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The sun streamed in through the window of her bedroom as she stayed frozen in bed. She was gripping tightly to the pillow that was under her head as she listened to the sounds of the birds outside cheerfully chirping. Alex wanted to let a bitter laugh leave her lips at the sound of their cheerfulness, but she forced it away as she tried to convince herself to get out of bed.
“He won’t be there,” Alex’s mind whispered to her, a sad tone laced in every word as that thought ran through her head. “He left you again, but this time he’s not coming back,” Her mind whimpered, causing tears to form in her eyes though she tried to force them away.
“Shut up,” Alex mumbled to herself as she closed her eyes and tried to take a deep breath.
“He’s going to leave you again,” Her mind whispered, making her grit her teeth as she buried her face in her pillow, trying to block out her own mind.
“I said shut up,” Alex demanded, her voice a sort of growl as she tried to force the voice away, but like usual it didn’t work.
She tried to force herself to sleep as her mind whispered heartbreaking words through her mind. She knew running away from her thoughts wasn’t a healthy thing to do. She also knew that she needed sleep, and the few hours she got weren’t enough to wash away the number of sleepless nights she had suffered through. The cruel words about Strand weren’t leaving her alone, and she knew that they wouldn’t unless she got out of her bed and went to the living room where Richard was supposed to be sleeping.
“He’s not there,” Her mind whispered harshly causing a soft sob to suddenly leave her making eyes widen as she buried her face deeper into her pillow.
She felt her nails sink into the fabric of her pillow as she tried to stop any more sobs from leaving her.
“He left you again,” Her mind whispered cruelly, causing another cry to leave her as tears started to soak into her pillow.
“I know,” Alex whispered through gritted teeth, forcing the sobs back down her throat as tears continued to flow. “I know, all right,” She growled as she closed her eyes even tighter, trying to force the hurt and pain to go away. “I fucking know,” She whispered in a broken voice she felt awful feeling this way she felt it was selfish and disgusting but her mind wouldn’t stop.
As her mind began to whisper again the cruel voices were soon cut off thanks to a few soft knocks on her bedroom door.
Alex froze and listen, blinking in the silence as she waited to hear a voice from the person on the other side of the door.
“Alex…” The voice of Dr. Richard Strand called out gently to her, making Alex let out a silent gasp of surprise at hearing his voice. “I’m sorry for waking you if I did but…” He trailed off, clearing his throat as he stood there for a few seconds in silence as if trying to find the right words. “I made breakfast,” He finally explained as gave out a small awkward cough. “And I don’t know if you’re hungry but I just wanted to let you know,” He said and for a moment Alex wondered if he was going to open the door but that thought was quickly pushed away as she heard the small creaks of the floor that signed he was walking away.
Alex laid there shocked and frozen as she listened to him walk away and noted that she must have been too lost in her mind to hear him come up to the door before.
She stayed in her bed for a few more moments before carefully pushing herself up from the bed, ignoring the way the fabric of the pillow stuck to her cheek for a second thanks to her tears. She slowly let her sock covered feet touch the carpet of her bedroom floor as she stood up and moved around her bed towards the door.
She didn’t bother trying to fix her hair knowing that it was sticking up at odd angles and she didn’t bother to change her clothes, too tired to really care about what she was wearing and she knew Richard wouldn’t care either.
Alex silently opened her bedroom door and closed it behind her as she started to walk down the hall. It didn’t take long to make it to the living room of her small apartment and within seconds of turning the corner; she was standing in the doorway of her small kitchen, hidden by the shadows as she watched the man she thought had abandoned her once again.
She took a moment to watch him with slightly wide eyes, still in shock that he was still here in her apartment. She felt a small smile tug at her lips as she watched him stand at the stove and flip a pancake. She looked him up and down, noting that he was still in the sweatpants and the casual shirt that he had left behind before he felt. The same sweatpants and shirt that she had given him last night.
Alex couldn’t help but think about how domestic the scene before her was, seeing the man she cared so much for standing before her making pancakes as if he hadn’t left for three months.
“You’re still here,” Alex said, causing Richard to jump and turn to look at her, eyes wide at seeing her.
“And you’re wearing my sweater,” Richard pointed out softly as he quickly moved the pancake he had been cooking to the pile of pancakes that was next to him and the stove.
Alex looked at him in confusion at his words before she looked down with wide eyes, a little startled at seeing the dark gray sweater that she was currently wearing alongside the pink, breakfast-themed pajama pants. She felt a small blush creep up her face, but she ignored that at the moment in favor of bringing her attention back to the man in front of her. She made a note to herself to worry about the slight embarrassment she felt later.
“You’re still here,” Alex said again, ignoring his words about the sweater for the moment as she walked into the kitchen, her head cocked to the side ever so slightly.
“I… um…. Yes?” Richard said, blinking a few times in confusion, not truly knowing what to say to the woman in front of him.
"You're still here,” Alex said for the third time, making Strand blink a few times in surprise as he tried to find something to say. “And you're making pancakes?" She asked as she moved closer to him to the point where she was right in front of the small dining table that she owned.
Once in front of the table, she noticed that it had eggs, bacon, toast, and a picture of orange juice placed on it.
“Well, yes, I am,” Richard said as he noticed her looking towards the other food he had placed on the dining table. “I ordered the groceries here if that’s alright,” He said gaining her attention once more making her blink up at him. “I didn’t want you to wake up and think that I had left so...” Richard winced as he was suddenly cut off by Alex who threw herself into his arms making him stumble back into the counter.
Alex buried her face in Richard’s shirt, her hands clinging to the back of it as if he would vanish again at any given moment. She could feel her nails sinking into the fabric much like it had her pillow as she felt tears start to slip down her face, the tears refusing to go away this time.
“You’re still here,” Alex whispered the statement for the fourth time as she clung tighter to him. “You didn’t leave me again,” She mumbled out more to herself than to Richard, but since she was pressed against his chest, he still heard her words.
“Alex,” Richard stammered as he slowly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, guilt growing inside his stomach as she sniffled into his shirt. “I’m sorry,” He whispered softly to the point where only she could hear even though they were the only two in Alex’s apartment that they knew of. “I’m so damn sorry,” He whispered to her as he held her as tightly as he could without hurting her. He buried his face into her hair as he held her, not knowing what else to do as he mumbled one apology after the next.
Alex didn’t respond to the apologies, she only held tighter to him as more tears slipped down her face and soaked into Richard’s shirt. She blinked for a moment as she felt tears start to soak her hair, letting her know that she wasn’t the only one out of their pair that was shedding tears.
In the back of each of their minds, the thought of their breakfast getting cold became a thought but right now neither cared as they just held one another and made sure the other was there.