor, resting against the wall. Taehyung takes his time looking at every single detail in every single one of them. Feeling a whirlwind of emotions as he looks at all the faces that once made his heart beat a little faster, all the smiles that once promised him a forever that never came. At least not for them .

He stares into all the eyes, painted with the various shades of blue he so carefully chose. And, with all his heart, he silently thanks each and every one of those people for everything they ever did for him. For all the love they gave him, the same love that kept him going through all of these years. 

He looks at them, studies every face, reminisces in even the littlest aspects of them he has attached to each portrait. He started painting those as a way to try and mourn the loss of those he dearly missed, but throughout the process his motives changed. Or at least he realized what they truly always were. 

Taehyung painted all the people that once gave him hope and happiness and love, only that now he painted them how he truly wanted to remember them: smiling, happy. Every time he painted his past lovers, failing time after time on this impossible quest of his, he was left with a piece of art that brought him nothing but pain. This time he wanted to create something different, something beautiful and new, to bring back all the good things those people once made him feel. 

It’s been healing. Looking at his finished project now, he’s thankful for doing that. The pain he carries will never really go away, he thinks. But at least this helps him cope with it a little better. It helps him gain the courage he needs to move forward, to take the step he’s still too afraid to take. 

The empty canvas on the easel by the window stares at him, with all the grand impositions it holds in Taehyung’s life, and he looks from it back to the portraits to try and find the answer he needs to all the questions that blank canvas is asking him. 

What are you waiting for? 

If you’re so sure it’s him, why haven’t you tried it out yet? 

When are you gonna stop being afraid? 

He knows. He has all the answers to those questions but still… it’s hard. 

He’s been so happy, has been feeling so at ease with the pace his life is running at right now that his heart hurts with the mere thought of having that shattered once again. He looks at that same blank canvas and thinks about what it means to fill it with the last face he hopes to ever have to draw in a situation like this. Thinks about how quickly he can lose everything that he’s held so dearly the past months. 

Right next to his easel, in a small corner near the wall, stands another smaller easel, put there for Jimin, for all the mornings, afternoons and nights they’ve spent together in this room, each encaptured in their own work but rejoicing in each other’s company nonetheless. And looking at that particular corner, Taehyung thinks that just like that small easel easily found its way into his studio, Jimin also easily found his way into his life. 

Little by little, Jimin claimed his place in every part of Taehyung’s existence. He slowly left so many of his traces in Taehyung’s life that it became hard to even remember how it was like having no trace to follow. Now, if Taehyung ever felt lost, all he had to do was search for one of the little pieces of Jimin he had around him. Those pieces would always lead him to the same wide, bright smile and the same big, sparkly eyes. 

He felt like he finally found a path that led him to happiness after such a long journey of suffering, and maybe that’s exactly why he was so scared of finding himself alone again.

And it’s not like he didn’t believe he was right about Jimin. He wholeheartedly believed that this was it, that Jimin was the one. It couldn’t be any different if the way he felt was anything to go by. But old habits die hard and Taehyung couldn’t help but to be held hostage by the fear he still carried around, heavily rooted in his heart, by the very clear memory of the pain, by the weight held by all the what ifs. 

Still staring at the portraits, Taehyung sighed. He felt so tired. So incredibly exhausted by all the conflicting thoughts constantly running through his head. So sick of being held back by the things that scare him. 

‘‘ What’s the point in living in fear?’’ he thinks. 

It’s when he feels the first silent tear stream down his cheek that he feels an arm settling around his waist. Taehyung startles a little, too immersed in his thoughts to have noticed anyone approaching. 

“You okay, baby?” Jimin asks, leaning to leave a soft  kiss on Taehyung’s neck and resting his head on his shoulder. “You disappeared for a while, I got worried”. 

Taehyung nods, letting his head fall on top of Jimin’s and taking a deep breath. “Yeah, love, I am. I’m sorry. I just…” he tries, unable to find a way to explain what exactly he was doing here all this time. 

But Jimin understood him, he always did. He just had to follow Taehyung’s gaze that was still pierced on the empty canvas for realization to dawn upon him. 

“We don’t need to rush, Tae. You don’t have to worry about it that much” Jimin says, hand slowly caressing Taehyung’s side. 

Taehyung can’t help but to feel comforted by the gesture and by Jimin’s presence as a whole. He has been so incredibly patient these last few months, so supportive of Taehyung and of his pace with things. Never pushing, never pressuring him to be in a place he wasn’t ready to be just yet. Taehyung feels all the more lucky whenever he thinks about it.

But that’s also a reason as to why he feels so bad. Jimin’s been so good to him, so sure of the place Taehyung holds in his heart and Taehyung feels like he’s repaying him with an uncertainty that shouldn’t still be here. He feels like he’s failing Jimin, like he’s not showing him the blind trust he deserves.

It’s quite simple, really. All he has to do is paint Jimin’s portrait and end this damn curse once and for all. He’s sure it will work. But he’s just so scared. 

“I’m sorry” he says, voice watery and wavering, turning to look away, feeling too guilty to face the look of disappointment he’s sure he’ll find on Jimin’s face. He chokes a little on a tiny sob and that does the work to fully alert Jimin.

“What? Tae… baby, no. Why are you apologizing? Don’t cry, please” Jimin whispers, though a little desperately. He searches for Taehyung’s eyes and cradles his face with both hands, turning him until they are facing each other. He strokes the few silent tears away with his thumbs, brows furrowed with worry, staring silently at Taehyung until he seems to calm down a little. “Why are you upset, love? We’ve talked about this. You have to go on your own time, right? No rushing things. We’re fine, we can wait”.

“Jiminie… I don’t deserve you” Taehyung says, looking deep into Jimin’s eyes. “You’re so good to me, so perfect. I’m so sorry I haven’t been giving you what you deserve” he laments, lifting one of his hands to hold Jimin’s face as well.

“What are you talking about? You’re giving me everything I need” he says, firm but still sweet. 

Taehyung smiles a sad smile and shakes his head. Then he opens his heart a little more. “I feel like I’m not giving you my trust. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t believe in this, like I don’t believe in us. Because I do, baby. I believe in us so much. I believe in you ”.

“I know this, Tae. I know you do” Jimin says urgently, eyes wide and shiny. “I never felt like you didn’t trust me. I know you have as much faith in this as I do. But I also know how hard all of this is on you, how much time you’ve spent building walls around you. And I know it takes time to tear them down. That’s something you have to do on your own and at your own pace. I don’t want you to feel like you need to rush anything because of me. I’ll be here waiting for you for as long as it takes. I’m patient, you already know that. I just wish you could be patient with yourself as well” he says, slowly and clearly, making sure Taehyung listens and understands every single word. 

Taehyung just stares at him intently, eyes blurry and heart clenching inside his chest. “I love you so much” he says, pulling Jimin  impossibly close to a tight hug, feeling Jimin’s heartbeat, as hectic as his own, hammering on his chest as soon as they both hear the words Taehyung lets out for the first time. 

Jimin pulls back a little, eyes shiny and a soft smile on his lips. He looks deep in Taehyung’s eyes and whispers, voice low and small, even quieter given how loud his heart beats. “I love you too”. Taehyung smiles back and then cards his fingers through Jimin’s hair, long golden locks smoothly gliding between his fingers. 

“Thank you”, he says, scanning every piece of Jimin’s face, still completely mesmerized by all the ethereal beauty this boy holds. A beauty that is his to admire. Only his. “For being here, you know? For being so understanding of this. For staying . You really are much more than I deserve, Jimin. I can’t believe how lucky I am”.

Jimin shakes his head. 

“ I am the lucky one. I’m so lucky the universe chose me for you”. 

And that sends Taehyung’s poor heart into another fit of erratic beats. At this moment he feels so stupid. So incredibly dumb for behaving like a coward all this time. Here there is, right in front of him, the most perfect person he could’ve ever asked for, the sweetest most beautiful soul he has ever encountered and he’s been hiding behind his fears. He loves Jimin with his whole heart and he’s never been more sure in his life that Jimin is his forever. A forever that, for the first time, won’t be infinite. A forever that lasts just as long as the last beat of each of their hearts. 

He shifts a little, turning back to look at the blank canvas that still stares mercilessly at him. Suddenly he’s not so scared of it anymore.

“Jimin” he calls.

“What, baby?” 

“I think I’m ready”.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------

The silence between them is not uncomfortable by any means, but it is very loud. The only sound they can hear is the soft strokes of Taehyung’s brush touching the canvas. His hand is trembling a little and his heart is beating so fast he can hear it pulsing in his ears, but he swallows down the uncertainty and keeps going.

He looks up from the painting and glances at Jimin. He’s looking away, outside the window, and the look on his face could easily be mistaken as one of nonchalance, but Taehyung knows better. Jimin has the slightest frown on his brows and a small pout on his lips. If Taehyung looks closely enough, he can even see the way Jimin’s chest rises and falls rapidly, his breathing erratic. Jimin seems worried and tense, just like Taehyung feels right now. But when Jimin looks back at him, all he does is offer Taehyung a sweet smile. 

“H-how’s it going?” he asks, sounding nervous but hopeful still.

Taehyung gulps down nervously, taking a deep breath and trying his best at a reassuring smile before answering him. “I think it’s fine”.

“Do you feel any different? Less… I don’t know, immortal?” Jimin tries to joke.

Taehyung chuckles a little but he shakes his head anyways. “No, not yet”.

And that has him freaking out a little. Because he really doesn’t feel any different. He doesn’t know how this is supposed to go but he supposes he should feel something, anything at all to tell him that is it. That this portrait is the one. That Jimin is the one. But he doesn’t. And that scares him. 

Being wrong about Jimin is scary enough as it is, but never getting to know whether he’s right or not seems impossibly worse. What if he finishes the painting and still feels nothing? Does that mean Jimin’s not the one or does it only mean that there’s no way of knowing if this curse is finally gone for good? How can he tell?

The uncertainties are killing him. 

He tries, however, not to show any of those uncertainties to Jimin since the blond boy already seems nervous enough. 

Neither of them ever put any pressure on each other throughout these months, but all the implications of their relationship were always there. There has always been the weight of all the what if’s looming over the two of them.

Still, despite all the possible painful scenarios that are starting to haunt him, Taehyung carries on painting. He brings Jimin’s face to life coloring him in blues and yellows, making his features soft and bright at the same time. 

It’s beautiful, he thinks, just like Jimin. 

It’s also nearly finished. A couple details and Taehyung’s done.

And he still feels nothing. 

His hands are full on shaking as he reaches for the paint one last time and takes the brush back to the canvas. Jimin is looking at him expectantly and Taehyung’s heart is beating fast, already hurting with the fear of breaking again. 

By this point he is hopeless of anything happening right now, he’s prepared for the worst already. 

But it’s when he puts the last of the final touches, when he paints two little bright dots on the center of Jimin’s eyes that he feels it. 

It’s not something grand. Not some movie worthy moment. There are no sparks, no explosion of light, no perfectly timed thunder cutting the sky the exact moment he feels his reality shift.

There is no great announcement to let him know the curse is finally over. But he knows. 

Taehyung just knows. Just like that. 

Outside everything is the same, but inside him everything is running at a thousand miles a minute, as if his entire being is sensing the change and adjusting to it. His thoughts go by in his head so frantically that he feels dizzy. He has to take a step back and hold onto the little wooden bench behind him to keep from falling. He clutches his shirt right over his heart that beats fast as Taehyung has ever felt it. Suddenly his vision goes dark. Little snippets of his life flash by his eyes and he lets out a sob when he feels an overwhelming warmth coming up his chest. 

It’s almost unbearable. Taehyung feels like his chest is on fire, burning from the inside out. His heart feels like it’s about to explode with this strong tug he can’t quite name. But, just then,  his mind takes him in a whirlwind, spinning fast as he sees flashes of all of the people he was once in love with. He sees the moment they met, the first time they kissed, the moment he realized he was in love, the moment he painted their portrait and, also, the moment they parted ways. Taehyung, he can tell now, feels his chest blooming with so much love, all the love he has carried with him through all these years. He feels it like it’s the first time, one by one, the love he gave to every single one of those people piling up together and rushing over him so strongly Taehyung feels like he’s drowning in it. 

And then there’s Jimin. His mind takes a detailed route on every single moment Taehyung has spent with him. Shows him all the signs he once ignored of the universe telling him that Jimin was the one. That Jimin was the soul that belonged to his. He sees Jimin and the already overflowing feeling of love seems to finally tip over the edge and explode inside him. It’s too much. 

Taehyung stumbles forward as his knees give in and he barely has enough conscience to try and break the fall by leaning on his hands. When he hits the ground with a thud is when he hears Jimin’s soft but alarmed voice, and his vision starts to clear up. 

“Taehyung, please, talk to me, baby. What’s wrong?” Jimin says, already kneeling on the ground and cupping Taehyung’s face between his hands, looking all kinds of concerned.

Jimin waits and Taehyung tries to speak, but he doesn’t seem to find the strength to do so. He just shakes his head, feeling breathless and Jimin seems to understand, so he patiently waits until Taehyung can talk to him. He brushes Taehyung’s face with his thumbs, wiping away the tears Taehyung didn’t even realise were furiously streaming down his face. 

After a few minutes like this, Taehyung no longer feels dizzy and his heart is working its way back to its normal speed. He then leans back a little and pulls Jimin close to hug him tightly. 

“It’s you” he whispers, voice hoarse and wet. “It’s really you, Jimin”.

“What?” Jimin whispers back, so softly Taehyung is barely even able to hear it. “It… It is?” Taehyung nods, more tears pooling in his eyes. “How can you tell? 

“I don’t know, I just… I just know. My heart…” Taehyung takes a deep breath. “My heart, my head, everything inside me, everything tells me it’s over. It’s really over and it’s you. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all these years”. 

“And a-are you sure?” Jimin asks, voice still small as he sniffles, his lips trembling with the tears threatening to fall. 

“I am. I’ve never been so sure of anything my whole life” Taehyung chokes on a sob but his smile is growing so big he barely registers the crying anymore. Jimin smiles just as big and Taehyung pulls him closer again, taking his face between his hands and kissing him. He kisses Jimin with all the love and passion he feels burning in his heart. “Thank you”, he says when they break apart, his eyes earnest and so full of love as he looks deep into Jimin’s.

“What for?” Jimin asks, giggling and looking at Taehyung just as fondly. 

“For existing. For being patient, for trusting me. For being here”.

Then Jimin smiles, eyes turning into the most beautiful crescent moons. Taehyung doesn’t think he can ever get tired of those eyes. Of this smile. 

“Well, then I have to thank you too”, Jimin says playfully, tucking a loose strand of hair behind Taehyung’s ear. 

“What for?” Taehyung laughs, mimicking him but never letting go of the hold they have on each other at the moment.

“Thank you for being strong through all these years. Thank you for keeping your heart so pure and so full of love even with all the pain you had to carry with you. Thank you for allowing yourself to have hope again” he says, finishing each sentence with a soft kiss on Taehyung’s cheeks. “But, most of all, thank you for waiting for me”.

And just those six words are what it takes to leave Taehyung speechless. He doesn't know what he could say that could possibly convey the amount of love he feels right now. He couldn't possibly put into words the way Jimin makes him feel. He’s just so glad it’s him. So glad it’s Jimin. He’s so, so happy. So he just kisses him again. He kisses Jimin and pours into the kiss all of the things he can’t say but hopes Jimin understands. 

When they break apart they are the most beautiful mess Taehyung has ever seen, with swollen eyes, tear streaked cheeks and smiles so bright they could go blind just by looking at each other. They are far from perfect, but Taehyung wouldn’t change it for the world. Because he knows now.

All the pain, all the hardships he faced throughout his whole life. Everything led him to this place right here, inside Jimin’s arms, exactly where he needs to be.

----------------------- ≻ ❈ ≺ -----------------------