Work Text:
“Rei-kun. What do you think the end of the world is like?”
In the beginning— Well, whatever there is in the beginning, Kaoru would say— there is nothing. Nothing still counts as whatever, Rei-kun, Kaoru would quip, but Rei’s mind races past the sound of Kaoru’s voice as he visualises an ending. If in the beginning, there is nothing, then in the ending, there has to be nothing as well. A perfect equilibrium. The number zero. But that would mean that everything equates to nothing. Then doesn’t that just mean that the number zero has more value than infinity? What an annoyingly worldly matter.
Rei pauses. He opts to take a deep breath, and closes his eyes. The radiator’s heat mumbles a sort of argument to the aircon air on Rei’s skin, and he focuses on that. Oddly, despite having practised this routine for months on end, to finally unveil it to the world was the thing that set him on edge. Sakuma Rei being anxious? Not exactly unheard of, but… not exactly common, either. He breathes a sigh. Rei lets his hands travel through the smooth fabric of his outfit as he stares at himself in the mirror. The rhinestones glitter on the dark expanse of the black silk. Befitting, in so many ways, for someone like Sakuma Rei. But that is not where the real anxiety lies.
Rei-kun, Kaoru’s voice pierces through his annoying anxiety, You’re being so uncool.
Rei grimaces, running his fingers through his hair. Sure. Whatever, Kaoru-kun. Right? How dare he make someone so old go through so much suffering… ah, but surely that is just the woes of youth to make him work for something like that.
“The end of the world? My, Kaoru-kun. Perhaps you do think about something else other than your womanising fanatics after all. I would never expect such a philosophical subject out of you.”
“Hakaze! Are you nervous?” Chiaki asked, handing him a bottle of water, “You’ve been fidgeting for a while,”
“Hm? Oh.” Kaoru stared at the bottle in Chiaki’s hands, taking it after a pause. “Maybe. I’m not used to having this whole… ‘don’t see your partner until you’re at the rink’ thing,”
“Then again I’m not used to skating in pairs, less of ice dance in general,” He continued, “Ah, despite having rehearsed this for months I’m still confused with all of this…”
Chiaki replied, “Well, I can’t really offer much input because I don’t figure skate, but,”
He paused in thought. Kaoru took a sip of water, tucking a piece of his own hair behind his ear. Geez, being nervous before a show is nothing but a bad omen for sure. He breathes a sigh, putting his face in his hands.
“It’s kind of like… when you study for a test and yet you’re still scared to take it, right?” Chiaki continued, putting a hand under his chin in thought, “You just have to trust whatever you’ve done will be the best you can give. And it definitely will!”
“Yeah, I just have to trust Rei-kun, I guess,” Kaoru replied in tandem, looking up from his hands.
If you had told Kaoru approximately four months ago that he would be sitting in his own dressing room of the national rink like a bride before their wedding because he’s dancing with Sakuma Rei, he would think that you were trying to pull his leg. Actually, that was his reaction the first time they told him that Rei and him would be paired up for a legendary ice dance. Because, seriously. What part of Kaoru screams “yes! I definitely would love to touch a man!”? Not like that’s something he’d ever think about, right? I mean, we all wear spandex on ice— this is where he starts hearing Izumi grate at him and where he stops thinking.
Ah, whatever, Kaoru thinks as he fixes his hair in the mirror, We’ll just handle it as is. Rei-kun’s just another guy. And he’s been nice all this time, anyway. He sighs again, as Chiaki pats his back. So much for keeping composure.
“Yes, Rei-kun. I am naturally good looking and I’m smart. Is that too much for you to take in? Although I wouldn’t want you to be charmed by me, then all the pretty girls would think I’m no longer available.”
“Kaoru-kun the flirt is scared of commitment. Oh, what a truly original tale.”
“I’m as original as it gets, don’t you think?”
“As original as the sky is blue as the sea is blue, I would think.”
It is undeniable that Rei and Kaoru as individual skaters have their own brilliant flair. Kaoru’s flirtatious and eye-catching skates are loved by many, with his attentive look to the detail of his image on ice. How it makes you feel like you’re observing beauty take form with a single twist of hair coiled around your finger: gorgeous, is the word you would seek to use. While Rei’s alluring, breathtaking skates are something you would find hard to take your eyes off. How it enthrals and hypnotises you, leaving goosebumps on your skin.
With these two together on ice, there is a common factor in the attention of detail— but everything else? These two might as well be black and white in intention. Where Kaoru aims to seduce, Rei aims to please. Where Rei aims to strike, Kaoru aims to flee. Where Kaoru aims to stand on solid ground, Rei finds himself naturally reaching for the sky. Ah, but there is attraction in opposites, perhaps. Or, that’s at least how the cliche goes.
Rei stands in the dark, as he quietens the murmurs of the audience around him. The program is as follows: Rei and Kaoru are both on opposite ends of the rink in the dark, and when the music starts, Kaoru will get his spotlight and skate as if there’s nothing wrong. Then when the music starts to build, Rei will saunter in like a bat in the dark. At its climax, they will meet in the centre, and the synchronised footwork will begin. This entire plan took several days to get in order in the beginning — with Kaoru being hesitant and Rei being a bit more of a risk taker. But the end product is nothing of a beautiful show of harmony between two idiots who would rather do anything else than this.
The beat of his heart is what Rei uses to keep his tempo. What a thing to overwork his dead, beating heart! He would say, but alas when his nerves are this tightly bundled, he might as well make use of what he has. He remembers the first time when he had told Koga about this whole affair. You’re skating with that bastard? What bribe did they put up on you now? He said, in a more careless tone than Rei would care to replicate right now, He sounds like a real pain in the ass, if you ask me.
He was right, maybe, for a few weeks. Then his sentimentality sank in when Kaoru told him his reasons for skating. But that is not something he should be thinking about right now. He takes another deep breath to keep himself afloat, and waits for the music to begin.
He only has to trust Kaoru, afterall.
“That’s so mean of you! I like to think I can be pretty original sometimes.”
“That question of yours is certainly original in some respect. Well then, let this old man entertain you for a moment then.”
“Ugh, when you say it like that it sounds like I’m being patronised.”
“Oh, please. To patronise someone like you is like patronising a fox to show your pity when there’s none.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Anyway, what do you think?”
Contrary to popular belief, Kaoru does think when he skates. It’s nothing out of this world, really, just things that keep him in the feeling of the piece. So when the music starts, his limbs act on instinct to the sound of the organ, and the first thing that his mind lands on is the lightness of his whole role in this story they have adapted for ice. The stark, glittering white outfit that adorns him makes him look like a star— burning, beautiful, and enrapturing — wow, that’s certainly some poetic imagery there, that’s for sure.
He lifts his hands up to reach for the ceiling, as practised. Huh, that’s kind of funny how he’s the one reaching for the sky when he told Rei that he was more of the type. Not that he thinks Rei is any kind of angel or whatever, far from it actually, but it always felt as if… he belonged to somewhere higher than this. Though when Kaoru first said this to Rei he seemed to frown. He deftly hid it under more layers of nonchalant feelings though.
See, this entire thing with Rei is confusing for Kaoru. Are they friends? Well, they certainly are if Rei had somehow managed to convince him to drag him out from his coffin. And in another unsavoury note, from fainting directly under the sun. Kaoru does consider him a friend, maybe even someone that is a close friend. That sounds suspicious to say though. But he can’t deny that there’s this level of trust he sees in Rei whenever he’s around. No one’s ever directly stung him in his heart when it came to his behaviour, after all.
Kaoru does a jump and the soft claps from the audience ground him back to reality. Kaoru… does like being around Rei. He guesses. Maybe too much guessing. But something about being around with Rei for the past four months somehow had bring him an odd sense of calm, yet fervour to move forward to take some kind of risk to prove himself— to prove that he’s not just moving through the motions of life just because he wanted to be someone his mother could be proud of. Rei can incite that kind of rebellion in him, huh. Interesting.
“What do I think?”
“Yeah, well, I think the end of the world would probably be like some explosion. But that’s kind of depressing to think that the end of the world would be some war or something.”
“To think of the end of the world as a simple explosion is nothing sort of like the Mayans when they thought the world would end in a certain year — and it is not to say it is wrong, in any regard, but rather simple in thinking. How I envy to think like you, Kaoru-kun.”
Rei swoops into the centre of the rink like a bat to its prey and he can see that it almost catches Kaoru off guard. A sly smile finds itself creeping onto his face, almost amusingly as Kaoru tries to clamp down his surprised look. He finds his way to slither his arm around Kaoru’s waist, and lifts him.
If Rei could allow himself this bit of realness — he had noticed, a few months prior, that for some reason his hands could naturally fit themselves around Kaoru’s waist quite effortlessly. It was just an off chance observation, after they were practising lifts. Like a puzzle piece, of sorts, and how his weight was just right for him to carry and how they could just click. Not that it was easy for them to talk in the beginning. It was an obstacle for them to come to terms with each other, but as soon as they did? What a beautiful blend of colour, that is.
The brass ensemble from the music softens, as a quiet flute plays. Rei reaches in to touch Kaoru’s face with the back of his hand, tracing the outline of his jaw like a delicate bird, before skating backwards away to lure him into the dark. The spotlight follows Kaoru as a dim light shines on Rei, their roles illustrated clearly to the audience.
Rei is a being of the dark, a rather alluring figure meant to stray Kaoru, a being of the light. But Rei’s character is not foreboding lest he is dark themed. His character is just as soft as the light is, despite his demeanour. While Kaoru’s soft being of light can be quite mischievous, and just as dark.
Kaoru is beautiful, Rei thinks to himself watching the thoughtful way that he skated like a swan. Although he might be more of a fox, foxes are known to wear masks anyway, and this particular mask suits Kaoru just as elegantly.
You could say that from the audience it seems that there’s a back and forth of persuasion between the two— but to Rei? He’s the one who feels hypnotised by Kaoru’s ever glowing form. Not that he would dare to complain.
“Envy me? It’s not that difficult to think like that, though, isn’t it? I mean, I get the whole world is shit and whatever, but I think that the end of the world doesn’t have to be that hard. We’ve already faced enough suffering.”
“The end of the world is when both light and dark meet. When two opposing forces of nature lower their swords, and decide that defeat on both ends is the best option moving forward. I suppose an explosion is sufficient, but even then a trace of the world would exist in the littlest of fragments that resemble something like humanity.”
“Huh. Actually, that sounds peaceful.”
Okay, maybe this is kind of embarrassing. It’s embarrassing how Rei and him have such good compatibility on ice, and their techniques even moreso. Rei’s a fantastic skater, Kaoru knows this very well, but. Maybe, just maybe, if Kaoru could be allowed to feel a little vulnerable—
Maybe he’s the one being charmed instead.
Kaoru chases Rei on the ice like a distressed lover for their partner. This part of the skate is when the dark being finds themselves being a hindrance, and the light being tries to convince them otherwise. Kaoru’s chased plenty of girls before. While he’s not proud of it now, he has to admit the experience does work somewhere. But yet… Why does chasing Rei make his chest ache, just a little? That’s not very normal. That’s certainly out of the boundaries of Kaoru’s thoughts.
Rei turns his head away from him. Don’t look away, a part of Kaoru whispers as he skates closer, I only want to understand you.
He reaches for Rei’s cheek then, desperately. For the split moment Kaoru can see into his eyes— oh. He understands now why Keito found him to be the most beautiful creature on earth. He holds Rei’s face in his hands, and he hesitates his next move but he’s so tired of playing careful when he’s never been careful and—
Kaoru leans his forehead against Rei’s and he closes his eyes. Rei’s hands are around his waist, holding him gently.
“Peaceful?”
“The whole fact that at the end of the world the two most opposing forces of nature come to a stand and learn to accept each other— Yeah. That sounds terrifying, but it’s also peaceful.”
“What an interesting perspective.”
“It’s like you and me, you see? We’re both different people, but I think this whole thing is forcing us to understand that there’s more to it than the differences in us. That we’re just people too.”
“How interesting that you’d describe me as someone quite human. If I recall as a matter of factly, you had thought I was some creature fit for the skies instead of the ground.”
“Well, I didn’t know you too well then. Through some help from you I guess I’m learning that things can change too.”
Kaoru is leaning his forehead on him. This is definitely a change that he did not anticipate. He stares at him for a moment — his blonde hair tickles his nose in an almost childish way — and Rei cannot help but smile.
He lifts him up into the air, for one last spin. Kaoru holds onto him like his life depends on it, but once he meets Rei’s eyes, he whispers:
I won’t leave, Kaoru-kun. Don’t you trust me?
His bright hazel eyes widen as Rei sets him down, a gasp stuck in his throat. But he clamps his mouth as Rei smiles back at him in the most tender way he can possibly muster. Oh, how fast his heart beats in his chest — perhaps he is not dead, after all.
“Aw, Kaoru-kun do you like me already? I thought I was the one who was supposed to be charmed by your silver tongue.”
“Don’t say things like that! I just meant that— You’re a good person, Rei-kun. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for that. You pulled my ass out of nowhere after all.”
“Odd to think that I saved you.”
“Now that’s too much credit. You didn’t save me. You just showed me another way and I got up here to tell you that maybe it's your turn to let yourself be the one who gets to be helped for once.”
“You teach a man to fish and then he lectures you on how to do it. How quaint.”
“I just don’t think you understand how much of the pain you go through you don’t deserve.”
“And what much do you know about my trials? I do not think that you were that of a stalker.”
The audience erupts in applause as they envelope each other in an embrace for their ending pose. It takes a couple of seconds for them to break apart from each other to bow to the audience. Both of their minds buzz from the emotions and there isn’t a word that can even begin to describe the crack in both of their masks right now.
But it can be shown. It shows when Kaoru skates just a bit too far from Rei, how his hand is pulled back instantly by a cold hand.
“I don’t know anything about your problems, but… I think that, if you allowed me to, I would want to help you.”
“And your reasons for helping me being…? I do not think I can give you what you want, Kaoru-kun.”
“I want to help you with what YOU want, Rei-kun. Just like the end of the world, doesn’t the world require balance to help us stay afloat? You can trust me.”
“... Okay.”
“Wow, that was a lot easier than I expected.”
“Perhaps you truly have charmed me on your own accord, Kaoru-kun.”
“Gross.”
At the end of the world, where two lines intertwine— the number zero is equivalent to infinity when the void entangles itself with the pinnacle of everything.
At the end of the world, that would be enough. Maybe that would be enough to begin again, too.