Chapter Text
NFWMB
(Nothing Fucks With My Baby)
Ain't it warming you, the world gone up in flames?
Ain't it the life you, you're lighting of the blaze?
Ain't it a waste they'd watch the throwing of the shade?
Ain't you my baby? ain't you my babe?
Nothing fucks with my baby
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
Hozier
-
Sean was worried about White.
Actually, understatement of the year. Sean was always worried about White.
Sean thinks he didn’t go a day without worrying about White. His happiest moments were when the little cutie was glued to his side, safely tucked under his arm like how a mother bird shields her young with her wing. Sean wanted to do just that to White. Shield him. Protect him from every bad thing in the world.
Sean just had to , because White was just so beautiful he deserved nothing less. Physically and mentally beautiful. He was quite literally one of the most benevolent person Sean had ever the honor of meeting.
He was akin to an angel, so pure and kind-- just like the origin of his name. White.
His skin was an ivory pale, a masterpiece of blank canvas that bruised so easily. Which in hindsight felt like a poor thing to note, but when Sean saw the discolored stain in the shape of his hand on White’s waist-- it was jarring to just how fragile this boy was. However, shit, it was also hot as hell to see his handprint, marking White as his. The fondness he felt was astronomical and his protective nature soared.
White was just so soft, but he had eyes that burned with the passion of an exploding star. They were so lively, that Sean felt like a love-sick buffoon when he said he fell in love with White’s eyes.
They were so intense . Whenever White looked at Sean, it could kill him dead with how intensive one admiring gaze can be. When someone talked to him, White listened with his eyes, soaking in everything Sean could spout and then would tuck it away in a memory box so carefully. White looked and listened at Sean with the vindication that he was worth fighting for and Sean… Sean had never had a person believe he was worth the effort.
His entire life, Sean had felt small. So inconspicuous to a greater group of people. Never had he thought of himself as the protagonist of his own story, merely just an outsider that shit happened off screen and would show up next block with unexplainable, plot-holing bruises. He never felt control of anything, yet the minute he found out White’s identity, there was this calling within him that was his literary call to action. This light flickering in his brain that told him it’s your time to do something. Anything.
For a while now, Sean had been brushing off his growing feelings to what he thought was Black. Anyone would, Black was a fucking awful person and Sean had wholeheartedly believed he was so touch-starved that he was confusing his feelings with friendship. That wasn’t to say that every time White would do things that made his heart race and his brain become nothing, but mush, Sean didn’t fall a little deeper in love. He just had this inkling something wasn’t right and played cautious to protect his heart.
It was like the struggle of trying to name an object, but he was only allowed to call out adjectives. Never allowed to call it as it is, because he couldn't find the correct wording. White had every red flag that told Sean there was something off about his rendition of Black, but he never had the right name of object. It was infuriating in a way, because Sean was fighting the motions of falling completely and utterly in love with a whisper inside his head that told him he has gone crazy to nurture these feelings for his enemy.
Then, the rules changed. He learned the name of this mysterious object and he could taste it on his tongue. This information being found through a Russian driving license and a passport that had the distinct lettering of Cyrillic. White , the name said on the cards. White. Both legal papers said it, confirming the name he had been looking for and it had Black’s last name attached to it. As Sean stared at these items and back to White laying in the bed, soft with sleep and curled in towards himself, he was filled with a surge of elation.
Maybe he should have been angry. Maybe he should have thrown a fit and started demanding questions from this unfamiliar person of what his plan was and why he was being so reckless. Though, Sean just couldn’t amount his anger to anything that could bubble over. Which in retrospect was terribly strange, since he was normally a hot-headed person. It was one of the first times Sean had been so happy he could withhold all his intimate anger.
He had his answers and he loved it.
If he was more unhinged he’d probably kiss the passport that spelled in block letters GIVEN NAME: W H I T E. He didn’t, what he did instead was tie White to the bed and tease him like hell. And against everything he stood for, his fears and confusion, he then kissed White on the top of the building with the setting sun as a backdrop to warm their body. With the later memory of worshipping White’s body in the tent, familiarizing himself with skin that for weeks he believed he knew, but found it belonged to someone he would come to admire.
It was in that tent, with the sound of stark labored breaths, White had looked at him with tears clinging to his eyelashes to ask Sean if it was okay if he wasn’t Black. Was it okay that he was White? There were so many things Sean had wanted to say to that. “White, I know.” or “I am so glad you aren’t your brother.” or even “It’s fucking perfect.” The words fell on a choked up throat and Sean still wasn’t sure what he said back to White, because they were kissing again and his brain was fogged over with the caveman urge to claim.
Unbeknownst to White, Sean already knew of his identity.
He was just waiting for White to be the one to tell him. He didn’t want to try to force it out; possibly scaring White and causing him to disappear. Sean would be patient. The Earth would have to frost over with a sheet of ice before Sean would ever think of forcing answers out of sweet, kind White. Whatever he was hiding, the crux for this game of switcheroo, it wasn’t as simple as Sean could make it in his head.
If it truly was simple, Sean believed he would have been notified of White’s identity a month ago. So in the time being he’d adapt and be a pillar for White to lean on without any fear. Because Sean knew when he was in that same rough place and he needed that support, Gumpa was his light at the end of the tunnel who gave him a place to stay and warm food to eat.
Sean would play that safe haven for White… He’d always do that for him, without any scalding question. White deserved that , he deserved to not be fearful and confused every which way he turned. And let Sean tell you, he knew White was confused basically 98% of the time. Sean didn’t need to be a question for White, never a riddle for him to ooo and ahh over, he’d just be an answer for his game of charade.
It was in that vow that Sean knew he had turned into a protective guard dog to White. Heart practically in his throat when his phone remained silent the entire night after the cutie left, not even a text coming in to notify that he got to his destination safely.
The hug they shared was playing on repeat in Sean’s dream. The small hands that crawled up his back burned their shape into his skin. Marking him with an itching rash that could only be relieved by the balm of those same hands that gripped him so tight. Sean was a worrier, a huge worrier, and without White in his sight it made him oh-so anxious.
White had been adamant about meeting his mother, the judge, at whatever place she had requested. His face turned in confusion at the chain wall he had been facing and just like that he was following to get more answers to his solo mission. Sean had held him as long as he could have, memorizing White’s touch before he was caught by Namo at the front of the garage.
Sean felt like he should feel bad for stringing her along. Namo wasn’t a bad person, she was a lovely girl with a beautiful brain, but he couldn’t think of her as anything more than a sister. Maybe he should have been clearer of his stance of where his sexuality sat and not have her witness his romantic spree with White through the gaps of walls. Yet, his ability to care about Namo had been pushed back from the forefront worry towards his main focus. White’s safety would always be Sean’s first priority.
However, as the tale went, his texts would go unanswered. Sean looked longingly at the text bubbles he had sent all morning, waiting for just a shred of White’s attention like a loyal dog. As the day grew longer and the moon began to rise in the sky, Sean was on the edge of his seat with anxiety. Nothing, he had heard nothing from White for an entire night and a day.
His boyfriend senses were tingling and it wasn’t a good tingle.
After classes, when Sean pulled up to the garage he was greeted to the sight of everyone’s bike parked outside. Black’s bike standing out like a lone gem amongst the rough. There was a sigh of relief that passed his lungs as he parked next to it, ghosting his fingers across the cooled engine. White had been here a while, maybe that was why he had been ghosting Sean for so long.
For good measure, he stole a few breaths from the cool night before he entered the garage. Taking a long minute to collect himself until his face was masked to show indifference. He would not show White how worried he was. White didn’t need to feel bad about worrying him on top of everything else he has on his plate. When he achieved calmness, he pushed open the sliding wall and slipped inside sideways. Fiddling with the strap of his helmet as he came towards the main hallway.
In the airbrush room, he could hear the low muffle of voices arguing feverishly. He casted his gaze to it and walked towards it, similar to a child’s curiosity that urged them to sit on the stairs to listen to their parents near divorce. It was hard to make out who was arguing about what, Gumpa always had to have the loudest voice, but the boom of Yok’s normally soft cadence was jarring. Sean furrowed his eyebrows at the thought of Yok actually raising his voice at Hia.
They all had respect for the older man, he treated them like they were his own flesh in blood. Hell, Sean was way past the age of adoption, but sometimes his little orphan brain akin Gumpa to a father. Their vigilant gang may have moments when they fight, yet this eavesdropped disagreement had a strange air to it. Sean backed away from the room, his shoulders falling down when a wave of looming dread consumed him.
This feeling, this dread , was so similar to the day the police knocked on his childhood home’s door to tell them they killed his ‘drug-dealing’ father.
Sean hated this feeling. He needed to find White now and just make sure he was okay.
In an almost break-neck speed, Sean had planned to parkour scale the ladder to the second story to get to his bedroom. His first thought was that White was hiding away up there, if he wasn’t there Sean was going to circle the perimeter of the building since he knew the little guy liked watching the birds out back. However, as Sean was planning up his third plan of action he found White out in the open, sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands.
He skidded to halt, Sean’s feet literally dragging across the ground as he came to the image of White looking so bone tired it was evident on his face. Normally, when White got sad, he would pout all big and dramatic. The type of facial expression that Sean would poke and probe with a curious finger to see just an upturn of a lip. Seeing White like this… his heart ached in his chest. Pulsing with pity that such an expression would ever grace such a benevolent soul. White didn’t deserve to be this hurt.
As if Sean was approaching a skittish animal, he kept his pace slow as he came up on White. It was when he was a small set of steps from him, that White finally looked up at him.
He looked tired, more tired than what he looked like when he left the garage yesterday. The bags under his eyes were defined and his pupils calloused, stone-cold. Instead of Black’s staple jean vest, White was wearing a heavy black zip up jacket that swamped his frame, hood pulled just slightly over the rise of his messy hair. White looked as if he just got the worst news of his life and Sean’s insides screamed to comfort him.
He needed to see White’s smile that was so sunny looking, it could make flowers grow. Sean would rip a star from the sky just to put the sparkle back in his eyes. White safety was his first priority, his second priority was never letting the beautiful light in White’s soul go out.
“Hey,” Sean kept his voice soft, purposely coddling White when he needed it the most. He set his bike helmet down on the coffee table, taking great care not to let the plastic clang before he took a seat next to White.
White side-eyed him, untrustful, body language locking up to turn himself away from Sean’s pity. “Hey,” his voice sounded rougher, deeper even. Almost like he went outside and smoked a bunch of cigarettes to adopt a manlier tone. It was the first time White sounded so similar to his brother, his voice too mellow to hit such a tenor.
You know, as this whole exchange went on, Sean was waiting for White to snap. For his eyes to bubble with tears and his body go flying across the gap to cajole Sean in a bone-crushing hug. It felt right when White cried and buried himself in the warmth of a sturdy body, yet as they sat next to each other. That understanding wasn’t there anymore. There was a clear line drawn, separating White from Sean.
Having that come from a touchy person like White, it was pitiful. Sean leaned forward, his hand finding the familiar rise of White’s cheek and he thumbed over the pale skin so cold it was similar to touching a corpse. Sean shuffled closer, letting himself loom over White protectively and hold his face in his hands like he was as important as the sun in the sky. “Tell me who broke your heart, baby." Sean whispered in the stagnant air, eyes becoming foggy from just the image of White’s brokenness.
Horror.
Painted across White’s face was disgusted horror.
A shriveled look of furrowed eyebrows and a gaping mouth that transformed itself in a deja-vu inducing sneer. Sean remembered a sneer like that, a month ago that sneer was as familiar as the back of his hand, until White replaced it with his beloved smile.
It was then, when the nightmare had been scrutinized to the highest degree, Sean was pushed backwards off the couch and onto the icy ground.
His ass hit the cement hard, a squawk ripping itself from his mouth just as a shoe made itself friends with his soft inner belly. Sean cried out in pain, adrenaline snapping hard at his veins as he was kicked again and again by Black . No other fucking person would kick him like this without any remorse for his important inners.
If that was Black… Where the fuck was White?!
“Black!” Thankfully reinforcements were called, Gram materializing from wherever shadow he had been hiding in to grab the snarling Black by the shoulders.
Unlike White who would have fell limply in the hold, Black fought like a fish caught on a hook. Throwing out another fist that sent Gram tumbling backwards, palm cupped at the bridge of his nose that told Black succeeded in his throw. An unnatural 20. “What the fuck was that!” Black shout was incredulous, burning with fury as he stared down at Sean.
Now this was surely a terrible place for Sean to get himself backed up into. White and Black were identical to each other and he was fucking aware of this information! It was why he had rubbed White’s wrists raw with the rope to tell the two apart, but here he was, not looking at his own hints. He had to hold Black’s face in his hand like he had done a thousand times with White and got his ass beat for doing it!
“You--” Black was not done with his berating, snapping downwards to grab Sean by the collar of his shirt. Up close, Sean knew why he could never love Black like he loved White. With that scowl, Black made himself the ugliest person in the world. “What the fuck was that,” he repeated, so mad he was seething. “Who the fuck did you think I was.” Now that, it was a cue for Sean to get up and fucking run.
His flight or fight instincts were kicking in like a slap to a horse’s rear. It said ‘Get out boy! You’re gonna get yourself castrated.’ Yet, as if Black could read his mind, Sean was held in an iron-grip, landlocked in a bodily slant by his collar. “Where is he?” Sean's voice came out in a pant, his neck straining from where his shirt was pulled at.
“Where’s who, Sean?!” Black barked, spittle flying from his mouth and onto Sean’s face. “Who did you think I was?!”
“Where is your brother!” Sean met Black in his energy, ending his bluff. He needed to know where White was, he needed to know he was safe. Sean wasn’t going to say he had a bad feeling, it was uselessly superstitious, but damn was it consuming him with dread-- crawling up his arm in sharp pinpricks.
The laugh Black gave was cold, sardonic in nature as he threw Sean away recklessly. He fell backwards, the top of his shoulders bouncing off the concrete as Black laughed again. Something that sounded so… unhinged. Breaking sanity as he gripped at his face, fingertips dragging downwards to give a sinister curl into his skin. Gram came rushing forward, he always came to Black when he needed it. Touching his shoulder in a passive gesture that was thrown off.
Black stumbled a few feet, catching himself on the arm of the couch as if his knees were about to give out. “Just my fucking luck,” he jeered to himself, yet was loud enough for both Gram and Sean to hear, “first we have Yok trying to get us all caught by bringing a fucking pig in our ranks and now we have Sean-- fucking Sean! You have got to be fucking kidding me!”
Sean was boiling, if his anger was liquid in a pot it would be bubbling out from the lid. “Where is he?” A pause, “what did you do to him?” It was the last thing Sean wanted to think of, Black hurting his own brother. Yet in the way he was acting, Sean wouldn’t trust Black as far as he could throw him. There was this smarting pain in Sean’s side that told him that Black wasn’t thinking all that clear right now.
Whatever happened to him this month, he came back to his empire burned to ash and rubble. Sean had no clue what Yok had brought up or why he would bring in a fucking cop, but that was for another time. Right now he has bigger problems to resolve.
Black on his end had looked at Sean like he was the crazy one. Completely forgetting he just evilly cackled to himself not a minute earlier. “Gone.” Sean’s heart fell from his chest and splattered to the ground, “I told him to get fucking lost.”
“You told him what?!” Sean felt like a goddamn parrot, repeating everything Black said to him. He scrambled upwards, hands scraping on the harsh stone as he rose back up to his feet. Black immediately went on guard, his shoulders locking close to his body and fists ready to fly. “We are being followed,” Sean felt like he was ranting to an audience of hecklers, unheard and being mad fun of, “there are people looking for your description-- your brother’s description and you told him to get lost?! Do you know what type of danger you are putting him in?!”
“Yes! Away from this danger!” Black’s voice echoed around them, bouncing off the walls to strike in Sean’s chest. “He was never supposed to show up, never supposed to trust that two-timer fucker Todd, but he did, because he’s fucking naïve! And it only goes to show since you tricked him into being your toy to play with!” Black started moving forward, pushing Sean backwards as he came upon him with thundering steps and an accusing finger. “How did it feel Sean? If you knew it was my goddamn brother, how did it feel to fuck him?! Did it make you feel better? Did it give you power to bring me down a fucking peg-- to go for my whore brother?!”
And Sean just swung. His fist flew before his brain could catch up. The knuckle of fist making good friends with the hard bone of Black’s jaw. He sent that fucker back, his steps uncoordinated as he crashed into the coffee table and down he fell. A tower, big and strong, reduced to nothing, but ironwork and glass. “Don’t you EVER call White that!” The vein in Sean’s forehead bulged a cobalt blue under the strain of sheer fury that shook his entire diaphragm, “I don’t care if he’s brother, but if you ever dare speak of him that way again I’ll do more than punch you!”
Black dabbed at his lip, finger coming up a shimmery red. In a way that was so Black, he quizzically observed the color of his own blood on the tip of his finger, as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. Allowing his actions to be languid, uncaring to the argument to draw out Sean’s fury. “Fucker,” he sniffed at him, lifting up his chin and looking down at him through his bottom eyelashes.
“No-- you are fucker! ” Sean wasn’t done, he’d never get off this high horse. “You have been gone for a fucking month and you’re brother has done more work around here then you have done in years . And your thanks to him is shunning him away.”
Black had the audacity to laugh at Sean, uprighting himself on a shaky two feet. “Thanking him? Sean, I don’t know what spell he put you under, but White isn’t like us. Never has, never will be,” he fluttered his hand off in a direction, a motion of explaining everything about White. “Have you ever thought he might just be sleeping with you out of pity? I can only think he is pity fucking you, if he’s stooping low enough to likes of you.” Black was suicidal enough to approach Sean again, poking his finger right in Sean’s sternum. “Sean. The Hot-headed, traumatized little orphan, with both mommy and daddy issues? And him?” Black gave a short bark of laughter, “a cry baby. Can’t stand up for himself, a carbon copy of my father. White left with my father on his own right, he was the one who deserted me here in this shit country!”
Black had increased volume into a full shout, voice straining as he jabbed his finger again and again into Sean’s sternum as if he was stabbing a butcher knife. “He’s gone Sean. White’s fucking dipped back to daddy to go cry like he always has and will. He may be my baby brother, but I know how weak he is.”
Weak.
If Sean had to think of a word to describe White, it was never weak. White was headstrong with eyes that held flames of a burning building. White was small, but he took every task given to him and he got it done. No matter how outlandish or unbalanced to his strengths, he tried his fucking best. He jumped over every gap he thought he couldn’t make and climbed up every tower to get to the place he stood today. White was not weak, White was one of the strongest people Sean had ever met.
To be met with an issue and immediately go in head first to bring justice, it was reckless, but it was White . Protective White who would go through hell and back for his big brother. White had looked Sean in the eyes when he was almost killed in Tawi’s burning mansion and had the audacity to yell at him. White was pale skin and small stature, but he had the heart of a bull beating in his tiny chest.
Weak? Don’t make Sean fucking laugh.
White may look weak, but that was a façade he wore to confuse the predator. Nobody ever expected the hare to strike. A gentle animal with a vicious tongue. “If you think White is weak then you truly do not know the person your brother is, Black.” For the first time, Sean felt weird for saying that name to the right person. To attach that name to a person who truly deserved such a name. A sucking void of darkness that consumed all the color in his life. If White wore rose-colored glasses, Black’s frames were noir. His trust in the world was gone and it had him lashing out on everyone he loved. “Where’s your brother, Black? I’m going to get him.”
“Hell you aren’t,” Black latched onto his arm, holding Sean in place. His hand pausing in mid grab to the helmet on the table. Gram standing right across from him, frozen solid in place. Like a robot that has yet to be turned on yet. Sean wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake Gram until he finally could see the person Black has become. Stopping all the damn excuses he gave to such a shit person. “He’s done getting involved with this, Sean. He isn’t coming back.”
Sean knocked his shoulder back, throwing Black’s hand off his bicep to grab his discarded helmet. “Good, I’m glad. Finally he can stop worrying about an asshole like you, that doesn’t deserve a shred of his sympathy,” his words were freezing cold as he delivered his third degree, “If you didn’t catch the first half, we are being followed and it’s safer if he’s here with us.” Sean didn’t turn around, he couldn’t even look at Black right now. If he did, he thinks he would throw up. “If you care about White, you’d keep him close to you, because he cares about you.” He spoke through gritted teeth, “you wouldn’t even begin to imagine the kind of stress you put him through this entire month. How much he worried about you, how precious you are to him and you repay it with acting like this. Speaking poorly of his name when he has done nothing, but clean up your goddamn mess. You’re fucking disgusting.”
“I don’t need your insults,” Black lowly responded, speaking to Sean’s sturdy back, “I already know I am an asshole. A big enough asshole to keep him out of this dumpster fire.”
“And I'll play the asshole who’s gonna bring him back into this 'dumpster fire', because unlike you, I love him so goddamn much.” and Sean didn’t wait for Black’s response. His feet just started moving and he was strutting out of the main room to the sliding wall he had entered.
Sean needed to find White before someone else found him. He loved White, loved him enough he would go through burning bridges and high waters for his safety. No matter what Black snarled and snapped it fell on deaf ears, because Sean was the type of guy that when he had something on his mind he was going to see it through. White still had his one order that needed to be fulfilled to Sean and he thinks he knows what he wants White to do.
Never leave my side again.