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The air was bitter cold, but it still seemed more welcoming than the rented hall to Ayana. Ever since her brother had gotten married, his wife insisted on throwing a lavish Christmas party every year. Not that Ayana could really blame her; she grew up isolated, so it made sense to want large parties and bask in the company of as many friends and family members as possible.
But still, the large crowd and music were often too much for Ayana. It almost seemed like Koichi knew this, as there always seemed to be escape routes at the parties—this venue in particular had a pond with bridges and a small gazebo in the center. And that was where Ayana found herself that night: avoiding the crowd on a bridge over a pond. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter before leaning on the railing, looking out over the water.
The sun had already set, and the moon had not yet come out. Lights from the hall glittered across the water; pretty golds with hints of reds and greens danced just on the surface. A few ducks swam and quacked quietly below the bridge, almost as if they were whispering, not wanting to disturb her or anyone else at the party.
“Do you think they’re hungry?” a familiar voice said, just behind her shoulder.
“Josuke, you startled me!” she chastised after the initial shock wore off. “What are you doing out here?”
He smiled softly as he pulled something out of his coat pocket. “Feeding the ducks of course. Want one?” he asked, offering her one of the dinner rolls from inside.
Ayana graciously accepted the bread and pinched off a small piece before throwing it into the water. For a few moments, the only sounds were those of the ducks quacking and splashing as they chased the bread crumbs.
“Wouldn’t you rather be inside?” she asked, finally breaking the silence with her quiet voice.
Josuke turned his head and looked at her, a small puff of breath visible by his mouth in the cold air. “Wouldn’t you?”
“I asked you first.” Her heart sped up, wondering if it was okay to tease him, even if good-natured, like that. After all, she hadn’t spoken to him one on one in a couple years, and even then, it was only ever in passing.
He cracked a smile though, and her shoulders relaxed. “I supposed that’s fair,” he said with a chuckle. Josuke turned his gaze back to the pond, the smile itself seeming to sink into the water. “It just feels lonely in there. And I know, I know, how could I be lonely with so many people around?” He moved his head side to side, mocking himself briefly before shrugging. “I don’t know, it’s just…”
“No, I get it,” she replied as he struggled with his explanation. Ayana busied herself with the bread that was now half gone. “After all, why do you think I’m out here?”
Josuke chuckled quietly. “Yeah, but you’ve always hated crowds. I’ve always seen you duck out of places and go off by yourself. Scared me half to death every time. I always had to check and keep an eye on you to make sure nothing happened to you.”
Ayana felt her cheeks heat up at the cocktail of embarrassing thoughts running through her head. He saw me leave, he watched me, he cared about me. All those times, all those years, he watched and noticed and cared. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, turning her head away before he could see how red she had gotten.
“No need to apologize. You’re my best friend’s sister, of course I had to look out for you. Besides,” he said, growing quiet, “strange things happen in this town.”
Oh, of course, she thought. It’s just because I’m Koichi’s sister. Nothing more. She looked to him, taking note of the shadow that came across his face. “They really do, don’t they?” she said softly.
Josuke shook his head briefly, hair bouncing slightly as he did so. His smile returned almost as if it had never left. But only almost. “Things have been pretty quiet the last couple years, thankfully. I think the weirdest thing has been how many people Koichi met in college.”
“There are a lot of unfamiliar faces in there, that’s for sure,” she said with a smile.
“Right? Who are those people? I’ve hardly recognized anybody at these things the past couple years.” He laughed before looking out over the water again. “I’m happy for him, don’t get me wrong,” he said, quieter this time. “I really am. It’s just lonely. I mean with Okuyasu being unable to come and my mom being out of town, it’s just really weird in there.”
Just as Ayana was beginning to feel like a last resort, he added, “I’m actually really glad you’re here. It’s nice to have someone comfortable to talk to.”
“I’m flattered,” she said, feeling her cheeks begin to burn again, “but you’re so friendly and kind. Surely it isn’t that hard for you to make friends?”
He paused before tearing off another piece of bread and throwing it to the ducks. “It’s easy to get to know people on a surface level, I guess,” he said. “But it’s harder to open up. So many people just don’t get it.”
Ayana averted her gaze. She knew she was a part of the group of people who didn’t understand. After all, how could she? She could only assume he was referring to events like the mysterious death of his grandfather and whatever happened back when they were in high school. Even Koichi didn’t dare share the details of those days with her, but she’d never forgotten the haunted look in his eyes the one time she tried to bring it up over the dinner table. She had to assume Josuke felt the same about it all as her brother.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I understand either,” she whispered, allowing the rest of the bread in her hand to crumble into the water.
Josuke tore the last bit of his bread, deep in thought, before tossing it as well. “Maybe not,” he finally said, “but you are at least willing to try and understand. Most people aren’t. And it’s that effort that matters more than anything.”
Ayana felt an overwhelming sensation of a presence behind her and quickly turned around only to be greeted by nothingness. After spinning around again to double check, Ayana looked back at Josuke who, despite her confusing display, was smiling softly.
“There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but a lot of them aren’t mine to tell.” The corners of his mouth twitched upward, but with the way his eyes looked, it couldn’t possibly be considered a smile.
Feeling bold, she took a step closer to him and gently placed her hand upon his as he leaned against the railing. It was only for a moment, but she hoped the gesture was enough. “There are a lot of things that are hard to explain,” she said quietly. “And there are things that are difficult to put into words. I get that. There’s things I don’t know how to talk about either.”
He let out a chuckle that sounded more like his voice was on the brink of breaking. “And see, that’s why you’re different. Most people would have just rolled their eyes at what I said.”
“I would hope there’s more people out there who would be willing to listen.” Ayana chewed the inside of her lip. “And I guess that’s all the more reason to make sure we’re people who try—to make up for it just in case there’s not, and to make those who are feel less alone.”
Josuke stood up straight and turned toward her. He took a step closer and looked down at her. Had he always been that much taller than her? “You have such a beautiful heart, Ayana.”
Without thinking, she reached her hands up and covered her cheeks, feeling the warmth underneath. She stumbled back and blinked several times, briefly wondering if she had fallen asleep somewhere as she tried to think of a proper response.
“Don’t try to deny it,” he said before any words could leave her open mouth. “I know what I’m talking about, and it’s true.”
“Thank you,” she whispered, clasping her hands behind her and bowing her head slightly. “And you have one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met.”
It could have just been the cold air catching up to him or Ayana’s eyes playing tricks on her, but she could have sworn a rosy blush dusted his cheeks.
“Do you want to sit under the gazebo?” she asked before she could second guess herself. “It looks a little warmer over there.”
Josuke smiled and nodded, allowing her to lead the way.
Ayana could feel the cold metal of the bench on her legs through her clothes, but she didn’t really mind. Maybe it was just the roof over their heads, but she did feel more insulated. Though perhaps it was just the warmth she felt from sitting so close to Josuke.
“It really is a beautiful night,” he said, looking around at the trees.
She hummed to herself, unsure of what else to say.
“Would I…” Josuke trailed off, eyes glued to his feet as a blush crept over his face.
Ayana blinked, feeling her own cheeks begin to warm again.
“So I mean, there’s two options I guess,” he said, shifting in his seat. “I could run back inside and grab us some warm drinks since it’s so cold, but then people might see me and start asking where I’ve been and if I want to stay and try one of the millions of hors d’oeuvres. Or…” He looked away again, pulling his hands into his lap and fidgeting. “Or, I mean, I know my hands are getting cold. And if your hands are getting cold then I mean we could maybe…” Josuke awkwardly clasped his hands in front of himself before shrugging. “You know?”
“Josuke, are you asking to hold my hand?” Ayana’s face was definitely red at this point, she could feel it. She could also feel a tightness in her chest as her heart pounded, but one that she wouldn’t call unpleasant by any means.
He scratched the back of his neck and bit his lip. “It’s a beautiful night, and we’re two people sitting on a bench, and it is cold, and—”
Before he could go on, Ayana gently grabbed his hand and allowed it to rest between them. “It really is a beautiful but cold night,” she whispered with a smile as his fingers interlocked with hers. “And we really are two people sitting on a bench.”
Josuke cracked a crooked smile, eyes sparkling from the lamps around the two of them along with something else. “You know what else is good for two people when it’s cold?”
“What?”
“Coffee.” Josuke’s thumb twitched nervously against hers. “I mean, obviously not tonight, it’s way too late in the evening for coffee. But maybe tomorrow, if you’d like, we could go and get coffee?” He held her gaze and looked as if he was holding his breath as he waited for her answer.
The tightness in her chest swelled and burst into butterflies, and Ayana couldn’t keep from grinning. “I would like that very much.”
“Then it’s a date!” He coughed, looking away briefly before turning back to her. “I mean, if you want to call it that, of course.”
Ayana squeezed his hand tenderly. “I think I would like to call it that.”
“Great! Would you want to meet up around eleven? Tomorrow?” The nervousness in his face seemed to have melted away to reveal only excitement.
Ayana beamed at him, hardly able to contain how delighted she was with the turn the night had taken. “That works perfectly for me!”
The two of them were quiet for some time, allowing the giddiness to wear off before speaking again. The air was cold and quiet, but there was a distinct warmth around them.
“I’m glad we got the chance to talk out here tonight.”
“Me too.”