Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Open your eyes”

We all know how this goes. Mirabel doesn’t get her gift and cries about it like a little bitch for the rest of the movie. But what if things were a little different? More dark perhaps?

“What do you think my gift will be”
Little Mirabel says looking up at her abuela.
…

“Just shut up and open your door”

Baby mirabel walks down the isle and approaches the door, nervously awaiting a gift that will make her family proud. She reaches for the door knob when suddenly the light from the door disappeared. Mirabel lifted her tiny eyes to discover that her door stopped glowing. No flicker, no fading, just gone. She looks to her abuela for guidance as gasps fill the room. Suddenly, the door detached from the walls and fell on Mirabel’s stupid little body. “MIRABEL!!!”
She heard the familiar voice of her mom say as she blacked out.

—

“Mirabel…”
“MIRABEL!!”
Mirabel snaps out of her thoughts and takes a look at the three kids looking at her through the window.
The kids look up at her, expecting the Madrigal song she sings every day. Why do they need this song everyday? because they suffer amnesia! Obviously. But that’s besides the point.
Mirabel glances at the kids before throwing one of the plates at them.
“Get lost or I’ll make the donkey shit on you again.”
But the kids don’t budge. They just stand there, looking up and Mirabel with excitement.
“Uggg you aren’t gonna leave me alone, are you?” Mirabel says as she puts the stack of plates on the table.
The kids just give her a look that screams ‘we’re annoying fetuses and we aren’t going anywhere. You’re stuck with us forever fucking loser. L.’
Mirabel smiles and leads them to impending doom. As she sings, the kids get locked into one of the donkey fences, trapping them.
“So that’s my family. Ooo is that my name getting called. Guess I gotta go.”
“But what about your gift.” The little girl in braids says.
“Nunya.” Mirabel says with a smirk.
As one of the kids are about to question her, abuelas loud stupid ass annoying fucking bitch I hate abue-
“Mirabel!!”

Chapter Text

Abuelas loud voice rang through the town as Mirabel quickly looked to her right.
“What are you doing”
Abuela questions Mirabel.
“Oh well the children were just asking about the family”
“Yeah she was about to tell us her super awesome gift!”
Mirabel glared at the kids menacingly.
“Oh she didn’t get a gift… hmh”
Dolores said.
Mirabel took one of the plates from the dining table and threw it at Dolores’ head. Get fucked Dolores you stupid eavesdropping asshole.
The kids looked at Mirabel
“You didn’t get a gift? That’s kinda lame if you ask me.” The kid with the unusually big coffee cup said while giggling.
“Okay maybe I didn’t get a gift but at least I’m not an absolute loser like you + ratio + why don’t you gift yourself some bitches” Mirabel exclaimed in annoyance.
She then spent the next 5 minutes traumatizing the children with the donkey shit and walked back to the casita with pride.
“HEYY YOU FORGOT TO LET US OUT!!!!”
Mirabel heard in the distance as she took the basket of supplies from that unimportant fat guy I don’t remember the name of.

—

Mirabel made her way through the courtyard as she tried to dodge the strangers walking along the path. She almost ran into her big sister. Gosh she needs to stop being so reckless. As she looked to the right, she saw her Tia Pepa causing a storm, as her possibly gay(?) Tío Felix tries to calm her down.
“Did somebody say flowers!”
Mirabel dreadfully looked up to her big sister, hoisting herself up with vines. As Isabela starts to swing across the casita, her vines snap (thankfully) and she falls to her well deserved doom.
“Can someone get this cleaned up? I already have Antonio’s ceremony to worry about.” Tia Pepa says as she stomps away. Mirabel laughs as she watches her stupid peasant of a sister lay dead on the floor. She then proceeds to run into a pole.
“Shit” she says as she walks to the kitchen to meet with her mother. She struggles to carry the basket as her mother gives her a worried look.
“Mirabel are you okay? You don’t have to over-do it”
…
“Haha you’re sooo funny Mom. Anyway, of course I do, I’m part of the family Madickgal.” yes the name is #canon now
“She’s somewhat right you know. Just because you’re USELESS doesnt mean you gotta prove otherwise,” her father says, his face covered in bee stings.
“Shut up thats why you look like a stinky musty asshole prick bitch.” Mirabel responds.
Her mom rolls her eyes as she shoves an arepa down his throat. Agustín starts to choke as his puffy features go back to normal.
“Just get out of here and do something useful for once” Her mother says as she shoves Mirabel out of the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Mirabel was crouched down in front of the head Madrigals door, carefully placing a decorative mat and candle as a little suprise. Mirabel then felt someone come up from behind her and turned around to find Abuela.
“What are those?” Abuela asked, slightly annoyed at Mirabel’s stupid bitch behavior
“Oh these are just a little suprise! I figured since you suck ass at decorating I decided to take things into my own hands” Mirabel answered. Abuela carefully looked at the mats and candles and scoffed.
“Maybe, you should leave the decorating… to someone else, someone like Isabela” Abuela said as she pointed to her sister, who was delicately putting flowers on the poles.
“And maybe you should die! Ur literally so old you could just drop dead at any second. I honestly think I saw mold growing on you the other day ur so old. You have no bitches. I don’t know if you remember but your husband IS dead. Imagine having a dead husband? Couldn’t be me.” Mirabel said as she pulled out a candle and put it on abuelas hair.
Abuela freaked out, as she tried to put out the fire. She backed up into one of the pillars and it caused the flowers to catch on fire. The fire spread as and caught up to Isabella and the fire burned off half of her head before the rest of the family successfully put it out.
“MY HAIR!!!” Isabella screeched. Mirabel took a look at Isabella questioning how the fire just so happened to quickly spread all the way to her, but she guessed the universe was in her favor.
“Ha get absolutely fucked asshole, maybe if you stayed dead you wouldn’t be as bald as that bald priest who has to wear a weave everyday!” Mirabel said as she went into her ro-I mean the nursery.

—

Mirabel sat on the bed and sighed as she opened a drawer and took out a present.
“Everybody is looking for you…” Mirabel said.
……
“This present isn’t going to open itself” she tried again, but no response
“Oh for gods sake, Antonio get out of there before is cut your hair off!” Mirabel said slightly annoyed. Antonio then came from under the bed, looking slightly nervous as he sat next to his cousin on her bed.
“Stop being such a little pussy bitch, your getting a gift and it will be so swag and epic that Abuela will be the proudest she ever been” Mirabel said, trying to cheer up her little primo.
“But what if it dosent work, what if I end up useless and giftless….like you! Then my life will be ruined” Antonio cried.
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that. Everything will be fine ok, now come on or Abuela will lose more hair than she did already” Mirabel laughed at the thought as casita hit her with a clock.
“Alright damn we are going casita!” Mirabel said harshly and she dragged a giggling Antonio out the door.

—

After she brought him to his family, the ceremony finally began.
“Don’t be a disappointment like Mirabel, we will be waiting at your door!” Pepa said as she walked out with the rest of the family.
Mirabel glared and Antonio muttered something out of his mouth which couldn’t be heard.
Mirabel hid behind the curtain as she pushed Antonio to the curtain where it finally opened. But instead of going, Antonio stood there and looked back. It wasn’t a secret Antonio was nervous, especially when he is such a big los-
Antonio took his hand out and signaled to Mirabel to get the fuck out here.
“I cant dumbass” Mirabel tried, but Antonio glared at her, refusing to move.
“Ugh” Mirabel said as she took Antonio’s hand.
The growd gasped.
“What’s Miraballs doin-“ Isabela said, but was interrupted by a sharp pain in her foot. Probably Mirabels, she thought as she tried to keep her wincing to a minimum.
Mirabel then dropped Antonio off and stood to the side.
Antonio held the candle and nervously reached for the doorknob. The door then fell of its hinges and crushed Antonio’s tiny stupid little bitch boy body.
……
The flickering of the door brought Mirabel back to reality. Damn it, it was just my imagination…
Antonio opened the door to his new room as everyone stared in awe. He went to explore it than came back to everyone cheering for him.
“Go Antonio!”
“I knew you wouldn’t be a disappointment!”
The rest of the family surrounded the giggling boy.
“We need a photo! And we should definitely not include Mirabel!” Abuela said as she gathered the rest of the family.
“The family Madickal!”

‘What the ef. Well I guess I hope you enjoy the taste of these miraBALLS IN YOUR MOUTHS YOU STUPID ASS FAMILY. FUCK YOU LLLL.’ Mirabel thought to herself as time suddenly slowed. Mirabel watched silently as they took a photo without her. She went up to them inspecting each of there faces while whispering that she was fine.
“Mirabel you crazy bitch get out of the photo! Haha” Camilo said as he watched his prima touch the rest of the family’s shoulders, then run away crying.
Quite an uncomfortable situation.
“Oh my god I raised a nuisance…” Julieta said as she ran off.

Chapter Text

Mirabel walked through the casita twirling her dress like a little idiot as she kept singing a song about how much of a fuck up she was.
“Gosh keep it down crazy lady we’re trying to party!” A townsperson said, but she didn’t listen.
She snatched one of the kids fire sticks or whatever they’re called and danced with it as the little girl cried.
“Hey that’s mine!” “Shadup that’s why your crippled”
Mirabel responded.
“What are you talki-AHHH” the little girl scream as she fell down the stairs.
Then Mirabel rushed to the roof as the fire works lit up her figure.
“MIRABEL GET DOWN!”
“Mirabel oh no don’t do it, we definetly love you and this is definetly not sarcastic..”
“NO GET OFF THE ROOF!!”
“DONT JUMP MIRABIT-I MEAN MIRABEL!”
She heard the townspeople say as she sang off key like a little bitch.
After about a minute of hearing all the people bitch at her, she decided to come down, which is when everyone decided to go to Antonio’s new swag room.
As she stood, a piece of the casita tiles fell off and the ground began to shake.
“Yo what the fu-AYO!” Mirabel followed the cracks as it reached the candle, dashing to Antonio’s epic new room to tell everyone.

—

She didn’t understand, the cracks were right there.
“There’s nothing to be scared of, Mirabel here just has a few too many drinks!”

…..
“And possibly something else…” she whispers under her breath.
Agustín played a song on the piano that Luisa brought to calm everyone down.
“My daughter must have eaten too many mushrooms again! Everything is fine!”
He said as everyone went back into Antonio’s badass room.
Julieta glared at her daughter than guided her to the kitchen.
“You don’t understand, I would NEVER ruin Antonio’s night!” Mirabel said defensively.
“On purpose- maybe..” Julieta said as she shoved an arepa down her daughters mouth.
“You need to stop being a crackhead or you end up like my brother Bruno” Julieta said.
“I know what I saw, I’m not bli- well…”
Mirabel responded as she glared at her mom.
“Maybe you should get some sleep, and dream about getting some birches…” Julieta said as she sent Mirabel to her room.
She didn’t sleep that night….and not just because of the god awful smell that was coming from who knows where.
Mirabel got up from bed and went too the roof, where she then stalked her Abuela Alma, who was talking to her limited edition Abuela locket.
“Pedro….I need you… my little nieta…. Is a stoner” Abuela hopelessly sighed
“Please… help me find a way to save her, even if she’s a little bitch” Abuela finished as she went away.
Mirabel looked at her, and then at the candle.
“I will save the miracle…” Mirabel said as she looked at the very healthy looking candle which was not dying at all whatsoever.
“But ugh, now I know where that smell is coming from…” Mirabel said as she retreated back to her room.
She than put on her clothes and plotted her plan. But first, she need to find the one person who had all the shit on everyone.

—

“Stop pretending to be Dolores for more food you fatass!” Mirabel heard her tio Félix say as her godawful cousin transformed back into his ugly ass and walked away.
“The only one worried about the magic is you, no suprise there……but I heard Luisa all night, and her eye was twitching” Dolores creepily said as she walked away.
Heh now we have a target
Mirabel quickly snatched a seat next to her big sister and started asking her questions.
“Mirabel, if you won’t stop opening your big ass mouth then I’ll make you shut it!” Abuela said as she commanded casita to sit next to her.
“Ugh you stank dumb bitch.”
Mirabel said as she covered her mouth.
“Anyway, Isabela will be marrying Mariano so we can have more magical babies, Dolores, do we have a date?”
Abuela asked.
“Tonight, he wants to ‘smash dat azz’” Dolores said as she gave a said eye.
“Heh..of course he does who wouldn’t want that!” Isabela said.
The rest of the dinner went by, though Mirabel didn’t focus as she was too focused harassing her sister.
As Luisa left, Mirabel followed her into the town, further bothering her with questions.
“Why is your disgusting eye twitching, unless your worried about something, like the magic!” Mirabel said.
“No Mirabel, unlike you I have other things to worry about other than marijuana hallucinations.” Luisa said as she picked up a donkey. But Mirabel didnt stop, she just kept questioning.
“GOD WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP, HERE ILL SHOW YOU NOTHING IS WRONG!” Luisa yelled as she dropped the donkeys and picked up a rock. She then threw it on top of her, and collapsed on the floor, dying as her neck snapped. #oops LMAO she got a little too quirky
“Huh….I should go to tio Bruno’s tower!” Mirabel said as she quickly left the scene.