Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Really?" Arcade said, not even bothering to mask the incredulity in his voice. " Really ?"

"Oh, what, so dudes I've killed are off-limits? Let me rephrase that," Viv said, holding a fist to his mouth to hiccup. "It wasn't like-- Dude, you didn't  see  him, okay? Didn't hear  him, he had this  voice  like-- He referred to Nipton as a 'town of whores' and I felt so, so wrong in my pants."

"Nipton. The town he  razed to the ground ."

"Okay, new rule: you don't get to make me feel bad about my inappropriate boners."

"Of which there are many."

Viv chuckled, eventually spilling into a full-blown laugh and the tension in his belly eased up when Arcade started chuckling too, reaching over to take the bottle from his hands. Christ, Viv was glad they had reached this point. It had actually been a relief when they'd admitted that they'd make a horrible couple. Being friends was so much better. Friends who occasionally got drunk and fooled around, but still, friends. And it had been ages,  ages  since Viv had anyone to talk about guys with. Not giggling schoolgirl bullshit, he was a certified badass, but whatever, just talking, blowing off steam. And apparently this was a pleasure Arcade had never allowed himself, and was reluctant to indulge in until a few shots of whiskey and Viv's insistence that it would be scientific.

"Scientific," Arcade had said flatly.

"Yeah!" Viv said, a little more enthusiastic after a little more than a few shots for himself. "Like... this way, we'll know each other a little better. Know each other's tastes, an' that way we'll be even more awesome brothers-in-arms!"

"So if I find out you have a thing for redheads, and you're about to ventilate the skull of a redheaded Fiend, you can toss me this wistful look and I can say, 'I  know '?"

"Your hypothetical scenarios are just... the  worst . Okay how 'bout this: this way we can be aware if there's gonna be overlap in targets."

"Overlap in targ--?  Oh. "

"Yeah."

"You really don't have to worry about that."

"If you keep hangin' with me, and you keep drinkin', then it's gonna be more an' more likely. I am determined to get you to let your hair down every once in a while."

"Just so we're clear, 'let your hair down' in Viv-speak means 'get raucously drunk and dance on a table at the Wrangler,' right?"

"Hey. We made like a hundred caps that night, why the fuck are you complaining."

A little more whiskey, a couple of awkward admissions and they were finding themselves in a good groove. "Okay," Arcade said, taking another swig from the bottle for fortitude, "I let that Horrible Dog-Headed Legion Mass Murderer thing slide so you don't get to make fun of me for this."

"I swear."

Arcade took a deep breath and mumbled as fast as his lips would let him, "James Garrett."

"Dude. That is  nothing  to be ashamed of."

"Really?" Arcade looked visibly relieved. "Because, I mean, he  is  good-looking--"

"He totally is."

"Well, of course  you'd  think so," Arcade rolled his eyes, "you're a sucker for anything in a suit."

"Don't go there," Viv warned.

Arcade waved a hand at him. "Anyway. Yeah. I had a thing for him for a while. But then I found out he only has eyes for Fisto." He took another swig and tossed a harsh look. " You  made that happen, by the way. You ruined what could have been a beautiful thing between me and a man I'd barely said five words to by activating that metal-plated hussy."

"Yeah, like you're so up to yer neck in ass that you can sneer at a sexbot. OH MY GOD. ARCADE!" Viv eagerly clapped a hand on the startled doctor's shoulder, eyes lit up with glee. "You should have a threesome with Fisto and James!"

"Oh my god," Arcade groaned, head thunking against the wall behind him.

"IT WOULD BE AMAZING. Don't pretend you'd say no to bein' on your hands and knees making out with Garrett while Fisto was behind you two, pulling a--" Viv dissolved in a manic sputter of laughter and barely got out, "pulling a double-Fisto."

Arcade's mouth was a thin line as he glared at Viv. "Okay. You went there. We're going back to your things for guys in suits."

Viv deflated. "Come on, dude, don't."

"So, giggling and twirling your hair around your finger every time the King  exists  near you, how's that working out for you?"

Viv looked down, toying nervously with a loose thread at a frayed seam on his fatigues. "That's kind of..." He fucking  knew  he was blushing like a little bitch, and even though it usually barely showed up on his dark complexion, Arcade had a sixth sense about these kind of things. "That's not fun to talk about."

Arcade shrugged. "So you're in love with him, whatever. You want to have ten million of his babies. It's like you and half of Freeside."

"I  get it , I am a  horrible cliché  and it's all the  stupid, sexy King's fault ," Viv groaned.

Arcade handed him the bottle, which he gratefully accepted. "Okay, so just so I'm getting this right," he said as Viv drank, "talking about guys you think are kind of hot is good..."

"...But talking about guys who make your heart beat a little faster by just existing is bad, yes," Viv said, handing the bottle back.

Arcade nodded. "Okay. Because?"

"Because feelings are lame. Kissing is awesome."

"Got it," Arcade said with a more resolute nod. "So. Guys you think are kind of hot--"

"Yes."

"--when you're not clutching your pillow at night wishing it were the King--"

"You are  evil ."

"Would it even things out if I admitted I kind of had a thing for men in uniform?"

"Oh my god!" Viv immediately brightened as though he had never even heard of the blues. "There's someone I TOTALLY have to introduce you to!"

"Oh, god."

"No, he's a hot soldier stationed way south of here and you should TOTALLY hook up! And we're gonna be heading down there soon! 'Cause that Crimson Caravans lady gave me a job to go talk to a drunk-ass cowgirl I met there, and this guy will still probably  totally  be there! He was all shifty and secretive about liking dick at first but then we fooled around in this supply shed and--"

"I am not going to 'hook up' with anyone who's been inside you."

Viv looked genuinely crestfallen. "But we could compare notes," he said sounding so heartbroken as though Arcade had literally just punched a basket of puppies in the face right in front of him.

"That's a thing? That's another thing I didn't know we were supposed to do?"

Viv looked away for a second, hazily drunk. Then he looked back at Arcade, snapping his fingers in that way he did when he was drunk and trying to remember something. "In Novac," he said, still snapping. "In Novac, there's this ex-soldier--"

"Say no more," Arcade held up a hand. "I used to see him when I went down there to visit... someone."

"He's  hot , right?" Viv hissed.

Arcade nodded solemnly. "I can't explain it. He's not particularly handsome and he has the personality of a turnip but my knees turned to jelly the first time he stomped past me to get to that dino head."

"His personality was not turnip-like," Viv said a bit defensively. "He was alright. Granted, I flirted my ass off with him to get some information, so that may have warmed him up a little, but--"

Arcade sputtered. "And he was receptive?" he said, shocked and just a little indignant.

"Receptive? Shit, we hooked up. It was all well an' good until he moaned out some other dude's name--"

"He had a  wife  when I visited!"

Viv blinked. "Wait.  That  surly motherfucker,  that's  who got your knees all jellified?"

"Well, what ex-soldier are  you  talking about?"

"Manny," Viv said plainly. "The friendly, non-scowly one who's actually into dudes and doesn't talk like he's trying to hold two coins between his back teeth."

"Ah. Well, then."

" Oh my god ," Viv hissed again, a wicked grin spreading across his face. "You fell for that dark'n'broody act, you big girl! You no longer get to give me shit about the King, because you are  worse !"

"I don't like this game," Arcade said sharply. "This game isn't fun anymore."

Viv laughed, settling against the wall next to Arcade and taking the bottle from his fingers. After a swig he said, "So. We're drunk. You wanna make out?"

"Not when you're being  mean ."

"Aw, come on. Wait, wait!" Viv sat up and put a hand on Arcade's shoulder until he looked over at him, then set his face into a grim, exaggerated scowl and growled, "How 'bout now?"

Arcade may or may not have punched him in the arm. Viv was too busy laughing like an idiot to notice.