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Sneaking into Huerta Memorial after-hours hadn’t been easy the first time. He was lucky that the night shift nurse recognized him and seemed reluctant to deny Commander Shepard his visiting “rights”. But this was now his sixth—seventh?—visit and the nurses were familiar with him and with his case. The nurse that day was new, though, which made him worry a little when he walked towards the desk earlier.
It was funny how many people didn’t question the number of times he visited his former subordinate. Of course, if Kaidan had been awake, the story would have been different. He didn’t know if Kaidan would even tolerate his presence.
So, he'd take these chances while he still had them, to watch over Kaidan as he slept, as he recovered. Garrus kept giving him knowing looks whenever he returned to the Normandy after one of his visits. The one that said, “what you’re doing would be considered creepy, Shepard. But good thing I know you.”
Well, okay, the look didn’t exactly say that. And Garrus was probably thinking something along the line of, “give it up, Shepard. You're starting to look pathetic now.”
Still, though, it calmed his nerves to see Kaidan. Even though he was covered in bruises and he wasn’t even conscious yet. But to watch him breathe, to watch his chest move…it eased some of John’s fears.
His nightmares weren’t all about running through a misty forest, chasing after a dead little boy. Some of them were of Mars, of standing there unable to do anything as that crazed robot pummeled Kaidan into oblivion. There was a reason why he couldn’t bear to look at EDI in that new shell of hers.
Every time he looked at that thing, he could only think of Kaidan’s still form, the way each breath seemed to be a chore.
The nurse led him to Kaidan’s room, motioning him to sit. He was surprised to find a comfortable chair there, one where he wouldn’t have to worry about falling asleep and then falling off, where he could keep a silent vigil over Kaidan. When he turned to thank the nurse, she placed a finger on her lips, winked at him, and then walked out the door. It shut behind her with a muted swish, leaving him alone with his unconscious…friend? No, while John still considered Kaidan to be a friend, he doubted the feeling was mutual. Subordinate? The fact that Kaidan was now a Major meant that was no longer true.
So what were they, then? It was a strange place to be, this tentative ground.
He didn’t know if their friendship was still salvageable or if his chains to Cerberus had salted the ground.
He sat down with a heavy sigh, staring at Kaidan’s profile. The bruises were starting to turn a different color. Better than before, definitely.
It looked like his days of sitting around this hospital room would soon come to an end. Perhaps he’d be able to visit when Kaidan was actually awake for once.
He snorted at the thought, looking at Kaidan’s face with amusement.
“Don’t see that happening any time soon. Right, Alenko?”
Instead of the silence, he pictured Kaidan rolling his eyes at him. Exasperated and fond at the same time, the way he used to be before the Collectors tore through the SR-1. The way he used to before John died.
Still, it was a familiar image. He kept his gaze trained on Kaidan’s face, even as his eyes began to grow heavy. He had half the mind to actually get up and return to the Normandy. But then he thought that he’d give himself five minutes. He’d rest his eyes for five minutes and then he’d leave.
And with that—and Kaidan—in mind, John Shepard fell asleep.
Kaidan regained consciousness slowly, feeling disoriented as he stared blankly at the ceiling. But slowly the empty spaces in his memory began to fill themselves.
He remembered Mars, Cerberus, a goddamn synthetic parading around as a human, and…Shepard.
Shepard screaming for him. Shepard with panic in his eyes as he hauled Kaidan up. And Shepard’s voice—quiet and worried and filled with regret, laced with something that Kaidan had only dreamed about.
And it was because of these thoughts in his head that when he finally spotted the slumbering form seated on an armchair beside his bed, he thought he was hallucinating. He drew a breath, too quickly by the way his lungs suddenly screamed in pain, and…stared.
It was obvious that it was in the middle of the night. The hospital was silent, with only a few lights switched on outside.
It was either a blessing or a curse that the door to the room opened, letting in an asari nurse. She smiled brightly upon seeing Kaidan awake, casting a glance at Shepard before shaking her head.
“It’s good to see you conscious at last, Major Alenko,” she whispered. “Your friend here has been worried sick.”
“How long has he been here?” Kaidan asked, voice barely there. He sighed in relief when he noticed that she was carrying a glass of water, with a straw ready. After several careful sips, just enough for him not to feel like his throat was a desert, he asked his question again.
“Not very long, really. Well, today anyway. I’ve heard from my colleagues that he stayed until morning a couple of times.”
“Wait…how many times has he been here?”
“You’ve been here for about a week, Major. And he was here every single day. Or night, depending on how busy his schedule is,” she replied, sneaking a quick look at Shepard before scanning Kaidan with her omnitool. “Well, looks like you’re healing nicely. Dr Michel will run a full scan tomorrow morning but it looks good for now.”
“Thanks,” Kaidan said, faintly, still staring at Shepard.
“Do you want me to wake him up so you can rest?”
“No,” Kaidan said, quickly. “No, let him rest. He deserves some peace and quiet.”
“Yes, he does. He’s a busy one, I hear.”
“He’s always like that,” Kaidan said, smiling slowly.
“I’ll leave you now. Be sure to rest, Major.”
“I will,” he nodded, not even looking at her as she left the room.
He tried processing all the information but found himself baffled by it all. Shepard visited him every day? And when he couldn’t make it during the day, he visited at night? And he’d stay for hours, apparently. Kaidan’s mind was reeling.
But it wasn’t a bad feeling. It was…good. And it was hopeful.
His fingers twitched, wanting to touch but not knowing if it would be welcomed.
Once upon a time he stepped onto the Normandy SR-1 and met an Alliance Marine who made his heart stutter.
Once upon a time he lost that same Marine to Collectors’ fire.
And once upon a time…that Marine came back and he didn’t believe him.
Maybe it was time to rewrite this story. Maybe it was time for something new for them—if there would ever be a “them”. But as he watched Commander John Shepard sleeping by his bedside, he had a feeling that maybe he could have the story he wanted.
But that was for later. For now, he had to rest and he had to let Shepard rest.
But later…later he would send a message. Later, he would ask Shepard to come by. Later, maybe they could begin to salvage their friendship. And perhaps create something more.