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With deteriorating health, shortage of lollipop supply, and threat over his life, Ramuda should be finding it difficult to laugh nor smile. But wearing that mask of carefree positivity has always been a piece of cake for him. He can fool just about anyone though underneath the sweet, childish act, he was spiraling down a deep pool of black emotions. He was crying; he was confused, angry, terrified. . .
And dying.
There’s just too much going on, but right now, he feels a little bit better compared to the past few weeks. Especially since they’re still able to participate in the division battle, thanks to Gentaro and Dice’s efforts. He shall do what he can, what is right. . . and even if he denies it, Ramuda love spending time, and being on the stage with his posse. He hopes they could win this battle season, as a true team– as true friends. . .
“–da. Ramuda!”
Blinking back to his senses, Ramuda found his precious posse of sunshine, Gentaro and Dice looking at him with genuine concern. Returning to his beloved studio was still risky, and so the three of them gathered inside a humble hotel room that serves as his current hiding place. Tonight, the floor was littered with sparkling confetti and glitters from party poppers, balloons in assorted colors and a “happy birthday” banner were taped up against the wall. Ramuda’s posse threw him a small dinner party as today is his “birthday”.
Normally, when this day of the year arrives, Ramuda’s studio would be overflowing with presents, and flowers, and sweet chocolates as it was also Valentine’s Day. He knew there must be girls who dropped by today. . .
Realizing he’d fallen silent out of the blue, he put the mask up, plastering a huge smile on his face as he laughed. He knew he was fooling himself, but dropping the cutesy act isn’t really helping either. Not to mention the act had been ingrained to his very character that he often don’t know who he truly was anymore. But this has become a part of him. In keeping up his sugary persona, he can be a little bit more positive about his situation. Besides, his posse had given him hope towards the future he desired– and this wonderful birthday surprise.
And it, in all honesty, made him genuinely happy.
“Are you alright?” Gentaro worriedly asks. “You don’t have to force it if you need to rest.”
“Just tell us if you gotta go sleep, ‘kay?” Dice says, stuffing his mouth like a squirrel. The small glass table overflowing with food and refreshments. “We’ll take care of these for ‘ya!”
“Hogging all the food to yourself yet again though it’s for Ramuda. My word. . .” Gentaro sighed, turning to give their leader a plate of garden salad, “You must eat before the food disappears, Ramuda. Have this, it’s good for one’s health.”
“Yessir.” Ramuda pouted.
Ramuda had to stop himself from reminding Gentaro that no vegetable can help him with the current state of his weak body. But he didn’t want to further worry his posse, so he took the plate of leaves he find terribly unappetizing and slowly ate it.
“Make sure to eat meat too!” Dice put a big slice of ginger pork on Ramuda’s plate as well as a few dumplings.
“I can’t eat all of that!”
As Ramuda ate, and Dice brought out the canned beers, Gentaro once more noticed the plain white box half-hidden in the corner of the sofa where Dice had carelessly thrown his jacket. He’d forgotten to ask when Ramuda opened the door when he and Dice arrived.
“Dice, what is that you’ve brought with you again?” Gentaro asks as he fixed up a plate of his own, “A present?”
“Huh?” Dice blinked, following Gentaro’s gaze as he nibbled on the pork chops, “Yeah, present for Ramuda.”
Ramuda brightened up as he took the box from Dice, “Yey! Dice bought me a gift! Where’d you borrowed the money this time?”
But Dice waved off a hand, hastily swallowing the food in his mouth before speaking up, “No, that thing’s not from me. I was only asked to deliver. It’s from the doctor you despise, Jinguji Jakurai.”
Both Gentaro and Ramuda got equally baffled and surprised that they stared at the box in unison as if they were seeing a foreign object for the very first time.
What? Ramuda fell silent, unmoving. But the gift remained in his little hands.
“Matenro’s leader?” Gentaro comments, he was not suspicious about the content and he figured Dice was the same. They knew the doctor wouldn’t harm anyone, especially not in such an underhanded way, but Gentaro couldn’t conceal his surprise. “How did you get your hands on this?”
“Usual shit.” Dice answered, gulping down a beer, “Doing some odd jobs here and there. Dude’s bought me lunch and afternoon snacks, and then asked me to deliver that to Ramuda in exchange. Hey, Ramuda? I thought you’re in bad terms with that guy, what’s with this present?”
Ramuda hesitated, then he sighed, a soft laugh escaping his lips as he dropped the sweet voice, “I don’t know. He must be out of his fucking mind.” What he didn’t confess is that he actually gave Jakurai a present last January. He started this. Yep, he was absolutely out of his mind when he sent that man a birthday present.
He was expecting nothing except that the old coot might return the present out of anger or irritation. He hurt Jakurai, and Jakurai had hurt Ramuda in turn. He knew how painful their past was, when the sweet, precious moments turned into bitter memories in the blink of an eye. The wounds they’d inflicted on one another hasn’t yet healed. And he thought. . . he thought Jakurai doesn’t care anymore. That there was no more chance for them to talk, to clear things up– to forgive each other. . .
The thing between them that bloomed beyond his control was a masterpiece. Until now, Ramuda thought he was the only one who hopes, him with the almost innocent memories of the two of them captured in photographs he still keep in his drawer like an oath.
“You’re blushing.”
Flinching, Ramuda barked up at Gentaro, “I’m not!”
Dice only laughed, “You’re red as a tomato. The doctor made you that happy?”
“Shut it!” Ramuda exclaimed, roughly opening the package. “Knowing him, this is probably just stupid vitamins and supplements and–”
The box contained a pretty, sparkling glass jar of mixed dried fruits. Arranged in a way that reminded Ramuda of the colors of the rainbow. A thin, purple satin ribbon was tied around the cap along with a little card that had a handwritten “Happy Birthday Amemura-kun” on it.
It reminded him of his time together with Jakurai before everything they have fell apart– got torn to pieces– along with their vulnerable hearts. The man always reprimand him about eating food with too much table sugar and artificial sweetener, and that Ramuda should opt for something much healthier, like fruits, fresh ones or naturally preserved. Was always concerned with Ramuda’s well-being though Ramuda never listens.
For the longest time, he thought Jakurai was only doing that because he’s a doctor.
I’m really out of my mind. Ramuda thought, tears pricking his eyes, but he refused to let them rise. I hate him. I hate him. . .
And he hates himself more for letting a stupid jar of dried fruits get to him like this. “What’s with that old coot. Sending me such a cheap present when he’s got so much money.”
“Dude, you alright?” Dice peered.
“Yeah. . .” I guess.
Gentaro smiles, “Ah, love.”
Ramuda turned even more red that he forgot to put up the cutesy act, “What are you talking about?! I hate that old coot!”
“The eyes, my dear friend.” Gentaro teases, “They never lie.”
Ramuda can’t believe it. But even if the embarrassment was becoming unbearable, he chose not to hide from his posse, peeling away another layer of the thick wall he’d built, “Shut up already. . .”
The jar of fruits sparkled under the fluorescent light, giving Ramuda another reason to smile, and to stay alive.
For now, the next time he and Jakurai meet, it will be in battle. As enemies, as rivals.