Archive of Our Own

Zoro pulls his phone away and grimaces. Nami sounds almost hysteric, and he wonders if it has to do something with money because usually, that's the only thing getting her worked up like this. But then again, why is she calling Zoro about it then? He doesn't remember spending any money irresponsibly lately, not that it's any of Nami's concern. Unfortunately, she takes more interest in his finances than he'd like.

He gets his answer pretty soon though, and he doesn't like where the conversation is going.

"Sanji is engaged!" He doesn't answer and Nami takes a moment to breathe. After a moment, she continues: "Please tell me you knew about this because now I kind of regret telling you like this..."

"I knew," Zoro reassures her, even though he really doesn't want to discuss this right now. He's been trying all day not to think about it and he's finally gotten comfortable on his couch, almost sleeping in when Nami called. He should have put his phone on silent.

"Okay, so... what the fuck??" Nami forgets her guilt again, now that she knows she isn't the one to break it to Zoro, and she goes back to being furious. "What are you going to do?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Zoro sighs and rubs over his face. "This has nothing to do with me."

"What do you mean?" Nami huffs. "You know, it's a mistake!"

They've been having this conversation before when Sanji started dating Pudding. Nami didn't like it at all, even though she had to admit, Pudding was a sweet girl, but unfortunately, she also knew about Zoro's feelings. And because Zoro is her best friend, she is kind of biased when it comes to who she thinks should be dating Sanji.

"It's not my business. The Cook can make his own decisions, it's his life," Zoro tells her, just as he had a year ago when it first came up.

"He thinks she is his soulmate!" Nami still continues to argue, frustrated by Zoro's responses.

The greenhaired stops and closes his eyes. He is aware of all of that but it doesn't change anything. He can't run around and tell Sanji that he's with the wrong person because it's not Pudding who he is looking for. He is happy with her and that's what counts.

"It doesn't matter."

"But-"

"Nami!" His voice is sharper than intended but he doesn't have the patience for it now. He just wants to sleep and forget about the Cook for at least a second. It's not like he hasn't been thinking about this a lot. For the past year and especially in the past few hours. It gave him a headache.

It's quiet for a moment before she speaks up again: "I'm sorry. I still think it's a mistake to keep it from him, but... I should not meddle." She sounds sincere even though it's probably hard to admit. She would just love to play matchmaker between Zoro and Sanji but... the Cook isn't available. And that's okay, Zoro hasn't lost him. He still gets his time with the blond, they are meeting regularly to hang out and Zoro takes anything he can get.

Maybe that isn't exactly healthy, the thing he wants so badly dangling in front of his face, getting him addicted to the way Sanji moves, how he sounds when he laughs or when he's excited. Getting used to all the small gestures that make Zoro's heart jump, like how Sanji will sometimes surprise him with his favorite meal or sake, or how he would lean into Zoro's personal space with a smirk or a scowl when he's either feeling confident or Zoro pissed him off.

There is so much Zoro yearns for and it isn't easy but thankfully Zoro is disciplined and knows how to handle it. How to keep himself from doing something stupid that might ruin Sanji's relationship... or their friendship.

"Are you meeting him today?" Nami asks after a moment of quiet. "Will you be okay?"

"Yes and yes..." Zoro sighs again. "It's okay, I knew this was going to happen eventually. He's been talking about taking the next step. Pudding just beat him to it."

"I'm sorry, Zoro," Nami says again, her voice regretful and sympathetic. He knows she means it and she doesn't mean to pity him but it still leaves a bitter taste.

When the doorbell rings, Zoro grunts and gets on his feet. Sanji is waiting in front of the door, grinning from ear to ear and pushing a bottle of wine in Zoro's hands. "We're gonna share this, so get some glasses!"

Zoro steps aside to let the Cook in before turning around and making his way over to his cabinet where he keeps the glasses. Wordlessly he retrieves two, even though he isn't really in the mood for celebration but for Sanji's sake he's gotta pretend. Besides, some alcohol might be exactly what he needs right now, to help him through Sanji gushing about his girlfriend- no, fiancé for the next hour or more.

Sanji already sits down on the couch. After all the time he's spent at Zoro's apartment, he feels pretty at home. He also uses Zoro's kitchen without asking most of the time. Nami suggested just getting Sanji a key at this point, and Zoro would maybe even consider it but he's a little worried that'll send the wrong message. Or a truthful one. Zoro really wants Sanji to be here more often, but he knows that thought is selfish.

Zoro drops onto the couch next to Sanji and opens the bottle with ease, filling up their glasses.

"I guess we are drinking to your new fiancé?" Zoro asks, even though he doesn't really want to talk about it, but it's not like he will be able to ignore it. And he's supposed to be okay with it. The Cook is his best friend after all.

Sanji smirks and raises the glass to his perfectly pink lips. Zoro follows the motion with his eyes involuntarily. Thankfully, Sanji doesn't seem to notice.

"Do you need a reason to drink?" the Cook replies. Zoro shrugs.

"Not really, but this is about you. How does it feel to be bound by marriage soon?"

Sanji rolls his eyes and the movement draws Zoro's attention to the deep blue orbs that he so easily gets lost in, especially when they shine with excitement whenever the Cook talks about food or something else he is passionate about. Soulmates, sometimes. Getting distracted by Sanji's expressive eyes helps survive the latter conversations.

"You are not at all romantic, Marimo. Marriage is a good thing, Pudding-chan and I will be even closer! And it's not like I'm going to lose my freedom in some way. I want to tie the knot with Pudding." The irony of his wording seems to be lost to the blond.

Zoro keeps his eyes glued to his glass after he has taken a big gulp. Of course, Sanji wants that. He's been in love with Pudding for ages, and their relationship is going well. She is a baker! Of course, he loves her. He can share his passion with Pudding. He couldn't do that with Zoro.

Of course, Zoro loves listening to Sanji gush about the new dishes, he's put on the menu of Baratie, or the new recipe he developed at home. He may not understand all of it, but he is listening. And moreover, he's watching. He can never tear his eyes away from the Cook when it starts. It's already difficult when they are just talking like now. He can't help but follow the movement of Sanji's hands, tucking away a strand of golden hair behind his ear.

"You deserve this," Zoro can hear himself say, and again, he can't help but look over to the Cook.

His favorite color to see on Sanji aren't his blue eyes that remind Zoro of the depth of the sea and the force and power of a current. It isn't Sanji's hair that turns into liquid gold whenever the sunlight falls on it so that Zoro asks himself why no one is gawking at the Cook like he is.

His favorite color is the slight redness on his cheeks whenever someone says something nice about the Cook, something unexpected that leaves him a little flustered because even though he is beautiful and powerful and perfect, he still isn't used to compliments directed at him. And Zoro loves when he is the person that puts the color on Sanji's cheeks, just like now.

The Cook shoves Zoro with his shoulder. "Of course I do," he says, even though the flush of red is still there. "I've been looking for love like this all my life."

'It's not her', Zoro wants to say. 'She's not the right one. She doesn't deserve you.'

But he says nothing. Those are selfish thoughts, ugly thoughts. He doesn't want Sanji to see them, and after all, Sanji deserves to be happy. Even if that isn't with Zoro, no matter how hard the swordsman wishes to change that.

Sanji changes the topic and Zoro is glad for the distraction when the blond starts talking about his day at work. It's the easy-going, slightly teasing atmosphere that Zoro is used to with the Cook by now. They've been at each other's throats since they've known each other, then they started sparring together and at some point they made a habit out of it to meet at Zoro's place, just talking or watching movies. Occasionally, Sanji would cook for them, and sometimes Sanji would stay overnight and they'd share the bed. It used to happen less after Sanji started dating Pudding but he's been spending time with Zoro more often the past month again.

Zoro isn't exactly looking forward to that changing again, now that Sanji is going to be very busy with all the marriage preparations.

A few drinks in, the conversation steers back to the proposal a day prior. Sanji tells him how Pudding waited for him at home after work, how she's prepared a candlelight dinner for the two of them, and how she finally showed him the ring and asked him to marry her.

"Are you disappointed that she did it first?" Zoro asks, pushing the sick feeling away that threatened to come up. He tries to drown it with more alcohol and for once he almost regrets his high tolerance, although he already feels a slight buzz.

Sanji considers the question for a second, tilting his head and revealing more of his neck, a few strands of the blond hair sliding back. Zoro gulps. Maybe the alcohol isn't a good idea, after all, he feels his control slipping. He almost raises his hand to push some more of the hair back to have a better view of the Cook's perfect face.

Keep it together, he scolds himself. This isn't like you. But today is different. The news of the proposal hit Zoro deep, he can't help but feel like he's losing Sanji which is irrational because the Cook was never his in the first place. You can't lose what you never had.

"I don't know," Sanji finally answers. Zoro almost forgot he asked a question. "It surprised me, I mean... I have always dreamed about proposing to a gorgeous girl and I would have liked to have the chance but I know Pudding didn't want to wait any longer."

Zoro can't keep himself from scoffing. Of course, she didn't. She's been eager to claim Sanji hers from the start. She's been moving the relationship along as if scared he would leave her again. An unfounded worry, Sanji is obviously crazy about her.

On the other hand, Zoro doesn't actually think Pudding is possessive over Sanji in a toxic or unhealthy way. She's not a fan of how Sanji treats other women sometimes, but it appears more to stem from her own insecurities rather than jealousy. She doesn't want to lose him, anxious she's not going to be enough for him, and Zoro even sympathizes with that, partly.

When Zoro throws the Cook another glance, he's surprised to see uncertainty and worry cross over the blond's face. He's nibbling on his bottom lips, his eyes unfocused in thought.

Zoro's eyes narrow a little, a suspicion growing in his mind. "Do you even want to marry her?"

Maybe he's been too blunt with the question, maybe he misjudged the situation due to his own wishful thinking. Sanji's head snaps over to the Marimo.

"Of course, I want to marry her!", he says with conviction and Zoro tries to ignore the painful stab in his chest, because shortly after the uncertainty wells up again, and the Cook fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt. "It's just-... I really thought she's going to be my soulmate." Doubt is creeping into Sanji's voice and it obviously frustrates him. "What if this is a mistake? What if she isn't my soulmate? What if I find my soulmate but then I am married to Pudding? I couldn't do that to her."

There is a lump in Zoro's throat that makes it hard to speak, and he's not even sure if he should. He has to think back to the conversation with Nami. 'You know, it's a mistake!'

Sanji sighs heavily and slumps back into the couch, the wine glass on his lap. The Cook is probably a little tipsy. Zoro doesn't think he would have mentioned these doubts otherwise.

"I thought I loved her," Sanji mutters, gripping the glass in his hands tighter. "But I haven't been able to see any colors at all. The world is still just.. black and white and gray. If she were my soulmate, I should have been able to see it, the moment I fell in love with her."

"Does it matter?" Zoro asks and he's glad his voice doesn't sound as hoarse as he feared, even though the lump is still there. Why does he have to do this? It feels unnecessarily cruel that he of all people has to give his crush relationship advice. He doesn't look at Sanji. Instead, he keeps his gaze fixated on the wine in his glass. This is his fourth or fifth glass and he doesn't even like red wine that much.

The Cook frowns. "What do you mean?"

"If you love her, you love her," Zoro elaborates and he can practically feel the blond rolling his eyes at those words but before Sanji can tease him about it, Zoro continues: "Soulmate or not, it doesn't matter. If you are happy with her, don't be stupid about it. Don't throw it away just for the possibility of finding a soulmate that may or may not be out there. You might not find anything better than what you have right now."

He hates himself for saying that and he hates the Cook for making him say it, but he knows it's the truth and the only advice he can give to him, as much as Zoro wants to tell him otherwise.

"That's easy for you to say," Sanji scoffs, more pouting than actually upset. "You already have found your soulmate. By the way, have you made a move on them yet?" The Cook perks up again, seemingly more interested to talk about Zoro's love life now. Zoro's answer is curt.

"No."

"What? Why not?" Sanji exclaims and he leans into Zoro's space to punch him lightly. "You said you would!"

"I didn't," Zoro replies gruffly and pushes the Cook away but it only makes the blond push back just as much. "You're drunk."

"I'm tipsy," Sanji corrects. "And you're a coward."

Zoro scowls at that and glares daggers at the other but Sanji only shrugs it off.

"You fell in love with your soulmate," the Cook says and there is the painful twinge in Zoro's chest again as Sanji states the obvious. It's far too late to deny it, Zoro has come to terms with it months ago. He thought the pain would lessen when his feelings lessen over time but for some reason, it's just too hard to let go. He can't do it, that much is clear after today.

"Just leave it, Curly," Zoro warns but the blond doesn't seem to get the hint.

"Why don't you tell them?"

"It's complicated."

"Doesn't seem so complicated to me." Sanji shrugs and takes another sip. "You love them and they are your soulmate. And you're a catch, so I don't know what you are worried about."

Zoro grimaces. He doesn't want to explain the situation to Sanji, he doesn't want to give him any ideas about who exactly Zoro fell for. It's hard enough to keep that secret to himself sometimes. "I told you, just leave it. I don't want to talk about this."

"Seriously! You are lucky you found your soulmate at all and you're just gonna watch them from afar? That's not your style at all, Marimo," Sanji teases, unaware of how deep his words continue to cut into the already open wound. Zoro has to set down the glass, otherwise he might break it.

He thought he could get through this evening, maybe even reach some kind of acceptance but he only feels worse with every minute he is sitting next to Sanji here on the couch. It feels like he's suffocating in his own apartment. Having the Cook here, so close to him with these questions and comments and the advice he wants, when Zoro wants nothing more than to hold him, to tell him what every gesture, every look does to him.

Now more than ever, he feels like there is a hole in his chest that he can't quite fill. He tries to be satisfied with what he has, tries to be thankful for the time he spends with the Cook. But the longer he spends trying to rid himself of this empty feeling the more he is aware of how painful it is to try and force whatever relationship he has with the Cook now into what he yearns for them to be. It's not enough.

He can't do this today. Not any of this.

"Maybe you should leave." Zoro's voice is controlled and he doesn't look at the Cook but he knows he has surprised him. Sanji leans forward instantly, stunned silent for a moment.

"Are... are you serious?" he asks, frowning. The question isn't aggressive, it sounds rather confused. Zoro doesn't answer. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to overstep-" he starts again, regretful, but when he moves to touch Zoro's leg, the greenhaired pulls away instinctually.

Zoro only catches a glimpse of the hurtful expression flickering over Sanji's face before he avoids his eyes again. Then the Cook gets up from the sofa and walks over to the door to grab his coat. Zoro can feel Sanji look at him but he doesn't raise his head again. Instead, he closes his eyes and waits. After a moment he can hear the door falling shut.

They haven't been talking for almost a week after that. Sanji has texted him a couple of times, but Zoro either hasn't read the messages or he has chosen to ignore them.

Sanji isn't sure what he had said that made Zoro so upset and he wished he could apologize for it, but it feels insincere as long as he doesn't know what he is apologizing for exactly.

Maybe he's been too pushy about the Marimo's relationship. Zoro has always avoided talking about soulmates but Sanji assumed it was because he didn't care for all of that. Maybe there is more to it than that and maybe it's the reason Zoro still hasn't shared with him, who his soulmate is that he so obviously fell in love with.

Sanji's thoughts start to wander. What is it like, being able to see all the colors of the world? It must have been overwhelming at first. It's what most people tell him. Suddenly being able to see more than just black and white and then realizing why... Sanji thought it would be an amazing feeling, freeing to be in love with the person you are destined to be with, something he's been chasing for years now.

But when he thinks about it, not everyone might be so lucky to experience it in a positive way. Sometimes, realizing you've fallen in love with someone can hurt.

Sanji had his fair share of experiences like this and though it's hard to admit, it's been that way with Pudding too. He's fallen in love with her and the colors were still missing, and it hurt. He's been so sure it must be her that he managed to convince himself that he must not love her strong enough yet.

Maybe Zoro's love is unrequited, Sanji thought. Maybe talking about it only hurts Zoro. That would explain the reaction at least. Sanji sighs and rubs his hand over his face and the sound draws Puddings attention. She lowers her book and looks at Sanji, concern in her eyes.

"Are you okay, honey?"

For a moment, Sanji thinks about lying. He usually brushes it off, he doesn't want to burden her with his worries. He's not entirely sure why he decides to tell her this time.

"I think, Zoro is seriously mad at me." The second he speaks it out loud, he feels more anxious about it than before, and he is suddenly aware of the ache this thought leaves him with. He misses having Zoro around and being able to mess with the Marimo, and it's weird that he hasn't seen the other's face for so long. Not even a message. Usually, Zoro would have bothered him with something by now. Only that it's never been a bother, Sanji realizes.

"Is he still not replying to your texts?", Pudding asks and she frowns. He's talked to her about it before but he hasn't admitted just how much it messes with him.

He shakes his head. "No, and I tried calling him a couple of times too. I don't know, it's just... weird without him."

Pudding lowers her gaze and bites her lip. She doesn't answer for a while and Sanji almost regrets saying anything. He did not want to worry her.

"Do you miss him?" Pudding's voice is quiet when she does speak, and she is still not looking at him directly. He can feel that something is on her mind but the question takes him by surprise and distracts him.

"I-... I mean, yeah. He's a pain in the ass but he's still my best friend... I'm worried." He runs his fingers through his hair anxiously. He's not sure why he is that honest all of a sudden. He rarely talks about Zoro this way, even with Pudding, but this fight is just different than usual. Zoro has never avoided him for this long. 

This time Pudding raises her head to look at Sanji, her expression hard to read, which surprises Sanji. Usually, she is like an open book and she never hesitates to speak about what's on her mind, at least not when it comes to her boyfriend.

Fiancé, Sanji reminds himself.

She puts away her book and scoots a little closer, putting a hand over his. "He will get over it. There is nothing that can harm your friendship, right?" she tries to lift his spirits. He wants to believe that and he doesn't think Zoro is going to ignore him forever but...

"If I made a mistake, if I hurt him, I want to take responsibility for it."

Pudding meets Sanji's gaze, a worried look in her eyes but Sanji almost feels like there is more. Something she is hesitant to talk about.

"Are you okay, though?" he checks and squeezes her hand lightly. She is still hesitant but then she draws back and her gaze drops to her fingers, picking at her skin nervously.

"I haven't told you about this before because I didn't-... I didn't really know how," she begins and Sanji notices how much willpower it costs her to speak. It surprises him, whatever it is, it must weigh heavy on her shoulders. "When I found out, we were already together and it kind of wasn't my place to say anything, I just-... I hate to see you so concerned."

"Pudding?" He carefully takes her hands in his again, frowning. "What do you mean?" His voice is soft when he asks her. He doesn't want to force her but now he is also very curious about what she is trying to tell him.

The girl hesitates again and bites her lip. "Maybe I've been unfair..." she mutters. "Our relationship wasn't really... at our best lately."

Sanji's initial urge is to deny that but she is right. They have talked about it before but their relationship reached a stagnant phase a while ago. They were barely doing anything together anymore, even when they were both home in their shared apartment. Sanji tried to revive it with a sweet gesture every once in a while but it was not more than that: A sweet gesture.

"I thought with the proposal, I could change that," Pudding says quietly, not looking at Sanji, just running her thumb over his hand. "I was worried you'd slip through my fingers eventually, especially because you and Zoro were only getting closer."

Sanji blinks surprised, and he needs a second to take that in. In reality, he has spent less time with the Marimo the past few weeks, but compared to how much quality time he's shared with Pudding lately... Maybe she isn't so far off with her claim. He feels guilt rising in his chest. Did he make her worry that much because of that? He didn't mean to, and he definitely has never been unfaithful to Pudding either!

"The Marimo and I aren't-" he starts, feeling the need to clarify that there was nothing remotely romantic about their relationship but Pudding raises a hand.

"I know, you wouldn't do that. But if intended or not, I realize... you have a much stronger connection to him that we will probably never reach." She sighs and rests her head against his shoulders. "That doesn't mean-... I care about you, Sanji. A lot. But I also have been pushing this whole marriage thing in hopes it would help us, and now I don't think it will."

Sanji shakes his head and pulls her closer by putting an arm around her shoulders. "What are you saying?" he asks quietly. He doesn't know where Pudding is getting at but he has a growing suspicion that this conversation is going to end on a much more serious note than he intended when he started to complain about the stupid Marimo.

Pudding takes a deep breath as if to prepare for something and Sanji braces himself.

"Sanji, you are Zoro's soulmate."

Whatever he expected her to say, this isn't it. For a moment, Sanji doesn't say anything. He tries to wrap his head around this new information. The words don't make sense to him, this is just not possible.

And at the same time, it explains Zoro's weird behavior even better when Sanji started to press him about his soulmate. It explains why Zoro was never willing to discuss anything related to soulmates with Sanji, and it explains why Zoro hasn't made a move on his soulmate yet.

Because it's me and I am supposed to get married.

Sanji slowly raises his head to meet Pudding's eyes and they both reach the same conclusion. They don't have to say it out loud, they can read it perfectly in each other's faces.

"It's okay, Sanji," she says and smiles, even though he knows it must hurt her to some degree. "I don't want to go through with it either, anymore."

Maybe cutting off contact with anyone for over a week isn't the best response to his conversation with the Cook. Zoro is aware of that, but at the same time, he isn't really up to meeting or talking to anyone. He needed some time to think, maybe to wallow in self-pity for a while without anyone bothering him.

Work has been a welcome distraction, but he's also glad to be home today and to have the day tomorrow off. This is why he allows himself to get a second bottle when his beer is empty quicker than usual. He doesn't really want to have to think about anything today. He'll probably drink a little more and watch something before going to bed.

Still, his mind frustratingly doesn't stop wandering back to thoughts about the Cook and his stupid comments about Zoro's love life.

He knows he can't keep ignoring the Cook forever. He will have to reply eventually because he doesn't want to lose the Cook just because his heart can't let go of the blond even though he is obviously already taken.

However, he needs this distance right now. He can't start getting over his feelings if he keeps Sanji close around all the time, reminding him of all the things he wants so badly but can't have. He hates being without the Cook but it is necessary.

Zoro just emptied his second bottle when there is a knock on the door of his apartment. He sighs and gets up from his place on the couch. If Luffy is trying to spontaneously start a party at Zoro's place again, he's going to kill the boy. He's had it coming for a while now, with all the shenanigans he's roping Zoro in all the time.

But when Zoro opens the door, it's not Luffy standing there in front of him, and he freezes. He just stares at the Cook, unsure of what to do. There is the urge to slam the door in his face again, to avoid any conversation, but he also wants to hug the idiot and tell him that he's missed him. He does neither and remains silent, waiting for Sanji to take the first step and explain why he's here.

The Cook looks nervous, he's fidgeting with his hands and he doesn't look Zoro in the eye. It also takes him a while until he says anything but he surprises Zoro when he finally bursts out: "Pudding and I broke up."

Zoro's eyes widen and he barely registers that Sanji flinches at his own words as if regretting that this is what finally left his mouth. The greenhaired is not sure how to take that information, especially since Sanji has been gushing about their wedding just a week ago.

He's not sure if he should be talking with Sanji about his relationship issues yet again when he still isn't any further with getting over his feelings for the blond but he decides to risk it in favor of lending an ear to his best friend. It's the least he can do. Whatever happened between Pudding and Sanji, Zoro still wants to be there for him.

So he steps aside wordlessly and gestures for Sanji to come in.

The blond hesitates for a moment but then he enters the apartment and gets rid of his jacket and shoes in the hallway before following Zoro back into the living room. They both sit down on the couch, no word has been spoken yet, and Zoro offers him one of the beer bottles that Sanji takes with a grateful nod.

"So, tell me what happened?" Zoro asks after Sanji took his first gulp.

The Cook seems to think more carefully about his next words: "Pudding and I were talking a lot. We agreed that we haven't been fair to each other lately, and we tried to fix our relationship by taking the next step."

Zoro feels his heart clench at those words even though Sanji is just telling him that it didn't work. He can't help himself.

"I didn't know your relationship needed fixing," Zoro admits. He wanted to listen closely and without interruption but he's just not sure where this is suddenly coming from. Sanji smiles, but it seems sad.

"I didn't realize it either, not really. I just thought, marrying Pudding would get our fire going again."

Despite the pained feeling it causes, Zoro snorts. "I don't want to know about your fire, that's gross" he teases because it's what they do, and it draws a laugh out of Sanji, who shoves the Mosshead with his shoulder.

"You're an ass," he says but he smiles again, and this time it looks more sincere and content. They lock eyes for a moment and there is something in Sanji's expression when he watches Zoro, something so intense that Zoro breaks eye contact by raising his own beer again.

Meanwhile, Sanji continues: "We had to admit to ourselves that we probably wouldn't be okay again. Our fire stopped burning a while ago. Truth is..." Sanji stops and takes a deep breath. It's clearly not easy for him to voice it out loud. "I think I fell out of love but I didn't want to admit it to myself because Pudding just felt like a dream. Why wouldn't I want a gorgeous woman like her?"

Zoro considers whacking Sanji over the head with something for what he does to him. He says things like that and it hurts, but then he also tells him that he doesn't love Pudding anymore which messes with his heart in the totally opposite way, it's ridiculous!

"She was actually the one to recognize it first." Sanji shakes his head and sighs. "It must have hurt her and I didn't see it. She admitted that it was the reason she proposed in the first place but she regretted it later and wanted to talk to me about it for a while. She was just scared to."

Zoro doesn't know how to respond to any of that. He doesn't have any advice to give and offering comfort feels wrong under his circumstances. He feels like taking advantage of Sanji's situation when the Cook is clearly not over the break-up yet, despite the fact that he doesn't have romantic feelings for Pudding anymore. He still cares for her, Zoro can imagine.

"Are you two okay?" Zoro finally asks and quickly adds: "I mean, apart from... you know..."

"We're still friends if that's what you mean," Sanji nods. "Still, we both need a little space and I think it will take some time for her to heal. I moved back to my Dad's place for now."

Zoro just nods back, he doesn't feel equipped to help Sanji with this at all, especially when he's still dwelling on his own relationship problems - which is mainly that he doesn't have one.

"This is not what I came here to talk about, though."

Suddenly, Sanji turns around on the couch to face Zoro, a serious expression on his face that kind of scares Zoro a bit. If that hasn't been the serious conversation Sanji wanted, then what else is Zoro gonna have to deal with??

"Your soulmate," Sanji starts again and Zoro can't keep himself from groaning and running a hand over his face.

"I told you to drop it already, Cook... I thought I made myself pretty clear last time." He doesn't want to play that card because he knows that it probably surprised and hurt Sanji to be thrown out of Zoro's apartment but it looks like the blond doesn't learn from it either.

"It's me, isn't it?"

Zoro's breath catches in his throat and for a moment it feels like someone pulls the floor from under him. He even leans away from Sanji as if being physically hit.

This was his greatest secret, it was the one thing he could never share with his best friend, despite everything. He was committed to taking it to his grave - even though Nami scolded him for that.

"How-...?" He thought he did a pretty good job of not letting his feelings spill whenever he was with Sanji. Did he get careless last time?

Sanji rubs his neck sheepishly. "To be fair, it wasn't me who figured it out. Pudding told me and I wasn't sure if she was right but... Now a lot of things start to make sense. I'm sorry for not realizing it sooner, I didn't-..." Sanji stops and bites his lip.

Zoro is absolutely floored and overwhelmed. He doesn't even know why Sanji is apologizing. "I didn't want you to know," he says the first thing that comes to his mind. Pudding knew...? Maybe he's been a little too obvious with his disapproval when they first started dating. Zoro doesn't know. "I didn't want to mess up your relationship."

That's only part of the truth. It is questionable if he would have told Sanji even when the blond had been available. Zoro has never been good at dealing with... any sort of feeling. He wouldn't have known where to start.

"How awfully nice of you, Mosshead," Sanji jokes, a small smirk pulling on the corners of his lips. "I haven't known you to be this considerate."

Zoro latches on to the familiar territory like a lifeline when he shoots back teasingly: "Maybe you overestimate how good you really know me."

"Probably, but I want to change that," Sanji responds, suddenly leaning forward with big, bright eyes, almost excited. "If you will let me that is," he adds and watches Zoro for a response.

Zoro is not sure what it is that Sanji is offering here. The Cook seems to realize that too because he clarifies after a moment: "I mean, I want to know more about the whole soulmate thing. But I won't ask if you feel uncomfortable sharing. It is your business after all."

There is a heavy sigh and Zoro rubs his temple. He hadn't anticipated this conversation any time soon, especially not today, but maybe it's time to come clean. The worst of it is already over, he supposes.

"It's okay," Zoro says and gives a short nod. "Ask away."

Sanji seems to think about it for a moment, he's probably deciding which question to ask first. He must have plenty. Zoro is just glad the Cook doesn't blame him for keeping all this a secret from him for so long, despite the fact that Sanji always has been vocal about wanting to find his soulmate.

"When did you know?" Sanji finally settles for the most pressing question, if the curious almost fascinated look is anything to go by.

Zoro doesn't answer immediately, he takes some time to gather his thoughts. It's not easy to explain but for the Cook's sake he's going to try, even though this whole thing is very much out of his comfort zone.

"To be totally honest with you... It wasn't some special day or any special occasion," he starts after a while, shifting on the couch in the attempt of getting into a more comfortable position. For some reason, he is starting to get nervous, and he isn't used to that feeling at all. He doesn't like it, still he is committed to continuing his story: "It was a pretty normal day, actually. We were sparring like we did every other week back then. I've always felt some kind of attraction but until then it was mostly physical." He flushes red and risks a glance towards Sanji. The blond doesn't seem to be put off by his words, he is still listening closely.

"I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the way you teased me or bumped my shoulder lightly, maybe it was your laugh when I returned the teasing. Maybe I just realized that I really liked spending time with you. I don't remember clearly what it was but when I looked at you after the match, your shirt sticking to your chest, your hair messy and your energy radiating like it always does after a good fight... I don't know, it just suddenly made sense, and that was when the colors came flooding in."

Zoro saves the embarrassing story of how he just stood there, starstruck, until he realized Sanji had said his goodbye and left already without Zoro noticing. Or how the greenhaired soaked up every color on Sanji the next time they saw each other as if studying a painting. He still does that sometimes.

"You fell in love with me because I was sweating and messy?" Sanji asks dumbfounded. It looks like he has trouble wrapping his head around that idea.

Zoro shrugged. "That's part of it. I fell in love with you because you are infuriating and stubborn because you don't back down from a fight and seem to love picking one with me. I fell in love with you because you go all out when you are passionate and because no matter what life throws at you, you somehow still manage to find a way to smile like you want to compete with the sun itself. I fell in love with you because you are my equal and when you're not there, it feels like a part of me is missing."

Somehow along the way of spilling his guts to the Cook, Zoro has lost his nervousness and hesitation. There is some strange comfort in the truth of his words, no matter how the blond will handle it, and it feels like a weight lifting off his shoulders, one that he only notices now that it's gone.

"I don't believe in fate, I don't think that the soulmate connection is binding but I know that we belong together," Zoro continues and shakes his head. "Not necessarily as a couple but as friends at least. I don't mind that you don't return my love for you but I hope that you feel the same way about our friendship as I do."

He's been so focused on his own little speech that he hasn't noticed Sanji staring at him, wide-eyed and unmoving, but when he comes to an end, the silence stretches long and Zoro frowns and starts shifting on the couch uncomfortably.

"Cook?" Worry begins to creep up once again. He has possibly overestimated how okay Sanji is with all of that. Sanji did ask but it doesn't mean he was ready for the truth.

Sanji sucks in a sharp breath then exhales before he finally speaks again: "Your hair really looks stupid, moss-for-brains." Despite the insult, he says it carefully, almost mesmerized, and he leans forward and reaches out to run his fingers through Zoro's hair.

Zoro doesn't put up much resistance. He is too stunned to speak, too stunned to move. "You see it?" he finally manages to croak out, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Starting to," Sanji admits just as quiet as if he might break the spell that got a hold of both of them if he raised his voice. "It's not a flood as you described but..."

Zoro's heart hammers hard against his ribcage and he can't keep the grin from slowly reaching his face. This is more than he could have hoped for. This is more than he imagined to get.

Sanji can't keep his hands to himself but Zoro doesn't stop him when he moves his fingers up Zoro's chest, exploring his body along with his own feelings and this new visual sensation. Goosebumps spread all over Zoro's skin.

"I want this," Sanji suddenly speaks up again and he locks eyes with Zoro. A silent invitation, a challenge. "I want to taste you."

And Zoro lets him when Sanji leans forward and presses his lips against Zoro's. He closes his eyes. For once he doesn't need to see the way Sanji looks like, doesn't need to see the golden locks or the blue eyes or the flush on Sanji's cheeks. The images are running wild in his mind but for once it's accompanied by the way Sanji feels like, the slim body pressed against his own, the soft lips locked with his, the strands of hair smooth under Zoro's touch.

A puzzle piece finally falling into place.