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I wake up and I’m not in my bed. I am still in a bed, even if it’s not mine. That’s a good thing. Someone is holding me. Their arms aren’t very long and their sweater scratches my skin and they smell like butterscotch and honey and…
And I’m not afraid anymore because I know it’s Dad holding me, and wherever I am that’s a good thing. I haven’t been in my bed for a long time, but I know what it feels like, so wherever we are it isn’t home. When I open my eyes the room is very dark and there is only one window trying its best to lighten the space. Even if I didn’t recognise the bed, I know where we are now. We have been sleeping in Papa’s secret house ever since Dad found me, but it still feels strange. Papa always tried to make our home feel warm and light, so I don’t know why he didn’t do the same for his own house. The whole house is only one room, so I can see through the window next to the front door all the way from the bed. It’s snowing outside. I climb out of the covers, trying not to wake Dad up, and creep slowly through the house, not wanting to bump anything in the dark. When I look out of the window the world is white, except for something tall that has its back turned to me.
Papa is standing outside. He’s far away and a little hard to see through the falling snow, closer to Grandpa’s house than ours. He’s wearing his sheet again. The one that hangs down to his knees and is half-white and half-black so it looks like him, but also makes him look like someone else. I don’t like the sheet because it makes his voice very quiet when he speaks. I wanted to ask Dad why Papa wears the sheet but it felt silly, like asking why someone wears pants or shoes.
I know Papa can’t hear me because he’s so far away and the window is closed and I never said anything out loud, but when Papa turns to look at me I almost think I’d called him without meaning to. I try not to jump; I don’t want him to think I’m afraid. There are many things in the world to be afraid of, but Papa is not one of them. I wave at him. He waves back but his hand stays under the sheet.
It isn’t always easy to wake Dad up. He never sleeps much but he always tells me it’s IM-POR-TANT so when he does sleep I leave him alone. I don’t feel as bad waking Papa up when I need to, but he doesn’t sleep anymore. I don’t know why, but Dad told me he just doesn’t need to, so I shouldn’t worry. I still do, but I don’t tell Dad that. He doesn’t wake up when I touch his arm, or pull on the blanket and for once I wish he would stop sleeping because I’m getting hungry.
He opens his eyes and I think he forgets where we are too. He looks afraid. I’ve only seen him look afraid a few times but I know it when I see it. He looked afraid when him and Papa first found me. They say they found me on my Birthday, but I didn’t know it was my Birthday or what a Birthday was then, so I didn’t have any cake or gifts. He looked afraid when he found me again after I was taken. He didn’t have Papa with him then, but he had Uncle Techno and that was enough. I had not met Uncle Techno until then, I didn’t know I had more than one Uncle, but I liked that he looked like me. Sometimes he didn’t look like me. When he took off his mask he looked more like Grandpa, but Papa told me he doesn’t take the mask off a lot. I like the mask so I’m glad he likes it too. Dad doesn’t look afraid for long this time because he knows where I am and that’s a good thing. He asks if I know what today is and I do, because he told me yesterday. It’s my Birthday. I know about Birthdays because Dad’s Birthday was not very long ago.
On that morning I should have been sleeping but Papa woke me up early. I didn’t want to get out of bed and I tried to hide from Papa under the covers so I wouldn’t have to go downstairs, but Papa said it was IMPORTANT so I knew I had to do it. The kitchen smelled like sweets but I wasn’t allowed in. Papa hung up a sign that I couldn’t read, but he told me it said Happy Birthday. The sign was made out of every colour and longer than the couch, but I liked how it looked on the wall. The wall was too plain and I was glad it would be more colourful from now on, but Papa said the wall would be back to normal the next day. He told me a Birthday only lasts one day, and today was Dad’s Birthday.
Dad always wakes up early so he came downstairs while we were still hanging the DE-CO-RA-TIONS. He liked the colourful wall too. Even though it was breakfast time, Papa brought out a cake he had baked, which is why the kitchen smelled so sweet. I thought it was a joke because it was too early for sweets but Papa said on your Birthday you could eat cake for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you want to, and Dad wanted to. I wanted to too so I asked if we could have my Birthday next, but that’s not how Birthdays work. You had to wait your turn, that’s what they told me, and they also told me it would be a very long wait but that’s what made the Birthday so special. It was first Dad’s Birthday, then Papa’s Birthday, then my Birthday, but I wasn’t home for Papa’s Birthday so I forgot it was mine next.
Papa’s secret house isn’t as big as ours, or as warm, or as nice, so I don’t know why he kept it a secret. I know about secrets and I even have one. Of all my toys, the big bee that used to be Dad’s is my favourite, and even if it used to be his, it’s mine now. So when I’m not playing with it or sleeping with it I keep it under my bed, and nobody knows, not even Papa, so that makes it a secret. I don’t know why Papa would keep this house secret; I don’t think anyone would want to take it from him.
There aren’t any DECORATIONS in Papa’s secret house and I think it’s because Dad forgot to bring them with when we moved here. I don’t mind, I forgot about them too. He still says Happy Birthday because it’s rude not to wish someone a Happy Birthday, and before I can ask about the cake he gets out of bed to fetch my gift. Gifts are another IMPORTANT part of Birthdays. On Dad’s birthday, Papa wrapped his gifts so they could be a SUR-PRISE, but my gift isn’t wrapped. It’s still a SURPRISE so I don’t really know why people wrap the gifts.
Dad’s gift is a brown coat that looks just like his, but smaller. I like wearing his coat because of how soft the inside is, even if it doesn’t fit, so a smaller one is a good idea. The coat has big buttons that I can do up myself, but Dad wants to do it so I let him help me. It is a very nice gift so I say thank you, because it would be rude not to.
We eat the cake Dad bought yesterday while sitting on the floor because Papa’s secret house only has one chair and Dad says I can have it but I don’t like seeing him sit on the floor alone. I say it feels rude. He says it isn’t rude. Still feels it. I sit next to him on the floor and feel better. We eat the cake and it’s not as nice as the one Papa made but it’s still cake for breakfast, which is always a good thing. I ask Dad if Papa is going to make our lunch cake or even our dinner cake, but he stays quiet. It's not a SURPRISE, Dad has been very quiet ever since we moved into Papa’s secret house. He used to answer all of my questions, but now he just answers some of them. He doesn’t like questions about Papa and I don’t know why, but I don’t ask that question.
Dad reaches up to touch his ring when I ask about Papa. He does that a lot when he’s quiet. Sometimes, like now, he takes the ring off of his horn and plays with it in his hands. When he rolls it around the light makes the gold look even shinier and I want to ask him if I can play with it too, but he gets up to wash our plates and puts the ring on the counter where I can’t reach it.
There isn’t a lot for me to do because it’s too cold to play in the snow and I don’t have any of my toys with me, I don’t even have my chicken, but Dad says there’s lots to do today because we’re going to see Grandpa. I almost forget to be sad about my chicken when he says that. When it’s time for us to leave I put my new coat on, and this time I do the buttons up all on my own. Outside it is snowing harder than it did this morning and the cold makes the walk to Grandpa’s house feel long, even if I know his house is very close. I try to see Papa through the snow again but he isn’t there anymore.
When we open the door Grandpa is holding a card and I know it says Happy Birthday because Dad reads it out for me. Grandpa also says Happy Birthday but he doesn’t try to hug me like Dad did this morning. I only like hugging Dad and Papa, and Grandpa knows that so he doesn’t try to come too close, but he does put a big cake on the table. We have to wait for Uncle Techno before we can eat the cake, which doesn’t seem fair because it isn’t his Birthday or his cake. Dad says it’s rude not to wait so we wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and I don’t once look away from the cake while we wait and finally Uncle Techno walks in. He has a gift with him and it’s even wrapped so I feel bad about being angry with him. When Uncle Techno says Happy Birthday he calls me Mike instead of Michael, which is the first time he’s done that. Uncle Tommy calls me Mike too, so it must be an Uncle thing.
There’s a picture of Uncle Tommy in Grandpa’s house. There’s another picture too but I don’t know who it is of. The man looks a lot like Uncle Techno when he doesn’t wear his mask, but his hair is different and he wears glasses. Uncle Techno has glasses, I’ve seen them in his house, but he doesn’t wear them. I want to ask about the picture but Dad says it’s time to eat the cake and that is too IMPORTANT to do anything else. Grandpa’s cakes are almost as good as Papa’s. I unwrap Uncle Techno’s gift and now I know the wrapping has nothing to do with the SURPRISE, it’s just fun to rip. Uncle Techno’s gift is even nicer than Dad’s: a golden sword, because I lost mine.
Grandpa has a camera and when he takes pictures the camera prints them out. He shows me the pictures he’s taken today and I like the one where Dad is laughing with me the most, so that’s the one Grandpa goes to hang on the wall with the others. I ask him about the man with the glasses. Grandpa looks at Dad, Dad looks at Uncle Techno, Uncle Techno looks at Grandpa and nobody answers my question. Uncle Techno asks if I want to play with Steve.
Steve’s fur is even softer than Dad’s hair and the inside of my coat, so I think it might be the softest thing in the world. He’s as white as the snow he’s sleeping on when we find him and I can’t stop smiling when Uncle Techno says he likes me because I know Uncle Techno wouldn’t lie and I really don’t think I could live here if Steve didn’t like me. While we pet him, Dad stays inside with Grandpa and I can see them talking through the window. I wish I knew what they were saying but I don’t ask Uncle Techno about it, and when Dad turns to look at me we wave at each other and I wonder if this is how Papa felt this morning.
I’m sitting on Steve’s back and holding on to his neck while he walks in circles around the house when Dad comes to find us. He isn’t afraid of Steve, but Uncle Techno told us Steve doesn’t like Dad as much as he likes me, so he doesn’t get too close. I don’t want to go home yet but Dad tells me it will be dark soon and we can come back tomorrow anyway, and that’s enough for me so I say goodbye to Uncle Techno and Grandpa and Steve.
I don’t have to ask about the man with the glasses again because Dad tells me while we’re walking back to Papa’s house. He is my Uncle Wilbur and that is a SURPRISE because I didn’t know I had another Uncle. I wonder how many more Uncles I have that I don’t know about, but Dad says I only have three. I ask him if Uncle Tommy and Uncle Wilbur will visit for my Birthday. He says no. I ask if they will visit for my next Birthday. He says maybe.
When we open the door, the house isn’t like we left it. There are leaves stuck to the walls and ceiling, in every colour from green to red to orange to brown, and in between the leaves are flower petals in even more colours, more than I could ever count. We can see them all because there are candles on the kitchen counter and the bedside table and although they’re small they light up the usually dark house and the little fires make the room feel warmer. The smallest candle sits on top of a cake just barely big enough for one person. Papa holds it in his hands and now that the sheet doesn’t cover them I can see that they are almost see-through. I don’t know what it means and when I look at them I’m afraid.
But then Papa says Happy Birthday, and he says it just like how he said it to Dad the first time I heard the words, and I don’t care if he likes to wear a sheet and his hands are see-through and he’s so much colder than he used to be. He’s still Papa and I never need to be afraid of him.
He really is cold when I hug him and I think it’s because he was out in the snow all day, but I don’t mind holding him until he feels warmer like Dad does for me when we play outside. The DECORATIONS are a little strange and not like they were before but they’re still colourful and I hope we can leave them up a little longer this time. They remind me of Papa and how different he is now, but his cake still tastes as good. I wish there would be enough for all of us, but it’s hard to feel rude when it tastes so good that I eat it all in two bites. When I’ve finished the cake, Papa takes out a large bag from under the table and he says he’s sorry the gift isn’t wrapped. I tell him I don’t mind because I know that part is just for fun.
The bag is filled with toys. Not just any toys, all my toys from home. I haven’t seen them since we moved into Papa’s secret house. I wanted to go back for them but Dad said we couldn’t go home for any reason, that it wasn’t safe. But here they all are, inside the bag that I think is just a pillowcase, even the big bee. I don’t know how Papa found my secret and I want to be angry with him, but I’m just so happy to see it that I forget to be angry.
Because Dad doesn’t sleep very much and Papa doesn’t sleep at all I know I have to go to bed alone, but I take the bee and Benson with me. I climb under the covers of Papa’s small bed that Dad and I have to share while we stay here and close my eyes but I don’t fall asleep. I think of Birthdays and signs and snow and Steve and Grandpa and Uncle Techno and Uncle Tommy and Uncle Wilbur and cameras and cakes and Papa and Dad and it’s all too much so instead of sleeping I listen to the soft voices in the kitchen.
I think Papa is going to wish Dad a Happy Birthday too but he doesn’t say the Birthday part, because it isn’t Dad’s birthday. I know because someone would have told me if it was. Instead, Papa says a long word I haven’t heard before.
It sounds like AN-NI-VER-SA-RY but I don’t know what that means. I think I might ask Dad about it tomorrow, if I can remember how to say it, but Dad is crying now. It’s very quiet but I know what Dad sounds like when he cries; he does it a lot when he thinks I am sleeping. He thinks I am sleeping now so that’s probably why he’s doing it. Or maybe it’s that word. Maybe an ANNIVERSARY isn’t as Happy as Papa wishes. I open my eyes just enough to watch them.
Papa gives Dad a gift, so maybe an ANNIVERSARY is like a Birthday but not as nice. The gift is not as nice as mine either. It’s a lot of pink flowers, which is nice but not as nice as toys, and I don’t think Dad likes the gift very much because he doesn’t say thank you. It’s rude not to say thank you, unless it’s a very, very bad gift. Papa is holding a lot of flowers but I can count to high numbers now so I could probably count how many there are… as long as it isn’t more than twenty. I open my eyes a little wider to count the flowers and now I can see a ring of gold around the flowers. Even in the darkness the gold shines and I want to touch it but I have to stay in bed. Dad will probably let me hold it tomorrow, he usually does as long as I promise to give his ring back.
Sometimes he doesn’t wear it because it makes him sad, so he takes it off and forgets where he puts it. Then I get to help look and it feels like a game, but Dad doesn’t think it’s very fun looking for his ring. Dad forgets where he puts things a lot and usually doesn’t get sad about lost things, but this ring isn’t just any lost thing. He calls it his WED-DING ring. I don’t know what a WEDDING is, but if it means you get a gold ring you can hold and wear and play with whenever you feel like it, I would like a WEDDING very much. A lot more than an ANNIVERSARY or even a Birthday.
Dad must have taken his WEDDING ring off and forgotten where he put it again, but Papa played the game alone and found it. Papa has his own WEDDING ring but I never see it anymore. He wears it on one of his horns, just like Dad, but both of his horns are covered by the sheet. I would like to see his ring and his horns and eyes again, and I don’t know why he wears the sheet, but if it makes him happy then he can wear it and I will try not to mind.
At least I can still see Dad’s ring. It is around his horn again and he plays with it while he puts the flowers in water. He has to do it because Papa can’t touch water, but he can touch snow. I think that’s why he lives here. I think it makes him happy. I still miss my bed and my chicken, but I think I’m happy too. I hope that Dad will be happy soon.
We’re together again. That’s a very good thing.