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Garak stirred, feeling the covers shifting over him as he rolled towards Julian. Julian’s side of the bed was cool to the touch. When had Garak become so accustomed to sleeping with another person that his partner getting out of bed didn’t immediately lurch him into an alert defensive state? Tain would be ashamed. If he could only see me now. He’d probably slit my throat in my sleep. Garak made a mental note to stop sleeping so soundly. Julian was making him soft, and if he weren’t careful, it would be the death of both of them.
Although Julian wasn’t in bed, there was something on his pillow. A tiny box. Garak cautiously reached for it, half expecting it to explode. Upon closer inspection he could see that it was wrapped in shiny silver, and had a note on the top in Julian’s handwriting. “Open me. PS this is not a bomb. Love, Julian.”
Garak wasn’t sure whether to chuckle or groan at how well Julian knew him. This too was disconcerting, he mulled, as he carefully removed the wrapping. Knowledge is power, and by God did Julian have power over Garak. Letting this kind, charming, awkwardly graceful man into his life was likely the most selfish and stupidest thing Garak had ever done. Yet–as he pulled off the lid of the box to reveal four Delavian chocolates nestled together inside–he somehow couldn’t bring himself to care. Which perhaps was the most frightening thing of all.
Before dwelling on that delightful thought for too long–a mystery. Garak needed to figure out just why his dear doctor was leaving him Delavian chocolates on his pillow. Hopefully it was one of these human things that Julian liked to do “just because.” Yes, the doctor knew a lot, but he couldn’t possibly know that–
“Ah, Garak!” exclaimed Julian as he popped his head round the side of the bedroom door. “I thought I heard you rustling around in here. I’m so glad you’re finally awake!” He bounced inside the room and hopped onto the bed, leaning over Garak to give him a quick kiss. He jumped up again, tugging on Garak’s hand that wasn’t holding the box of chocolates. “Come on! I’ve got a surprise for you!”
“My dear,” started Garak. “You do know how I feel about surprises…” unable to deny his partner anything though, he dutifully followed Julian, who was practically vibrating in anticipation, into the main room of their quarters.
At first glance he thought that perhaps there had been a replicator malfunction that had caused an eruption of colorful decor, large floating hearts, and a breakfast array enough for at least five people. When he looked at Julian’s beaming face, glancing expectantly between Garak and the cacophony of delights, he realized that this was just Julian being Julian–sweet, thoughtful, over the top, Julian.
“My dear, this is quite the sight!” he managed, wrapping an arm around Julian’s waist so he could press a kiss to the other man’s cheek. “May I inquire as to the occasion?”
“It’s Valentine’s Day!” chirped Julian. “An ancient Earth holiday, meant for people to celebrate their love. Although if I remember correctly, the origin of the holiday was rather violent…something about a beheading? You’d probably like that though! Anyway, no one really celebrates it anymore, but I thought it would be fun. Come on, sit down and have some breakfast! I have more surprises for you.”
Garak smiled indulgently at his partner and gave him another, longer kiss before pulling out Julian’s chair and then sitting down himself. “You know,” he began, as Julian poured him a cup of Tarkalean tea and started to put far too many pastries onto a plate, “if I had known about this Valentine’s Day of yours I’d have prepared some surprises of my own.”
Julian grinned at him. “I know. That’s why I kept it a secret! I wanted it to be a day where I’d get to lavish all the attention on you, make it special. Plus, you’re so hard to hide anything from, so I knew if I could pull it off it would be extra fun!”
“Well, you did at that” responded Garak. “I am frankly astonished, and none too little horrified at myself that you were able to engage in this level of subterfuge without my realizing it.”
“Oh, don’t get down on yourself, Garak” Julian assured, nudging the Cardassian playfully with his shoulder. “I was very, very careful. Besides, if I am becoming a more accomplished liar, who is there to thank but you?”
“Hm” mused Garak. The good doctor did have a point. Perhaps…just this once…he could allow himself to leave that part of himself behind. The mistrusting, hypervigilant, cruel part. The part who could never, ever deserve such a creature as was looking at him right now, cream puff in hand, a dusting of powdered sugar having somehow already ended up on his nose. Julian had done this for him. Because for some inexplicable reason, Julian cared about him. Loved him, even. No matter how many times Garak tried to convince him he shouldn’t. So for this man, the best, strongest man he knew, couldn’t Garak do this? Be in the moment? Enjoy himself? For this man, for Julian, Garak could do anything. And would. He reached over and gently pulled Julian into his lap, placing a soft kiss on the end of his nose. Garak could taste the sweetness of the sugar. Cloying, light. Like nothing he was ever allowed to enjoy as a child. Perhaps he could allow himself to enjoy it now. He took the cream puff from Julian’s hand and offered the doctor a bite before taking one himself. He could get used to this. At least for one day.
*********
As much as Garak would have liked to, they couldn’t linger over breakfast all day. Julian had to get to the infirmary, and Garak had a couple commissions being picked up later that he needed to add the final touches to. Julian did, between goodbye kisses, elicit a promise from Garak to meet him in Quark’s at 20:00h. When Garak commented archly that after that breakfast, dinner at Quark’s could hardly be considered a romantic overture, Julian just smiled, more enigmatically than Garak had ever known him too. He has been spending far too much time with me Garak thought, unable though to bring himself to consider that a bad thing. Not today.
Garak worked steadily through the morning. He felt light, buoyant, like the filling of Julian’s cream puff. He may have been a monster, but he was a monster with the love of an angel. And an eye for the latest fashions, he had to admit. Even his customers noticed the change in his mood, though only Jadzia was brave (or stupid) enough to point it out to him. Of course Julian had involved her in his little scheme. The “have fun later!” that she sang out as she left his shop, new dress in hand, was positively…foreboding.
Just has Garak was beginning to contemplate a quick trip to the Replimat, Quark appeared in his shop, holding a tray. “I’m sorry, Quark, but I’m afraid your jacket won’t be ready until next week.”
“Not to worry, I’m here on other business” replied Quark as he set down the tray on the worktable. “Doctor’s orders.”
What has Julian done now? “Ah, I see.” was all Garak replied.
Quark lifted the lid of the tray. On it was Garak’s usual lunch order, but the food had been arranged in a…heart shape.
“You’ll be pleased to know I arranged that myself” added Quark, completely deadpan. “I was also instructed to give you this–” he proffered a PADD towards Garak. His straight face faltered, as though he were trying very hard to hold in a laugh. “A compilation of Vulcan love poems. Do–do enjoy!” At this point the “trying” was failing, and Quark was outright laughing at him.
To his credit, he stopped laughing immediately when Garak’s hand wrapped around his throat. “And what, might I ask, do you find so amusing about the good doctor’s kindness?” he hissed into Quark’s ear.
A gulp. “N-nothing! Not funny at all! I was just…laughing at a joke my brother Rom told earlier today.”
Garak, feeling exceptionally generous on this day, released his grip. “Well, your brother Rom is renowned on the station for his keen sense of humor. I shall be sure to ask him to recount this joke for me when I see him next.”
“See that you do!” replied Quark, quickly backing away towards the door. “Well, I have to get back to the bar. Enjoy your lunch!”
Garak allowed himself a small smile as he sat before his lunch and picked up the PADD. Torturing Quark had just added some extra brightness to an already concerningly good day.
*******
At 19:55h Garak was finished with work and was at the bar in Quark’s waiting for Julian. Quark seemed to be studiously avoiding Garak which was really how he preferred things. He sat at the bar and kept a wary eye on his surroundings. He knew the second Julian entered the bar, and their eyes met instantly, Julian breaking into a wide grin as he hurried over to where Garak sat, accidentally jostling, and subsequently apologizing to, several people with the large bag he had slung over his shoulder.
“Let me take that for you, my dear” Garak said as he slid the strap off Julian’s shoulder at the same time the other man leaned in for a kiss and hug. He was such a tactile person, always wanted a physical greeting. Yet another thing that Garak found he did not mind. “What is all this?”
Julian’s grin intensified. “Surprise!” he replied. “Come on, we’ve got Holosuite Two for three hours.” Allowing Garak to continue carrying the bag, he turned to Quark and held his hand out for the program.
“Enjoy” said Quark, quickly shutting the case of programs and hurrying to the other end of the bar to top off Morn’s drink.
“Hm, that was strange” said Julian, his brow furrowing for a moment before he turned his attention and glowing smile back to Garak.
“This isn’t another one of your Julian Bashir, Secret Agent programs, is it?” asked Garak. “Is this bag full of tuxedos?”
Julian laughed. “No, Garak. This is your day. I picked something special, something I think you will really like. Come on!”
Once again taking Garak’s hand, Julian led him up the spiral staircase to the holosuites. Once they reached the door he took the bag from him and told him “wait here one minute. I want to get it running before you come in.”
Garak nodded and began diligently counting in his head as Julian all but skipped into the holosuite. After a minute passed he pressed the control to open the door.
Immediately, a warm breeze wafted over him as he stepped inside. It was night, and he was outside underneath a sky filled with stars. Julian stood in front of him, smiling. And it was warm. So warm, he wanted to stretch out and luxuriate in the feeling forever. The air was slightly damp and salty as well, and wrapped around him like a blanket as he breathed in deeply, greedily.
“Like it?” asked Julian as Garak stepped towards him and took him in his arms. “I set the temperature controls to within ideal Cardassian parameters.”
“It is lovely, thank you” replied Garak. “Although, Cardassian and human parameters are not the same. Will you be too warm?”
“Not once I change into this” Julian said mischievously, holding up a pair of shorts. “I brought you something as well–I figured even you might not need all your usual layers in here.”
Garak took the garments that Julian held out to him. A wide-necked shirt with short sleeves, and some loose pants made out of an incredibly soft material. “Ah, I see” he said, matching Julian’s mischievous smile. “You just wanted to see me scandalously dressed.”
Julian laughed. “You got me. Now, get changed so we can have some fun.”
They both changed their clothes, sneaking glances at each other as though they had never seen the other unclothed before. Once changed, Julian held out his hand to Garak, who once again followed him, this time down a short path.
They emerged next to a body of water, a small, clear boat floating by the shore. “Are we going in that?” asked Garak.
“We are indeed” replied Julian. “This is a special place, come on.” He steadied the boat as Garak got in, trying very hard to look perfectly at ease as he settled himself in. Julian got in behind him, holding a double-ended paddle. He gently pushed off from shore and began paddling them towards the center of the body of water.
“Look down” he told Garak, who glanced down between his legs at the clear bottom of the boat and gasped. The water was glowing as it passed underneath the boat, rushing like the spray of light on a viewscreen as one traveled at warp speed. He glanced over at where the flats of the paddles entered the water, a glowing drop each place they entered, rippling out in their wake. In wonder, he dipped a hand in the water, watched his own fingers leave a trail of lightning, nothing remaining on his hand as he lifted it from the water to hold in front of his face.
“It’s bioluminescent” said Julian, answering the question Garak hadn’t put into words. “This program is Vieques, Puerto Rico–it has the brightest bioluminescent bay on all of Earth. Microscopic creatures create that glow when they are disturbed. It’s one of my favorite places on the planet.”
Garak looked down and watched a fish swim past, glowing from head to tail. “I can certainly see the appeal” he replied.
They had almost reached the center of the bay, and Julian stopped paddling now, letting the boat coast and resting the paddle along the side. He slid forward and eased Garak back until he was leaning against him, resting between his legs with Julian’s arms wrapped round his chest. This was not a typical posture for them, typically Garak was the “big spoon” as Julian liked to call it for some reason. But today, since it was a special day, the day Garak would let go, he let go. He allowed himself to relax in Julian’s embrace, to lean his head back against the other man’s shoulder so he could look up at the stars. And if doing so meant that all Julian needed to do was turn his head to kiss along the scales so enticingly revealed by the wide neckline of his shirt…well, that was okay too.
They continued to float, the magic of the holosuite ensuring that they didn’t bump into the shoreline but remained suspended. Weightless. Timeless. The warmth of the air mixed with the warmth of Julian’s body pressed against Garak. He had never in his life, even as a child, been held with such tenderness. He felt soft inside. His heart had been disturbed by Julian Bashir, and now it too luminesced. He shut his eyes and turned his face into the juncture of Julian’s neck and shoulder, breathing deeply. He was cradled, so gently, floating away. The sweetness of this day, of this embrace, of this man threatened to overwhelm him. What had Tain taught him, time and time again? Sentiment is weakness. And now he was filled with it, flooded with it, overflowing with sentiment. He had said “only this day” but now that he had a taste, he did not know if he could ever give it up.
Julian had given him so much today, gave him so much every day. Perhaps Garak could give him something as well. Something he still tried to hold close, but that Julian grew nearer to every time he looked into his eyes. He could give him his trust.
“Julian” he murmured into his neck.
“Yes, Garak?” Julian responded softly, dropping a kiss onto the top of his head.
Garak sighed. Opened his eyes. Looked up at the stars. “Today is my birthday.”
He half expected Julian to burst out, to exclaim “Happy Birthday” to him, to rebuke him for not telling him sooner. What Julian did instead though, was tighten his arms around Garak, kiss his ear and say “what made you decide to tell me now?”
“Having met Enabran Tain, I’m sure you can imagine that I did not have the most…pleasant childhood” Garak started. “Things like birthdays were not something to be celebrated. Those were for other boys, soft boys, boys who were not destined for greatness in the Obsidian Order. On my birthday, Tain tended to make my punishments more severe, to remind me that I was not special. Not loved.” As Garak spoke, Julian gently ran his hands up and down his arms, soothing him. Garak knew that, in his own way, Julian understood how it felt not to be loved by your parents. Never to be good enough for them. Garak wanted to be good enough for Julian. Only for Julian.
He continued. “So, every year I would dread my birthday. Try to keep my head down just to get past it in one piece. I’ve loathed the day ever since, and have kept its date secret from everyone, even removed it from my records.”
“I know” Julian let out a low laugh. “I tried to look it up once, wanted to surprise you.”
Garak smiled into the darkness. “Well, you succeeded at that” he allowed. “You know, I may never want to celebrate my birthday. But this Valentine’s Day…”
Julian hugged Garak tighter to him again. “Yeah? You like it? Even though I accidentally reminded you of your birthday?”
“My dear, you seem to have the unique ability out of any individual in the galaxy to shed some light into the shadows of my past. That you went to all this trouble, just for me–”
Julian interrupted him. “Not just for you, Garak. I did it because you, despite all that you try to convince me otherwise, deserve love. You deserve to feel special. To feel…safe. To know that you matter to someone as much as you matter to me. I love you, and I’ll do Valentine’s Day every day of the year if that’s what it takes to convince you.”
Garak smiled, turned his face again into Julian’s neck. “I don’t think Quark would survive for long if he were bringing me lunches every day.”
Julian laughed aloud. “He owed me a favor, I couldn’t resist making him bring you a romantic lunch.”
“You do know how I love to make that man uncomfortable. What a special Valentine’s Day treat” Garak joked.
“Anything for you” Julian whispered.
Garak turned his head so he could look into Julian’s face. He stared into his eyes, the bioluminescence of the water reflecting like stars. “I love you, Julian.”
“I love you too, Elim” Julian whispered in his ear.
Those words were all he needed. Garak let himself close his eyes again, revel in the feeling of Julian around him, Julian gently kissing his forehead, Julian stroking his arms and his hair. They floated together in the bioluminescent bay, just for this day a universe of two.