Chapter Text
The NewD irections - [5:59 am]
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- shoutout to finn singing into the unknown in the shower at 5:30 this morning
- it was a real wake up call thank you
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- don’t act like you didn’t sing the AURORA part
finn huds:
- don’t act like you didn’t like it
santana lopierce:
- im gonna say it
finn huds:
- please don’t
santana lopierce:
- …wanky
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- senior year is off to a fantastic start
finn huds:
- @ kurt can you drive me
tina cc:
- this isn’t a group chat for rides you motherfuckers just woke me up
finn huds:
- sucks to suck ig
lady mercedes:
- bruh why did you sleep so late
tina cc:
- unlike most of you fuckers i’m a junior therefore making this year pointless just like the last two
lady mercedes:
- aw babes
- :/
tina cc:
- i don’t want your pity i just want the last two years of my life back
- can you believe i accomplished nothing?
- i mean rachel and kurt have improved their theatric stuff so much through the glee club
- sam started from the ground up at this school and he’s just fucking thriving
- even quinn and finn had a whole damn baby
quinn fabray:
- thank you, tina.
fuckerman:
- wow imagine being a junior
santana lopierce:
- please as if YOU’RE graduating this year
rachel barbra berry:
- i don’t know why everyone is so upset.
- this year is going to be fabulous!
- we are going to have so much fun!
santana lopierce:
- your voice reminds of me of alvin and the chipmunks. please stop talking
rachel barbra berry:
- but this is a group chat
santana lopierce:
- get fucked and die it’s 6am
[6:13am]
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- sam stole my fucking eyeliner
- give it back bitch
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- no <3
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- yes bc who am i if my waterline isn’t dramatic as hell
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- that’s between you and your therapist
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- i hope your favorite show gets taken off netflix
finn huds:
- damn buddy it’s just eyeliner
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- you’re straight, shut up and go away
- it is 6:14 on a monday morning i can’t do this
rachel barbra berry:
- black shirt or pink shirt?
santana lopierce:
- how is this our problem
rachel barbra berry:
- ok you could have just not picked up your phone
santana lopierce:
- i’m here for the kurt and sam eyeliner drama
finn huds:
- ok but why
santana lopierce:
- i want to see if one of them is going to bitch slap the other
- my money’s on sam
quinn fabray:
- @finn huds i hate you
finn huds:
- what did i do this time
quinn fabray:
- the reprecussions of your untamable sex drive sophomore year will forever haunt me and my sleep schedule
- well, forever or until beth is like 5
finn huds:
- sorry not sorry
[…]
private message from finn huds to kurt elizabeth hummel [6:38am]
finn huds:
- never got closure are you driving or what
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- yes i can drive you
- and sam tell him please
- we are currently not on speaking terms
finn huds:
- all this over eyeliner
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- yes.
[…]
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ updated their private story, Sanity Warrant Pending
[ description : a video taken in the backseat of kurt’s navigator, which is stopped at a red light. the camera focuses in on the display screen, which shows the title of the song - “what’s up?” by 4 Non Blondes. then, the camera shifts to show finn banging his head and screaming the lyrics of the song. after a few moments, it pans to kurt, who is gaping at finn. captioned: what in god’s creation ]
[…]
private message from lady mercedes to The Sam Evans Experience ™️ [7:28am]
lady mercedes:
- forever baffled that carole hudson-hummel created that
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- wym carole likes to live it up!
- yesterday she and i were head banging to We Are Never Getting Back Together
lady mercedes:
- what are they feeding you guys there
The Sam Evans Experience ™️ :
- we live on a mostly chipotle based diet
lady mercedes:
- hm
[…]
private message from blaine warbler to kurt elizabeth hummel [9:09am]
blaine warbler:
- hi!! how is your first day going?
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- im in denial
- i hate everything
- i dont want to be here
- at least not without you :/
blaine warbler:
- i’m sorry :(
- hey, but on the bright side, now that i’m a junior i can do off campus lunch!
- what time do you eat
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- 11:30-12:10
blaine warbler:
- ABSJSKS YAY
- let’s meet then!! does potbelly’s sound good?
kurt elizabeth hummel:
- wait yes that actually sounds fantastic
blaine warbler:
- ok yay!
- see you then!
[…]
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying posted on twitter!
kurt’s existential crisis @thisismecrying
HOLY SHIT OMG AHSJSKAKALAK
[…]
The NewD irections - [11:57am]
kurt elizabeth hummel added blaine warbler to the group chat!
[…]
quinn fabray updated their private story: all i can say is good luck, beth
[ description: a blurred selfie of quinn, with a soft filter over it. it shows half her face - she’s done her makeup and curled her hair for the first day of school, but she looks sad. she’s leaning her head against her hand. captioned: a certain masterdoc on the mind . ]
[…]
private message from santana lopierce to quinn fabray [2:16pm]
santana lopierce:
- THAT MASTERDOC?
quinn fabray:
- unfortunately yes
santana lopierce:
- the LESBIAN masterdoc??
quinn fabray:
- do you want me to spell it out or,,,
santana lopierce:
- omg quinn
- when did you start questioning
quinn fabray:
- when i slept with finn the summer before sophomore year
santana lopierce:
- this has just been calmly sitting in your brain for two years and you haven’t brought it up???
quinn fabray:
- i mean i’ve been a little pre-occupied
- it’s just all coming together now
santana lopierce:
- tell me all about it
- (if you’re comfortable. you never have to talk about anything you don’t want to and ik sexuality is super personal)
quinn fabray:
- (ok thanks ily)
santana lopierce:
- (gross)
quinn fabray:
- yeah well anyway after i had sex with fin i remember thinking it was fine but i had expected more yk
- so i was like maybe i’m gay but then i found out i was pregnant and that took over my brain for a very long time
- and i didn’t even reconsider it after beth was born bc like, do i even have time to bring another person into my life? and hers? no
santana lopierce:
- ok interesting
- i can’t believe you could just stop thinking about it though
quinn fabray:
- idk it just wasn’t pressing then
santana lopierce:
- may i ask why it is now
quinn fabray:
- you can’t make fun of me and i know that’s hard for you
santana lopierce:
- i promise
quinn fabray:
- i fell for a girl
- like HARD
- and i hdard about the masterdoc online and i was like ok i should read it
- and bro
- it all clicks
santana lopierce:
- OMG YAY IM SO PROUD OF YOU
quinn fabray:
- don’t be a sap
santana lopierce:
- i have to counteract this interruption of my usually consistent bullying with the opposite extreme
- ok but like who’s the girl do i know her
quinn fabray:
- listen im only telling you because i think i’ll explode if i keep it in any longer
santana lopierce:
- spill
- who is it
quinn fabray:
- um
- rachel berry
seen