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Snow.
It wasn’t as if you hadn’t ever seen it before. It didn’t always snow in Faraway. Some years would pass by without the slightest hint of snowfall. And some came with memories of building snowmen, and getting pelted by snowballs. So yeah, you knew what snow was.
Of course, you've never seen this much before. All the snow storms you had experienced were calm, and gentle. The storm outside fell with an unfamiliar amount of harshness. It was as if the clouds themselves were angry, pelting the world in white and slashing at it with harsh winds.
Despite this, there was a beauty to it. The silent fall of snow, accompanied by the subtle howl of the wind was hypnotizing. The summer storms you knew were wild, coming with the threat of lightning or even flooding. This storm, despite the harshness of the winds, felt contained; Controlled. It was definitely just as dangerous, though.
There was one annoying part, though...
You recoil in pain, yanked out of your daydream by harsh grating noise.
Scratching, undertone by the loud snapping of tree branches. The frightening sound easily drowned out even the snapping of wood in the fireplace. It was enough to ruin your dream-like state.
And enough to drive your friends wild.
“Ugh! Freaking trees…” Aubrey groans before flipping over, planting her face into her pillow. The last hour had tested her patience.
“Try focusing on the fireplace.” chimed in Basil, having also been kept awake by the incessant sounds of nature. “It’s much more relaxing.”
Kel perks up. If even he was awake, the rest of you stood no chance. “Easy for you to say, Basil! You’re not the one sleeping right next to the window!"
“Kel, it’s late…” Hero, now tired and frustrated, reprimands, “No yelling.”
“It’s not like any of us are asleep. Read the room, Hero!”
“What about Mari?”
“She’s all the way upstairs. There’s no way she can hear us.”
Hero lets out a sigh, turning over to face his brother. “Then at least lay back down. It’s rude to be loud so late.”
Kel slips back into his covers, facing both the protests of his brother and the deadly glare of Aubrey. Poor Kel. He mumbles in protest, "It's not like we'll actually be able to sleep..."
“You should still try. Sleep’s important Kel,” Basil says, turning onto his stomach to face the inner circle. “If you don’t get proper sleep, it can lead to serious health problems.”
“Exactly. Besides, if you don’t get proper sleep, you won’t grow up.” Facing his brother, Hero deals out his signature wink, “Don’t you wanna be big and tall like me when you're older?"
“No. Not at all.”
“A-Ah…”
Hm…
You shuffle back around, shifting to stare up at the ceiling. How tall are you going to grow? If sleep helps you grow up, would you grow to be the tallest? You certainly slept the most out of your friends. But being taller than Hero...it was hard for you to imagine.
“When I’m older...” Kel's excited energy draws your attention back. He shoots his hand toward the sky, as if calling for some vast horizon. "I'll be the captain of a party of space pirates! Then I'll never have to sleep again!"
Basil tries to add, cut off by Aubrey’s curt, “That’s stupid.” She flips around like Basil had, facing towards Kel with a mix of exhaustion and the usual annoyance. It's actually pretty scary. Mari did say girls needed their beauty sleep…
“Space pirates don’t exist. Besides, who would you even steal from? Satellites?”
“If they don’t exist, then that’s perfect! Less competition to be King of the space pirates! It doesn’t matter if there’s nothing out there, piracy is about freedom…adventure…the call of the unknown!”
“You’re yelling, Kel…” Hero chides.
“And, you’re an idiot.” Aubrey dryly remarks, turning back over with a huff.
“Oh yeah? What’re you going to be then? Probably something stupid like a princess, or a carpenter.”
“What's wrong with carpen-”
Aubrey huffily replies, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’d never become something like a carpenter.”
Good. Carpenters are the devil’s missionaries.
“I’m going to be a police officer! I’ll spend my days catching criminals, and eating free donuts.”
Closing your eyes, you try to imagine what she'd look like.
Auby police officer…
An image begins to piece itself together. An older Aubrey, equipped with a baton, chasing down a dangerous criminal - A pizza burglar. She’s amazing. She's dedicated, strong-willed, commanding respect from all. Being caught by someone like her is a privilege, a testament to her dedication. She’ll spend her days patrolling the streets, keeping people safe…
It feels right.
Although, this does make you wonder.
What do you want to be?
“Hehe. I could see it, actually.” Basil says, “I think you’d make a great policewoman, Aubrey.”
“You’ve definitely got the energy for it!” Hero adds.
“Yeah, you’re already a huge bi-”
“Kel.” Hero interrupts, flexing his rare authoritarian muscle.
“Yeah yeah…How about you Basil? What are you going to be?”
“H-Huh?” Caught off-guard, Basil sputters, “Oh, I don’t know… It seems so far away that I’ve never really thought about it before.”
“Hmmm.” Kel strokes his chin, pursing his lips dramatically, “Why don’t you just become a photographer? You’re already always taking photos.”
“Oh!” Aubrey jumps him, her sour mood seeming to have disappeared. “Or you could be a gardener! Like the guy at Fix-It!”
“Mmm…” Basil lets out a groan of indifference, casting an unsure glance down at the carpet, “I don’t know. I like photography and gardening, but I’m not sure I’d want to do them every day. I think I’d like them to remain as hobbies.”
Nod.
You already knew this. Basil liked to share whatever was on his mind with you - His secrets, his problems, his fixations. Because of this, you knew exactly what he had been dreaming of.
You tug on Basil's sleeve, “...tea shop.”
“S-Sunny! I told you to keep that secret…” Basil cries, immediately flushing a bright red.
“A tea shop?” Aubrey asks.
"A-Ah, it's just a silly idea I had. I thought it might be fun to own a little tea shop or something..."
“Oh yeah!" Kel cries, "You and Sunny are always drinking tea together! Running a tea shop would be perfect for you."
You nod in agreement. When Basil had first shared the idea with you, you felt there was nothing more fitting for someone as timid as him. Pouring cups from a kettle, serving customers with a smile…
His shop would have some type of fancy floral wallpaper. To compliment, there'd be actual plants everywhere too. He'd have those small pots hanging from the ceilings, each with its own little sprout.
In fact, there'd be plants everywhere. House plants in the corners, pots in the windowsill, and those grate things (trellis?) overhead.
“Once Hero becomes a chef, you could make it into more of a café!” Aubrey adds. “You could sell tons of small cakes and cookies! Right, Hero?”
“Aha, yeah, I guess we could...” Hero scratches his cheek, noncommittally agreeing. He still seems unsure about being a chef, but you know it’s only a matter of time before Mari convinces him. It’s hard for anyone to say no to her.
“What do you think, Basil? Future business partners?”
Still reeling from the embarrassment, Basil offers a shy smile. “Y-Yeah…partners.”
“I’ll make sure to stop by between breaks!” Aubrey says. “I hope you’ll give me the ‘friend discount’ on those cookies.”
“Yeah! And I'll drop in after every successful pillage!"
Being bombarded with attention, Basil starts to curl in on himself in embarrassment. A perceptible smile remains on his face, though. It makes you smile too.
“How about you, Sunny?” Aubrey turns to face you, “What do you want to be?”
“Yeah, come on. Tell us!”
In an instant, the stares on your friends are on you. You feel the air in your lungs get caught.
“...Mmm.” You're only able to let out a small noise of acknowledgment. You close your eyes and try to imagine several different ideas.
A firefighter, maybe? But you aren't good under stress. Plus, fire's kind of scary...
A teacher? But are you good enough at anything to teach it? Actually, teachers have to talk a lot too. You're not much a speaker.
Er…a professional violinist? You'd have to get back into it first. Plus, you weren't that good with your old one...
Your head was full of different possibilities. Different versions of yourself, each clad in their own uniforms. But did any of them stand out to you? Were any of them 'right'? You certainly don't feel like a mechanic. Or a scientist. Or an artist.
You didn't feel like much of anything.
You start to squirm in place, the weight of your friend's expectations pressing into you. You couldn't even 'steal' one of their ideas - You weren't like your friends at all. You didn't have Aubrey's strong will or Kel's boundless energy. You didn't have Basil's eye for detail or Hero's natural perfection, and charm.
And you're still leagues behind Mari.
So, where did that leave you exactly? Would you have to take up smaller jobs, like being a cashier, or fast food employee? Maybe you'd end up a delivery guy for Gino's.
You don't like that idea. You could only think of your fathers adversary comments, and your mother's endless encouragement.
"Study hard, Sunny. Or else, you'll end up here."
"I'm sure you'll do something amazing, Sunny."
You feel sick. You start to close in on yourself.
A hand reaches out to you, intertwining its fingers with yours. You look to your right. Basil's smiling, his concern barely concealed. “It’s alright if you don’t know, Sunny. We all still have plenty of time to decide.”
“Don’t stress out about it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out one day.” Hero says, his voice calming and confident. But how could he be so sure?
“Maybe you just haven’t found what you want to do yet? It’s probably something you’ve never thought of before!” Aubrey cheers, always so sure of herself.
“And if you don’t, you can always be the first mate on my crew!”
“Kel! Be serious!”
“You think I’d joke around about my space piracy? Use your head, Aubrey!”
“Alright, alright,” Hero steps in, trying to stamp out the familiar sparks of a ‘Kelbrey’ argument. “I think that’s enough excitement for tonight. Let’s get back to sleeping, alright?”
“Fiiine…” Kel slides himself back into his sheets. “But that stupid tree’s still scratching the window. I don’t know how you expect us to sleep like this.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?” Basil suggests. “It’s surprisingly effective.”
"Eh? There's no sheep here."
"I meant imaginary sheep, Kel."
“Ooh, alright! Uno, dos, tres…”
…
“Kel?”
“...snore…”
The ceiling mocks you with its unchanging appearance.
The quiet snores of your friend encompass you. And the not-so-quiet snore of Kel. The storm, having calmed, still rages with a certain level of hostility. And your mind continues to race with uncertainty.
You’re not sure how long it’s been - thirty minutes? An hour? Who knows. Despite how much time has passed, you still feel that anxious tickle in your chest. You had hoped it'd fade, and that the conversation would fall into the backlogs of your memories. But that silent fear in the back of your mind has rooted itself into your thoughts. It’s almost mocking in its resilience.
Not to mention the second biggest obstacle to sleep.
You need to pee.
So, freeing yourself from Basil’s grip on your hand, you tiptoe into the hallway. As you ascend the staircase, you grip the handrail, avoiding the squeaky steps. Reaching the top, you notice a light shining from the crease underneath your bedroom door.
Was Mari still awake?
Er, not now. Bathroom first.
…
"...Mari?" You peer into your bedroom. The first thing you notice is that Mari's bed is empty. The second thing you notice is her hunched form hover over her desk. It looks like she's studying again. She always stayed up late.
She looks back in surprise. “Sunny! What’re you doing up so late?” Her voice holds no frustration, only the same genuine concern she always has. She closes her books, facing you with a swivel of the chair.
“Did you have a nightmare?” Her voice drops into a low, concerned tone. She doesn’t attempt to hide her frown.
You shake your head. “...couldn’t sleep. I went to the bathroom, and saw you were up.”
“Ah, well…” She shifts uncomfortably in her chair, eyes casting a guilty glance towards the desk. “The storm makes it hard to sleep. So I thought I’d get in a little studying.”
“...mmm. You should sleep soon. It’s late.”
“I should be saying that to you!” Mari quips, holding back a giggle. “Alright, how about we both head to bed? Sound good?”
You nod. A part of you feels a little bad for leaving the others in the living room. But another part really wants to lay in your own bed. Mari stands up, turning off her desk lamp and shuffling over into her bed. You do the same, wrapping your blankets around you.
Warm~
As you’re shifting around, trying to find the optimal sleeping position, a thought runs through your mind. You turn over to face Mari’s bed.
“...Mari?”
She responds, “What is it?”
“...what do you want to be when you grow up?”
Her bed creaks as she turns to face you. You can faintly make out her curious expression. “Is that what’s bothering you?” She sees through you instantly. A small sound of confirmation escapes your lips, and she turns back up to the ceiling.
“Hmm…well, there’s plenty of things I could be! I could be a lawyer if I decide to go to law school. Or even a doctor if I do really well in school! Maybe an accountant would be better? It’d certainly be easier…”
“...what do you want to be, though?”
A moment of silence follows your words. For a second, you think she’s not going to answer. Or that she’s somehow managed to fall asleep faster than Kel.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve never really thought of it before.” When she does speak up, her answer shocks you. She turns to face you once again, her smile seeming a lot more conflicted. “It’s a little funny. I’ve been studying really hard for college, but I’m still not sure what I’m studying for.”
A strange feeling washed over you. You had never seen Mari like this before. To you, she always had the answers, always knew the right thing to say. You knew this wasn’t actually true, that there were things she couldn’t know. But this was the first time you had ever truly seen her like this.
Unsure.
It felt odd, seeing her act this way. For a second, you felt your anxieties worsen. If Mari didn't know, how could you?
But, in a funny way, it also makes you smile. She may be your big sister, but she can be just as unsure as you are.
Her voice snaps you out of this spiral of thought, “How about you? What do you want to be?”
For a second, that familiar nervousness begins to nibble away at you. But, in an instant, you have your answer. It’s not quite the one you were looking for, but it feels right.
“...I want to be like you.”
She smiles and laughs in the way she always did. “You say the funniest things sometimes, little bro.”
You pout, feeling embarrassed for saying something so cheesy. You commit, “...I was serious.”
“I know, I know~ Thanks, Sunny. But, if I’m being honest, I think I’d prefer it if you stayed just the way you are. Now…” She rolls over to the other side, facing away from you. “Let’s get some sleep, alright.”
“...mhm. Goodnight, Mari.” As you turn away from her, you feel sleep slowly begin to creep up onto you. Your eyes feel dry, and your body heavy.
“Goodnight, Sunny. I love you~”
“I love you too…” With this, you finally give in to the call of sleep. You close your eyes and let out a deep breath, letting yourself slip into your dreams.
Your eyes slowly pry open. The first thing you feel is a harsh cold assault on your face. You look out the window, finding it to be completely fogged up by the frost. Snow falls harshly from the sky. That’s right. Your mother told you that there’d be a storm this morning. "Largest amount of snowfall in a couple of years", the reports said.
Annoying.
At first, you try to close your eyes, hoping sleep will return to you. But the storm proves stronger. With a sigh, you slide out of bed. Guess it’s time to get up.
You groggily make your way to the bathroom, hitting your head and toes on the doorframe. Great start to the day.
Looking into the mirror, you’re met with a familiarly disgusting sight. It's you. Your hair extends past your shoulders, draping your body in a greasy veil of black.
Mari cuts your hair. As such, it's gotten really long.
You reach up, raking your fingers through the strands. Immediately, you feel your fingers caked in oil and filth. It’s annoying, but you don’t feel any desire to cut it. Not anymore. But that’s enough of that, time to brush your teeth. Mom will get worried if she sees the toothbrush hasn’t moved.
But, first, you realize something.
Something funny.
As you continue to run your fingers through your hair, you realize that, in a small way...
You did become like Mari.
A wry chuckle escapes your lips, followed by a familiar hot feeling streaking down your cheeks.
You decide not to brush your teeth today.
