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I still remember the day I first saw you.
It wasn’t often I returned to Amaurot in my days as Azem. Always the wanderer had I been, so much that my appointment to the Convocation was seen as assured before my predecessor had abdicated the seat. Still, even one full of perpetual wanderlust must return home, if simply to mark the end of one journey and to begin another. That day I had already paid visits to each of the Fourteen save one, the newest and my favorite; even if only to see those deep lines drawn upon his forehead when he spied my approach.
The Bureau of the Architect was ever the flurry of activity, those eager to submit their newest concepts and those to learn the judgment levied on their submissions. As fate would have it, I found you there in that grand lobby, standing amidst the throng of life and shining brilliant, your soul like a beacon even as Emet-Selch stood at your side. It was no wonder he had picked you to work beside him, your talents even then were plain to see for those with vision. But it wasn’t just a radiance, it held a quality I would soon be unable to ignore, a calming familiarity that held like an embrace. Safety, and hope for future days yet come to pass. So struck was I that I had to pull back to present myself as what those had come to expect of Azem.
“Emet-Selch, I fear if you wear that expression much longer you’ll end up looking much older than I in no short order.” The smile I wore was that same impish expression I often donned, but even behind my red mask I feared you could feel those blue eyes of mine fall on you, so penetrating was your gaze when you turned to me. “I see your duo has turned into a triad…”
Hythlodaeus beamed as he cut in, “Indeed! A fine addition at that. Why I’d go so far as to say that even the illustrious Emet-Selch has levied a word of praise or two…” He looked to you from the corner of his eyes with a grin, and the two of you could hardly hold back the snickers that threatened to bubble up to the surface. Thick as thieves, it seemed.
“...I am ever accurate with my praise when it is warranted.” Emet-Selch sighed, long and pained, and the grin that found my face was much more genuine than the one I had chosen for my approach. “What is it that you want, Azem?”
“Only to spend the little time I can with a cherished colleague, of course.” I clicked my tongue gently, a mild and good-natured chiding, “...besides, you know I prefer you call me ‘Venat’ in private company.”
He looked appalled, “Absolutely not. It’s extremely improper, and besides, we are not in private company. As far as I know, you have yet to even be introduced to my newest assistant.”
That was when you first spoke, your voice musical and playful, a sound I would hold in my heart for longer than I could imagine at the time, “...then it’s best you introduce us, hm? I’d hate to do anything ‘improper’.” Your lips pulled into a lopsided smirk, bold defiance of convention that would do well to win my heart and more.
How quickly I fell for you. My entire time on the star had been to seek new lands and new peoples, to chase that ephemeral moment of discovery and spark of life. But my brief sojourn in Amaurot turned into days and then a moon. You proved that my curiosity could be sated with a single individual and still leave new adventures yet discovered. Your curiosity too was boundless; each time I returned you spurred me to recount my travels. Each new step, each vista, every undiscovered land and creation.
My trips back to the capital became more frequent, and our connection deeper. Our first stolen kiss in a corner of the Bureau was sudden, and your boldness washed away any thoughts of worry that we might be discovered. You told me you couldn’t let me leave without it, and I knew I would never want to again. When I returned once more we shared our days and nights, new parts of each other to explore, new sensations to count among the most cherished. For the first time, I felt hesitation at the prospect of a new voyage. To know contentment was a new challenge all its own.
All was not easy, however. As our love bloomed, another’s withered reluctantly. Ever one to hide his true purpose and emotions, Emet-Selch drew inward evermore. Even my eye had missed the way he looked upon you, the way he spoke of you. So enraptured of you was I myself that the star seemed to fade away in your company. Finally, when you walked away to leave me and Emet-Selch together that day, the veil was lifted.
“It seems your love has become impossible to ignore. The two of you were already terrible at concealing it…”
I smiled warmly, “I suppose we were, but in truth, I never would have to begin with if I had my way. Still, I rather seek forgiveness than permission, hm?”
Emet-Selch sneered, “How very ‘Azem’ of you. See that it doesn’t distract you from your duties any more than it already has. I know full well their charms and how it affects those around them. Honestly, it was almost a mistake in bringing them to work here…”
A small chuckle fell from my lips, “Oh, Hades, you don’t mean that…”
He inhaled slowly through his nose, “...no, I don’t.” His voice was quiet. Resigned. As he began to walk away, the creeping wave of understanding began to break upon me. His hand lifted in a dismissive wave, and his voice trailed over his shoulder with his exit, “See to it that love lasts, hm? Do that, Venat.”
It was the first thing I ever kept from you, so pained would Hades be if his secret had been revealed. It was his love to confess and his to conceal. I always suspected that Hythlodaeus knew as well, but where Emet-Selch obscured with a frown, Hythlodaeus did so with a smile. And so the three of you went on, friends and colleagues, your bond unbroken by the burden of longing and love unrequited. It was a testament to Hades’ character, and his love for you, that he let you go. Perhaps he too suspected that your destiny was beyond any of us.
Maybe it was why he was so receptive to the suggestion for you to succeed me, to better put you from his mind. Your pull had become so great that my duties as Azem had suffered, and the love I held for you wished for you to see the star as I had, with your own eyes. Leaving love behind is difficult enough, but sending it away proved almost impossible. Such an insurmountable challenge it was that I forestalled returning to the star. Not only did I want to be assured of mankind's path to the future, but chiefly, yours. I wanted nothing more than to hear your stories from your lips and to kiss them afterward. To lay next to you, smiling and laughing with your joys and comforting you with your tragedies. It was to be the final work of my life, or so I thought.
Our lives went on, you as Azem and me in my white robes, Venat once more. Those first journeys felt like an age all their own, but each reunion was that much sweeter, your own joy in discovery a rejuvenation of my soul. Each time you returned was full of new surprises, but you still had the greatest left in store for me during my sabbatical in Elpis.
I had chanced upon a particularly imaginative creation bearing down upon old friends and sent the creature on its way before it could do any real harm. Full glad was I for a fleeting bit of excitement from what had proved a rather dull endeavor when I saw it. Your soul, diminished but unmistakable. Radiant. Comforting. An unrecognizable form, yes, but yours was a warmth that I could not miss. I might have drawn the same conclusion as Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus and counted you a familiar had it not been for the traveler’s ward embracing you. My ward. A magic that I had not yet weaved, your own, in that time, being more than sufficient. My mind raced beneath that practiced visage I had drawn upon so many times in my travels, to conceal the swirling emotions of my heart to better tread with care in what seemed an impossible situation. And so I laid that leading question at your feet, that you were here, out of time and place, and to share your story.
You recounted all: the fate of our star, of your world, of the Unsundered, your struggles, and your quest. The Final Days. Even I had difficulty believing such a thing, most of all because my heart broke at the realization that, if true, you had no knowledge of our love. That you had drifted, eons, with a past lost to you. Alone, save for ‘Hydaelyn’. The sting threatened to well my eyes before Emet-Selch’s hand found the table and replaced grief with empathy. The imperceptible Hades was suddenly laid bare, fury stoked by the pain written plainly on his face. The man always wore two masks and now he was without either. I understood all too well that the bite of unfamiliarity was one thing, but to be accused of standing in direct opposition and inflicting pain upon one so loved was more than anyone could be expected to carry. More than that, directly opposing me, the one that had won you, were old wounds rent fresh. That I could not comfort him when he left was a regret only tempered by my commitment to remain at your side at that moment. Ever thankful was I for Hylthodaeus and his counsel.
Our investigation began in earnest, but I needed to banish any lingering doubts. If all proved true, I couldn’t confess my feelings to you, I couldn’t embrace and kiss you and know without a doubt who you were. No, ‘Hydaelyn’ had deemed that knowledge best left unsaid. Instead, I would test you through combat, our frequent sparring something we both enjoyed to quell our restless nature and so that Argos might act as filter for my heart and to better distill the truth. Our bodies danced between each other in a familiarity only known by lovers. Each feint you saw, every counter you read, and the skills I had shown only you were taken in stride as if my Azem were standing in your place. For you were my Azem. Now and always.
Careful as I was, I could not resist an indulgence while we stood there on the high span of the Peripeteia. To ask you of your future, of your world, and most importantly, of your life. Not the tale of your quest that brought you back to me, but of the smaller moments, the quiet times between your work. Those intimate memories of easy laughter and simple joys. It was there I shared my own most private thoughts, the same words I had already spoken that were robbed from you by looming apocalypse so that you might, in some small way, know my heart once more. In the little time we had, I had hoped, perhaps foolishly, that you might find some comfort and spark of connection. In the end, I was left with a simple question.
“Has your journey been good? Has it been worthwhile?”
You know, of course, how the remainder of our chase transpired. How you and I came to know the cause of the Final Days, and how we failed in stopping Hermes from releasing Meteion upon creation itself. Then I was faced with sending you away once more, but this time to a future where you were to face certain danger and adversity. For my part, I would remain in a past where I had to carry that knowledge alone. Once more, I was forced to conceal a burdensome secret from my unsundered Azem. As the Final Days descended upon us, you could not understand my design on sacrificing myself to bind Zodiark, opposed to both plans as you were. Thus, did you walk away from me, from Emet-Selch and Hythlodaeus, from the Convocation, committed to finding a third way to benefit every one of us. Forgive me, my love.
I began my lonely vigil, not as Venat, but as Hydaelyn. The seemingly unending turns passed as penance for what I had inflicted upon mankind, for the strife and pestilence I had unleashed upon the star so that mankind might rise to the challenge. Still, ever I sought you, calling out across the rift so that you would one day awaken to me. Flashes of you shone, brief flickers of warmth to stoke my soul, to push me forward, to steward the star as best I could even as my strength waned. I saw you there in Ardbert, and I wept for what I was forced to inflict upon him so that he might aid you in your most dire time of need. The words he used to curse me gripped my heart as I could offer him no comfort, offer you no comfort. My Azem.
“Has your journey been good? Has it been worthwhile?”
That look upon your face and the light in your eyes before you could answer in that forgotten time had been all I had needed to know. To know that not only would I be guardian to the star so that mankind could prove its worth, but that I would ensure that your future would come to pass. That your memories would not be unwritten. I would stand next to you on your journey, and together we would save the star we both loved so very much. When the depths of my own despair threatened to consume me, this was the light that guided me forward to that brighter future.
Suddenly, there you were, just as I had remembered you in ages past in Elpis. The rejoinings that had diminished me had kindled you, your flame a beacon in the storm. Ever was I with you. Ever did I watch over you. I was afforded a grace no other on our star could claim, a chance to see your cherished moments firsthand. To share your adventure, at your side. I was there too for the hardships. When your friends were taken from you and their sacrifices made for the salvation of our star. I ushered them back to the aetheric sea with a welcoming, gentle, and familiar hand. They too were here now watching over you, with one, in particular, reminding us all to smile.
But it was your reunion with Emet-Selch that caused my heart to ache most. To watch you both so close to one another yet with so much distance left between you was difficult. He had always hoped against hope for you to return, to materialize there and stand at his side to restore our world. He had continued to hope, to cling to that shred of love in the soul he saw that he might convince you of his pursuit, even while I knew you could never forsake so much life for a past long relinquished, no matter how splendid. In those final moments, he glimpsed your full presence as clearly as it had ever been. Even diminished as I was, I felt his heart twist. So you fought. So you triumphed, as I knew you would, and so I ferried his soul back to the star, back to his home, reunited again with the truth of the past laid bare for him once more. Together we wept.
Finally, my brave little spark, you are here…
Here in the depths of the aetheric sea where I may look upon you with my own eyes one last time. To hear my true name on your lips once more after so very long. Where your strength has been tested and proven true. Where my unshakable faith in your ability to save our star has been justified. Where I long to say all these things to you, to hold you, to touch you, to tell you that my love for you never waned. But you have so many adventures ahead of you, and I’d not steal that future from you with the chains of the past. Instead, these words and memories will be waiting for you, many days from now, when you too return to the star and to all of us. Where you will once again remember your days as Azem. My Azem. Where I will hold you once more, touch your soul to mine and start by saying, “I still remember the day I first saw you.”