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Grady’s world was filled with darkness.
Even though he lived in a society that depended on light, he’d always felt a darker nature pulling at his bones. It fueled his actions, sometimes taking hold of the control he had on himself. That darkness would burn. Like a fire of sorts.
Fire was something Grady was always afraid of.
But like the rest of his species, he fed it.
Sometimes the fire would flare, filling him up with righteous anger. With the raising of his voice, and the swing of his fist it would release, the feeling going as fast as it came.
Grady fed that fire, and when it burned, it left him with a bigger mess than he started with.
He remembered the weeks that led up to that night.
The fire that took a hold of him.
They knew.
Notes and signs and mysterious agents stalked his every moment of being. The fire was what kept them at bay. So, he tore up the notes, didn’t look for the signs, ignored the people, all because of the fire. That damn fire would be the death of him.
The ever-growing stress of going out in public, of having to avoid the Black Swan at all costs, it took a toll. He was scared. He was terrified.
His family even noticed after a while.
His girls.
Edaline and Jolie were both so good at emotions, something that blew him away. Small touches, words of concern, and tight smiles was what got him through the day. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t know how. Not anymore.
He wondered how it felt to be able to be free of that fire, that anger.
Grady wouldn’t know.
-
His fists were clenched, and his hands were shaking. A piece of paper torn to shreds sat in front of him. Taunting him with the words that it contained. Mocking that fire, the deep anger inside his chest.
Never.
He would never let that stupid light control him.
He had enough of the crystal towers and glaring eyes.
But even that couldn’t make him surrender to the dark. The rebels didn’t know what they were talking about, he thought, sweeping up the pieces of paper and throwing them away. They didn’t know him. He did. And he was an elf of honor. He was a husband, he was a father, and that was the thing that mattered.
Not the council.
Not the Black Swan.
Not his ability.
“Dad?”
Grady turned to see Jolie, looking at him with concern and pity. It was only then when he realized how hard he was gripping the table. He quickly let go, ignoring how his daughter’s gaze followed the small movement.
He tried for a small smile. “Hey kiddo, what’re you doing up?”
Jolie plopped down into the chair across from him with a sigh. “I don’t think you want to know.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Why would that be?”
“All-nighter.”
A surprised laugh broke from his chest. Grady moved over to where she was and planted a kiss on her forehead. “I pulled many of those during my Foxfire days, just don’t tell your mother.”
“Tell me what?” A voice asked, making them both jump.
Edaline stood in the doorway; her hair somehow meticulous even though she had only just woken up. Grady and Jolie looked back and forth at each other before bursting into laughter. Edaline’s face twisted in confusion but even she couldn’t help but smile at her family’s ridiculousness.
“I don’t think any of us have a consecutive sleep schedule,” Jolie said thoughtfully after she took a sip of Cinnacreme. Edaline simply shook her head disapprovingly.
Grady sighed contently, leaning his head against the back of the couch. The sun still hadn’t risen, yet the Ruewens were awake, chatting away as if this was a normal occurrence.
The deep stone in his chest was suddenly lifted. This was all he needed to be. Just a goofy dad and husband. Cracking jokes and taking care of his wife and daughter. The light of the moon shone through the windows, the dim light seeming unfit against the cheery mood in the living room.
Grady felt warm, but not because of the fire.
-
Grady always related himself to fire. But that night he felt cold. It was such an inexplicable feeling; he’d never felt it before. Half-convinced he was sick, he went up the stairs early, shivering under the blankets. He closed his eyes, wondering why simply existing was so terrible sometimes.
Edaline had come in a few minutes before, now deep into reading a book. She’d said something, but Grady hadn’t registered it fully. Something about Jolie.
A ring from a few rooms over disturbed his miserable musings. He groaned, rolling over dramatically.
Edaline looked up from her book, “I can get it.”
Grady shook his head. “It’s fine, I got it.” He stumbled out of bed, trudging past Jolie’s room, and flipping off the light. He opened his office door all the way, wondering who would be calling him at this hour.
He looked at his imparter, to see that he was receiving a hail from Alden.
Picking up the device, he groggily greeted his old friend through tired eyes and mused up hair. But this wasn’t a casual call.
“Grady, I need you and Edaline to come to Graymist immediately.”
All of the exhaustion melted off him, replaced with concern. “Has something happened?”
“Just get here,” he said, hanging up before Grady could question him further.
Those minutes ticked by, slower than Grady had thought possible. It felt like he was moving through tar, grabbing his coat and shoes, telling Edaline they had to get to Brant’s house, and franticly going up the stairs, Grady stopped.
Edaline was right behind him and ran into his back. Before she could speak, Grady whipped around, his eyes wide with realization.
“Where did you say Jolie was?”
Edaline’s eyes held so much panic in them that it made his stomach drop.
“She’s with Brant.”
-
Sometimes, Grady could only see small pieces of memories. With the hundreds of years that he’d experienced, Grady knew so many emotions. Small moments would stick out to him, colors and tiny details that would just stay in his memory forever.
It was the small point of contact of his hand in Edaline’s.
The smell of ash.
It wasn’t pleasant, like a campfire.
It was choking. The scent and taste flooded his nose and throat, making his eyes blur as he and Edaline sprinted towards where Graymist was.
But then it was the change of mood, the shock of his heart dropping in his chest. Edaline’s screams and sobs were muffled, and the only thing Grady could see was the charred remains of the house.
His wife clung to him, sobbing, and leaning on him for support. But he couldn’t feel it. His brain had suddenly left his mind, and he couldn’t think, he could barely feel. But the destruction was the fire.
That goddamn fire.
-
The first few days were like that. The numbness of shock that coated his bones. The only thing he could do was lay in bed, hoping it was all a dream, knowing that this was all just another nightmare of his. They always went like this; Edaline or Jolie would be hurt.
Hurt by him.
Edaline would sob and hold onto him, and he vaguely wondered why he wasn’t waking up. Why he couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness.
Why didn’t he wake up before the funeral? He wondered, as his hands shook and fought to bury the seed into the ground.
He was curious if this would be what her tree looked like when he woke up, he’d have to remember it. The way the trunk stood so practically, tall and proud, just like her. Blonde leaves—the same shade as her hair—protruded from the dark branches. Small aquamarine flowers bloomed in the trees, as graceful as she is.
He’d walk into her room sometimes, wondering when she’d just appear, and it’d all be okay again. He wondered when she could just come back, then Edaline could stop crying.
He would make sure that she’d be happy again. He would have his Jolie again.
He would help her with her homework. He’d get to do that again. She’d walk in the door with a big smile on her face, and he’d be able to take her to Atlantis.
He would silently slip out of the room with her to get away from Edaline’s parents.
He would be her dad.
But it never happened. He never woke up.
And Grady wished he knew why.
_
Edaline Ruewen was drowning.
She had been for the past sixteen years.
The only thing that she lived for was Grady. She’d get out of bed, she’d make breakfast, she’d take care of the animals, and she’d clean. But she couldn’t think.
No, thinking led to thinking about her.
And Edaline couldn’t do that.
Instead, she’d mindlessly do whatever tasks she needed to get done.
But today? Today Edaline was dead on her feet. She’d gotten very little sleep, and the fact that she needed this house to be perfect really didn’t help. Grady was out working with the animals. He’d said something about making sure that the animals “behaved for their guests,” but Edaline knew it was his own little way of trying to keep her safe.
He was such a dork sometimes.
A small smile crept its way up her face, and she paced the floor of the new bedroom. She straightened a book, pulled at the covers on the bed a bit, wiped off some imaginary dust from the desk. Whatever it took to delay the inevitable.
Finally, after what felt like an hour of wandering around the room and looking for something to clean, she strode out, deciding to prepare the mallowmelt. Mentally, she went over the information Alden had given them about the girl.
Sophie was her name, and she was twelve years old. She had blonde hair, brown eyes. Edaline’s throat caught with unshed tears. Jolie had always wanted brown eyes.
“Have you seen how pretty they are?” Jolie had commented when asked why. “They sparkle and glimmer like the earth. Or maybe Cinnacreme if you really wanted. But either way brown’s underrated. Especially when compared to blue,” Her nose crinkled, and Edaline had laughed. Shaking her head at Jolie as the small girl scowled.
Oh, how she missed her.
But Edaline somehow pushed that away.
That wasn’t fair. Because Sophie was coming—and Sophie wasn’t Jolie.
Muffled voices interrupted her thought process. She sighed, painting a tight smile on her face as she went down to greet her guest. Years of hosting parties could surely prepare her for this, couldn’t they?
But as soon as Edaline’s eyes landed on the girl who looked so small compared to Havenfield’s living room, the air left her lungs. Because she was wrong. In every small move she saw Jolie. Even the way that she nervously clutched a stuffed elephant, it made her want to cry.
But still she moved forward because that’s what Jolie would have wanted.
-
She was wrong again.
No matter how much Sophie reminded Edaline of Jolie, she was still so different. The way she walked, the way she carried herself. It was all so timid, and Edaline couldn’t really blame her. She’d just been told her whole life was a lie. But it seemed to be a habit, like this was years of practice, to avoid attention. Sophie kept her head down and kept to herself.
But instead of feeling empty, the house started feeling fuller, more vibrant.
Sophie’s laugh made Edaline’s chest explode with affection. She watched the way her husband fondly gazed at her, and she knew that Sophie was slowly becoming a part of them. A part of their lives.
Edaline realized that she was falling in love.
Maybe that wasn’t so bad, she mused, as Sophie flew into their arms, joyous tears rushing down her face. Edaline started smiling more too.
She started sleeping through the night.
And she was able to sit back and think. She couldn’t think about Jolie, not yet.
But she could think without her thoughts spiraling. And for the first time in sixteen years, Edaline Ruewen felt happy.
-
But good things only last so long. That’s what Edaline was starting to realize. She realized that Sophie was a dangerous thinker. Just like Jolie.
The curiosity that burned in her eyes made her too curious. Too eager to test things and see for herself what the world was about. It made Edaline anxious. Because combined with Sophie’s general clumsy nature, she was bound for a disaster sometime soon.
This time, Edaline was right.
Two people flashed onto Havenfield’s property one afternoon.
And the way that Sophie was leaning on Elwin, her skin pale and both of their eyes filled with a deep fear, Edaline knew.
She rushed over to her daughter, her panic growing as Elwin sat them down. It swelled and soon it was all that she could see. The terrorizing fear held her in place, and she’d made a mistake, she’d realized.
Because it was going to happen again.
She would let down her walls and love. She’d love this child with all of her heart. She’d raise her, and she wouldn’t get to grow up to see the world. Another one of her children would die. And as selfish as it was, Edaline couldn’t go through that again. So, she had to let go. And it was a painful thing to realize, she thought, as she handed Sophie her vibrantly colored elephant. Ella, that’s what she called it.
She could feel her heart shatter a little, as a quiet, “I love you guys,” filled the dark room.
In fact, she turned around, placing a gentle kiss on Sophie’s forehead.
“We love you too,” She whispered, willing her voice not to crack.
She couldn’t do it.
She just couldn’t. Because Edaline was selfish, but dammit maybe this girl was too much to give up. The thought of never seeing Sophie again made Edaline physically sick.
Don’t think.
-
But Edaline wasn’t done yet. Through a daze, she tried to help Grady with one of the creatures, but nothing could take her mind off Sophie, sleeping off nearly dying.
As if Edaline’s thoughts had summoned her, Sophie was there.
That dangerous girl, who lived on the edge was there. Trying to help them wrangle a wild creature merely hours after she’d almost died. But it wasn’t that. Edaline had turned her back for one second. A single minute, and when she turned back, there was fire.
No.
“Someone get some quicksnuff!” She yelled, the panic in her chest unraveling once again.
“Hold on, I know what I’m doing,” Sophie argued, her eyes glued to the beast, which had quieted. But Edaline refused to follow her gaze. She watched Sophie, like maybe if she was watching nothing bad would happen.
But even with the most restraint Edaline had, the sparks kept getting bigger, and closer and closer to Sophie until—it wasn’t Sophie anymore.
The determination set into her frame, the wild blonde hair, and the stubbornness set into her turquoise eyes, it was all Jolie.
Edaline drew in a shaky breathe, and time seemed to stop around her.
Because it was happening all over again. But this time, Edaline had to watch. She had to watch her daughter die. She had to go through all of it again.
No, she wouldn’t let that happen.
And then she was moving. Quickly Edaline snatched Jolie away from the flickering flames, taking her by the shoulders, her hands shaking, her eyes frantic. She could have died.
She had died. Because Edaline wasn’t careful enough.
Edaline opened her mouth to say something, but when she blinked, everything was gone again. Because she was in the hallway. The lights were dimmed, and she had a book in her hands.
She glanced around, walking towards her and Grady’s room, not fully understanding what was going on.
“Mother,” A voice asked to her left.
Edaline stopped, dazed, turning to look at Jolie from the doorway. Her daughter stood there, a mild expression on her face, with her head tilted. Edaline’s heart dropped.
She remembered this. She swallowed, and shakily smiled.
“Yes?”
“Do you think I could head over to Brant’s? We want to make some arrangements for the wedding,” Jolie said, not meeting her eyes.
(No.)
Edaline’s smile grew sappy. “Of course, I’ll tell your father once I retire for the night.”
She laughed at Jolie’s panicked expression.
“He’s not feeling great, so tonight might be your chance,” she joked.
Jolie’s beamed.
(Her face fell a little. Why hadn’t Edaline noticed that before?)
Suddenly she shot forward, her arms wrapping around Edaline’s shoulders.
“I love you,” she said, the sentence muffled by the way her face was buried into Edaline’s shoulder.
(Do something, she screamed at herself, feeling her heart tear itself in half.)
But past Edaline simply smiled. “I love you too.”
I love you too.
I love you.
Love you.
You.
Why’d you leave?
-
Edaline’s hair was plastered to her face, and the freezing rain made her shiver.
“Sophie?” she called. “Dex?”
The pounding of the water wasn’t getting any lighter, and everything in her felt cold. Where had they gone?
Edaline couldn’t see twenty feet in front of her, and it made her so frustrated. Why? Why’d she do this? The look on Sophie’s face when she went to the caves—something bad had happened. But Edaline knew she wouldn’t want to talk to them, not after they’d cancelled her adoption.
But nothing bad could have happened, right? Dex was there. Dex would make sure she was okay.
The rain poured harder somehow, the cold water chilling her to the bone.
“Eda?” A voice called, and Edaline turned around, trying to find where it came from. “Edaline?”
“Grady?” She called, running towards her husband, whose clothes were also stuck to his body. But he was holding something. She got closer, and a small shivering creature made her heart drop. It was Iggy.
His fur was wet, and it made him look a little pitiful to be honest, his once bushy tail looking almost rat-like. Grady met her gaze, his eyes sad and scared, she was sure she had the same look pasted on her face.
“I’ve called the council,” he said gently, stepping towards her. “We can go wait it out until they get here, then-”
“No.”
“Eda…”
“Don’t Eda me, Grady Ruewen,” Edaline snapped, taking a step back. “We have to find them. We’re wasting time just standing here. We’ll have more help when the council arrives. I’m going down to the cave.”
“Edaline,” Grady yelled, as she dashed away. But she didn’t listen. She stormed down to the beach, knowing that they had to be there.
There was no way this would happen again.
She made her way towards where the caves were. The already dark rocks looked even more sinister in the swirling storm. She wiped a bit of the water away from her eyes before descending the cliff.
She shimmed her way down the cliff’s slick path, the adrenaline in her bones making it hard for her to stay cautious. Vaguely, she felt her hand slip, catching on a sharp rock, but Edaline kept moving. With the pounding rain and the roar of the ocean, Edaline could barely hear her thoughts.
Her only focus was going down, one hand after another. One foot after the other.
Finally, she dropped down to the beach, and she dashed to where the cave was, as rattling thunder shook her whole body. There was a desperate sixth sense in her, that drove her forward, faster than she thought was possible.
They’d be waiting out the rain. That’s why Sophie and Dex weren’t back.
That’s why they hadn’t come back yet. She’d be able to welcome them home, offer them both warmth, and it would all be fine.
But the cave wasn’t dry.
Not even close.
Edaline fell, her knees landing on the sand with a soft thump.
Because white rushing water ravaged the inside of the cave, leaving it un-survivable.
She simply stared, her eyes burning at the sight.
No.
Footsteps. She could hear multiple footsteps.
But Edaline was frozen, staring at the opening of the cave. People rushed past her, towards the dangerous waves.
Strong arms pulled her into an embrace, and suddenly Grady was clutching her, and her arms automatically wrapped around his. He murmured something in her ears. Probably reassurance, Edaline numbly registered, but all of her senses were shutting down.
Her gaze was focused on something far away. Something no one could really see.
But it all came crashing back. The roaring of the water, the cold chill that was set in her bones. The damp feel of Grady’s shirt that was bundled in her fists, the salty taste of tears.
“…ease say something.” Edaline blinked, looking up at Grady who was watching her with a concerned gaze. But even with all of the sounds that bombarded her mind, she couldn’t hear any voices other than his.
Edaline twisted, to see goblins searching the shore, every once and a while turning to call something out to the other.
“Why aren’t they calling their names?” Edaline rasped, turning back to look at her husband.
He simply looked at her with a broken expression.
“Grady, why aren’t they calling their names?”
But then it hit her. They weren’t looking for the children. They were looking for their bodies. The thought made her want to vomit.
“Eda… no one could have survived those waves. Let alone Sophie and Dex.”
“No—they could. Sophie could do it. She and Dex could—they could do anything if they wanted to. They need to look harder Grady, tell them to look harder!” Her voice rose in volume with the last few words.
Grady opened his mouth to say something, but a squeaky voice cut him off.
“Lord Ruewen?”
They both turned to look at the goblin. His face gave nothing away, but his hand shook as he opened his palm. It took Edaline a second to register what was in his hand.
Two waterlogged registry pendants.
“No,” Grady’s arms tightened around her.
“NO,” She screamed, breaking out of Grady’s grip.
Her tears mixed with the rain, and she scrambled forward, only making it a few feet before she fell on her hands and knees.
“Sophie,” She wailed, her voice breaking
“No, no, no, no.” Edaline sobbed, gently resting her head to the sandy ground.
A guttural scream tore its way out of Edaline’s throat. Grady scooped her up in his arms, holding her tightly, as if that would take away the pain. Shuddering sobs shook her entire body, and she buried her face into his chest.
“Come back,” she whispered.
Come back.
-
Brown eyes filled her dreams now.
It wasn’t just the ones that matched her own. Now her sleep was plagued by another blonde-haired girl, her expression so full of anger and betrayal, her tired appearance seemed to be the only thing Edaline would ever be able to see.
Not even the sparkling smiles, or the joyous laughter.
Instead, it was that deep suffering that they’d caused her.
Edaline sat up; her skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat. She laid still for a moment, listening to Grady’s steady breathing before rolling out of bed. It was the first time since the funeral, she mused, that’d she’d been out of this bedroom.
She traced her hand along the walls. They’d been meaning to replace that wallpaper for a while now. Edaline thought it looked ugly, but Jolie always wanted to paint over it once she got done with school. Edaline didn’t have the strength to take it down after that. So, there it stayed. Out of habit she made her way over to Jolie’s room.
But before she opened the door, she stopped, her hand still outstretched. She couldn’t go there tonight. It was an odd, instinctual feeling, one that Edaline hadn’t felt before. But she followed it.
The moonlight illuminated her path, and before she really knew it, her feet lead her to a closed door. Hesitantly, quietly, she pulled it open, almost expecting to see Sophie reading or lounging on her bed.
But the only thing that showed a sign of life was Iggy, who was letting out chainsaw-esque snores. Edaline’s heart dropped. She wondered if he knew that Sophie was gone. She stood in the doorway, scanning the room, which looked almost undisturbed and undecorated, when her eyes caught on the bed.
The blankets weren’t made, but that wasn’t what caught Edaline’s eye. It was the bright blue elephant in a Hawaiian shirt. Edaline covered her mouth with her hand, choking back a sob. Without meaning to, she slipped under the covers and clutched the roughed up stuffed animal to her chest.
She buried her face into Ella, trying not to cry again. She knew that Grady was scared for her. The way he tiptoed around her made her realize that. The way he encouraged her to eat, to try to make her smile, but Edaline was miserable. She couldn’t do this again. She barely made it through one death, not two.
What did she do to deserve this?
“Eda?” A voice whispered, and muffled footsteps made their way over to the bed.
Edaline simply curled tighter into herself, her body starting to shake with silent sobs. It even smelled like her. How did that make sense? Sophie’s shampoo had such a distinct scent, but it was faint, and only when she was close to her had she smelled it before.
But now she could smell it again.
Grady gently wrapped his arms around her, and Edaline rolled over, throwing her arms around him, and burying her head in his chest. Deep sobs rattled her body, and she wailed for the children she’d lost, gripping Grady’s clothing tightly as she cried.
He simply held her tighter, his shoulder shaking from his own tears.
Finally, she tiredly raised her head, meeting his tearstained face, and hoarsely asked one question.
“Why is this happening?”
Grady’s face twisted, and he shut his eyes, trying not to cry again. But when he opened them, more tears leaked out.
“I don’t know,” He whispered. “I don’t know.”