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A-Yao flicked his lighter, the flame burning the end of his cigarette for a few seconds before he let it disappear again. Breath in, hold, breath out, the smoke trapping what was left of the sunlight right above Minshan's head, making for a mesmerizing scene, but not one he hadn't seen before. Curled around A-Yao's waist, Minshan's arm moved with each of his breaths, letting the warmth he felt spread through his body and mind like the smoke filled up the room, slowly and steady, inevitable.
Denying it was useless, Minshan could not help the pride that came along with knowing he was one of the few lucky people who got to see A-Yao like this, indulging in this dirty secret that he thought was so beneath the persona he put up around everyone else. Ever since they met, no, ever since Minshan proved to him that he could be trusted, that he could show him who he truly was without fear of judgment or rejection, A-Yao had been honest with him. For that, Minshan was truly grateful, and he knew A-Yao was too, so relieved to have someone he didn't need to hide from. Gratitude, it seemed, was one of the pillars of their... relationship.
Honesty was another one.
"I'm seeing someone," Minshan said before he could think himself out of it. "Just a few dates, but I think it's going somewhere."
Knocking the ashes on a tray on the bedside table, A-Yao bought himself some time, during which Minshan anxiously searched his face for a reaction he knew wouldn't come. Look at m e , he wanted to say. Make me sta y .
None of that would happen, he knew, because A-Yao didn't love him like that, and that was a settled matter, one Minshan had made his peace with a long time ago. Of course, that didn't mean his own feelings could be extinguished easily, and it was a good thing that they weren't, otherwise he wouldn't have even this, lazing in the afterglow, hugging A-Yao's waist while he smiled down at him and thought about someone else. Pretty okay, considering Minshan now also had someone else to think about.
Quietly, A-Yao slid down the headboard to lie beside Minshan again, cigarette forgotten on the ashtray, his expression a mix of joy, sadness and resignation, and hugged him tightly. Right as Minshan was about to say something else, A-Yao spoke.
"See, I knew this would happen eventually -- I wanted it to... I want you to be happy, A-Shan -- but now that it's happening, I don't-" he sniffled, but his smile stayed the same as he shook his head, mentally changing tracks right before Minshan's eyes. "Tell me about them."
Under the twilight and A-Yao's attentive gaze, Su Minshan told him. Voicing his feelings made them more real, as if they were vague and tentative, but solidified with each word that reached A-Yao's ears, made real by his reactions.
"When I realized it, we were kissing and I... I didn't want it to stop," Minshan finished and watched as A-Yao's smile grew even brighter.
Xue Zhaohui had asked him one a date, taken his hand and kissed him, and Minshan appreciated the straightforwardness, basked in the ease of being with him. Years had passed since Minshan felt like that, ever since he kissed A-Yao for the first time, and they both knew what that meant.
"Zhaohui better take good care of you," A-Yao said while squeezing Minshan in his arms again, "you deserve it."