Chapter Text
NARRATOR: It's 2199. Apocalypse: now.
GAMILAS: Were in ur system bombin ur world. If you saw the English version, you called us the Gamilons. We are badass. Watch us score.
OKITA: I'm the first, last and only line of defense. If you saw the English version, my name was Captain Avatar and I sounded an awful lot like Casey Kasem.
KODAI: I'm the hotshot kid whose whole family has now been zapped by Gamilas. If you saw the English version, I was just as trigger-happy but my name was Derek Wildstar.
SHIMA: I'm Kodai's better half. No, srsly. If you saw the English version, I was Mark Venture, the Hoban Washburne of anime.
AUDIENCE: Who?
SASHA: Wheeeeee! Ooooh, pretty planets! All blue and green and red and red and - *CRASH*
KODAI & SHIMA: WTF?
SHIMA: I hate it when a hot chick gets killed off.
KODAI: Heeeey, I wonder what's on this capsule of hers? *snicker*
GAMILAS: *pwnz Earth fleet*
MAMORU: HARDCOOOOORE!!!! *kaboom*
OKITA: You poor bastard. I'ma go monologue about Earth now to mourn you.
KODAI & SHIMA: Road trip!
YUKI: I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Matsumoto.
KODAI & SHIMA: o_O
YUKI: Hi, guys. If you saw the English version, I was Nova, the cute jill-of-all-trades.
KODAI & SHIMA: DIIIIIIBS!!!!!
DR. SADO: *hic* I'm the *hic* brilliant doctor. Want some sake? *hic* Oh yeah, if you saw the English version, I was Dr. Sane and it was spring water. *hic*
ANALYZER: Just call me R2-D2. Or, if you saw the English version, IQ-9. Either way I really want to jump Yuki's bones. ^_^
AUDIENCE: Oh, great. TMI.
STARSHA: Hi, Earth. I'm Starsha. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to leave all you love behind, fly 148,000 light-years to Iscandar, endure danger lurking around every corner, blow stuff up, get yourselves all shot to….oh, crap, I'm giving away too much story already. Oh, and here, have some blueprints.
OKITA & EDF COMMANDER: Oooooh. Ahhhhh. Special.
GAMILAS FIGHTER: Zoom.
KODAI: Hello. My name is Susumu Kodai. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.
EARTH FIGHTER: *coughcough*blugh*cough*
SHIMA: Damn Chevy radiator!
KODAI: *CRASH* Yep, saw this coming as soon as Detroit went bankrupt.
SHIMA: We are soooo busted.
KODAI: *climbs hill* OMGWTF?!?!
YAMATO: *snore*
NARRATOR: WAKE UP!!!! No time to lose, sleepy-bridge!
YAMATO: Aw, c'mon, just another five years? *hits snooze button*
NARRATOR: You've only got one before we're all toast.
YAMATO: Now he tells me. *snore*