Chapter Text
Seonghwa lit his vanilla candle on the coffee table and dimmed the lights to a comfortable setting, grabbing his mug of hot tea.
He had finished teaching his eighth grade class on the last day of school before winter break and he was ready to have a relaxing, self-care day with his boyfriend, who was due back home any second now.
A feeling of pure excitement ran through Seonghwa. Though it had been 5 years since they were together, he couldn’t help the feeling of falling in love over and over again each time he thought of his partner.
They made a habit of self-care days a few times a month where they would forget all technology and take the night to exist in pure peace and bliss. A chance to be themselves, unabashedly, with each other.
If you ask Seonghwa, it was one of his favourite things about their relationship — they could truly be themselves. And when an honour it was for Seonghwa to see Hongjoong in his truest form. Sometimes he thinks The younger was sent to him from some higher power; truly no one could be made to be so loveable, so endearing, and so Hongjoong. There was no better way to describe him.
It had taken Seonghwa a while to get through the barriers that made up Hongjoong. He couldn’t blame the younger, he carried a lot on his shoulders. A lot of his past he wished he could forget and oh how Seonghwa wishes he could erase every memory. Hongjoong had grown up with people you wouldn’t dare call family.
There was no love in Hongjoong’s house, only slurred words, vengeful actions, and empty apologies. To think that a child had to handle that all on his own made Seonghwa’s skin crawl.
Much of Hongjoong’s life had been spent alone, thinking that that was how he would survive. Thinking that lonely was his calling, what he deserved.
Seonghwa will never forget the moment he vowed to himself that he would never let Hongjoong feel like he deserved anything less than absolute, forgiving, caring, endearing, and all encompassing love.
For the amount Hongjoong cares and loves for those around him, Seonghwa felt he wanted to double that for him — he’ll triple it if he could.
After time spent reminding the younger that he deserved the love he gave to be returned ten fold, Hongjoong accepted. He began to accept Not only Seonghwa’s love but a love of life, of friends, of chosen family.
Sitting on his sofa now, waiting for his boyfriend to return, in the dim warm lights of their shared apartment, Seonghwa felt himself tear up thinking about how far Hongjoong had come. From the terrified boy with the shining eyes and the hunched shoulders, to a man who not only holds himself upright, but inspires others to believe and love themselves. Hongjoong now worked as a social worker, helping children much like his younger self to find loving homes and families of their own.
Though as a child Hongjoong never had the chance to find the home he so longed for and could never imagine having, his chosen family now was all the family he needed and more. Seonghwa was proud and honoured to be a part of such a beautiful life.
Just as Seonghwa felt himself really start to fall into the nostalgia of how far him and Hongjoong have come, the protagonist of his thoughts turned the key to their apartment and began to shuffle inside. Seonghwa felt himself smile real small as he heard the sound of the lock turn and the door click closed very softly. Hongjoong had probably seen the front hallway lights off and assumed that Seonghwa had fallen asleep.
Just as Hongjoong was taking out his AirPods and softly toeing his boots off, Seonghwa appeared around the corner. Hongjoong jumped a little at the surprise presence but Seonghwa felt warmth bloom in his heart as he watched the younger’s eyes grow soft.
Stopping amid taking his boots off, one off and one on, Hongjoong looked up at Seonghwa with the warmth reserved just for the elder.
“Hi.” Hongjoong spoke with a child-like lilt in his voice, a small smile gracing his lips.
“Hi.” Seonghwa returned, giggling softly.
Hongjoong wasted no time quickly taking off the other boot and making grabby hands at his boyfriend — to which Seonghwa quickly compiled, closing the space between them and taking his boyfriend in his arms.
Seonghwa felt himself breathe a sigh of relief, holding his lover in his arms, giving him an extra squeeze to communicate how much he had missed him. Yes they had seen each other this morning before work, but Seonghwa can’t help being a little clingy sometimes. Nobody had to know this lovesick side of him but the man in his arms.
Hongjoong hummed quietly, leading Seonghwa to lean against the wall, Hongjoong’s body enwrapped in his arms, and began nuzzling his head into the older’s neck like a cat.
“I missed you.” The words were almost lost in Seonghwa’s cardigan, but despite the amount of times Seonghwa had heard those words before from the younger, he still felt his cheeks redden.
“I missed you more.” Seonghwa answered with conviction — and it was true. Sending the eighth graders off before winter break was always difficult. He knew that while most of them had warm homes and families to return to, a few of his students were returning to precarious situations. Though Seonghwa and Hongjoong were lucky to now be living a comfortable life, the high school Seonghwa worked at had quite a number of students who lived close or at the poverty line. He had seen how the town treated their area, their streets, their houses. He had seen the violence in and around their school area and he couldn’t help but feel like no matter what he did, he couldn’t convince these student that there was something worth working towards. Learning towards. Aiming towards. The time around the holidays was always especially the hardest.
As if reading his mind, Hongjoong looked up from his place in-between the older’s shoulder and neck, looking up at Seonghwa softly. Slowly, he raised on hand and caressed the side of Seonghwa’s face. Without thought, Seonghwa leaned into the touch, nuzzling against Hongjoong’s soft hands and feeling his rings against his cheek.
“You did well today baby,” Hongjoong spoke so gently, rubbing his thumb softly on Seonghwa’s cheekbone. The older let his eyes close, almost leaning forward physically to gravitate towards the comfort he so needed. “You deserve to rest. You did your absolute best, I know you did. I know you. Each and every one of them are lucky to have you. Yeah?”
Despite himself, Seonghwa felt tears prickle behind his eyelids as he nodded softly. For all he reflected on about Hongjoong and his growth and his acceptance of love, one thing that Hongjoong kept consistent from the first day Seonghwa met him was his undying, incredible, and beautiful ability to love. Despite everything that the younger had been through, and there was so much that Seonghwa could never bear himself to repeat, Hongjoong loved beautifully and unabashedly. Seonghwa will never forget the nights he stayed up with Hongjoong hearing the nights he shook in terror in his childhood; Hongjoong whispering the stories to Seonghwa underneath a blanket, Seonghwa holding onto the younger’s shaking hands, feeling every shattering breath, and feeling as if the pain was his own.
Seonghwa could never find someone who loved and cherished him like Hongjoong did — like Hongjoong does. It was a gift that Seonghwa wanted to payback everyday for all of his life. He would try.
“Come back to me baby, I’m right here. Come back.” Hongjoong coaxed him out of his mind’s wanderings as Seonghwa opened his eyes to two filled with worry.
“Hmmm,” Seonghwa hummed, pulling the younger closer to him and feeling his chest against his own. “Thank you. I needed this.”
Seonghwa buried his face in the younger’s neck, feeling Hongjoong’s endeared laugh. He then felt a hand come up his back and start to comb through his hair comfortingly. Like a light switch, he instantly let go of any stress or worries he had been feeling. It was always like this, Hongjoong felt like a drug he could not get enough of.
“Should we move over to the couch?”
Seonghwa chuckled sheepishly, “Sorry. Guess I was in too much of a rush.” He blushed, eyes gazing over Hongjoong who still had on his work clothes and his winter jacket zipped up.
Gently, Seonghwa leaned back — despite the absolutely adorable whine he got from the younger for separating them — and began unzipping Hongjoong’s jacket, leaving it on the ottoman by the door to dry, with all the snow on it slowly melting.
After, he interlocked his fingers with his boyfriend’s and slowly led him over to the couch, the candle burning strong and making the apartment smell like vanilla cupcakes.
Hongjoong took a deep breath in, revelling in the sweet smell. Hongjoong quickly made his way to their shared bedroom to change into sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt — one of Seonghwa’s old college shirts — while Seonghwa reheated his now cold cup of tea in the microwave, making Hongjoong his own hot chocolate in the process. Hongjoong didn’t like bitter teas, Seonghwa always teasing him that he had the pallet of a third-grader.
After bringing their hot drinks to the coffee table in front of the couch, his boyfriend appeared looking so comfy and cute that Seonghwa couldn’t help audibly cooing, much to Hongjoong’s chagrin. Before the younger could lower himself onto the couch, Seonghwa grabbed him by the waist, pulling him over his lap and adjusting until the younger was straddling him, Hongjoong’s arms wrapped around his neck and his head leaning into his chest.
They both stayed close and cuddled for a few moments, enjoying the comfortable silence, before Seonghwa moved forward carefully to grab Hongjoong’s drink, leaving his own on the table to keep both hands on Hongjoong’s waist. He could always reheat it again. Hongjoong, pouting again at the distance, grabbed his hot chocolate and sat up, still straddling the older in his lap, and sipped carefully, closing his eyes in delight at the sweet drink.
“Thank you.” Hongjoong spoke quietly, looking down at the mug in his hands. Seonghwa couldn’t help the way he melted. He pushed some of Hongjoong’s hair away from his forehead, leaning forward and placing a kiss where the hair had once laid.
“My angel,” Seonghwa whispered against the younger’s forehead, pulling away to cradle his chin, rubbing his thumb gently on the younger’s cheek. “How’d I get so lucky, hmm?”
“Stooooppp.” Hongjoong whined quietly, trying to pull away from Seonghwa. The older only continued to tease him further.
“My perfect little cutie, what did I do to deserve you? Hmmm? I must have impressed some god up there to-“
Hongjoong had put down his hot chocolate on a side table, moving his hands to tickle Seonghwa at his sides. Seonghwa doubled over, giggling and gasping for air, trying to finish his praises of the younger amidst a fit of laughter.
Eventually, they both ended up lying on the couch, Hongjoong on top of Seonghwa, cuddling into him and out of breath from al the laughter.
“Hwa?” Hongjoong spoke up after both had caught their breath and were breathing together in a comfortable silence.
“Hmm.” Seonghwa replied lazily, hand coming up to run through Hongjoong’s black hair.
“Are you okay?” The question caught the older off-guard, though he should have known that Hongjoong wouldn’t let him get away without making sure that he was completely alright.
Seonghwa turned his head slightly to look the younger in the eyes, melting at the concern he saw in the younger.
“Yeah bubba, I’m okay. You know how end of term can be with winter break and everything,” Seonghwa sighed lightly making Hongjoong tighten his grip around the older’s waist. “You know what though? You make me feel better than okay just by being here and being you.”
Seonghwa continued running his hand through the younger’s hair comfortingly, watching how the concern in Hongjoong’s eyes shifted to a flustered, soft delight.
“Yeah?” Hongjoong asked shyly, hand playing with the hem of Seonghwa’s hoodie.
“Yeah.” Seonghwa responded, softly nodding his head, rubbing his hair against Hongjoong’s cheek and making him giggle softly.
Seonghwa leaned up and placed a soft kiss on Hongjoong’s nose, “You know I love you right?”
Seonghwa couldn’t explain the warmth that bursted in his chest when, immediately and without hesitation, Hongjoong nodded fervently.
“Yeah, yeah I do.” The two held eye contact, Seonghwa knowing that, though this wasn’t the first time in the five years, every time Hongjoong accepted love so bravely, so openly, and so vulnerably, Seonghwa felt warmth spread throughout him at the growth he has seen in the younger since the scared boy he had met five years ago.
“Hwa?”
“Hmm?”
“I love you too.”