Work Text:
Life was hard.
The day had finally arrived where Stray Kids got a bigger dorm. Not that the dorm that they were currently in was bad or anything, but they all needed some personal space which was difficult with eight men in one dorm, often walking into each other at the shower or a bigger fridge where they won't lose their snacks within five minutes of placing it inside.
Unfortunately, getting their own rooms and a bigger dorm also meant splitting up into groups of two.
First of all, it was hard splitting up when neither of them could function without the other, but it had to be done. It was decided that 3RACHA obviously would be in one dorm together since it would be easier for them when they produce songs and spend countless sleepless nights together.
The tough part came when another person had to join them.
Chan glanced over at Minho, trying to catch his eyes subtly but quickly averting his gaze when the younger man looked up.
Life was indeed hard.
It sucked that he couldn't be Minho's roommate even in their old dorm to avoid being 'obvious,' quoting Jisung, but now they are going to be in separate dorms. At least in their current dorm, they could kick out their roommates and have the room to themselves, or it was easier to have dinner dates where Minho would cook and Chan would eat them deliciously, but now that was going to be impossible and Chan felt a deep pang throbbing in his heart.
Minho was the second leader so it would make more sense if he was with the younger ones.
Therefore, it was decided that Hyunjin would be roommates with 3RACHA. It still sucked that Chan couldn't even physically be with his boyfriend.
After their new arrangement, it became extremely difficult to meet up with Minho since the younger man was swamped with schedules and Chan became busy with producing. Nevertheless, they would make it a point to meet up every once in a while, along with the other members of course. However, ever since their quarantine, Chan hadn't seen Minho and it had been fifteen and a half days, not that Chan was counting of course.
It made things worse that even if they were together during schedules, they had to put in extra efforts to act like there was nothing up between them which Chan would say they were pretty good at. There were moments when Minho would smile at him endearingly, or Chan would catch himself staring at the younger with yearning but other than that, no one would think they were together. Not even when Minho took advantage of their Thunderous choreography to grab his butt a million times. They were just that good at acting like the other didn't exist in front of public eyes. Or that was what he believed.
Chan knew he was feeling lonely recently, he spent more time on bubble talking to STAYs, he rewatched the same anime for the fourth time, listened to Ed Sheeran on repeat yet he couldn't fill up the void he was feeling. He was getting Minho deprived and there was nothing he could do.
Thanks to this, Chan started becoming cranky in their dorm, which was so not him. Hyunjin had kindly explained that Chan had a serious case of Minho withdrawal symptoms and Chan had kindly told him to shut up.
It was late evening when Chan plopped down on the couch beside Changbin, sighing sadly.
"Everything okay?" Changbin asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Yes." Chan replied curtly.
Changbin continued to stare at him before breaking out in a wide grin, "Someone is missing his boyfriend." He teased in a sing-song voice.
Chan glared at him, his nostrils flaring, "I do not miss him."
"Awww." Changbin cooed and smacked him lightly on his shoulder, "So cute."
Chan was going to punch him back with more force when suddenly Changbin looked up as there was a noise coming from the doorway and his grin grew wider.
"Seungmin! Hey!" Changbin yelled out, getting up on his feet from the couch.
Chan looked up at the sound, smirking when he saw how Changbin was flapping his arms around and then his gaze shifted to Minho who was beside Seungmin and he froze for a split second.
"Minho? You came too!"
Minho looked like he wanted to run to Chan but controlled himself, just blowing him a kiss instead.
Chan felt his cheeks burn but mimed catching the kiss and stuffing it into his pocket.
"Get a room." Changbin chided playfully, poking him in the waist.
"We are going to use my room." Chan replied back casually, surprising himself how brazen he sounded despite the fact that the tips of his ears were a deep pink.
Changbin just blinked at him, his mouth agape in disbelief before shaking his head and turning his attention back to Seungmin.
Chan's eyes were trained on Minho and what was important currently was closing the gap between them. However, what he didn't expect was for his feet to wobble which eminently led him to tripping over air.
It felt like it happened in slow motion, Chan letting out a shriek as he fell, Minho's eyes slowly widening as he made a move forward, probably to catch him but it was too late and Chan hit the floor, knocking the breath out of him.
He heard a gasp and then a few chortles around him, probably from Changbin.
Before Chan could wait for the floor to open and swallow him whole to save him from this embarrassment, he felt strong hands on his arms, pulling him up.
"I see you fell for me again."
Chan looked up straight at Minho, his glare softening as he saw the sparkle in his boyfriend's eyes.
"Of course." Chan commented wryly, feeling the embarrassment slowly fade away in the warmth of Minho's arms.
Minho chuckled with a smile that brightened his whole face and Chan felt elated. Fifteen and a half days was too long to survive without Minho and now he wondered just how he did it.
Minho pulled the older man into a tight embrace, both of them trembling from the rush of seeing each other after a long time.
"One would think you both are meeting again after a long war." A voice chided them and Chan broke away from the hug, searching for the source.
It was Hyunjin, coming out of his room with a speck of paint on his cheek.
"A day without Chan is like war anyways." Minho answered back casually and Hyunjin groaned, "Seriously? Aren't you even remotely embarrassed with these cheesy comments?"
"Hwang, if you don't remain quiet, I'll bring war to you." Minho threatened him menacingly and Chan was amused to see Hyunjin slowly back away, holding his hands out to gesture a truce.
"So, how are you Seungmin? Are the other two coming?" Hyunjin asked Seungmin who nodded his head, "Yeah they are along the way. Felix somehow made Innie stay with him to pack brownies."
The conversation continued among them but Chan zoned them out as Minho turned and directed his attention to him again.
"Did I oversleep again?" Minho whispered against Chan's ears. Chan was confused and he stared at Minho, his forehead creased into a frown. "Because, I feel like I'm still in a dream." The younger man finished, the corner of his lips turned up into a smirk.
If Chan thought it was impossible to turn even more red, he was wrong and he averted his gaze to the floor, chuckling softly.
Hyunjin heard the exchange between them and was going to make a smart comment, stopping when he saw Minho shoot him a threatening glare.
“I missed you Minho.” Chan admitted as he threw his arms over the younger man again, nuzzling his nose into Minho's neck. The man always smelt so good for someone who claimed that he used only febreeze.
They stayed like that, in each other's arms for a while until the bell rang and they both had to let each other go, reluctantly.
Felix walked in, with the brightest grin on his face, a box of brownies in his arms as Jeongin trudged along with him.
Chan wished he could just go back to being with Minho in their own world but he also missed the other kids so he intertwined his arm with the younger man's and led him to the couch.
Jisung came out with a movie recommendation and decided to play it for everyone to watch. Changbin dragged Seungmin with him to the kitchen to bring out some snacks and cola and the others made themselves comfortable around the living room.
The movie Jisung played was Encanto which was pretty amazing. However, it was hard being invested in a movie when Minho was by his side, radiating so much warmth that Chan wanted to sink into. Whenever Minho was around, Chan tended to lose sense of where he was, his brain capable of only thinking about Minho and Minho only.
Chan looked around, watching his kids scattered all around the living room, eating snacks and occasionally making comments about the movie, with fond eyes. Jeongin was sitting on the floor, his back leaning against Chan's legs and Chan reached down to ruffle the youngest's hair. These boys were his life.
Chan really appreciated these free days where they had no schedules and they could just spend time chilling and cracking jokes with each other. Days like these were rare. Maybe because he was the leader but even during their rest days, he was often stressed and working on new music or organising their schedules. He never gave himself a chance to just rest or breathe.
On the other hand, Minho somehow always knew when Chan was overwhelmed though and would subtly try to get him to relax. Chan had spent countless nights at his studio, dozing off until Minho would come in and wake him up gently to bring back to their dorm. There were also times when Minho would bring in board games to play with him. Or times when Minho would ask Chan if he was okay when he was overwhelmed during broadcasts. Chan appreciated these gestures with all his heart and was so thankful to have Minho by him.
He was even more thankful that Minho hadn't given up even after Chan rejected him when he first opened his heart to him.
Chan fell in love with Minho quickly but he didn't expect for the younger man to actually reciprocate his feelings for him as well. He remembered how he had been so confused ever since he laid his eyes on Minho. He used to get so nervous around him, he used to get flustered and giggle like a teenager in love whenever Minho would compliment or tease him. Chan's confusion faded into frustration when he realised his heartrate used to escalate around Minho and that he was having feelings for the man. He didn't do anything about them, stuffing all his feelings down into a bottle and locking it up in a box in his mind. There was nothing that could be done about this. Having one sided feelings for someone was hard, but so was dating someone from your team.
So it was a shock when Minho had come up to him one night when Chan was at his studio, working late as usual. The younger man had brought him food he had cooked and had waited until Chan was done with his work. It was around 3 am when Chan closed his laptop and they both had walked back to their dorm. Chan had gone out with all the members individually before but with Minho it was always different. His heart would always race like he finished climbing a flight of stairs, and he would just be extra nervous around the younger man.
“Thanks for cooking today, Lino.” Chan said, his tone filled with gratitude.
Minho smiled at him, “Thank you for eating it hyung.”
Chan let out a soft chuckle as they continued to walk down the streets, side by side. Chan could feel goosebumps on his skin whenever his arm brushed against Minho's and he quickly shoved them down the pockets of his hoodie, hoping the younger man didn't notice.
Minho did notice though, somehow always being sharp, as he took out a scarf from his bag and handed over to Chan. "I knew it would get chilly in the night." He whispered.
Chan took the scarf and wore it around his neck, praying that the younger man won't be able to see just how red his cheeks were thanks to the darkness.
They were almost there when Chan looked up at the sky, breathing in and embracing the chilliness of the night air.
The moon was out and shining so brightly that Chan had to stop and stare in awe, taking his phone out and clicking a picture.
"Isn't it so beautiful, Minho?" Chan gushed excitedly.
Minho had remained silent, just staring at him until Chan looked at him, an eyebrow raised.
"Minho?" Chan called out again, "Isn't it beautiful?"
"I have seen far more beautiful things." Minho answered like he was in a trance.
Chan’s face looked like Minho had insulted him personally. The smile quickly melted off his face as he glared at the younger, "Oh yeah sure." He huffed, walking up to him, "And what exactly is more beautiful than the moon?"
"You." Minho whispered without any hesitations, before stepping in closer and pecking Chan’s lips. He looked down at the older man, who was staring at him in absolute confusion, his long eyelashes fluttering with every movement. It took Minho a minute to register what he had just done and he quickly backed away, his eyes widening.
“Sorry Chan, but I like you.” He stuttered, and was about to run off to their dorm when Chan stopped him, holding him by his wrist.
Chan really didn’t expect someone as beautiful as Minho would find him beautiful, his lips still burning from where Minho had brushed against just minutes earlier and he was pretty sure his heart was doing cartwheels inside.
Chan had liked Minho for the longest time now, and he should have been jubilant that this happened, but his mind started whirring and he thought about all the consequences and the risks that came with dating someone from his own group and all he could utter out weakly was, “I am sorry.”
Both of them had stared at each other in silence, Minho’s face unreadable, masking away his emotions so well before the younger man gave him a smile and nodded. They both walked back to the dorms in total silence, and headed towards their rooms.
Chan looked at Minho once again, his heart thudding painfully against his ribcage as he saw the younger's crestfallen face before he entered his room.
It was an impossible task to pretend nothing happened between them after that, there would always be a lingering tension among them and Chan was paranoid that someone would say something about it, hence he started avoiding the younger man. If Minho was alone in a room he had entered, he would slowly back away and wait for someone else, and if Minho tried to speak to him, he would look away and would try not to address the man at all.
Minho couldn't take this and confronted him in a dressing room one day, glaring at him.
“Hyung, stop this.”
Chan swallowed nervously before grabbing his things and brushed past Minho, trying to make his way out before Minho caught his arm and pulled him back.
“We need to talk, Chan hyung.” Minho stated slowly, his dark eyes piercing right through Chan’s soul.
Chan didn’t know what to say, he didn’t want to talk. He knew he was not being fair, treating Minho like this but having feelings hurt, a lot.
Minho continued scrutinising him with his eyes before his face fell, “I am sorry.” The younger man apologised, his tone low and sad.
“It is not your fault.” Chan quickly replied, staring at the floor. “I…” He faltered as he caught Minho’s eyes again, “I can’t do this, Minho.”
Minho could tell there was something Chan was hiding but not telling as he stared into the leader’s soft brown eyes, swirling with various emotions.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Chan whispered, his head tilting and Minho could see the conflict in the leader’s eyes. The uncomfortable, emotional agony of continuously holding something you very much needed, away from you, for the sake of others.
Minho thought it was easy to give in and kiss Chan, to confess to him, but he never thought about how Chan would always be thinking about others and never about himself. All this time, Chan had always been a certain way about Minho, they had bonded well despite being different, and had understood each other without giving any explanations. All the times Minho had caught Chan staring at him, all the times Minho had seen Chan laugh extremely hard at what he said, the way Chan would go all out just for him. It all started to make sense. He knew Chan liked him more than just a member, there was always something that was different surrounding them and he couldn’t deny the tension any longer.
His heart sank as Chan looked away without saying anything. He could not bear this treatment anymore. In a long, heart-shattering pause, Minho weighed the consequences and the risks, and decided that his heart ache would be worth it in the end as long as he knew the answer and ended his burning curiosity as he asked, “Do you hate me?”
Chan’s eyes widened with shock, confirming Minho’s suspicions as he started sputtering, “Minho? What?”
“Just one question, and I will leave you alone.” Minho promised, “Do you hate me?”
“Minho…no.” Chan blurted out, “I… I like you. Always did.”
Minho's heart started thudding against his ribcage at the confession, feeling euphoric but it was short lived as he noticed the internal turmoil going on in the leader's head.
“Chan, why do you do this?” Minho asked, “Why do you keep ignoring me?”
“We are in the same group…” Chan tried to explain, his hand running through his dark curls, “As a leader, I can’t let this happen.”
“Let what happen, exactly?” Minho asked challengingly.
Chan sighed exasperatedly, “I can’t put our group in jeopardy just because I have feelings for my teammate.” He tugged on his hair before dropping his hands, “The others don’t need to suffer over my selfishness.”
Silence followed Chan’s words before Minho took a step closer to him, backing Chan against a wall as he cupped his face gently, “Let’s just try…” His thumb was now drawing circles on Chan’s cheek as he continued, “I can’t bear to have you ignore me, hyung. Especially when I didn’t do anything wrong.” The younger man let out a sigh as he continued, “And…you deserve to be happy too, and think about yourself for once.”
Chan could feel his heart drop deep down into the pits of his stomach and he brought his hands up to clutch at Minho’s shirt, his eyes never leaving Minho’s.
“We won’t be putting anyone in jeopardy, we will be a secret.” Minho mumbled, “Just…try.”
Chan wanted to retaliate but something stopped him, as he saw the determination in Minho’s face. There was no harm in trying, Chan realised. No one would even know if there was something between them. Minho’s sentence kept resonating inside his brain, he did deserve to be happy and maybe Minho was what he needed.
They went on a date after that, and then another one and the whole process was slow but Minho was very patient, giving Chan the time he needed yet understanding that the leader did love him. Once Chan started getting more confidence that it could work out, they started sharing hidden kisses, touches and having late night talks.
They were very good at keeping it a secret from the boys, until one day Hyunjin walked in on them having an extremely innocent peck which caused the younger boy to run out screaming dramatically that his eyes were now burnt and he would never be able to see again.
Chan still remember how he had panicked and ran out, trying to come up with something to explain to the boys, maybe something about how Minho was teaching him to kiss, or maybe he accidentally fell onto Minho’s lips but before he could open his mouth to say anything, Changbin had laughed and clapped his hands loudly before shouting,
“Knew it.”
Turns out neither of the members were surprised, and they all knew Minho and Chan had something going on between them, but they were happy and would keep it a secret from the outside world, even helping them go on dates.
Fast forward to the present, where Minho's arm was around Chan as he leaned against him, smiling at the ruckus Jisung was creating by imitating JYP that got the others in fits of laughter.
Times like these felt like home and Chan wouldn’t trade this for anything.
Soon it was late night and Hyunjin got up, uncharacteristically shifting from foot to foot avoiding looking at Minho or Chan.
"So, we decided to go stay at the other dorm. Because, you know." Hyunjin fumbled around with his words, almost incomprehensible.
Chan stared at him in confusion, their dorm was in perfect condition so why were they going to the other dorm?
"Okay…" Chan said slowly, "Let's go."
"Oh, not you." Hyunjin blurted out, "You stay here. With Minho."
Chan's frown remained fixed on his face until Changbin sighed tiredly, "What Hyunjin meant to say is that you guys can stay here and do whatever you want, you know…" He glanced to the side where the younger members were before catching Chan's gaze again and mouthing out the word 'fuck'.
Chan looked mortified and Minho threw a chocolate wrapper at Changbin, watching it bounce off his forehead.
Changbin narrowed his eyes at Minho, "Hey. We are just prepared in advance okay?"
"Just go." Minho groaned, "You made our leader uncomfortable."
"I'm just saying… it's just sex not murder, calm down."
Jisung gripped Changbin's upper arm and dragged him away before the man could embarrass the couple even more.
Chan watched as the members left through the door. Changbin turned around to give a suggestive wink before Jisung groaned and pulled him away again.
The dorm was now empty, leaving Chan alone with Minho. He turned around slowly, catching the younger man's gaze. Now that he can see Minho up closely without any interruptions or teasing he could see the eye bags under the man's eyes and the tiredness he was trying to hide and his heart hurt.
Getting alone time with Minho was rarer than one would expect for two people who were from the same group. The avoidance game they kept playing even after they had started dating, would often get frustrating and they had broken up countless times but their hearts would always yearn for the other and they would find themselves getting back together.
No matter how much Chan tried to control himself, he knew he had fallen into the inevitable hole of the L word.
"So…" Minho chuckled, "Do you want to head over to your room or do you need more time staring at me."
Chan could feel his face burning as he quickly turned away and headed to his room. It had been a long time since Minho had set foot into his room and he had decorated it but wondered if Minho would notice anything.
"Wow, looks like our leader was busy decorating rooms." Minho chuckled, entering the room with a glass of juice in his hand. Chan smiled to himself, feeling touched that Minho did notice.
Chan declined when Minho offered his juice and sat on the bed, patting the empty space beside him for Minho.
"So…" Chan started once Minho had taken a seat, "How are you?"
Minho shrugged, staring at his juice, "I'm good, as always."
Chan had been with Minho long enough to know when the younger was lying.
"Minho…" Chan whispered, bringing up one hand to cup Minho's face, "It is just me… you can say anything."
Chan looked into the younger's doe eyes relentlessly, until Minho caved in and sighed.
"You already know it, Channie." Minho breathed out, using the nickname he only reserved for when they both were alone. "I can't sleep. It's nothing serious."
Chan knew Minho couldn't sleep, they both had subscribed to each other's bubble which meant that he could see Minho sending messages as late as 4am in the night. He knew Minho well enough to know that the younger man would be awake even after saying good night.
"Minho…" Chan sighed, crossing his arms in front of him, "Lack of sleep is serious."
Minho laughed, his eyes twinkling, "You're one to say."
Chan furrowed his eyebrows, wrinkling his nose, "Minho."
Minho stopped laughing, his smile fading away into a frown, "I can't help it." He shrugged as he stared into his juice, "I have too many thoughts in my head. Not seeing you makes it worse I guess."
Chan's heart sank and he gently pulled Minho's face up to look at him.
"I wish I could do something." Chan muttered softly.
Minho smiled at him, the beautiful radiant, eye crinkling smile that he loved so much, "Your existence is enough, Channie."
Chan pouted at him, "Channie's existence needs more of Lino's cooking to thrive."
It took Minho every bit of his self control to not kiss the older man there and then. He loved it when their leader spoke about himself in third person and he loved those dimples that are always present on his cheeks even more.
“I will cook for you again.” Minho promised, pressing his lips to the older man’s forehead. “Are you okay?”
“Of course I am.” Chan laughed.
“So, Jisung was lying when he said you were being cranky and scolded him because he wore his shirt inside out?”
“I was not cranky.” Chan retorted, “The shirt would have annoyed anyone!”
“He said you had a serious case of the ‘Minho withdrawal symptoms’ whatever that meant.” Minho snickered, as he saw the tips of Chan’s ears turn a bright red.
Chan vowed to himself that he was going to deal with Jisung, and Hyunjin too probably, when he laid his eyes on them again, but now he turned to Minho, cocking an eyebrow up, “Didn’t you miss me?”
“Of course I did.” Minho answered immediately, “You have no idea.”
Chan’s heart melted, his insides a pile of goo as he beamed at him, “I missed you too, my devil bunny.”
Minho drank his juice in one gulp and set his completely empty cup on the bedside table and turned to look at his boyfriend, “We will get used to this arrangement…right?”
“Yes…” Chan assured him, “We have to.”
“You know…” Minho started, chuckling softly, “You left one of your hoodies behind, and I hug that sometimes, when I can’t sleep.”
“Does it help?” Chan asked softly.
“Yes, most of the time.” The younger man answered, a peaceful smile playing on his lips.
“I am so sorry.” Chan apologised and Minho stared at him incredulously.
“Why are you sorry? It is not your fault.”
“I just wish I am there beside you Lino…maybe I could have helped you sleep.” He murmured, casting his eyes down.
Minho sniffed and reached his hand out to pull Chan’s face up softly, “You may not know it, but you are always beside me, Channie.” He admitted in a shallow whisper. Minho sucked in a controlled breath, leaning closer and pressing his forehead against Chan’s. The leader stilled for a second before letting out a shaky breath, shuddering against his touch and his shoulders slowly relaxing.
They both sat there for a while, lingering in the quiet sounds of Chan’s room, their breaths matching each other’s, their silent embrace conveying their emotions through untold words.
Chan then broke away, climbing up further into his bed and gesturing at Minho to do the same. Once they were tucked in comfortably, Chan switched on his television, playing a random movie in the background as they continued to talk about their day and what they did in their days of quarantine. Silence engulfed them for a moment as Chan turned his attention to the TV and when he looked back at Minho, he saw the younger man leaning against the headboard, his eyes closed.
“Lino?” Chan whispered slowly, and Minho moved slowly, resting his head against Chan’s shoulder instead, before relaxing again.
Chan felt happy, and a sense of accomplishment flooded his soul. The fact that his presence was enough for Minho to get comfortable, and forget about his thoughts and sleep was more than enough for him. He looked down at the younger man, admiring his beautiful face. Minho’s long eyelashes, fluttering with every breath, his lips a pretty shade of natural pink and heart shaped. He looked so gentle and soft and Chan wanted to protect him with his life.
Minho was always one of the strongest men Chan had ever known, but it meant a lot to him whenever the younger man opened up, shared his vulnerabilities with him and Chan vowed that he would never forgive himself if he ever did something to hurt him.
Chan checked his phone before placing it at the side and switched the television off. He looked at Minho once more, feeling the warmth he had craved for tingle through his entire body.
He moved slowly, not wanting to wake Minho up from his much needed slumber. He shifted the younger down slowly, making him rest his head on the pillow before getting comfortable himself. He felt Minho shift in the bed, flipping onto his side before flinging his arms around Chan, “Good night, Channie.” He mumbled wearily, but a serene smile on his face.
Chan smiled, as he rested his head against Minho’s chest, listening to the man’s heartbeat, and slowly felt himself being pulled into a deep slumber, and drifting off to sleep peacefully, for the first time in a while.
Minho and Chan had faced a lot of hurdles and they knew that there would be much more heading their way, but Chan was confident that they could get through anything and everything, even though they were distance apart, as long as he had Minho by his side. Minho was enough.