Chapter Text
She really tried to drown out the urges. She did everything to not think about it.
Every free second, the water starts to flood her mind. Drown her head with bad memories. Whispers from the past. She tries to keep the water away. But it’s hard and the water leaks through the smallest of holes. And it slowly starts to fill her head and then her head is full and then it overflows and there is no other way to dry out the water than to give in. And when it comes to that there is no way to return.
So she tries to occupy herself as much as possible. She bakes at three am just so the water doesn’t overflow. She overworks herself so the urges don't take over her body. She cleans and cleans and cleans until there isn’t a dirty spot in her room.
But what happens when there is nothing else to do? What happens when there is a leak in her mind and water starts to quickly fill her. What happens when the water overflows and the whispers fill her mind?
The water drowns her out and fills her with only pain. The memories she tries so hard to keep out eat her up from the inside and cause her pain, unbearable pain. And then there is only one way to get rid of that pain. You make it physical and then you can deal with it. If it’s physical, there must be a way to take it away. To heal the wound.
She’s sitting at the dinner table. They’re eating and silence has filled the room. They’re all exhausted after the long mission and no one really has the energy to start a conversation.
And without warning water starts to seep. Daisy can hear the water dripping, slowly filling her.
Broken plates. Scarred palms. Locked doors.
She tries to mask her emotions. People can’t know how bad it has gotten lately. She doesn’t know what made it get this bad. Was it when Lincon died? Was it when he told her that he loved her? Or had it always been this bad?
Daisy can’t really remember the last time she was happy, like actually happy, when there wasn’t a part of her who wasn’t in pain. She was born into pain and the older she got the more pain she gained.
She tries to focus on something so that the water doesn’t fill all the way up.
She focuses on the water in her glass. She makes it vibrate, small ripples forming in it. She focuses on the vibration that the water gives. Focuses on the feeling of the vibrations.
“Daisy?” Coulson’s voice takes Daisy out of her trance.
“What?” She asks, confused. Did she miss something? Did he say something?
“You alright?” He asks with worry all over his face.
“Yeah. yeah. Just tired.” She answers. “I think I’ll go and take a nap.” The water starts to fill her at a faster pace. She can’t stop it.
“Oh, okay.”
And so she stands up and walks away. And as soon as she enters her room she rushes to the bathroom and opens the cabinet under the sink. She takes out all her cleaning supplies and starts to clean. She starts with the floor. She scrubs it so hard that the sponge starts to fall apart. She tries not to think about it. She scrubs and scrubs and scrubs. But the water keeps flowing.
Memories flood her mind.
Then she hears him.
“I’ll never leave you.”
He was right. He will be there until the day she dies.
She’s back at the Richardsons, the foster home she lived in for 10 months when she was 11. At first, it was okay. There wasn’t really a family feeling in the house. The son and the father talked but never hung out, the daughter and the father hung out but never really talked. And when Daisy entered the family, nobody accepted her. They acted like she didn’t exist. And for Daisy, or back then Skye, that was better than some of the homes she lived at.
After a while, the family started to talk to her, trying to make conversation. Skye was surprised but happy. Maybe they had started to accept her.
And then it was like she was a part of the family. They talked and watched TV and did homework together. And Skye was actually feeling happy.
But then Skye realized the father had a temper, as the kids called it.
And then something happened, the whole situation started to feel weird. The atmosphere in the house felt wrong.
And then.
“NO!” He screamed, throwing the plate to the ground. Skye had no idea what the reason behind the man’s anger was. And then the father started to pick up the pieces of the broken plate. And Skye, who was desperate to prove that she was kind, started to help him pick up the pieces.
And without warning, he had an outburst. One second they were picking pieces of broken plate and then the next he was screaming and then the third second Skye had a cut on her cheek and the father had a piece of a bloody plate in his hand. And the fourth second Skye was pushed into the basement.
The door slams shut and the sound makes Skye jump. Tears have started to form in her eyes and she has to fight to not start crying. She needs to be strong so they don’t send her back.
The basement is cold and damp, a dirty mattress with weird stains is thrown in a corner. A black blanket lays on the floor next to the mattress. Skye walks over to the mattress and sits down, she wraps the blanket around her bare arms.
It’s going to be a cold night, she thinks to herself.
her hands were bleeding, she had in the haste of everything cut herself. Her face was also bleeding. And a bruise had started to appear on her face.
The father kept her locked up in the cold basement for two days without water or food.
When he finally opened the door, Skye could see the darkness in his eyes and she knew that nothing good would come out of that moment.
So when he walked up to her she didn’t move.
When he bent down next to her she didn’t move.
When he touched her arm she didn’t move.
When he touched her leg she didn’t move.
When he started to take off her pants she didn’t move.
She couldn’t move.
After that, the house was her worst nightmare. The father was nice one day. Angry the next. And when he was angry he either was in a hitting mood or a touching mood. Skye preferred it when he hit her.
“You know that I love you? right?” The father had once asked. And Skye couldn’t do anything but agree.
“I do it because we love each other.” He said
“I love you.” He said
“You like it, right?” He asked
“I’ll always protect you.”
“I’ll never hurt you again.”
“I’ll never stop loving you.”
“I’ll never leave you.”
But he didn’t mean any of it. Except for one thing. He would never leave her. He had left imprints in her mind that would never go away. He would always be there.
And then the cops came. And then he was gone. But not really. He would always live in her memories. He would always haunt her.
He would never leave her.
The scrubbing isn’t enough. There is too much water. She’s drowning. The urges take over.
She watches as the blood seeps out of the wounds. It drips down her arms and then drips on the floor of the shower. And she cuts another one. Watch carefully as the blood flows on her skin.
And she can feel the water flowing out of her. But not fast enough.
She does another cut, and then one more. She wants more blood so she cuts a little bit deeper, just a little deeper.
It’s when black dots start to appear in her vision that she knows she’s gone too far. She hurries to put the razor away and then she takes the gauze and starts to wrap her arm. But as her head gets lighter and her vision blacker she knows she’s going to pass out soon. It’s hard to wrap it tight when she’s so weak and she’s bleeding too much.
As the blood leaks through the gauze and Daisy realized that she really had gone too far. She looks at her bleeding arms and the blood-covered gauze and knows that she doesn’t have it under control. She thought she did. She never cut too deep and she felt like she was good at distracting herself and she thought she could stop herself from cutting too much. She had put a limit at two cuts per night and she never crossed that limit.
But now she sees the damage she has made.
But instead of stoping the bleeding she leans against the walls in the shower and relaxes. She closes her eyes and her head is light. Her body no longer feels heavy but extremely light. She likes the feeling. It feels like a weight lifting from her body. The lightness makes her feel like she can finally breathe without struggle.
She understands that she is dying, she’s bleeding out. But the weird thing is that she feels better than she has felt in years. And with the little energy, she has left she smiles.